Innocence Corrupted
by MistressNashya
Summary: Chapter 21's UP! Things are worse then I thought... much worse.
1. Chapter 1

None of the Characters belong to me. © SquareSoft

Chapter 1

------

Sora

------

It's been... nearly 2 years. I'm finally 16. Not that that means anything really special. I'm just one year older, one year wiser. Maybe.... I don't feel older. I'm not treated anymore like an adult. Even after all that I've been through. They all saw me do it. Seal the door to darkness, Kingdom hearts. They saw me risk my life and the lives of my friends to save the world from total darkness. But I still get called 'kid', and 'boy', sometimes even 'Jr. I hate those names. It's like people forgot what my real name is or something.

Whatever. 

You'd think after only 2 years I wouldn't have changed much... but I have. Physically no. I'm still petite, my eyes are still blue, my skin, maybe a little paler, my hair.... still outta control. I still look like me.... but the 'me' from 2 years ago... he's gone. That happy free spirited little boy from Destiny Island. I don't even remember what 'he' was like anymore. He's like a stranger I passed by on the streets. I can place his face and voice, but not who he **was**. 

Not anymore....

But he's standing right here in front of me. Blinking those blue eyes. They aren't beautiful anymore. Just cold and tired. I'm tired. I don't know why to tell the truth. I just feel drained somehow. I don't really do anything but wake up, eat, sleep, or do other random things for most of the day. I'm wasting away. When was the last time I picked up my Keyblade? 4-5 months ago maybe. I don't spar anymore either. That used to be my favorite pastime... now it's just dull. Even with **him** here. He doesn't want to do much anymore either. I think we're both just tired. 

Maybe of each other too...

No... I take that back. How can we be. Only recently did I get him back. I can't put into words how happy I was to see him again. Safe, healthy, a little beat up, but alive. I cried. Really hard. Aeris, Leon, Yuffie, Cid, Donald, and Goofy, they all saw me. But I didn't care. I felt like I could breath again. That being happy was okay now that he was back. I was such a baby. I thought he'd pick on me for bawling like that in front of everyone. Instead he just pulled my hands away from my eyes and stared at me. His dirt smudged face slack. I thought he was mad. But I saw his eyes, still as bright as the ocean, still so beautiful. They were so shiny. And I realized he was crying too. He just had more control. And then he hugged me. 

I smile every time I think about that. 

He's still sleeping. 

He's so beautiful.

You know, sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and watch him while he rests. He's a really **still** sleeper. Where I'm the one who tosses and turns. It bothered me at first that he rested so peacefully after spending 6 months of hell trapped inside Kingdom Hearts. I couldn't understand how he could. Didn't he have nightmares? No... I guess not. He's strong no matter what state he's in. But me... God, when he's lying there unnaturally still, I imagine what if this is how I found him in Kingdom Hearts...

Still.

Not breathing.

No pulse.

Dead...

I think I would have killed myself. I can say that without a doubt or a second thought. 

I start to cry when I think of him dead. It would have been my fault. I wasn't strong enough to close KH's doors. I have nightmares about that. About how I left him behind that door instead of telling him to come out and push from my side. I didn't understand why he didn't come out anyway... 

He told me about a month ago that he couldn't cross over. That his body was forever trapped in darkness. But I still didn't understand. He hadn't given into the darkness had he? 

He said he had.

Because... he loved me.

And hated Kairi. 

He thought I loved her back. Sure I liked her as a friend. But love her intimately... No.

He hated her to the point of killing her if that's what it took. But he put up with her for my sake. I never even noticed. I was such a terrible friend. That night on Paopu Island when he reached out for me. He was asking me to forever be his. To love him back. I didn't try hard enough. To grab his hand... I failed him.

I broke his heart and didn't even know it...

I'm so terrible...

I have nightmares about that... I don't sleep very well. Maybe that's why I'm tired. 

'Sigh'.

How can he love me so much? After everything I did? 

He's so strong....

No matter what.

****

To be continued.

Good, bad, Continue? Review please. 


	2. Chapter 2

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 2

------

Riku

------

It's 2am. The room is completely black. I panic for a slight second before my eyes focus and start to make out objects in the room. I can't get over the darkness. It's been a while since I got away. Even so I can't help but sigh in relief when I realize I'm not back there... Back in Kingdom Hearts. I shift slightly and quietly, acknowledging the warm sheets against my skin. Another reason to be relieved. I missed sheets. I feel relaxed knowing that when I open my eyes some hours from now that the sun will be streaming in through the curtains. Warm and refreshing. 

The sun....

I used to hate it back on Destiny Island. Maybe because I got too much of it. That's why I spent so much time hiding under the Paopu tree. To get out of the sun. I was the palest kid on the Island. I only came out when 'he' came to hang out with me. For him I'd risk a sunburn. 

I used to stare at him and drown. He never noticed me watching him. I knew I was staring too hard. Even being his friend. He never realized. And when he turned to look at me with those large gorgeous sapphire eyes of his I'd just grin and challenge him to a duel. 

I could hide my longing well I guess.

Maybe I shouldn't have. 

He was, is, my best friend after all. I could have told him. He's not the kind of person to push people away because of who they are. He's actually too nice sometimes. It used to annoy me. But I love that about him. He can do what I can't do. Put up with people. 

People like Kairi. Gah...

I've **never** liked girls. Not to play with, hang out with, be friends with, for anything. The species annoys me. But I can't make them go away, so I deal with them until they start liking me. Then I ditch them. Oh yes all of the girls just swoon over me. They love my silvery white hair and brilliant aqua tinted eyes. I'm so 'strong' and oh so 'brave'. What BS. 

I blame my mother. 

The Bitch.

I'm scarred because of her.

Kairi. 

She could have been a boy and I would have still hated her. 

Hate. Strong word, I know. But that's what I felt for that girl. She just wormed her way into ours lives with her smile and overly friendly personality. Well, friendly to everyone else maybe. Not to me. She was so fake when the others were there. But when it was just me and her she was different. 

She was evil. 

I'm not just saying this because I hate her either. There was something truly wrong with that girl. Things were fine on our quaint, quiet little Island until she showed up. I remember the first day I was forced by my mother to meet her. This is the reason why I loathe my mom. She tried to make me **like** this girl. She tried to **force** me to be her friend. To play tag and go swimming with her. I didn't **_want_** Kairi, I wanted **him**. But Kairi wanted **him** too. 

She latched onto him like a blood sucking little leech and wouldn't let go. Every where we went she followed. She was always near by or just around the corner. I had to start getting up 2 hours early just to beat her to his house. She was like... a stalker. 

Not that I blame her for wanting him. I mean... I was obsessed with him too. But so what!

I'd known him way longer then Kairi had. I had first dibs on him. Okay.. okay, I know he wasn't a prize... but he was my prize. I would do whatever it took to win him. 

God... he _never_ even noticed. 

It was true, I didn't start getting ideas about leaving Destiny Island until Kairi showed up. I'd brought up ideas about going on adventures to him alone before. But I wasn't serious. As long as I was with him I'd spend the rest of my life on this hunk of sand and water. 

I knew that ditz Kairi would want to come along. The little bitch probably figured I was only kidding anyway. That was until I really started building a raft. I **was** _really_ only kidding to tell the truth. But then, once I started I couldn't stop. What if we, he and I, did reach another world? If we could get away from Kairi it was worth a try. 

It _almost _worked. 

But he cared about her too much. 

He's too damn nice...

That night on Paopu Island when the black meteor hung over my head... I told him we could get away. That this was our only chance. And he asked about her...

__

"Kairi... we gotta find her..." 

****

No we didn't.

I lied and said she was coming with us. Hell, I didn't know where she was. Didn't care either. 

I remember then that I said the wrong words to him. When I told him I wasn't afraid of the darkness I saw fear in his eyes. Not that, 'oh it's a spider, I'm scared' type of fear. He was terrified...

Of me.

I was lying too. I was so scared I was surprised I wasn't shaking. I didn't really know what was happening. I wanted him to be near me but I couldn't walk to him. My knees would have given out. So I reached out to him. And he breathed my name like he was saying it for the first time... like he didn't know who I was.

I'd lost to Kairi that night.

I saw him reach for my hand. He'd almost grabbed it. But I snatched away at the last second. Because I'd lost. I could tell he was still worrying about Kairi even as we were being surrounded by darkness. 

I gave up on him that night. And focused all of my energy on hating Kairi and hurting him. 

I can't believe I did that. 

It sickens me to think it was me. 

Everyone says it wasn't my fault. That Ansem had possessed me. Little do they know I gave myself over to him willingly. If giving up my body was what it took to give me the power to hurt Kiari I'd do it. All that crap about being the true Key blade master was an excuse. It made him more determined to follow me. 

I pushed him too far. 

I think he started to hate me then. When I tried to seriously take Kairi's heart. 

I wasn't his friend anymore that day in Hollow Bastion. I was his sworn enemy. Some how he'd managed to dismiss the fact that we had once been friends. I think he would have killed me if that's what it had taken.

All for her.

I let go then. 

When he struck that final blow. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt my soul fade away. Ansem had my body for himself then. Ansem was going to kill him. I watched my love give his heart for Kairi. I couldn't bring myself to cry. But I realized then, he did love her. He truly cared for her. She was more then just his friend. To him risking his life for her was okay. 

I gave him to her that day.

I used the last bit of strength I had left to stop Ansem for a short time and let him, Kairi, and the others get away. I watched them leave realizing I may never see any of them again. Then there was darkness. 

It felt like a long time before I saw him again. He was tired from fighting, but he was still determined to go on. I watched him from inside Kingdom Hearts in shock. He'd really won... He'd beat Ansem. But I couldn't go back to him. Not yet. He was trying so hard to close the gates with his friends. I had to will myself to step forward and help. I was trudging towards my own doom. I knew that if I closed those doors I'd be trapped in there forever. Without him. 

Maybe that was a good thing. 

I remember how he looked at me when I popped up behind the doors suddenly. He just stared at me. Like he'd forgotten about Kingdom Hearts altogether. The duck and dog called out to him to hurry. I nodded telling him to go on. I saw the words in eyes; 

"But.. If we close the doors... you'll be trapped inside."

I told you he was too nice. Always worrying about everybody. 

I pulled as hard as I could. I didn't know what was going on behind me. I could hear the Heartless getting closer. I wasn't afraid of them. I saw the gold light from that mouse king as he tried to seal the doors. None of it mattered. All I saw was 'Him'. And just as the doors closed I said the first words that came to my heart. 

"Take care of her."

He nodded once.

Darkness.

I just stood there behind the closed doors. The only light coming from King Mickey's gold Key blade. I watched my tears splatter to the ground absently. The gates locked with an ominous "click". Letting me know plainly that that was it. I'd never see him again. 

I'd be turning 17 by the time I was freed from Kingdom Hearts. The light hurt. I was so shocked to see him standing there. He looked like an angel. In retrospect he really was. He'd saved me. But I was confused. Didn't he love Kairi? She wasn't with him.

It was like out of a movie when he started to cry openly after he saw me. I couldn't figure out why he was so sad. He was mumbling about how sorry he was. That if he'd been stronger he could have spared me having to suffer inside Kingdom Hearts. I didn't know what to say. I pulled his hands from his face and stared right into his eyes. Those big beautiful sea blue eyes. His speech was broken. But I know I heard him right. And I embraced him then and cried too. 

He'd said he _loved_ me. 

That was 2 years ago. He says it every morning, noon, and night. Like a sacred prayer. I'll never get tired of it. Or him. 

But... something was wrong with him lately.

Wait... where is he anyway?

****

To be continued. 

Good, Bad, Continue? Review please. 


	3. Chapter 3

None of the Characters belong to me. © SquareSoft

Chapter 3

I pulled myself up into a sitting position and yawned softly. I was still really groggy even though I hadn't done anything the previous day to tire myself out. Clumsily, I felt around for my bed mate. My fingers brushed gently against the neighboring pillow and I recoiled slightly. 

Cold.

Sora had been up for a while it seemed. The warmth his body usually left behind had long seeped away. I shivered slightly and scooted from under the blanket. My feet sunk into the carpet as I made my way to the window to close it. It was raining again. The air was bitterly frosty and sent a pained chill down my back. My slender frame had yet to really heal from the time I spent in Kingdom Hearts. My once powerful muscular body had nearly been reduced to skin and bones. Lack of food and water would do that to a person. I was regaining my strength slowly though. But I got cold very easily now. I had to sleep in long sleeved shirts regardless of how many blankets covered me. Sora would provide me with plenty of warmth too.

Where was Sora anyway? 

I turned from the window after I locked it. Call me paranoid okay. I looked around the room but didn't see Sora anywhere. I was still getting used to this. Waking up in the middle of the night to find him gone. It was... different. Had this been 2 years ago and I was in better health I would have heard Sora sneaking away. But now due to the events that only recently passed I slept like the dead, only waking when I got cold or when it was morning. Well, I had gotten **really **cold. 

There were really only a few other places Sora would have gone. I always found him there. This fact disturbed me a bit. I knew Sora had horrible nightmares and that he was extremely reluctant to tell me what they were about. But I suspect they're about Sora's little Keyblade adventure, or had something to do with it. Maybe they had something to do with me too. That made me feel awful. Sora was having nightmares about what I'd done to Kairi. To him. Every night he would get up and go to that place and stare unblinkingly at the wall. He wouldn't speak or move, not even when I showed up. It was... bizarre to say the least. 

Quietly I made my way out of our room. I timidly glanced down the hall to the left and frowned at the door slightly hidden in shadow. I hoped that **person** wasn't awake yet. I'll explain why later. I turned to the left and trudged down the hallway to a single door. It was cracked just slightly and a pale yellow light streamed out. I could hear the shower running and steam rose and billowed out of the crack in the door. I couldn't help but sigh as I went in, closing the door softly behind me. 

"Sora."

I whispered, knowing full well he couldn't hear me over the spray of the shower. This had gone on every night for the past few months though. Sora knew I was there already. I sighed again, a little frustrated, and rubbed my arms. I was starting to get hot from the steam and the sweater I wore felt suddenly very uncomfortable. Absently I got undressed, folded my pajamas and laid them on the towel rack just next to the sink. 

"Sora." I called again. Still no reply.

I tossed my now shoulder length hair out of my face and pulled back the shower curtain. There he was leaning stiffly against the tile wall. His pale blue eyes were wide open and didn't even flicker from the constant spray of **too** hot water. I winced at the redness of Sora's now paler skin. Why did he do this to himself? 

"Sora." I called softly and reached in to turn the hot water off. This seemed to jar Sora awake because he flinched at the sudden change in water temperature and backed away. I frowned and turned the water heat back up. Sora didn't even turn as he spoke. 

"I ... I felt sticky." 

Sticky?

I groaned and climbed into the tub. I didn't reach for Sora though, not yet. I couldn't because he would shy away. I wondered about that. Was it because of me? Did Sora feel dirty because of me? If he did, why?

I reached out slowly, tracing the delicate curve of Sora's shoulder without touching it. Not yet. I would go slowly like every other time this happened and eventually Sora would come back to bed. 

"It's... not because of you." He breathed. His hair was plastered to his face obscuring his eyes so I couldn't really see his expression. He pushed the soaked locks away and started to talk again. Naturally I listened but.... I'd heard all of this before.

"I... don't like being all sweaty. ... I sweat from the nightmares."

I nodded and leaned against the shower wall. Silence ensued and all I could do was wait. This was were Sora stopped talking altogether. And for the next 10 minutes or so he wouldn't move, blink, or barely breath. It made me feel odd. It was like Sora was silently willing me to go away so he could be alone. But if I left him he would just turn the hot water back up and burn himself. 

"Why do you do this?"

I blinked in surprise. I had meant to think those words, not say them out loud. I dreaded Sora's answer immediately when he turned on me with a wide shocked gaze. 

"Why...?" Sora repeated like he'd never heard that question or that word before. His voice raised a pitch to high as he said it. I nodded stiffly. Sora was hugging himself tightly at that moment. He let his arms fall and stood up a little straighter. 

"Some thing's wrong with me...." Sora's words were clear and concise, like he'd thought about this long and hard and this was his final conclusion. I felt my eyes bug out. I hadn't been expecting that response. I recovered from my surprise quickly though and stepped up to Sora. 

"Why do you think that? Sora, there's nothing wrong with you, not at all. Your perf..."

"**Don't** say that. It's not true!"

Sora hissed and glared up at me. His blue eyes flashed with barely controlled rage and for a moment I was frozen in shock. Sora looked so angry. I hadn't seen that look in Sora's eyes since...

Since we fought in Hallow Bastion.

Sora turned his back on me then and slumped against the wall again. I stared down at my feet and watched the water spiral around my ankles toward the drain. I could see Sora's ankles. So thin and delicate. My gaze drew upward to Sora's pale thighs, his supple behind and the small of his femininely curved back, then up to his shoulder blades. My breath came out shuddery. Sora was so beautiful.

"Is that all I am to you?" Sora spoke suddenly. His tone was accusing. 

I jumped and stared at Sora with a guilty expression. Here he was distressed and I was admiring his body like a dog in heat. 

"Wha... what?" Was all I could stutter out though.

Sora turned to me, face slack. 

"You know what I mean. You're thinking about it now."

I frowned.

"Sex."

I glared. Now why the hell would Sora ask me that if he already knew the answer? Yes, I was thinking about sex.... but that's not all I wanted him for. This was starting to frustrate me greatly. Is this what all the sneaking out at night was all about? Sora thought I only wanted him for sexual purpose? This had been on his mind for a long time obviously. I assumed he just needed to build up the courage to ask it out right. But it made no sense from my point of view. 

Sure we had sex. 

We were together. Boyfriends. It was something that just eventually happened in any relationship. 

So we had sex.

So what.

Not all the time. 

Tonight, yes. Yesterday... yeah...

But...

Wait.

I gasped slightly. Sora's expression cracked, almost like he was about to burst into tears, and he looked down at his feet. I shook my head as realization dawned on me. So this **was** about me. 

"You want to talk about his now....?" I asked in a whining tone. 

Sora poked out his lip, not in a cute way. He was pissed. 

"Yes, why can't we..."

"Because it's kind of too late Sora. We've.... we've already done it."

"But we never talked about before the fact. We never discussed it with each other. It just happened."

"Uh... yeah..."

"RIKU!"

"What is there to talk about Sora! It's done. You can't... get your virginity back because we talk about sex."

Sora clamped his mouth shut.

Almost every night when we had participated in some kind of sexual activity Sora had gotten up to take a shower. It didn't bother me at first because he'd always said it was his nightmares. Naturally I believed him. I mean, he did have nightmares and broke into cold sweats. But, Sora had been lying to me... About something serious like this. And I hadn't even noticed. God, Sora had changed. He used to be an emotionally open book that I knew by heart cover to cover. Now I wasn't so sure about his feelings. 

"You... feel dirty after we make love... is that it....?" I barely breathed staring hard at him. Sora's head snapped up and he stared wildly at me. I was trembling slightly and shaking my head. I couldn't believe it. Sora whimpered slightly. 

"The first time... I was .... I didn't know what I was doing..." Sora whimpered.

I scratched my head. "Well, neither did I." I said matter-of-factly and truthfully.

Sora shook his head. "I wasn't ready then. You... you rushed me... and now.... You... every night Riku. That's why I'm always so tired. The only way we can be together during the day... is when..." Sora sucked in a breath through his clenched teeth before he yelled. 

****

"...All you ever want to do is fuck!"

I felt my eyes widen and I took a shuddery breath at Sora's vulgar choice of words. When Sora said it like that it sounded so terrible. Almost like forced sex. Like rape. I was starting to get mad too. 

"Why didn't you just say you didn't want to?" I asked a little too coldly. I hadn't meant to sound so heartless. My words seemed to strike a cord in Sora and I watched his face scrunch up in a pained expression. 

"**Say **I didn't want to?! Even if I had, **would **you have stopped Riku?! **Would you**?!"

I clamped my mouth shut and looked away. I honestly didn't think I could have stopped even if I wanted to. Even if he was begging me. Sora didn't understand what it was like.... being inside of him. It's not something you can explain to someone. I couldn't admit that to Sora though. I was taking to long to answer and Sora seemed to get the message. He didn't like my silent response and lashed out at me. His hand clipped me across the cheek and jarred me just enough to make me loose balance and hit the tile wall. I winced after I righted himself. The blow hadn't hurt much, Sora hit me harder then that when we used to play fight. But... that's just **it.** We weren't **playing**. This was for real. Sora had really meant to hit me hard. I couldn't seem to rid my face of the hurt expression it had. 

"Is that what this is all about?" I whispered. Sora clenched his teeth harder, I think he was even angrier now because his strike had missed, he balled his fists and turned to get out of the shower. I lunged forward, almost slipping on the wet floor of the shower stall and roughly grabbed his thin wrist. He whirled around and glared viciously at me, his free hand was raised to strike again. 

I watched it cautiously. Sora really could hurt me if he wanted too. 

"Let me go." He snarled.

In all of my effort I just didn't have the strength or will to be angry at him for wanting to kick my ass. How could I really blame him for acting the way he was? 

Everything he'd said... accused me of.... 

It was true...

Most of the time we **were** just having sex. And I really hadn't always cared if Sora wanted to do things or not. But he had never said no or stop. 

Actually, he'd never said yes either. 

Oh my god....

I'm a bastard. 

"Sora, wait..." I whimpered and pulled him to me. He started to fight against me. 

"Riku... no... leave me alone..."

He was trying futilely to get away. His heart wasn't in his struggle though. Under the gentle stream of now warming water I saw tears pouring down his flushed cheeks. I tried to pull him closer but he used his arms as a brace to keep some distance. I spoke softly and as calmly as I could to try and get him to settle down. 

"Sora... stop.. don't do this."

He batted at my hands and yanked against my grasp but I wasn't going to let him go. 

"No Riku... Just let me go....." He groaned and punched at my chest. He **really **did want me to let him go. I was doing exactly what had caused this problem in the first place. I wasn't stopping. I loosened my grip and felt him almost slip away. 

"Riku!" He screeched. He stopped fighting now and just covered his face with his free hand, sobbing. I was barely holding onto his wrist. He wasn't pulling his arm away. He kept mumbling for me to let him go. I frowned in concern.

"Sora... I'm not even holding onto you to you anymore."

Something was really wrong here. Why was he acting like this? Was I hurting him that bad? This wasn't just about us having sex all the time. Sex wasn't really that important to me. It was nice to have sure, but If it caused this much distress to Sora I could live without it. 

I think....

Sora sniffled and sucked in a harsh breath. He couldn't seem to speak but his mouth was moving. 

"What?" I asked

He turned just slightly to look at me. 

"Yes you are.... you won't let me go." He said just above a whisper. I blinked a few times and released his arm completely. 

Sora hugged himself and looked away from me. It took him a moment to speak.

"It's always like this. You over powering me. You know you're stronger then me. Even now after 2 years... I'm still a little weak... kid! How can I expect you and other people to respect me and consider me grown up when I can't even stand up to **you**? My boyfriend! I'm _tired_ of this Riku... I can't take it anymore. You think it's **easy** being who I am. Everyone expects me to be this nice, kind, giving, always smiling little boy without a care in the world... I can't be that. Maybe I used to be... but not anymore...."

Sora paused and bit his bottom lip before hissing,

"This has to **end** Riku... tonight!"

I had to step back and gather my thoughts. It felt like an arrow had just struck me in the heart. I was really confused too. I leaned heavily against the far shower wall and took a few deep breaths. The shower water splashed my face, giving me a bit of strength. I could hear Sora scrubbing at his eyes. 

Something dawned on me.

"You... mean... you want to break up?"

God it hurt to say that. I felt my stomach twist into a really tight knot and my breath catch in my throat.. I think I would have just died right there if he answered how I thought he would. 

I couldn't see what Sora was doing because I had my head down. I heard him moving, I think closer to me. He was panting heavily like he was out of breath and couldn't catch it. I felt him run his fingers through my hair and I looked up. He was smiling just slightly. 

More confusion on my side. 

"Break up?... No... why would you...? No."

I inhaled sharply. Oh my god.... I thought I was going to faint. 

"I just... don't wanna have sex anymore for a while. I feel like that's the only reason you're with me. Like that's all that we do. Our relationship lacks romance and understanding. I have to be sure that sex isn't all we have.... Is that okay...?" He said it so timidly. Like he was afraid I'd start yelling at him for suggesting it. 

Was that okay?

Was that **okay**?

Sora.

Sora.

I slid to the floor and wrapped my arms around his leg. I couldn't stop blinking and my eyes were stinging really badly. Was I crying? Yeah I was... That was okay in front of Sora. I laid my head against his smooth slightly pudgy tummy and started to sob. Only he could reduce me to a bawling little heap like this. Only Sora could make me weak in the knees. 

"Riku." 

I heard him whisper. He sounded concerned. I guess he was waiting for my answer. I **hope **he didn't think I was crying because he didn't wanna have sex anymore. I answered quickly.

"Of course that's okay idiot. If you... if you don't wanna do something just say it. I'd never force anything on you.. Ever... Sora... YOU can get angry and say stop. To **me** or **anyone **else."

Sora smiled sincerely this time and stroked my hair. "Riku." He said. "Riku." Over and over again. I tightened my grip around his leg. 

"Don't you ever do this again. Hurt yourself because of me." I said fiercely. "No matter what it is you can tell me. I'm your best friend... your boyfriend... your.. your lover." I looked up at him. He was watching me. 

I'll never get over how beautiful he is. 

"Riku." He said one more time. 

"I love you." 

Sappy I know... I don't care.

"I love you Sora, no matter what."

And he just kept breathing my name softly and caressing my head. 

"Riku."

My name sounds so nice when he says it.

"Riku"

Mmmmm....

"**Riku!" **

I jumped slightly and looked up at him. His expression was soft and forgiving. 

"The water's getting cold." He said. I blinked a few times. I do that a lot, and started to stand up. Sora helped me. I watched his face for a long time. Like I was seeing it for the first time. 

Sora had changed. Maybe not so much physically, but emotionally and mentally he was a completely different person. I had to learn about him all over again. Gone was that free spirited little boy I met almost more then 10 years ago. 

10 years... 

That's a long time to know someone.... Then find out you really don't know them at all. 

"Can.. can I kiss you?" I asked timidly. I didn't want to invade his personal space. Should I be feeling like that? Like I was invading him? Hell, we'd had sex already. We were back and square one. 

Frustration...

This was going to be hard. 

Sora smiled and gave me a soft peck on the lips before turning and starting to wash up in the now cold water. 

Okay. This was going to be **extremely **hard.

But for him, for my Sora, I was willing to do anything.

****

To be continued. 

Good, Bad, Continue? Review please. 


	4. Chapter 4

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 4

------

Riku

------

I felt my head pop up suddenly. I had been jolted awake by some unknown force.

"What time is it?"

I glanced over at the clock on my side of the bed and sighed. Half the day was gone already. It was about to be one o'clock in about 2 minutes. I yawned really loudly and sat up on my elbows. The room was still pretty gloomy, I concluded it was still raining outside. Good, that meant I didn't have to go out today. 

"Sora."

He was gone again. I raised an eyebrow and rolled onto my back. I had this weird desire to go back to sleep even though I wasn't really tired anymore. You ever feel like that?

I'd better get up.

Damn... did I have to work today? I glanced at the calendar on the far wall and sighed in relief. Good, I didn't feel like going into the restaurant today anyway. Huh? Oh, my job? Yeah, I'm a part time waiter at this little cafe/bar/restaurant called 7th Heaven. It's Cloud's place actually. He and Aeris run it together. It's nice... but gets old fast when you work there everyday you know. 

Cloud... interesting guy. 

I'd dragged myself out of the bed and walked up to the mirror on the wall. My reflection blinked sleepily back at me while I brushed my hair. I need to cut it a bit. 

Going to the kitchen now. I'm hungry. 

Oh yeah, about Cloud. Sora introduced me to him. He's 24, average height, big really bright blue eyes, and.. uncontrollable spiked blonde hair. I think he uses the same gel as Sora... Heh. He's a nice guy actually. Quiet, to himself most of the time though. He hangs around **here** a lot. Here, as in, our house. We live in the old abandoned house in the 3rd district. Well, it's been fixed up since then. It's really nice now. 

Yeah, Sora and I have a place together. Were not even 18 yet either. Pretty cool huh? 

It would be cool anway.... if not for **Him**. 

Maybe he's not up yet...

I walked quietly into the kitchen and noted in slight disappointment that Sora wasn't there cooking something. He usually was making lunch about his time. I wonder where he is. It's not like I can't cook for myself. Food just tastes better when Sora makes it. I **can** cook.... As long as there are instructions on the back of the box. 

Looks like I'm on my own. Maybe there's some sandwich making stuff in the fridge. Hmmm. 

Our house has one of those little square kitchens with a checker board pattern on the floor. It was Sora's idea to do the floor like that. We put a lot of work into this house... we pretty much rebuilt the thing. Anyway, fixing my sandwich...bread, lettuce, onions, tomatoes...ick... cheese... meat.... Meat.... Aw, damn. So much for my sandwich. I sighed again and started debating on what else I could fix myself to eat. 

"Shopping."

I turned quickly, startled, and stared in the direction of the dining table. One window was behind the table, no lights where on. Dreary gray light streamed through the crooked blinds across the fake wood finish of the table. I didn't see anyone at first. One of the chairs was pulled back a bit further from the table then the others into the sliver of darkness just out side of the windows light. I saw a lighter flicker on for a brief second and then a stream of smoke float lazily into the air. My mood freefell about a thousand feet.

"Oh... it's you." I said flatly. 'He' laughed shortly and coldly before becoming silent again. I shut the refrigerator door harder then I'd meant to and watched a box of cereal fall from on the top of it and the floor. The coco puffs exploded all over. I cursed silently and fell to me knees to clean up the mess. I could've eaten that cereal. What a waste.

Do you remember that 'person' I hoped hadn't been up when Sora and I had our little soap opera episode earlier? Well, that's him hiding in the corner. He's... the real owner of this house. What to say about him. Tall, dark. He is handsome, but can you say cold-hearted bastard? I know I can be a little big headed sometimes... but for fuck's sake. 

"Lost your little boyfriend." He whispered again and took a drag of his cigarette. I had stuffed the spilled cereal into the trashcan and proceeded to eat what hadn't come out of the box. I decided not to comment on that little remark he made. 

"He went shopping." He blew the smoke out of his mouth. "With Cloud."

****

With Cloud. 

I felt my jaw tighten**. **

I turned around and glared into the dark corner. "So what. Are you trying to give me a hint at something?" I hissed. Another breathy laugh escaped his lips and he lowered his feet from the kitchen table then he stood up. 

"Why didn't you go with him?" He asked me and stepped out of the darkness. 

I have to admit something here now. Bastard or not, he's a dream to stare at. He's just so.... Uh, gorgeous. I mean like... oh my god I wanna **fuck** him gorgeous. Squall... err Leon... is what he calls himself. I'm not sure if that's his real name. Either one of them. He's got shoulder length auburn hair and piercing gray/blue eyes. I've never seen him wear anything but leather and white t-shirts. That's his style I guess. He looks good in it. Damn good. But looking delicious doesn't make up for that 'fuck you I'm God' attitude he has. 

I like his physical features, not his personality. 

"I was asleep." I said after I somehow managed to pry my eyes away from him. I think I hesitated to long with my response because he laughed... again. 

"Aren't you always?" Leon leaned against the far counter and started watching me. I had my back to him but I knew he was staring. I could **feel **his eyes boring into my back. I shivered slightly. Hope he didn't notice that. 

"He tried to wake you. You'd think you'd drag your lazy ass out of bed for the one you oh so **love**." He paused. "No matter what the reason. He seemed heart broken you weren't going with him. Poor baby."

I clenched my jaw harder. 

"He's not a baby." I hissed. I utterly hated it when Leon called Sora 'baby'. It was degrading and disrespectful. I noticed Leon had a lot of stupid pet names for Sora. They always made him sound like a helpless little boy. '**Little** Keyblade master', '**Little** island boy', '**Baby** Sora'. He has a name for heaven sake. It's **just** Sora. 

"Yes he is. You both are." I turned on him quickly. He tilted his head backwards slightly and looked down his nose at me. "Both of you need an adult to care for you. Me. You are both babies." 

I started to yell, "No we're not!" But stopped myself. I really **would **have sounded like a baby then. Besides I knew Leon was just fucking with me on purpose. He loved to do it, like a favorite pastime. That's why I disliked him... No... I think I hate him now. 

I could tell he didn't fancy me too much either. 

"The only reason I let you stay here is **because** of Sora." Leon started and stood up from his leaning position. I felt my blood start to boil. He didn't have to keep telling me that. I knew that very fuck'en well already. He **only** said it a dozen times a day. I saw him walk a little closer to me. I instantly tensed. 

"I suggest you stop wasting my water."

He was talking about earlier today. 

"You don't pay enough of the rent to use half the shit in this house."

He brushed past me and left the kitchen. I balled up my fists and snarled. God, he pissed me off. Oh yeah. I hate him. 

He's one of those people I put up with for Sora's sake. 

What does Sora see in him anyway? 

I wasn't hungry anymore. 

------

It was about another 2 hours before I heard Sora's voice echo down the hallway. He was laughing in that sweet little tone of his. I jumped up and almost ran from our room. I'd locked myself in there to avoid Leon. He hadn't bothered me since the little meeting in the kitchen. 

I ran into him in the hallway.

"Running to your baby." He cooed.

I growled and sidestepped by him. He smirked and started walking towards the kitchen. too. 

"Oh, hey!" Sora chirped happily when I entered the room. I felt my heart beat pick up. It always did that. Sora was almost soaked head to and stood mopping himself up with a bunch of paper towels. Cloud was busy dragging bags and bags of groceries through the back door. I didn't say hi, instead I walked up to Sora and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed. 

"Riku..." He breathed and turned away from me to busy himself with more drying. He just couldn't seem to get used to me being affectionate in front of people. Well, Cloud and Leon knew we were together. I couldn't see the problem... Well, I guess that's just how Sora is. Shy. 

After we got all of the soaked paper and plastic bags full of random grocery things into the kitchen I closed and bolted the back door. There was a large puddle of water leaking just past the refrigerator from the door. I'd be the one cleaning that up. I rolled my eyes and went to see where Sora had disappeared too. Hmmm, Leon and Cloud where gone too. 

I found Sora in our room stripping out of his wet clothes and tossing them to a corner. I stopped and leaned against the doorframe to watch him. His back was to me so he didn't notice my lustful gaze. I know it was lustful. Sora just had no idea how sexy he could be. Even when he wasn't trying. 

Sexy.

Sex.

Fuck.... err... wrong word. 

It's barely been 10 hours and I'm thinking about sex. 

Told you this would be hard. 

"Can you grab a drying towel for me?" 

I felt my eyes widen at the sound of Sora's voice. I'd spaced out. He as standing there in the middle of our room in just his red boxer. His hair was slicked back out of his face and he looked really exhausted. He smiled though.

"What?" I asked quickly. 

He grinned. "A towel please... So I can dry off you know."

It took my brain a moment to process his words. Towel. Dry. Wet Sora.

DAMNIT! DAMNIT!

"Okay." I said dazed and turned to walk to the linen closet down the hall. 

I found myself imagining lots of indecent things I could have done to Sora's hot little body just then. Too bad we were suddenly practicing celibacy. 

This sucks. 

I paused in the hallway and frowned. I'd forgotten what I was supposed to be getting. I crossed my arms and thought really hard. Oh yeah! Towel. I continued down the hallway. 

"So, about last night..."

That was Cloud's voice. One of my eyebrows rose as I tiptoed over to Leon's bedroom door. It was cracked just slightly. Convenient. 

"What about it?" I heard Leon hiss. Oh, he was mad about something. I nudged the door just a tad to widen the crack. I could see them standing on the other side of bed. Leon was looking through the pockets of a pair of his leather pants while Cloud was standing near him talking quietly. His voice sounded a little hurt.

"Er... what do you mean what about it? Uh... we did..."

"Yeah, I know what we did. So what." Leon had said without turning around to look at Cloud. He had an unlit cigarette in his mouth making his voice sound slightly muffled. Cloud seemed to go weak in the knees and slumped to a hunched sitting position on the bed. I couldn't help but frown. 

Drama.

I listened closer. 

"So let me guess." Leon stood up straight, done fishing around in his pants pocket and flicked his lighter on. It cast a bright yellow glow across his face, making him look rather sinister to me for just moment. He lit the nicotine stick and put out the lighter. 

"You...." He breathed slowly before taking a long exaggerated drag from his freshly lit cancer stick and closed his eyes. Cloud looked like he was waiting in anticipation for Leon to continue. The older man rolled his eyes before he blew the cigarette smoke in a slow swirling manner into Cloud's face. I shook my head. That bastard.

Cloud coughed slightly and fanned at the smoke. Leon chuckled.

"You think it was an accident and it never should have happened. Right?" Leon had said smoothly, like he was reading Cloud's mind. Cloud shifted on the bed. His voice seemed a bit shaky.

"Well, no actually. I wanted to say I... had... I had fun last night."

My eyebrows flew up. HUH?

Leon let out a grunt. I don't think he'd been expecting Cloud to answer like that. I still wasn't sure what they were talking about but it _sounded_ interesting. 

"I was hoping maybe we could do it again sometime. Like how we used to." Cloud went on. He was standing now and walking up to Leon. I had figured out what they were talking about now. 

Oh this was getting good.

Cloud and Leon. 

Together?

Leon was glaring viciously at Cloud. 

Okay... maybe they weren't together. 

Fuck buddies then?

So that's why Leon hadn't come out yelling at the top of his lungs about us wasting his water earlier this morning. He'd been **preoccupied**. I think he was regretting his late night activities now though. This didn't surprise me much. It wasn't exactly **uncommon **knowledge what kind of life Leon led. He was... to put it lightly, a male whore. He probably had slept with everyone in this city. Besides Sora and me. There was someone new just about every night. That person was never usually seen again in this house after that. You'd think a 29 year old that looked the way Leon does would have settled down and had a nice wife, maybe some kids too, by now. Not so for Leon. I'd never seen him with a woman before actually. I remember at one time he'd had one, a girlfriend, when he was about my age. Her name was... Rin-something. I'd seen an old photograph of her in this scrapbook he has. Actually, there was someone else too. I'd heard this name a lot. Seifer. Yeah, this really tall, handsome, teal eyed, blonde guy. Leon had lots of pictures of him. Letters, notes, all sorts of romantic lovey-dovey stuff. They had been really serious at one time. 

Sora told me all of this. 

When I asked him what had happened to this Seifer, Sora got all sad and said he'd died back when Hallow Bastion had been run over by the Heartless. 

That's so sad. I guess... well maybe that's why Leon is the way he is. 

Anyway, back to Cloud and Leon. 

Leon stepped past Cloud, grumbling under his breath. 

"It was a one time thing Cloud." He said coldly. Cloud turned to Leon's direction and gasped slightly. His eyes, they were glowing slightly, had a deep hurt in them. I'd never seen him look like that. I was starting to feel sorry for him. 

"But.. why?" Cloud whispered. 

I was starting to think Cloud had been a virgin for some reason. I mean, he **was **really young, and he'd **just** turned 24... like 2 weeks ago. Maybe Leon was the first person he'd ever been interested in emotionally and physically. Poor choice on his part huh? Especially if he was looking for a long term relationship. I don't even think the words 'long term' and 'relationship' are in Leon's vocabulary. 

Leon smoked the last bit of the cigarette he'd just lit, smashed it out in an ashtray on his dresser, then lit another one. 

"I told you we aren't boyfriends. You're just a.. good fuck every once in a while." He said evenly. 

Geez, have a little heart man. 

Cloud stared at Leon with what I call a look of disbelief. His eyes were glowing so brightly now that the blue light was reflecting off of some nearby objects. He looked like he wanted to say something really nasty but didn't have the nerve too. I honestly don't know why Cloud would be afraid to speak his mind. From what I'd heard he could do from Sora, he seemed like a pretty powerful mother-fucker. So what if Leon didn't want him. Cloud was good looking, and kind enough to get someone else. Someone **_way_** better then Leon. 

"So that's it then?" Cloud had his eyes closed and his head was tilted back just slightly. 

To my utter surprise, when Cloud opened his eyes and I saw tears. I gaped silently. 

Shit... Leon had really broken his heart. 

"What the hell is wrong with you? You came back to me remember?" Cloud hissed.

I found myself leaning heavily against the wall just outside the door. Cloud wasn't about to cry. He was angry. 

I don't blame him! 

But... Well, I understood everything now. Cloud and Leon **had** been together. And all of this time Leon had still be screwing around? That's sick. Maybe Cloud had caught him. Cloud would have had to be blind to not see that Leon was cheating. Well, I guess people trick themselves into over looking things like that when they really like someone.

"Let's just get something straight." Leon was almost yelling now. I put my thoughts on hold to listen. 

"I never said this was permanent. I was in a fucked up point in my life... I was desperate. You were willing to give your 'love' so I took it. End of story. Now I'm telling you to stop the lost puppy act and leave me the fuck alone. You've outlived your usefulness."

My eyes widened. 

Oh shit.... this was serious. 

See why I hate Leon?

If Sora could _just_ hear what he was saying....

"You know, I knew this was coming sooner or later." Cloud was speaking with an icy tone that made me cringe. He was about to say something cruel, I could feel it.

"That's why you're a lonely mean old bastard. People aren't meant to be used. You'd think with a past like yours you'd go well out of your way to treat those around you nicely. It's been 2 years for Christ's sake. He is **never** going to be yours. He's a kid anyway."

I felt my brows knit. **Kid**? Who was Cloud talking about?

"If you haven't noticed Leon, Sora is madly in love with Riku."

Oh shit... he's talking about Sora. **About us**!

I glanced back around the door to look into the room. Leon was steaming in the corner while Cloud verbally bashed him. I'd never seen anyone get the upper hand over Leon like this before. It was kind of exciting. For once in the first time since I'd known Leon, he didn't have anything to say.

But.. what was this about him liking Sora?

My Sora.

Mother-fucker. 

"I told you to shut the hell up about that!" Leon spat. Cloud smiled in triumph. He'd struck a nerve I guess.

"You're jealous of Riku, and what he has with Sora. You'll never have that kind of love. With anyone. You're too fucked up in the head to notice when someone..." Cloud motioned to himself. "...actually cares about you."

Leon inhaled sharply, his eyes were really wide. I don't think anyone has ever spoken to him like that before. Most people were too afraid of him. Like I said Cloud was a nice guy and I'd never seen him mad before, not like this anyway. He had really put Leon into his place. I wanted to clap for him but kept myself quiet. I was snooping anyway. If they caught me... I'd be getting cussed out next. 

"Fuck you." Was all Leon said. OH, great come back man. Cloud shook his head and started to walk towards the door. I gasped, ready to make a run for it when Cloud stopped. 

"I gave up on love a long time ago." Leon had whispered. Cloud turned sharply back towards him but didn't say anything. He seemed to be silently pitying Leon. 

"I didn't ask for you to care about me so don't waste your time. I know... Sora is _Riku's_." My name came out of mouth like a curse or a really bad taste. Hmph, so he has something against me? Leon was lighting another cigarette. Geez, chain smoker. I think the argument had reached it's abrupt end so I made my silent get away. The talk lingered heavily in my mind. 

Oh yeah... Towel. 

I grabbed a baby blue one from the linen closet as I made my way back to my room. Sora was still standing in the middle of the room in his boxers. He was staring into the mirror opposite our bed like he was mesmerized. I threw the towel at his head. He turned and caught it with a practiced grace. I smirked. Hmph, show off. 

"What took you?" He asked and started to bolt at his hair. I shook my head dismissively and slumped onto the bed. 

"I was... nothing." I mumbled. I couldn't tell Sora I was eaves dropping on Leon and Cloud. He'd get mad and say, "Riku, that's so rude." In that scolding little tone he'd developed over the years. I was now laying down on my back with my forearm covering my face. I was feeling tired again. I felt the bed give in slightly as Sora sat on down next to me. 

"What are you thinking about?" I heard him ask softly. I took a moment to **think **about what I was thinking about. 

"Nothing really." I lied. Sora sighed and went back to drying himself.

I was really thinking about what Cloud had said. So.... Leon had a thing for Sora. And he hated me because I'd gotten Sora in the end. *gasp* That dirty old man liked **my** baby? There was no telling what kind of terrible thoughts went through his head when he saw my Sora. I frowned. Leon had seen Sora in his boxers, in his towel after a shower... maybe while he was in the shower. Oh my god....

I was grinding my teeth. 

This was starting to drive me crazy. Sora had been alone with Leon in this house for nearly a year by himself. Had anything happened? What if Leon had tried something with Sora. Yeah, I know we hadn't really been together then... but still. Now that I thought about it Sora did seem a little timid and uncomfortable around Leon most of the time. It never registered to me before that it could be because the older man liked him. That would make **me** uncomfortable knowing a near 30 year old man was thinking sexual thoughts about me every time I was in his line of vision. I sat up sharply, startling Sora. He was eyeing me cautiously. 

"Can I ask you something?" I breathed, trying to calm my nerves. Sora inclined his head and raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah." He murmured. I took a second to decide just how I was going to ask this question without giving Sora the impression I knew Leon liked him. 

"What do you think of Leon? I know this may sound silly and sudden but... I'm just curious."

Sora frowned and turned away slightly. I felt panicked for a brief second. 

"Well... he's very attractive. I won't deny that... but well... he's just sooo..." He paused.

"Uptight." I said.

Sora shook his head.

"Cold."

Sora shook his head again.

"Such a jackass evil bastard."

"Riku!" 

I jumped. 

"What?" I asked innocently. It was true. Leon was all of those things. I slumped forward. "So what is he then Sora?"

He was quiet again. 

".... I think he's just lonely."

I looked up at him slowly. "Excuse me." I said startled. 

Sora nodded once. "Yeah... he really doesn't have anyone you know. No family... no real friends... He's just so used to losing people he cares for Riku. He doesn't act mean on purpose." 

Sora was biting his bottom lip. I scoffed. 

"You **actually **believe that?" I was a bit steamed. Do you **SEE** how nice Sora can be? 

****

Frustration. 

Sora glared at me. "Yes I do. What's wrong with that?"

"It's... crazy. Leon is just a fucking bastard and you know it." I stood up and walked to the dresser. I felt hot, and opened the window. The cold air startled me for a second. 

"Okay then. Explain to me why Leon hates **me**. I've never done anything to him."

Sora was rubbing his arms. I'd forgotten he was naked from the waist up and still damp. I closed the window and waited for his response. 

"He doesn't hate you. I just... I don't think he trusts you after what happened 2 years ago."

I froze. "What?!" I squeaked in surprise. 

Sora giggled just slightly. _This_ was no laughing matter. 

"Well... you did try to kill me, Riku."

I felt a pang of guilt and regret stab me in the chest. Why had Sora brought this up? It hurt me just thinking about it. 

"I did not!! I was just.. going to hurt you a little bi.... Why are we talking about **this**!!" I threw my hands up an exasperation. Sora put his hand on his hip.

"You started this conversation." He reminded me. He was smiling. 

"Well.... I don't wanna talk about this anymore." I said and folded my arms, ending the conversation. Sora shrugged. 

Well that had gone completely wrong. **SO** Sora felt sorry for Leon. ARG!! 

"Riku.. look. I don't blame you for what happened back then. I know it was Ansem" Sora was walking up to me. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into a hug. He was still a lot shorter then me, barely being able to rest his chin on my shoulder. I sighed and leaned into his embrace. It's hard to stay mad and him. 

Well, I wasn't really mad... just a little upset. 

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." I breathed and turned in his arms so I could embrace him. He grinned, wide and toothy, before he tilted his head back to kiss me. I eagerly moved in for the kiss. It had felt like a really long time since our last real one. 12 hours. That's how long it had been. Sora wrapped his arms around my neck and melted into our now very passionate kiss. Our tongues colliding and twisting around each other. I could taste toothpaste on his breath. Mint and Sora mixed well together. 

We ended up on the bed somehow with Sora beneath me. He wasn't letting me go so I just kept kissing him. I was straddling his waist and letting my hands roam free over his almost naked body. He was still very damp but warm with a steamy type of heat coming off of him. Places like his neck, and chest were kinda cold though. It made my fingertips tingle. Mmmm, Sora was so sexy. I pulled away suddenly, breathless, and stared down at him. His deep blue eyes were heavy lidded and his lips were full and slightly bruised. He was breathing like he'd just run a race and his hands were gripping loosely at my sweater. 

"Riku." He moaned. I took a shuddery breath and grabbed his hands. He was testing me.

"We... can't..." I stuttered. You have no idea how hard it was to say that. Sora paused, his eyes opened completely and he cocked his head. I climbed off of his bare legs and flopped onto my back next to him. 

I was really horny. 

"Was that hard?" I heard Sora speaking next to my ear. He was snuggled close to me and lazily tangling his legs into mine.

"Yes...." I breathed truthfully and looked to the other side of the bedroom. I hoped Sora wasn't looking down at our legs or anything. My....** friend **was quite noticeable I'm sure. But I had to calm down for Sora. I may be strong when it comes to resisting violence but I was weak little horny boy when it came to resisting my sexual urges. 

"I'm going to sleep." I grumbled and tried to pull away from Sora. He was clinging to me like glue. 

"Aww, is my little Riku sexually frustrated." he teased and giggled into my shoulder. I simpered and tried to ball up. Sora was laughing into his pillow now. How can he laugh about this? I was starting to believe Sora really hadn't liked sex at all. Other wise he would have been just a horny as I was. Or maybe he had more control when it came to things like this. 

He'd finally beaten me in something. 

But I wasn't competing. I wanted us both to be losers. 

"I know it's hard love. Just be patient. It'll all pay off soon." Sora whispered to me. I felt a slight reassurance from his words and managed to fall asleep. 

-----------

It had barely been a week since Sora and I had stopped exploring our sexual desires for each other. I was more then a bit grumpy and aggravated. It was strange how much better making love to Sora made me feel. But I have to admit, I did have more energy and I did want to get up and do stuff during the day. So I'm taking this in, strife I guess. 

Sora had completely changed. He got up every morning with the stiff determination to not be lazy all day. I barely saw him now. He would make breakfast for me, Leon, and himself , then run off to do random things in the city. When I finally asked him what he was up to he told me he'd started training again. 

With Cloud.

I didn't mind it at first. Sora can do what ever he wants. I was a little hurt that he didn't ask me if I wanted to join him though. I guess he just wanted to get away from me for a little while. For my sake. When he wasn't around I wasn't tempted to molest him. He almost seemed to be avoiding me in some ways. I noticed he was a lot more jumpy and nervous when Leon was around too. Hmmm... 

I hadn't heard anything about Leon and Cloud since that night. It seemed as though they had really ended their relationship and semi friendship with each other. Cloud barely came around now. Only to pick up Sora so they could go train. I saw him at work all of the time though. He seemed sad more so then usual now. And whenever anyone mentioned Leon, Cloud would gracefully change the subject to something or someone less frustrating to talk about. 

It was going on day 9, Sora, Leon, and I were sitting in the kitchen. Sora was busying himself with preparing dinner for us. I offered to help a few times but he'd told me to just sit down and relax because I'd worked hard all day at the restaurant. It was true that I was a little tired from work. It had been busy at 7th Heaven today. I was idly sipping a cup of water and rubbing my constantly grumbling tummy. God, whatever Sora was making smelled really good. Leon was absently staring up at the ceiling. He had a half empty bottle of beer sitting in front of him on the table. I think that was his 5th beer. He had started drinking a lot more in that last few days. That worried me. I didn't like him when he was intoxicated. He acted funny. 

I tried not to stare at him. His head was drooping slightly every few seconds. He was either drunk or falling asleep. I think he's drunk. 

"Leon." I called. He glanced up at me through his long auburn bangs but didn't say anything. I saw Sora glance over his shoulder out of the corner of my eye. 

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink." I said. I wasn't asking him this. I was telling him. Leon sighed softly and picked up the bottle of beer. He downed the remaining contents and tossed the glass towards the trash can. It missed by about a foot and shattered loudly against the floor into a million shiny brown pieces. I jumped and covered my face from the glass. Sora turned around quickly and stared at the mess. He had a knife in his hand from chopping up vegetables. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I hissed bitterly and glared daggers in Leon's direction. The older man chuckled once without looking at me. He seemed to find the fact he'd just broken a bunch of glass really funny. I ran over to check on Sora, who was closet to the trashcan.

"Are you okay?" I asked while motherly inspecting his face, neck, shoulders, and hands. He hadn't been injured. I grabbed his face gently in my hands and stared into his eyes. He looked unnervingly terrified. His eyes were darting back and forth across my face like he didn't recognize me, or he'd just woken up in a strange place. 

"Sora!" I yelled. He flinched hard and closed his eyes. This worried me deeply. Leon was laughing behind me. His voice was so... not his own. He was really drunk. 

"Sora, baby...look at me." I whispered and lifted Sora's face so he could see me. 

"Riku... please don't..." I heard him breath and he tried to pull away and move behind me. I frowned in confusion. What was he talking about now? He was shaking slightly, and the startled expression hadn't left his face. I heard Leon sluggishly standing up behind me and turned around. He was looking right at me. 

"That's it... protect your little baby..." He slurred and started fishing around in his pants pockets. I felt Sora shiver really sharply and lean into me. He wasn't afraid of me... He was afraid of Leon. What the hell?

"You'd better clean that up." I spat once I had turned fully to face the drunken idiot. He was tilting back and forth on his feet and still looking in his pockets. He found his pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. I snarled. 

"The mess Leon! You made it now clean the shit up!" I felt my temper sky rocket. 

"I'll get it." Sora said meekly and fell to his knees to start cleaning up the many shards and bits of glass. I grabbed him to his feet by his arm a little rougher then I'd meant to and looked him in the face. 

"NO!" I bellowed and Sora shrank away from me. "Don't fucking bow down to this alcoholic-chain-smoking-son-of-a-bitch. We do everything in this damned house. He can clean up his on messes!" 

I let go of Sora's arm and took a step towards Leon. Sora whimpered and grabbed me back. 

"Riku... don't please. I can clean it up okay." He begged. I glared sharply into his deep blue eyes. He looked horrified at what was going on. I'd never seen Sora look so scared. What the hell was going on here? 

"Sora... Why are you defending him?" I snapped and yanked my arm away from his vice like grip. He pursed his lips and folded his hands but didn't say anything. 

"Sora." I said loudly. My voice echoed throughout the kitchen. Sora gasped and covered his face. He was crying. I instantly went on alert. 

"What did you do to him.!!" I openly accused and nearly ran up to Leon. He was slouching in his chair again, smoking. He paused and looked up at me. I ground my teeth so hard I started to taste copper on my tongue. 

"WHAT-DID-YOU-DO!!!" I half yelled, half snarled. Leon shrugged and blew smoke in my face. That was it. I slapped the cigarette from his fingers and snatched him up by the front of his shirt. Leon was barely an inch taller then me now. He looked only mildly surprised at what I'd just done. Sora had gone silent, but I could just see the totally shocked expression on his face as he watched me man handling Leon. 

Leon's head lulled back slightly and he started giggling. I blinked. 

"Hmmm, what makes you think... I did... something... hmmm?" He stuttered. I shook him roughly and his eyes grew wide. 

"BASTARD! What did you do to Sora!?" I hissed again and slammed him into the nearest wall. He grunted and slumped into my grip. He was so drunk he couldn't fight back. 

"I've had it with you!" I growled and leaned into him so only he could hear what I was saying. If Sora heard me, he'd be afraid of me forever. 

"Listen, you sick-twisted-cold hearted-child molesting-alcoholic fucker! If you've so much as touched a hair on Sora's body I'll slit your fucking throat. I don't like you, I've never liked you. **I** .." I rapped his head sharply against the wall. ".. put up with **you** for Sora's sake. I'm not a little kid and I'm not afraid of you." 

At that moment Leon suddenly glared slowly up at me. He seemed like he was completely sober now. I didn't stop my threats though. I'd gone too far and I wasn't turning back. 

"When it comes to Sora's I'm perfectly okay with killing people. Remember that." I warned. I was just about to let Leon go when he grabbed **me** with one hand around my neck. I was too startled to gag but I felt my eyes grow wide. Sora gasped. 

"Kill me. Really little boy?" He spat and leaned into me. His lips were barely an inch from mine and I could smell the booze on his breath. His gripped around my throat tightened and I couldn't breath anymore. I wasn't going to show any distress. 

"You have no idea who." His grip tightened again. I winced inwardly. "You are fucking with." He wrapped his other hand around my neck and squeezed as tightly as his fingers would allow. I started feeling dizzy. Shit... he was trying to kill me!

"Leon stop PLEASE!!" I heard Sora Begging. He was trying to pry Leon's fingers from around my throat but it was useless. The mans strength had seemed to increase now that he was drunk. 

"Be careful what you say _little_ boy." Leon said through grinding teeth. He released me and I staggered backwards, coughing and rubbing my adams apple. Sora came to stand by me, gently rubbing my back and asking me if I was okay. I couldn't catch my breath at the moment.

No I wasn't okay. Leon had just tried to strangle me. I watched him leave the kitchen from my hunched over position. If I'd only had a knife just then, I would've tossed it directly at his damned head. I shook my head to clear my vision. It was blurry from me not being able to breath for that short while. Sora was staring at me with a wide tear filled gaze. I didn't know what to say to him. I was kind of angry with him. 

"Why..? Why did you do that?" He squeaked and wrapped his arms tightly around me. He was sobbing again. God, Sora what is wrong? I thought, but didn't ask out loud. I already knew he wouldn't tell me what it was. 

"Shh, It's okay. I'm fine...." I soothed and rubbed his back. He pulled back from me just enough to look into my face. "He could have killed you Riku! Do you realize that?"

Oh, no Sora, that hadn't crossed my mind.

"Of course I knew that." I said absently and rubbed at my neck again. It felt really sore. I coughed slightly. "Crazy bastard.... breaking glass and shit.... What the fucks up with him lately?"

I sat down in the nearest chair at the dinner table and Sora ran to get me something to drink. He came back to me and handed me the glass. I started sipping slowly.

"He's... drunk.... he didn't know what he was doing." Sora explained. I almost chocked on my water. 

Drunk?

"Sora..." I started and he averted his gaze. I grabbed his hand. 

"No... don't ask. I can't... I can't tell you... not yet. Please.... just don't ...." The look of desperation in Sora's eyes made me feel ill. He was begging me not to ask him something...? I dreaded what he meant. I didn't say anything else to him when he went to clean up the broken glass. 

To be continued.

Good, Bad, Continue? Review Please. 


	5. Chapter 5

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 5

__

Let the corruption begin.

3 weeks

3 very long hard weeks. 

You'd think after waiting for nearly 17 years I'd be able to handle this. So not true. I felt like I was being denied being human, being a man. This sucks.

I felt a stirring in my loins. Ah, wrong word. 

Sucks

Suck...

Sora...

SHIT!!

I can't be thinking about those things right now. I stood up from my lounged position and went to get a glass of water. Noticed how I drink water a lot? All around me the smell of various cooking foods filled the air. I had to move left and right a few times to avoid getting hit by a tray, or by people, before I made it to the water machine. I'm at work by the way. In the kitchen taking my 15 minute break. 

6 minutes left before I gotta go wait tables again. 

ARG....

I downed my nice cool glass of water and started absently around. It was quite chaotic back here in the kitchen. You'd never be able to tell from up front in the restaurant. All of the waitresses were moving around like overly active ants, trying to get plates of food, fill glasses with soda, or clean up something. I was the only one taking a break. I was the only male waiter too. Most of the cooks were men except Aeris who was the cooking manager. The general manager was Cloud. 

"Hey Riku, can you grab water for table 82, I gotta ring up table 34's bill." I heard one of waitresses say. I turned to see who it was. I couldn't seem to place her name. She had short black hair, big brown eyes, she was about 6 inches shorter then me.... Oh yeah... the ninja chick. Yuffie. 

I sighed and set down my glass on a nearby counter then started grabbing clean cups to fill with ice and water. 

"Uh.. How many." I called over my shoulder. 

"It's a 6 top hon." She said without turning from the computer screen she was staring at. Her hands were clicking across the keyboard with a practiced speed as she punched in dinner numbers and prices. I shook my head and started to fill glasses. Yuffie had been the one to train me in when I first started working here. She was everybody's friend. Knew where everything was, knew what to do to get the best tips. Well, her shorts being so small probably got her those good tips. She was the only one that didn't seem to care about the no shorts above the knee rule that we had. It was either pants or shorts in blue jean material. No... hot pants. I preferred shorts. I spilled to much water to wear long jeans all of the time. 

Yuffie was really nice and perky. She made this job seem like more fun then it actually was too. I could tell she'd been serving for a while. 

I grabbed a tray and 6 appetizer plates and some napkins. After arranging them to fit on the small tray I hoisted it up on one hand and walked out of the kitchen. It was actually really busy up front and I realized I should cut my break short. I glanced around for table 82, I was still trying to remember where each table was. They didn't exactly have numbers posted on them to let me know. I counted in my head. Ah, there it is. 

Readjusting the slippery tray on my left hand I walked over to the table. It was a group of teenagers, 3 girls, 3 guys, probably no older then me. They all stopped talking when I came over and looked directly at me. I felt nervous for a second. I hated it when the customers did that. 

"Are you our waiter?" a girl asked me sweetly staring into my eyes. I smiled slightly. "Ah no, She'll be with you in just a minute." The guys at the table sniggered. I eyed them. 

"Riku." One of the girls said. I started to ask her how she knew my name but caught myself. My name was on my shirt. Duh!. 

"Yes." I answered. The girl leaned in towards me, she was the furthest away. "Can we order drinks from you until our waitress gets here?" She asked sweetly. I sighed inwardly and pulled out a pen and my order sheets. 

"What'll it be?" I murmured. The girl seemed to think about that. I wanted to get this over with so I started naming the types of drinks we had. 

"Pepsi, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Raspberry Tea, Coke, and Diet of all of those."

The group looked at me. They seemed to want to laugh. The girl that had spoken before smiled wider. It looked fake and forced. 

"No Riku dear."

Dear? I raised an eyebrow.

"We want drinks. As in Alcohol." She drawled. I dropped my note pad to my side and stared at them. Was she serious. 

"Got some ID?" I said coldly. The girl looked shocked for a second. Like I'd asked her the most horrible thing in the world just now. 

"What, do I look 12 to you?" She hissed. Her friends were all glaring at me. 

"ID please?" I said again. The girl looked taken aback. "I'm 21!" She nearly yelled. I shook my head and sighed. 

"Miss, I'm sorry but I can't go by what you say. I need an ID." This was starting to annoy me. It was getting hard for me to keep my voice down. Why did people have to be like this?

"You calling me a liar?" She snapped back at me. I closed my eyes before I spoke. I was about to say something really nasty before I caught myself.

"No, I'm not calling you a liar Miss. But If I serve you alcohol and you're under aged, I could loose my job and go to jail okay." There, that should make her see reason. Bet you 20 bucks she doesn't have an ID.

I saw her reach for her purse, she was swearing under her breath. Her friends were all watching her. 

"Here." She snarled and tossed a laminated card at me. I caught it and looked it over. Her picture was on it. Gah... she took a bad one. Her name, Maria Jennings huh? I found her birth date and counted backwards from mine to hers. She wasn't lying. Hmph, she'd just turned 21 about 3 days ago though. I passed her ID back to her. She snatched it from me with a smirk on her face. Like she'd proven her words and I was feeling really stupid. I smiled politely and in my sweetest waiter tone said. 

"So, what'll it be then?" She gave me her order. She wanted our hardest liquor, 3 shots of it at that. I was about to put my pen away when she said. 

"What about my friends?" 

I glanced at each one of the other people at the table. They hadn't really said anything during the confrontation. I'd forgotten to ask them what they wanted to drink. 

"Oh, Ice or no ice?" I asked, assuming they were about to order soda or tea. To my utter surprise Miss Maria cursed at me. I dropped my nice act and glared at her.

"For fucks sake boy. We want alcohol!" She was yelling. I'm glad the restaurant was already loud or everyone would be staring at us. I managed by sheer force of will to compose myself.

"ID's please." I motioned to the other 5 people. No one moved. I knew it. "Then I guess they'll be drinking pop, huh?" I whispered. Maria stood up and slammed her hands on the table. Her friends jumped and stared surprised at her. 

"I want to speak to your Manager!" She demanded. I laughed slightly. Did she really think she was going to win this? Fine.

"I'll be right back miss." I said and turned to leave. I found Cloud by the bar talking to the bartender. It was obvious no one had heard the argument. 

"Hey Cloud." The blonde turned to look at me with a questioning gaze. "A lady at table 82 would like a word with you." Cloud slid from his seat and put on his managers face before he headed for the table. I followed close behind him. Maria was sitting with her arms folded glaring in our direction. 

"You wanted to see me ma'am?" Cloud asked nicely, automatically looking towards Miss Maria. I rolled my eyes at his sweet tone. How could he do it, be nice to jackasses? Hmph, I could never be a Manager.

"Yeah, see this little boy here." The women pointed at me. "He called me a liar. I want a drink, you know alcohol. I even showed him my ID. He keeps saying he can't give it to us."

Cloud turned to look at me with a flat gaze. I just shrugged. "Well, he's right ma'am. He can't serve you alcohol because he's under aged. He can check for ID's and get another server to get the drinks for you though." I saw the women's eyes widen in realization. I had done just what Cloud said. Cloud turned back to me.

"You checked for ID's already?" I nodded but said. "I just saw hers." I pointed to the angry women. "The others haven't shown me theirs yet." Cloud looked back to them. "If it serves you well, I'll take your drink orders myself. Can I see some ID please?" He said talking to the remaining 5 people. They looked stunned. Cloud smiled slightly.

"You know, It's against federal law to serve alcohol to anyone under 21. If I do I could loose my job and spend time in prison. My restaurant could be closed down too, which means people would loose their jobs. Not only that, the kids who ordered the alcohol would have to do time in a juvenile facility and community service for falsely identifying themselves. As well as face criminal charges on their record and $3,000 dollars in fines."

****

My eyes widened. What had Cloud done, memorized the manager hand book or something? I made a note to never let Cloud catch me drinking. 

The 6 people looked completely shocked. "We'll... all take a coke.. Sir." The last girl said softly. Cloud smiled pleasantly and turned to me. "6 cokes then, Riku." He winked and walked away. I grinned and went to retrieve the soda. 

I told Yuffie about the whole situation that had taken place a little later while she was punching in table 82's order. I was surprised they even stayed to eat after being put in check like that. Yuffie laughed at the whole thing. She said sometimes you just get those customers that think you're scum and they can treat you anyway they like. Then she apologized for putting me through that, even though it hadn't been her fault. 

The night dragged on. I made good tips too. About 75 bucks. Maybe I could take Sora out somewhere nice with this money the next time I had a day off. 

My mood darkened. 

Sora.

The one person in all of my desires and fantasies. I felt like I was losing him. Bit by bit, day by day. I tried to drown myself in work to keep me occupied. But I always had to come back to 'the abandoned house in district 3'. I'd seen Sora... maybe twice this whole week He was gone when I got up and gone when I got home from work. He'd been staying the night at Aeris's place these past few days. She was teaching him magic again. Well, that's what she'd told me anyway. I didn't believe it. Sora was lying to me and hiding something. It just ripped me apart that he didn't trust me enough to tell me what it was. And I **know** it has something to do with Leon. *sigh*

I'm tired. 

I somehow made it to the house without passing out in the middle of the street and falling asleep there. It was dark inside, this told me instantly that Sora wasn't home. I cursed under my breath. I missed him so much. Maybe I should go over Aeris's house. I didn't really like staying here alone with Leon. He didn't bother me at all anymore since that day in the kitchen. But still, the way he looked at me made my skin crawl now. I still had a small bruise on my neck from where he grabbed me. 

I made it to my room without running into him. I wasn't even sure if he was here at all. I started to undress, I wanted to shower. I reeked of dish soap and raw ground beef. The joys of being in a restaurant kitchen all day. I peeled off my serving uniform and grabbed a towel to dry off with. It was Sora's baby blue one. I sighed again. 

'Bring, bring'

The phone chirped quietly from across the room I crawled naked across the bed to pick it up.

"Hello?" I said quietly into the receiver. 

"Hey." It was Sora

I sat up on one elbow. I couldn't help but smile. It was nice the hear his voice.

"Baby." I cooed. He giggled slightly. "You coming home tonight?" I asked, trying not to sound to hopeful. I glanced at the clock and was shocked to see it read 12:35. It was that late already? Damn... what time had I gotten off of work? 

"...no..." I heard Sora breath. He was talking really quietly. I pouted and slumped face first into the blankets. "Why... why not?" I muttered sadly and sat up again, rolling onto my back. Still naked. 

Sora didn't respond at first. I could hear him breathing into the phone. He was probably thinking of a reasonable excuse to tell me. 

"It's late." I said after about 3 minutes. "Yeah...." Sora mumbled. I felt like I was talking to my ex-boyfriend or something. 

"Well..." I sat up and ran my free hand through my hair. "...I'm 'bout to take and shower and go to bed, okay. I'll... see you in the morning?" 

Please say yes.

"Yeah... maybe." 

NOOOOOOOO!!!

"O...okay. Well... goodnight then...." I felt like crying. 

"Good night..."

I was about to hang up.

"Riku!" 

I put the phone back to my ear. Maybe he'd changed his mind and he was going to come home after all. "Yeah." I breathed.

"I love you." Sora said softly. I heard his voice crack. Oh god, was he going to cry again? 

"Sora... what's...." I caught myself because Sora drew in his breath. I couldn't ask him about that yet. I sighed inwardly. 

"I love you too. Always." 

Sora didn't say anything back.

"Goodnight." I hung up. I gripped the phone tightly in my right hand. It cracked. For fucks sake this was driving me crazy. No boyfriend, no sex, not even a freaking kiss good night. And now there was something seriously wrong with Sora.... I pulled at my hair and cringed. I think I pulled too hard. Ah... where's the aspirin. 

About 10 minutes later I was headed towards the shower. I heard nor saw no sign of Leon being home. I made sure to lock the bathroom door before I took my bath. I almost fell asleep in the shower. Again on my way back to my room no sign of Leon. Not that I was worried about him or anything. I didn't like being **completely** alone in this house. I think we need a dog or something. Locking door to bedroom. 

*Yawn*

I dressed in a t-shirt and shorts and flopped into bed. I don't remember what I thought about last. 

----------------

It was maybe.... 3 am. I'd barely been asleep for 3 hours. I heard a loud slam come from somewhere in the house. I jumped abruptly out of my sleep and looked around. My heart was beating a mile minute. I hate being startled out of my sleep. I listened closely for anymore noise. When I heard no more I started to lay back down. I couldn't help but wonder what had made that noise though. Sighing in frustration I pulled myself out of bed. I unlocked the door and walked out. I figured it was just Leon's drunk ass just now getting home. 

I was half asleep while I looked around the house. I didn't see him anywhere. I got just barely past the kitchen door and noted vaguely that the back door was slightly opened. I was awake now. The words, 'Oh shit' formed in my mind. This wasn't happening. I was alone in this house and someone had just broken in. I ran a hand nervously through my hair. Okay... now what? Close the door. I walked cautiously into the kitchen. The light over the stove was on so I could see everywhere just fine. That didn't make me feel any better though. It just told me that the intruder was somewhere **else **in the house. I closed the back door as quietly as I could mange but didn't lock it. Just in case I had to make a run for it. I kept telling myself it was only Leon though. I heard someone grunt somewhere else in the house. 

"Leon...?" I called softly. Maybe I should just be quiet and sneak out. I was scared, I'm not even going to lie. I started turning on the lights in every room I entered as I made my way back to my room. The burglar was no where to be found. 

It must have really just been Leon.

That bastard.

I was about to go back to my room and try to go to sleep when I heard Leon's voice from down the hall. I felt relieved, yes, relieved, and put my hand against my heart. I'd never been so happy to hear that jack asses voice. I went back to lock the back door. 

"You know... you could have said something when you came in." I hissed as I turned into Leon's room. The door was wide open. His room was dark, not even the bed side lamp was on. I glanced down the hall towards the bathroom and noted the light was off in there too. 

"Leon?" I said meekly. I walked a bit further into the room and looked around. This was the first time I'd really been in here. No pictures, posters, cards, nothing any where. There was a brand new pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a 12 pack of condoms sitting on the night stand though. I shook my head and was about turn around to leave when I heard the door snap closed. 

"Snooping." It was Leon's voice. I turned around slowly and glared at him. 

"I'm not snooping. I was just making sure you were home and no one had broken in. You could have said something earlier." I explained. I was annoyed but too tired and groggy to go off the deep end on him. He smiled. 

"Did I scare you?" He teased. I frowned. "In all honesty, yes, you did. I was here alone okay." I started walking towards the door. Leon was in the way. I glared at him.

"Move." I stated simply. He grinned just barely and I got this sudden bad feeling. He leaned against the door, still blocking me from it, and locked it. The click made me jump.

"I still have to get you back." He whispered huskily. I balled my fists"

"I'm not fucking playing with you. MOVE!!" 

Leon started laughing silently, looking almost crazily into my eyes. I backed away from him. I was suddenly very scared. 

"You wanna know why Sora is so terrified of me?" He asked mystically and stepped into my direction. I shook my head, unable to answer out loud. Leon was removing his jacket and belts without breaking his unblinking gaze on me. 

"Oh but you do. You **demanded** me to tell you what I'd done to him." He was right up on me now. I had run out of space to back up in and the back my knees struck the bed. I gasped. Leon grabbed me by my chin and made me look at him. 

"I can show you... better then I can tell you." 

He forced me down onto the bed then, still gripping my chin roughly in his hand. I struggled against his hold but couldn't even get him to let go slightly. His free hand was feeling me up at a frantic lustful pace and I whimpered. This is what he'd done to Sora? I whimpered despite myself and Leon gave a sharp psychotic laugh. 

"That's the same sound he made." He cooed and.... and... he kissed me.

I could taste the nicotine on his breath and wanted to gag. His tongue was snaking around my mouth and down my throat. He was groaning into my mouth almost sucking my air directly from my lungs. I kicked and punched at him but he'd put his entire body weight against me, my ribs felt like they would break. That's when I realized how much bigger and stronger then me Leon really was. 

This wasn't happening. 

He pulled his lips away from mine and I gasped harshly for air. I pushed at him with all of my might and he staggered momentarily, letting go of my chin. I leapt up and ran for the door. I didn't get very far, barely 2 steps, when he caught my shirt and snatched me backwards. I lost my balance and slammed into him. He grabbed my shoulders and roughly turned me around. I shoved at him again before I thought about it and he hit me. 

He hit me really really hard. I tasted blood and blacked out. 

My jaw felt like it was broken when I finally came to. I didn't know where I was or how I'd gotten there. I was lying down staring up at the ceiling. I shifted, noting that I could move okay. 

"Still." I heard him say. I froze and looked around frantically. Where was he? I couldn't see him in the dark room. I started to sit up and felt his hands wrap around my wrists. He pushed me back down to a laying position and I realized I was on a bed. His bed. 

"I said stay still." He breathed into my ear. My bottom lip trembled slightly. Leon's completely naked body was splayed across mine. He was straddling my legs to keep them down. I realized horribly that I was naked too. 

This can't be happening. 

"Let me... go..." I begged slightly. I knew what was going to happen and I felt tears in my eyes. This is what Leon had done to Sora, this is why Sora was terrified of him, this is what Sora wouldn't tell me about.

Leon had raped him.

"Shhhh..." He soothed and ran his fingers through my hair. 

And now he was going to rape me. 

"Don't do this...." I pleaded and started to struggle again. Leon pressed himself harder against me. "Ahhaha, no fighting We already played that game." He kissed me again. I groaned in pain into his mouth. My jaw hurt immensely.

While Leon forcefully made out with me he started shifting around to get between my legs. I tried to kick him, lock my thighs, turn to the side, everything, but he was just to strong. He was only holding my wrists with one hand. I could barely move. 

"Just relax." He said simply and caressed the outside of my thigh. I flinched and pulled away from him. He looked lustfully into my eyes. 

"This is what you wanted little Riku." I shook my head and felt some tears get free. Leon ran his thumb over my bottom lip and licked his own. "It is. The way you look at me, how often you watch me. Think I don't see it? You may not like me, but you sure as hell want me to fuck you." 

"NO I DON'T!!" I screamed. He laughed into my nect heartily. I was hyperventilating now. My chest was heaving and I felt like I'd throw up any second. 

"Let me go!" I begged again. 

"Sora said the same thing." Leon mused and brushed his free hand against my cheek. He leaned forward and started to adjust his hips between mine again. My breath hitched up and I started to cry out. 

"NO, NO!!! I-DON'T-WANT-THIS-LET-ME-GO!!!" 

Leon put his index finger over my mouth and I froze out of pure fear. He was looking into my soul, his facial expression telling me in plain English that he'd finally gotten me. He was saying to me, with out saying a word....

Just let it happen.

Oh my god... Sora...

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!" I apologized frantically. "About what I've done and said to you. I didn't mean it. I was angry.... please..." 

Leon shook his head. I chocked on a sob and turned away from him. He wasn't going to stop. 

"You're always on top aren't you?" He was barely speaking, his voice riddled with lust. I didn't answer him because I really didn't understand what he'd asked me.

"Virgin." He stated simply.

I just remember screaming at the top of my lungs for the next..... forever it seemed. 

I cried...

I begged...

I pleaded for him to stop...

And when I did he just got rougher, more vicious, he hit me again...

I felt sick....

Sora...

Sora....

And completely helpless...

I couldn't even fight back now... and he wasn't even holding me down anymore...

This is what he'd done to Sora....

My baby....

I cried harder, but silently....

Each time I'd thought he was done, before I could barely catch my breath or think of how to get away, he'd grab me again and force himself inside of me. 

He even covered my mouth once when I yelled out for Sora to help me.....

I could see his silhouette looming over me, moving back and forth frantically...

My voice was gone.... 

He hitched me up higher onto him and picked up his pace...

My head was ramming the head board of the bed....

Sora....

"Leon.... st....sto... stop..." I gasped almost voicelessly. 

I just kept seeing his face and hearing his voice begging Leon to stop. Telling him no and please don't.... I wasn't just crying for myself anymore. 

Sora.....

"....stop...." 

I'm....

".... you're hurting me..."

Sorry....

"...please..." 

Sora...

Leon growled loudly suddenly, scaring me. He leaned into roughly kiss me once, breathing and gasping the words, "Oh yes, like that.." into my mouth before thrusting one final time. I felt this hot wave wash past my abdomen, inside of me, and I started to just to sob openly. This was really my first time. I'd never had Sora... or anyone... inside of me before. I moaned in pain through my cries when Leon bit down into my shoulder, still trapped in orgasm. My eyes drooped closed but I wasn't going to fall asleep. Leon was panting heavily against me.

5 times... how long had been....

5 times....

Please god... don't fall asleep. 

He sat up and pulled out of me. I cried out sharply at that pain. Leon grunted and crawled to end of the bed to sit up. He grabbed a cigarette and lit it. I watched him for a few minutes, unable to move. My body felt like jelly and I couldn't stop crying. I gripped the sheets to myself. They felt wet for some reason. 

My mind seem incapable of thinking any rational thought at the moment. I shivered, and twitched, and whimpered for a long time before I could think straight...

He'd raped me...

I was raped....

It kept running through my head. 

Sora...

I scrubbed at my eyes and tried to sit up. I had to get out of here. A sharp stabbing pain seared up my groin and abdomen. I quickly covered my mouth to stifle my cry. 

"Shut up..." Leon mumbled and blew smoke from his mouth. I stared wide eyed at him. Afraid that at any moment he'd jump on me again and start all over. 

"C... can I go...?" I asked hoarsely. I sounded like a 6 year old. My voice was so soft. I don't know why I was asking him if I could leave. I didn't want him to get mad. I cradled the sheets tighter to me, they were so cold and damp... and coppery smelling. I looked down and choked on a gasp.

Blood... everywhere. 

He'd hurt me... 

"Get out." I jumped at his voice. So cold and flat. I didn't take my time getting up even though it hurt like hell. Leon was watching me over his shoulder. I rubbed at my eyes and swept my hair out of my face. I felt filthy. Like a throw away sex toy. I winced and drew in a breath from the clenching pain I had. Leon was suddenly looming over me. 

"Get the FUCK OUT!!" He bellowed and grabbed me by my arm. He snatched me up hard and literally tossed me towards the door. The worst pain the world shot tore through me when I tried to catch myself. My legs felt hallow, disconnected at my hips. I scrambled to my feet and yanked at the door knob. The door didn't move. Leon was coming up behind me and I shook violently I tried to flatten myself as much as possible against the door. Something warm was snaking it's way down my thighs. Leon slammed his hands against the door on both sides of my head and looked me in the eye. I prayed he wasn't about to rape me again. 

"You tell anyone, I'll kill you and fuck your dead body. Then I'll fuck your little boyfriend until he bleeds to death." My eyes grew wide. He didn't have to ask me if I understood. I just nodded stiffly a few times and let him unlock the door. He shoved me out of his room and slammed the door behind me. I sunk to the floor in pain and started to crawl to my room. The house was deathly silent as the sun was creeping up outside. Once safely inside my room I closed and locked the door still on my knees. I couldn't seem to build up the strength to go any further and passed out on the floor wrapped in the bloody sheet. 

It was... just a nightmare....

It had to be...

Sora....

****

To be continued.

Good, Bad, Review Please. 


	6. Chapter 6

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 6

It was maybe... 10:00 o'clock in the morning. I was balled up on Aeris's couch wrapped up in one of her hand made blankets. I felt warm, safe, and extremely comfortable. Sunlight was gently streaming into the living room through a window on the other side of the room. I yawned and stretched across the couch before sitting up and running my hands through my hair. I looked around Aeris's quaint cottage like house absently before standing to go to the kitchen. The carpet was warm and soft against my bare feet. 

I... felt weird today. Like... hallow. I can't really explain it. I had a terrible dream last night. It was about Riku... and something was hurting him. I couldn't see what it was that was causing my love so much pain... I just remember a lot of blood everywhere. I rubbed my face to clear my head. It was just a dream... a nightmare. I had them all the time. 

Riku was fine...

Yeah... he was fine. He could take care of himself. 

But I felt bad for leaving him all alone so often. He sounded so sad on the phone last night. I was tempted to just go home. But... I can't go back to that house yet. I opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a carton of orange juice. I didn't have a taste for any food... not yet. 

I closed the refrigerator door and noticed a pink papered note tacked to it. It was from Aeris. I pulled it free and read it. 

__

Sora honey, 

I went to the market with Yuffie to grab a few things. I know you don't like a heavy breakfast so I chopped up some fruit for you to eat. It's in a pink bowl on the second shelf of the refrigerator. I'll be back in a few hours. Try and get some rest 'kay.

Love Aeris. 

I smiled sadly and folded up the note to put in my pocket. I had a collection of them now. I don't know why I was keeping them. Aeris was such a sweet person. She knew my dark secret. The one I hadn't even told Riku yet. She used her motherly tone to get me to tell her. She kept saying, "Sora, you can tell me no matter what it is." "Sora, I'm your friend, I care about you like a son, please tell me what's wrong." She thought it had something to do with Riku at first and I got a little angry with her. Everyone automatically assumed Riku had done something to me. This let me know they still didn't trust him completely. I remember breaking down and crying for at least a good 30 minutes once it was out in the open. It just felt so good to get it off of my shoulders. I begged Aeris not to say anything to Leon, or anyone just yet. She bitterly agreed not too. I can tell she thinks about it all the time though. When she goes to Leon's house she avoids him like the plague. I don't think he's noticed or gotten suspicious yet. 

I grabbed my fruit bowl and went to sit at the dining table. I really wasn't hungry for **anything** but I'd eat since Aeris took the time to make this healthy breakfast for me. I couldn't stop thinking about that dream I'd had. I felt like it was telling me something. But I didn't want to acknowledge that something could have possibly happened to Riku. It was true that he and Leon didn't get along at all, and they had even had some almost violent confrontations with each other, but I don't think Leon would... hurt Riku. I paused in eating a slice of apple.

Why did I keep automatically assuming **Leon** had hurt Riku?

Well...he'd hurt me...

But I'm weaker then Riku. 

And... it was kinda my fault it happened. 

Riku's so strong...

I didn't say 'No' loud enough... that's all...

Riku can take care of himself. 

I jumped up and ran to the phone. I dialed our house and waited. The phone rang 3 times. I hung up and dialed again. I got 3 more rings...

Maybe they were both asleep. Riku wasn't exactly a morning person. Everything was fine I just knew it. Riku was fine. 

Why is my heart beating so fast...? 

I hung up the phone and leaned heavily against the wall. I felt short of breath and suddenly very weak. I was overreacting. I had to be... 

Riku was fine...

I was breaking into a cold sweat. I looked at my hands, they were trembling violently. 

That's it, I'm going home. 

I grabbed a pair of jeans to put on, not caring to change my pajama shirt. I pulled on my jacket, got my keys, and left Aeris's house. I think I sprinted all the way home from the 1st district. It was gloomy and bitterly chilly outside. What little sunlight there was earlier had disappeared behind a froth of deep black clouds. It started to drizzle slightly so I pulled up my hood. I couldn't be getting sick now. Not surprisingly the streets of Traverse town were noisy and busy. People didn't seem to mind the rain. I shoved and pushed and ducked around, under, and by people and things as I made my way across town. The distance seemed longer then usual. 

"Sora!" I heard a voice call. I almost didn't stop, whoever this was obviously didn't see I was in a hurry. I skidded to halt and turned around. A man wearing a heavy black trench coat was walking up to me, his face shadowed over by the black hood. I took a step back. 

Who was this? 

"Where you off to in such a hurry." 

I sighed in relief, instantly recognizing the soft voice. It was Cloud. He lifted his hood a bit and stared down at me. His soft blue eyes glowing in the gloomy atmosphere. I had to catch my breath before I uttered. 

"Home." 

Cloud smiled and put his hands in his pockets. 

"Want some company?" He asked softly. I studied his face for a moment. This was a person I could trust. I could talk to him, I could let him help me. He wasn't like Leon. Not at all. I must have looked distressed because Cloud put his hand on my shoulder. I lurched away without really meaning to.

"Are.. are you okay?" He asked worriedly. I didn't know what to say to him. No, I wasn't okay. I didn't think I ever would be again. But I couldn't just tell him that. Cause then he'd ask why I wasn't okay. This wasn't the time or the place for this. 

"Can... can we talk about this later? I'm in a hurry." I said rushed. Cloud raised a blonde eyebrow and watched me. I could hear him silently asking, "Talk about **what** later?" But he nodded and turned in the direction I was previously headed. I wanted to take off running so I could get home faster, but If I did, Cloud would really make me tell him what was wrong. 

"You...you stayed at Aeris's house again?" Cloud asked me after a short time. I watched the rain water dollop and splatter on the pavement in front of me and reflect the many neon street lights all around while I answered. 

"Yeah." Cloud turned to look at me. His expression questioning. ".... Is it Riku?" 

My temper flared. 

"No!" I hissed and turned to glare at the man. He seemed slightly taken aback at my sudden change in mood. I didn't apologize.

"**Why** does everyone think Riku is the cause of everything?" I asked and kicked heatedly at a puddle of water, splashing myself. Smooth move Sora. I ignored my soaked pants.

Cloud smiled nervously. "Well... he was... he did kind of..."

"Tried to kill me, yeah I know. I was there remember. But let's just get something straight." I stopped suddenly and turned to look at Cloud. He stopped as well and looked sideways at me. 

"Riku is in **love **with me and I'm in love with him. He would never purposely hurt me. He didn't mean to do what he did back then. It wasn't him!! He's not a bad person. Do you know that he would give his **life** for me. That he spent a year locked away in Hell for me! Now please stop thinking every time I'm distressed or in a bad mood that it has something to do with Riku. He alone makes my life worth living! He makes me happy!" I was screaming and people on the streets were staring at me. I didn't care. Cloud didn't seem able to say anything at first and he just looked at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"I'm sorry." He said after a moment of silence and put his hands on my shoulders. I didn't flinch away this time. Cloud's touch was comforting. 

"And your right. Riku does love you very much. I can see it when he looks at you. Whatever it is that's bothering you Sora, you can tell me. I won't think less of you or ridicule you. God knows I've done and been through some terrible things in my life time. So...." Cloud tipped my head up gently so I could look him in the eye. "...I know where you're coming from. Don't be afraid to talk to me... I'm here if you need me." 

There it was again. The guilt, the pain. It was all about to gush out. Cloud was being so sincere. I couldn't sense any animosity coming from him. But unlike Aeris, who couldn't physically hurt Leon once I'd told her my story, Cloud could. He could seriously brutalize Leon. And vice versa. So...

I couldn't tell him. I didn't want anyone else getting hurt for me. 

Cloud seemed to realize that I wasn't going to tell him anything and he let his arms drop to his sides. He smiled at me again. 

"When you're ready then." He said simply and started walking again. 

"Cloud." I called softly. He stopped and turned to me. I couldn't help doing what I did next. I leapt forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tight. He seemed startled for a split second but then he tenderly placed his hands on my back and soothingly rubbed it.

I wasn't crying... just dry sobbing. 

"Thank you.. thank you. You don't know what it means to me... to hear you say that." 

"It's okay Sora." 

And I had the sudden feeling that things **would** be okay. That he would be there to help me. 

No matter what. 

Things couldn't get any worse... right?

------------

The house was dark even in the day light as Cloud and I walked up to the front door. I looked at him and motioned for us to go to the back. We made our way around and I unlocked the door. The house was eerily silent. Nothing was on. I felt a pull at my heart and started to panic slightly. I had a bad feeling... a very bad feeling. 

Something was wrong. 

"Maybe they're out." Cloud whispered to me. I nodded stiffly, not really agreeing, but trying to hide my worry. We walked into the kitchen and I closed the door quietly. Cloud shook water from himself and trudged to the living room. I went towards my bedroom. 

"What are you doing here?" 

It was **his** voice and I gasped and turned around so quickly I almost ran into the linen closet door. He wasn't near by or behind me. Cloud's voice echoed through the house. 

"I came with Sora." 

I went back towards the living room and found Cloud and Leon glaring each other down. I didn't know what was going on so I didn't say anything. 

"Well, what do **you** want?" Leon asked coldly to Cloud. The blonde didn't seem like he had an answer at that moment and the way he was hatefully staring at Leon concerned me. What was going on between them... if anything?

"I'm just here with Sora, that's all." Cloud finally said and put his hands in his pockets. Leon seemed to have sensed me watching them even though I hadn't made any noise to alert him to my presence. He turned to look at me with those piercing gray/blue eyes of his. I felt like a mouse trapped in a corner by a really big cat. He frightened me just by looking at me. Cloud seemed to notice my unease and said.

"Where's Riku?" 

Leon's head snapped back to him and he looked as though he was sizing Cloud up for the first time. He also looked like Cloud had just caught him in something. 

"Why?" Leon asked. Cloud blinked at the response. Leon had sounded a little too angry when he'd asked that. I started to feel sick. 

"Well... Sora's looking for him." Cloud stated simply. Leon shrugged and walked past Cloud towards me. "Haven't seen him." He said. I gaped silently. Leon was lying, Cloud and I both knew it. 

"You haven't seen him? He does live here with you." Cloud reminded Leon. The older man turned back to him and put his hand on his hip.

"He's not my responsibility." Was all he said and then he went into the kitchen. I'd taken the liberty of moving out of the way long before he started walking in my direction. He glanced at me for a moment and grinned devilishly before putting on his leather jacket and walking out of the back door. It slammed and made me jump. I started hyperventilating for some reason. 

"Sora...." I heard Cloud call me but I couldn't respond. "Sora." He was grabbing my shoulders and shaking me gently. I looked at him, dazed and wide eyed. Cloud frowned and pursed his lips. 

"You're... sweating like crazy... I think you need to tell me what's wrong now." Cloud was speaking slowly and softly so he wouldn't scare me. I'd heard his every word but couldn't seem to say anything back. 

"Let's go find Riku okay." He turned me around and nudged me forward, down the hallway to our bedroom. I walked along absently. I turned the handle and discovered it was locked. I pulled out my key and started to unlock the door but decided to knock first. I didn't want Riku thinking I was Leon. 

"Riku... it's me. I'm coming in okay." I didn't get a response. I looked at Cloud quickly, he was hovering a distance behind me. He nodded slightly. I unlocked the door and went into the room. It was dark in here too, even the blinds were drawn. 

"Riku." I whispered and made my way to the bed. I could see the blankets all bundled up. I crawled onto the bed and felt Riku's warm body under me. He was completely still, breathing softly with the blanket pulled up over his head. I smiled lovingly and leaned over to remove the blanket. I saw his sleeping face and almost broke into tears. 

He was okay.

"Riku." I muttered and leaned over to kiss him. He stirred, he was facing away from me, and turned over. I choked and covered my mouth to hide my gasp. 

His jaw was a deep purple. 

He wasn't okay.

"...baby..." He grumbled and opened his eyes. He looked so tired. He blinked several times and started to sit up. I backed away from him and stood from the bed. He looked slightly hurt at that.

"What...what...ha...hap... happened?" I stuttered, emotion dripping from my voice. Tears were silently streaming down my cheeks and Riku wouldn't look at me. I couldn't believe it. The dream was true.... it was real.. something had happened.

Riku was hurt.

"Oh... this..." Riku shrugged and touched his cheek. I could see the discomfort on his face as he ran his finger tips across the bruise. "... it's nothing... really..." I froze. 

Nothing?

****

Nothing? 

I crawled back onto the bed and grabbed Riku by his shoulders. He looked at me with a haunted glazed over expression. I wanted to yell at him and shake him for what he'd just said. 

"Riku!" I jostled him slightly to get him to look at me. He'd been averting his gaze. "You have a huge bruise across your face... how is that nothing?" He looked away from me again.

"I'm fine." He mumbled and tried to pull away from me. I didn't let him go. He was acting so weird. Where was his mischievous grin? Where was that kiss he always gave first thing in the morning? I was longing for that kiss. Riku almost seemed like he didn't want to see me. 

But on the phone last night...

"Tell me what happened. How did you get that bruise?" 

Riku turned to look at me slowly. He was looking through me. He looked so exhausted and distressed. I felt a new wave of tears. "Why won't you talk to me?" I whimpered and pulled him into a hug. He was limp in my arms. I hugged him tighter. 

"Let me go..." He whispered flatly. I looked up at him quickly. He wasn't looking down at me, he was staring blindly at the wall across the room. 

"... I'm fine." He said again, like he was trying to convince himself that he was, and pried my hands from around his waist. I can't even explain how much it hurt of him to do that. He didn't want me touching him now. My body felt like it was falling apart. My temples pulsed painfully and my throat burned. What was wrong with my Riku?

"Did Leon do this... did he hit you?" I was begging him to tell me now. Riku had lain back down with his back to me. I noticed he was wearing a thick gray sweater and long sweat pants even though he was under that heavy blanket. It wasn't even that cold out. 

"Please talk to me." 

"About what?" Was his muffled reply. 

I reached out and gently caressed his shoulder. I felt him flinch away from me and he suddenly leapt up out of the bed. 

"Don't touch me!" He hissed and smacked my hand away. I recoiled in fear. 

"Riku...?" I said meekly.

"No... no.. don't even... ask me... I don't..." Riku seemed short for words. Like he couldn't think straight at all. He was standing stiffly a few feet from the bed, staring at the floor. 

"What's wrong?" I asked anyway. Riku's head snapped up and he was glaring angrily at me. 

"**How does it feel Sora**!? To be left in the dark about everything!" 

Why was he yelling at me?

"Riku.."

"Just... just leave me alone..." He choked and covered his face with one hand. I reached out for him again and he almost jumped away. He was looking at me like I was wild animal trying to attack him. I noticed that he was cradling his lower abdomen for some reason. Had he gotten into a fight? Riku turned and started to leave the room. I was so shocked at his actions that I just sat there and stared at him. Cloud was waiting in the hallway just outside the door I heard Riku almost scream when he ran into him.

"Whoa, whoa calm down!" Cloud was saying hastily. I scrambled from the bed and went into the hallway. What I saw made me sink to my knees.

"Let me GO!!" Riku roared and he tried to run past Cloud. The older man stopped him with a slight shove to his stomach. Riku winced painfully and lashed out at his head. Cloud dodged the blow and caught Riku's wrist to held it down. Riku swung with his other arm, Cloud caught that one and roughly pushed him into the wall. They were panting loudly but Riku wasn't fighting anymore. 

"Calm down!" Cloud yelled. I dragged myself to my feet with the help of the wall and ambled over to them. Riku had his eyes closed and was breathing so hard his voice was wheezing slightly. 

"...I just went to check... I was alone... the back door... he wouldn't stop...." He breathed. Nothing he said was making sense. Cloud eyed me in confusion. I didn't know what was wrong so I just shook my head. 

"Riku.... listen to me. It's me, Cloud. I'm not going to hurt you. Just calm down okay." Cloud had spoken slowly and gently while releasing Riku's arms. Riku didn't try anything else of the violent sort, but he did sink to the floor and start to cry. 

Oh my god...something **was **terribly wrong with him. Riku never cried in front of anyone but me. 

"It's over.. I'm ..fine... I'm fine... just leave me alone okay..." Riku was mumbling through his sobs. I knelt down in front of him but didn't touch him. He was trying to press himself into the wall as much as he possibly could. He wanted to get away from me. 

"No Sora... don't... just leave me alone..." He muttered and rubbed at his eyes. I glanced back at Cloud, silently asking what I should do. He looked just as lost as me. We didn't know what was wrong or what had happened so we didn't know how to help. 

"Ah... let's go back to your room, okay Riku." Cloud said soothingly. He reached down to help Riku up but he just flinched away. I pursed my lips. 

"Can you move?" I asked. Riku nodded slowly and started to pull himself up along the wall. His legs trembled slightly but he stayed standing. 

"I'll get him something to drink." Cloud told me and headed for the kitchen. I ushered Riku back into our room and helped him sit on the bed. He pulled his legs up and cradled his knees to his chin. Something had terrified him beyond reasoning. 

That dream...

"Here." Cloud whispered and handed me a glass of water. I mouthed a thank you and went to sit next to my distraught lover. 

"I'll just leave you two alone. Let me know if you need anything okay." With a wave Cloud closed our door and I heard him make his way down the hall. 

Riku didn't look at me or say anything for a very long time. I just listened to him breath. It was so unnerving to see him like this. It was usually me he was babying. What had happened to him that turned the tables? 

"A fight... Leon." 

I turned to look at Riku. He'd spoken really softly. 

"A fight, with Leon?" I echoed and rubbed my finger across the cold glass of water. Riku balled up tighter. He nodded slightly. I sat the glass of water down the night stand and moved closer to Riku. He stiffened. 

"Please... please tell me what's wrong." 

I hated seeing him like this.

He was silent for another period of time. I wasn't giving up. I'd find out what had happened. Riku suddenly lifted his head and looked me dead in the eyes. He looked so mad at me that I leaned away from him. He was biting his inner jaw and clenching his fists. 

"You first." He said. I didn't understand him at first. Then a cold sense of dread washed over me. Oh no... Had Riku found out my secret? 

"Leon." He hissed. 

I took a shuddery breath and covered my face. I felt suddenly very chilly and hugged myself. Riku was watching me through his teary blood shot eyes. I stood up and started to pace around slowly. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Riku whispered. I stopped pacing and looked up at the ceiling. I was about to cry again. God I hated feeling so emotional and helpless. 

He knew...?

"I... I wanted to...." I muttered and ran my fingers through my hair. 

"Then why didn't you?" Riku had come out of his ball and was sitting straight up. His mood had shifted from helpless to pissed in a matter of seconds.

"I tried." I explained. 

"Don't you trust me?" Riku asked and leaned forward.

"Of course I do!" I threw up my hands.

"Then why didn't you just say something!?"

"What was I supposed to say."

"THAT LEON RAPED YOU!!" Riku was standing now.

I froze and stared wide eyed at him. Oh my god... he really did know...

Hearing it come from his mouth, through his anger made me feel so bad for keeping it from him. He was right, I should have told him a long time ago. But I had my reasons..

"It...it happened while you were in Kingdom Hearts... we weren't together..." That was a stupid reason... it sounded like an excuse. 

Riku gaped silently at me before he pulled at his hair. "So.. So that's why!! Because we weren't... I was still your friend! You could have just... said it, wrote it down, hinted at it... God Sora... How could you keep this inside for so long?!" 

I took a deep breath. I didn't know how to answer that. How had I kept such a horrible thing locked away for so long. Maybe because I felt guilty. Like it was my fault it had happened in the first place. That I was dirty... tainted... That I was frightened for my life...

And for Riku's.

"He said he'd hurt you..." 

Because of Riku I kept it inside. 

"What?" Came his startled reply. I felt suddenly faint and sat down on the bed. Riku sat back down next to me but kept his distance. I couldn't look him in the eye. 

"He told me... he said he'd... I didn't want you to get hurt..." 

Riku's eyes darted across my face when I finally looked at him. He looked like he didn't understand. But now... I was confused about something.

"How.. how did you find out?" How had he? Who'd told him...?

Riku bit his bottom lip really hard, it started to bleed. He wiped the crimson away on the sleeve of his sweater. Why wouldn't he answer me. I stood up again and went to the window. The weather mirrored our current situation.

Dark.

"Leon told me..." 

I looked back at Riku and frowned. Leon had **told** him? 

"He... just came out and said it...?" I asked. 

The sick bastard was bragging about what he'd done to me now. 

"No..." Riku paused and buried his face into his hands. 

"Then how?" 

Please tell me Riku.

"He... he showed me..."

I let out a pained gasp. No, No, No, No, No, No! He hadn't! This wasn't happening! He promised he wouldn't touch Riku! 

"He tricked me... last night. I went in his room.... that's when it happened. He told me then that he'd done the same thing to you." 

Riku was saying it like he was reading a newspaper article. It was so easy for him to talk about it. I think he was in shock, that reality had finally sunken in. He turned and looked at me.

"Please tell me... everything..." 

He wanted to hear me say it. 

"... Everything?"

That Leon had raped me. 

"I..." I cradled my head in my hand and shook it. "I... don't know if I can...."

Riku was suddenly up, he grabbed me, and was shaking me so roughly I got whip-lashed.

"Do you know what I was thinking about earlier? I was thinking about the real reason why you said you didn't want to have sex anymore! It was because of what Leon had done to you... and because I was almost doing the same thing!"

"That's not true!" I cried back. 

"Then what Sora, why won't you look at me, or touch and kiss me. Do I remind you of him?" 

"No!"

How could he think or say that? 

"You defended him the other day! You said he was just lonely.... after what he'd done to you how could you take up for him like that? How could you make it seem like what he'd done was okay?!" 

I didn't answer. 

"If it's not me then what is it? Just tell me please. What really happened. Why do you feel so guilty?"

"I... I can't..." 

"NO!! Don't even say that to me right now! You know what I went through... how much it hurt.... the guilt... the fear! How can you say you **can't** tell me at a time like this?!" 

Still I didn't answer. Tears started to stream down Riku's flushed cheeks, over his bruise, and down his neck. I noticed a deep welt there too. 

"You... YOU OWE ME SORA!" He snapped through his cries.

I **owe** him?

He was right. If I had just told him about my rape this would have never happened to him. Leon would be in prison or something. I could feel so much emotion coming from Riku at that moment. He understood my pain, my suffering... and he wanted to help me. Even though he'd been hurt he was still protecting me. 

This was all my fault.

"...okay..." I finally said. Riku pulled me into a tight embrace and I started to cry again. It would finally be over. All I had to do was say the words. This burden would finally be off of my shoulders....

"Shhh, don't waste your tears anymore. I'm here, we are going to get through this. I won't let him hurt you again. I promise." 

He was so brave... no matter what it was.

I sniffled and sat down on the bed again. My legs felt so weak. Riku sat next to me and waited patiently for me to begin. I didn't know where to start....

"I was....The first time it happened was...." 

It was time to free myself. 

****

To be continued.

Good, Bad, Review Please. 

Note's: You know, it pains me to write stories like this. I know the characters aren't real, but I still feel so sorry for them. I almost cried myself writing the rape scene and this chapter. I've never been in the kind of situation, but I can only imagine what it must be like. I'm not writing this to make fun of these kinds of situations and my heart goes out to anyone whose ever had to suffer through this. 

This may not have a happy ending....


	7. Chapter 7

****

Note's from Me:):

Okay, I usually try to avoid doing these long intro's because.. well, who cares what I have to say, but after the last chapter I just wanted say **thanks** to everyone for sticking with this fic and leaving such nice reviews. In all honesty I hadn't really planned for it to turn into a story like this. This is literally pushing the limits of my first person writing ability. I think I'm getting to into writing it because my eyes fill with tears during the sad scenes. I feel like I have become Riku and Sora. Anyway, this is where the story takes a turn. A big turn. Riku will be very very out of character. There is no way I can let him deal with his rape and be all big headed. And I want this story to make Sora the strong one. Riku is always taking pain for the both of them, just for once I want his walls to break. I want him to act his age for a bit. If this unnerves anyone I'm sorry, but I just want to show how much of an emotional blow this is to Riku.

Sora seemed really creepy to me in the chapter... I'm like Riku.. Um, how can you be so calm about being raped huh huh? Cloud will now be playing a big role in the later chapters, more so then he is now by the way. Hmmm, what else, I wasn't true to the game about Sora's first time in Traverse Town. Personally, the place always gave me the creeps, it just seemed so fake. Kinda like Niebelheim you know. 

Other note: I try to go back and check for spelling errors, I usually get the big ones, but miss the little ones. If you notice a typo let me know please. 

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 7

__

Moment of truth....

Will it set me free....?

"The first time it happened was when..." I shot a quick glance at Riku and noted warily that I had his undivided attention. His eyes were wide and piercing, his lips parted slightly as he silently waited in anticipation but with a forced kind of patience. I licked at my lips, which had become suddenly dry and tried to rationalize a thought. Where to start? There... were so many...

"I was alone when I woke up in Traverse Town..."

I'll start from the beginning.

"I was alone, cold, kind of hurt from a previous fight with a really big Heartless, and completely confused. I really don't remember much... it was a blur, but I was so... happy? Maybe. To be in another world, I guess. I walked blindly around town, it was dark, dismal, chilly, everyone's eyes were glued to me like they'd never seen a boy before. I was probably wearing the brightest color clothing in the whole town. I had a huge key for a weapon, and personally I didn't feel well protected by it. 

Alleys looked like doorways to Hell, corners were only for those making money.. if you know what I mean. I basically stood out like a bleeding thumb. I started to ask for directions, and where I was, but I was too terrified to talk to anyone. I wanted to get out of the streets and wandered into Cid's accessory shop. He was probably the only person I instantly felt safe to talk too. I told him my situation and he said he'd look after me. He fed me, gave me a rain coat, it was pouring outside when I came too, and told me to look around the town. I thought he'd lost his mind, but once I took the time to get familiar with my surroundings I felt a bit more at ease."

Pause...

Riku was staring at me, his eyes had grown wider, he hadn't blinked once I don't think. I had never really told what it was like when I first got to Traverse Town. The city wasn't exactly... homely to say the least. I could just hear him scolding himself for letting me be alone in this town. I touched his hand gently and watched his lashes lower just slightly. He was listening again. 

".... I saw a man... get his heart taken by one of the Heartless for the first time. Naturally, I tried to help but I was too late.... That has to be the most... horrifying thing to watch.... Anyway, I explored district 2 and noted vaguely that no body was around. I sat by the fountain and wondered absently what I was going to do. I felt... uh lost... Yeah. I decided I'd go back to Cid's place, he'd probably let me sleep there for the night at least."

I paused again. 

How to explain this part. If Riku knew that Leon had actually attacked me the first time we met... I didn't want to cause Riku anymore stress. But I had to tell because he had asked to hear everything... Okay I was stalling, thinking of a way to tell him what really led up to my...my .... sexual abuse... It was hard to say how it really happened because...

"You're going to get mad..." I said with a shaky voice. I was whining actually. Oh my god.... I can't tell him this...

"Sora... you said... I have to know." Riku breathed

I looked Riku in his eyes, silently pleading, begging with all of my heart for him to stay calm and not throw a fit. He raised my hands to his face and rubbed his cheek lovingly against my palms. I smiled sadly. 

"...okay..." He deserved to know.

"Okay..." I started again. Boy I felt... suddenly short of breath.

"When I got back to the first district, everyone was gone. I mean... It was like a ghost town. I got really nervous and slightly scared and went to see Cid again. He... wasn't in his shop. I was starting to panic and wander just what kind of place this was... and what had I gotten myself into. When I stepped back outside it was deathly silent. I could hear my heart smacking painfully against my ribcage. That's when... he showed up."

"Leon...." Riku murmured. I nodded stiffly once. 

"He... was saying something about the keyblade and the heartless coming after me because I had it. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about at first. Then he started to advance on me, telling me to hand over my only weapon...."

I had a sudden painful memory of a fireball incased bullet hitting me dead in my chest. Luckily it was just a magical bullet. Riku felt me flinch and made a worried expression. 

"What happened?" He almost squeaked. I looked away from him and smiled coldly. 

"He kicked my ass... that's what happened. Quick too..." Riku drew in a sharp breath. I could just hear him making a mental list of how many ways he was going to slaughter Leon once he got the chance. 

"And then..." Riku urged. 

"Wait..." I looked back at Riku and studied his face. He gave me a questioning look right back. "I have to tell you... something.... This is what will... make you mad..." I pursed my lips. Riku didn't say anything. 

"I thought... When Leon first showed up... God Riku.... He's...was... so gorgeous." I looked quickly at Riku and noticed how his expression had darkened. I know this was the last thing he wanted the hear right now. But this is what was going through my mind the first time I met Leon. 

"...You've told me about how physically appealing you find Leon once before Sora... back to the story now..." 

He was getting mad. I stood up sharply and stepped away from him. 

"That's just it Riku." I was almost viciously running my hands through my hair and staring at the floor. "This... my attraction to him is a part of the story. It's why everything happened in the first place." 

Riku still didn't say anything. 

Time to go on.

"I woke up some odd hours later in a bed..." Riku took a sharp intake of breath, I glanced at him. "I saw...." No, don't mention that part. I can't tell him I was hallucinating about Kairi, he'd be pissed then. "I **met **Yuffie for the first time then. Together she and Leon explained the whole Heartless, Keyblade Master thing deal to me. Moving on. There was another fight..... I met Donald and Goofy and Aeris.... Er... Moving on again....."

"Did he touch you?" 

I turned to Riku and cocked my head. I didn't know what he was talking about. 

"When you were unconscious?" 

I blinked several times before realization sunk in. I shook my head rapidly several times and waved my hands. "Oh, no, no, no, no, er, Yuffie was there..." At least... I don't think he'd touched me then. 

"Well... lets just say after all of the fights and meetings of strange new people.. and animals... I was dead tired. Cid offered me a room at his place, then Aeris offered me too. Yuffie said she didn't want a kid, a boy, staying in her itty bitty apartment with only a door separating us. She can be... a little mean sometimes. I was just about to decide to stay with Cid, when Leon told everyone in his, no-room-for-argument-tone, that I was staying with him. I... didn't object..."

"Why not?" Riku slightly demanded. I rubbed my face in aggravation. 

"I... I don't know..." That was a lie and Riku was glaring at me because he knew it was one too. I blew a frustrated breath through my lips and sat back down on the bed, on the other side, and went on with my story.

"I have my reasons." I finally said after a time of ear shattering silence. I felt Riku shift on the bed, he was looking at me, and then he said. 

"Give me three of them."

I frowned and stared at the floor. 

1. I was tired and really didn't care where I was sleeping at that moment.

2. I wasn't going to argue with the man that had just beat the shit out of me.

3. Leon was a blue eyed, auburn haired God, who offering me a bed in his house.

Would you have said no? Yeah, that's what I thought.

"I don't... have three reasons. I was.. I was just tired okay." I finally said.

Riku didn't press, oh but he was thinking about it. 

"I think... I didn't like the fact that he was so cold." I turned and looked at Riku and noticed he seemed startled that I had turned around. He averted his gaze just slightly. I sighed inwardly. 

"I'm so used to people... being nice to me... instantly warming up to me because of my boyishly cute face and retarded grin... I just.... I wanted to find out how someone so beautiful could be so cold...." 

Riku rolled his eyes but remained silent. He wanted me to go on and was saving his comments for once I was finished. 

"So there I was.. alone in this still strange mans house. I wasn't exactly comfortable... but... I was to tired to care about any danger." Riku scolded me with a glare.

"Yes I know... I was to trustworthy... I've always been like that. You hate that about me don't you." I knew the answer was yes. But Riku wouldn't say he hated **anything** about me. I really didn't know if he **really** did. I guess he loved me that much.

Yeah...

"That's where it started...." My playful tone had disappeared, I'd been.... joking mostly with a lot of my story telling so far, trying to lighten the mood. But I couldn't joke around this. It wasn't funny and I was ashamed of myself because of it. Riku seemed to notice my change in mood too because he was suddenly staring at me again. 

"Leon.... was warming up to me. Not in a sweet gentle type of way. He was training me, teaching me about various weapons and defenses. It was his way of being nice. He never told me I did good or that I was improving, he just kept pushing me. I found myself eager to hear his words of encouragement. I wanted him to tell me I was getting better. I was craving his approval.... One day... before I was about to set off and see what was past the Deep Jungle's warp hole, Leon came up to me in the secret training area and... he kissed me..."

Riku closed his eyes. Silence.

I was starting to worry about his lack of response. 

"I don't mean a peck on the lips..... He was... I could taste the nicotine on his tongue... That kind of kiss." I cringed when I saw Riku grinding his teeth. He wouldn't have any left at the rate he was doing that. 

"Want me to stop...?" I asked softly and stared at the far wall. I saw Riku shake his head out of the corner of my eye. 

"The... fooling around between us continued. We would kiss... touch... rub... Er... not that okay... but it was getting there, almost all of the time. I won't lie, I was kind of enjoying it." I was feeling suddenly very hot and embarrassed telling my boyfriend this. For all Riku knew, a few hours ago, **he **had been the **first **person I'd ever done **anything **with. 

Well, he had said tell him everything.

"I can't... get mad at you about that..." Riku was speaking softly and what sounded like, very forcefully. He was trying to **not **let this get to him. But like he'd said, he couldn't get mad at me. We hadn't been together. Hell... I hadn't even known I liked boys... or that Riku had been in love with me. I think he was just mad that I'd never told him this before. 

"You were... 14. Your hormones were out of control... I know... what it's like. So you and Leon were.... exploring. Even so... what does this have to do with him ra...."

"I'm getting to that..." I cut him off before he could say **that** word. "...What do you consider rape? Riku." I was trying to stall again and this suddenly popped into my head. I say Riku flinch slightly at the sudden and disturbing question. Oh.... maybe I shouldn't have asked it like that.

"When you say **No**... and... the other person doesn't stop." I eyed him curiously. He hadn't sounded to sure about his own answer. Oh shit... I was digging a grave for myself I knew it. And I had no right to ask him some of the question I was about to... considering what had just happened to him. 

"Saying **No**. Is that it, is that.. really enough?"

"Why wouldn't it be." Riku hissed at me. I jumped just slightly. Okay, quite while your ahead Sora. 

"What if you don't say **anything** at all...?" I asked beside myself. 

"Then it's still **NO**!" Riku's eyes were psychotically large. He turned so he could see me without craning his neck and his chest was heaving. I found myself getting nervous. 

"I.... was only asking...." Riku was standing now and I backed away from him. He just... he looked crazy to me for some reason. 

"You said NO and he didn't stop!? Is that it?" He was just barely yelling at me. I shrank away from him shaking my head.

"I didn't say no." I whispered meekly. Riku's eye's were darting back and forth across my face like he was watching cars speed down the highway. 

"Then you were silent?" He breathed and grabbed my shoulders. I looked down and he shook me sharply, scaring the hell out of me. I looked up and bit my bottom lip. 

Tears filling my eyes..

Fuck...

"I..... I said..."

Yes.

"Yes."

Riku's face went completely slack, his pupils dilated to little black dots, he dropped his arms from my shoulders, and he backed away from me and sank onto the bed. I didn't know what to say to him at that moment. I had just admitted to him that...

"You... weren't my first...." 

He didn't look up at me. 

Extended silence. 

"....Leon... had come back from training. He was tired, sweaty, ....and... I was starting too like him a lot. You could say we were.. together... but none of the others knew about us. 

He had just finished his shower when I came into his room. I'd missed him during the day and went to kiss him. Yes... we were... close..." 

Oh... God I can't believe I'm about to say this.

"Leon and I...hadn't really talked about sex much. I think he just didn't... think I would want too so he never brought it up. He isn't much of a talker anyway.... I just knew that on that night... I wanted him. I was depressed, alone, frustrated because I couldn't find you and....Kairi... I was desperate Riku."

I started to sob at how... whorish I sounded back then. It had seemed like a good thing to do at the time. I'd had no prior sexual experience's but I knew Leon would teach me, that he'd guide me through things. 

Yeah right...

"So... he fucked you then." It wasn't a question. Riku was just trying to get to the point. He had gotten up and I hadn't noticed. He was standing right over me again. I don't know why but I sank to the floor and covered my face. I don't know what Riku was doing but he asked me.

"You started it? You made it happen then?"

"I kissed him." I groaned not uncovering my face."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"....and you said yes..."

"I... told him... I was ready..." I heaved.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"...was..." Riku's voice cracked and I looked up. His eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. His face was a portrait of sadness. 

I felt so terrible just then. 

"...was he gentle with you...?"

"no..."

"So it hurt?"

"..yes...."

He was always worried about me. I wouldn't lie to him.

"....was there blood...?"

"... yeah..." _Riku... stop...._

"...did he say he loved you...?"

__

Riku....

"...no..."

"But you said yes."

__

God... don't do this to me.....

I nodded. Riku's lips moved a few times but nothing came out. He bit his lip and tried to speak again. A pained high pitched squeak left his throat before any words came out.

"He raped you." His words were final. I was about to argue with him but he pointed at me and shut me up.

"You... were... 14 fucking years old! So WHAT, If you said **yes**. You didn't know what the hell you were talking about. Leon took advantage of you. That sick bastard knew that you were lonely and he...." Riku looked up at the ceiling.

"I'm gonna kill him...." He whispered. The way he said those words struck so much fear in me at that moment that I lost my breath momentarily. I wanted to tell Riku no, not to do that, but I was just so scared of him right then. I was scared at what he do once I'd told him the rest. 

"...more then once..." I wasn't rubbing it in his face. His head snapped down from him gazing at the stucco. His eyes asked me a silent 'what?'.

"More..." He choked. 

This is where it got bad.

"I.... didn't say **anything** those other times...."

Riku paled. I kept going. "He got abusive. He'd hit me or shove me and hold me down. I told him no once... and he left me with a broken rib...." I took a breath. If I could just get this out fast....

"The... sex got rougher... I'd be in the shower and he'd come in and... take me... I'd be asleep... he'd hold my wrists together so I couldn't fight back. He even... once across the kitchen table...." I paused and caught my breath. "He told me why he'd done it.... He said I was a whore, to him, and everyone around me. I lived to please people... I wanted to make them happy... that's why I didn't fight back. Because I felt he was somehow... right about that.

Riku was pulling at his hair and murmuring curses and vile ways he'd murder Leon. I knew he was very serious and he was going to hurt himself pulling at his hair. 

"Riku.." I was up and pulling him into a hug. He was gripping against me like I was a life supporter, looking hauntingly into my eyes. 

"How could you let him do... why didn't you say....I feel sick...." Riku slumped to the floor. I followed him. 

I know.... he was **feeling** all of this. He could probably see it in his head. He was thinking back to all of the times he'd never asked me if I wanted to make love or not. All of the times he just kept going even though I wasn't really participating. And he was seeing each and every time Leon took me against my will. The force he used, the threats. It was eating away at Riku that he hadn't been there to save me. I didn't blame him. I'd gotten myself into that mess. I never should have led Leon on like that. That's why I'd gotten over it so quickly. I was still bothered by the fact that Leon had taken me against my will. But I blamed myself. That's... why it didn't bother me so much. 

I'd asked for it.

"He took us both Sora...." Riku was barely speaking. I knew he meant the rapes. It was different for Riku. I know he hadn't wanted what Leon had given him. 

"I'm sorry Riku. This wasn't supposed to happen. Leon told me he wouldn't hurt you."

I was apologizing for causing him this pain. 

"This is my fault...."

Riku was rocking back and forth and cradling his head. He stopped suddenly and winced painfully before balling up and cradling his abdomen. "ah...god..." He breathed painfully and closed his eyes. We sat in silence for a time and I let him cry silently. It felt weird... how easy it was for me to tell him everything now. 

I mused....

"You know... it did feel good one time... and I called out your name. I think Leon hit me hardest that time.... I lost a baby tooth.. Yeah. He was so mad that I was thinking about you when he was the one inside of me." 

I just had to let Riku know that. Weather it made him feel better or not. 

"He told me... you only loved me for sex Riku. That's why I wanted to stop for a while. I had to prove him wrong." 

I was a fool for believing Leon. I was scorning Riku's love for me over absolute bullshit. Leon hadn't known anything. The man had been jealous of Riku before he'd even met him. He was and forever will be alone because he is cruel, uncaring, abusive, and just...sad... his entire existence is just shameful. 

"I'm sorry for believing what he said." 

Riku didn't look at me. I could tell he was thinking about that. 

"I'll be quiet now..." 

And so it was quiet. For some minutes, then an hour, then 3. I realized that Riku had fallen asleep balled up on the floor. There's no telling how long he's been awake. I picked his head up and laid it on my lap. He whimpered slightly and I couldn't help but wince. It was about 4 o'clock now. Still raining outside. I leaned back against the bed and dozed off. I was asleep for at least 3 hours. The talk, the crying, the yelling, the drama had drained me. At about 6:45 I blearily woke up. Riku was looking at me and I gasped slightly when I saw him. He was deathly pale with bags under his eyes. And he was trembling. 

"He was my first.... Sora...."

Not only had Riku been raped his first time, but he would forever be stuck with the vision of Leon.... desecrating him like that. He'd remember his first time all too well. Just like me... 

**__**

I fucking HATE Leon!

"I don't wanna stay here....." Riku whispered softly. 

I smiled sadly at him and pulled him into a hug, caressing his head.

"Then we won't." I said simply and stood up. I had to talk to Cloud about something. 

No matter what it took, I was not letting Riku stay in this house. And we weren't coming back. I hadn't finished my story.... not all of it. But it could wait. I just couldn't bare to tell him anymore. He was trying so hard to be brave for the both of us. But I could see the pain literally devouring him. Riku had never been physically vulnerable a day in his life. To have his control over his own body so easily taken away... It was worse then death to him. 

He would have rather died...

I didn't even know if Cloud was still in the house. He hadn't bothered us once the whole time. I walked down the hall with a new found determination. I would protect my Riku no matter what. I'd take him somewhere safe. 

"Cloud." 

He was sitting on the couch reading the newspaper. He turned to me and smiled. 

"Were you guys asleep?" He asked rather quietly. I smiled back slightly and nodded. 

Cloud sat down his paper as I walked around the couch to stand in front of him. He was gazing at me questioningly. 

"What's wrong?" He finally asked. 

I took a deep breath. I'd just say. 

"Would it be okay if Riku and I stayed with you for awhile?" I paused. "I mean like.... for a year or so....?"

To Continue. 

Good, Bad, Review Please :)

****

Things to come. 

2 months later.

Sora and Riku are now coping with their rapes together but it's starting to tear them apart. They've taken up residence in Clouds 2 bedroom apartment downtown. Riku is depressed and suicidal and Sora doesn't know how to help .Cloud is oblivious to the fact that anything is seriously wrong, but he suspects. Aeris gets cussed out for keeping Sora's secret, and Leon has disappeared. Oh yeah, Cloud has a new boyfriend. Wait till you find out what he's like. 

Err.... still no real sex.... :P


	8. Chapter 8

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 8

Why does he have to give me that look? 

I know he wants to ask.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

But he did say... that he would be there if I needed him.

Shit...

I twirled my thumbs nervously and stared down at the floor. Cloud was staring at me like I was a really big ugly spider on the wall. He hadn't said anything yet but I knew his mind was running a mile a minute trying to figure out why Riku and I were so eager to leave our not so humble abode. 

"Sora, look at me." 

I peeked up through my bangs at Cloud, he was leaning towards me with a slight smile on his face. That made me feel better. 

"Of course I don't mind." He finally said. I jerked my head up quickly and stared almost disbelievingly at him. He'd said 'yes'. For real. Didn't he want to know why?

"But..."

Damn.

"I'm expecting a very valid reason as to why you and Riku suddenly want to pack up and go. I think I know why though..." Cloud stood up and walked up to me. I was a bit worried that he had a slight speculation in his mind about what was going on. I was hoping his imagination wasn't to... expansive. I doubt Leon molesting me and Riku was one of his ideas though. 

"Okay." I said. I would tell him the truth... someday. When things were better. When we were away from here. 

"Can we go now?" I asked. Cloud tilted his head and blinked. 

"**Right** now?" he asked stunned. I nodded vigorously. 

"Yeah.. if that's okay? Um.. I mean.. Riku got into a fight with Leon last night. We can't stay here."

Cloud looked on alert suddenly. Oh.... I shouldn't have said that. 

"A fight... Is Riku alright?" 

Ah... no. 

"Yeah, he's just got a bruise on his cheek that's all. He's tough you know." I tried to keep my voice steady but the more I talked the more it shook. I was getting nervous and desperate. The need to get out of this house was building rapidly. I was worried that at any moment Leon would walk through the door. I honestly think I would faint on the spot if did. 

"Please." I finally said. Cloud seemed to sense the desperation in my voice because he nodded. I smiled and blew out a shuddery breath.

"Okay... just give us like... 10 minutes to pack our things." I said walking away. I almost sprinted down the hall to our room. **Yes**, we could leave and go somewhere safe. My stress level went down just slightly at that. 

"Riku!" I chirped beside myself and turned into our room. I froze at what I saw and ran into in. Riku was staring down at a small but growing puddle of blood on the floor that was seeping from his badly cut up hands. I noticed broken glass on the floor and water spreading slowly across the carpet. 

"Riku..." I fell to my knees and took his bloody hands in mine. "What.. what happened?" 

Riku looked up at me slowly and blinked. "I.. dropped the glass of water... I was cleaning up the glass." He pulled his hand from me and examined the gash across his palm. 

"I... guess I wasn't careful."

He sounded like a robot talking. I wanted to ask him just how the glass had broken on a carpeted floor but couldn't bring myself to say it. I knew Riku had broken it with his bare hands. He was shaking so hard.

"Riku... baby." I gently grabbed his face in my hands and looked him in the eye. He looked back at me but I don't think he saw me. 

"Sorry... it was my fault." He breathed. I wanted to cry at how sad he sounded. So he'd broken the glass, **so **what. He must have thought I was angry with him. 

"It's okay. You just... need to be careful." I sounded like I was talking to a four year old. "Listen, you go and wash your hands to get the blood off. I'm going to pack our things so we can leave."

A spark lit up in Riku's aqua green eyes. "Leave..." He whispered. I nodded and smiled genuinely for the first time in a while. "Yes." I breathed and kissed him on the lips. He seemed to return to his normal self for a moment then, because he kissed me back. 

I pulled him to my feet as I stood and helped him step over the broken glass, his feet were bare, then I ushered him to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. He sat on the toilet and let the warm water run over his wounds.

"Be right back, okay." I said and went back to our room. Riku and I didn't really have much. Clothes, 2 pairs of shoes each, some shampoo, a brush and comb, and a few books we'd picked up from the book store. We didn't collect things like comic books, or magazines. There was no point really. I pulled out a sports duffle bag from the closet and one suite case, wondering exactly when we'd gotten these, and started neatly packing our clothes into them. It took me less then 3 minutes really. Riku was a neat freak so everything was folded perfectly and neatly placed away. Once I'd zipped up both bags I hauled them to the hallway before I went back to the bathroom. Riku was drying off his hands and staring into the mirror. He was examining the bruise on his face.

"...bastard..." I heard him mumble. I came up behind him and tapped his shoulder. I'd really wanted to just pull him into a hug and never let go, but I didn't know how jumpy he still was. 

"I'm done packing." I said softly. He turned around and looked down at me. I smiled up at him and put my hands on his gray sweater covered chest. 

"We can go... when your ready." 

"I'm ready." He said stiffly but quickly. I just nodded and led him to the hallway. I didn't make him carry either of the bags. He slipped on his black sneakers and followed me into the living room. Cloud was pulling on his jacket while talking into his cell phone. 

"Yea... no I won't be in tomorrow. No, I'm fine, something just came up that's all. Uh huh.... er... no. I'll see you then. Yeah, okay. Bye." 

Click.

Cloud turned to us and smiled brightly. "All set?" He asked. Riku sighed and walked into the kitchen without saying anything. Cloud seemed a little hurt by that, but he remained silent. 

"Yeah." I said and hoisted the duffle bag up onto my shoulder. Cloud grabbed the rolling suitcase and headed towards the kitchen too. I took one look around before I followed him. Riku was standing on the back porch with his hood pulled up. A dark shadow was spread across his face. Cloud glanced at me questioningly and I shook my head, telling him to just not say anything. He complied and started off. I pulled up the back door but didn't bother locking it as Cloud and I filed out onto the back porch beside Riku. 

"We have to catch the train downtown." He glanced at his watch. "If we hurry, we can catch the 7:30 one. Come on." He then picked up the suitcase to carry it on his back and took off in a slow jog. Riku and I picked up our pace to keep up with him. 

It was drizzling just slightly out tonight. It was bone chilling cold though. I could feel my teeth starting to chatter and tried to pull my jacket closer to me. My hood supplied me with a little warmth, but I just couldn't wait to get inside of Cloud's place. I could hear Riku's steady foot steps behind me so I wasn't worried that he was tired of falling behind. 

"Almost there." Cloud called. He looked back over his shoulder. "You guys alright?" I grinned. "Of course we are! This is like the races we used to have back home!" I looked back at Riku. "Right?"

He smiled just slightly. 

Good.

I was panting and sucking in air like I'd never had it before by the time we reached the station. I'd made a mental note to ask Cloud why he didn't have a car or something. Riku, as always, wasn't even the slightest bit fatigued, but I noticed he was rubbing tenderly at his abdomen again. 

Christ... Leon had really hurt him.

"LAST CALL FOR THE 7:30 TRAIN. DOWN TOWN, TRAVERSE!!." 

I winced at how loud the overhead speaker was and gripped onto Riku's arm. The noise had scared the hell out of him because he was looking around wildly. "It's okay." I soothed and wrapped his arm in mine. I know people were staring. Oh it's two pretty boys feeling all over each other on in public! Fuck them! I don't care what they think. Cloud was smiling at us. For some reason I think he finds us to be cute together. 

"This way." He pointed and we walked down a large crowded area until we reached a small booth in front of a large gate. There was a very short grumpy looking lady standing behind the booth and she eyed us queasily as we approached. 

"How many." She asked in a very bored tone. I wonder why people with attitudes like hers get jobs like these. Cloud smiled beside himself and held up three fingers. The women pressed a button and three off white tickets popped up out of the desk she was leaning on. She ripped them free of the rest of the roll and handed them to Cloud. He paid for the tickets without waiting for her to say the total and took off in a steady but brisk walk. 

"Just this way." Cloud breathed and turned a corner. He didn't seem like he was going to wait for us to catch up to him so Riku and I ran after him. I figured out why he was moving so fast though as we turned the corner. The train was starting to build up power so it could make it's decent. A large white cloud was filtering up around the dock area and more late comers where swarming to get on board. Cloud grabbed my hand, I grabbed Rikus, and we pushed our way through the bustle of people. All of the strange hands and legs, and other limbs seemed to want to hold us back, Riku's hand felt very sweaty and I found my grip on it slipping. I turned and gave a reassuring face.

I won't let you go.

Riku smiled slowly and just barely as he picked up on my mental oath. His grip on me suddenly tightened and he pulled himself forward, closer to me, and with Cloud we pushed bravely through the crowd onto the train. The fresh scent of oil and fake leather filled my senses and I had to stare around a bit. This was the first time I'd actually ever ridden on the Traverse Rails.... er the train. Everywhere I usually needed to go was in walking distance. *shrug*

Cloud pointed out 3 seats, 2 by each other, one in front of those, and we made our way over. He took my duffle and put it up overhead on a luggage rack along with the suitcase as we settled in. Riku took the seat by the window and I made myself comfortable in the seat next to him. Cloud stayed standing for a moment and kept looking up and down the isle. The person in the seat next to his was a girl with short brown hair, I couldn't see her face, but by the angle of which her neck was craned I could tell she was watching Cloud. 

"We should reach downtown in about 45 minutes." Cloud said turning to me. I nodded but felt discouraged by that bit of information. We'd be on the train that long? How far away was downtown anyway? I didn't say anything and snuggled closer to Riku, trying to warm myself. He looked down at me, still with his hood pulled up, and wrapped his arm around me. 

At least some of MY Riku was still there.

"Just a little longer." I mumbled drowsily. Cloud took his seat in front of us and was silent. That girl sitting next to him turned away sharply. Oh well...

People were finally settled in and the train doors closed. I was looking around absently, watching the conductor pace up and down the isle gathering up tickets. There was a soft murmur as other passengers went on with idle chatter and I seemed to start feeling really tired then. The noise was like the droning of bees and it was boring the crap out of me. 

"Go to sleep." I heard Riku breath and his hold on me tightened. I tilted my head to look up at him but he was staring out of the window. The train jerked a bit and started off almost silently. Riku leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. I found myself wondering what he was thinking about. The look on his face was clearly some kind of relief. Most likely from the fact they we were finally leaving.... getting away from that place. 

Getting away from him. 

I wanted to ask Riku a million questions... mostly what happened to him the other night... in detail if he didn't mind telling me. I couldn't let him keep it all inside. He'd helped me so much and listened so patiently to all of my sorrow, I wanted to return the favor and help him somehow. But I know Riku all to well. He'll try to handle this on his own, he'll push me away for the sake of not dragging me down to his level of distress. He was so stubborn like that. _That_ irked me about him .... irked me deeply. I wouldn't let him deal with this alone, not ever. There was really no telling what Riku would do in the mean time. I mean, after my rape... I became, withdrawn and angry, I didn't want to do anything or talk to anybody. I lost at least 10 pounds from just having no appetite, I got sick easier... I was just miserable all around. It sucked big ass to be like that too. 

I think... when I finally told Aeris was when I started to feel better. It just felt so good to know that someone was there and that they were on my side. My biggest fear of telling was that Leon would hurt that person and that they would say it was my fault I got raped. I already **blamed **myself... but I didn't want someone else rubbing it in. I'm glad Aeris wasn't like that. 

*yawn*

.....

.....

ZZZzzzZZZ.

(transition of thoughts. Riku)

Sora's so warm.

He looks so small and fragile laying there like that. 

God... I can't believe how much he's been through. No wonder he's been so depressed lately. I'm surprised he'd made it this far at all. My baby's so strong.

Why didn't he tell me this before...?

I just don't know if I can live with myself for letting something so terrible happen to him over and over again. I should have been there to save him. If only I hadn't gotten locked away in Kingdom Hearts... none of this would have happened. Wait... it's more then that... If I'd never suggested that stupid journey in search of other worlds NONE of this would have happened. Sora and I would be bathing in the sun on Paopu Island right now, safe, healthy and happy. But instead...

I looked back out of the window and watched the neon lights of the city speed past in a blur of color. This god forsaken city had cause Sora and me so much pain. My first time meeting up here with him that day... in district 3... when I thought he'd forgotten about me. That had started all of this. This unbreakable chain of events that's got my life spiraling down 60 miles an hour towards Hell. It just never ends... no matter how hard I try to just be happy something comes along and fucks things all up. And worse thing is that Sora gets dragged into it all. I try desperately not to pull him into the bad things in my life... but somehow he always manages to be there. He never complains and he always wants to help... but I just don't want him subjected to those kinds of things. He doesn't deserve even half of the awful shit that's happened to him. Out of all the people in this world that I've ever known, I can honestly say Sora is a genuinely good person. He always puts others first... Always me... Even after everything I've done....

I think I'd just die if Sora had anything else to tell me. What he'd already reenacted was bad enough. I pray there isn't more. I pray somehow Sora managed to protect himself. I don't understand why he just didn't fight back... wait... yes I do..

I couldn't help but sigh in slight frustration as I realized sickly that... you just can't fight back during something like that. You try with all of the life within you to get away and it just seem futile. The horrid comments, the touching, the smell, the taste... it just drains you of all of the energy you have. The violation is so.... searing that you feel like a limp noodle or something. God I didn't want that... but I just couldn't fight back anymore. It wasn't just that Leon was stronger... it was something else. I can't explain it. But the feeling is terrible, it makes you seem less then human, like a raw piece of meat on display... everyone can touch you and look at you but you can't pull away or hide. 

I felt suddenly sick, like throw up sick, and turned away from the window to stare at the floor. That at least was moving in a blur of light. Time to think about something else for a while. Something more pleasant. 

Sora's pleasant. 

My baby.

I should stop calling him that. He doesn't seem to mind though.

But.. he is my baby.

I hugged him tighter and he cuddled closer. I wonder what he was thinking about before he fell asleep. I know he was thinking about everything that just happened. Sora was a worrier. Even though he was always curious about everything, he'd always worry about what **if **this, or what **if **that. And I'd talk him into doing things anyway. He'd always follow me no matter what it was. Just like now. He doesn't get enough credit for the wonderful things that he does. Remember when I was complaining about him being to nice?

Well... I'm glad he's like that. 

*yaw.....* ZZZzzzZZZ

-----------

SCREECH!!!

Down Town Traverse!!

I jolted awake, disentangling myself from Riku at the boom of the intercom overhead. God I hated those things. You'd think they could turn them down or something. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes and blearily saw Cloud standing over me. He already had our bags ready to go. I yawned and stood up on wobbly legs.

"We're finally here." Cloud said softly, but loudly enough for me to hear him over other people's conversations. There were a lot of people getting off the train and filling the train dock just outside. I turned back to Riku so wake him and noticed he was already up. He was staring blankly outside the window, studying all of the strange people that inhabited Traverse Town. I wonder what he's looking for. Leon in the crowd maybe....

"Hey Riku." I called and leaned over so I could speak closely to him. He turned to look at me. "Come on." I said and held out my hand and smiled. Riku took my hand without hesitation and I pulled him up gently. Cloud took my hand again and led us off the train. It was plainly obvious the moment we were on flat ground that we weren't in uptown anymore. Everything was practically glowing here. I don't mean that sinister liquor store neon sign glow. I mean, a soft white holiday light glow. The kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Downtown was clearly the suburbs. The streets were sparkly clean, everyone seemed to have this smile on there face like they were the happiest people in the world. It made me wonder what drugs they were on and could I have some. I just felt... so content and safe here. We weren't even to Cloud's house yet. Riku was staring around, just as in awe as I was. 

"This is Traverse Town Square." Cloud started saying as he took a few steps forward. He seemed to still be getting used to the sight of eternal Christmas as well. "Sometimes..." He said and whirled around to look at me and Riku. His glowing blue eyes were pulsing with a vibrancy I'd never seen in them. He was smiling like a little kid at a candy store and It made my heart suddenly fill with joy. 

"...There are parades that fill the entire square." He threw his arms out and looked heavenward. "There's floats bigger then whales and the music is so uplifting and loud you just want to get up and dance and sing, even if you don't know how too." He looked back down at us. "The light's are of every color of the rainbow and they make the entire city glow." He turned away and took a breath, a puff of frozen air filtered up momentarily. "Everyone comes to see! Everyone is laughing and smiling! You just... feel so safe and like you have a place in the world. During the parades... there's no pain. Just joy." Cloud turned back to us and I saw a sparkle in his eyes. A sparkle of tears. Why was he crying? I found myself staring and wondering suddenly. 

"I came here... so I could get away from my past, from my pain. I didn't think there was anywhere that I could ever go that would make me forget. And then, I found this place." Cloud stared down at his reflection on the wet cement of the sidewalk. The lights from the city framed the back of his head like a feathery halo and just for a moment Cloud looked like an angel. I felt a tear stream down my face and absently wiped it away. Cloud was right, in this place, we could be happy. I could feel it in my soul. It was like back in district one, where I felt lost and alone and oh so cold. It's like I'd stepped into another world, and I liked it very much. 

"Riku." I said and turned to look at him. I gaped slightly at him. He had his back to me and his shoulders were hunched up. He trembled, from what, I have no idea, because it wasn't cold here. 

"Riku." I said again and stepped forward. Cloud was watching us silently. I looked around Riku's shoulder, his head was bowed in what seemed like the ultimate defeat and he was making pained noises in his throat. "Riku?" I said questioningly and put my hands on his back to console him. I didn't know what was wrong. Had Cloud said something that had upset him?

"I...." Riku breathed. His voice was brimming with pain from him forcefully holding back tears. I leaned in to listen to him. 

"What's wrong. It's okay hon, you're safe now." I said. I'd meant it too. No matter what.

I couldn't see Riku's face because of his hood but I saw the tears start to stream down in waves then. The splashed silently against the pavement, just catching the city lights and looking like diamonds before they shattered into a million glowing little shards. People were crowding around us slowly with concerned expressions on their faces. I could hear them asking me what was wrong with my friend and was he okay. I didn't know what to say. Complete strangers were worried about us. 

"I..." Riku forced again. I couldn't take it anymore and pulled him into a tight embrace. He gripped onto me like I was going to suddenly be wisped away. "You what baby/ Please tell me. What's wrong?" I spoke into his cheek before I pulled back and looked him in the face. His eyes were closed but tears were still streaming freely. 

"I.... want to forget..." He finally gasped and openly started to sob. He wobbled and I helped him to his knees. Cloud came over to us and kneeled down but remained silent. He just looked at me like he knew this would happen. Is this what he'd meant about feeling accepted. Did this place make you feel this good, that it forced you to rid yourself of your sorrows? I knew about Cloud's past. I'm still shocked he's gotten over it. I didn't understand why I hadn't broken down. Or maybe... there was no reason for me too, because, I'd already been healed. 

A women came up and asked me to my face if Riku was okay. I turned to her and looked into her eyes. I felt like I knew her, she had a face of complete and pure honesty. A mother's face. I grinned slowly and told her.

"Yes, yes he is. Thank you."

To continue. 

Good, Bad, Review Please.

Er... this was supposed to be longer then this. But about half way through I started crying for some reason. I couldn't seem to add anymore but I feel this is a good place to end this chapter. Riku is just so.... his emotions are so powerful to me. I don't know why. So how do you guys like my take on Down Town Traverse hmm? I don't remember where I got the idea from, I just know I wanted the scenery to basically be the total opposite of uptown Traverse. I needed a new setting for where Sora and Riku heal. It makes sense. I am very much getting the urge to draw that little image of angel Cloud. Should I huh huh? :P Heh, till next time. 


	9. Chapter 9

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 9

Don't you ever, never again, not to him, at all. 

"Would you just hold still for a second." I tilted Riku's head back and to the right, examining his bruise. It was 9:45 pm, we'd made it to Cloud's house with the help of that lady so kindly offering us a ride in her itty bitty truck. I couldn't thank her enough. She hugged me so many times that her perfume was still in my clothes. I liked her perfume. It had a mother's scent. She literally picked Riku up like he was a baby and cradled him for at least 5 minutes, telling him that everything would be okay. That sweet boys like us would never be hurt again in this place. That if we ever needed anything to come to her. Her name was Mary. I like that name. Maybe I would call her up sometime. She had kids of her own. A son my age and a daughter about 4 years younger then me. They were all so nice. It was like a dream world. I found myself having a hard time believing it to be true how wonderful I felt being here now. It's like that perfect place you dream about but can never find. 

It's cool. Way cool.

"Oww..." Riku winced and pulled away from me with a quick jerk. I sighed and reached for him again. "Sorry." I said and frowned. He was glaring at me as best he could considering I had his head held back as far as it could go. After we'd gotten our stuff into Cloud's apartment and settled into the guest room I immediately turned to care for Riku. That bruise of his was turning more purple and blue with each minute. As pale as he was it looked like a black hole was eating its way across his face. 

"Hold still... I need to... Riku come on." I whined as he stood up and walked to the other side of the room, by the large window over looking the city. Urg, why did he have to be so stubborn. It'd taken me forever to talk him into letting me look at his bruise. He wouldn't even let me look at **him **at first. But finally he gave in and took off his jacket and lowered the hood of his sweater. His wound was most defiantly worse then it appeared. It had this weird heat radiating from it. 

"I just... wanna put some of this astringent on it. It's going to sting, but the bruise will heal faster." I tried to rationally explain to Riku why it was important for me to take care of his injuries. He didn't want to hear it all.

"I'm fine." He huffed and sunk to the floor in front of the window. I pulled myself up from the bed and went to stand over him. I glared down at him beside myself. 

"Riku, no you're not **fine**. Do you want to know how I know you **aren't**? Because you keep saying that you **are**. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself." I kneeled down and leveled him with steady gaze. He looked back at me with an equal determination. I smirked. 

"Are you challenging me?" I hissed playfully. Riku looked taken aback in a good type of way. He frowned and tried to brush me off by turning his head away. I grabbed his face in my hands tenderly and made him look at me. 

"Well?" I said again, trying to initiate a staring contest. Riku snarled, I know he was playing, and tried to turn from me again. I wouldn't let go of his head but minded his bruise.

"You'll lose." He said after a moment in a flat tone and with a slight shrug. I gaped slightly and then poked out my lip.   


"You think so hmm?" I made him look at me again. He kept his face slack. I gritted my teeth and started straight into his eyes. Oh boy, what had I gotten myself into. Staring contests were like duels to the death with mister no reaction here. Riku did always beat me in this particular game. 

I was doing good for at least 5 minutes. My eyes were burning. Riku showed no signs of distress or of giving up. WHAT was HE? A robot! Christ, blink already. I gritted my teeth harder. I was going to win this time. Riku's lips perked slightly.

DAMN!!

And then he blew sharply into my face. 

DAMN HIM!!

I scrubbed at my eyes and blinked wildly. Lubrication was a good thing. Riku blinked once slowly and turned back to the window.

"Told you." He murmured. 

I snarled. "You cheated! That didn't count! You can't blow in my face! That was foul play!" I huffed and sat back on my bottom. Arg, I'd win next time. I'll put some freaking tape over his mouth. Yeah...

"Come on." Riku was suddenly standing up. I watched him curiously as he went to the bed and sat down. I stood up and walked over to him. He tilted his head back and turned it slightly. 

"Gently." He warned. I grinned and picked up the cotton swab and the bottle of astringent. I dabbed a bit of the liquid on the swab and then patted tenderly at the bruise. Riku sucked in a breath quickly but didn't complain. 

Aww, by baby was so brave. 

I took my time mothering Riku, it had been awhile since we'd spent any type of quality time together. I wouldn't exactly call this romantic, but it's better then nothing. Riku was watching me absently over the bridge of his nose. I had to admit he looked rather cute with his face all turned up in frustration like that. It felt good to see him being at least slightly himself. 

"Done yet?" Riku mumbled in a bored tone. I scowled playfully and sat my medical tools down on the dresser. Riku massaged the back of his neck after sitting in such a awkward position for so long. 

"It should look better in the morning." I told him and sat down as close to him as my hips would allow. Riku sighed and flopped backwards onto the bed and closed his eyes. We didn't say anything for a long time and I just stared out the window. It was raining again, but somehow this rain was soothing and made me feel all tingly. 

This place... can't describe it...

"I think you need to see a doctor." I sighed before I said this and turned just slightly so I could see how Riku reacted. He just made a sound in his throat that pretty much said, "Like hell I am." I sighed a bit more irritably this time and crawled up onto our very nice big and soft bed to loom over Riku. He opened his eyes and regarded me questioningly. I stayed quiet and just poked out my lip. He'd understand what I was trying to say.

"I'm not going to the hospital Sora." His tone was final and he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. I whined and shook my head. 

"Why are you being so stubborn hmmm? Riku... you could have serious injuries. Leon is a grown man and I doubt he was giving you love taps." Riku turned and glared at me. 

"No." He hissed. I was getting angry now. This just wasn't a time for him to be fighting me. He was physically and mentally unstable right now. There was not telling what he would do to deal with this life changing event that he'd just experienced. It was different for everyone who had to suffer through this. And I **know** Riku, he deals with **everything**.... rather violently. 

"No." He said again. I guess he realized I was trying to think of a way to talk him into going to the emergency room

"Riku..." I tried to keep a reasoning tone and made him look at me. "I saw you cradling your abdomen earlier. That's... where it hurts the most after.... after... you know what I mean. You could be torn or something. I mean on the inside you know." Riku's face scrunched up in disgust. 

"I think I bled enough the other day.... I'm fine..." 

I winced when he said that. 

"How much..?" Riku pulled away from me.

"Leave me alone." He hissed just slightly. I felt hurt for a moment. I knew this was going to be hard. We were slowly treading to the topic of **his** rape. Maybe it was too soon. 

"... I just want to make sure you're okay... If Leon was rough with you... you really might need to see a doctor Riku." 

He was standing up and pacing very slowly. That told me instantly that he was really hurt. Inside. 

"Please rest." I begged him and reached out to him. He jumped away and looked at me. He had a slight crazed gleam in his eyes and I to force myself not to go on alert. Riku was just coping. It was just setting in that's all. 

"I'm never going to be okay again... Okay Sora. Christ... I don't want to see a doctor... I mean, there isn't very much he can do anyway. I've been raped, I lost about a pint of blood, my ribs hurt like hell, but I'm alive and walking... I'm straight okay!" 

Riku sat down suddenly and covered his face with his hands. I bit my bottom lip hard enough to hurt, probably enough to bleed.... I hope Riku was just over exaggerating. 

A... pint...

"You... bled that much...? I really think you should see a doctor now. And your ribs could be broken..." I ran a nervous hand through my hair. Oh shit....

"They are..." Riku said so softly I had to strain my ears. And I knew he wasn't lying. Riku knew about this like that. His dad was a doctor after all. 

"They are..." I repeated and went gently touched Riku's back. I realized then that I hadn't seen the rest of his body since I discovered him back at the house. He had on this baggy gray jogging suit that made him look like a really sick bear. I started lifting the sweater in the back and felt Riku flinch and try to pull away. 

"Don't...." He pleaded softly. Now... this was Riku, he normally couldn't wait to show his body too me, and I ah heh, couldn't wait to see half the time either. But now, to hear him clearly say he didn't want me looking at him made me move even faster. I got the sweater about halfway up and noticed a small bruise just at the small of his back. 

"I... ran into the doorknob trying to get away..." Riku told me. I winced sadly at that. 

"Lift your arms..." I said. Riku complied without arguing. Once I got the sweater over his head took in a sharp breath. I guess it was agitating the bruise on his jaw. The sweater was tossed aside once I'd gotten it over his head and I had him lye back on the bed. I choked at the severity of his other injuries. I couldn't see his broken ribs but there was a viciously huge bruise spanning over where his ribs rested. 

"How... the hell...?" I stammered. Riku was staring up at the ceiling like it was really interesting all of a sudden while he said.

"7 times.... with his fist."

Oh my God... 

"That's it, your going to the emergency room." I was on my feet and slipping on my shoes before Riku had barely sat up. He looked at me in disbelief. 

"He's fucking crazy hitting you like that. Like... you're a grown man." I almost slipped putting on my left shoe. "Son of a.... Come on, put your shirt back on." I looked at Riku, dead set on getting him medical attention.

"I'm not going. I don't... feel like dealing with all the questions and stares."

I paused. Riku had this look on his face that said. "Oh, now you understand." I scratched my head out of anyway better to express my sudden brain stutter and sat down. Riku glanced at me.

"They are going to want to know what happened. And if I let them check me... they'll know it was rape Sora.... Then there's the police getting involved, and them wondering why we're living alone... and a bunch of bullshit I just can't handle right now."

Riku had a very good point.... But still.

"Then... okay if not tonight... then in a few days. You should be...."

"I'm torn... Sora... I probably need stitches... I'm just not going period..."

ARGGGG!! RIKU!

"But... Leon sleeps around. He could have... an STD or something." 

YEAH, this would make him go the doctor. Riku had a completely horrified expression on his face now. I hadn't meant to scare him like that. But I had to make him see reason. 

"...Oh shit.... he didn't use... oh my fucking god..." Riku gasped really hard and covered his face again. He was chanting, "This can't be happening.", over and over and over again to himself. 

"Riku...." 

I shouldn't have told him that. FUCK!

"Riku.." 

He looked at me, trying to compose himself.

"Tomorrow. No exceptions." That was final.

Riku just nodded and lowered his head in defeat. I didn't say anything else to him. I'd just leave him alone for a while. I guess.. maybe I wasn't giving Leon enough credit. I mean... he may have been a 2 dollar he-whore but he always had protection. I think he collects condoms. Anyway, he hadn't used one this time. Which was stupid on his end too. What if Riku had **_had _**something? And Riku's blood had gotten all over him.... And Leons.... his... I started shaking my head at that thought. I knew exactly what **that **felt like. It was nasty, especially if you didn't want it in you... I gagged and held my stomach. It made me sick. It was like having a virus running rampant inside of you. 

Leons... his... baby juice... 

ICK!!  
  
ICK !!  
  
ICK!!

"We could go to the police. There's physical evidence. " I just had to bring it up. We would have to eventually. Better to talk about this part now. Riku stood up and again and sighed. 

"No there isn't... I took a shower right afterwards." 

Okay... that was shot to hell.....

"Inside..." I started. Riku growled.

"NO, NO, and NO! That requires going to the hospital. I don't want them looking at me like that okay."

Fine Riku.

"Okay." I said in defeat. This was going no where fast and I was getting more and more upset with each passing moment.

I'm done for tonight.

"You win." I said ending the conversation. Riku huffed slightly and went into the bathroom. It was quiet for a moment then I heard him gag. I jumped up and went to see what was wrong. Riku was on his knees over the toilet violently heaving up... what looked like... pizza maybe. I covered my mouth and turned away. I could never stomach hearing or watching someone puke. I guess all the talking made him ill. He was gagging for a long time. When I finally heard him calm down I went back into the bathroom. He'd put down the toilet seat and was resting his forehead on the cool porcelain and he was gasping really hard. I walked over to him and sat down on the floor. He looked at me through heavy lidded eyes. He looked a little green in his skin from just throwing up. I ran my hand over his arm. His skin was cold, sweaty, and clammy. 

"You okay?" No he wasn't, but I had to ask. Riku nodded slowly.

"....yea.... just.... felt sick...." I nodded in understanding. Complete understanding. 

"You wanna take a shower?" 

Riku dragged his head off of the toilet seat and let it fall into my lap. His hair was damp too. You know.. I think he's running a fever. 

"Baby..." He croaked. 

"Hmm?"

"I.... need your help getting up... I feel to weak..." He said. I let out a soft laugh at that. I pushed him up and leaned his head back onto the toilet seat so he could stay up right. I stood and went to the tub to turn on the water. I ran it until it was hot but comfortable and plugged the bathtub. Riku had managed to lift his head and turn in my direction. 

"You know... we can both fit in there...." he said. I frowned and looked back at the tub. It was true. The thing was basically a small hot tub. 

"You want me to get in with you?" Of course he did. That's why he'd mentioned the tub being so big. Ah der, Sora. But I just wanted to make sure he was comfortable with me being naked with him.

"I'll drown if you don't." He was sitting up now. A bit of color back in his skin. I chuckled and tugged at my shirt. Riku was watching me really hard. I felt special. Knowing he didn't find me still being slightly intimate disturbing after what just happened to him. That was a very good sign. 

"Want some help?" I asked him and pointed to his drawstring pants. He shook his head and pulled the tie holding them closed free. The pants fell loosely from around his hips and he squirmed out of them. He tossed the sweaty pants aside and remained on the floor in his boxers. This was slowly turning into a game of 'strip-for-me' I found it to be nice though. We weren't being sexual, just playful. And considering some of the shit we just went through.... If Riku wants to play I'm not going to stop him. 

"Help." He said and reached out to me. The steady roar of the water filling the tub hid his soft whimper of pain when I pulled him up, but I saw the discomfort on his face. I silently apologized and helped him grip the sink. He legs were trembling. I unbuttoned my pants and let them pool at my feet and there we stood almost completely naked.

Whoo... this was starting to feel like our first time together all over again. I ran my hands up and down Riku's torso, marveling at how beautiful he still was despite the ugly blue bruise marring his otherwise perfect physique. I inhaled sharply, from pleasure or pain I have not idea. I looked him in his eyes and ran my hands over his shoulders. 

"Are you scared?" I breathed. I wanted to know just how he was feeling. I wasn't aroused at all, I was just comfortable and glad to be with him. Riku seemed like he didn't know how to answer. He was shaking harder then ever now.

"Yeah..." He said, his usually strong voice wavering. I stepped up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He didn't hug me back and that was okay. I leaned my head onto his collar bone and closed my eyes.

"Don't be. I would never every hurt you."

I looked up at him and he swallowed hard. "I. Love. You." I paused at each word to make sure he knew I meant it. I would help him heal. I would go slow. His pain would be my pain. 

"You can trust me." I pulled down his boxers and let them fall to the ground, the free my own from my hips. I took Riku's hand and helped him step into the tub. He must have gotten a chill because he shivered really hard. I laughed. I couldn't help it. Riku sunk into the water and scooted to the other side to give me room, not like I didn't have enough. I shut the water off and leaned back to rest. Riku didn't say anything and just kept cupping water onto his shoulders. I stared at him and noted how much he looked like a tattered but gorgeous little angle. He didn't need wings or a halo. He was my angel. That's what I would start calling him. Personally, I think only people who have suffered through hard ships and overcame them despite all odds are **REAL** angles. That's what Riku was. You can't be innocent until you've suffered. Or... something like that. It sounds good in my head. 

So... did that make me an angel... nah.

"Want me to wash your back?" 

I sat up and reached for a wash cloth on the rack over the tub. Riku pursed his lips and then nodded once. He turned his back to me so I could baby him. I took the towel and soap and started to build a nice foamy lather. Riku was staring forward at his own reflection like he was in a trance. I didn't like this silence between us at all. I had to think of something that we could talk about, but something not dealing with our current situation. Something nice. 

"We haven't eaten anything today. Want me to make something for you after our bath?" 

He'd just thrown up and I was talking about food. Way to go smart guy.

Riku shrugged slightly and I felt better knowing I hadn't made him sick again by mentioning food. 

"Soup..." He just said. I nodded. That was fine. Next topic.

"You know, I never asked you this before, but how come you never seemed to tan when we were back on the island?" 

Riku lifted his head slightly but didn't turn to look at me. 

"I didn't really.. like the Sun much." He said it like I should have **known** that. His response struck me as a bit strange. He was born on Destiny Island, how can he **not** like the Sun? But then again, there were a lot of things Riku didn't like that he should. I think he just put up with them because they couldn't just go away.

"Hmm.... well, do you like it now?" I said that because of Traverse Town's lack of natural light. The place was always gloomy. Every now and then the Sun would peek out for an hour or two from behind the one to many ominous gray clouds that seemed to hover over the city. But it just wasn't enough to give you a reason to want to get up and go. I remember back on the island, if the Sun was up **I** was up. So that was every single day from dawn to dusk. The Sun was my natural caffeine. 

"I guess..." Riku started again. ".. I just got tired of it you know..." I stopped washing his back for a moment. He kept going.

"I was just so tired of that place. The same ocean, the same salty air, the same sand... It was just getting so old. I felt tired and always bored. Even when I was with you. Being around you made those things tolerable though. The people irked me. I just couldn't understand how they could except the **same** old thing **every** single day. I just wanted to get away so bad...." 

"Do you miss the Island?" I asked and Riku turned fully around to face me. He pulled me to him, putting my legs around his waist so he could move closer. I caressed his shoulders and chest with the soapy towel and let him speak.

"I miss... the safety of the Island. At least there I knew the only thing we had to worry about were natural disasters. Even then we were utterly and completely safe. But the Island itself... No." Riku took my wrists in his hands and put my soapy hands in his hair. 

"You are my **Destiny Island **Sora."

I smiled lovingly and leaned in to kiss Riku. He timidly kissed me back. 

"You don't have to hesitate. I'm okay now." I said and let my hands slide down his chest and stop just above his navel. I felt him shudder. I knew this was awkward for him. The last thing anyone who had just experienced rape wants to do is have sex or be intimate. 

"We don't have to do anything. I just want to show that with me it's okay."

Riku's cheeks were flaming red. I grinned and kissed him again. It felt kind of nice being the dominant one. But this wasn't about being in control. I would guide Riku through this. 

"Okay, more back washing." I said and freed my legs from around his waist so he could turn around. He looked flustered. I laughed at that. So this was at least slightly turning him on. The healing had already begun.

Or so I thought.

Riku complied and turned to let me finish cleaning his back. His skin was so soft and smooth. I spent a long time just taking the towel and squeezing water from it to watch it glide down his flawless and quite powerful shoulders and spine. 

Riku's so beautiful. 

After a time of soaking until our skin was pruning up we both washed and climbed out of the tub. Riku let me dry him off and he did me in turn. These touchy feely activities were quite fun and really romantic to me for some reason. We left the bathroom together and stepped into our room. I was glad we had our own bathroom. We didn't have to worry about Cloud catching us half naked in the hallway or something. It just made things all the more comfortable.

Riku was bolting at his hair, which I'd spent a good 10 minutes washing just for fun, he was watching me change into my pajamas but didn't try to talk at all. I would never get used to him not talking to me. I remember times I'd have to tell him to just shut up he'd talk so much.

"I'm gonna go make your soup. Was there anything else you wanted?" I asked once I'd finished dressing. Riku was pulling on his pajama bottoms over his boxers and he paused to look at me. 

"A.. sandwich. No cheese and no mayo." He said and went back to dressing. I nodded and noted to add a cup of warm ginger ale to his meal. Something to settle his stomach. I left the room leaving the door cracked slightly. 

Cloud was in the kitchen on the phone. He gave me a quick smile when I walked into the kitchen but kept on with his conversation. I noticed he hadn't changed out of his clothes yet, so maybe he had something else to do tonight. He sounded like he was making plans on the phone at that moment actually.

"We made it safely, thanks. No, they're fine."

He was talking about Riku and me too. Hmmm?

"Yeah... well no. They haven't said anything. Of course I want to know. But I'm not going to pressure them into telling now."

Uh... he knows I'm standing here right?

"Yes I know this is a big responsibility. I wouldn't have done it if I had thought about it first. I can handle this.... No... okay listen..... *sigh*....."

Who the hell is he talking too? And how do they know us?

"I know this is different from me living alone.... Could you just stop, please. I'm not a child. I can take care of the 3 of us just fine. If I have too I'll pick up some extra shifts at work. Yeah... okay. Bye." 

Cloud hung up the phone a little too hard. Whoever he'd been talking too had pissed him off. I wanted to ask him who was on the phone, but it was really none of my business. 

I turned and tried to look like I hadn't been listening to his conversation by fishing around in a bunch of drawers and cabinets. I had no clue where anything really was. I'd never really been to Cloud's house before. Whenever we trained we went to Aeris's place.

"Cid." Cloud suddenly said behind me. I yelped and turned to face him. He was reaching over me to open a cupboard I hadn't looked in yet. It was were all of the canned stuff was.

"This what you're looking for?" He asked and turned to the refrigerator. I smiled in thanks and started looking for soup. Cloud pulled out a bottle of water and opened it. He chugged about half the bottle before he said. 

"He thinks I'm in over my head taking you and Riku in." I paused and turned to look at him. I didn't know what to say. Of all people I never thought Cid would object to us staying with Cloud. He had objected to us living with Leon though. Well, that I understood, but what was wrong with Cloud.

"It's because I'm so young." Cloud answered my unspoken question. "You know Cid still considers me a kid too. He just doesn't think it's wise for me to try and care for your guys alone." 

I took some time to think about that. Riku and I aren't little tiny kids that can't do anything. We can go to work, fix our own meals, do the laundry, clean, and all that other stuff. We aren't helpless. The only thing Cloud would have to do is make sure we're safe most of the time. He didn't have to **raise** us. 

"What does Cid know about taking care of kids. He doesn't have any." I raised any eyebrow. "Does he?" 

Cloud closed his eyes and took a small swig of his water before he spoke. "He used too. A little girl. She'd be... almost 7 I think. Real sweet kid..." Cloud's voice just kind of dropped in volume after that. I knew the whole story with Hallow Bastion and all of that. But.... shouldn't have Cid's daughter returned to normal after I sealed Kingdom Hearts?

"She died of illness." Cloud said. Once again answering a question I hadn't asked. I felt really bad for bringing this up. Poor Cid... no wonder why he was so grumpy all of the time. 

"His... wife?" I'm assuming he'd had one. He must have at least a girlfriend to have had a child.

"Her name is Shera." Cloud said and screwed the top back onto his water bottle. His tone had turned slightly icy when he'd said the women's name. 

"She left Cid after their daughter died. She blamed him for it."

I knew the expression on my face was asking "Why?". Okay, this was some breaking news to me. How do you blame someone for your child dying from being sick? 

"Cid was always off working on some kind of machinery. He used to day dream about going into outer space. He was actually building a rocket."

"Wow!" I said. that was cool!

Cloud chuckled slightly. "Yeah, that is cool. When he found out Shera was pregnant he was ecstatic. He couldn't wait for the baby to be born." Cloud paused and his face became sullen and dark. "But the baby couldn't have come at a worse time. That's when all of the stuff with the Heartless and worlds disappearing started happening. Cid had to give up working on his Rocket to help in the never ending battles with the Heartless. This went on for years. When Michelle, that was the babies name, was about 4 she was diagnosed with some kind of incurable illness. Cid and Shera did everything in there power of course to get her the best medicine and doctors around the world. But nothing seemed to work. Finally the a doctor discovered the illness was fatal to a child as young as her. Michelle died about 8 months later. Well.. she probably would have lived longer, maybe to be at least 10 or 11. But Cid told them to cut her life support...."

I gasped and stared in disbelief at Cloud. 

"Yeah.... He didn't want her to suffer anymore. And with everything going on... there was a chance she'd be taken by the Heartless. What parent wants that to happen to their child. So.. I guess you can say Cid killed his own daughter, but I don't see it like that. I believe he did the most honorable thing any parent can ever do."

Cloud looked at me and smiled slightly. 

"He let her go." 

There were tears in my eyes. I had a new found respect for Cid now. I'd never think he was a mean old fart again. Wow... I don't think I could bring myself to ever do something like that....

Geez...

"Don't tell Cid I told you that." Cloud added and put his bottled water back in the fridge. I nodded. Of course I wouldn't mention what I'd just learned. I didn't want to bring up bad memories. Cloud was leaving the kitchen and I went back to making Riku's dinner. I cleared my mind of all the depressing stuff I'd just found out about. I'd cry all the water out of my body at this rate. 

God... I never would have thought... Cid...

Thinking **happy** thoughts now.

Life sucks.

Happy thoughts!!

Arg...

Once I'd finished fixing Riku's food I made myself a sandwich and carried everything back to our room. Riku was lying across the bed watching something on the TV. He looked dazed and like he was really seeing what was on the screen.

"Dinner." I chirped and laid the tray of food onto the dresser. Riku dropped the remote on the carpeted floor and sat up. I handed him his food and he started to eat silently. We didn't talk the whole time. After we finished I sat the dished aside, reminding myself to wash them later, and went to curl up next to Riku. It was now going on twelve o'clock.

"I'm not tired." I said to Riku and leaned up on one elbow to look at him. He eyed me wearily. He seemed like he wanted to tell me something.

"What?" I cocked my head. 

Riku frowned and chewed his inner jaw. "I was thinking.... If I had been a girl... I could be pregnant." 

My eyebrows flew up. Where had this come from. Riku was so weird to me sometimes. He had a point though.

"But you aren't a girl. So... you don't have to worry about things like that." I said and laughed slightly. This was funny to me for some reason. The frown didn't leave Riku's face and he sat up. I could tell this was really bothering him.

"A baby..." He said absently and ran a hand over his stomach. I pushed myself up completely.

"Riku.. why are you doing that?" I asked eyeing him sideways. Riku shrugged and let his hand drop. 

"I'm just saying... If I had been a girl... I'd be pregnant with Leon's child...."

"But your aren't a girl. So let's not even think about that okay." 

Riku looked at me slowly. "I'd get rid of it." He droned. The way he said that bothered me. 

"Aren't... you against... abortion.."

"No."

Why were we talking about this?

"If a girl wants to murder her own child who can stop her. I just think if you were grown enough to have unsafe sex then you should be grown enough to deal with the consequences. Like... getting pregnant. But if a girl is raped.... Kill it. Don't even think about it."

"... I agree..." I really did. He was right. The responsibility wasn't the girls if she was violated. Riku laid back down, turned his back to me and went silent. 

"Sora... do you want kids?"

Once again, Riku was really weird to me sometimes.

But I had to stop and think about that. I really... didn't know. It was plainly obvious Riku and I couldn't have a child of our own. We could adopt. Or... get a surrogate mother, someone that looked like me, to have our baby. Riku could father it. Hmmm? I wouldn't mind having kids. **Not **right now though. 

"Maybe." I finally said. Riku snorted and said.

"How many?"

"Hmmm." I put my finger against my lips. "6 maybe. 3 boys and a 3 girls." Riku turned to look at me with a wide eyed expression. "Well you asked." I cooed. He snorted again and laid back down. 

"Fine..... but not right now." 

I smiled. 

Ah, my angel. He'd give me the world if he could. I turned off the bedside lamp and snuggled up to him. Before I knew it I had dozed off. 

****

To continue. 

Good, Bad, Review Please.

****

Author's notes: Mary, the strange lady on the street was inspired by my mom. Her name is Mary too :) Still no suicide stuff. Personally I think this chapter was had enough sad stuff to fill two chapters. I had to end it. Besides, things are about to get baaaaad. The suicide stuff is just the icing on the cake. Wait till you taste the filling. What did you guys think of Cid's sad little story. It popped into my head about half way through the chapter. Cloud's BF will be in the next chapter for sure. Who do you guys think he is? LoL. 

Next chapter: *sings* Let's all go the mini clinic, let's all go to the mini, let's all go to the mini clinic *sings* And get checked for STD's *ick* Riku quits his job at 7th Heaven after he finds out that Aeris knew Sora's secret the whole time. Aeris bashing ahead. Cloud introduces his new boyfriend. Riku finds a razor. Ohh, ahhh. Yeah....

Ah.. I'm so retarded. 


	10. Chapter 10

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Chapter 10

I hate this place.

The smell makes me want to puke.

I feel nothing but sickness here...

God this is taking so long.

Why did we have to come to this place....

I sighed and tried to make myself comfortable in the hard wooden chair that lacked any sort of cushioning. It was 8 in the morning, I was tired, irritable, and bored out of my freaking mind. 

But this was my idea. 

But I didn't want to come **here**.

Riku and I were sitting in the waiting room of a Traverse Teen and Family Clinic. We were back in uptown, back in Hell, waiting for Riku's name to be called. This clinic was one of the worst in my opinion. But it was the only place Riku could go to without fear of them trying to contact Cloud. He was a minor after all. And considering the kind of treatment he was going in for, he had to be 18 or over. I'd talked him into going and getting tested for any STD's just in case. And to have his ribs looked at. Thankfully this clinic had an urgent care center. I didn't want to make a trip to the hospital today as well. So it was convenient. Oh and **free. **Riku and I had nearly no money, what he'd made at work he'd spent on getting us new clothes and other personal items earlier today. And medical bills were a bit expensive. We had no medical insurance either.

Another sigh of frustration. I really just wanted to get out of here. This place had a strange unsanitary scent that like I said made me want to gag. I would take the hospital smell over this any day. I looked around again vaguely. I noticed there were lots of really young looking people here in the waiting room. A girl that sat across from me reading a tattered out of date magazine, she looked about 8 months pregnant, but had to be no older then me. I'm 16 remember. Yeah, she's young. Oh, there was a toddler grabbing onto her yelling "Mommy I'm hungry." Over and over and over again. Poor girl. I noted there was no one else, like a boyfriend, sitting beside her. I could be wrong though. Maybe he was at work or something. 

I turned my head. 

2 girls were sitting very close to each other, holding hands. They looked a little older then me. One of them looked really sick. Her pale skin seemed tight and pulled across her bones. She had bandages covering up one arm almost up to her shoulder. I noticed that she was trembling violently and murmuring something. 

Drug addict.

I turned away and flicked at a bunch of brochures I'd picked up out of boredom. I'd read them all already. I was tired of looking at the symptoms of Genital Warts and Syphilis. The pictures made me cringe. I'd read up on various forms of birth control, that would have been helpful had I been a girl... *shrug*. I picked up a brochure I hadn't read yet. It was one of kinds for the teen hotlines. It had a very frightened looking girl on the front of it, she was hugging herself and staring out at you with really wide sad eyes. 

Wonder how much she got paid doing this...

It was a rape victim brochure. 

I flipped it opened and it started with that ominous, "Are you or someone you know being sexually assaulted?" I snorted and read on. "If so, you aren't alone. There are people that can help." I frowned and started reading a bit more. I skipped over the prologue. It was just to pitying for me. I went on to read just what to do if you had just experienced being raped or sexually assaulted. Those are two different things by the way. Looks like I've been through them both...

Anyway, the brochure said that after being raped you shouldn't take a bath and go right to the hospital. Don't take a bath huh? That's... pretty hard not to do. They seemed to know that because they commented on it. "We know what you've just been through feels awful and you are probably feeling dirty.." Not in those words by the way... but it's basically saying that. Continuing...

"But by taking a bath you could wash away important physical evidence that could lead the authorities to your rapist."

That's what I'd told Riku this morning. He wasn't trying to hear that again though. 

I skimmed down the rest of the brochure and noticed all of the phone numbers to various places around the city that dealt with rape victims. Not that I'd be calling any of them... it was just something to note. Riku was suddenly gripping my hand and breathing really hard. I turned to him quickly.

"They... called me..." He said stiffly. I folded up the brochure and stood up. We couldn't make them wait for us. Riku stood as I did and headed for where a lady in floral nurse outfit was standing. She smiled sweetly at Riku and said hello. Riku smiled back nervously. 

"And who are you?" She turned to me. Oh yeah...

"Oh I'm..."

"Sora." The women said softly. I nodded wondering how she knew my name. "Yes, you're here as the spouse." She looked over her clipboard. My eyes widened. Riku glanced at me. 

I'm his spouse?

Hmmm :)

"Well, shall we go?" The nurse asked and moved aside to let us enter a small carpeted hallway. We were in what looked like another waiting room, but the sign over this front desk said Infant Care. There was no body in the section waiting. 

"This way." The women said and took a left. Riku and I followed her silently. I got a lot of smiles from other nurses and doctors in the area and felt a little more at ease with this place. I wasn't even the one getting checked and I was nervous as hell. After another turn we came to a few door. The nurse pushed open a slightly cracked one and turned on the light. Riku and I stepped in as she closed the door. 

"Have a seat." She said softly and motioned to the chairs sitting a very small desk. I took the seat closet to the door and Riku took the other. The nurse, her name was Joann, sat down at the itty bitty desk and pulled out a pen. 

"Okay Riku. It says here you'd like to get a few STI tests done." Riku nodded. Joann went on. "You want to be tested for everything?" She eyed Riku. He seemed to tense slightly but managed to nod. I could only imagine what was running through her head. She probably thought Riku slept around with everyone. 

"Okay." Joann said and scribbled something onto her clipboard. "And you'd like to have a doctor check you over. You think you have a some broken ribs?" Joann looked back at Riku. He lowered his eyes a bit. 

"Uh yeah... I got mugged a few days ago..." He said. He sounded pretty damn truthful too. Joann seemed to believe his story because she wrote something down. 

" Hmm, you have a bruise here too." She noted to herself, pointing at Riku's cheek. "It seems to be healing okay. You've been cleaning it?" Riku just nodded. Joann wrote down something else. That was starting to bother me. 

"Alright then Riku. In order to have the STI tests I need to ask you a few very personal questions. You know and understand all of the information exchanged in this room is completely confidential. The clinic will in no way, shape, or form disclose any of this information without written consent from you. If the situation proves severe, such as your AIDS test comes back positive, we may have to get in contact with a parent or guardian. Do you understand these terms?"

Riku nodded.

"Can you sign here please." Joann handed Riku her pen and pointed to a dotted line. He signed his name shakily. Joann took her clipboard back, flipped the page, and started her questionnaire. 

"What sexual preference would you classify yourself to be. Gay, Bi, or Straight?"

The answer was obvious I think.

"Gay." Riku said without hesitation. Joann smiled.

"When would you say was the last time you participated in sexual activities?"

"...2 days ago." Riku said softly. I knew he was referring to the rape. He couldn't lie about that.

"Was protection used?" 

".....No...." 

"Were you giving or receiving?"

"...receiving." I noticed Riku's hands were trembling violently. I laid mine over his to comfort him while trying not to make it seem like anything was wrong. Joann wouldn't have noticed anyway, she was staring at her clipboard. 

"Was the intercourse oral, anal or both." I frowned at Riku, he couldn't see me though. He seemed to be holding his breath for some reason. All he had to do was answer the question. It was... unless...

"...both..." Riku finally breathed. I gaped at the floor. He **hadn't **told me that. 

Oh no....

Joann went on.

"What reason do you have that makes you think you may have an Sexually Transmitted infection?"

"Past partners." Riku answered quickly. He must had known that was coming. Joann clicked her pen after writing down what Riku had just said. 

"All done. Now, I'm going to be the one doing your tests, but first Dr. Valentine will be checking for your injuries." Joann stood up and went to a drawer. She pulled out a hospital gown and I heard Riku groan. 

"Don't worry, you don't have to take your underwear off. Yet." She handed Riku the gown. "So go on and get changed. Dr. Valentine will be in to see you shortly." Joann gave us one last smile and closed our room door. Riku sunk into his seat. I was at a lose for words at that moment. 

Leon had.. forced oral sex on Riku too...? 

"Why didn't you tell me that...?" I asked. I was hurt. Riku gazed at me. Is expression held an extreme level of shame.

"What was I supposed to say? "Oh Sora, Leon stuck his **dick** in my mouth. I think I may have swallowed **two liters **of his cum?"," 

I winced. Ew.. that was nasty. Especially when Riku said it like that. My stomach lurched violently. I'm glad he hadn't told me...

Riku was changing now. I wasn't really paying attention to him though. I was just thinking how degrading that must have been. Leon had.. never forced me to do that. In a sick sort of way.... I'm assuming... it's how he told Riku he was in control....

Bastard.... bastard.... sick fucking bastard....

"It's all out my system now..." Riku joked icily, his voice cracked. He was referring the him throwing up so much. Gag again.

"I'm sorry." I said. Riku had completely changed and was sitting his folded clothes down in his chair. He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. I stood and went to hug him. I didn't fight me and just leaned limply into my embrace.

"I... just want this to be over..."

I kissed his head. 

"You... must think... I'm so dirty Sora..."

I wanted to smack him for even conceiving a thoughts like that. 

"Riku. How many times do I have to say it. I. LOVE. YOU. No matter what. Nothing is going to change that one simple truth okay." Riku studied my face through watery eyes. 

"Once you're all checked up we can go home and you can rest. Then we can just forget about all of this." 

Riku gave me a nod. He was trying so hard not to fall apart. 

"Sorry to intrude." Came a soft but deep male voice. I let go of Riku, a bit startled, and looked at the door. A tall, at least 6 foot something, man was standing in the door. He had deep brown, almost red eyes, pale skin, and long shiny black hair that was tied back into a neat low ponytail and he looked really young. Maybe no older then Cloud. I know I was staring. He was really handsome. NO, really beautiful. 

"I'm Dr. Valentine." He reached out to shake my hand. I took it and noticed how pretty his hands were. Almost feminine pretty. "You can just call me Vincent." He said and went over to Riku, who had perched himself onto the examining bed. 

"So you are Riku." He said not really asking. "Well, it's nice to meet you." He shook Riku's hand and went to his clipboard. His eyes skimmed over it rather quickly and he murmured. 

"A mugging. Hmm, not good. You're a lucky one." he looked back at Riku. I'd sat back down and was trying not to watch them. It was hard though. I was worried about Dr. Valentine.. er Vincent touching him. What if Riku got really nervous? The doctor would start to suspect something. 

"This happened 2 days ago you said?" Vincent asked and pulled out his stethoscope. He reached into the back of Riku's hospital gown and moved his hand around. I know he was listening for Riku's heart beat. 

"..yeah.." Riku breathed and stared at the floor. 

"Can you take some deep breaths for me?" Vincent said. 

Riku started breathing. His exhales were really shaky. The doctor frowned. 

"Okay, you can stop now." He lowered his medical instrument and ran his fingers down Riku's spine. Riku flinched when the mans fingers brushed the bruise on the small of his back. 

"Hmm." Was all Vincent said. He paused in the examination and wrote something on his clipboard. 

"Okay, lye down please." He instructed. Riku complied and pulled himself up father onto the bed, so his legs weren't dangling, and laid down. Vincent pulled Riku's gown down a bit, just below his navel, he didn't react to the large bruise across his chest though. I saw Riku shiver, from the cold or from being uncomfortable I'm not sure. 

"Hmm." Vincent said again. He was looking over Riku's torso with a steady gaze. Finally he pulled his stethoscope back out and listened to Riku breath from his chest. 

"Good. Sounds clear. That lets us know that if your ribs are indeed broken, that they haven't punctured your lungs." 

I sighed. I'd been worried about that too.

"Sorry if my hands are a little cold." Vincent said as he placed his finger tips on Riku's torso. I guess his hands were cold because Riku inhaled sharply. The doctor chuckled and started making smooth rubbing motions over where Riku's ribs were. 

"If you feel any pain let me know." Vincent told Riku and for a time he there was no talking and the doctor did his work. 

"Have you two been together long?" The answer was directed at me.

"Er.. yes, 2 years... Well we've been friends since we were little." I said. Vincent nodded and smiled. Riku was looking at me. 

"I can tell you two have been together for a very long time. You have, what I call, 'a soul mates gaze'. When the two of you look at each other, a certain level of understanding is passed. You don't even have to speak because you already know what the other is going to say."

Vincent was gaining cool points with each passing second. Either he's gay himself or very open minded. There are few people, males, that would just openly talk to us about our relationship. Cloud, and Cid.... Yeah. 

"How are you doing?" Vincent asked Riku softly. I saw Riku shift slightly and his gaze was fixated on Vincent's pale lovely face.

"I'm fine.... are you almost finished though?" Riku asked. I laughed softly at that. He was always to the point. The Doctor wasn't taken aback in anyway and just chuckled.

"Almost. Tell me, when I press here, does it hurt, like sharp stabbing pain, hurt?" Vincent took three fingers and pressed them against were Riku's sternum would be. Riku gasped slightly and flinched in a very unnatural way. Vincent drew back and nodded. 

"Yes, it appears you do indeed have a few broken, if not cracked ribs." Vincent lowered pulled Riku's gown back up and turned away. 

"You'll need to get some X-rays done and you may need bed rest." 

Riku and I both glanced at each other and frowned. 

We so did not have money or insurance to pay for X-rays. A getting them done would require a trip to the hospital I'm sure you know the out come of that topic by now. Riku sighed and said.

"Is there anyway that can be avoided. I mean.. I feel fine. I only came in because... I wanted to make sure. Now that I know I do possibly have some broken ribs I'll just take it easy for a while.:"

Vincent stopped what he was doing and turned to look at Riku. His gaze was sharp and questioning. I think Riku had crossed some invisible line that he shouldn't have. 

"You don't seem to understand. You need more then just to take it easy. Judging by the bruises you have all over your chest and back. I really recommend you go to the Urgent Care center at the hospital."

Riku scoffed. "Look... we don't have the money for that okay." I gaped. Dr. Valentine didn't seem to startled. Even at Riku's icy tone of voice. 

"Then your parents insurance should cover it." He eyed Riku. I stood then and came to linger next to my now getting angry lover. 

"Look **DR**. Valentine. I thank you for your help and all. Now that I know I'm hurt I'll just chill for a few days. I'll be fine. I'm not some weak little kid that needs his mother to kiss his wounds for him." 

"Riku..." I soothed and took his hand. I really wanted him to just shut up. He was being rude now. But... I guess I understood him a bit. The last thing he wanted to hear was someone mentioning his parents.

"We... live on our own." I finally explained. It was only half true. Sure we stayed with Cloud now, but we took care of ourselves. I one more year Riku would be able to get his legal ID, by a house, a car, get credit cards, everything. Then we'd be able to be on our own. 

"No guardian?" Vincent asked. I bit my lip. I heard the man sigh. 

"I see. So that would explain why you came here. Okay... well..." Vincent was flipping through some papers on his clipboard. "Ah, here." He gave me a business card. "When you get the chance. Call this place. They can set you up with free medical insurance. And because of your situation, they won't question you about your age or anything. Tell them Dr. Vincent Valentine referred you." 

I took the card and smiled thankfully at the man. He was so understanding. If only more people in the world were like him.

"Well Riku. For the time being. Get some rest. Don't lift **ANYTHING**, try not to move around too much and avoid strenuous and physical...." He winked, I blushed. ."..activities. I'll give you a prescription for some pain medicine." And with that he made his graceful exit with a small smile and wave. 

"Well, that part is over. Now you just gotta..." I turned to Riku and saw him pale. He seemed to have forgotten about his STD testing. I rubbed his shoulders. "It'll be fine." I was saying this from experience. True the tests were anything but fun. But they weren't so bad once you got past the part that a stranger was staring at and touching your genitals. I wasn't going to say that out loud though.

"... can you stay...?" Riku whispered. I looked at him in confusion. Stay? Where was I going. He seemed to understand why I was so confused.

"I know... you probably don't want to watch... but could you... don't leave my side okay..." He was getting close to begging and I nodded vigorously. Of course I would stay. I kissed Riku gently on his cheek and we waited for the nurse to come back. I felt Riku stiffen when she entered the room with a small cart. I had lots of various tools, cups, small sample dishes on it. Joann smiled.

"Ready?"

-------------

We'd made it back home with no incidents. Riku had gone and immediately took a bath. I heard him whimpering and moaning in sorrow in the shower through the door. The tests were degrading. They really made you feel worse once they were all done. The questions stayed on your mind for days and haunted your dreams at night. You keep wondering and dreading in heated anticipation for the results. Which we will know in a week. Well... except for the AIDS test. That's 6 months. But I'm not worried about that at all. Leon's a whore yes, but he lives by safe sex....

I tried to avoid conversation all together once Riku had settled down enough to relax. He was lying with his eyes closed, on his stomach, and the head of the bed in his pajamas. 

"Did you take some of that pain medicine?" I asked, referring to the prescription Dr. Valentine had written out for Riku. That freaking bottle of meds was forty-five damn dollars. For 25 pills with one refill. The fuck... but I forked over the cash so Riku could get better. 

I need a job..

"Yeah...." Riku slurred. I eyed him worriedly. He was acting funny. 

"You just took **one** right?" I asked and crawled up to him. He was breathing really slowly and couldn't seem to focus on me. He managed a slow nod.

"... Well the doctor said that they'd make you a little sluggish..." I ran a hand through Riku's hair and smiled. He was dozing off. 

"Just rest. We can start fresh tomorrow." 

-------------

Tomorrow and the days after that, were good days. We were healing.

-------------

1 month and 1 week later. 

I thought things were getting better. I hoped and prayed at night that they were. Riku was doing much better, emotionally and physically. He was smiling, if only slightly, again. I lifted my heart to see him in good spirits. Cloud still didn't know anything. And I felt guilty for not telling him. It had been a month and then some since those life changing events had swept down upon us. It felt like another life time really. I hadn't shed a single tear since then. It felt good to be happy for once. And Riku and I were seemingly moving on with our lives. Riku had gone back to work a few shifts a week at the restaurant. We had money again so that was a plus. He didn't talk about work to me, or anything from outside though. 

We'd come accustomed to our new living space. Cloud's apartment was nice and cozy with plenty of space for the three of us. Cloud... we didn't see much any more. Only in the morning and maybe some times in between. He hadn't grown distant of anything. He just.... always seemed to be doing something now-a-days. That was fine.. I mean, we aren't his kids....

I wonder who he's always on the phone with though...

I was always stuck in this apartment during the day. I didn't have a job yet. Riku didn't really want me to get one. He said he felt better knowing I was home behind a bolted door no the 7th floor or our apartment building. I found something to do most of the time. I cleaned, cooked, watched TV, slept, wrote things, read things, slept again. I got bored so I'd go out. Let me tell you, Downtown Traverse is way safer then Uptown. The malls were always full of people, I had plenty to look at and try out. Clothes, games, food. All sorts of things. And considering Riku always gave his tip money to me I had lots of cash to blow. Not that I did. 

Sigh.. I'd better get home before Riku does.

I wonder what would happen tonight. Like I said before, Riku didn't talk much about anything now. Mostly because he didn't do much but work. I wanted to talk about things though. Like our relationship. 

Okay... I felt guilty about this. But I was really starting to miss being intimate with him.

He didn't like touching or holding too much. I could understand. And at the same time I couldn't. All of his STD tests results came back negative. That was a weight off of my shoulders. Not that I was worried... ah heh... ahem yeah. But I just couldn't understand why he was so uncomfortable around me. I didn't try to do anything at all. I actually stayed away from him most of the time so he wouldn't feel trapped. I just didn't know what to do. 

I was 6:00p.m. by the time I walked into our apartment. It was dark inside so I know Cloud wasn't here. He hadn't been home for the past 3 nights. I was staring to get worried. I know his job is important, and that he's pulling extra shifts so he can provide for us, but I don't like him working so much. It makes me feel lazy. But I had picked up the job as housewife. I would make sure dinner was on the table when Riku and Cloud got home, and that things were clean and in order. 

*Ring, Ring, Ring*

I stopped in pulling off my jacket and answered the phone. 

"Hello?" I said and glanced at the caller ID. I was from 7th Heaven. So it was either Cloud or Riku.

"Hey.." It was Riku.

"Hi!" I chirped and continued taking off my coat. I hadn't heard Riku's voice since this morning. I was nice to hear it now. "What's up?" 

Riku was silent for a minute and I could hear voices in the background. He was still at the restaurant. 

"Did you make dinner yet?" he asked. I started shaking my head, like he was there to see it, and answered 'No.' Riku grunted. "Why?" I asked. Maybe he wanted something in particular for dinner.

"I wanted you to try 7th Heavens lobster tails... I got some... Is that okay?" Riku said softly. I smiled into the phone.

"Of course. I could go for some sea food. What do you want me to make something to go with it?" Oh, Lobster. That was some expensive dinner. I wonder what else Riku had in mind for our night. 

"No, you just relax. I'll be home in about in hour or 2..." I nodded to myself. I'd been hoping he'd get off of work early. But he always stayed until about 9:00 every night. 

Sigh... 

"Okay..." I paused. "Is Cloud there by any chance?" I had to know.

Riku was silent for a time. "Er.. yeah... he's busy in the kitchen though. Did you have something to tell him?" 

"Uh.. No. I was just wondering... Is he joining us for dinner?" I was untying my boots now. Riku seemed to switch ears to listen because everything sounded muffled for a moment. 

"No. He said he had plans tonight." Riku finally said. I blew a soft breath through my bangs. God.. Cloud could at least call. I was tired of staying up worrying about him. I just had some fear that Leon was going to come after him looking for us. I hadn't happened yet... but still.

"Sora." I jumped slightly. I 'd forgotten I was on the phone. "Yeah?"

"I have to go now. I just got a new table. See you in a bit. Keep the doors locked." 

"Oh.. Okay... Love you." I said. Riku paused and went silent.

"I love you too." He finally breathed. I could jus see him smiling like a love struck fool on the other end of the phone. I blew a kiss through the receiver, Riku returned it, and hung up. 

So... I wonder what's on TV...

-------------

(Riku's POV)

Damn... I so did not want another table tonight. I'm ready to go home. I stood from the booth I'd perched myself in and headed for the kitchen. Yuffie had told me it was one person at my table so I didn't go to look. She'd given me an odd expression when she'd told me though. Oh boy... maybe my customer was a jackass. Whoever they were. I got a glass of water, an appetizer plate and some napkins and went to greet my him/her/them. 

It was a distance from the kitchen to my section. It gave me time to think. And considering the restaurant was nearly empty it was nice and quiet. But I really didn't want to think. I just wanted to erase my mind of anything and everything... except what I had to say to greet my table. That's what mattered now. The present, here and now. Not what happened yesterday, or a month ago...

Damn...

I tremble just slightly... Here and now, here and now.... I lifted my head to say hello and my voice caught in my throat. I just remember I stumbled and nearly dropped everything in my hands when I saw the man sitting at the table.

Oh..my God... Literally.

"Uh... Hi. I'm Riku...." I paused and swallowed hard. The man was watching me so closely. "...I'll be your server tonight... Is there anything I can get you while you decide what you want tonight?" I tried to keep my voice steady. This man... I'd never seen anyone that looked like him walk into 7th Heaven. **Ever. **He was either a model or an angel... or both. He looked rich, dignified, and polite... er suave. Yeah that's the word. He was sitting staring down at his menu when I walked over. He turned, his... I **thought** it was gray... shiny white silver hair rested over his shoulder like a water fall of stars along the milky way. His eyes were.... well they were the same color as mine. Only sharper and more intense. They seemed to glow. When he smiled I felt like jell-o for some odd reason. And when he spoke...

His voice made me tingle all over. It was weird but really nice.

"Hmmm." He breathed and his eyes ran over the menu again. "I'll have a bottle of your White Zinfandel, chilled." He looked at me again and I slowly wrote that down. Good lord... he'd just spent 60 dollars... Oh yeah.. he's rich.

"Ah.... can I see your ID please?" Please don't give me hell over this mister. The mystery man reached into his trench coat, it was sitting next to him, I noticed how shiny the leather was and I knew instantly that it was real. He pulled out his wallet and showed me his ID. He took a good picture. I stared at the signature and date of birth. I was counting up from my birthday to his. He's... 26.

SEPH-I-ROTH... Was his name. I didn't say it out loud. I'd probably say it wrong anyway. Oh... his name was... like melted butter.

"Okay Sir.."

"Sephiroth." He corrected me. I blinked. His voice was so.... hypnotic. 

"Okay... Sephiroth. I'll be back with your drink in a moment. Was that all?" I wanted him to order something else before I left. Just so I could hear his smooth as silk voice again. Just so I could feel like whip cream from my toes to my finger tips for another moment. 

"The sautéed Portobello mushrooms in raspberry vinegar please." I wrote that down and smiled as well as I could. "Okay, I'll be right back." I said and turned to walk away. We had.. Porto..bello mushrooms here? He made our food sound so classy. Ch.. his bill had already reached 80 bucks. I wonder what he was going to eat for dinner. 

"Riku you are so lucky." I heard Yuffie coo as I entered the kitchen. All of the women were swarming to the door way of the kitchen to look at **Sephiroth**. I like that name a lot. I didn't blame them really. I mean, there was an absolutely gorgeous man sitting out in our restaurant, who wouldn't stare. But women can be so... girly sometimes. 

"Yeah, yeah...." I said and handed the order of **Portobello** Mushrooms to the cook. He eyed the order for a moment and lifted a brow. Yeah.. that was some expensive shit he had to cook. 

"What did he say to you?" Yuffie asked and grinned at me. I shook my head. 

"He asked for my phone number." I chuckled at Yuffie's wide eyed expression.  
"Yuffie.. What do you think he said?" The girl squealed and I rolled my eyes. 

"That guy is... HOT. What did he order?" She asked. 

I turned from the cook to look at the girl. I couldn't help but frown. "Why do you care?" I asked and leaned against the counter. Yuffie grinned. "Oh come on man. Look at that guy. He's like.. the most gorgeous human being to walk through those doors. **Ever**. And you of all people get him."

My frown increased. "What's that supposed to mean?" I felt insulted for some reason. Yuffie scoffed. "Don't act like you don't know**. **Riku, you always get the best customers. Hot guys especially. And I think this one is rich."

I smiled beside myself. "He is... he ordered a freaking bottle of Zinfadel... a bottle Yuffie. That's 60 dollars worth of alcohol." Yuffie gaped at me. 

"Well, you're under aged. You can't take it to him." She was basically saying she would do it. "Like hell. He doesn't know I'm a minor." I turned away from the girl. She pouted and asked.

"What's his name?" I glanced at her and started saying the mans name over and over in my head before I whispered.

"Sephiroth."

I let the words roll off my tongue. His name sounded very... Latin to me. All of the women turned to me with wide star struck eyes. One of them looked like they'd faint any second. 

"He's a God." One of the other female servers swooned. I scoffed and went to leave the kitchen to get the bottle of wine. The bartender prepared everything and sent me on my way. When I came back to Sephiroth's table he was busy looking through a novel I hadn't noticed before. He closed it and turned to watch me while I sat his wine glass and bottle down. 

"Your mushrooms will be done in a minute." My voice shook and I have no idea why. I also felt like I'd just drop everything I was holding at any minute because I was quivering so bad. Was it good this man was having this affect on me. Sephiroth laughed huskily and I felt my cheeks go warm. 

"Thank you." He cooed. I nodded timidly. I think I'm blushing now. 

"So... are you ready to order?" I whipped out my pen and pad to take his order down. If I could just get some kind of control back... I'm just serving him dinner. It's completely innocent. I'm not flirting with him.

But I think he's flirting with me. 

"Hmmmm." He breathed again. The way he did that was very airy and elegant and made me want to hear it again over and over. I think he knew it too because he did it again and looked at me. 

"I have never eaten here before. What do you recommend, Riku?" 

I froze. The way he said my name... it was like... the most beautiful way I'd ever heard anyone say it. It sounded like a forbidden spell from his lips, that I noted looked so soft and supple. Sephiroth took a sip of his wine and waited for my response. 

"Well.. what do you have a taste for?" I asked absently. The man studied my face and ran his tongue over his lips. I think if I hadn't been leaning against the table I would have fainted. 

"Meat." Sephiroth said and closed his eyes. "Fresh, rare meat. Maybe some sea food..." His voice went soft and he smiled at me. I had completely lost all ability to think and I just stared at him. 

"Well." He breathed. I jumped slightly. 

"...You can get... our 5 .oz lobster tails with a sirloin if you want..." That was another 30 bucks. Sephiroth seemed to like that suggestion. 

"Sounds good. I will have that then."

"How do you want your steak?" I asked ready to write. I'd gotten my bearings back at least a little bit.. A very **little** bit.

"Medium Rare."

Gag... that's not even cooked. That's nasty.. raw meat. Hey but that's okay. It's his steak... 

"And your lobster?"

"Broiled. With lemon butter." He said. 

I jotted that down. 

"Potato?" 

Control was coming back now. He was just having dinner. There was no chemistry between us. He was a stranger and he was here to do nothing more then feed himself.

Yeah....

"Baked, everything on the side." He licked his lips again. 

Oh my god... My pen was shaking in my hand again. You know... I can't tell if I'm nervous or afraid now...

Why would I be afraid?

"Salad?" I breathed. He paused and frowned slightly. I froze, thinking I'd done something wrong.

"I don't think I'm going to be able to eat all of this by myself." He turned to me. "If you're getting off soon maybe you'd join me for dinner." 

I dropped my pen with a sharp intake of air. Had I heard him right. Me. Riku. Join him. A God. For dinner? Was he for real? I bent down quickly to grab my pen and felt around blindly on the floor. Where the hell had it gone? 

"Here." Sephiroth said. I looked up quickly and noted how close his face was to mine. My heart fluttered unnaturally again. I had butterflies in my stomach and my face felt really hot. 

"Excuse me?" I stuttered and took a step back. I hadn't heard him right. That was all. 

"I said. If you'd like. Would you join me for dinner?" Sephiroths eyes were looking me up and down. I think... As he asked again. I felt like a deer in head lights and I couldn't seem to form a single word in my mind to say back. This just couldn't be happening..

"Well.. you're my last table. I won't get anymore tonight.. so..." 

What the hell am I doing? Have dinner with him? I couldn't.... I shouldn't...

I looked back at the man and put my pen in my shirt pocket. 

"I have a boyfriend." I finally said and mentally kicked myself for not mentioning it earlier. Most people would stop trying to come on to me once they knew I was taken. But this man wasn't most people. 

"So." he said. 

I took an involuntary step back at that. I hadn't really thought this guy was gay. He doesn't look it... Well neither do I but still. I guess the dinner thing should have given him away though. But grown men do things like this all of the time. He probably has kids and a wife waiting at home for him. And here he is flirting with me. 

"I'm a minor." Yeah... that would make him leave me alone. Although... I didn't really want him too. He was really nice. But it was freaking me out. He was almost 30... It wouldn't work. And I was with Sora.

Sephiroth gave me an odd look. I couldn't tell if he was mad or not. Maybe slightly agitated. I'm sure someone like him didn't expend their energies trying to pick people like me up all of the time. 

"Riku. I never said I wanted to take you home. I just want you to sit with me for a while." 

I stared hard at the man. He sounded sincere enough. But I had learned my lesson a long time ago from dealing with grown men. 

"I'm meeting someone here." He said. A bell rung in my head. Meeting someone. So he wasn't interested in me? I felt better and sad all at the same time. I was sad from finding out this walking wet dream wasn't here for me. And I felt better knowing that I didn't have to feel guilty for slightly flirting with him, and actually considering having dinner with him. 

I was tempted to ask just who the hell was he meeting here and how and where did they met him. That they were lucky a son-of-a-witch too.

"Well.." I started rather shakily. "That just changes everything." I ran a hand through my hair and laughed to myself. Sora would have just... killed me if he was here now. 

"I can't. I have a boyfriend like I said." I turned to Sephiroth. He was smiling slightly, like he was musing over something.

"I really would join you. I mean, the offer is extremely tempting. But...It just wouldn't be right." I turned back to my not so secret admirer. He was laughing softly to himself. 

"Maybe next time then, Riku. Whoever has you as their boyfriend is very lucky. I'm sad I missed out. You seem like a very intriguing person." Sephiroth took a sip of his wine and then said. "But perhaps, I can get to know you during this short time of you being my waiter." 

I smiled and nodded. I'd tell him anything he wanted to know. I just felt like I could talk to him without being ridiculed. Sure I felt just slightly uncomfortable that he was a total stranger... but he wasn't so much anymore. I knew his name, his age.... that he was waiting for someone. OKAY.. so he is still a stranger. But it's not like I'll ever see him again. 

"Let me go and put your order through." I said after a time. Sephiroth nodded and made my way. I was again bombarded with questions by all of the ladies in the kitchen. I didn't answer them and just rung up steak and lobster dinner. I didn't go back up front to chat though. It wasn't right for me to get familiar with this man. What if his illusive companion suddenly showed up and he and I were in a deep conversation about the meaning of life or something. I know I would get pissed if I walked in on Sora like that. And once again. He is too old.... for me. 

"Are you okay Riku? You look.. a little pale." I didn't turn to acknowledge the voice. I knew who it was. 

"I'm... just tired Aeris." 

I thought she'd gone home already. Sighing I glanced at her. I think she was one of the few women I could put up with without Sora being around. Aeris was a genuinely nice person. She had a very motherly persona, that often times made me feel inclined to spill my heart out to her. There were a lot of things I really needed to talk about out loud. But I just didn't have the nerve too. Not to Sora.. Not to her... not even to myself. So I kept them buried. 

"Want to talk about it?" Aeris asked. What.. could she read minds or something? I shook my head stiffly and went to check the status of my table's appetizers. The mushrooms came up and I ran them out. I didn't take the time to talk to Sephiroth though. He was on his cell phone anyway. I noticed his companion hadn't shown up though. On my way back I saw Cloud watching my table from the bar quite curiously. His gaze was so steady that he wasn't even blinking. That picked my interest a bit but I wasn't going to dwell on it. Cloud could stare at whoever he wants. 

Aeris was still watching me when I came back into the kitchen. She had this look on her face that said "Please talk to me." It annoyed and frightened me at the same time. How the hell could she tell something was wrong? 

"Riku.. can I see you in my office for a moment." It was an order. As gently and sweetly as she could say it. I groaned. I had to go. She was my boss after all. I made my way over to her slowly and walked into her little office. She closed the door and took a seat at her desk. 

"Something's wrong." She stated. Basically saying for me to spill. I raised an eyebrow at her. 

"Okay.... And?"

Aeris sighed and motioned for me to sit. I shook my head, refusing to.

"Look.. I thank you for your concern. But I'm fine. Everything is fine. And even is things weren't.. I really don't feel like talking right now. And I have a table I must attend to." I turned to leave, just grabbing the door knob.

"I.... there's something I have to tell you." 

I froze but didn't turn around. I think my stomach fell to my knees at that moment. I never liked how those words sounded. When people said them it was always bad. Always.

"I.. know... about...."

My breath hitched. What did she know? She didn't know anything. How could she? Who'd told her?

"About Sora..."

I think I almost broke the doorknob because I tugged really hard without meaning too.

"What... what are you talking about?" I was going to play dumb. I like I was clueless. I didn't like where this was headed one bit. And... something was telling me she'd been wanting to say this for a long time. A long time before I knew about it.

My blood was starting to boil. 

"I wasn't going to tell you. He made me promise not to." Aeris was standing now and hugging herself. "I can't take it anymore though. You have to know... since it doesn't seem like he'll tell you."

My mouth was suddenly very dry. So it was true. Sora had told her before he'd told me.

How could he...

"Riku.. Leon raped Sora." Aeris said. And I heard her voice crack with raw emotion. I turned slightly. Shocked from her having known first.. not from hearing the news. Aeris was sobbing quietly into her hands.

"He..." I started but my voice caught in my throat. I as going to ask her why he'd told her first and not me. I think Aeris thought I was going to ask why hadn't he just told me at all.

"He begged me not to tell you. I'm so sorry. I know I should have...sooner... but.."

"But you **didn't**." I hissed and turned on her. I was furious now. All of this time this sugar sweet fake.. BITCH looked me in the face laughing and giggling and asking me about Sora. All of this time she'd known something that had almost destroyed us. 

"How long have you known?" I asked bitterly. Aeris wiped her face and looked sadly up at me. I wasn't buying any of this sentimental bullshit. Not a bit. Anything I'd ever thought good about her had completely disintegrated into thin air. 

"About.. a year now... I wanted to tell you.. but.."

****

"But Sora begged you **not **too! Well guess what **AERIS**! I don't give a flying fuck what he begged you not to do!" I was pissed and I wasn't hiding it anymore. 

"Riku...." She breathed wide eyed. I think this was the first time the women had every seen me mad. She was going to get holy Hell too. I wasn't going to hold back. 

"Do you know what we've gone through. This could have all easily been avoided if you had just come out and said something. What were you? **AFRAID?!** Afraid that Leon would hurt you! What about what he could have done to Sora again?" 

I took a breath.

"You're a fucking **adult. **It's not like Sora was asking you not to tell on him because he'd **stolen **something. He was **raped**. And you claim that you care about him... like he's your son. So you'd keep something like that a secret if it had been your child? You as the grown up should have stepped in and reported that shit to the police.. You're a **fake**-hypocritical-smiling-little-**bitch**! And Sora trusts you with his life... and you let him suffer..!"

Another breath.

"But because he begged...." I stopped there and snatched the door open. I just couldn't believe her lame ass excuse. "Don't you ever **talk** to him, **look** at him, don't even **say** his name.. AGAIN!" I hissed. I was looming over her. I wanted to smack the living shit out of her so badly. She reminded me of my mother at that instant. She did it for his benefit**_. Bullshit! _**I slammed my fists down on her desk and watched her jump in fear. She was terrified of me at that moment. I didn't care either. 

"I swear to you. If you so much as **think** about Sora I'll fucking strangle you. **YOU** don't deserve to be his friend." I meant that too. 

And with that I left the room. I don't know what Aeris did after that. Everyone had heard me yelling. I know they had. They were staring at me with wide worried eyes. 

"Yuffie. Can you finish waiting my table for me? Something came up and I have to run." I snarled. Yuffie nodded cautiously. I didn't say thank you and grabbed my coat and the lobster I'd ordered for Sora and me. I had to get out of here. 

I wasn't coming back either.

****

Good, Bad, Review please.

****

Author's Notes:

Riku is so mean. Can you blame him though. Yay! Sephiroth is here. Hahaha, now all of shit is about to start. Riku is very very angry with Sora. I haven't decided what he will do to Sora. It's not nice though. This is the first time you'll see Riku act violently towards Sora. It's... going to be intense. This is why Riku starts to contemplate suicide. Because of what he does to Sora. You'll see. 


	11. Chapter 11

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

To all of my reviewers. YOU GUYS ROCK! Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments. I was inspired to type all day just to get out chapter 11. You guys are just so great! Thank again a hundred times over. Sorry if there are typos. I don't have a beta... and I want to post it now! :) 

Chapter 11

(Sora' POV)

Where is he?

I ran a shaking hand through my sweaty hair. I was so worried I was making myself sick. It was almost 11:30pm. Riku should have been home 2 hours ago. He hadn't called... or anything. He always called if he was going to work late. Always. I was going crazy with worry. So many what **IF's** were running through my mind. I was close to calling the police saying Riku was missing. But he wasn't missing. He was just late. And hadn't called. And something could have happened and I didn't know... 

I'm to young to have a heart attack...

But I feel like I'm going to have one right now...

Cloud hadn't called either. 

I felt like I was going to die. 

Have you ever just sat and sat by the phone waiting for a person to call. And they don't and you feel like the world is coming to an end because you don't know what's wrong, if something is even wrong at all? What if Leon had found him? What if Leon had hurt him again? What if Leon had... killed...

I suddenly had to throw up and made my way to the trash can. I was that worried. I downed a very warm glass of water and braced myself against the counter top. I was over reacting. Riku can take care of himself. I would keep repeating that until my brain realized it was the gospel truth. Until I stopped worrying. I slumped to the floor again under the phone and waited again. It was going on 11:55. 

God.. where was he? Where was Riku? 

****

*SLAM!*

I leapt up so quickly I hit my head on the bottom of the phone base. I croaked out in pain as I made my way to the living room. I know I'd heard the front door open and shut. It had to have been Riku. Cloud wasn't coming home tonight from what I was told.

"Riku." I said softly. He was taking off his jacket in the dark. I took a long sigh of relief seeing him home and safe. The sick feeling of dread instantly disappeared. I licked my parched lips and started to walk over to him. He looked passed me when he turned around and went to the kitchen. I followed him questioningly. 

"...Why didn't you call?" I threw my hands up and ran them through my hair. I couldn't help but take a shuddery breath. "Do you know I was worried sick about you? Do you know you're 2 hours late....?" I said. I was a little miffed too. I just wanted to grab him and shake him really hard for putting me through that just now. And... why was he giving me the cold shoulder?

Riku looked at me. His expression was icy. I was taken aback for a moment at that. He as angry about something. Why was he taking it out on me though? He slammed the bags he had in his hand on the kitchen table without breaking is gaze and I was suddenly very afraid of him. He was emitting this really vicious rage filled aura that made me take an involuntary step back. I wanted to ask what was wrong but my mouth was sealed shut. 

I couldn't figure out what was wrong... that had made him bring his anger home with him. I instantly thought it was something I had done. I didn't know what that was though.

"Riku.... what's..." 

He held up his hand and pointed at me. It felt like a cotton ball got stuck in my throat. 

"All of this time...Why her?" Riku gritted out. I was clueless as to what he was talking about. I gave him a questioning look and his eyes seemed to light up with more barely suppressed rage. I held up my hands in a truce like manner so I wouldn't further agitate him. 

"Why did you tell her before me?" He hissed again. 

I gaped. Tell her what? Who was her...? I racked my brain over and over again for a clue. I came to a dead end until I glanced at the bags on the table. The 7th Heaven logo from the restaurant caught my eye. I don't what brought me to this conclusion. But my heart sank once I'd realized what Riku was talking about... 

Oh my god..

"Aeris! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!" Riku was glaring ice shards at me I guess he noticed I'd figured it out. I started to say something but couldn't form the words.

"She told me tonight. She'd known all along." Riku had turned away from me and was gripping the sink so hard I could hear it cracking. I squeaked and he glanced quickly at me. He was frowning so hard that he looked like some enraged demon. 

"It happening again Sora. You keep.. hiding things from me." He snarled and turned fully around. He still had on his work uniform but it was... ripped open at the buttons for some reason. 

"I keep getting some strange stabbing suspicion that you don't trust me enough to tell me anything." Riku was balling his fists tightly. I could see his knuckles turning white. Where was all of this coming from? So he'd found out that Aeris knew first... And? Why was this making him so mad?

"I do trust you. Why.. do you even think something like that...?" 

"I was the **last **one to **know** Sora. You told **miss innocent **before me! Even though I'm the one you fall asleep with every night. Even though I'm the one who's devoted their every waking breath to you. You waited until **_I_** was hurt to tell me anything. I had to **_beg _**you to tell me!" 

I felt guilt hit me hard in the chest. But that still didn't explain why he was so angry.

"Riku.. listen to me. I told Aeris long before you... You were still trapped in Kingdom Hearts when I told her. I... couldn't build up the nerve to tell you before now... and I'm sorry for..."

"**Shut up!" **Riku yelled. My mouth snapped shut instantly. Riku was walking up to me in slow stiff steps. I was on the other side of the table so he had to walk around it. I had the desire to run really fast. I was truly afraid of Riku at that moment. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"I'm so TIRED of that fucking lame excuse! You were trapped in Kingdom Hearts Riku, It was before we were together Riku! I was afraid to tell you Riku! DAMN the excuses! Why can't you, just for once, come at me honestly?!"

Riku had stopped walking and was breathing raggedly through his mouth. He'd put his hands on the table to seemingly brace himself. He'd lowered his head and I couldn't see his face anymore. I think he'd overworked himself in his fury because he was making pained groans now.

"...I was truthful with you... I... didn't have anyone else to talk to... you weren't here... Aeris had managed to force it out of me... I had to tell someone. I trusted her. She's my friend..." I was trying to explain things calmly and rationally. I didn't want to make Riku any angrier then he already was. I wanted this to end on a slightly good note. 

"That word.." Riku's head snapped up and he pinned me under his glare. "That... fake bitch is not your friend! If I hear you say that word and her name in the same sentence ever again I'll.." Riku stood up and rubbed at his chest. I was dreading what was running through his head. Was he threatening me now? 

"What Riku? Are you.. going to hurt her? Maybe.. hurt me. You can't control who I talk to or hang with." I was not going to let him be my master. I had every right to talk to whom ever I pleased. Riku seemed to think other wise. He gave me this wild look that said he really would hurt Aeris if I pushed him to do it. I just couldn't believe this was happening. 

"Sora... Are you... deaf? You just don't seem to realize just what the fuck I'm saying. Aeris, your **friend,..**" Riku's teeth gritted quite loudly when he said that. "...kept you being **raped** a **secret** and you defend her." 

Riku cracked his knuckles and looked away from me.

"You may have **trusted** her to keep your secret, but how can you possibly call her a friend... after she let you suffer like that. She could have... told you to come live with her. at least. To get you away form that abuse. But No. Oh, she must have thought she was doing you a **favor** by letting you stay with an alcoholic-child molesting-2 dollar whore!"

Riku was yelling again. For the first time since this argument started I was starting to understand why he was so angry. He wasn't mad because Aeris had known about my rape first. He was mad because she'd waited so long to tell anyone about it. And I was starting to wonder just why she'd hid it. Not just because I asked her too...

Aeris was scared too...

"She was.. frightened Riku... I put her in danger just telling her. Leon said he'd hurt her... or anyone I told...That he'd kill **me**. I was... I don't know... okay..." 

"So what?!" Riku slammed his left hand on the table and scared the shit out of me. He wasn't calming down. 

"Stop defending her! Just **stop** it!" Riku made a gesture with his hand that told me to go silent. I did and took a shuddery breath. He was biting his inner jaw again and flexing his fingers. I knew if he wanted to he could easily start breaking things around us. He wanted to grab something...

"Everyone tells you **I'm** a threat to you Sora. Because of what happened back then. They blame **me** behind my back for **_every_** bad thing that's ever happened to you. You think I don't notice?! But when you go and tell your trusted best friend, whose almost like a mother to you, that Leon raped you several times... She hides it!" 

I bit my lip... Oh god... he was right.

"Everybody listens to Leon. **Mister-Ice-cold-bastard-Zeus-King-of-the-Gods**! His word, or lack of there of, is **LAW**! No one would ever question him!" 

Riku covered his face and went quiet for a moment. I wanted to get away from him. I was scared and worried beyond belief right now. I told you Riku could get really violent. And at that moment, I was afraid he'd hurt me. I really was. I hadn't seen him so furious since he was possessed by Ansem. But his was his rage this time. 

"...I... think about gutting myself on a rusty knife every time I think about how I couldn't be there to protect you. That you were all alone in that god forsaken place... That it was my fault it happened..." I took a sharp breath a his overly detailed hint of self mutilation. Riku uncovered his face and looked at me. He wasn't glaring anymore, just staring at me with sad shiny eyes.

"I thought that no one knew what you had gone through. And then I find out I was wrong. Aeris wasn't there to protect you. She doesn't even protect you **now**!"

"Riku stop!" I finally yelled. I was tired of this. He'd made his point. I didn't know what he was yelling about anymore. I couldn't tell if he was angry with me or with Aeris or with himself. Maybe all three. 

"I made a mistake... I'm sorry. So please... can we just drop it..." I said softly. I had to end this now or it would go on all night. I felt like this was steming from more the Riku just finding out about Aeris knowing of my rape. Riku and I hadn't talked about the subject in a month. It was quietly eating us alive. I thought things were getting better. I guess Aeris triggered something....

"Stay away from Aeris, Sora." 

My head snapped up. He'd said that in a threatening tone out load this time and I was suddenly very angry. 

"Don't threaten my friends Riku. You're pushing it." I turned to walk away, to our room. Riku was being crazy now. He was and he knew it. He wasn't going to control me or scare me away from my friends. I'd tried to ignore it the first time he'd said it. But now that he'd made it abundantly clear that he was serious I had to cut this out now. 

I didn't think to look behind me, I didn't think he was following me. I didn't even hear him behind me. I just know he'd grabbed my hand roughly and shoved me into the wall. I hit my shoulder blades really hard. All I could do was stare at him with wide unbelieving eyes. He had his hand wrapped tightly around my throat and he was watching me. He wasn't snarling or glaring. His face was completely calm. 

I was terrified.

"Don't. Fuck with me. Sora." He said calmly. He was talking to me like I was a 5 year old and that I'd done something bad. He leaned into me and rested his lips on my cheek. I whimpered and tried to push against him. Riku was... incredibly strong.

"Stay away form Aeris. Or I'll **give **everyone a **reason** not to trust me." He pulled back and looked at me. His eyes were searching my face for some kind of reply. I didn't know what to say. I understood everything he had said. But it had been my choice to tell Aeris to remain silent. I knew the risks involved. I knew that I'd be on my own with Leon. I hadn't even really wanted to tell her. It wasn't her fault those things had happened. 

"Do you understand?" He breathed and he sounded out of breath. I didn't shake my head or say anything. I wasn't going to. He wasn't going to hurt Aeris. 

"Sora." He whispered. And I felt his grip tighten on my throat. I panicked. 

"..Riku... you're hurting me..."

Riku snarled and pulled me from the wall. I couldn't catch my feet and almost fell but he still had a death grip on my throat. He pushed me backwards into our room and let me go with a shove.

"I'm hurting you! SO DID AERIS! SO DID LEON! I'm the only one who'll protect you! Not them, Not Cloud, **just **me!"

I backed away from him. He walked up to me, about arms length away and simmered in silence. 

"But I..."

I was going to say something cruel. Something that would break him forever. Something he had said but I'd denied. 

I didn't want to say it.

"But you what Sora...?" Riku challenged me then. I squared my shoulders. I would regret this. But I was just so mad at him right now. He wanted to know. He was always viciously honest with me... so I would be with him. 

"I **didn't **trust you!"

Riku blinked.

"I didn't trust you to **understand**. After everything I'd done. I told you Riku. I'd wanted Leon. I was lonely and desperate. I'd wanted him to **fuck** the living daylights out of me. Until I could **forget** about you... Kairi, about all of my sorrow. I'd **asked** for it. I even liked it sometimes! I was a **whore**! I **never** said **no**. I **never** told him to **stop. **I **went** to him each night asking for more. He didn't rape me! It's not rape if you **want it**. I gave into him! I knew that if I told you that.... you just wouldn't be able take it! That you'd push me away! That you'd feel betrayed! It was all for you Riku. I wanted to protect your heart because I knew you had feelings for me. But I was wrong. I know that now! And I regret ever thinking so badly of you... I just..." 

I paused. I was tired of arguing. 

Fuck it.

" And why are you so angry? So Aeris knew. Okay! I'm **sorry** a million times for not telling you first! But... but... **You know now! Why the fuck does it matter if I told her first!**"

Riku smacked the **shit** out of me.

I didn't see his had coming. I didn't notice him jerk to take the swing. I just know the back of his hand hit me dead in jaw and I fell onto the bed. I was so stunned that I didn't feel any pain at first. Then my cheek started to sting and then burn. I took a pain breath and felt tears in my eyes. I clenched my fists and grinded my teeth. 

I couldn't believe he'd just hit me. I didn't know what he was doing because I had my head down. 

"Sora..." I heard Riku gasp in a high pitched squeak. His voice quivered badly. 

I snuck a glance at him through my bangs. He was covering his mouth with his hand. And an absolutely horrified expression was on his face. He looked shocked at me and at himself. 

I was truly hurt that he'd hit me. I started tasting blood in my mouth and spit onto the floor. The red liquid sprayed the carpet. 

He'd hit me really hard. 

....I'd deserved that....

"I'm sorry..." Riku gasped and took a step back. I groaned and shook my head. 

"..No... it's okay... You had the right... after what I just said..."

I shifted on the bed and covered my cheek. The tears ran down my cheeks in warm waves. I don't know if I was crying from the pain or from having hurt Riku. He sobbed through his words and I looked up. Tears were streaming down his face. He was staring at me like he'd just tried to kill me. 

"I'm so sorry.... it's not okay... it's not... I'm so sorry... About everything...." 

I shook my head again and stood. I wobbled for a moment and saw stars. Somehow I managed to walk over to Riku and embrace him. He was holding his head in hands and shaking it like a mad man. 

"I hit you.... I hit you.. Sora..." He looked at me and cradled my face. 

"I didn't mean to! I'm so so so sorry. Please forgive me...!" Riku fell onto the bed and sobbed into the blanket. I didn't know what to say to him at first. He gripped the comforter and dragged it off the bed as he suddenly tried to flee.

"Wait... come back..." I called and grabbed his shirt. He tried to fight me and tug away. I almost tripped over the blanket. 

"No.. I have to go.. If I hurt you again... I don't care about all of the things you said... I don't... I just... want to be with you no matter what... and..." 

I pulled Riku back into the room and tried to calm him down. He was stronger then me so he was still managing to slip away. 

"I'm... no better then him... I'm just like Leon..." Riku croaked and tried to pull away from me again. 

"It's okay Riku! I'm fine." I forced him to turn and look at me. "See, I'm okay... It's okay." I pulled him into a hug and slumped to the floor. 

This had been a long time coming. Everything had just.. grown up inside of him and turned into this ball of depression, blame, and guilt. And then I told him I hadn't trusted him. I felt awful for saying it. Even though it had been true at first. I had been terrified of what Riku would think of me if I told him I'd been... falling foolishly in love with Leon. It was misplaced.. I realize that now. But I was so wrong for not giving Riku the benefit of the doubt...

And he'd ended up suffering for it. 

"I never meant to hurt you..." Riku sobbed into my shirt. He was holding me so tight I knew my skin was bruising. I just rocked him back and forth to try and calm him. 

"This is all my fault... somehow I'm always hurting you.." I made Riku look up at me. He wouldn't meet my gaze.

"I'm okay..." I was. Really. The pain was barely there anymore. Riku shook his head some more. 

"Nonononononono... it's not... I don't deserve you... or anything... I'm so screwed up in the head.... I just hurt the only person who's ever cared about me... I'm.. so... stupid. You were right not to trust me... How can you lo...mmmpphh..."

I silenced him then. He stared into my eyes with a glazed over expression of sadness and utter surprise. But he melted into me. I wasn't mad at him. It was over. I didn't care anymore. It was all behind us. 

I ran my fingers through Riku's hair and deepened our kiss. It had felt like ages since we'd kissed. I'd missed his lips, his taste, his skin oh so much. This was a better time then any to show how much I really loved him. I would prove it to him. 

"Riku." I whispered and, without breaking our kiss, started to remove his shirt. He seemed to stunned to do anything at first but slowly he stared to touch my face and let his hands run down my chest. I almost ripped his work shirt trying to get it off of his shoulders. I'm glad it just unbuttoned in the front. His white tank top was ripped over his head as I momentarily broke our kiss to remove it. My shirt slid free of my shoulders from a simple zipper coming down. 

"Sora..." Riku gasped. But I didn't give him time as I once again pressed my lips to his. Almost desperately. I got to my knees and struggled free of my pants in an almost violent fashion. I'd never wanted to get out of clothes so badly. My heart was pounding and Riku was lovingly running his finger tips up and over my shoulders, back, chest, and abdomen.

"Don't you ever.." I moaned into Riku's hot sweet mouth while pulling him over me. 

"...Question my love for you." I kicked out of my boxers and viciously started unbuckling Riku's belts and kicking off his pants. He was trapped in a frenzy of desire as well and he buried his face into my neck, kissing, licking, and sucking at that delicate skin. I'd lain down on the comforter Riku had dragged to the floor in his angst and wrapped my legs around his waist. I wanted him so badly at that moment. I'd never ever felt so much emotion in my life as I did now. I needed him desperately. I ran my fingers through his hair and made him look at me. I could tell that he needed me just as much if not more. 

"You're mine..." I breathed huskily and helped him position himself to enter me. I melted into another kiss, this time tasting his mouth with my tongue and he battled against it with his own. When he pressed into me I moaned into his mouth in pain and pleasure. We hadn't really taken time to prepare. But it felt so good.

It'd been a long time. 

"Riku.." 

He looked into my eyes and started to move. He didn't ask if I was okay, if it hurt, or did I want him to stop. 

"Don't stop.... don't" I groaned and threw my head back when he pushed in a little rougher. It felt so good and hurt so bad. 

"Don't... stop..." I hissed again. 

"Harder.." I demanded. 

Riku groaned.

"I love you." I whispered the words to accentuate each thrust.

"Riku..." I gasped and ran my hands over his powerful back. I could feel his muscles rippling with each strong but absolutely wonderful motion of his body. He wasn't holding back. I wanted him to just let all of his emotions run free. I didn't care about the pain. What he was doing to me made every nerve, vein, and tendon shake in pleasure.

"...Yes..." 

"Sora..." Riku was looking down at me with half lidded glazed over eyes. His breaths were soft and quick against face and he looked completely lost in me. I smiled and grabbed his backside to push him in further. 

"I'm yours." I said huskily. Riku's paced quickened. "Yours." I said again. 

"..yessss..." I hissed as he hit that one particular stop. 

"Riku.."

"....Sora..." He moaned. 

"I'm yours. Always.." I said. I was staring into Riku's eyes and he was staring back. I felt him go stiff and rigid from his shoulders to his abdomen. He let out a soft but deep primal moan inside the depths of his throat and I leaned up to kiss him again then. Heat tickled my insides when Riku reached his peak. Something warm and wet was pattering against my face and I opened my eyes to see tears streaming down my lovers face. A warm powerful and protective wave washed over me and I inhaled sharply. I couldn't seem to moan and my mouth just opened slightly when I came. 

Stars ran around my vision for a long time. I'd had the most powerful orgasm I'd ever experienced in my entire sex life. I felt like I'd jumped into ice cold water only to be encased in a hot bubble. I couldn't even describe to myself how good that had felt. Riku was panting into my ear and kissing my shoulder and neck. I just kept running my fingers through his sweat slicked hair, trying to catch my breath. 

I was his again.

And he was mine.

"I love you." I barely breathed to him. I turned my head slightly so I could look at him. He had lain down next to me and balled up against my side. He looked at me for a few long moments. He looked surprised. Like he couldn't figure out what had just happened. 

This had been better then our first time. 

To think we'd been arguing a few minutes ago. 

"Don't ever doubt that. **Ever**. No matter what." I insisted. Riku seemed content with that because he smiled slightly and ran his hand up my bare hip. 

"I love you too." He said softly. It had felt like an eternity since I'd heard him say those 4 simple words. The impact of them was heart wrenching and I felt my eyes fill with joyful tears. Riku kissed them away and snuggled up to me. I didn't have anything else to say. What was left to utter. We'd made up and reconciled our love. It was just the sex. It was the moment, the impact of it all. How our hidden feelings were like brick walls holding us apart. I had to break down those walls at all costs. 

Leon was not going to win. 

I fell asleep completely content that night. I just knew when the morning came that everything would be okay again. I'd forget about everything but our intimate moment. Riku would be better again. 

Things were okay.

----------------

(Riku's POV)

----------------

I don't know what time it was. I didn't care. I managed to untangle myself from Sora's grip around me and walk naked to the bathroom. I couldn't help thinking what happened had been a dream. 

All just a... terrible sick dream. 

I'd hit Sora and then we'd had sex.

Something about that just wasn't right to me. It made me gag. Even though he'd been the one to initiate the love making I hadn't tried at all to stop him. I'm not going to lie and say I hadn't wanted it and that I hadn't enjoyed it. It had been incredible. But it just hadn't been the time. 

It hadn't been the right time at all. 

I know Sora had been terrified. I'd hit him and I wasn't calming down. He'd used his body, and my one known weakness, to sedate me. 

And I hated it. 

I was wrong...

For everything I'd done.

I can't believe I'd hurt him. It just completely drove me crazy that he would forgive me for something like that. Nothing I ever say or do can apologize enough for what I'd done. 

Nothing...

I stared hatefully at my reflection in the vanity mirror. I looked pale and tired and my chest hurt. I thought after a month that my ribs would have healed. That didn't seem to be the case. 

Well.. I thought after a month I'd be over Leon raping me... and Sora. That was far from the truth too. The rape hunted my dreams at night. I could see his face in the dark, even behind my eyelids. He was looming over me calling me horrible things and telling me how worthless I was. That no one in their right mind could ever love me. 

No one....

I was just like him...

I can't believe I hit Sora...

I needed some pain killers. My whole body hurt. My head was pounding too. I didn't see any in the cabinet. I guess I'd taken them all already. I was tired so I sat down on the toilet so I could think. I felt sweaty and kind of dirty. Not from the sex... I just felt dirty because of what I'd done. 

My life couldn't get much worse.

I'd just physically abused my boyfriend, and then I'd slept with him...

It was wrong. I should have made him stop. 

I wonder if those things he'd said... I wonder if he'd meant them. I know he was mad... But... I don't blame him if he did. I mean... I couldn't even handle learning that Aeris had known of Sora's rape this whole time. It had enraged me so much. I... really wasn't serious when I'd said I'd strangle her. 

But I did want to shake the living shit out of her.

How could she hide something like that...? I just don't understand it. Not at all. 

Something pattered against my leg and I looked down. It was clear and I realized I was silently crying. So that's why my head had been hurting. 

I was so sad about hurting Sora. How can I live with myself. Every time I look at him now... I'm going to see that shocked totally hurt expression on his face from when I'd hit him. 

I took his pride and his dignity...

And he hadn't asked me to stop.

Fuck...

I stood, scrubbing angrily at my eyes and feeling around for a wash cloth. I had to take a shower. I don't see how Sora had sex with me and I'd smelled like old dish water and raw ground beef.

My vision was blurry so I absently felt around the sink. My finger tips struck something really sharp and I snatched them away quickly. I had to blink several times to finally clear my vision. There was blood pooling on my fingers. I stared at the red fluid in shock for a moment. There was so much of it. What had cut me...?

I saw the small silvery piece of metal sticking out from just behind the faucet. I couldn't figure out how it'd had gotten there. Had I used it for something..? Had Sora...? I picked the razor blade up and turned it in my bloody fingers. The light from over the sink bounced off of it in pretty patterns and I had sat back down. I marveled at how easily and quickly the blade had cut through my fingers. I'd really barely felt it. 

I thought back to a time when I'd first started realizing I was gay. How my mother looked at me like I was rotting trash. How she threw every pussy at me she could find in an attempt to prove I was just confused. She tried to even beat it into me that I wasn't gay. She even had tried to take Sora away from me. We'd moved. I remember I was so pissed at her. I'd told her I'd hated her and that I'd suffocate her in her sleep and go back to live with Sora. 

I found one then... in the attic.. in my dads old tool box. An Exacto Knife. I'd been playing with it out of boredom. Hacking gashes and lines into the wooden floor. I knew my mother could hear me doing it at that it annoyed the shit out of her. It had been an accident. My hand had been to close to were I was cutting. I slashed quickly and cut a 3 inch gash into the back of my hand. 

That had hurt. I stared at it for the longest time. Watching my blood pool to the floor. I really didn't know what to do to stop it at first. I was about wrap my hand in my shirt when my mom called me downstairs. She said I had company and I heard a little girl giggle. Like hell I was going down there. 

I would rather die.

Rather.. die.

She'd find me hours later. 

I wondered if she'd bury me... or just leave me there to rot. 

I didn't care. 

I ran the razor over my inner arm. From my wrist to my elbow. I pressed as hard as I could stand and watched my skin pierce under the sharp blades tip. 

It had felt good. 

Really good. 

And I sat there and waited. She kept calling and calling. When I didn't come she finally came up to the attic to get me. 

I think that was the first time I ever saw my mother cry...

She told me in the hospital that she didn't want me to die. Why had I done this? What had caused it? What could she do to make me stop? 

I told her.

A week later we moved back to Destiny Islands.

My mother wasn't here this time. I had what I'd wanted. Sora. He was mine. He'd said so himself. 

But I'd fucked up. 

I'd fucked up badly. 

I braced my wrist on my knee and flexed my fingers. That one vein along my wrist pulsed with each movement. If I did it quick it wouldn't hurt. I had to do it deep enough to sever it though. I bit my lip and placed the blade against my skin. It was bitterly cold and I flinched away from it. 

Just one quick stroke...

Quick...

I made the stroke... it had hurt.

I winced and watched as my blood started to flow freely from my wrist and down my a knee, to my leg, and then to the floor. It was like watching a bunch of tiny red snakes maker there way down my skin. And I stared in awe. 

Now I had to do the other wrist.

I couldn't seem to grip the blade in my left hand though. It felt awkward. And my fingers were a bit numb. I looked back at my right hand and realized I'd cut too low and missed the vein. I had cut myself pretty badly though. 

Sora groaned from inside the room and I felt suddenly panicked. 

Oh my god....

What had I just been thinking. 

I had everything to lose...

Sora...

I couldn't let him find me like that. 

Dead.

I couldn't.

It would hurt him too much. 

I can't believe I'd almost gone through with it...

I flipped on the faucet and let ice cold water run over my wound. The water turned pink instantly and I watched it swirl down the drain. 

Stupid!

Stupid! 

Stupid...

I'd almost done it....

I was so scared right now I could barely think straight. 

I'd really just slit one of my wrists...

Oh my God....

Sora....

I managed to stop the bleeding on my wrist and clean up the blood on the floor. I jumped into the shower to clean off my guilt and went back to the room. I'd wrapped and bound my mangled arm in gauze and wound wrapping from the first aid kit in the bathroom. I'd have to hide this from Sora... Somehow. 

He would notice it...

He always could tell when I was hiding something.

How could I explain myself to him...?

I pulled on a t-shirt and boxers and picked Sora up to put him in the bed. He was sleeping so soundly. Like and angel. I let him stay in the blanket, because it was wet from.... our bodily fluids.... and I didn't want them me again. He'd take a shower when he got up. 

I tried to stay away from him while I tired to go to sleep. He was hell bent on snuggling against me though. He kept managing to touch my freshly wounded wrist. I would never ever do that again. I really was stupid. I was taking the easy way out of things. I would endure any pain for Sora now. 

After what I'd done... Death would be to nice for me...

Leon **wasn't** going to win. 

****

Good, Bad? Review please.

Authors notes: 

Awww, the joy's of lemons. I couldn't wait to put it in anymore. Riku and Sora needed that. But this little romp on the carpet will hurt them more then it helps them. Did you think Riku was wrong for what he did to Sora? Hmm, I'm interested in what everyone thinks. I actually had much worse in store for Sora. But I decided to use that as the next plot twist. Irony is a evil bitch I tell you. Hahahahaha! Riku is seriously ill. I mean, mentally ill and unstable. I think when he grabbed Sora's throat that told you something was wrong. **Very** wrong. Sora finds out Riku tried to kill himself, and Riku actually tries to do it again. Sephiroth makes another appearance in the most unlikely place and Riku starts to have strange feelings towards him. Oh, betrayal. Sora is hurt again, physically. Riku does the unthinkable. (I wonder how many of you can guess what that is?) Meanwhile, Leon is looking for Sora and Riku. He pays Aeris a little visit. 


	12. Chapter 12

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft  
  
Welcome to all of my newest readers. Just to let you all know, my reviewers, I wouldn't have continued this story without your constant support. It's a hard subject to talk about let alone write about. I'm glad Innocence Corrupted is making it's way across FanFiction.net. I'm glad you guys keep coming back for more of the drama and are continuously pleased with each chapter. And you guys just have to be the coolest people to put up with my constant typos. By the way, this is the first and probably not the last time, another characters, other then Sora's and Riku's, point of view will be present in the story.   
  
Shameless plug. I'm trying to promote my site. I'm selling prints and doing commissions. I need money for college. If you want a favorite video game/anime/original character drawn you can go here www.destiny-makers.net/buy.html. Or if you just want to look at pictures of Riku and Sora you can visit www.destiny-makers.net for my SquareSoft fanart collection. Spread the word. :)  
  
Anyway onto the story.   
  
Chapter 12  
  
I tried to pretend I was sleeping when Sora finally awoke that morning. In truth I was just resting with my eyes closed. I hadn't been asleep the entire night. The dull and aching sensation in my wrist wouldn't let me. And my mind was racing too much to allow my brain to shut down for awhile. When I felt Sora stirring I went rigid. I was afraid for some reason. The events from last night still fresh in my mind.   
  
I'd hit him and then we'd had sex.  
  
Doesn't that sound wrong to you?  
  
I'm glad I didn't sleep. I know I would've had nightmares.  
  
Sora was awakening really slowly. I guess he'd exhausted himself last night. Sex had that kind of affect. I was still kind of tingly myself.   
  
That could be from extensive blood loss too.   
  
The sun was peeking up behind me from the slightly drawn blinds. Sora had finally sat up and was moving around. He seemed stiff too. I know why. I hadn't exactly been gentle with him. I frowned at that. I'd been so lost in ecstasy that I hadn't thought to slow down or be gentle. And it really hadn't help that Sora was airily panting "harder" and "yes" in my ear.   
  
Sigh.   
  
Sora stopped moving. Dear god I hope he's not watching me. I think I sighed too loud.   
  
"Riku." He whispered. I didn't move or stir even the slightest bit. I didn't want him to see me yet.   
  
"...Still sleeping..." He breathed. I know he was talking to himself. But he'd said it out loud.  
  
Finally, after what felt like a few hours, Sora ambled out of bed. He was still groggy. I could tell because he couldn't untangle himself from the blanket. When he winced I almost turned around to check on him. He was is pain.   
  
Damn... I had been to rough.  
  
We'd used no lubricant either...  
  
I'm such a shit... how could I do that to him.  
  
He was heading towards the bathroom. I didn't bother pretending to sleep anymore. He had his back to me. He'd dropped the blanket all together and was limping into the bathroom. I wanted to kick myself. If I could I really would. Really hard.  
  
I'd hurt him...  
  
I heard the shower start up and decided to sit up. My muscles protested loudly and painfully when I did. My lower back was killing me, I'm sure you know why, and I felt kind of dizzy. I had lost more blood then I'd thought. I'd be fine in a few days if I took it easy. I finally glanced at the clock and noted it was 6:30 in morning. I was up to damn early for no reason. I didn't have to work today, or at all anymore cause I wasn't going back to 7th Heaven. Not as long as Aeris was there. I was serious about that part.   
  
Okay... if I needed the money I'd go back... unless Aeris decided to fire me...  
  
Oh well..  
  
I wanted to go into the bathroom and check on Sora. I was also mentally making a blue print of the bathroom, insuring myself I'd cleaned up all the blood. If Sora saw it he'd freak out. If he saw my wrist he'd die. Speaking of my wrist. My bandage was soaked red.   
  
......  
  
I had to go into the bathroom to change it.   
  
I gritted my teeth and made my way there. Sora took long showers. He probably wouldn't even notice me. Unless he was in protective mode. Then he'd hear me before I came in.  
  
"Riku."   
  
Protective mode was in full throttle.   
  
I clenched my jaw and answered.  
  
"Yeah..." My voice sounded really hoarse. Probably from all of that yelling from last night.  
  
"Morning hun." Sora chirped. He sounded really tired. I smiled beside myself. He was trying to hard to make things be normal and comfortable. But his mood was scaring me more then consoling me. Why was he trying so hard to make last night seem like it hadn't happened? I wanted to talk about it... really badly.   
  
"Riku?" Sora said again and peeked out of the shower. I was lingering in the door way, with my bandaged arm outside of his view. He smiled that big toothy grin of his when he saw me but didn't say anything.  
  
"It's early." I finally said after listening to the water run for awhile. It was starting to lull me to sleep. I realized how tired I'd really been and yawned. Then rubbed at my eyes.  
  
"So why are you up?" Sora teased. I was in no way a morning person. Sora was laughing to himself about that too.  
  
"I'm gonna go back to bed." I said but I didnt' leave the bathroom. Instead I tip toed over to the sink and found the first aid kit. I unraveled the soiled bandage around my wrist and hastily, but neatly, wrapped a fresh clean one around it. Sora was oblivious to the whole thing. Good. I'm glad Cloud had opted for navy tented shower curtains instead of clear ones.   
  
I'd made it out of the bathroom in a clean sweep. Sora was just getting out of the shower as I was climbing back into bed. I could barely keep my eyes open now. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was dozing off. Sora came into the room bolting himself dry with a big white towel. He looked so... innocent with his hair all wet and hanging in his face. I smiled again at the picture. Sora was innocent.   
  
"Good shower?" I mumbled drowsily. I blinked really hard to try and make myself stay awake long enough to hear Sora's reply.   
  
"Yeah." He breathed and went to look for pajamas. I could hear the drawers and shifting of clothing for a moment before Sora sat down on the bed. He cringed just slightly and I heard him do it.  
  
"You're sore aren't you...?" I said. I didn't want to make it sound so obvious. Sora would deny it up and down anyway. He glanced at me and I saw how red his cheek was for the first time that morning. I think I chocked on a gasp from that. I was awake now.  
  
"..I'm fine. It's not like we haven't been.... rough during sex before. It's okay." Sora said. I shook my head in disbelief. He sounded like me. When I'd always say I was fine and I really wasn't.   
  
"....we shouldn't have..." I started and Sora turned on me. He was searching my face for an explanation. I hadn't even finished my sentence yet.   
  
"What?" He whispered. I could hear the dread in his voice and I inwardly winced. I really didn't want to cause Sora anymore pain. Physically or mentally. He was looking at me with an odd expression. Like I was acting strangely or something. I was trying to be serious but gentle with him about all of this.   
  
".... The sex. We shouldn't have done that last night. It wasn't the right time."   
  
Sora took a shaky breath and turned away from me to put on his pajama bottoms. He didn't say anything for a few moments and I sighed in frustration. I hadn't it when our talks went like this. Sora either didn't want to talk about it or didn't know what to say. I think it was both this time.   
  
"It was a mistake."   
  
I should not have said it like that. Sora froze.  
  
"I mean..." I sat up and ran my hands through my hair. I'd put myself waist deep in shit by saying that just now. I had to think of a way to fix that right now.  
  
"That's not... what I meant. What I mean is.... after what... after the argument it just didn't... seem right.. You know..." I hoped he understood what I was trying to say.  
  
"... But...." Sora started. I scratched my head out of nervousness and lack of anything better to do while I waited for him to answer.   
  
"But.. I had to show that things were okay... that they would be okay. I don't.. care about what happened before we made love...." He turned to me. There were tears in his eyes. "Okay, Riku. Can we just... forget about what happened before that? Only remember the good part." He was pleading with me.  
  
The good part. Sora had been terrified of me last night. He'd had sex with out of fear. Out of desperation.   
  
That was... like rape...  
  
"....I want to talk about this Sora. About everything."   
  
Sora's head slumped forward and he went silent. I bit my lip because I was at a loss. I didn't really know how to continue this conversation. How do you start talking about something like this.   
  
Hitting your boyfriend.... and then... pretty much raping him...  
  
"You didn't force me Riku." Sora said and finally turned back around. I eyed him in surprise. He'd read my thoughts. He climbed up onto the bed and sat next to me. I could smell soap and water all over him and it made my senses flair. I wanted to grab Sora and hug him so tight he'd pop.  
  
God.. I loved him so much.   
  
This was tearing me up inside.   
  
"I know that's what you're thinking. Yes... it's true you were being a bit... demanding last night. But I initiated it. I did it to show I loved you. I wasn't scared." Sora took my face into his hands and looked me in the eyes.   
  
"Don't even think it. YOU are NOT like HIM!" He leaned in to kiss me then and I kissed back. He didn't know how good it made me feel to hear him say that. God bless Sora and his mind reading abilities.   
  
"..What about me hitting you? I had no reason to do that...." I frowned sadly at him. His eyes were forgiving me in a way so loudly he couldn't have said it better in words.   
  
"I'm sorry." I said again and cradled his cheek in my hand. He shook his head and kissed me again.   
  
"It's okay. Everything is okay." Again he kissed me. I ran my finger tip over his bottom lip and smiled.   
  
Maybe... maybe things were okay...  
  
"Riku..." Sora was eyeing me wildly. His brows had knitted into a harsh frown. I blinked several times out of confusion.   
  
"What is this...?" He said and pulled my hand away from his face. I felt my lungs constrict painfully.   
  
Oh... Fuck...  
  
-----------  
  
(Sora)  
  
-----------  
  
Riku was finally looking like he'd understood that I wasn't mad at him. About anything.   
  
Things were fine. I was willing and determined to make that sink in. I'd force it into my persona if I had to. I'd really just chocked last night off as a bad dream. It was over. It's lingering affects had almost if not completely faded away with the new morning sun. I was going to let it go.   
  
Riku was cradling my cheek, the slightly tender one, with his left hand. I smiled into his eyes which were bright with love and understanding. I was about to kiss him again for the 4th time in a row when I noticed a bandage around his arm. It hadn't been there the night before and I was curious about it. I figured it was just something I'd over looked. A wound from a month ago that wasn't quite healed completely. I thought this... until I saw fresh blood seeping in the white of the bandage.   
  
"What is this...?" I hissed beside myself and yanked away from Riku's caress. I saw panic and confusion cross his face in a split second. I've never seen anyone look so guilty in my entire life. He didn't answer but he tried to roughly pry his hand away from me.  
  
"What happened to your arm Riku?" I demanded him to tell me. In the back of my mind though.. I already knew what it was.   
  
Riku seemed to realize that too.  
  
"Why..?!" I finally cried and grabbed his shoulders. He looked wide eyed at me but his mouth remained shut. I took at harsh shuddery breath.   
  
"What have you done?!" I shook him again and this time gripped his face.  
  
Things were... they were almost okay. We were so close.  
  
"Riku.. answer me!" I sobbed into his shirt. He ran his right hand through my hair before he answered.  
  
"...It.. won't happen again." He said hauntingly. I looked up at him and sniffled.   
  
"How many times have you tried this...?"   
  
Riku closed his eyes and I braced my heart for a his reply. I thought he was going to say 6 or 7 times. Maybe more.  
  
"Once... just last night.." The way he said it made me know it was the truth.  
  
"Why... are things that bad...?"  
  
Riku gave me a frown.   
  
"...Yes and no... I panicked... I was just so fucking mad at myself for last night.... I... It won't happen again okay."   
  
"I don't believe you." I said stiffly. I didn't believe him.   
  
Riku's eyes snapped down to me. He looked slightly stunned for a moment.   
  
"I deserved that... I swear.. I won't try it again..." He gave me a reassuring smile. But in only further disturbed me.   
  
"There are other ways then slitting your wrists to kill yourself, Riku."   
  
I wasn't trying to give him ideas. I was just letting him know if he tried anything else I'd hate him. Forever.  
  
"I panicked.... I chickened out anyway... I couldn't do it." He said and went to lye back down. I frowned and climbed on top of him.   
  
"...Are you okay?" I asked. I was so worried. What if he'd cut deep enough? He could still be in danger of bleeding to death.   
  
"I missed the vein." He stated simply. "You're worrying to much about this." He closed his eyes to go to sleep then.  
  
"I'm tired of worrying." I hissed. Riku opened his eyes. "I'm always the one who has to deal with you when you're hurt. I'm always the one crying and being sad. I'm tired of that. And then you act like.. it's not big deal... making me cry is no big deal to you?"   
  
Riku didn't seem to have an answer for that.  
  
"What if I'd been the one to try and kill myself?" I asked. Riku's mouth gaped open.  
  
"How would that make you feel. Knowing that I'd tried to end my life... because I was so sad over something I'd done to you?"  
  
Riku blinked.  
  
"You'd probably just think I was weak... and that I'd given up... Well that's what I think of you. I thought you were stronger then this Riku!"  
  
I echoed Riku's words to me. The same words he'd uttered during my final battle wiht Ansem. I watched as his face twisted into a guilty frown and he almost threw me off of him. I scrambled to catch up with him as he fled from the room  
  
"Riku....wait!" I called and almost chased him down the hallway. I caught up to him when he skidded to a halt in the living room doorway. Whatever destination he'd been headed to had seemed to flee from his mind. I ran up behind him and grabbed his shoulders. He didn't turn to look at me though.   
  
"Riku?" I questioned. He was staring hard into the dining room area. You could see it from the living room. I craned my neck to see what he was looking so shocked at. My eyes bulged too.  
  
Hey... I.... I know that guy...  
  
----------  
  
(Riku)  
  
----------  
  
Things were going down hill fast. And I couldn't catch up. I'd screwed up and revealed my attempt at suicide without having meant to. As was expected Sora went on his mother's rant. He was pissed and sad and confused. And at the same time he was understanding. He may have been yelling but his eyes had been telling me.  
  
There has to be another way. We can deal with this. Just don't give up yet.  
  
I felt so bad. So guilty. It was true... I had chickened out... I really sat and thought about... Was I really ready to die? NO... fuck no actually. Like I said... I'd tried to take the easy way out. And Sora had called me on it. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't think of anything else to do but run away from those pleading eyes of his. He was boring into my soul... I was as open as a window. I couldn't stop him for getting into my head.   
  
Why did he always have to be right.  
  
And I'd made it to the living room door way. I was so mad at myself I'd almost run into the wall. When I stopped to turn and get my bearings straight I happened to look up. There in the living room was.. well a stranger. But at the same time... He wasn't.   
  
Sephiroth was sitting at our dining table.   
  
"What are you doing here?!" I demanded. I don't know why I as getting flustered. The sight of the man had stopped me in my tracks. Um.. I hadn't expected to ever see him again. Not at the restaurant and certainly not in my own home. The man smiled and my face went feverishly hot. I turned slightly to hide my look of surprise.   
  
Why.. did he have this affect on me...?  
  
"Good morning to you too." He cooed. I noticed he was wearing clothes instead of pajamas. He looked like he was on his way to work on something. His hair was tied back instead of hanging loose though. And I found myself wishing he'd let if free to flow all over his painstakingly obvious powerful broad shoulders. I turned to Sora for some kind of focus. If he saw me getting a hot and heavy over this man... How would I explain myself.?  
  
"I know you." Sora said and cocked his head to the side. I blinked several times as his voice registered and I snapped out of my little daydream.   
  
Weren't... we just arguing or something...?  
  
Sephiroth turned in his seat and leaned on the table. He was studying Sora like he was sizing him up for a duel. I raised an eyebrow at that and at Sora's comment.   
  
Where did he know Sephiroth from?  
  
"So you are the boyfriend." He said softly and let his eyes run over Sora's petite frame. Sora gaped just slightly and turned to look at me. I shrugged.   
  
"You... don't look so fierce in your pajamas." Sephiroth said after a moment. Sora's cheeks were bursting with a pinkish tint. I mad a face.   
  
"Just where and when did you meet Sora?" I asked and put my hand on my hip. My wrist protested in my left hand and I quickly lowered it. Sephiroth looked at the ceiling before he answered.  
  
"Olympus Coliseum."   
  
I went blank. I had no clue what they were talking about. What's... Olympus Coliseum? Another world maybe?  
  
Sora smiled for some reason. "That's right. You were the challenger.. in the Platinum Match." His smile turned to a grin. "I won."   
  
Sephiroth smirked at Sora then his lips went into a slow smile. A true smile that lacked any malice or predatory intentions. Sora seemed to have some... slight past history with this man. Which bothered me and consoled me. So... Sora had fought him it seemed at the Coliseum and won.  
  
That's my baby. :)  
  
I smiled to myself. Sora took a few steps forward and leaned onto the counter just at the kitchen entrance. He didn't seem to want to go in any further. Sephiroth turned to look at him with a calculating gaze.   
  
"What are you doing here though?" Sora asked sweetly but his voice held a slightly cautious note. That was expected. Sora had fought this guy after all. I walked up behind my baby and put my hands on his shoulders to let him know I had his back if anything came up. Sephiroth chuckled to himself and winked at us. I don't know what that meant.   
  
"It seems... My visit wasn't mentioned ahead of time."  
  
His visit. So that means that Cloud knows he's here. Maybe... he's a room mate. There was an extra bedroom down the hall from Sora's and mine. At the thought of his name Cloud suddenly came into the kitchen. He was wearing a black tank top and a pair of grey sweat pants. His skin was slightly moist looking and his hair was, for once, not sticking straight up. He must have just gotten out of the shower.  
  
  
  
"Oh... wow.. Hi.." He said timidly. I blinked at his tone of voice. He looked like he'd been caught doing something naughty.   
  
"What are the two of you doing up so early?" He asked surprised and went to the fridge. He pulled out a bottle of water and started to drink it. I thought he was trying to avoid the not so inconspicuous stranger sitting right at the dining table.  
  
Sephiroth tapped his nails on the table and gave Cloud at scolding look.   
  
"You... didn't tell them." He said. It wasn't a question. Cloud lowered his water and looked at Sephiroth. It didn't take me long to figure out what was going on.   
  
2 and 2 were starting to come together.   
  
"Cloud... you were meeting Cloud at 7th Heaven last night." Cloud turned to look at me with a slight smile and a nod.   
  
"Yeah... I had to... keep it under raps until I was ready to tell you about us."  
  
Sora and I gaped.   
  
"About... You two... are... together?" Sora squeaked. I wanted to laugh. No fucken way... Cloud was a lucky bastard.   
  
"...Ah.. heh.. Yeah." He said and took a big gulp of his water. Why was he acting so ashamed. He was a grown up. He could do what he wants.   
  
"How long?" Sora asked... a bit rudely actually and put a hand on his hip. Cloud took another longer gulp of his water. Sephiroth was shaking his head smiling slightly.  
  
"A month." The older man said. I made a sound in my throat as a reply. I couldn't think of what to say. Sora on the other hand was full of questions.  
  
"He's your light?"   
  
I went blank again. I didn't know what they were talking about anymore. Cloud seemed to know exactly what Sora meant and he went to stand next to Sephiroth. He rested his hands on the mans shoulders and looked down at him with the most lovingly adoring expression I'd ever seen.   
  
"Yes." Cloud said. I rolled my eyes. No one had answered my question yet.   
  
"So.. why is he here?" I asked again. Cloud smiled up at me.   
  
"I brought him here to meet you guys. I was just... planning on doing it a little later today though. I hadn't been expecting you guys to be up so early."   
  
Cloud leaned down and gave Sephiroth a kiss on the cheek and I felt jealous for some reason. Sephiroth ran his hand up Clouds bare arm before he said.   
  
"I should get going. I have to be at the office by eight." He stood and pushed in his chair. Sora took a step back and bumped into me for some reason. He looked at me with a worried glance. I mouthed the word 'what?' down at him. He didn't say anything but he kept glancing between me and Sephiroth.  
  
What the hell was up with him doing that?  
  
"Later then?" Cloud said softly. He looked into Sephiroth's eyes as the man felt around in his pocket and then pulled out his cell phone. Oh yeah.. Sephiroth was really tall. At least 6 feet. Cloud had to stand on his toes to kiss him on the lips.   
  
"Later." Sephiroth purred and ran his finger tips across Clouds cheeks before he walked to the front door. I think all three of us were completely transfixed on his back side. He pulled on his long leather black trench coat and gloves then pulled his ponytail from inside his coat collar. Cloud made a musing sort of sound in his throat and the question of had Sephiroth and Cloud slept together yet crossed my mind. Well.. if Cloud hadn't fucked Sephiroth yet... something was really wrong. With both of them... Kidding.. I'm kidding.  
  
Sephiroth gave us all a slight smile as he opened the door.  
  
"Ciao." He breathed and left.   
  
The door closed with a soft click and the room went silent. I was itching to ask Cloud a truck load of questions. But something kept me from asking them. It wasn't my business nor my right to pry into his personal business. I'm just glad he wasn't chasing after Leon anymore.  
  
"He seems very nice. I like him." Sora said softly as he took a seat at the dining table. Cloud smiled at Sora's approval of his new lover. I shrugged. Why would my opinion matter.   
  
"What.. do you think of him Riku?" Cloud asked me. I frowned and bit my lip. What to say. Well Cloud. He's an absolute joy to look at. You couldn't have found a better guy in all the galaxy. You're a lucky son of a witch. Hmmm  
  
"He seems cool." That was good enough. Cloud smiled slightly.   
  
"You know.. he told me he talked to you a bit last night." When Cloud said last night he put emphasis on the word. He was hinting at something else. Of course I knew what that was. I'm not about to talk about it.   
  
"Yeah... so." I shrugged and turned to leave the kitchen. I wasn't going to give Cloud a chance to ask anything else. Sora seemed confused at my rude exit but he didn't seem to want to get involved.   
  
"I'll start breakfast. Toast and eggs okay?" I heard him ask Cloud. I was just lingering in the hallway, not going back to our room. Cloud took a moment to respond.   
  
"That's fine... Thanks." I know he was still watching the hallway .   
  
"I'm going to go finish dressing." He said and started to make his way to the hall. Time for me to go.   
  
"Riku."   
  
Damn!  
  
I paused in mid-step to turned to look at Cloud. He was eyeing me warily from the hallway entrance. I could hear water running in the kitchen so I knew Sora wouldn't over hear.   
  
"About last night." He started.  
  
I sighed. Fine... better to get this over with.  
  
"What about it?" I groaned and leaned against the wall. I felt suddenly tired.... well... I'd been tired before this had all started. I wanted nothing more then to sleep now. Cloud walked up a little closer to me and leaned against the opposite wall. He had this big brotherly expression his face that was basically asking me to tell him what happened. I didn't say anything. Cloud had been the one to start this anyway. I gave this expression that said "Well?" in a slightly annoyed manner.  
  
Cloud sighed and pursed his lips before he said.  
  
"Aeris told me. About what Leon did to you and Sora."   
  
AERIS DID WHAT!?  
  
I kept my cool but my eyes went to the floor. Oh my god... he knew. I frowned in slight anger. Oh, now Aeris wanted to tell someone our little story.  
  
"Why didn't you guys just tell me."  
  
Why did people always ask that question? They made it sound like it was something that you could just come out right and say with no reservations. We weren't talking about the weather or how nice someone's garden looked. We were telling them about us being raped.   
  
"Stupid question...." Cloud muttered to himself and ran his fingers through his hair. I suddenly felt bad for keeping it from him. But... I thought for some reason he'd go ballistic and try to go and murder Leon. I wanted him too. But I'd been scared for his life as well.   
  
"....It's not.. something you talk about." I finally said. Cloud gave me an understanding look but his expression soon turned to face that told me that was no excuse at all.  
  
"Riku. You told me you were gay. I think that's... kind of hard to talk about too you know."  
  
Cloud was right. But I hadn't told him I was gay. He'd walked in on Sora and me about to kiss. I couldn't lie about my sexual preference after that.  
  
"And did I ridicule you?"   
  
I closed my eyes. How could he? He was gay too.... But he was right. I got nothing but support and honesty from him when I came out. Having him be there when I told the others made it so much easier. Clouds always excepted my life style.   
  
"I was..." I ran a hand over my face. "I was afraid of what you'd do. And I was afraid of what Leon said he'd do if I told. I didn't want you getting involved..." I lowered my head slightly.  
  
Clouds hands were suddenly on my chin and he was gently tipping my head up so I could look at him. His smile was so sincere that I felt my heart lift slightly from it. God... people just... needed to be nice like him. More people did.  
  
"When I took you and Sora in, I wanted to get involved. The two of you are like brothers to me. If... you guys were ever hurt.. I don't know what I'd do. And now that I find out you have been hurt... Riku... I want to kill Leon.. you just don't understand how much it pained me to me to hear you and Sora's secret from Aeris."   
  
I frowned. My secret... I hadn't once told Aeris I'd been raped too.  
  
"She suspected. She told me that's why you were so mad. Because you'd been through it as well. She's very worried about you." Cloud let go of my face and backed away.  
  
"You're not fired by the way."   
  
I smiled... just slightly. Aeris was either too damn nice or she just really understood what was going on. At that moment my anger towards her disappeared and I was glad she had finally told. Now that someone I trusted knew about it, things would get better.   
  
Right?  
  
"Do you want to go the police?" Cloud asked me after a moment. He was motioning for me to follow him to his room. I did and lingered in the doorway while he continued to get dressed. You know... Cloud has really nice muscular arms.  
  
"...With what evidence." I sighed and shrugged. "I mean... sure.. I can say all I want that Leon raped Sora and me. But the police aren't going to do anything about it without any evidence pointing to him." So basically that idea was shot to hell. It had been for a long time.  
  
"Maybe not." Cloud said softly and pulled on a gray hooded sweater. It had white stripes going down the sleeves. I couldn't help but wonder if maybe Cloud was about to go running or something. I was curious as to how there could still be evidence of what Leon had done to me from over a month ago.   
  
"On your clothes... or the sheets maybe..." Cloud turned to look at me and I was suddenly aware of what he was talking about. Oh god... he was right. After I'd climbed into bed that night... I woke up and found blood... and other stuff all over the sheets. I remember I just snatched them off and threw them into the corner of the room. I was going to burn them... but I'd never gotten around to it. Would they really still be there... Not that I wanted to see them. But maybe...   
  
Oh no...  
  
I gave Cloud a frightened look and he tilted his head.   
  
"That means... we have to go back to that house..." I whispered. No way in Hell! I refuse! Absolutely Not! Nah ah! No way! NO! I wasn't going back.... he'd be there... I know he would be.  
  
"I know you're scared. But.... I can go alone if you want. Just tell me where the sheets are." Cloud was rubbing my shoulder in a soothing manner. I leaned into him and put my head on his shoulder. It felt nice to be loved. Cloud would really go back there. All alone to get that disturbing bit of evidence for me. All so he could help and make things better.   
  
I know now why Sora loves him so much.  
  
"...I don't know..." I looked at him. Wow... Cloud had pretty eyes. He was smiling at me. A reassuring smile saying he would make things okay. With all the power he had he would find a way.   
  
"If we do this... do you think they would catch him."   
  
Cloud nodded a gave me a determined face. "Even if they don't, I'll catch him myself. I won't let him hurt the two of you again. I wish I'd known sooner... god.. it eats me up knowing..." Cloud paused and suddenly pulled me into a hug. I was surprised for a moment at his sudden compassion and just stood there limply.   
  
"Don't be afraid okay. Leon won't take away your right to live happily. I won't let him. I'll help you and Sora get through this."   
  
I finally hugged him back. I think I'm starting to love Cloud to. He's like a guardian angel. He really is.  
  
"Thank you." I whispered and pulled back from him. "Thank you." And I smiled a real smile.   
  
Cloud grinned at me and rumpled my hair slightly. ..No one had ever done that to me before.  
  
"No problem."   
  
I let my arms drop from his sides and leaned against the door.   
  
"Tomorrow then?" I said. Cloud nodded.  
  
Tomorrow.  
  
----------  
  
(Aeris)  
  
----------  
  
I felt so bad for everything I'd done and kept secret. I was so wrong for not doing anything sooner. How could allow such terrible things to happen to such wonderful sweet boys. They didn't deserve that.. and it kills me to know I was apart of their suffering.   
  
I'm a horrible person. Riku was right. How could I call myself Sora's friend when I kept such a dark secret hidden. I should have gone to the police right away. I should have taken Sora in... But I didn't...  
  
I was scared... I really was. But I was willing to be scared and hurt for Sora. All had to do was ask... no wait... he shouldn't have had to ask. I should have forced him to come live with me. I should have when I'd had the chance.   
  
Riku had so much anger in his heart towards me now. I didn't blame him and I wasn't mad at him. I'd deserved that scolding. I just wish there was some way I could apologize to him now. Although.. I don't deserve forgiveness.  
  
I wonder if he'll come back to 7th Heaven...  
  
I finally told Cloud. I couldn't take it anymore. After what Riku had said and my own guilt. It was time someone else knew. Someone stronger. If I couldn't do anything about this, I knew that Cloud could. And that he would. Surprisingly he took the news quietly. He just listened to me. I was sobbing my eyes at. He held me and told me not to worry, that he would talk to Riku and Sora once he got the chance. I hope that chance was soon. I really wanted to help out now... in anyway. Even if I become Riku's main person to yell at. He needs to get all of the anger out... He really does.   
  
I'm glad Sora had told him...  
  
It was going on ten pm. I'd just finished locking up 7th Heaven. We'd been dead slow today. The night had seemed to drag on for hours and I was so glad to be going home. I wrapped my pale pink scarf around my neck and pulled on my gloves. The weather was ice tonight. We had some snow flurries to. I shuddered slightly and started to make my way down the street from the restaurant. There were few people out tonight. It was because it was so cold. The temp had dropped drastically since earlier today. I hugged myself and continued on. I had to make a stop and the convenience store on my way home to pick up some things.  
  
A little bell rang as when I pushed open the door to the little store. The bright fluorescent lights blinded me for a second. It was really dark and gray out tonight. I took a breath and picked up a little shopping basket when I made my way down the household items isle. I noticed the store was empty other than for me. The clerk smiled at me from behind his desk.  
  
"It's a little late to be shopping isn't it Miss Gainsborough?" He said. I smiled sweetly at him and shook my head.   
  
"Oh no, I just got off of work. Had to grab a few things." I eyed a few various brands of dish detergent before I moved onwards. I was standing in front of the aerosol scented air fresher section. I pulled out a piece a paper and skimmed it. Hmm... I was out of cat food. That's where I went next. I grabbed a small bag of Meow Mix and some canned 9 lives before I went on. Laundry detergent was next on my list. I absently noted the bell from the door ring again but didn't pay it any mind. Looks like I wasn't the only one shopping late.   
  
Next.... Oh what's this... Half off on all red stamped items. Hmmm....  
  
I saw the other customer that had entered the store out of the corner of my eye. They had their hood up and their head tilted slightly down so I couldn't see a face. They were in the medicine section... which is where I had to go next. I started to feel uneasy for some reason. Okay... just walk around them. I made my way over to the medicine isle. The hooded person was tapping various pain killer brand boxes with there gloved hands. When I walked behind them they paid me no mind. I skimmed the medicine. Lets see...   
  
The strange person knocked over a box of Tylenol. I smiled and reached down to get it as they did. My hand reached it first and I proceeded to pass the box to them.  
  
"Here you go." I said. The person wouldn't look at me as I handed them their dropped item. I didn't get a thank you either. I noted to scent of a mans cologne when the stranger brushed by me. So it was a man.   
  
"..um.. You're welcome.." I said. My feeling of uneasiness was stronger now. I glanced at my list and noted I just had a few more things to grab. I had the most important ones already though. I always wrote what I needed most importantly first on the list. It was time to pay for my things and go. I walked quickly up the cashiers desk and put my things on it so they could be rung up. The clerk was smiling at me again.   
  
"You're a brave Miss Gainsborough." He said. The clerk was a young man by the way. He always called me by my last name, even though I'd told him Aeris was fine. His attempt at a light conversation wasn't welcome but I really wanted to go.   
  
"Yes well, I have to be. This is my city just a much as it is anyone else's."   
  
The boy nodded and bagged my things. He turned to type in something on his computer before he said.   
  
"Your total is $12.50." I handed him and $20 dollar bill. He punched it in and was getting my change.   
  
"$12.50 of twenty..." The clerk said to himself and handed me my bills and 2 quarters.   
  
"$7.50 is your change." He tore off the receipt and put in one of my bags. "Have a nice evening...." He paused and licked his lips. "Um... Miss Gainsborough..?" He started I looked up at him while I was putting my money in my purse. He gave me a shy smile.  
  
"Are.. you sure you'll be okay walking home alone? I can call a cab if you want."   
  
I smiled again and picked up my bags. "Oh no, don't go out of your way. I'll be fine dear." I soothed and put my hand over his for a second to insure him of that. He blushed.  
  
"Well.. okay... Be careful." He called after me as I left. I didn't look back but gave a slight wave. Once I was outside again I looked anxiously around. The streets were getting darker. A few neon lights flickered here and there and it was snowing heavily now. I'm glad I'd worn boots. Squaring my shoulders I continued on my way home.   
  
It was only a few blocks away. I'd be fine.  
  
*shaky breath*  
  
I kept looking behind me on my trek home. My 6th sense was screaming for me to run. But I could barely walk straight in all of this snow. I was regretting not letting Tim, that's the store clerks name, call that cab. But I only had one more block to go. I put both of my bags in one hand so I could reach inside my purse for my keys. I stumbled in a step and nearly went down into the snow.  
  
"Darn it.." I groaned and felt around in my purse. My fingers were stiff from being cold. I'd only had on some thin gloves instead of my hand made mittens. It was hard to feel anything in my purse. I heard the jingle of my keys and wrapped them in my fist as I walked on. I just had to turn a corner and I'd be home. A gust of wind hit me hard in the face and I took a clumsy step back and shielded my eyes. My keys slipped from my fingers and plumped into the snow.   
  
This... was just not my night...  
  
I couldn't tell where they'd fallen. So I dug around in the frosty white fluff for a few moments. My coat sleeve had risen up so snow was getting on my bare skin and into my gloves. I just couldn't feel my fingers at all anymore. I sniffled and blinked against the cold wind.   
  
"Where.... are they.." I wanted to home so badly. I was about to give up and just make my way on home... I'd just have to break in... But I took a step and kicked my keys out the snow. I laughed beside myself and picked them up.  
  
Yes!  
  
I started to jog then and reached my doorstep with no further incidents. I managed to get the key into the hole to unlock the door even though my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I pushed into the kitchen and closed the door behind me and made sure to lock the dead bolt. The warmth from the house was so wonderful on my frost ridden face. I sighed and turned on the kitchen light.   
  
Ahh it was good to be home.  
  
I brushed snow off of my hood and shoulders before stomping snow and frost off of my boots and stepped out of them on the welcome mat. My feet were so numb that the floor felt strange under my socked feet. I sat my groceries on the counter top and started to remove my coat.   
  
"Mittens. *tsk tsk* Here kitty, kitty." My little white kitten came bounding around the corner, his bell collar jingling merrily.   
  
"There you are." I kneeled down and pulled the ball of fur into my arms. He felt so nice against my cold skin. He was so warm and soft. I kissed his forehead and he started to purr loudly.   
  
"I brought you something." I chirped and lifted Mittens into my arm to dig around in my bags. I found the canned cat food.. and noted it was really cold. Probably frozen. I bit my lip.   
  
"Well, lets fix that." I said to Mittens and put him on the counter to walk around. He kept trying to rub his head against me whenever I reached past him. I took a saucer and dumped the frozen chicken flavored food onto it. It was rock hard. Mittens started licking at it.   
  
"Ah ah. Hold on now. Let me warm it up." I tapped his nose and he meowed. I put the plate of cat food into the microwave for a few seconds and let it thaw. Mittens was watching the plate go round and round in the microwave. That made me laugh. I was putting on a pot of tea to warm myself up. When the microwave beeped I went and pulled out the saucer of cat food and mashed it up with a fork before sitting it on the floor. Mittens leapt from the counter top and went to scarf down his food.   
  
I was still freezing so I went to take a nice hot shower before I settled down to sip my tea and maybe curl up with a book. The tea kettle was whistling gently once I'd made my way back to the kitchen in my pajamas, my hair wrapped up in a towel. Mittens had curled up on his bed next to the stove. I put away all of the things I'd bought and poured myself a cup of green tea. It was about midnight when I glanced at the clock over the stove.   
  
It was late. Maybe I should just go to bed.  
  
Oh... I have to check my phone for messages. So I made my way with my tea in hand on a saucer the living room I sat down my warm drink and tapped the button on the phone to check my messages. The little electronic voice told me I had 4. I hit play so I could listen to them.   
  
"Hey Aeris, it's Yuffie. I was calling see if we were still on for our shopping spree tomorrow. If you get this message after 8 I won't be home so just hit me back on my machine okay. Luv ya!"  
  
I smiled at Yuffie's exuberant tone. I could just see her face as she spoke those words. I would call her in the morning. Next message.  
  
"Aeris this Cloud. I'm going to tell Riku and Sora tonight. I don't know what'll happen after that. I'll keep you posted. Later."   
  
I pursed my lips. Oh... I hope things go well. I'd call Cloud in the morning for an update too. Message number 3.  
  
"It's Cid. I'll be by on Thursday to put sealant on your windows. I told you to do this before it snowed girl. See you soon. Highwind out."   
  
I laughed softly. Cid was such a gruff sweet person. Oh... I forgot to pick the sealant glue up... another thing to do in the morning. Last message.  
  
I hit the play button and nothing came on. No voice, no background noises... Just silence. I frowned and was about to hit stop when a soft but deep voice came on.  
  
"So you know. Well, what are you going to do about it." I paused, trying to place the voice. It sounded slightly muffled. The message went on after a moment.   
  
"You shouldn't have walked home alone."   
  
Click.  
  
The message stopped and I felt my heart constrict in fear. Oh my heavens... I noted that the messages time was from barely half an hour ago. This man must have called while I was in the shower. I could only think... it had been the man from the store... but how did he have my number? Was he a customer at the restaurant? He'd have gotten it off of my business cared. Oh dear...  
  
*Ding dong*  
  
I whipped around so quickly I bumped the table next to me and knocked over my tea. It splashed to the carpet but the glass cup and saucer didn't break. I pulled the towel off of my head and started bolting my poor white carpets to save them from the tea stain. The door bell rang again and I tried to ignore it. Who was that at this time of night. My instinct told me not to open it....  
  
*Ding dong*  
  
Whoever it is knew I was home... I paused in my scrubbing and stared at the door.   
  
*Ding dong*  
  
I stood, the tea soiled towel still in my hand. My breath came out shuddery when the door bell rang again. "Just go away..." I breathed and looked around. I needed something... anything. I picked up my cordless phone and put my finger over the 911 speed dial button. Just in case...  
  
My hair hung damp and wavy at my waist as I went slowly to the door. I tried to peek out from the window but my porch light wasn't on. I pressed against the door and said softly.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
There was no answer for a moment.  
  
"You know."   
  
I looked upward and prayed silently. It was Leon. What did he want at this time of night? I didn't feel much better knowing it was him behind the door though. At least it was someone that I knew. I made sure the chain was locked before I pulled open the door just a hair. I peeked out and the bitter air hit me in the eye. I blinked before I asked.  
  
"Do you know what time it is?" Leon shrugged under his hood. His face looked cold and his cheeks were red.  
  
"Thought I'd drop by."   
  
I made a suspicious face. Something about all of this wasn't right. Leon wasn't the type to just drop by. He and I weren't even friends like that. I frowned at Leon and he stared coldly back at me.   
  
"Drop by... for what?"   
  
Leon blew a breath of frosty air. I noticed it was snowing heavily again. Leon looked really cold. Oh well...  
  
"To talk." He said stiffly. He was either getting annoyed or freezing. Probably both. I was getting chills from the cold air that was managing to slip in the crack from the door. Leon was staring to aggravate me.  
  
"Talk...? Leon w...w...what do y...y...you want.t.t.t.t....?" I chattered. I'd meant to ask it in a huffy tone. But I was so cold now that it came out meek and broken. Leon put his gloved hands in his pocket and shivered.  
  
"Have you seen Riku and Sora?"  
  
I blinked. His tone... sounded... concerned.   
  
"I haven't seen them for awhile... Any idea where they could be?" Leon's blue eyes held a hint of something dark when he'd asked that. I went on alert. Since when did he worry about other people? And after what he'd done to Sora and Riku... this was all very wrong.   
  
"No I don't. You should go home before you get sick." I said, trying to sound truthful and worried for his health. I didn't want him getting suspicious. I started to close the door.  
  
"Good night Leon." He was glaring at me. I ignored him and kept shutting the door. He put his hand up to stop me. I frowned harder.   
  
"It's late okay. Good night." I hissed.   
  
"Where are they?" Leon demanded softly. He now had his foot jammed into the small opening in the door. I pushed against it as to not allow him anymore room. I knew I was smashing his foot but he showed no signs of pain.   
  
"I said I don't know." I growled. I was about to hit the 911 button. Leon lowered his head slightly and smiled.  
  
"I cut your phone line."   
  
I gaped and hit the button. Nothing happened. The phone didn't even come on. I looked disbelieving at Leon. What was his problem. Why was he doing this.  
  
"Please... just go home." I pleaded. My voice was quivering with fear and I know Leon could hear it. He shook his head.   
  
"Open the door Aeris." Leon's tone was threatening. I pushed harder against the door.   
  
"No! Leon... please just go away!" I was scared now. Leon wanted to know where Riku and Sora where. I wasn't going to tell him at all.   
  
"You shouldn't have walked home alone." Leon breathed into the crack in the door. I backed away and glanced at the phone message from half any hour ago.   
  
Leon had been in the store with me.  
  
"Why do you want to know where Riku and Sora are?" I asked hastily. I was breathing fast out of fear. I had to stall for time. I had to think of a way to get out of here. Leon couldn't fit his head into the door so he pulled his foot back and said.  
  
"You know why."  
  
I got angry. "You're a sick terrible person for what you did! How could you hurt them like that!?" Tears welled in my eyes and I brushed them away. God... what am I going to do...  
  
"I have my reasons. Where are they." Leon asked again.  
  
"I don't know." I huffed.  
  
"Yes you do. Just tell me and I'll leave you alone." He went silent, waiting for my reply.   
  
"Go to Hell!" I hissed. Leon pulled the door closed just slightly. I was about to run over and slam it closed and lock the dead bolt when he suddenly rammed it. The chain bent and broke and he walked in slowly.   
  
"Now what where you saying?" He asked softly and let down his hood. I ran and he followed. I'd managed to get to my bedroom and almost slam the door before he shoved it open. I went flying to floor and hit it hard on my backside. Leon shook his head and stomped in. I back up on my hands to get away.   
  
"You little Bitch." He hissed and grabbed me by my hair to pull me up. I cried out and slapped him in the face. He laughed and tossed me onto the bed.   
  
This... had to be a nightmare.  
  
"I tried to be nice about all of this." Leon breathed. He was slightly out of breath. "Is that all you've got?" He taunted. I was so scared I couldn't breath properly. Leon grabbed my leg and pulled me down to him before he climbed on top of me and gripped my wrists. Tears were pouring freely from my eyes and I silently pleaded for him not to hurt me.  
  
"Oh, don't cry sweetheart." He teased and brushed a hand across my breast down to my   
  
thigh. I chocked on a sob.  
  
"Please..." I begged. I was shivering I was so terrified. Leon put his cold hand under my shirt and pushed it up He ran his hand over my stomach and stopped just below my breasts. I flinched away from discomfort and bitter frost of his touch.  
  
"I don't worry. I'm not going to fuck you." He leaned into my ear. "Women like you aren't my type." He kissed my cheek. I glared through my tears and looked him in the eye when he pulled back.   
  
"NO! Innocent little boys are! You sick BASTARD!" Leon slapped me with his free hand. I bit my tongue.   
  
"You've got jokes." He reached into his pocket and sat back. I was watching him out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at me through a slight annoyed gaze.   
  
"Here's the deal." He pulled something out of his pocket. I couldn't tell what it was. "You tell me what I want to know." He flicked his wrist and something cold was running up my belly. Something cold and sharp.  
  
"And I won't gut you like a fish."  
  
I started to cry harder.  
  
"Why.. are you doing this?" I questioned sadly. Leon was an evil terrible man. A rapist... and now maybe a killer. I didn't care what he did to me... I wasn't telling him where Riku and Sora where. I owed them this...  
  
"Why?" Leon repeated and tilted his head. "I don't know.... because I can." He pressed the knife into my skin and I felt it break slightly. It stung.  
  
"Now stop stalling and tell me where they are."   
  
"I don't know."   
  
Leon put the blade in my face. His expression was blank but I could tell he was getting tired of me. He'd kill me at this rate.  
  
I was scared...  
  
"Maybe I won't kill you. I'll just cut up this pretty face of yours." He slashed my cheek with his knife. The pain registered so quickly that I could barely cry out. Leon laughed slightly and pointed the knife back in my face.  
  
"Ready to tell me now?"  
  
I panted and swallowed hard. My cheek was throbbing with pain. I couldn't believe this was happening. My god.. what did Leon want Riku and Sora so badly for? He'd hurt them already. They were scarred for life. What else did he want?  
  
Oh knew... Leon was afraid they'd tell and he'd be caught. He wanted to silence them.  
  
He wanted to kill them.  
  
"Well?!" Leon yelled for the first time. "I'm tired of fucking around with you. Either you answer or I cut your damn throat!" I flinched away from him. And I noted for the first time in my mind that... even if I told Leon Sora and Riku where with Cloud.. I had no idea where Cloud lived. He'd never told me or anyone. I just know he lived downtown.  
  
"With Cloud." I said finally. Leon blinked a few times. I guess that was the last thing he'd expected to hear.  
  
"Where does he live?" Leon asked hastily. I wanted to laugh at him.   
  
"I don't know. Honestly. Cloud's never told me where he lives. I swear to you!" I was telling the honest truth. Leon seemed lost for a moment as his face registered my words as true.   
  
"You were sleeping with Cloud and you don't even know where he lives." I commented offhandedly to Leon. He glared at me but didn't do anything more. His anger seemed to be rising though.   
  
"Then you'll call him and find out." He finally said. I blinked back more tears. I was a little happy I had some slight control over this whole situation.   
  
"You cut my phone line." I reminded him bitterly. He growled at hit me again after letting go of my wrists.   
  
"Fuck.." He murmured. He still had his knife pointed at me. I looked around for something to grab and hit him with. All I had in reach was a pillow. That wouldn't do anything but stun him and make him mad. Leon had his back to the door and I looked there. My eyes widened when I saw a shadow lurking there. I couldn't who it was though. The person walked into the dim light of the window and I saw it was Tim from the store.  
  
Praise the Heavens.   
  
"You're afraid of him aren't you? Of Cloud?" I started talking to keep Leon from suspecting anything. Tim snuck up and grabbed one of my lamps with out make a sound. He kneeled down to unplug it. I'm glad it hadn't been on or he'd be given away. Leon didn't seem to like my comment and he grabbed my throat. I gasped in pain and surprise.  
  
"Afraid?! I'm not afraid of anyone!" He hissed into my face.   
  
"But.. you're afraid of Riku and Sora telling... So that makes you afraid of them..." I chocked. Tim was just on Leon and the crazed bastard hadn't noticed him.   
  
"Fuck those little snot faced brats. When I find them I'll rape them again and fucking slit their throats and toss them in the river." My eyes widened at Leon. He wasn't kidding.   
  
"They can meet you at the bottom." He breathed and reached back with his knife to stab me. I gasped and Tim cracked the lamp across Leon's head. Leon groaned loudly and stumbled off of me. The lamp hadn't broken so Tim hit Leon again. Blood was pouring down Leon's forehead now. But he was still standing. Tim held up his hands and the still undamaged lamp.  
  
"I called the police. They'll be here any minute." Tim said rushed and pulled out his cell phone to prove Leon that what he'd said was true. Leon ran a hand over his forehead and looked at the blood on his finger tips. Sirens started blaring outside not to far away. Leon gave Tim and me a long sidelong glare before he fled the room. I heard the front door slam behind him.   
  
Oh my god... he was gone....  
  
"Miss Gainsborough!" Tim yelled worried and ran to me. He sat my lamp down on the floor as I sat up. I pulled my shirt down and cradled my cheek. Tim pulled his coat off and put it around me.   
  
"I'll get a wet towel." He told me and went to search for the bathroom. I don't know why he'd decided to come by but I'm so grateful he had. It was a blessing was all I could say. When the police finally skidded to a halt in their cars at my home about 6 of them came in. A women officer looked me over and told me I needed snitches on my face. I'd have a scar. It didn't mind. I'd have taken more to keep Riku and Sora safe. Tim stayed with me the whole time and let me use his phone to call Cloud. I wanted to call Cid too.. but he didn't know what was going on. Best to not involve him. The police told me they didn't see Leon or any other suspicious character lurking about. I started to cry out the fact that he'd gotten away.   
  
So close...  
  
Tim had told me he'd been worried about if I'd gotten home safely not and that Leon, the hooded man in the store, had left soon after I did and followed me home After Tim had closed up the store he walked down my block to see if the lights were on. He said he'd seen the front door wide open and came in to investigate. I was so happy and grateful he'd done that. But I know feared for his life. Leon could come after him now. I told Tim this and he was escorted home by the police. They would handle it from there.   
  
I asked about my cat and a police officer brought him to me. They asked me what Leon looked like and other various questions and why had he attacked me. I hesitated in telling them. I didn't know what to say. If I told them the truth they'd know about Riku and Sora's rapes. I didn't know if I should talk about that to them yet.   
  
"He..." I started and that's when Cloud walked into the room.  
  
----------  
  
(Riku)  
  
----------  
  
Sora and I were in bed when the phone rang. Sora had already fallen asleep and I was just about to follow him into dream land when the blaring of the cordless started. I rolled over and put my arms around Sora's waist and snuggled up to him. I was dead set on ignoring the phone. Who the hell calls at this time of night? Something told me it could be important or an emergency. I was about to reach over and pick it up when the rings abruptly stopped. Cloud must have answered it or the person had stopped calling. I closed my eyes and sighed. Sleep had caught me already. I was just dozing off when Cloud suddenly burst into our room.   
  
"Riku, Sora!" He yelled. I jumped and turned to look at him. Sora was startled out of his sleep and looked wide eyed over his shoulder at Cloud.  
  
"What..." I groaned. My heart was beating a mile a minute. Cloud was pulling on clothes for some reason and I felt myself getting worried. Sora sat up and hugged onto my arm.  
  
"Cloud... what's wrong?" He whispered in fear. Cloud pulled down his turtle neck.  
  
"It's Aeris. She's been hurt." Sora and I both gaped in shock. Oh my god... what's happened?  
  
"Is...Is she alright?" I asked concerned. I may have been slightly mad at Aeris, but I didn't want her hurt in anyway. Cloud shook his head slightly and I took a sharp breath.   
  
Oh no..  
  
Sora was crawling out of bed.   
  
"She couldn't tell me much over the phone. I'm going to her place now. The police..."   
  
I cut in. "Police!? It's that bad?" I stood up. This was all a bad dream. Would the drama ever end. I hoped and prayed silently that Aeris was alright. I would never forgive myself if she was seriously injured.  
  
"Yes. Look, Seph will be here to get me in a few minutes. You two stay here and keep the phone close to you." I sat down shakily on the bed. Sora was up though.  
  
"But.... we want to come with you to make sure Aeris is...."   
  
"NO!" Cloud yelled. Sora flinched away. I looked wide eyed at Cloud for his sudden outburst. He looked nervous, worried, angry, and scared all at the same time. What had happened to Aeris that was so bad that we couldn't come? We just wanted to see if she was okay.  
  
"Cloud..." I started. He gave me a grim look. I shook my head in confusion.  
  
"It was Leon..."  
  
Sora and I froze.  
  
"He's looking for the two of you."   
  
Good, Bad? Review please.  
  
Authors Notes: This was nearly 30 pages long. OMG *finger craps*. So Sora knows about Riku's attempt at suicide. What do you think about his reaction? Was he to calm maybe? Riku is on an all out guilt trip now. He's hiding it well though. You'll see in in full force the next chapter. Seph and Cloud's relationship is out in the open. I only slightly hinted at Riku's slowly developing desire for Sephiroth. The tasty bits will show very soon. Cloud knows about Sora and Riku's rape. He took it well huh? Yeah right. *evil grin* New POV. Aeris's little scene was suspenseful huh? This is what happens when I watch Scream 2. Was it good? Aeris had a lot more screen time then I'd normally intended. I feel as though I captured her personality okay though. She's less sweet and innocent to me somehow (she said Bastard, lol!). I like how I made her less damsel in distress when Leon attacked her. She was willing to die to protect Riku and Sora. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill her later. Hmm, what do you guys think about Tim? Where you cheering when he beat the shit out of Leon with the lamp. I was! He's a hero! He wasn't supposed to be important, he didn't have a name until halfway through Aeris's POV and if you guys want I'll use him in the story again.   
  
Anyway, next chapter. Clouds rage towards Leon is slowly building over what he did to Sora and Riku, and now Aeris and he goes with Riku back to the 'abandoned house' in district 3 to retrieve some evidence. A trip to the police station leads to nowhere. Riku has a panic attack when he's alone with Sora and does something awful (much much worse then a slap). He runs away from home. Sora tells Cloud and Cloud has Seph keep in eye out for Riku. He's discovered by Sephiroth on a bridge over looking the river. Riku tries to jump. Seph talks him out of it and takes Riku home. Riku does something bad with Seph. Sora is going crazy with worry. Riku runs away again. He's gone for 4 days. A boys body washes up on the river bank and a phone call at 2 am is made to Sora.  
  
(Just let all of that sink in now.) 


	13. Chapter 13

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

****

Shameless plug. Want to look at pictures of Riku and Sora you can visit www.destiny-makers.net for my SquareSoft fanart collection. Spread the word. :)

*This chapter will disturb you. It made me go "hmmmm?"*

Chapter 13

"It's Leon. He's looking for the two of you."

I think I almost swallowed my tongue when Cloud uttered those simple words. The words scared me beyond all rational belief and I felt like I'd pass out from emotionally over heating. 

Leon was looking for us. 

Leon had hurt Aeris looking for us. 

It's been almost 2 months.. what could he possibly want? 

I looked at Cloud and gave him a questioning expression. He shook his head slightly. 

"I.. can only guess why Riku. Considering the extremes he went to towards Aeris... I don't even want to speculate it. You guys are safe here." 

I chewed my bottom lip. "How can you be so sure?" I stood up. "I mean.. didn't Leon used to be some kind of special soldier general person or something? He could easily figure out where you live.. And what if Aeris told." I started to pace while waiting for Cloud's reply. Sora was watching me walk back and forth in a daze. I think he's in shock. 

"Aeris doesn't **know** where I live." Cloud said simply and I stopped pacing to look at him. "There are thousands of apartment complexes downtown. We'd know Leon was coming before he stepped into the city anyway." Cloud was pulling on his jacket. He was explaining things calmly and rationally. Too calmly. Either he wasn't worried or he was a hell of an actor. I figured he was keeping himself under control for me and Sora's sake though.

"Aeris told me the police have put an A.O.D out on him." I blanked. What the hell did that mean?

"Apprehend on description." Cloud explained. I nodded in understanding as he continued. "Aeris described what Leon looked like to the police. They're looking for **him**. There's a warrant for his arrest." Cloud pulled on his gloves. "Forced entry, Assault, Attempted sexual assault, and attempted murder." 

Sora and I gasped in unison. Assult? Rape? Murder? Leon had tried to **kill** Aeris... Over us... Whoa whoa... Okay...

I had told Sora earlier that day about Cloud knowing of our rapes. He didn't seem upset or worried about things though. I still found it hard to swallow how easily Sora just seemed to dismiss all of this. Leon had hurt us. Sora either just **didn't** realize that, or didn't **want** to realize it. 

"Aeris... hasn't told the police about Leon raping us has she?" I asked in slight apprehension. I still wasn't ready for the police to know about that. I was ready for the questions or the looks yet. Cloud shook his head. 

"No. She started to but that's why she called me. They asked her why Leon would attack her.. You know... his reason behind it. She thinks we should report it now."

Oh... **now** that she's been hurt she **wants **to tell the police?

I ran my hands through my hair to calm myself.

I... shouldn't be so mean.. But still... 

Man...

*sigh*

Fuck....

This isn't happening. 

It just isn't...

".... But Aeris is going to be okay right?" Sora asked meekly and came to stand by me. He was wide awake. His clear baby blue eyes reflected pure terror and confusion. I pulled him to me and kissed his forehead. He's shaking really hard.

"I.. don't know yet. I was just told to come to her house ASAP." Cloud sighed deeply and rubbed his face. We were all silent for long moments when we heard a car horn honk once from outside. I went to the window to see a shiny black sports car parked in front of our building. Sephiroth got out of the car and looked up. He saw me and waved slightly. 

"I gotta go." Cloud said and started walking to the door. Sora and I followed him in a silent single file line. 

"If you need **anything **just call me, I'll have my cell on okay. I'll try to call every half an hour to check on you guys and update you about Aeris ." Cloud gave me a somber smile. 

"Things are going to be fine. Just...try not to worry to much." He ruffled Sora's hair and tapped my shoulder slightly before he walked out of the door. I heard him turning on the alarm system from outside. That meant we couldn't leave and no one but Cloud could come in. We couldn't turn off the system from inside the apartment. I locked the dead bolts and chain before turning to Sora and raising my eyebrows with a sigh.

"This.. has been some day huh?" I asked softly. He didn't say anything and just snuggled up to me by the doorway. I knew he was worried about Aeris and scared about Leon. I was worried too. Things just didn't seem to want to get better. But why now? After all of this time why did Leon want us? And why was he attacking our friends and associates like this? They had noting to do with this really. 

"Sora..." I started. He didn't look up at me but made a soft 'hm' sound in his throat. I started to walk us back to our bedroom before I continued. 

"Is.. there anyway Leon might have over heard you telling Aeris about what he did to you?" I was just curious. If my suspicions were right then that would explain why he'd attacked her. 

"I.. don't think he did... I didn't talk about it on the phone to her... Just when I was at her house..." Sora was climbing back into bed and curling under the blanket. He looked like a little boy to me then. He was so scared. I didn't know what to do to make him feel better. 

"Leon can't find us. We're safe okay." I soothed and got under the blankets. I didn't turn off the light or close our bedroom door. I had to be fully aware of what was going on in the apartment. ... We need a dog... really do.

"Wanna see what's on TV?" I asked trying to lighten the mood. Sora nodded but didn't speak and I turned on the TV with the remote. As soon as the screen flicked on the news came on. It was one of those reporting live news casts. I started at the screen blankly for a moment before I turned the channel. The same news cast was on that channel. I turned again to find the same thing.

What the fuck...?

I leaned forward and read the bi-line on the bottom of the screen. It had a location and time there. Sora suddenly set up and crawled hastily to the end of the bed. I watched him in utter surprise. His actions were so strange. I blinked really hard and stared at the back of his head before I could think of what to ask him.

"Um... you see something interesting?" 

Sora glanced back at me. His eyes were wide and haunted. I scooted to the end of the bed and touched his shoulder. 

"That's Aeris's house." He said softly pointing to the TV. My head snapped to watch the screen and I repeatedly hit the volume button. Oh my lord... something worse then what we thought must have happened if this was on the news. Please let Aeris be okay.

A skinny pale women was on the screen. She had a huge furry winter coat on and a scarf covering almost all of her face. Her glasses were frosted over and her lips looked parched from the cold. She held her microphone stiffly in her hand as she shivered. 

"This is Nancy Andrews reporting live from Uptown Traverse." She chattered. "In this cozy cottage like house behind me.." She moved aside and waved slightly at Aeris's house. "...only moment ago a brutal attack took place. 25 year old Aeris Gainsborough was viciously attacked. The young women had just come home from work to find a cryptic message on her answering machine by her assailant, who soon revealed himself as Squall LeonHeart. LeonHeart tried to innocently talk her way into Gainsborough's home and she politely refused to allow him entry. She tells us he forced his way into her home by breaking her front door down. Miss Gainsborough says she attempted to call the police but LeonHeart had destroyed her phone line." 

The newswomen was standing in front of Aeris's front door now and she was allowing the camera to get angles of the broken chain and bent hinges. Sora and I winced at that. Leon had really forced his way in. 

"After LeonHeart had managed to get into the house Gainsborough says she ran an a attempt to get away. LeonHeart followed her and cornered her in her own bedroom where

brutally slapped her and proceeded to sexually assault her." 

Sora had tears in his eyes. I pulled him to me and continued to watch. 

"LeonHeart threatened to kill Gainsborough and pulled an army brand pocket knife on her. She was injured, gaining a deep cut across her right cheek and a puncture in her stomach. The paramedics say she will only need a few stitches however." 

The reporter was standing in Aeris's living room now. I could see police officers and paramedics hovering in the background. They were talking, dusting, searching, and doing various other things. I didn't see Aeris anywhere though. 

"Gainsborough says Leon had proceeded to stab her to death when 19 year old Tim Jennings snuck up behind him. Jennings says he'd been worried for Gainsborough's safety and had come to check on her after closing his small convenience store sometime later. He says he discovered the front door broken in and went in to find out what was wrong. He used a lamp to stop LeonHearts attack. 

I turned off the TV then. Aeris had been saved. She was okay... But.. Leon had gotten away. Again... And now he had at least a small clue as to where Sora and I were hiding. This wasn't good... wasn't good at all. 

Sora was latching onto me like I was a life supporter. His small frame quivered harshly against my side. I don't know if he was scared for us or from what happened to Aeris. Both probably. 

"Baby.." I soothed and turned to pull him into my arms. He buried his face into my shirt and I thought he was crying until he looked up at me. 

"Riku... ...He wants to kill us... doesn't he...?" He asked in flat haunting tone. I was getting worried about his behavior as of late. He acted... in ways he shouldn't during certain situations. It bothered me. But how to answer his question. Oh yes Sora, Leon wants to slit our throats with a rusty razor blade and dump us in the river.... I shivered and tightened my grip on Sora. 

"....maybe..." Was all I could manage. Sora didn't say anything else and we just set there in silence until we both fell asleep. I had a lot of nightmares. Most of them involving Leon. Sora... he was hurting Sora... and I couldn't stop him. I was right there in the room but I couldn't move or cry out to him. Sora kept looking at me like I was crazy for not coming to help him. But I couldn't move... and Leon was... raping him again.... Seeing it like that... And then Leon pulled this knife from out of nowhere and... and... 

Leon told me... it was my fault. 

And then I dreamed I was hurting Sora. We really hadn't resolved anything from the other day. It just kinda got pushed aside in all of the ruckus that had suddenly flared up. Sora and I really needed to talk. I can't even begin to describe how disgusted I am with myself about last night. I took advantage of Sora... **I did**...

And you know it too!

It... seems like it happened a long time ago though. I think Sora was over me hitting him. He really did just want to let it go. Maybe I was wrong from bringing it back up. I mean... he didn't seem hurt by it anymore..

But I was hurt!

And that's when the other nightmare started. Sora and I were about to have sex. I could tell because.. well we were both naked and in a bed. Sora was inching away from my every touch but I just kept advancing on him... You know... I hope I don't really act towards Sora in real life, like how I was acting towards him in my dream... because I was really forcing him to do a lot of things he didn't seem like he wanted to do. Was I like that in real life towards him? Sora looked so terrified of me. I was pinning him down and literally forcing myself onto him.. into him.. and he just cried and cried.... and begged me to stop... and I didn't....

I just kept going....

__

Faster and faster and faster....

Until Sora was sobbing at the top of his lungs.... 

And he was screaming so hard that blood was spilling over his lips and I kissed him with so much passion and lust that I could taste the copper of his blood and the salt of his tears. I kept whispering softly but forcefully that he was '_mine_' that he belonged to '_me_'. 

**__**

Forever...

And he went limp and then instantly cold and snow pale underneath me. I called his name and shook his body but he didn't stir. And I noticed horrified that his beautiful sea blue eyes were black and hallow but still spilling tears.. and his blood stained lips hung open with a last lingering silent scream...

...begging me to stop...

And then he twitched so unnaturally in my arms that I recoiled from him. His empty eyes looked directly at me and somehow I saw my reflection in them. I was covered in Sora's blood. 

"Leon..."

He called me...

"Leon..."

He was calling me Leon...

"I love you..."

And I woke up in a cold sweat.....

-----------

Cloud

-----------

I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep my rage in check. Every time I look at Sora and Riku I think of what Leon has done to them. I consider those two my responsibility, my brothers, my children, whatever. They're under my care... and I didn't notice before now. I should have figured... whatever made them run so quickly from living with Leon... but not in my wildest dreams could I have thought it to be something like this.

Rape...

I ran a hand across my face and stared out the window. Cars and buildings whipped past us in a streak of color. The soft rumble of the engine was soothing to me and help me think rationally. Seph was staring blankly forward as he drove. He hadn't asked me what was going on. I'd just called him as soon as I got off of the phone with Aeris and told him to come and get me. I didn't tell what had happened yet. He gave me an odd look when I got in the car. I tried to smile and not look so tense and worried but it was hard. I was so mad right now I was shaking. Leon had gone after Aeris.... the bastard... he'd hurt her... the bastard...

"You're trembling." Seph said softly and put his free hand over mine, which rested on my knee. I looked at him and gave him a forced smile. 

"I'm... just a little anxious... that's all." I said softly. Sephiroths eyes darted to me for a second then focused back on the road. 

"Is Aeris alright?" He asked me. I heard the concern in his voice. He was worried about what had happened, and why I was acting like this. I sighed and rested back against my seat.

"I... I don't know. She just told me to get to her place right away..." I said and closed my eyes. Seph removed his hand and tucked his hair behind his ear before he asked. 

"This may be none of my business but I have to ask. Does this have something to do with Sora and Riku." 

I opened my eyes and looked at my lover. He was so perceptive. But... it's not like it wasn't obvious. I mean.... I did just kind of move two teenage boys into my apartment one day. Something had to have been going on... 

I should have asked sooner... forced it out of them...

"It's... it's about Leon." I started. Oh god... if I told him this... Seph knew who Leon was. He'd never met him, but he'd seen him from a distance. I never told him I used to... er... that Leon and I used to be bed buddies. Sephiroth didn't turn to look at me but I saw him frown. He told me he didn't like Leon much. That there was something off about him. 

He was right...

"What about him?" Seph said after a second. I swallowed hard and bit my lip. Seph looked at me fully when I didn't respond. 

"Cloud." He said. I scratched the back of my neck and turned back to look at him. He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. 

"....Leon....he... I don't know if I should tell you." I started and hunched my shoulders. Sephiroth smirked and looked back at the road. 

"What? That you and him used to be lovers." 

I gaped and turned back to him with wide eyes. "How... did you know?" I asked stiffly. That.... wasn't something I wanted him to know about. I was ashamed as it was... Leon... was **_every_ **bodies lover. Sephiroth shrugged and tilted his head. 

"I didn't." He breathed and smiled. "You just told me." He flashed a grin at me and I fumed. Argg... he always did that. I should have known. But..

"You... don't mind?" I asked in surprise. But... well... why would he anyway. It's not like he **knew** about Leons reputation. 

"No, I don't.". He said and reached out to stroke my cheek. I felt better at that. My nerves had calmed a bit as well. How lucky was I to be with a guy like him? I mean... besides how he looks. He's got a great personality and he's so loving. I kind or wish were weren't in a rush to get to Aeris's house or that it was an emergency. Otherwise I'd tell him to go to his place and we'd... well.. you know... heheheheh.

"Was that it?" He asked with a hint of curiosity in his voice. I went tense again. Somehow I'd managed to worm my way out of this discussion the first time... or had he been the one to change the subject? 

"Leon did something to Riku and Sora didn't he" 

Sephiroth wasn't asking. He knew. He just wanted to hear me say it. He had a way of discerning things around him way too well. It scared me sometimes. 

"I heard you guys talking about it." He suddenly said. And I frowned at him then. 

"When... how..?" I asked. Hell... I'd only found out about it like... 2 days ago. How had he overheard? He'd never been around when I talked to Aeris or Riku about it.

"Your phone. After you called me to tell me to come and get you, you never hung up. When I tried to call and tell you I was pulling up in front of your place my line was still connected to yours. You must have had your cell phone in your hand... because I heard you talking to them about Leon. And what he did to them." 

I started to think back to everything I'd said to Riku and Sora when I went in their room. When had we mentioned their rape? I don't remember... oh yeah...

__

"Aeris... hasn't told the police about Leon raping us has she?" 

Riku had asked me...

"No. She started to but that's why she called me. They asked her why Leon would attack her.. You know... his reason behind it. She thinks we should report it now."

I looked at Seph and pursed my lips. For some reason, now that Sephiroth knew, I felt more helpless. I thought I'd feel better but I wasn't.. not at all. I blamed myself for what happened. I should have let Riku and Sora stay with me from the beginning. They never should have moved in with someone like Leon. 

"Leon... is after them?" Sephiroth asked softly. I nodded and pursed my lips. 

"....He wants to kill them Seph." I breathed sadly and I wrapped my arms around his free one and rested my forehead on his shoulder. I was so lost now. Aeris had been hurt and Leon was still free to do as he pleased. If only I'd known sooner I could have stopped this from happening.

"Well, now that Leon has a warrant out for his arrest... this may be the best time to report Sora and Riku's rape. But Riku and Sora have to testify to them.... You telling won't be enough." 

Oh just great... Yeah right... Riku didn't even **want** the police to know... How could I talk him into telling at all. And Sora... I don't think he even cares anymore. Which is strange.. I really think I need to ask him about that.

"...I'll see..." I said just as we turned into Aeris's drive way. There were so many police cars around I started to get scared. God... what had happened? All of this for one person?

A police officer came up the car as Seph parked it and got out. The cop asked me who I was and started to lead me inside. I turned to look at Sephiroth, to tell him to follow, but he was already behind me. I saw blood on the snow and my heart felt like it stopped. Was... that from Aeris. The police officer lead us inside and trail continued. I noticed though that it was headed back in the opposite direction. Hmmm. 

"We've still gotta clean that up." The officer said. I looked at him with wide eyes. "Some kid beat the shit out of that LeonHeart guy. We followed the blood trail up until it just disappeared. We figure he managed to stop it. But considering the severity of his injury, from what Miss Gainsborough told us, he'll be out of commission for a while."

That was Leon's blood. I felt slightly relieved at that. So he wouldn't be attacking or trying anything any time soon. That was **some** good news. But I hadn't seen Aeris yet. I wonder how bad her injuries are. I heard her voice from down the hall to her room and picked up my pace. There was a ruckus in the background and I heard some things fall over and clatter to the floor. Sepiroth had stopped behind me and was looking at the disarray in the kitchen with a glint of curiosity in his eye. I didn't stop to ask him what he was doing though. When I turned into Aeris's room she looked up at me through tired but bright green eyes. I ran to her and pulled her into a hug and she returned my embrace. 

"Cloud... I'm so glad you're here now." She breathed and held onto me tightly. I thought she was about to cry but she just sniffled instead and pulled her blanket tighter around her. 

"Are you okay?" I asked in concern and pulled back to look at her. She smiled slightly as I brushed a strand of her wavy chestnut hair from her face. I smiled for a moment but it faded when I saw the large bandage on the left side of her face. I ran a finger just barely over the wrappings and scowled. 

Leon.

He did this to her.

He hurt her.

And the boys.

**__**

Leon.

My rage must have been radiating because Aeris took my face into her hands and called my name softly. I blinked, startled, and looked at her.

"The boys... he wants to know where they are.." She whispered. A police officer was hovering by the door way and giving us an odd look. I glared at him and he turned away. 

"I didn't tell them anything yet... but they want to know.. why Leon..." 

Aeris started again, but I cut her off.

"We're going to tell them what happened." I said sternly. Aeris looked surprised for brief second but then she nodded in understanding. It was high time we settled this whole terrible situation once and for all. Riku and Sora where tired of being scared. Aeris was now in fear for her life. And there was no telling what Leon's deranged crazy ass would do next. 

But I know him... 

Leon... from the little time I was with him. He's... strange. Not the strange that you'd find interesting... just.. strange. He says things... normal people wouldn't say... and does things normal people wouldn't do...

I don't know how to explain it.

But... there has always been something **off** about him to me...

I... should have noticed it sooner. 

Sephiroth finally stepped into the room and the lone police officer tried to stop him. Aeris and I watched, in some slight shock, as Seph gave the cop an up and down look and the man nearly slipped as he tried to scramble away from him. 

Okay... that was... different...

"How are you?" Sephiroth said softly and kneeled down in front of Aeris. She smiled at him and shrugged. 

"Okay.. I guess... um..." She faltered and gave me a questioning look. Aeris had met Seph back when we first started going out, but she wasn't sure if he knew about everything that was going on. 

"He knows." I told her softly. Aeris looked back at my lover and bit her lip. 

"So now.. you're in danger too.." She uttered sadly. Sephiroth smiled for some reason and shook his head. 

"Don't worry about me." He stood up and walked over to the lone window in the room and became silent. For some odd reason... the way he was acting was bothering me. I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow. 

"....What were you looking at in the kitchen?" I asked. Seph glanced at me for a brief moment before he turned and reached into his coat. 

"I found something interesting." He walked over to me and sat down on the bed. 

"Did you notice anything missing from your house when you first came home Aeris?" He was ignoring my questioning gaze at him. I was watching his concealed hand with interest. What had he found? And what.... why would he bring it up at a time like this?

Aeris blinked in confusion but seemed to be mentally running over all of her belongings in her head. She shook it after a moment. 

"Er... no... I mean.. I wasn't really paying attention. Why?"

Sephiroth turned just slightly on the bed so he could look at Aeris better as he spoke. 

"Leon was looking for something. I doubt he had time to search after attacking you. He's tried to break in your house before tonight though." 

I made a face. Out of shock and confusion. How the hell did Seph know this? I looked at Aeris and she seemed to be wondering the same thing. This was all just... too weird. 

"I don't think you noticed it, but the dead bolt on your back door had been broken completely off. The only thing keeping your door locked was the small lock on the door knob. I'm assuming that takes a special key right?" 

Aeris nodded. Her face was one of pure shock. 

"Did you unlock your dead bolt when you came home?" Sephiroth asked. I frowned and looked at Aeris. She started at her hands for a second in concentration, then her eyes widened and she looked up at Sephiroth. 

"No.... I just... used the bottom lock's key... I never.. even noticed." 

Okay.. Seph.. are you gonna explain what's going on now or what? That's what I wanted to ask. But I was too in awe of his detective skills. 

"When Cloud and I came in, the police were searching your kitchen. You had a bunch of boxes stacked up near the back door." 

Aeris nodded slowly. 

"What's in them?" Seph asked and lowered his eye lashes. He was about to tell us about his findings as soon as Aeris answered his question. I waited silently in anticipation. 

"Old newspapers and magazine clippings. I.... Leon gave them to me so I could use the paper in some my arts and crafts..." 

Sephiroth smiled just slightly and pulled a tattered old... it looked like a diary, about the size of notebook, but thicker then a photo album, out from under his jacket. It was busting at the seams from being over stuffed with papers and notes. 

"I believe Leon was looking for _this_." Seph said and handed the book to Aeris. She ran her hands over the cover and frowned. 

"Then why did he attack me?" She asked softly and squinted. "And why would he want this old..."

"I think that's his journal." Seph corrected her. "I believe he's been trying to get it back from you. Maybe... he was afraid to ask for it. I don't know. But this is part of the reason, I'm sure, he wanted to get into your house. I believe he attacked you... because he was frustrated." 

I looked at Sephiroth with a startled expression. Was he.. defending Leon?

"Frustrated?" I hissed and turned my body fully around so I could talk directly to him.

"That's gives him reason to nearly kill her?" I wasn't really snapping at Seph...but just the thought of that being Leon's only defense for hurting Aeris... it was ridiculous!

Sephiroth wasn't bothered by my slight outburst. He took my face into his hands and kissed my forehead. 

"Calm down. Listen. Do you remember how I told you something was off about Leon. Well.. I managed to snatch up a few of those news paper clippings from the boxes while the police were busy trying to clean up the mess...." Sephiroth paused and looked slightly uneasy.

"One of them... was from about... 20 years ago..." He said and unfolded a piece of very old tattered paper. I could barely read the words they were so faded. But there was a clear picture at the bottom of the article. Seph had his hand over it though. On purpose too.

We were all kids then. I was.. about 4... man that was a long time ago. But Leon was... about 8 or 9 then.. I think.

"The clipping was about a little boy. A foster child. It seems as though his foster father was...an alcoholic, abusive, into drugs... and that he sold his son for sex... to get the drugs..." Seph pursed his lips and handed me the newspaper clipping. 

"Cloud... Leon... Squall... is a rape victim himself."

I started wide eyed at the 9 year old boy in the photograph. He had those piercing almost colorless eyes, which looked even more empty from the picture being black and white, and that unkempt dark hair. 

It was Leon... It was Squall. The same man I knew... Only as a boy...

He was looking at the camera like he wanted it to burst into flames at that moment... and he looked so miserable. I felt a pain in my throat for some reason and ran a finger over Leon's past image. 

A little boy...

Just like Sora and Riku...

It felt like something sharp was in my throat... and my eyes started to hurt. I don't know why.. but this just bothered me to no end....I was starting to feel.. sorry for Leon. 

"Cloud... you know what this means?" Seph had put his hand over the picture to block it from my view. 

"He's sick. Mentally sick." 

I looked around at Aeris and noticed tears streaming down her face. For all of this time.. since I'd known about what happened to Riku and Sora.. I'd never questioned it.. I never once questioned why Leon would have done it. There are many reasons why someone would rape a person. **All **of them are stupid reasons at that... but they all involve one simple thing.

****

Control. 

It's not for the sexual thrill, about the rapist being crazy, or even an attraction to the victim. It's all about control. 

Leon... was a victim.. and he must have never talked about it or got help... because now... he was doing the same thing. 

I... don't know if I can even go to the police now... Knowing this... 

Leon... was alone...

He'd been hurt too... was this his way of getting revenge? By hurting other people? What had Riku an Sora done to him anyway? That's just it.. they'd done nothing. Just like how he had done nothing to his foster father. 

What am I gonna do...

How am I going to tell Sora and Riku...

Especially Riku...

"There's more..." Seph said softly and took the book from Aeris. He opened it and flipped to a page with lots of color photos. A bunch of people I didn't know were in the pictures. I saw Cid in one and noticed how young he looked. These must have been from.. maybe ten years ago. I was busy looking at all of the other peoples faces and trying to place them but I just couldn't. 

"They're all dead. Slain by the Heartless." Seph whispered. I frowned sadly at that. That bit of information had hurt me for some reason. 

Then on one picture, with 2 boys sitting under a cherry blossom tree, one of them had short blonde hair, caught my eye. I recognized the blonde from pictures Leon had in a photo album in his room. The other boy in the picture was Leon. His hair was shorter, he didn't have that scar across his face either... he had to be no older then about 16. He was... smiling. I'd never seen him do that. He had a.. beautiful smile. 

It was trapped in time... and something had happened to make his smile fade forever...

"It was... all a lie.." Seph started. Aeris and I looked at him. He wasn't looking at the photos anymore. He... seemed to just know this by heart or something. But.. how could he?

"Squall was... 17. He had been adopted again. I remember... he lived near by." Seph gave me a haunted look. My eyes widened. 

What the fuck???

"I.. wasn't his friend or anything. He just.. lived nearby. He was dating Seifer, the blonde in the picture.... I remember... they were always together... they were always happy. But I always noticed that when people weren't around things with them were different. Squall seemed so afraid of Seifer, and he was always saying sorry for every little thing. Seifer abused Squall. I saw it once... it was on the same day they took that picture." Seph nodded towards the photograph of the 2 boys under the cherry blossom tree.

"I was there...." He uttered in a breathy tone. "Yes... behind a bush taking a nap..."

Seph was only about 14 then.

"I heard 2 male voices arguing. No one else was around. I just turned to look at see what was going on. Squall and Seifer were about 10 feet away. I could hear everything. Seifer had slammed Squall into one of the tree trunks and was holding him by the throat. He looked so vicious.. like he'd kill Squall at any minute. Squall was shaking his head but wasn't fighting back. I heard Seifer tell him... that "**Squall** was **his**... _forever_," and then he just hit him.. He just hit Squall and threw him to the ground. I was just a kid... I really didn't know what to do....but I think... No... Seifer hurt Squall....."

Seph made the most anguished expression I'd ever seen in my life. I could only imagine how recalling this... seemingly terrible memory..., looked inside of Seph's head.

Terrible.

"Right there.. out in the open... There was blood, lots of it. I didn't stay to watch... and Squall didn't ask Seifer to stop..."

Sephiroth looked me in the eye and bit his lip. I'd never seen him look so helpless and guilty. He was regretting something from a long time ago. 

"I wanted to say something.... To make Seifer stop.. but I was a kid. Seifer would have... I don't know what he would have done. And he wouldn't have listened to me. I even tried to report it to the police. They laughed at me..." Sephiroth paused and frowned at the pictures. Aeris and I gaped in silence. 

I... couldn't believe it. 

"Seifer...." He started again and seemed to have to think really hard about what he was going to say next. 

"He... just died... one day." 

I gasped without meaning to. Aeris's eyes were bugging.

"Squall left after that. I think that's when he met you Cloud. In Hallow Bastion. That's when he **became** Leon." Seph was giving me a slightly dazed expression. It seemed like it had been difficult for him to recall all of these things. Like it just only dawned on him. 

"Why.. didn't you mention this before?" I asked.. I had to be sure though.

Seph shook his head slightly and blinked. "I didn't know who **Leon** was. I'd always known him as **Squall**. It was only after I saw him from afar that I... felt like I'd seen him some where before."

Small world huh? This was just freaking me out. So.... Leon.. er... Squall... was a victim himself....

He was an innocent...

Just like Sora and Riku....

__

Fuck!

-----------

Sora

-----------

I'd been up for about an hour staring into the shadows of our pitch black room. I couldn't seem to sleep even though I felt really tired. I was content with just being able to rest though so I didn't try to force myself to get comfortable. I heard Riku whimper slightly and turned to look at his back. He was shaking just slightly in his sleep. I started to reach out and try to comfort him. I sat up and inched over to him slowly. I didn't want to wake him. 

"...no..."

I froze and let my hand hover in mid air over Riku's shoulder. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or not. Had he seen my shadow somehow.

"...no..." 

He breathed again. And I noticed the fear in his voice. What was he dreaming about? Riku always had nightmares... but I knew then what those had been about. I wonder what Riku sees in his dreams now.

Leon...

I let my hand fall to my side. The rape would haunt him for the rest of his life I knew. Even in his waking hours Riku was shaky and timid towards me. Even in the instances that he did hold me he hesitated. Like he didn't know what to do. I.... thought we'd resolved all of this yesterday...

Wait...

That's right.... we hadn't finished talking. Riku had run off to the kitchen...

Sephiroth. 

A detour. He'd interrupted our talk. Not knowingly. But still. We really hadn't resolved anything. And... I just realized that Riku hadn't brought it back up. Maybe.. maybe he just wanted to let it go now....

Or maybe...

The phone rang .

Riku reached over suddenly and picked it up. He'd done it so quickly I wasn't sure if he actually really been asleep at all. I heard him murmur a sleepy hello and I laid back down. He glanced at me and mouthed the word "Cloud." I nodded and snuggled back into the blankets and pillows. I noticed vaguely that Riku looked rather pale and uneasy. Probably from his nightmares. 

Riku nodded and said 'yeah' a few times into the phone before he asked.

"So... what about tomorrow?" 

I perked up. Hmm, this was new. What **about** tomorrow?

"No... I really don't want to go..." Riku was frowning. I was unsure of what he was talking about. 

"You can't go by yourself." Riku sounded worried for moment. I sat up and gave him a questioning look. He glanced at me but didn't say anything. That annoyed me a bit.

"Oh... you told him...?" Riku asked, and his face darkened slightly. Uh oh.. that didn't sound good. What and who had Cloud told? This had something to do with the rapes.

"He's going with you?" Riku asked meekly. And I saw a **blush** burst across his face. I frowned and glared at the phone. 

What the fuck....

Who the hell were they talking about. And why was Riku blushing. 

"Er... tell him I said thanks... Yeah.. I will. Okay. Bye." Riku hung up the phone and sat it down it's stand by the bed. I gazed steadily at him until he noticed me. He yawned and scratched his head before he responded.

"Aeris is fine. She's going to stay with Cid for while." 

I raised any eyebrow. Okay.. that was **great**.. Really it was. Aeris was okay. Now... go on.

"**What's** happening _tomorrow_ that _you_ **don't** want to go to?" I asked stiffly. Riku closed his eyes and sighed under his breath. 

"Cloud and I... we're going to go to... Leon's house..." 

I frowned and leaned forward. 

"Why?" I hissed. What the heck? Leon's house. Why did he want to go there after what just happened? 

"We'd.. discussed his before Leon had even attacked Aeris, Sora. Look... Cloud was thinking that maybe some evidence of my rape is still at the house.... If we find some.. we can press charges against Leon and have him put in prison."

I blinked and then frowned.

Riku made it sound so simple. Just find some left over cum from Leon and everything would be fine. Would it really? Would Leon being behind bars really make Riku happy?

"So... if you're not going with Cloud.. who is?" I think I know the answer. I just want to hear Riku say it. Then I'll know why he was blushing. 

"Sephiroth is. He.. volunteered I guess. Cloud told him everything." Riku had lain back down and was ready to go back to sleep. The fact that he wasn't freaking out and yelling about Cloud telling his boyfriend, the way he had when he'd found out about Aeris knowing, made me angry. We actually knew Aeris, she wasn't a total stranger. Riku and I had only met Sephiroth yesterday. Cloud obviously trusted the man... enough to tell him. 

But he could have _asked _us first. 

Sephiroth....

He knew now... about the rapes.

That mad me really mad. 

****

Where did Cloud get off telling everyone our business? Now every time I see that man... he's going to be giving me and Riku that pitying look. Like he understands what we're going through. Like he can help... 

Riku didn't seem to feel the way I did. He'd even told Cloud to thank Sephiroth. 

To thank him... Riku hadn't been happy that Aeris knew. What could Sephiroth do anyway? He couldn't change the past, or make us forget. He was just as helpless as everyone else. But Riku seemed okay with him knowing... even **over** the police knowing... Why was that? 

What's so _special _about **_Sephitroth_**?

I laid down slowly and pulled the blankets up over my legs. I was getting so upset I felt sweaty and hot. I wanted to yell at Riku for some odd reason. I swear if he touches me I'm going to smack him one... 

He just didn't understand anything... 

I saw the looks, the blushing, the way he got all timid and shy. Riku acted like **me** when ever Sephiroth was around. He got a giggly and soft spoken... 

Riku...

Sephiroth...

Riku... 

...liked him...

He liked Sephiroth. That's why I was starting to feel uneasy about him being around. He was Cloud's boyfriend.. and this was Cloud's place, so I couldn't stop him from coming over. But... he seemed a little to nice to Riku. Like he could tell Riku had a thing for him. He made Riku act in ways I could never manage. He made Riku weak and helpless. Just by looking at him.. 

I couldn't compete with a man like that. 

I couldn't.

I'd worked to hard to get things back to being okay. This man wasn't going to steal Riku from me. Riku tried to hide his attraction. But I could see it. I could practically feel it in the air. 

Riku...

Don't leave me...

Please... 

-----------

Riku

-----------

The day came and went and we were in bed. Cloud had called back once that day to check on us. He'd told me he hadn't gotten to the house just yet to search, that he had to clear some things up with the police with Aeris first and that he was sleeping over at Sephiroth's place tonight. Sleeping over. Just sleeping. Maybe I shouldn't think about what they'd be doing... but I think it's pretty obvious. If they aren't having sex.. something's just wrong.. or maybe they want to get married first...

I couldn't help but think.. the longer we waited to search the house... the closer Leon got to us. I had tried not to worry about all of that mess for just one day though. Sora and I stayed in bed for most of the day. We didn't talk, just watched TV. He was acting strangely. He wouldn't look me in the eye when I called his name. Not that I'd tried to many times. I was still pretty fucked up by that dream I'd had. Why had Sora called me Leon..? It was just a dream and at first I was stressing about it. But now that I was really sitting down and thinking about the nightmare... I was starting to silently freak out.

Sora had called me Leon!

What had did _that_ mean..? 

He... said he loved me... no he said he loved Leon... In the dream...

*freaking out*

...I was sleeping restlessly again. The nightmare still fresh in my minds eye. I was trying earnestly to ignore the images. I knew they weren't real... and that Sora was fine... I knew but couldn't stop the visions. I rolled onto my back and felt assured when I felt Sora's very warm body against mine. Further evidence that the dream was just that, a **dream**. 

Sora was fine. 

Sora...

Sora...?

???

"Hey..." I started and was silenced by a very passionate and very deep kiss. I blinked and tried to push Sora away. He was clinging to me like a life line and wouldn't let me breath. His eyes were shut and he'd pushed his entire body weight down on me. This was... different...

"Sora..." I gasped as he finally let me go. He was making his way down my body, rubbing his fingers over my chest and past my nipples through my shirt. I felt a jolt of arousal when his nails touched my bare abdomen. 

What the hell is he doing!?

"Sora...?" I breathed. I was getting hot despite trying not to. He'd **never** acted like this. What had brought this on? 

"Please..." I heard him whisper meekly. I looked down wide eyed at him. He was looking at me through very awake and aware eyes. But there was something wrong. There was a glint in them I'd never seen before. A glint of desperation. 

"Pl...please... what...?" I gasped and he started wrestling with my pants. I swallowed really hard and tried to pull his hands away. Normally I would have just lain back and let him do his work...

"What... are you doing...?" I asked and managed to still his wrists for a second. 

Okay... I knew full well what he was doing. He hadn't lowered his face to my groin for nothing.

"Sora stop." I hissed and jerked away from him. He growled at me and knocked my hands away. I gave him an alarmed and slightly angry look. **What **the fuck is wrong with him? 

"Don't make me stop..." He uttered softly and pushed up my shirt. He ran the palms of his hands over my nipples and I gasped in pleasure. I couldn't stop myself. This whole situation was turning me on.. and it was nice that Sora wanted to pleasure me and all... but.. why so sudden and like this? It felt wrong. After that dream I had....This was like last time... when I'd hit him and he suddenly wanted to have sex... 

It was further freaking me out...

"I just want to..." He explained and kissed me just below my belly button. My stomach muscles jerked and sent this really odd sensation right down to my groin. I moaned beside myself and flopped back onto my pillow. Sora had pulled my pajama bottoms down and the cool air of our room was tingly against my exposed and highly delicate area. I sat up on my elbows and looked down at Sora with a wide eyed expression. He gave me a gentle childlike smile before he took me into his mouth. His gaze never leaving mine. 

My face felt hot and I had to brace myself for the powerful sensation that hit me. I couldn't catch my breath at first and just gasped softly. Sora was running his hands up my chest while he worked and he was making soft cooing noises in the back of his throat. This only further sent me over the edge. What is he trying to do? Sora wasn't the type to just... initiate something like **this**. He was too timid and shy.. and unsure of himself. He would actually ask me if I wanted him to give me oral sex most of the time. He wouldn't just **do** it. 

"Sora.." I panted and sat up again. This was feeling really good and I really didn't want him to stop. But something about his earlier plea bothered me. 

"Sora..." I moaned and ran my hand through his hair. He looked back up at me, but didn't stop. Being able to see him pleasure me made my voice catch in my throat and I completely forgot what I was about to ask him. He smiled around me and started to go slower... dragging out his tongues caresses. I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. 

Mmmmm... he's so good at this....

I hissed and ushered him on. When he pulled back and started to tease me with just the tip of his tongue I almost screamed in pure pleasure. 

I... I couldn't tell him to **_stop_**... I couldn't even remember how to spell the word at that moment....

"Sora.... sora... sora..." I moaned and rested flat on my back. Both of my hands were now running through his baby soft tresses. He was moaning in his throat and that sent some very nice vibrations up my body. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take... I was getting close... I couldn't gather a rational thought and I tried to tug Sora away from me. 

"..stop.."

I nearly choked out. Sora.... had latched onto me. He had his hand wrapped around me in a death grip. I cried out and tossed my head back. Okay... this was staring to hurt now....

When I felt the hot wave of my climax wash over me I just laid there panting and trying to catch my breath. My lips were dry so I licked them and then wiped the sweat off my forehead. And I felt a sob in my throat. I don't know why but I felt so sad and dirty at that moment. What was Sora doing this for. He didn't have to act like this. I hadn't been in the mood for any of this... not after yesterday, and that dream...

It was just wrong and completely fucked up...

I felt my pants come off completely then, and Sora was straddling my waist. I opened my eyes and gaped at him. He leaned down to kiss me before I could say anything and he, it felt like, tried to gag me on his tongue. I could taste myself in his mouth. That mixed with his own taste made me gag. Normally I'd have ravaged Sora and this point... but I just wasn't enjoying this in the slightest right now... I... really didn't want to go on.... But Sora was being so forceful.

He didn't even take time to prepare _himself_. Sora was trying to put me inside of him. I grabbed his hips and tried to pull him off of me. 

"Hey.. wait.. calm down.." I said in a worried tone. He growled at me **again **and tried to force himself down on me. I was stronger then Sora, and I'd almost managed to wrestle him off of me but he grabbed my wounded wrist and squeezed it as hard as he could. I saw colored stars for about 10 seconds from pain. I can't believe he just did that to me. He'd handicapped me and he'd managed, without hurting himself I hope, to get me inside of him. He started to rock his hips and moan softly. I saw stars. And suddenly I didn't mind going on anymore. 

If you've never had sex... you don't understand how hard it is to stop... you just don't. Even though something was wrong with Sora... I couldn't stop my hips from rocking up to meet his. 

"Riku." He moaned and put my hands on his hips. It wasn't very often that Sora was on top. Watching him ride me was... well... overwhelming. I found myself wanting to go faster and harder. Sora tossed his head back and braced himself with his hands the bed. I ran my hands up his stomach and down his thighs. 

"Sora..." I whispered. And then I choked on a sob. I felt like crying from the pain in my arm and from what Sora was doing. I wanted him to stop now. I.... wasn't enjoying this. But.... I couldn't calm my libido enough to just flat out stop.

Until Sora lowered his head and I saw tears leaking down his cheeks. I regained some sort of control and stopped rocking. Sora opened his eyes and licked his lips.

"Why'd you stop?" He panted and leaned down to try and kiss me. I turned to avoid his lips and he tried to grab my face and force me to kiss him. 

"Don't stop..." He panted into my lips and started to roll his hips again. A fresh wave of tears spilled down his cheeks. 

"Sora! **Stop it**!" Okay... now I knew something was wrong. 

"I want this Riku!" He cried at me. I paused at stared at him in the face. This had to be the most disturbing thing I'd ever seen. 

"I... I don't understand..." He chocked. I felt bad then. What had I done now? I just... wanted to know what was wrong with him... "... I thought things were getting better! Why can't I... what's so wrong with me that I can't just... I just... want you to be happy..." 

"Sora, I am happy." I soothed and held his shoulders so he would stop trying to impale himself on me. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't believe what just happened. Sora covered his face with his hands and started to tremble. I tried to ease from under him but his head suddenly snapped up and he was yelling at me so loudly I was frozen in place. 

"You're going to** leave **me... I know you are...!!" Sora sobbed and bit his bottom lip.

"What?" I asked shocked. Where... had he gotten that idea? "Le... Leave you.. What? Why would you...? Where? Sora... why would you even think that?" I was so dazed that I couldn't talk right. I was also stuttering because I was still aroused. My mind was so clouded by what Sora just did to me I could barely keep my eyes open.

"For him!" Sora shrieked and he hit me hard the chest. I coughed and looked at him with pain full eyes. He was frowning down at me through his tears. He looked crazed. 

And so sad...

"**Sephiroth**! I see how you look at him. You want to **fuck** him don't you?!!" 

I blinked so hard I saw colored spots. I'd have laughed if I could remember how to.

"...excuse me...?" I muttered. **What** the **fuck**?! I'd suddenly forgotten about the immense pain in my arm and the feeling of guilt that was slowly rising. Sora wiped his tears away and snarled at me. He wasn't fucking kidding. It was rare for me to see him truly angry. When I did get to see it, it scared me. He was so vicious. It made me think twice about talking back to him. 

"You were **flirting** with him!" Sora accused me. 

And at that moment I felt so much rage towards him that I think a vein popped my forehead. Flirting? 

"**WHAT**?!" I bit back. How dare he even.. bring something like this up right now. Did he forget that I'd just been raped not even 2 months ago? Sora's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something. I made him shut up with a quick shake of my head. 

"Flirting? Maybe I do want to sleep with him! So what. I **haven't**. And I haven't attempted too! You scared the living shit of me just now... all of this because you think I like Sephiroth. So what if I was flirting a little. I think it's pretty damned obvious who I want. I'm fucking you aren't I?"

Sora gave me a hurt expression. 

"After **all **that I've been through do you honestly believe I'd go out and cheat on you. _Yeah_, I was flirting, and _Yeah_ maybe I do have a **slight** attraction to Sephiroth. Can you blame me!? I mean, you saw him. Who wouldn't want to sleep with him Sora? I know you would! Don't **deny** it! You aren't perfect!"

Sora was shaking his head now. I pushed Sora down onto the bed so **I** was now the one on top and held his wrists. I realized I was still inside of him. But I wasn't aroused anymore. I wasn't enjoying this at all anymore. 

"It's not as bad and you sleeping with Leon and liking it!"

I... had **not** meant to say that out loud...

Sora had his eyes shut tight and his lips quivered in fear. I don't know what he was afraid of. Me... yeah... I was so mad I was seeing red. I had the urge to grab Sora's throat and just.... ARGGG!!! What possessed him to bring up some stupid shit like this now!?

"I've never bad mouthed you about sleeping with Leon. I'll be honest with you Sora. It fucking disgusts me that you did it. And you defend him. You keep making the same excuse."

Sora was staring at me through wide tear filled eyes

"Leon **raped **you Sora! Stop denying it! He never loved you! **EVER**!" 

I took a breath.

"You want so badly for me to just **_forget_** what Leon did to me. It's. **Not**. That. Fucking. Easy." I said each word with a snarl and put emphasis on each one. I had to get this through to him. 

"I've been wondering how you can just... let it go Sora. You really don't care if Leon is caught or not do you?" Sora choked and closed his eyes. I shook my head and jolted him roughly once. "Answer me!" I demanded. His eyes popped open and he stuttered over his words.

"I... I... don't..." 

I noticed then, for the first time, how enraged I really was at Sora for even slightly ever loving Leon. Even a little bit. How could he let that happen. He'd betrayed me. 

"If he finds us, he'll kill us. Do you realize that!" I was looming over Sora now. He made a pained sound in his throat. I knew what it was from. But I was too far gone to care that I was hurting him. I just... was so tired of him being so helpless. 

"Just a second ago you were trying to fuck my brains out. Now you don't want to. What's wrong?" 

"....stop...." Sora breathed. I pulled back and looked him in the face. I can't even describe how angry hearing him actually tell **me** to **stop** made me. 

"So you'll say it to me." I hissed and tightened my grip on his wrists. He squeaked and shook his head. I chewed my lip. "But you wouldn't say it to him." 

I closed my eyes. Sora's sobs were soft and seemed far away to me. I was even acknowledging the fact that I was hurting him. Emotionally and physically. 

I didn't care at this point.

"You... really did love him didn't you..." I whispered and gave Sora blinked back tears. 

"Riku.." Sora breathed. 

"....you'll never understand..." I said softly and leaned down to Sora's ear and asked.

"Will...will you still love me if rape you?" 

Sora's breath caught in his throat. 

"He hurt me Sora... maybe.. maybe I should show you what he did to me."

I covered Sora's mouth and closed my eyes. 

"I'll give you a reason....."

I'll make you understand.

.... I know why Sora called me Leon in the dream now...

I don't know how long it went on. Sora was making a soft pained sound in his throat. I was spent finally and laid my forehead onto his chest. He heaved in shuddery quick breaths and sniffled every other second. Our bodies were slick and covered in sweat. I'd realized I didn't come one the whole time. I glanced at the clock and noticed it was 4 in the morning. I don't know exactly when our argument started... it was about 2 when Sora woke me up... I panted and pushed myself up off of Sora. He didn't move or try to look at me. He just stared wide eyed at the ceiling. Not really seeing it.

There was a lot of blood. All over the sheets and our pajamas....

Sora's blood. I looked down at myself.... I wasn't sure if this was blood from my wound or from Sora... both.. yeah.

I went into the bathroom and climbed into the shower. The water was painfully hot.. but I didn't have the strength to turn the faucet and cool it down. I watched the blood slip off my skin and swirl pink into the crystal clear water and go down the drain. It was... pretty to me for some sick reason. I was in shock.... from blood loss and from what I'd just done. 

From what I'd done...

And for the first time it was real to me...

Oh my.. God...

I'd done....

Oh.. no...

No.. no.... I'm not like that.... I'm not him....

I sank to the floor and pressed my forehead against the tile wall. Hot tears, somehow cooler then the scorching shower water though, streamed down my cheeks. I felt cold despite the heat and started to shake. The thought of finishing my attempt at suicide now sounded like the smartest thing to do. 

I couldn't live with myself for this.... I didn't have anything or anyone now! I'd hurt... the most important person to me...

Sora...

I'd.. hurt him just like how Leon had hurt me...

I **was **Leon! 

NO!!

I flinched really hard when I felt Sora's cool hand gently make it's way across my back. The water suddenly became cooler and I stopped shaking. Sora was staring down at me, letting the water wash away his blood. I saw the bruises from where I'd gripped his hips marring his pale smooth skin. His wrists had slightly purple circles going all the way around them. I'd done that too...

"You're so pathetic...." Sora whispered and sat down next to me. I bit my lip and kept sobbing silently. He was right. I couldn't argue with him. He'd always been the stronger one. Always. I just couldn't admit it. He stared blankly at me. I couldn't tell if he was mad or not. He reached out and ran his hand through my hair before leaning forward and embracing me. I was too in shock to pull away. I don't know why Sora was forgiving me. I'd just raped him....

"Thank you..." He said softly. I looked up at him in disbelief. 

What... did he just say?

"I understand now." Sora said and smiled slightly at me. "I'm sorry... that I didn't before." 

And he was silent after that. We washed, changed our sheets, and crawled back into bed. I.....felt dazed... I couldn't rationalize anything that had just happened. It was like out of a sick, twisted, horror film. Sora was holding me and he'd fallen dead asleep. It took me a minute but when I finally fell asleep I realized I'd slept the best I'd ever slept in a while. 

And... oddly enough... I didn't have a single nightmare.

-------

Sora

-------

The sun streamed in from the slightly drawn blinds of our bedside window. I opened my eyes slightly felt around. I was alone. I sat up slowly and looked around our room. It was midday and I felt groggy... like I'd slept way to long. I couldn't seem to recall much of last night. It was a big blur. I was sore all over. I remembered... vaguely why. 

"Riku.."

"What?"

I turned to the corner of the room and saw Riku lying on the floor with his pillow. His back was to me. I hobbled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweat pants before I sprawled out next to Riku on the floor. I laid in front of him and started at his face. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be dozing. 

"Why are you on the floor?" I asked. Riku's eyes opened slowly and he stared directly at me. 

"My back hurts..." He whispered. I smiled and scooted closer to him. He didn't flinch away or close his eyes as I kissed him gently on the lips. He didn't kiss back. 

"I'm okay." I told him soothingly. I was. I really was. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to be with Riku. No matter what. If he had to hurt me once in a while to get his point across I didn't mind. All I want... always, is to be with him. And Leon didn't matter anymore. I could barely remember his face. He was a fling. A thing... that simple. I was over him. I just wanted Riku...I need Riku... I needed him like I need air.

"I need help." Riku said softly. I looked away from him for a moment. "I'm sick.... I can't... keep doing this to you.. And you need help too." 

I looked back at Riku and smiled just slightly. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm going away for a while." 

My eyes filled with tears. Somehow... I knew this was coming. And it ripped my heart in two. 

"...I see..." I said in a shaky tone. I couldn't look Riku in the eye anymore. "Will... will you come back....?"

"I don't know.... Do you really want me too?" Riku said. He was getting up now. I didn't have the strength to follow him. 

"Yes." I said without hesitation. Riku didn't say anything back. He started pulling on his clothes. I still didn't get up. When he turned to leave the room I sat up and said. 

"I love you."

Riku had his back to me and seemed frozen in place. I wiped my tears away and steeled my voice with a shuddery breath. I knew he wasn't doing this to hurt me. I had to be strong.

"Sora... when I come back to you..." Riku turned and looked at me. "Will you tell me you love me again?" I smiled and nodded several times and the tears came free besides my control. 

"Yes." I said. Riku smiled just slightly. 

"Then I love you too." 

And he turned and left. I didn't chase him. No hug, no kiss. I'd get those when he came back. There was no reason for him to say goodbye. You only say that, when you aren't coming back. 

I heard the front door close a few moments later.

I wiped my tears away then. 

"See you soon."

****

To be continued.

This.. is a weird chapter. I pushed a lot of stuff back so I could use it in chapter 14 for a reason. I think... too much information was revealed in this chapter. The pacing irritates me. I've tried retyping this several times.... Argg... anyway.. yeah, weird. So, what did you think about Leon's past. I will elaborate more later. Sora is freaking me out. Is he freaking you out? By the way, to anyone that's wondering, Riku did NOT viciously rape Sora the way Leon did to him. I just made it seem like he did from his view. I don't know if it came off right or not. All of the blood by the way, there was only a little. Most of it was Riku's, from his wrist. He's supposed to be so far gone mentally that his mind is just over exaggerating things. That's why he wasn't sure if the blood on him was from Sora or himself. Sora is not ill, Riku is. So is willing to make things work. He loves Riku that much. Hmmm... this chapter is... rather bitter sweet don't you think. 

Heads up--- what's to come.

Riku almost plunges to his untimely death. Seph is his knight in shining armor. Sora's acting even stranger. The house in district 3 mysteriously catches fire and burns to the ground. So much for evidence. Cloud is about to go insane with worry about Sora and Riku's unnatural behavior and asks Seph to do something... mind boggling. Riku goes for a walk and runs into an old friend. Oh yeah... A boys body washes up on the river bank and Sora gets and phone call at 2 am. 

Ah heh... Tired, tired, tired. 


	14. Chapter 14

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

To my readers, sorry for the long wait for chapter 13. I just started college and I've been pretty busy. Plus I wasn't sure how to go about typing the last chapter. I got stuck in a lot of places while I worked on it. Anyway, it's out of the way now. 

Once again I thank all my reviewers. I seriously wouldn't be able to keep writing this without you guy's constant support. And on the topic of reviews, one of my recent ones for chapter 13 stood out to me the most. Heather Christi brought up some really good points about ch. 13. You can find her review in the review section Lol. You'll see what I mean when you read it. **_Heather Christi - _**You were right on the money about Sora and Riku's relationship. I'm glad I managed to depict that well. I hope this chapter clears a few things up as well. By the way, just completely disregard the fact that Sephiroth and Cloud ever had that showdown of fate battle from Kingdom Hearts Final Mix. It's not relevant in this story at all 'kay. And this chapter jumps back and fourth in time a bit. I'll make notes of time changes in these things -----. I hope that doesn't confuse anyone.

Chapter 14

__

What they don't know won't kill them...

Yeah right...

------

Cloud

------

What am I going to tell Riku and Sora? 

How can I even bring it up...?

"Hey Riku, Sora, I know both of you want Leon to burn in Hell for what he did to you, but you gotta understand, he was raped too when he was a kid, so he has a very valid reason for doing it to you. ..." 

Yeah right!

I'd just given them a call and told them the deal on Aeris. She'd be staying with Cid. OH, I cant' wait to hear what he has to say about this whole mess after he sees that news cast from the other day. 

This is driving me crazy. I can't believe it.... Leon... I never would've thought it possible. He's such a cold uncaring jerk... I just thought he was like that because... well... I really didn't have a clue why Leon was so mean and antisocial. I never thought in a million years it could be because he was abused as a child. It's mind boggling to say the least. I guess the thought.. as crazy as this may sound, never crossed my mind that Leon was a child at one time too. He used to be just as helpless and vulnerable as any other person at that age. 

But now.... I did understand something. For once, I understood why Leon was so unwilling to stay in a relationship. He was afraid of falling in love. Afraid of being dependent. All I can assume is that he was madly in love with that Seifer guy. So in love to point that the abuse was just apart of the relationship. I.... could never understand why people stayed in situations like that. I've never been in one myself so I can only guess. But... maybe it's not that don't **want** to get out... it's that they **can't. **Seifer may have been all that Leon had in world. 

All he had...

Leon didn't have anyone...

You know... I tried to be his friend once. I tried to love him. But... I just... even after sleeping together.. it was just sex. Nothing special at all. Not like how it is with me and Seph. I used to feel so bad for not giving Leon a second chance. I feel worse now to tell you the truth. I should have asked him about it. He never talked much... about himself of anyone in his life. But I should have noticed something was wrong. 

I remember.... it was the 6th or 7th time we'd slept together. I wouldn't call the relationship we had anything serious. We were bed buddies, I'll admit to that. Leon was one of those people who didn't fully let himself enjoy anything nice. He was straight forward with sex. He was on top and I was supposed to do what he wanted. It was that simple. He was pretty gentle with me too most of the time. And normally after we'd finished up he'd roll over and go to sleep without saying a word. In the morning he'd get up shower, dress, and leave. Even though it was his house...

But this time was different from the last. Leon turned to me and kissed me so passionately I didn't know how to respond at first. I thought maybe he was just lost in the heat of the moment. Until he pulled back and looked me in the eyes and smiled just slightly. I can't describe just how beautiful Leon's smile is. It made me wonder why he didn't do it more often. And he held me in his arms that night. Held me so tight and close that I could feel his heart beat. I think that was when I started to believe I was falling in love with him. I liked him. I really did. But you can only take so much bullshit from a person...

But... knowing what I do now... I can't blame Leon for the way he treated me. Or anyone else. 

But... something bothers me. What's the deal with Sora? Leon... almost seems like he likes him. But why rape him? Why rape Riku? It didn't make sense. 

Unless... I'm missing something. Sora... never really came out and said Leon raped him like Riku did. I only know from what Aeris told me. And from what she said... it sounded like rape...

But Sora acted like he didn't care... 

So maybe... I think I'm going to have to ask Sora about all of this. Hear his side of the story. This whole time... he only seemed worried about Riku and not himself. Something was up. Something important that I'd over looked...

*flinch*

"You should be resting. It's 3 in the morning." 

Sephiroth ran his soft warm hand down the arch of my back and it sent tingles up my spine. I sighed besides myself and turned to look at him. 

"I know... It's just hard right now. To relax you know." I closed my eyes and thought for a moment. 

"After everything you told Aeris and me last night... I can't seem to make my brain shut down for even a second and figure any of this out." I opened my eyes and gave Seph a pouting expression. "I'm... going to go nuts before this is all over." 

Seph smiled slightly and ran a hand through his shiny silver hair. Seeing him lying there in the blue moonlight streaming in from the window made him look almost ethereal. His skin had this almost ghost like glow and his eyes vibrated with such intensity I found myself staring, unable to blink. Sephiroth really was beautiful. In ways only a 'man' could be. I normally wouldn't use the word 'beauty' while describing a man, but I couldn't think of any other word that summed up just how he looked. 

Seph's face went slack after a moment and he stared up at the ceiling. I could tell I'd made him start thinking about everything that had transpired of the last few hours. He really didn't have to involve himself in all of this. It was my fault that he even knew at all. But he seemed worried, just as much, if not more then I was. 

"...Do you think this will ever be over...?"

I asked softly and turned to lay on my side so I could look directly at Seph. He blinked once and turned to me but he didn't say anything. What could he say? That this would all end on a good note and we'd all live happily ever after. Sephiroth was eyeing me curiously and I sat up and raised an eyebrow. 

"What is it?" I asked a little nervously. 

"You aren't going to tell them are you?" He said. I blew a quick breath through my bangs and snuggled back into my pillow. Sephiroth shook his head and reached out to touch my shoulder with the back of his hand. 

"Don't you think this is just a little too important not to mention to Sora and Riku?" Seph's eyes widened a little as he spoke. "Not to say that telling them about Leon's past will make them forgive him, it just may make them realize he's just as helpless as they are."

I frowned and sat up completely so I could eye Seph with a vicious glare. He **still** sounded like he was defending what Leon did. I couldn't figure out why he would even attempt too though.

"You said it _yourself_ that something was **wrong** with Leon the first time you saw him.... now you know that there really is and you keep coming up with excuses for him." I was starting to get flustered and angry for really no reason. Leave it to Seph to be all analytical about everything. But he could do what I couldn't most of the time. 

Think **rationally**. 

Where as I wanted to find Leon and strangle the living shit out of him, Seph wanted to stop and ask him why he did all of this. 

"Just my luck... falling for a psychologist." 

Yes... Sephiroth was a doctor... sort of. I never really explained just how I met him did I? It's stupid and sounds like it's out of really sappy chick flick. But I met him in the library. I was looking for books on reading your dreams and understanding your thought process and a bunch of other random stuff. We reached for the same book. Seph made a comment about how I seemed like a troubled mind to him. Naturally I thought it was cheap pick up line made to sound good with really big dictionary quality words. Until he started talking about how he felt like I was looking for someone. Someone very important. So important, that I couldn't exist without them. 

My light...

In simple words his guess freaked me out. And for some strange reason I kept talking to him. After about 2 weeks he finally asked me out to dinner. I said yes without a second thought. Sephiroth had not only picked my interests physically, but he'd intrigued me mentally. It' safe to say, we have some very deep thought provoking talks every now and then. It think that's why I'm so stuck on him. He's like brain food. And a bunch of other yummy stuff. Ah heh...

"So you **aren't** going to tell them?" Sephiroth asked again and bit his bottom lip. I frowned again and covered my face. 

"...I haven't decided yet..." That was my final answer for now. It was the best I could do at that moment. In truth.. I didn't know what the hell I was going to do about anything. My thoughts were so jumbled I couldn't grasp onto one of them and sort it out. After a time I snarled and ran my hands through my hair in a frustrated manner. Sephiroth chuckled. 

"How can you be so calm about all of this?" I demanded quietly. How **could** he? It was impossible. Leon had **raped **Sora and Riku, Leon had _attacked_ Aeris, tried to **kill** her, Leon was **still** on the _loose_ and trying to find the boys so he could try to **_kill_** them too....

Calmness level... cracking... cracking... shatter!.... *makes motions with fingers for falling bits of glass* 

"If I start to panic like how you're doing right now, we'll both be unable to sleep tonight." Seph pulled me into a hug and started running his fingers through my hair. I melted into his embrace instantly and felt my worries disappear for a brief moment. 

For a very _sweet_, _gentle_, _tingly_ moment. 

I pulled away for Sephs soft kiss and freed myself of his arms. He looked slightly stunned at my sudden movements and didn't reach out for me. 

"You.. you're trying to change the subject." I accused with a pointed finger.

"Would you relax." He soothed and reached out to me. I was leaning close to edge of the and tilted a bit away from his out stretched hand. 

"Relax?" I squeaked. "How... can you even utter that word at a time like this?" 

"Like this." Seph reached forward and hauled me back to him. He pushed me down onto the bed and straddled my thighs. He took my face into his hands and leaned in to kiss me again. 

"Re-lax." He said softly against my cheek. And then his lips melted into mine. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to float away again. Maybe he was right. What good would I be to Sora and Riku if I burned myself out worrying too much about all of this? Not to say I'm dismissing things altogether, just that I was pushing them aside briefly. I mean, for now Sora and Riku were safe at my apartment on the 6 floor with the alarm system activated. 

Seph pulled away from me and made soft butterfly kisses across my cheeks and neck. I sighed in content and just laid there so he could baby me. 

"Now sleep." He insisted and climbed off of me. He covered us in the blankets and pulled me into an embrace once more. I couldn't help but pout a bit in frustration. 

****

That was it?!!!

Just a _kiss_!!

But... but I thought we'd...

"No Cloud." Seph half yawned. "You won't be blaming me for being tired in the morning." I **knew** very well what he was talking about. And... I guess he was right.... maybe just a little....

Hmm... maybe we could do it in the morning then?

It didn't take me long to fall asleep. 

----------

(morning...er .. midday.)

----------

"I think we should get up now." Seph whispered while nipping at my neck gently. I sighted softly and absently stroked his feather soft hair. When he rolled off of me I couldn't hide my disappointment. But... I could muse in my fuzzy state of mind to myself about what we'd just done. 

Over and _over_ and **_over_** again. 

Ah, that was nice.

"Cloud." 

*glare in Seph's direction*

"Okay.. okay. I'm getting up. Geez" I sat up and untangled my legs from the sheet. "Just... ruined my whole moment..." I mumbled and stood to stretch. Sephiroth was sitting on his side of the bed smoothing his hair down. Need less to say it was sticking up in places from me using it as leverage during out "showdown" in the bed. 

I won!

"Shower." Seph said softly, a bit of laughter on in his tone. I grinned and made my way, naked, to the bathroom. If we took a shower together there was no point in us even getting dressed **at all **today. I wasn't going to let him leave the apartment. We'd already slept.. okay we weren't sleeping, we'd already wasted about 2 hours worth of searching time of Leon's house. And it was already 3 in the afternoon. And at that simple thought my mood instantly fell. 

Fuck.. I really needed to stop playing around now. I didn't wait for Seph and got into the shower. I was just finishing up my hair when he climbed in behind me. I took a puffy breath when I got a peek of his perfect, toned, smooth, hard .. er... muscles, all wet and shiny.... I averted my gaze...

*rinsing hair*

"So where do you want to start?" Came his first question of the day. I paused in my rinsing and frowned. Hmmm, where did one start when searching for **rape** evidence......? 

Yeah, you're just as clueless as I am...

Wait...

"Well.. Riku.. said it happened in Leon's room... but Riku'd dragged the soiled sheets with him to his room afterwards."

I cringed at that. My minds eye made a very vivid picture.

"...Do you think they'd still be there?" Seph inquired and reached past me for the soap. I watched some water run down my chest for a moment. 

"I.. don't know..." Would Leon have thought of any reason to destroy the sheets? He **was **pretty damned smart... For all we know he could have figured out us trying to search for evidence a long time ago. 

Uh oh... 

I turned to Seph and looked up at him wide eyed. He stopped what he was doing and gave me a questioning worried expression.

"What... what if he's.. waiting for us..?" 

The thought just crossed my mind. And... what if Leon had been in the crowd outside of Aeris's house. Hurt or not. It was quite a ruckus after the news reel started. It would have been really easy to miss him in the that mess. People crowded around like someone had been brutally murdered.

Almost... 

If Leon had seen me and Seph there, he now knew we were slightly involved in all of this mess. Aeris's would have had to tell what was really going on in the end. Or we wouldn't have been able to help her. 

"Oh my god... Seph.. Leon.. **he** knows **we** know..." I put my hands on Sephiroths chest and gazed wide eyed and distraughtly up at him. 

"How can you be so sure?" He said softly and put his head under the showers spray. I rubbed water out of my eyes and gaped slightly. Well, I wasn't sure actually. And the way Seph asked it made me think...

... Was.. Maybe I was reading to much into this? I mean... Leon had been seriously injured that night. For... for all I know he could have died from blood loss or something. 

A dark macabre image of Leon lying face down in a puddle of his own blood in some dark secluded alleyway popped into my head. And I gasped and covered my mouth in shock. At that moment... I realized... I **didn't** want Leon dead. After learning what I did the other night... 

Oh god... I **did** feel sorry for him. 

I latched onto Seph and looked him in the eye. He stared down at me questioningly but didn't say anything. 

"We have to find Leon." I suddenly insisted. " I... I want to help him. I want to find out what's wrong." 

I really did now. It was all becoming so clear to me. If Leon was caught by the authorities, he'd be probably sentenced to a life in prison.. or the death penalty. And no one would even know he was sick. He probably didn't even now it himself yet. They'd lock him away in a place with serial killers and serial rapists forever. What would he do... and... with his record, having raped to kids...

They'd... they would **crucify** him in there...

All of these thoughts hit me so hard and so fast I felt dizzy for a moment. Seph hugged me tight and closed his eyes. 

"Now do you understand what I was talking about earlier?" He whispered. I nodded into his chest. 

I did.

I understood. 

I understood so suddenly that I felt tears in my eyes. They were stinging. I looked up at Seph and swallowed hard. I was torn inwardly. So many conflicting thoughts were running through my mind. I felt overwhelmed. This weight, this 50 ton burden had been placed on my shoulders so suddenly. I was responsible. I'd put myself in this position. 

But I wasn't alone...

"Can...we.... just one more time...." I whispered to Seph. He lowered his hands from rinsing his hair over me and raised an eyebrow. His expression was a cross between curiosity and confusion. And I knew he was scolding me inwardly. 

"Cloud... we're behind time as it is. Again? You know that will make.... 7 times in less then 3 hours.... We can't go back to sleep this time." 

Seph was trying to sound serious, but his eyes held a sparkle of amusement in them. I wasn't saying this so we could have another quick romp of sexual pleasure before we had to head out and face the day. I was so serious it wasn't even funny and I didn't laugh. 

"Cloud?" Seph noticed my lack of amusement at the present moment and ran his hand over my shoulder. I got a chill from his touch and looked deep into his eyes. 

"What if.. things are worse then we thought?" I frowned. "What if... something terrible happens... and I can never see you again...?" I looked down and watched the water swirl around my feet. "I just.... need this... one more time before we go out. Just in case something happens. I'm being serious with you." I looked back up at Sephiroth and stepped up to kiss him. 

"Earlier was just for play." I brushed Sephs lips with my own and felt his sigh of pleasure pass over my lips. His eyes closed besides his half hearted attempt to fight against me.

"I **want** it for real **this** time." I rested my back against the shower wall and pulled Seph to me. He put his hands on either side of me to brace his self on the wall. If you could only see how intensely he was gazing at me. Lust was filling his eyes and it was so much stronger then when we were making love earlier. This time around, our love making would be primal and utterly passionate. We'd forget the world for just a moment. It would be just our little world for a blissful moment. 

"You never know...." I half spoke half moaned when Seph finally just gave into his desire and started to kiss his way down my neck and shoulders. His lips mixed with the gently massage of the hot water felt mind numbingly good and I can't even begin to describe how good. I titled my head to the side. " ... This may be the last time we can do this... Be together... see each other... the world's.... (sigh)... such a dangerous place...." 

Seph nodded against my throat and ran his hand through my hair before he hoisted me up onto his waist. I wrapped my legs around him and put my hands on his shoulders. 

This.. this is the first time we've made love in the shower.... Hmm, it's very nice. 

"But it was in that dangerous place, that I met such a wonderful, beautiful person Cloud." Seph gave me a long wet kiss and slide into me. He did it to distract me from the slight pain I felt for a brief moment. Water doesn't make a very good lubricant....

My thoughts disappeared completely once our hips got in sync. I moaned and gasped as loudly as I dared knowing damn well Seph's neighbors could probably hear me. But I just didn't care at the moment. I didn't care about anything right now...

I didn't care...

Just once.... I want to feel like I have nothing to worry about. Just for a moment. And Seph gave me that moment. I felt fuzzy, dizzy, lightheaded, weak, strong. My heart seemed to skip beats every time our hips met in the same place. I couldn't close my mouth enough to calm my moaning and I could barely keep my eyes open. Seph was watching me with half lidded eyes muttering over and over again that he loved me. I knew the words weren't being said empty from him being lost in ecstasy. 

"I love you" **didn't** seem like enough for how much I **knew** Seph loved me. 

He really didn't even have to say it...

"I can die happy after this.." I murmured and pulled Seph into another long slow sloppy kiss. We came together at that moment and I almost struck my head on the shower wall from how fucking **_great_** it felt. My head was saved because Seph had his hand cradling the back of it. My moans cracked from overflowing with emotion and I started to cry. 

Yes.... I started to cry. 

Seph helped me keep my balance as I lowered my legs from his waist. He held me close and rocked me slightly. 

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to be so rough..." He soothed. I shook my head against his chest and pulled back to look at him. 

"No... it's not that... It's just... hard... to come back to reality sometimes you know... The bliss.. is so quick... so short.... too short...." I bit my bottom lip and took a deep breath. It was being doused in bitterly ice cold water when you were all warm and comfortable. It just.... fucked up your whole being you know...

"Yes... it is hard to come back sometimes." Seph kissed my forehead and picked the soap up again. He rubbed in down my shoulders and across my chest in a gentle soothing manner. I noticed that his face looked flushed and his cheeks were slightly pink. He hadn't shaken our orgasm yet either.

"But you have to." I finished and blinked away the last of the salt water in my eyes. 

So..... did I still want to go search for proof that Leon had raped Riku...?

No... in all honesty. I wanted to climb back into Seph's bed and lay with him naked forever....

But I'd be betraying Riku. 

Yes...

I'd promised I'd help.

I'd keep that promise. 

Leon was sick... he... probably didn't even know what he was doing.. or even realized...

Right?...

Oh my god... what am I going to do....

"Let's go see Sora and Riku." Seph suggested softly and started to wash my back. "You can tell them then." 

For some reason I smiled. Maybe... if we just cleared this whole 'Leon was a victim too', deal up, things would get better for the boys. Maybe they could start to forgive and forget.

Maybe...

About 10 minutes later Seph and I were dressed and ready to go. I started to call my place first to give Sora and Riku a heads up that we were on the way and to check up on them. For some strange reason, as I pulled on my gloves, time seemed to slow down. I felt dazed and wiggly. And then it felt like cold water rushed over me and I got a chill. Seph raised an eyebrow.

"What was that all about?" 

I tensed for a moment and shook my head. "I.. have not idea... I just.. got this weird feeling all of a sudden." My mind raced at what my strange actions just now could have meant. There were a multitude of conclusions. 

"I've.. got a bad feeling." I whispered and numbly dialed my apartment. The phone rang 4 times and before anyone picked up. The time in between those four rings felt like a few hours. And I was starting to panic. 

"H..hello..." 

It was Sora... he.. sounded tired. 

"It's me." I started while following Seph out the door. I heard him lock it behind me and we started down the hallway. "Were you sleeping?" I asked softly. The cold winter air struck me hard in the face as Seph held the front door of his apartment complex open for me. I gasped slightly as Sora responded. 

"..y..yeah.." 

I stopped walking suddenly and stared at the concrete. Sephiroth wasn't looking ahead of himself and ran into my back. I heard him mumble a 'sorry'. I stumbled just slightly but kept staring at the ground.

"What's wrong?" I hissed just slightly. And **something **was wrong. I had this sinking gut feeling that was starting to make me feel really ill. Something had happened between last night and now. 

"Sora!" I yelled. Sephiroth paused in opening the driver side door and eyed me with a questioning expression. I gripped the phone. 

"I'm.. fine.. nothing's wrong. I was just asleep." Sora's voice cracked slightly. He tried to hide it but I'd heard it clearly. My heart sank to my knees.

"I don't believe you." I snapped back. "Put Riku on the phone." 

"Why?" 

"Just put him on the phone!" I demanded sharply. There was silence for a moment and then the phone went dead. I heard my cell phone crack from me gripping it so tight. 

"FUCK!" I growled roughly pocketed my phone. Sephiroth frowned. 

"What's wrong?" 

I got inside the car and pulled on my seat belt. Seph started the engine, pulled on his seat belt, and put the car into gear. 

"I.. don't know.." I hissed and crossed my arms. I was shaking. "Sora just.. he just.. he hung up on me." I huffed. I was worried but trying desperately to hide it. Why had Sora just done that? He never acted like that. 

"So call back."

I blinked. "Duh! Cloud...." That's what redial is for. I pulled out my phone and dialed my place again. I got a busy signal. I hung up and dialed again. Another busy signal. 

"Damn!" I spat. Sephiroth shook his head. 

"Maybe he just doesn't feel like talking right now." 

I frowned in Seph's direction. He was watching the road and didn't break his gaze to look at me. 

"Something's wrong, Seph. I can feel it..." I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. " I mean.. Why wouldn't Sora put Riku on the phone?" 

"No idea." 

"Sora was acting so..." 

*ring, ring*

I paused and stared in surprise at my cell phone. For a moment I didn't know what to do. I hadn't expected anyone to call.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Seph said. I swallowed hard for some reason and hit the talk button. 

"Hello?" I whispered. 

"Sorry..." 

It was Sora. 

"Why did you..." I started, but he cut me off. 

"Are you on your way here?" He asked. 

"Yeah! But.."

"I.... have something to tell you....." Sora's voice trailed off and for a moment I thought he'd hung up again.

"Sora!? What do..." 

He cut me off **again**.

"When you get here I'll tell you...."

"Sora, wait, where's Ri...." I tried to ask quickly

"Bye." 

*click*

I hung up my phone and let it drop to the floor. Sephiroth blinked and frowned at my blank expression. 

"Get me to my apartment. Hurry please." I said absently. I felt the car speed up. I was so dazed I couldn't think of anything to ask Seph on the way. 

------

Leon

.....hours earlier.....

------

It took me a long time to open my eyes. I kept seeing red and the world was spinning around me like a top. I felt cold and wet and unhinged. I couldn't remember where I was either. When I could see straight but still blurry outlines of things I looked around. I was on my back lying on the floor in what looked like an abandoned building. I started to sit up and the pain in my head registered so suddenly I keeled over and threw up. 

I noticed there was blood in my vomit. 

I wiped my mouth and got weakly to my hands and knees. I still couldn't figure out where I was or how I'd gotten here. 

Last night... something had happened...

Just trying to remember sent more striking shocks of pain through my head. I took a shuddery breath and ran my fingers through my hair. When they came back soaked with blood I knew something was wrong. I'd been injured... but how... and by who... 

Looking around me I realized it was snowing outside. The dirty windows of.. wherever I was..., allowed me some light inside this other wise dark and dank building. I pushed to my feet and staggered over to what looked like a bed and some blankets. It was slightly warm in this room... so I took off my bomber jacket and laid down. I was starting to feel dizzy and sick again. That little walk from the floor to here had drained me of whatever strength I'd had left. I made a pained sound in my throat and closed my eyes. 

Now... back to how this happened....

I'd.. I remember going to Aeris's house after I'd seen her in the drug store. I'd.. left her a message on her answering machine. What... what had I said...? Don't remember. I'd wanted to ask her something... About... about.. Sora and Riku.. about the boys.. That's right... They'd been missing for a while.

I whimpered slightly. Thinking was staring to hurt very badly. 

I'd gotten to her place... a little after she did I think.... Yes... I knocked and she answered the door. I asked her where Sora and Riku where. She... was acting strange... acting.. scared. 

She was scared. Terrified actually.

Why...?

All I'd asked...

Oh that's right...

She has... I think my old photo album and journal are in those boxes of old newspaper I gave her... I wanted them back. Did I tell her that...? Maybe not...

I reached around absently and blindly looking for the pocket of my jacket. I found it and pulled out a bottle of prescription medicine. That's why I'd been in the drug store. To get my medicine. And I saw Aeris there. 

I squinted at the label, trying to read the print on it through my hazy vision. The name of the pills was about 15 letters long and I couldn't even strain myself enough without get dizzy to try and sound it out. I'd just gotten the pills for the first time tonight. After I'd seen my doctor earlier today. This was my first time taking them. 

What had the doctor said they were for...? My depression... when I get mad... I do things... and then... I can't remember...

I grunted in pain and sat up. My whole body hurt. I think I should go the hospital and get this wound looked at. I still... for the life of me can't figure out how I got it though...

After... I spoke to Aeris...

Something... happened...

She'd mad me upset...

I got frustrated because I didn't know how to ask her for my stuff back. What had I done after that?...

And the images hit me hard. So hard I saw white light afterwards. 

I'd broken down Aeris's front door and chased after her. I'd trapped her in her room and hit her really hard. She started begging me not to hurt her and I pulled a knife out. I stabbed her and cut her face. I don't remember what I said to her.. but she looked so terrified of me. And then... 

I flinched and gritted my teeth...

This pain erupted in the back of my head. Once, twice, three times... there was this boy... 

The same boy from the drug store...

He'd hit me... with something big... And told me he'd called the police....

I ran after that...

I was left gasping wide eyed up at the ceiling from the memory. I'd.. done.. all of that... I don't even... how long ago had it happened? Was Aeris... alright...? Oh my god... I'd tried to kill her... but I don't remember... doing any of that... 

I don't...

What's wrong with me...?

Why can't I remember...?

God.. help me...

What have I done...?

Sora... Riku...

I'd hurt them...

I'd done something... to hurt them...

To make them run away from me...

No...

..get out of my head...

...go away...

__

"You are mine. Forever..."

...No.. please... just go away...

**__**

"Mine."

Leave me alone!

"Heh..."

Seifer...........

And I started to laugh uncontrollably. It was all so fucking hilarious. Shit! I'd **almost **gotten that sweet innocent little bitch. If it hadn't been for her little fuck'toyed hero I would have skinned her alive. God it felt good to scare the shit out of her. 

I winced and got to my feet. I put my meds back in my pocket and pulled on my jacket. It was difficult but I managed to right my equilibrium enough to walk straight. Didn't want to look like I was wasted off my ass now did I? Had to find a place to clean up at. Since Aeris's hero called the **pigs **on me I can't go back to my place. Dumb shits are probably combing the streets looking for me. To bad they're so slow they wouldn't look in the most obvious of places. 

I haphazardly combed my hair back with my fingers and looked around. It looked pretty clear outside. Not to many people out. I pushed open the door of the old Inn in the 2nd district and made may was across the street by staying in the shadows. No one was paying me any mind really. I pulled up my hood to ward of the cold and stuffed my hands in my pockets. I'd had gloves.. but I don't know what happened to them. 

Shit... it's cold out here...

I made a bee line for the "Taco Time" fast food restaurant 3 blocks down. If felt like a long walk and I staggered more then a few times then I'd like to admit and pushed open the door. I dropped my gaze from the cashier and surveillance cameras and went to the men's room. It was one of those small one stall bathrooms that I could lock the door too. The moment I got in and pulled off my hood I heaved into the trash can. It was the closet thing to me...

I wasn't sure why I was puking... Too weak from blood loss maybe... I did feel fatigued and shaky.

Shit... feeling dizzy too... stupid little fucker got me good... 3 times at that.. damn. I should've been more careful. I'll get that little bastard back for this. 

I finished upchucking and hobbled over to the mirror. I gaped at my mirror image. I... looked like shit. Blood had caked and dried to the side of my face and my hair was matted with more of the sticky stuff. I was pale as death and looked like at any moment I'd pass out. I touched a trembling hand gently to the back of my head and almost cried out. OH.. that shit had hurt. My eyes stung for a moment. I'm a grown man... but I was in so much pain right now that crying was getting exceedingly close to happening. 

"Got to.. clean up.." I murmured and looked around the bathroom. There wasn't much in here. Paper towels....

That'll work. I grasped a handful and ran them under some hot water. I cleaned my face and started to bolt my hair free of all the blood. If I could at least get most of it out.... Damn.. this isn't working..... Hmm...

I took off my coat and hung it on the door. My shirt was stained red down the front as well. Thankfully it was black so the blood didn't show much. It **was** wet though. Cursing to myself I lowered my head under the faucets warm spray and rinsed my hair. I let the water run through until it wasn't tinted pink anymore. You know, that stung.. the water on my wound... Then I pulled off my shirt and turned to the automatic hand dryer behind me. For about 5 minutes I just stood there drying my shirt. With that done I went to the task of drying my hair. I was in the bathroom for at least 50 minutes. Surprisingly no one came to use it once the whole time. 

I looked back at myself in the mirror and was a little more pleased with what I saw. My skin had a little more pigment to it now as well. I still felt sick and weak though. Maybe.. I should get something to eat while I'm here. My stomach gave a painful lurch at the thought of greasy tacos and cheese and I instantly changed my mind. It was probably best for me not to hang around here any longer anyway. 

I got a strange stare from the geeky kid standing behind the cash register. He looked like he wanted to say something to me. I sent a quick glare in his direction and watched him squirm for a second. He seemed so startled I'd look his way that he hopped back and bumped into another clerk. His glasses sat lopsided on his face and he looked around nervously. Ha! I never get tired of intimidating people. I hope my hair is dry enough to be going outside now. I pulled up my hood and squared my shoulders before pushing the main door open. The bitter cold air struck me so hard I stumbled back a bit before I could take a step. 

Damn... it's really fucking cold out here. 

Surprisingly there's not a cop or police car in sight. You'd think they'd be on every corner in and lurking in every shadowed area looking for me. But like I said, they're a bunch of dumb mug faced ass's. Let them try to catch me. I'll slit their throats with my....

And I reached for my Gunblade...

Only to grasp cold air. My eye's grew wide and I turned to look behind me, as though I may have dropped my blade somewhere as I walked. That was stupid. Of course I hadn't dropped it. So.. where had I left it then. I.. didn't have it when I went to Aeris's place...

Did I...? 

Hold on... what the hell.... What.. what was I doing before I went to Aeris's house anyway? 

Looking for something...

No.. I was asking about....

Sora and Riku...

*wince*

My head was hurting again. But I wasn't sure if it was from my wound or something else entirely. I kept walking blindly. I knew where I was going. I had to go to my place and see if I'd left my Gunblade behind. I doubt the police were still there now. I was only about 1 or 2 miles from my place when I noticed a squad car hiding, quite conspicuously, on the left side of the street. It was one of those undercover cop cars that looked like a normal civilian vehicle. But I wasn't slow. I'd been in the military for most of my young life. I knew the difference. I had to ignore the pain in my skull for a moment and slink into the back alleys of the neighborhood I was currently in. Every window and blind was closed and drawn, and all the lights where on in everyone's house in seemingly every room. Everyone was paranoid now. Oh one little girl gets attacked and the whole city is on alert. 

Ch.. whateeevvvvv.....

SHIT!

I ground my teeth in frustration and anger when I almost slipped and fell on my ass in some slush that had pooled in a pot hole in alley. I hope... nobody saw that. I'd have laughed if I saw it myself.... That little spill further agitated my pounding head and I was seeing bright bursts of light in front of my vision now. I could barely see the alley. I shook my head and pushed on. Just a few more blocks.. just a few...

I turned the corner outside the alley and my jaw nearly dropped to the ground. My house was surrounded by police. There was caution tape around my front gate and about 6 officers up by my front door. I blinked to unthaw my eyes and sidestepped back into the alley.

Holy.. shit... they were really after me... Damn it...

God... I need to lye down...

Feel like.. I'm going to pass out...

Christ... if they search my place... I wonder what they're looking for. It's not like I have anything of value in there... accept maybe my Gunblade. I need to get it... or at least check and make sure it's not in there still... I took a moment to mentally map out the hallways and doors of my house in my head and decide the best course of infiltration. I could sneak past the police without a problem. ... That is.. if I wasn't hurt the way I was. I could barely see straight as it was... This was going to be.. kind of difficult. 

One of the police officers lingering by my front door spoke into his walky talky. I'm not sure what he said, but to my utter glee all of the police started to get in there cars and leave. WELL, I'll be damned. I smiled beside myself, and regretted it, because it sent a jolt of aching pain through my neck up to my forehead..., and started to make my way to my house through the backyard. I sat in a dark corner of the gate and waited for the last cop to leave. When he did, and I was sure the coast was clear, I walked up to my back door and went inside. 

....I gotta admit.. I thought a few officers where going to be waiting inside with their guns aimed and ready to shoot me down. But there was no sign of anything. Didn't even look like they'd gotten inside my place. I didn't have time to think or look around much to see if they had though, so I made my way to my room. When I flicked on the light it blinded me painfully for a moment. I was in worse shape then I thought if soft light was causing me pain. My blade was sitting on my bed... where I'd left it I guess.... still inside it's case. 

And I had to pause for a moment.

Now... I know for a fucking fact.. I'd taken my Gunblade out of it's case before I left my house earlier. I remember running my finger down the blade.... I.. I think I remember. I felt flushed and had to sit down. Standing there, with no destination at the moment, made my body seem to realize just how exhausted it was. I felt like jell-o from the neck down. My back was tense and achy, and my eyes stung for some unknown reason. I think I'm dying.... or about to loose consciousness anyway...

I was safe...for the most part. It had been almost 48 hours sense they'd put a warrant out for me. Now they'd have to catch based on eye witnesses. Well... I wasn't outside anymore so no one would see me now. Yeah, I knew how this whole search and apprehend thing went. I was a SeeD after all. Man.. that was a long time ago.... funny.. I'm getting kind of nostalgic. 

I remember... being... happy for a while back then. 

I had lain down on my bed without really realizing I had. I felt so good... I couldn't build the strength to get up again or open my now closed eyes. I was so tired.... 

Those were good times...

Back then...

With him....

Squall....

------

.....present....

------

The sun looked like it was about to set in a few hours when I managed to open my eyes. I felt stiff and groggy but rested for the most part. Sitting up alone was taxing and I felt like I'd expended all of my strength just doing it. I stretched a bit and looked around. For a moment... I had no clue where I was or how I'd gotten here...

This again...

I'm... I'm home... in my room. How... how'd I get here? I got up and glanced around. Everything seemed fine. Nothing was placed out of order or anything. But... this was distressing me. I couldn't remember how I'd gotten home. Last thing I know I did... I was laying in the abandoned Inn with a bloody scalp. At that thought I reached back and ran my fingers gently through my hair. There was no blood on my fingers....

Wait... had I dreamed that maybe...? But my head did hurt... where I thought I'd been hurt at...

This was so confusing.... What was going on....? 

Okay... maybe... I'll just take a shower to calm down. That's logical. 

Shower.

I stripped and headed for the bathroom. I noted that Sora and Riku where still gone. I... don't think I ever got around to asking Aeris's if she knew where they were last night. Truth be told, they **weren't **my kids. But I didn't want them on the streets. I felt bad enough as it was that I hadn't noticed earlier that they were gone. 

The shower water felt relaxing across my skin and muscles. And I wanted to curl up on the tub floor and just let the water run over me. I washed my hair and noticed there was no caked blood in it. So maybe.. I really wasn't hurt after all. Or if I was, not bad enough that I bled...

But.. I remember...

Blood all over...

From my head...

It was on Riku...

I gasped and braced myself against the wall. I could only stare wide eyed into space. I'd.... just imagined Riku covered in blood... begging me to stop hurting him... What was this now...? 

Nothing... none of this made sense...

I need to take that medicine I picked up yesterday... er... last night... um... yeah.. last night. After washing up absently I went back to my room and dressed. I took my time and mulled over the many jumbled thoughts in my head. None of them seemed to piece together at all though. I needed to find something to distract myself. Hmm... the news maybe.... wait... what time was it anyway?

I looked at my bedside clock and saw it read 4:50 pm. I'd slept the day away.... The news wouldn't be on at this time. But maybe I could find something to watch on TV anyway. I flicked on the television after I got into the living room and put it on a random channel. I felt hungry so I went to the kitchen to find something. A commercial had just gone off and I heard the music for a 'news special report'. I turned up the TV from the kitchen with the remote to listen. If the news was broadcasting at 5 in the evening... it was some serious shit. I.... wonder what it could be... A murder... a suicide... a famous person committing adultery. Hmm? I listened and jugged a cool glass of water.

"Thjs is Jenny Carson reporting from WCCO channel 7 news. The man hunt continues for 29 year old Squall, also known as Leon, LeonHeart. After coming up short during a routine search of LeonHeart's home last night the authorities have been forced to regroup and scour the city in hopes of finding any signs of his whereabouts. So far police have no leads as to where the attempted murderer/rapist could be hiding. But they say he couldn't have gone far as he received serious wounds during his attack on Aeris Gainsborough 2 nights ago. Police are hoping LeonHeart may have been spotted by a civilian during the night. If so, to please call 911 immediately. As a warning again, do not attempt to apprehend or approach LeonHeart, because he is considered armed and dangerous. That's all for this report. Stay tuned for more updates. Thjs is Jenny Carson reporting from WCCO channel 7. 

The resounding crash of glass on tile broke my shock reprieve. I jumped slightly and glanced around at every window in the kitchen. I was dreaming right? This had to be some sick nightmare... Right...? All of those things she'd said... Murder.. rape... I'd attacked Aeris... I was armed and dangerous. Armed with what... my Gunblade was still in its case. At least.. I **thought** it was... Even so... I'd never attack Aeris... or use my Gunblade on her... I'd **never do **any of those things.... 

I covered my face with both hands and took a shuddery breath. This was all some cruel joke. It had to be....How **could** I have done those things... and not **remember **that I'd done them...? None of this made **any** sense. I must have misheard the news report. I went into the living room and looked at the TV screen. Other news was showing now, but the news update headline bar was flashing. A small photograph was posted there. And I knew what face just as well as I knew how to count. 

It was my face.

It was me. 

And the world seemed to spin out of control and I turned to throw up the water I'd drank. My life had just come to a spiraling and very abrupt halt. Whatever hopes, dreams, and aspirations I ever had, had to be completely forgotten now. I was a convicted criminal. I'd attacked a close friend... and tried violate her... supposedly tried to kill her... 

It was all true.... deep down... in my gut I felt it was.... I felt bad for it being true... but I also felt... I felt happy....?

But I don't **remember** any of this! 

Something told me to run. To get away from here. From this house, this city... this place entirely. I didn't know **where** to go... but I had to leave. **Now**. They'd kill me if they found me. I'd never have a chance to plea innocent. Never...

I didn't have much to begin with. Just some clothes and my Gunblade. I'd never really considered Traverse Town my permanent residence, so I never took the time to really settle in. I felt like I didn't have time to pack clothes or anything so I grabbed my wallet, I could buy new clothes once I got to where ever I was going. I put on my coat, grabbed my blade, and headed for the back door. I was just getting out of it when I heard a really hard knock on the front door. I didn't try to close the back door and headed for the alley. With the sun setting I'd be difficult to spot once I was in the dark alley way. 

****

"LeonHeart! WE know you're inside. Come out with you hands up!" 

I jumped and turned back to look at my house. The police must have completely surrounded the front yard. My hearts was starting to beat unnaturally fast. I couldn't say I was scared. Just worried. I knew what would happen if they caught me. That was **all**. I **wasn't** going to jail until I'd explained my side of the story... whatever that was. And as I stood here and stared at what used to be my meager existence I started to grow slightly sad. I, for the most part, had never done anything to anyone. I just kept to myself. Now here I was being accused of heinous acts against a helpless women. And no one had even thought to ask me what was going on. 

Or why I'd done it. 

It was always... _always_ somehow my fault. 

**__**

Always...

He used to say it all the time. 

__

"I do this because I love you Squall."

"If you'd only do what I tell you to do I wouldn't have to hurt you, Squall." 

"I love you." 

"It's because I love you." 

"I'm sorry....

.... I won't do it again...

I promise..."

Seifer...

__

Squall...

Seifer...

__

"Yes?"

I think... I think we should... I don't want to be with you anymore...

"What'd you mean?"

I mean...

I mean...

IT"S OVER!

It's over...

It's over..

Over...

I have nothing now...

It's all your fault Squall...

I should have just let things be... I never should have _never_ **listened** to that kid...

__

Your fault...

But... he was going to kill me... I just wanted to get away....

__

Your fault...

My hand felt suddenly very hot and I lifted my arm without a conscious thought. The flames started to swirl around my fingers in small wisps, then into full flames that grew and formed into a sphere the size of a beach ball. Ii felt so good to hold that vicious power in my hand at that moment. I wanted to free it. Let it run wild and decimate every single thing, living or otherwise, it its path. If I kept my anger inside I'd blow up. But if I let it out...

__

Everything around me would blow up instead. 

I let the fire ball go. 

The now **_abandoned_** house in district three burst into a million flames in a matter of seconds. I could hear screaming and yelling as police and civilians tried to run from the growing flames. The creaking and dying of the houses old wood reverberated in my head like the screams and sorrowful moans of ghosts and spirits. I'd have nightmares about that sound. Somewhere in the flames where my own cries of despair. The flames were beautiful. I wanted to walk into them and feel their warm embrace. To sink to my knees and be enveloped in its love. To turn to ashes... with my despair.

I wanted to... 

So badly...

But I couldn't. 

So I turned.... and walked away, the house collapsing in my wake....

------

Cloud

------

It seemed like it was taking us entirely too long to get to my house. I hadn't looked up for a very long time. I did finally and noticed how backed up in traffic we were. I looked at Seph and noticed he was trying to see what was holding traffic up. 

"It's rush hour." He said absently to me. I nodded... but still.. something else was up. Traffic was **way **to backed up for it to just be normal rush hour. The sinking feeling in my chest hadn't gone away, but I'd managed to sooth it for a bit while I thought about other things. Like Sora's cryptic little message about having to tell me something. That was bothering me severely. 

"Seph I..." I started and turned to look at my lover. He was staring wide eyed past me, out of my window. I frowned and turned to see what he was looking at. When I did my eyes felt like they'd pop out of my head. 

There were huge, black, dirty, smoke clouds filling the sky. They were rolling and rolling into the orange sunset like a thick swarm of bats. Seph and I got out the car and looked over into the city, we were on the freeway. I could smell the fire and smoke and it made my lungs burn. 

"Oh my god... what's happened...?" I breathed. The cold air was carrying the sent of burnt wood, plastic, melting metal, and.... flesh... I'd know that scent anywhere. People were dying in that fire. 

"Cloud.. that's district 3... **All**... of district 3..." Seph said softly to me. For a moment I didn't understand what he meant. Then realization hit me hard in the chest. I sank to the pavement. District 3, Leon's house, the evidence... 

Oh my God....

Leon... he'd caused the fire. 

"Come on Cloud." Seph pulled me to my feet, I'd sank to the ground without realizing it, and helped me to the car. I crawled in and sat down. Seph pulled my seat belt around me and put his own on before he put the car into gear. I guess.. traffic was moving again. 

"Leon..." I murmured in shock. He'd started the fire.... He'd killed people... Aeris, Sora, Riku..

"Cloud..." Sephiroth said softly and touched my shoulder. I looked at him slowly but didn't say anything. I couldn't **think** of **anything** to say.

"He's.... going after Sora and Riku next..." Seph said softly. I nodded stiffly. This was for **real** this time. Leon had dug his own grave.. he was going to go all the way now. No second thoughts, no regrets it seemed. 

And I was just starting to feel sorry for him....

I'd protect Sora and Riku with my life. Leon would never find them. They were safe at my place. He didn't know where I lived. I'd have Sora and Riku long gone from there by the time he figured out where my place was. 

For now... things were okay. 

I took a deep breath and swallowed before I got out of the car. We'd reached my place in what seemed like seconds and parked. Seph opened my door for me and helped me out. My legs felt week for some reason. 

"Relax." Seph breathed. I nodded and we went to enter the building. The elevator ride was silent and slightly awkward. I could only imagine what Seph was thinking about. Knowing him, and how he thinks, he was probably trying to figure out why Leon had set his house on fire. I don't think Leon would have known we were coming. Maybe he was afraid of the **police** finding evidence of the rapes instead**. Yes! **That had to be it. But why burn the whole house....? If Leon had indeed started the fire... I know he hadn't meant to burn the entire neighborhood down....

I nearly ran to my door when the elevator doors slid open. I went to disarm the alarm system and froze. The little green dial pad that I entered the unlock code in was blinking, saying 'ready'. That meant, the alarm system was **already** off. 

"Oh my god." I hissed and pushed open my door. Further surprise and an even bigger shock was that the door was unlocked. No chain on or anything. 

There is no way Leon could have found my place... or gotten here so fast....

There's just no way!

"Sora!" I yelled and started searching rooms. "Sora!" 

I'd gone to every room in the house and there was no sign of him. My nerves felt like they'd fall out of my body at any given moment. I was so worried I thought I'd faint from mental exhaustion. 

"Cloud." Sephiroth said and turned me to look at the window in the living room. I'd been in such a fuss that I'd completely over looked the living room. No lights were on so I hadn't even noticed Sora sitting, balled up in a blanket, in from of the window. I sighed in relief and sunk to the couch. Seph continued to stand by me and the 3 of sat in silence for a long time. I noticed how dark the sky was outside, not from the night time, but from dark black clouds forming in the sky. 

The fire....

"It's pretty... isn't it...." Sora said softly. His voice sounded almost whimsical. I sat up and leaned forward. That little comment from him unsettled me to no end.

What... the hell?

"Sora, are you alright?" I was trying to keep my voice steady. But in all honesty, I felt like crying. So many things had happened so fast it was just... crashing down on me so quickly. I was at my wits end really. What had I gotten myself into...?

"I'm fine." Sora said and turned to look at me with a curious expression on his face. He looked fine enough and for a moment I believed him. Then I saw this... really weird glint in his eyes. It's a glint you'd see in a crazy persons eyes. 

"I left the door unlocked for you. I was falling asleep again...." Sora said and turned back to stare out the window. I gave Seph a worried glance. He looked at me and just nodded. 

"Sora, that was really dangerous. What if it **hadn't **been me or Seph who came in?" I had to scold him about that. Sora shrugged. "What if? No one but _Sephiroth_ knows where you live right" I didn't like how Sora said that. He was testing me greatly when he made that very true but smart ass remark.

I contained my anger at the moment. 

"Sora..."

I started and licked my lips. How to ask this...? "What... what did you want to tell me? You said you had something to tell me on the phone earlier. Is it...is it about what Leon did?" I felt like I was talking to a 4 year old. Sora didn't look at me and for a moment it didn't seem like he was going to say anything. The suspense was eating at me and I started to fidget. If Sora didn't say something soon I would...

"Leon.. burned down the house..." Sora whispered. He wasn't asking me this. He seemed to just **know**. He turned those haunted eyes back my way and I felt frozen in place. 

"There was no point... all the evidence isn't there anyway..." Sora stood up suddenly and walked over to me. He looked me in the eye and said. 

"I.... had to be sure..." 

His face was so serious when he said that. He sat down next to me and rested his head back on the back rest of the couch. I watched him for a moment, processing this new bit of cryptic information. 

"What do you mean?" I asked frowning. Sure of what? 

"No one knew about it but me." Sora sat up and gazed back out the window. "He used to tell me things. About his past. About what happened to him.... About Seifer, you know, his old boyfriend." 

I tensed. Oh my god.. Sora.... knew about Leon's secret.... I think....

"I hid it you see. So I could be sure. I had to read it to make sure I was right." Sora cleared his throat and stood up. 

Okay... Sora did know about Leon's past...

He glanced down at me for a brief moment before he went and picked up his blanket. He balled up in it and crawled onto the other couch across from me. 

"I know why he went after Aeris. And I'm sorry. It's my fault." 

Seph and I both frowned in confusion. 

"Sora... how is it your fault that Leon..." I started but Sora shook his head. 

"No, it's my fault. I took it from him and hid it. He.. he never looked at it.. and I figured he wouldn't notice it was gone before I could put it back. But then.. all of this started to happen...I never managed to get it back. He went after Aeris because of that. Because of me." 

"What are you talking about Sora?" I said tersely. Even though I knew full well what he meant.

Sora closed his eyes and seemed like he wasn't going to say anything more. 

"His diary." 

I bit my lip and tried to act slightly surprised. 

"You don't have to fake it. I know you saw it. During the news, when they showed Aeris's kitchen. I saw all of the boxes knocked over." Sora looked at Sephiroth and smiled slightly. 

"You found it didn't you?" He asked. Seph nodded without hesitation. Sora smiled at the floor. "So you see. It was my fault Leon went to Aeris's house in the first place. If I'd never hid his diary in the newspaper he wouldn't have gone to look for it." Sora was twirling his fingers rather nervously now.

"I... I lied. I pretended I wanted to start training again so I'd have an excuse to go over Aeris's house all the time. When I **wasn't **practicing I'd sit in the garage and read through the diary. It was **my** idea actually, for Leon to give Aeris the old newspapers in the first place. He was going to throw them out. I just needed some time... I took his diary about a week before all of this bad stuff happened and hid it in the newspapers. I helped Aeris move the boxes to her house. They'd been in the garage the whole time. I guess... Aeris moved them into her house after a while." 

I stood up suddenly and stared down in shock at Sora. Hearing him say all of this. Hearing him admit it only further perplexed me. I still.... didn't know why he'd done it in the first place. But.... it was all starting to come together. This was making some very creepy and fucked up sense. All of this right under my nose and I never even noticed. 

"Sora. Tell me why exactly, did you want to read Leon's diary."   


Sora chewed his bottom lip and frowned. 

"Why...?" He whispered. I swallowed. Dreading the answer. Knowing now what I did about Leon's past.. and knowing Sora... 

Oh... god in heaven...

"I wanted to know why such a beautiful person, with such a kind heart could be so cold. I wanted to know what had had happened to him to make him hate being close to anyone. I felt sorry for him at first, but then... I wanted to be with him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to like me.... I know about his past Cloud. That's why I didn't mind. That's why I never said no.... It was okay in the end. I'd been happy enough in my life. He deserved to be content for once...."

My eyes grew wide. 

"I... loved him I guess... For a moment" 

My voice cracked. And I couldn't say a word. So.... I was right. Sora.. had **never **considered Leon having raped him from the start. That's why it didn't bother him. In his mind Leon hadn't done anything to hurt him. Sora felt so sorry for Leon that he didn't even care about his own well being. He gave his innocence over to a broken man out of pure love. Out of simply wanting to see him smile. 

And Leon had abused Sora's blind love. And then he hurt the one Sora truly loved. 

*Gasp*

I covered my mouth. Oh shit.. **why** didn't I see it before.... Oh my freaking GOD!

Leon's in **_LOVE_** with Sora....

That's why he raped Riku!!

To scare him away from Sora.....

And also... because it happened to him too. 

Riku... Riku...

"Where is Riku anyway? I... I have to tell him this." I said quickly. I couldn't express how damn good it felt to finally have some understanding of this whole big fucked up mess. I felt like I'd just solved the mystery of the century. 

"Sora, where is Riku?" I asked again and walked over to him. Sora shrugged and my mood fell instantly. 

No... no... just when... NO!

"He's gone." 

I heard Seph cough slightly and mutter oh shit under his breath. 

"...I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What now?" I said in a soft but frustrated voice. Sora sighed and rolled his eyes.

"He's **_gone_**. As in, he packed his clothes, took his wallet and left."

Okay, to hell with hiding my frustration. 

"He WHAT!? WHY?! I told you guys to stay here!" I wasn't trying to yell directly at Sora. I wanted to yell at Riku though. What the fuck was he thinking. Didn't he know what Leon was out there looking for him. 

"Where did he say...." 

"He didn't." Sora cut me off and crossed his arms. I realized that he was being smart. He was upset, scared and worried. I sighed heavily and sat down next to my distraught 'adopted' little brother and pulled him into a hug. 

"Sora.. what happened? I thought Riku was okay?" Great going Cloud. Just yell at the kid even though none of this was his fault. I knew that bad feeling was trying to tell me something. Even after I saw the fire it didn't go away. It was because of Riku leaving. 

"He said he needed help. That he had to get away from me so he wouldn't hurt me anymore." 

I glanced at Seph and noticed he'd sat down to listen to our conversation. He shook his head at me, telling me he wasn't going to intervene. 

"What do you mean _anymore_? Riku's... hurt you before...?" 

Life just didn't get any better did it....

"Just once. We had a fight. We yelled and screamed. But that's what couples do... They argue sometimes..."

I thought about that. It **was** true. Seph and I hadn't yet. I hope we never did....

"He hit me... but that was my fault. He was upset about me telling Aeris about Leon first and for me not telling him until after he was raped. I said something horrible to him. I deserved it. It's fine." Sora glared at me. "And **don't** say it **isn't**. It's over and done with. Riku's apologized a hundred times over for it okay."   


I wouldn't ask again. There was only so much I could control about Sora and Riku's relationship. If Sora was over Riku hitting him.... then okay. But if I ever see it....

"..Go on..." I pushed. Sora shivered and his face scrunched up in pain. 

"I'm worried... but relived that Riku wants to get help. I realized I couldn't help him in anyway because I don't feel Leon raped me. He **did **rape Riku. I know that. And I feel so **bad** about that. It's my fault. But... I'm just so tired Cloud..." Sora covered his face with his hands. 

"I just seemed to make things worse by trying to make Riku forget about it... I felt separated from him... even if he was 2 feet from me. I was helpless to do anything to help him cope... And I rubbed it in his face how weak he was for trying to kill himself....." 

I sprung up like a jack in the box. My voice caught in my throat for a moment. 

"Kill... suicide... how... what did he do...?" I gasped. 'Oh my god' was running through my mind. I don't know why I say that so much... I'm not a religious person... But God... if you're real... please please let Riku be okay. I don't know.... hit him with a gust of wind, strike him with a jolt of lightning! Something! Anything! Just please let him be okay!

Please...

"He tried to slit his wrist the other night. He felt bad for hitting me and after we had sex he snuck off to the bathroom while I was asleep." 

I blinked. So... let me get this straight. Riku and Sora had a fight. They yell, Sora says something mean, Riku hits him, they have sex, Riku feels bad and tries to kill himself....? 

And **I** thought **_I_** was fucked up....

....Sora and Riku have sex? .... In my apartment...? Should I be worried that 2 minors are indulging like that? 

*Lifts eyebrow*

This is some talk show shit right here...

"He chickened out. I told him he was trying to cowardly find a way to escape reality. He was so mad at me. But I was right. It's okay though. Riku admitted to it. He wants to get better. So....." 

Sora rubbed his face and forced a pained smile. "...So I let him go... I didn't want to discourage him." Sora looked slightly pleased with himself. I couldn't think of the proper way to get it across to him that Leon was still out there looking for him and Riku.

"Why did you let him go alone?" I pulled at my hair and Seph finally intervened. He pulled my fingers free of my hair and told me to calm down. I growled.

"Sora..... do you know Riku's going to panic if he meets up with Leon on the streets. He's terrified of him. After the rape, what he did to you, what he did to Aeris. Sora... he's in danger. I can't believe you.... Man!" 

I went limp in Seph's arms and stared blindly out the window. The sun had set and I could see the black clouds looming over district 3 were starting to thin. It seemed that the fire was getting tamed. 

Those poor people. If they didn't loose their lives... they lost their homes....

"I'll go look for Riku. Cloud, you stay here okay." 

Seph let me go and headed for the door. My eyes widened and I chased after him.

"You'll what!? What the fuck? Seph... you can't... not alone... I'll..."

"No Cloud. I'll be fine by myself. Leon smaller then me. If I have to... hurt him I will. But you need to stay here with Sora...." Seph leaned into whisper to me, his tone so serious it sent frightened chills down my spine. 

"He's **acting** all nonchalant about Riku leaving, but he's **_just_** as suicidal as Riku is. You _need_ to keep an eye on him. I have a feeling.... he'll be way more extreme about how he takes himself out. Like pitching himself out of that window maybe..." 

I choked and realized to my extreme horror that the window Sora sat by did indeed open...and we were on the 17th floor of the apartment building. 

"Riku's only been gone since the last time you spoke to him last night right. He's safe so far. I know this because Leon wouldn't have been so extreme in destroying his house if he'd already found and gotten rid of Riku. I'll call you when I find him." 

I gaped at Sephiroth and watched him head for the door again. 

"Wait." I called slightly. Seph looked over his shoulder. 

"The more time I waste starting my search the less chance I have of finding Riku alive. What's wrong?" He was getting agitated. He was just a worried as I was. 

"I have a favor to ask you." I stepped forward and put my hands over his heart. He eyed me questioningly. 

"You love me right? So much the words are insignificant?"

Seph answered yes without a second of hesitation and put his hands around my waist. 

"Then do this for me. I know you don't like getting your work and personal life mixed together but just.... do this okay." I chewed my lip. I can't believe about to tell my boyfriend to do this. 

"Don't bring Riku home when you find him." 

Seph frowned but let me continue before he asked why.

"Take him to your place." 

Seph's eyes widened. 

"Just for tonight.... or until he's ready. I want to keep him and Sora separate for a bit. But that's not all. Seph... Riku likes you. I can see it in his eyes when you come around. If you can, if you don't mind sharing your love just once, love him when you find him. If you're willing not matter what it takes."

I'm going to regret saying that.... I know I am.... I'd just told Seph to sleep with a 17 year old if he had too... 

I went on... and my voice shook at how horrible I was starting to feel about asking Seph to do this. 

"Sh... Show him that it's okay to love someone. T... that not everyone is after him to hurt him. He feels used and dirty.... And... and I.... I _know_ **exactly** how he feels. I just need you to do this... because I can't...."

I really can't help him can I...? 

I pursed my lips and kissed Seph on the cheek before I pushed him out the door. He looked over his shoulder with a horrified expression. He was asking me silently was I out of my mind. I smiled and blew a kiss his way. He caught it and put it in this pocket. Before I closed the door I whispered.

"Riku doesn't like me the way he likes you." 

*click*

I waited until I couldn't hear Seph's foot steps anymore and went back into the living room. Sora was curled up on the couch sleeping contently. I went sat next to him and stroked his hair. He really was a cute sweet kid. He did deserve to be happy and safe. After everything he's gone through. The deal with the Heartless, being used, loosing Riku..

It.... must've been hard on the little guy...

I heard Sora whimper and leaned in to watch him. His eyes were closed in a relaxed sleeping manner and tears were streaming down his face. I wrapped my arm around him and rocked him slightly. He tries to be so tough and brave while he's awake and in front of everyone. 

*sniff* "Riku...." 

It's okay Sora. We'll find him. 

I promise you that.

--------

Sephiroth

--------

If I were an emotionally frustrated 17 year old that just experienced the shock of his life where would I be? Well, it's cold, dark, and everyone on the streets is leering at me like a hungry monster, so I'm going to try and find somewhere that's lit and crowded.... and warm. 

The mall. 

I don't know why that was the first thought to come to my mind. Being a psychologist had it's odd points. I was always catching myself **thinking** like my patients. But this situation didn't require and degree in human psychology. It was obvious. Riku was at his wits end now. He just had to get away. Not permanently, but just for a little while to sort his thoughts and feelings out. I know it bothers him that Sora finds nothing wrong with what Leon did to him. It perplexes me too. Sora's and new case to say the least. I think it's just his nature to always want people to be pleased by what he does. If the person ends up happy then he can life with whatever pain he experienced during the time. 

He's... a weird kid... Weird as in... I wouldn't do the things he does if I was in this situation. Riku's the one making more sense to me. Or maybe... it's because I can relate to some extent. Always being the leader or always being in charge. It makes you feel like you aren't allowed to just break every once in a while. You can't feel helpless or sad. You'll look weak if you do...

Yes... I can relate to Riku quite well. 

But.... I was feeling a little nervous about finding him now. After what Cloud had just asked me to do. Shock of my life. I'm 26.... I've seen and been through many mind altering things in my life.... but to get asked by my boyfriend to 'love' Riku, or sleep with him... I think I'm going to have nightmares about this for a **long **time. I doubt it will come to that though. I know Riku likes me. I'm not blind. But I don't think he'll do anything about it. Considering the state of mind he's in when I find him though.... there's no telling.

I was about to enter the parking lot to the mall and just glanced absently to my left. I hit the brakes and looked very surprised in the direction of the city bridge that was only about 20-30 feet away. This bridge was just to the side of the train that led into Downtown Traverse. The **only** way besides the bridge into Travers Downtown. It was a sheer drop about 40 feet down if you fell. The river ran under it. I had good vision I suppose, or it was the moonlight playing tricks on me maybe. But there he was standing really close to the place no railings were and he was looking down into the pitch black water. 

Well, I'd found Riku. 

In record time too. Not even 45 minutes. 

I got out my car after I parked and walked the rest of the way to the bridge. I looked around and noted the lack of any other people near by. Strange considering this is the nice part of town. But then again, their is an armed and dangerous serial rapist/attempted murderer on the loose. 

Wasn't a gun law passed a few months ago? You would think people would be a little braver. You know, what to protect their sons and daughters...

Hmph...

I tried to stay quiet while I walked up behind Riku. I didn't want to startle him, have him loose his balance and fall to his untimely death. What would I say to Cloud...? But I didn't want to seem like I was sneaking up on him either. I didn't know the state of mind he was in. He might panic and really jump if I try to stop him from doing so. I paused and frowned. 

Okay.... so I am I going to get close enough to talk to him without endangering his life...?

"Riku." I called as softly as I could. I'll just get his attention. 

To my surprise he didn't jump, flinch, or seem surprised. That made me feel a little more confident about walking up to him and I took a few steps. Riku's silvery hair blew in the wind and into his face but he didn't move to brush it aside... or move at all to do anything. Like turn to _look_ at me.

"What's it been...?" Riku said softly. His voice carried on the cold wind right into my face. "Not even 24 hours and Big Brother Cloud has you out searching for me?"

Big Brother Cloud? Hmm... interesting. 

"He's just worried about your safety. And no, he didn't send me after you." I smiled slightly at Riku's back. "I volunteered." 

That made him turn around. He had this barely hidden look of surprise on his face that made me want to smile harder. One because he was blushing, and two because for the once he didn't have anything to say except....

"Why?" He turned fully around but made no attempt to get away from the bridges edge. I noticed his backpack sitting at his feet. It look pretty empty though. 

"You want a **reason **why I came to find you? Uh huh. Can't you just say thank you? Cloud's worried about you." I was testing Riku. It was true he was a really handsome kid, but he had this attitude that really made me sneer at him. He... was ungrateful to say the least. I never told Cloud I felt like this about Riku for one reason. I hadn't known the boy long enough to know if he was like that all the time. But first impressions have a lasting affect. 

Riku glared at me. "No I **won't** say thank you because I **didn't** ask you to come and look for me. I didn't ask you or Cloud to worry about me." He looked at his feet and his hair fell into his eyes. I blinked for a moment and felt dizzy....

Riku... looks a **lot** like me when I was his age... 

Whoa....

He kind of acts the way I used as well.....

"You heard the news right?" I took a small step forward. Riku didn't look up. 

"Yeah.... so what?" He muttered.

"Leon's on the loose, he's coming to kill you and Sora. Probably you mostly. He even burned his house and half of the 3rd district down." I took another step and had to brush my hair out my face from the wind whipping it around like a spiders web. 

"And?" Riku said softly. His voice shook. He hadn't known about the fire. I rolled my eyes. 

"You aren't scared? He's going to kill if he finds you. And he will find if you stay out here like this." 

Riku shook slightly and I went on alert. He was still really close to the edge of the bridge. I'd better quite while I'm ahead. 

"Riku, you want help right? It doesn't have to be like this You don't have to run away. Sora, Cloud, Aeris, all of your friends are worried about you. I'm worried to, and I barely know you. What I do know is that you're a good person. You deserve better then this." 

Riku's macho persona was just an act. He was just a timid and helpless as Sora. 

****

"What do _you_ now about what I deserve?! You don't even fucking _know_ me! What makes you think I'm a good person? Do you know what I did to Sora when all he was trying to do was help me?! I hit him and raped him. I'm _no_ better then Leon! I deserve shit! Don't look at me look at me like that! I'm worthless and you know it!"

Riku took a breath and coughed. I shook my head. 

"I thought I didn't **know** _anything _about you. So how can I **know** you're worthless?"

Riku gave a quick sob and covered his face with his shaky hands. 

"J... just leave me alone okay. I need some time to myself... I just.... want... God... I don't know what I want...."

"To die?" I asked softly and rather sadly. He was so young.... thinking of things like that. 

Riku looked up and I saw how shiny his eyes were. He was on the verge of crying. Aw... I didn't **want** to make him cry....

"No..." He whispered. "I'm... not going to jump. I just needed to clear my head. I told, I promised Sora I wouldn't attempt suicide again. That's why I left. So I could get help...

"You will die if you stay on the edge of that bridge or out here. Leon could have easily come up and pushed you..." I had to just point that out for Riku. He gave me a startled expression, realizing it was very true what I'd said. 

"Sora's worried about you Riku. He's trying to stay optimistic about you getting help and coming back. But I can see how sorrowful he is that you're gone. He feels like he failed you." 

Riku closed his eyes and a few tears leaked down his cheeks. 

"I don't now why he keeps... tell him to stop worrying about me... God... I don't understand how he can love me when I've hurt so much..."

"Love is a very powerful thing. As cliche as that may sound. I mean... it got you this far. You're still alive... at the moment." 

Riku gave a bitter laugh. I finally walked up so we were standing barely 4 feet apart. Riku was up a little higher then me. 

"Riku, we're here. Sora, Cloud, Aeris, and me..... I know you and I have only known each other for... barely 4 days... but sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger...." I reached out with my right hand to Riku. He stared at it for a long time. I could see the internal conflict being fought behind his eyes.

Should I take this mans hand? Can he help? Maybe he can. What if he can't? Can I trust him?... 

"I'm not your responsibility.... Why are you doing this..? 

Riku reached out just slightly to me. I smiled. 

"Because I can. And because no body did it for me." 

Riku took my hand. 

"I don't want to go back yet. To Clouds place. I can't... confront Sora just yet..." 

I nodded and grabbed Riku's bag and lead him to my car. I'm so glad I didn't have to drag him to it with him kicking and screaming. Imagine how that would have looked to any onlookers. 

"I'll take you to my place for a while. But after 2 days, call Sora and tell him you're alright okay." I unlocked the car doors and Riku and I got in. We didn't talk on the drive to my apartment and by the time we got there he was fast asleep. I carried him to up my place and put him in one of my shirts. I noticed the dirty bandage on his arm and changed it after cleaning his wound. He was... really close to succeeding in killing himself with that razor blade. Riku was really pale and kind of to thin. It was odd... changing his clothes with him dead asleep like that. Hmmm... His clothes were wet and cold and I'm surprised he was showing signs of being sick yet. In the morning maybe if he didn't wake up half way through the night. 

*sigh* It's been a long day. I guess I'm on the couch. I don't want him waking up thinking I did anything to him. He probably won't even remember how he got her in the morning.

I guess... I'll take a shower now. 

-------

Leon

-------

4 hours to put that fire out. No telling how many people died in it. Whatever. Doesn't matter to me either way. No one cares about me so why should I worry about them. The fire had made a very good distraction. The police were so busy trying to evacuate people from district 3 that they had no time to look for me. I was back inside the old abandoned Inn in district 2 listening to all of the noise outside. Fire trucks, ambulances, police cars, kept wiring past the building. None of them ever stopped. 

They'd never find me...

I chanced a peek out the window and noticed people on the streets. I couldn't hear any talking over the blaring sirens. The crowds were big and everyone looked scared. It was funny. I was so close to them, they were so terrified of me, and they didn't even dare to search the Inn. I could probably kill half the people in the crowd and the police wouldn't notice until the rest of the crowd left and they could see the bodies. 

Beautiful!

I'm a bastard I know. But this was all so fucking fun. 

I started to laugh softly at my own wicked thoughts and looked out the window again. I stopped abruptly and eyed a person closet to the Inn from my window. This person looked so familiar.... who the hell was that...

A boy...

I knew him...

Oh yeah...

What was his name...? Damn... don't remember. You'd think the little cock sucker wouldn't be stupid enough to be outside knowing I'm on the loose. Dumb little shit. Oh well, saves me the trouble of hunting him down. Yup.

I got up then and grabbed my Gunblade. I took the back way out of the Inn and came out in an alley not far from the chaos up front. I could sneak around and grab the little fucker really quick and easily. 

Heh.... heheheheheh... blood was going to be spilled tonight. 

Lots of it.

------

Riku

------

Had I jumped and died and gone to Heaven? 

I was so comfortable and warm and fuzzy feeling right now that it was hard for me to open my eyes. Where was I? How'd I get here? Who's... shirt is this...?

I sat up quickly and looked around. I didn't recognize anything in this room and I felt like I'd start hyperventilating at any moment. I just had to get my bearings straight. I wasn't in danger... I knew... but where the hell was I. I couldn't find the energy to climb out of this huge insanely comfortable bed I was in. It was like being on clouds. I looked around again and saw the time. Only 10:23 pm huh? I'd barely been gone from Cloud's place a day. I'd never been in or seen the inside of Clouds room so I assumed this was it. So Sephiroth had taken me back. 

I thought he was on my side. 

Sephiroth....

Oh my god....

I sat up again and looked around really carefully this time. I could smell his cologne on the blankets, in my hair, and on the shirt I wore. This was in no way Cloud's house or his bedroom. 

"So..." 

I froze and looked to my right. There he was, standing there, steam from the bathroom out behind him, naked from the waist up, only a towel hiding his assets, and that silky silver hair plastered to his shoulders. Sephiroth. 

He looked like a Greek God to me at that moment. Zeus didn't have shit on him.

"You're finally awake." he said. 

I couldn't think of anything to say. 

****

To be continued as always. 

I feel better this time around and I'm very happy with this chapter. 42 pages for you guys this time. This chapter was getting so long I was thinking of breaking it into two parts. I know it's getting good but I had to cut it off here. The rest will be revealed in the next chapter. I should be able to wrap up IC in 20 chapters. If it takes more then so be it. I love writing it anyway. I found it rather interesting that people still have no sympathy for Leon even after learning about his past. I want to give him a big hug! *snigger* So what did you guys think of Leon's little point of view? Pretty trippy huh? It was hard and really creepy trying to get into his head and think like that. Are you guys confused? If so then GOOD! Everything is coming along exactly as I planned. For anyone that can guess what's going on with him though, I'll make you a walk in character for chapter 16 during the police station scene, for real this time. I'll be checking reviews. Oh yeah, wasn't Cloud and Seph's sex scene **hot**?! I had fun writing that one. And does everyone just Love Seph. I will be writing from his perspective more in the next few chapters. Hahahahaha, he has to do naughty stuff with Riku... maybe... And last but not least... Is anyone angry with Sora? If you think about it, this is kind of his fault. Messing with peoples shit. See, being nosy is a bad thing. *sigh* Poor babies. Things will get worse before they get better.... oh... you guys are going to be mad at me about the ending. 

Leaves room for a sequel!

I'll try to be quick with ch. 15. Luv you all! 


	15. Chapter 15

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

I found it no one wants me to end IC in 20 chapters. I feel so loved. You guys really like my story. So this chapter is full of lots of character development. We get to see some intimate interaction between Riku and Seph mostly. Plus what's been going on with Leon hmm? Oh and you guys, my reviewers, are so sharp! I think almost all of the reviews I got for chapter 14 figured out what was up with Leon. It's pretty much revealed in this chapter too. Don't scroll down and try to find out either. Read Read, or you'll miss the yummy scenes of Seph and Riku. It's hard to decide who to give the cameo to in chapter 16. I may have to push it back to ch. 17 instead now. But the reviews are in dated order and I know who figured it out first. So many of you guys had such good theory's. Dude... I should just do a picture for the first place guesser and give the cameo to the 2nd and 3rd. How's that sound? It's more fair that way somehow you know. Oh well, onto the story. 

--------

Chapter 15

What do you do with trash?

You get rid of it...

What do you do with filth?

You get rid of it...

And what do you do to tainted flesh...?

Get rid of it....

------

Sephiroth

------

He had the same awe struck expression on his face from the first time he saw me. His cheeks had shifted between so many shades of red I couldn't name each tint. He looked so shocked to see me standing there in nothing but a towel, so shocked, that he couldn't turn away or avert his gaze. 

"I didn't expect you to be up so soon."

I said but stayed rooted in my spot by the door. I didn't want to scare Riku. I could only imagine what was going through his mind. Maybe he didn't mind me standing here, nearly naked, but if I came into the room he might start freaking out... thinking about Leon. But it was strange. Riku didn't seem afraid or nervous. Just a little shy. This was different and a little unexpected. I'd have to see what he'd do next to really know what mind frame he was in right now. 

"I'll get you something to eat once I'm dressed. Just give me a few minutes okay." I didn't wait for the boy to say anything. His glazed unblinking expression was making me feel, I hate to admit, uncomfortable. I walked across the hall back to the bathroom and closed the door so I could dress. I took longer then I'd said because I was lost in thought. I really didn't know what to do next. Like I said before, I don't mix my work with my personal life. Cloud wanted me to... analyze Riku's current state and help him. This was far far different having him here in my home, in my bed, and knowing that he liked me. I never had to be so intimately close to a patient before. But should I classify Riku as a 'patient'. He is a friend of Clouds. So I guess that makes him my friend. 

....None of this sounds even the slightest bit sane in my head you know....

I can't believe Cloud put me in this situation. And you know what... I pretty much agreed to do it...

How far would this really go?

Riku was a straight forward kind of kid. I could tell just by how brash he was towards me at the bridge. So if he harbored feelings for me.. _would_ he do anything about it? Hmm, better question is.... what will **I** do if he tries something?

I sighed heavily and left the bathroom with my towel around my shoulders. My hair was still really wet and I absently ran my fingers through it while I walked into the room. The head of my bed is the first thing I can see when I walk in. I didn't see Riku on the bed at all. 

"Riku?" I said softly. Thinking maybe he'd left the room to explore my apartment. His silver haired head popped up from the other side of the bed and he looked almost meekly at me. 

"Yeah..?" He whispered. I smiled. He looked cute doing that, peeking out at me I went to sit on the bed. I frowned in curiosity at him for a moment.

"Why are you on the floor?" I asked and peeked farther over the bed to look at Riku. He shrank away from me and tried to crawl to the other side. I raised an eyebrow....

Okay... this was different. 

"Hiding from you..." Riku said softly. I blinked quickly a few times before I laughed. 

"And why, exactly, are you hiding from me?" I'm not sure just what kind of game Riku was playing, but I'd follow along and see where it went. He was acting very differently then from how he was on the bridge that's for sure. 

"I don't know. Something to do I guess." His voice trailed from over the side of the bed. He sounded kind of down. "Your carpet's soft." 

I laughed softly. Is this how Riku acts when he's with Sora? He was acting like a little kid. Then again... he probably never gets to show this side of himself. He's really not **allowed** to be a kid anymore. He was sort of forced to grow up fast to adapt to his current living situation. He's been through so much in such a short time. He's taking care of himself and Sora. He's very responsible now that I think about it. He took it upon himself to **try **and settle the issues with Leon. He's stubborn that way it seems. Doesn't like asking for help in the slightest. 

"Can I take a shower?" Riku suddenly asked and climbed slowly up onto the bed. I turned to look at him and smiled. 

"Sure. I'll get you some towels. Bathrooms down the hall." 

Riku just nodded and proceeded to follow me out of the room. I went to the linen closet a got a set of towel for Riku to use and handed them to him. 

"Hmm… I don't know if you'll like the soap I use. It's not scented or anything." I said absently to Riku. He made a face. 

"…That's fine. I don't want to smell like flowers or anything." He said softly and turned for the bathroom. I sighed heavily once he'd closed the door. I noticed he didn't lock it. That may seem like an insignificant thing to notice right now. But considering Riku was alone in a strange mans house, and he didn't lock the door could only mean two things. 

Riku either trusts me very much. Or he's just very foolish.

Not that I'm going to try anything. I want Riku to make the first move. Whatever that may be. I really hope he just decides to talk about his rape instead of trying something crazy. But I wasn't going to think about that now. I had to find something for Riku to eat. 

What… do 17 year old boys eat?

Hmm…. Well, when I was that age I ate… cereal. I ate it almost all of the time actually. That is until I got into the military. I really missed corn flakes after that. But I don't think that'll be suitable for Riku right now. I couldn't really tell if he'd eaten at all today. Probably not.. He did look a little under nourished. It **_had_** to be from his depression. I remember Cloud telling me he had to force Riku to eat sometimes. Would he eat now if I asked him to?

This shouldn't be this difficult should it?

Canned soup. This will work. 

I pulled down the moderately sized can of chicken noodle soup from the overhead cabinet. I wondered vaguely when had I bought canned soup. Must have been Cloud's doing.

You know. He can' t cook to save his life. That's why he's always suggesting we have dinner at my place. So **I** can cook for **him**.

Brat.

I pulled out a pot and the can opener and proceeded to cook Riku's soup. The boy had just turned off the shower faucet when his soup came to a boil. I added some pepper and herbs to the soup to rid if of the out of the can flavor I'm sure it had. Riku was coming out of the bathroom just as I was finishing putting his soup in a bowl to carry to my room.

Normally I'd make him sit at the kitchen table and eat. **I** didn't even eat in my own room. I suppose I'll be nice just once and let Riku enjoy the luxury of dinner in bed.

Riku was dressed and patting his hair dry by the time I walked into the room. He gave me a sidelong glance before averting his eyes from me. I shrugged and sat down his dinner.

"Soup and crackers okay?" I asked and sat down a distance from Riku on the bed. I noticed he'd found another one of my shirts to put on after his bath.

"I didn't have anything else." Riku said softly, his tone slightly apologetic. I shook my head to dismiss his forgiving words. I didn't care if he wore my clothes. It's just fabric after all. I was really only staring because I'd noticed how big my clothes where on him. Riku's…. much to small for his age.

"What?" Riku whispered and gave me a weary glare. Hmmm…. I could only imagine how crazed I must have looked staring blankly at him like that just now. I was slowly screwing this whole 'help Riku get over his rape' mission up.

"I'm sorry. I blanked out for a moment. That's all." I apologized quickly. I didn't, above all else, want to give Riku the wrong idea. I couldn't have him thinking I was after him or anything.

"Soups fine. Thank you." Riku said softly and crawled behind me to get to his food. I passed him the soup bowl so he wouldn't spill on himself or my bed and he put a napkin across his lap. And for about 5 or 6 minutes he ate in silence and I just started out the window.

Riku slurped his soup rather loudly one time and I turned to look at him. He was coughing slightly. 

"Ack…. *cough* went… down… the wrong…*cough* …tube…" He chocked. I chuckled slightly and passed him his glass of water while patting his back. He drank just enough to calm his coughing. 

"Better now?" I asked and sat his water glass back on the nightstand. Riku shook his head. I noticed how flushed and red his cheeks had become. How embarrassing that must have been? 

"Take your time." I soothed and went back to staring out of the window. Riku finished eating a short time later.

"Are you full? I can make you more if you're still hungry."

Riku looked like he wanted to say yes that he was still hungry. But something made him say otherwise. Maybe he thought he'd be rude asking for more. He didn't seem to know what to say so I answered for him.

"I'll make some more soup a little later okay." 

Riku seemed content with that notion and went silent. He stared across the room for a few unblinking moments before I noticed him dozing off. He'd sunk back into the pillows and blanket again. 

"Good night Riku." I whispered and pulled the blanket up over him. He woke up startled at my voice and gave me a strange look. 

"What?" He said quickly. I smiled and shook my head. 

"You were falling asleep. I just said goodnight."

"Oh…." Riku looked around dazed for a second as he laid back down. "Go.. good night then." He said. I think he fell asleep before his head hit the pillow. 

Hmph, good night? More like good morning. It was almost 4 am. 

To the couch I go then…

*sigh*

I couldn't have been asleep for more then 2 hours or so. I kept hearing this soft but gradually growing whimper coming from the other room. I was groggy from only having slept a short time and it took me a minute to wake up. I stared around absently, trying to figure out where I was and remembered I had to sleep in the couch. There was soft blue light coming in the window behind me so I assumed it was starting to get light out now. I sat up and groaned. Ung... my back ached already. I was much to young to be grunting when I sat up. This brought back memories of my days in the military. I can't complain really though. A couch is much better then a cot or the ground. Still not as nice as bed though. 

I shook my head and smoothed my hair behind my ears and tried to pinpoint the source of the soft breathy whimpers. I walked halfway up the hallway to my room and listened. 

"...no... get away from me... no... don't..." 

It was Riku. 

He was having a nightmare. It wasn't hard to figure out what he was dreaming about. But now here comes the hard part. Should I wake Riku up?

The most logical answer was **yes**. 

But I don't know how he'll act if I jolt him out of his sleep. 

And considering how intense his dream seems to be... he may think I'm Leon trying to attack him. 

"Riku." I whispered. I was going to try to avoid touching him if I could. "Riku." I said a little louder. He groaned and his face scrunched up in pain. He made a chocking sound in his throat and I had to recoil for a moment. The way he was acting..... it was rather horrifying...

He was dreaming about his rape...

And **acting** it out in his sleep...

Riku arched his back and screamed at the top of his lungs. I hadn't been expecting him to do that and it startled me. I covered my ears and took a step back. It was like watching someone possessed by a demon. Riku's head thrashed back and fourth and I noticed tears leaking from his tightly closed eyes. He was suffering that horrible abuse all over again... 

But... I couldn't bring myself to wake him up. 

I don't... know why... but I wanted to see... it... 

I was intrigued... as a doctor.... and... so I could...

...Er... not like that... I just... I'd always... 

Er... never mind...

"Riku.... wake up." I said again and started to reach out to just shake him awake. I couldn't stand to hear him in pain anymore. I paused though and frowned. Riku was cradling his lower abdomen. I wonder if he still felt any pain there from the rape. I know... from what Sora had told us, that he never went to the hospital after his rape. He could have internal scaring. 

"....please... don't..." Riku breathed shakily. He rolled over slightly, almost like he was trying to get away from his attacker and I saw the blood for the first time all over the sheets. I got a sudden rush of pain to my head at the sight and I felt really dizzy. I groaned and absently gripped **_my_** abdomen. 

*wince* ...Bad memories...

I shook my head and stared at the floor. On the sheets... Where had the blood come from...? There was no way Riku was still bleeding from his rape....

I had to think **really** hard on this for a moment. 

Wait...

I looked up and racked my vision over Riku's shivering frame and noticed the bloody bandage around his wrist. I rubbed a trembling hand over my face and sighed. 

His... **wrist** was bleeding... that was all. 

I looked at my hands and realized I was trembling. I was starting to feel very ill all of a sudden. This whole intense moment was far to disturbing. It was like watching one of **my** bad memory come to life. Riku looked so much like me... I just kept seeing back to when I was in the military... 

Of all the times to start re-envisioning my past... 

I suppose you'd like to know what I'm taking about....

......

They all thought I was so pretty...

...I must have been... 15.... 

I cut my hair up to the nape of my neck so they'd stop pulling it during drills. I was smaller then most of the to other troops when I was 15. Surprise, surprise. I used to get picked on about everything. The words never really bothered me... up until some of other troops started making crude sexual comments about me.

The military is a very evil and cruel place...

There's a lot of horrible things that goes on there...

I went experienced a lot of them...

I had the skill and the power to advance up the ranks quicker and more efficiently then any of the other rookies there. But none of the Captains would recommend me for SOLDIER status. They told me they had to break me. That I hadn't witnessed true corruption yet...

I was never allowed to fight them back. Or I'd be punished. 

There were 3 of them the first time. They held my arms down and gagged me. They called it **_hazing_** of the new recruits. 

They'd lured me out into the woods surrounding the camp... they were upper ranking grunts so I had to listen to them no matter what. I had no clue where I was and they attacked me. I fought back at first, and was almost winning. One of them kicked me in the base of my spine and I was paralyzed. I collapsed and that's when they took advantage of me. I didn't beg them to stop. I wouldn't give them the pleasure of seeing me at their mercy. So I took it. After about 4 times between the 3 of them I lost consciousness. They dumped cold water on me to wake me up and then they left me. Beaten, raped, and bloody. Need less to say the walk back to my bunk was pure Hell. My clothes were so ripped and bloody I just buried them in some odd place in the woods. 

I was so sore the next day I could barely stand let _alone_ walk. Sitting down didn't help much either. I kept loosing my footing and staggering. I tried to hide my pain from others and keep a straight face. There were a few times during breaks that I'd go into a dark deserted area of the training grounds and cry from being in so much pain. I almost overdosed on aspirin. I'd taken them to numb the pain in my back, abdomen, and... yeah there.... It helped a little but I was only 15 and far to young to be taking aspirin. At least so much one after the other. After about 12 of them, taken every 2 hours I think, I started to feel tired and really faint. When my vision started to blur I got scared and forced myself to throw up to get some of the drug out of my system. I passed out behind my dorm and was out for about 5 hours. No one even seemed to notice..... 

The same boys that had raped me shoved me around for the next few days afterwards. They knew I was in pain and did it anyway. I wanted to fight them back but I knew they'd all just gang up on me and beat the hell out of me. So I took it.... What was worse... was that I knew my squads Captain knew about what had been done to me. He made me run 20 laps around the training pit. That's a **mile** and **half, ** _20_ times.... 

I only managed to do 16...

I had to do push ups after that. 300 of them.

I only _barely_ managed to do 210.

I kept falling behind every one else. I couldn't even keep up with the troops that normally did very poorly during drills. 

The military is **_against_** homosexuality. They practically bash gays in there. Women, besides nurses, really weren't allowed in. But the military literally invokes sexual abuse of the younger male troops. Especially the ones with pretty faces. I was still to young too really **know** I liked boys but I was getting the feeling that I did. My Captain seemed to know this. And what was worse was that I knew it wasn't just me that was suffering this degradation and abuse. There were other boys. They were just to terrified to say anything. I became friends with one of them. You could say he was my first love. 

His name was Zack. 

I really did love him....

He was the only person who'd really talk to me. I was a pretty cold antisocial kid back then. But somehow Zack managed to break the ice and warm me over. He was always smiling. No matter what. He was 2 years younger then me. He'd lied on his entrance papers, saying he was 14, when in fact he'd barely been 13 for 3 months. 

I ran in on him being raped once by one our squads Lieutenants. The older man didn't see me but Zack did. 

Zack said **no** so many times. 

So **_many_** times. 

But Lieutenant Walker, that was his name, Jason Walker, the bastard, he threatened Zack by saying he'd put up pictures of him having sex with some of the other troops. That let me know that this instant wasn't the first time Zack had been raped. 

I cried sitting there, helpless, and listening to Zack's pained cries for hours and hours on end. I wanted to leave so I couldn't hear his pained cries anymore... but I was afraid if I left Walker would somehow kill Zack. He kept begging Walker to slow down, or to be more gentle. He even said once he'd stay longer if Walker wouldn't be so rough.

13 years old...

But now I see why the other boys just gave into being defiled. 

Black mail...

They couldn't suffer the shame and embarrassment. And what was worse was that the older troops raping those boys would get _off_ clean for their crimes.

When Zack came back to the barracks _that_ night. He gave me slight grin and put his index finger to his lips. 

Shhhh....

He'd said... 

He hobbled to his bed and passed out. I didn't ask or mention anything about his sexual abuse after that. He never said anything about it either.

I remember one day the Captain of my squad wanted to see me in his office. He told me there were rumors of my being the 'Drill squad 24 whore.' That was name of my drill group. The Drill Squad 24. I almost threw up after hearing him describe some of the rumors. I couldn't believe things like that where being passed around like that about me. What was _worse_ was that **_some_** of them were true. I tried to explain that I was forced into those things. I **didn't** want to do them. I couldn't fight back against 6 and 7 boys twice my size. 

They would have killed me.....

My Captain seemed to care less how much I'd suffered. He told me if he heard about it again he'd have me suspended until the new drill quarter starts. That would be 6 months from that day. He went on to tell me that **I** was a poor student, I was just barely passing my general education classes with C's and D's. That my drill scores had fallen so horribly that I probably wouldn't even be allowed to take the final test. 

That was impossible. 

It was true that I was always tired and sore. Even so I never let myself fall behind. I mean, I was always getting bullied... and molested by the older troops. I was to the point that I was getting up 2 hours early just to avoid having to shower with the other troops. But I know I wasn't failing that bad. 

I told my Captain I didn't believe him. 

He back handed me and told me if I ever talked to him like that again I'll be discharged. I bowed my head and submitted to him. He was my Captain. I had no choice but to do as he said.

Then.... he propositioned me. 

I **never** agreed.

I was **forced **to say yes. 

If I let him fuck me on a regular basis he'd let me move up in the ranks as fast as I wanted to. I told him **no** without a second thought. That I could advance on my own. Then he told me he'd make sure I stayed a grunt for the rest of my life if I didn't do what he wanted. I was to the point where I didn't care. I'd rather die then let him touch me. 

He pulled out a black box and sat some pictures down for me to look at....

Pictures of me...

Really... X rated pictures of me....

I had no idea how he'd gotten them. Or when they'd been taken.

I thought that was all. But I was wrong. 

He had _video_ tapes of me. 

Of _me_ and _Zack_ having sex.

He threatened to show them to Military Board and have me dishonorably discharged for the rest of my life for fornicating with a fellow soldier. Then he'd have me put in juvenile jail for statuary rape.

Because Zack was only 13.

For the next year I was at his mercy. It got to the point where he wouldn't even let me attempt to take any of the written tests. I was always called to his office to do them 'orally'. Any drill tests or _physical_ fitness exams where done _after_ hours in his apartment. 

Needless to say.... I'd become his whore. And he bragged about it. I wasn't allowed to talk to or see Zack at all. I had to ignore him when he managed to track me down. 

One very long year. 

I'd finally grown up. 

I was 6'1 by the time I was about to turn 17. I was so evil towards everyone that all I had to do was look at a person and they'd scramble to get out of my way. I was to the point that I hated everyone and thing around me. I'd grown my hair out again, past my waist, and anyone that touched it ended up with a broken jaw. I'd finally gotten my revenge on the kids that had raped me almost 2 years ago. I actually.. well accidentally killed one of them. He.... hit his head on a rock when he fell. Instant death. I felt no remorse of regrets towards his death either. 

It was 6 months before my 18th birthday. I'd been shipped across the ocean to another continent to train. I was a 3rd class SOLDIER at this point. Last I'd heard, Zack was 4th class. I hadn't seen him in almost 2 years now. But I was to far gone to care. I just knew I had to get the hell out of that place. Once I made SOLDIER first class no one could fuck with me. Then, I'd be General. 

I ran into some of the troops that used to pick on me when I was a kid. They were guards for the company I worked for. Hmph. That's all they'd managed to achieve? To be low level guard dogs. I didn't say anything to them. I didn't care anymore. But as I passed by them one of them made a comment about the past coming back to haunt me. I didn't understand it at first. Then later that day I was called to my boss's office. I saw for the first time in almost 2 years, the man that had destroyed my child hood. 

I was being dishonorably discharged for cheating my way up the ranks. My 24th squad Captain, **now** a General, was going to loose his job to me. So he claimed that I'd _seduced _him into helping me gain rank by sleeping with him. What was worse was that there was no record of me taking the **_real _**entrance exams to denounce his claim. 

I was **fucked** to say the least. I was told to get my personal belongings and be gone from the bases premises by 6 pm that night. If I wasn't I'd be thrown in jail for trespassing. 

I left without a word and went to gather my things. I saw Zack again for the first time after nearly 2 years. 

He was still the same. He'd gotten promoted to SOLDIER 3rd class that very day. I wanted to congratulate him but I was just to upset. He managed to talk me into telling him what was wrong. He kissed me and ran off suddenly. To this day I still can't believe it happened. I just know that very same night I was promoted to Generals Rank. 

It was 5:59 pm. 

I was the youngest, 17 years old, General in history. 

I found out later that Zack and a few other boys had come forward and told what had happened to them during their time in the military. They had proof of the rapes too. All the photos and video tapes. And Zack, he'd found the files containing my exams and entrances tests. The 24th squad Captain was fired, dishonorably discharged, and sent to prison for 25 to life without bail for rape and sexual assault in the first degree. 

I wanted to laugh so hard that day. It was all just to viciously ironic. I'd gotten my way in the end. I just remember.... after that.... It took me a long time to just be a nice person again. I was so angry about..., about everything. I hated the world and could never figure out why....

It... was a long hard road...

...It's... been a long time since I thought about all of that....

The memories... **_still_** bother me...

I blinked a few times and shook my head to clear my thoughts.

I hadn't noticed Riku was staring wide eyed at me. For how long I'm not sure. I'd been so lost in thought I hadn't noticed he'd stopped sobbing and fighting the sheets. He gave me surprised but extremely accusing look. I snatched my hand away from my abdomen and tried to hide my discomfort. It was on my face though I know. 

...God... I'm sweating...

"Are... are you okay..?" I asked. My voice sounded broken and I was slightly out of breath. Oh... this must look so fucked up from Riku's point of view.

"You were watching me?" He squeaked. He was trying to crawl to the other side of the bed away from me. "You..!" He started. I took a shuddery breath and held up my hand. I had to look at the floor though. What ever had just happened to me, having those brief flash backs, was bothering me to no end. I felt scared from the first time since I was a child. 

Really scared. 

But I had to calm Riku.

"No.. no.. You were having a nightmare. I was trying to wake you up.. but..." 

"**But** you decided to **_jerk off _**watching me wither instead!" Riku accused and jumped out of the bed. He backed away from me until his back pressed into the wall. 

"I _trusted_ you..." He whispered.

"And you still can." I said and steadied my voice but kept staring at the floor. "Seeing you like that just brought back some bad memories of mine.... that's all..." 

Please don't ask _what_ bad memories Riku. Please don't.

"You...? Memories?" Riku started. His expression was curious and surprised. His berating glare now gone. I sighed in frustration and closed my eyes. 

"Look... it's **_nothing_**." I had to put extreme emphasis on that. I didn't feel like divulging any details about my past right now. I had a hard time thinking about them as it was... Saying them out loud was another feat altogether. 

"Are you alright?" I asked again. Riku just started at me without blinking for a long time before he nodded a stiff yes.

"You're wrist is bleeding." I said absently, finally looking up, but not into Riku's eyes. I started to remove the soiled sheets from my bed. "Go clean up." ....Nng.... my voice just cracked.... 

I guess I should have been a little more caring about Riku's current state. He'd just woken up from a bitter nightmare to find me short of breath and nearly bent over him. It must have been horrifying for him to see me like that. I hadn't been doing anything wrong. But Riku didn't know that. And he accused me of doing sinister things while I watched him. Somehow.. I'd known he would think those things too. Riku didn't seem too convinced about what I'd said either. But... I was feeling weak and tired so I didn't really care what he thought at the moment. I knew I was innocent of any crimes. 

"Go clean up and put on some fresh bandages before you bleed to death." I half hissed half whispered. Riku walked past me slowly, his pale teal eyes watching me so hard I could almost feel them boring into my back. When his shadow receded out of the door way I went back to the task at hand. I sighed and tossed the last of the bloodied sheets to the floor. I stared absently at the mattress's surface. No blood had soaked through to it.

I ran a shaky hand through my hair and yawned beside myself. It was light out now and I squinted at the pale, but for some reason, really bright light of daybreak. I could hear water running in the bathroom and picked up the soiled sheets to toss them into the laundry room. I'd wash them later. I had to check on Riku first. 

"Did the bleeding stop?" I asked softly from outside the bathroom door way. I didn't peek in to see what Riku was doing though. The water from the faucet just kept running for a moment.

"I'm...." Riku started and shut of the sinks spray. I was leaning heavily against the wall, dozing. I shook my head and forced myself to listen to Riku's soft voice. He had a very lulling voice.

"I'm sorry. For accusing you of that back there." There was another moment of silence and I heard the soft brush of fabric against skin. Riku was reapplying a fresh bandage. 

"I... was just so freaked out to see you standing there.... I swear... I thought you were Le.." Riku sniffed and gave a bitter laugh. "I mean... I just thought it was **him **.... I thought...."

"Don't worry about it." I said cutting him off. I didn't feel like hearing him apologize again. He didn't have to. I should have woken him up sooner. I was the one in the wrong. 

Riku went silent again and I finally looked into the bathroom. He met my eyes in the mirror over the sink and just watched me. I yawned again and noticed it was getting harder and harder for me to stop doing it. I rubbed the water from my eyes. 

"The bleeding stopped." Riku whispered and turned around to look at me. 

"Sorry about your sheets. I'll replace them." 

I wobbled and leaned against the door frame. I **was**... really tired. Riku didn't seem to be though. It's kind of strange. Everything that just happened. Riku's nightmare, my bad memories. They all only happened moments ago.... yet.... they feel like they happened last month or last year.... Funny how quickly things can just pass isn't it....?

"What..." I frowned. "Replace them..?" I started and shook my head again to clear the blurry forms passing in my vision. "Oh... no it's alright.... it's not your fault." I said after a second or two. Riku wanted to replace the sheets because the blood wouldn't come out. It never came out of anything. 

Ever...

"I'll just toss them. It's no big...*yawn*...deal really." I said and turned to leave the bathroom. I forced myself to get new sheets from the linen closet and reassemble my bed for Riku. He helped as best he could in the task. He almost seemed to be enjoying helping me make my bed. **I** was almost falling over I was so exhausted. 

"Sephiroth..." Riku breathed. I'd sat down on the edge of the bed without really realizing it. Before I knew it I was curled up on my side dead asleep. I do remember feeling Riku melt into my back before everything went blank. 

------

Cloud

------

Have you ever slept really deeply and for many hours but wake up and still feel really tired? 

Yeah?

That's how I feel right now. I'm cold too. 

I shiver as a chill ran down my back and pulled my blankets tighter around me. I was already wrapped in them like a caterpillar in a cocoon. The sky was that pale dawn blue-ish color you hate waking up to when you have to get ready for school. Yeah, it was that early in the morning. Sora groaned and balled up tighter under me and tried to press closer into my stomach. He was sleeping really deeply. I had a feeling he'd be really groggy when he woke up too...

What time is it anyway...

6:45a.m...

Why the hell am I up this early?

With that thought I huffed and flopped back down into my pillows and put my arms around Sora to leech more heat off of him. He didn't even flinch. I have to say. It was kind of nice resting with someone so petite, soft, and warm. It was different from being with Seph too. Where as, I felt all safe and cozy with him snuggled up behind me, with Sora I felt all protective and rather motherly. I wonder if this is how Seph felt about me when we slept together. I was smaller then him after all. 

I bet Riku feels like this too. Like he can never really rest easy. That he always has to be on edge to keep Sora safe. 

But I'm not so much as on edge... just alert. I feel like I'm protecting my son, or little brother. This paternity urge had kicked into high gear ever since I'd taken Riku and Sora in. I was always worried about them. But I'd just never taken the time to really **_ask_** them what was going on in their lives. The **last** thing I wanted to do was smother them. They were old enough to be independent. 

But maybe I should have done something much earlier...

Hmm...

Maybe all of this could have been avoided if I had...

I wonder...

....To tired to really dwell on that right now...

Maybe I should get up...

But I'm so comfortable.

Mmmm, this would be way cooler if Seph were here and I could just turn around and... Mmmm.... *hint, hint*

Oh my god!! Seph!

I sprang up suddenly and reached across Sora to get the phone. I shoved him rather roughly when I did it too. I hadn't meant to... Amazingly he didn't even twitch from his restful sleep.

I huffed an aggravated sigh and swept my hair out my face. Fucking hell... I'd totally forgotten. Shit! How could I be so careless. Seph went out to look for Riku and I had almost forgotten about it. Stupid, stupid, stupid..

Ah heh... please don't think poorly of me. I love Seph, I really do... I just get... distracted and loose all sense of reality, space, and time sometimes. That's all....

*dies* I'm... a terrible boyfriend.... *wines* 

*_bring, bring, bring_*

Why isn't he answering his cell phone...? 

I pulled the phone away and stared at it for a moment. I could still hear the soft ring from the receiver. Sometimes I imagine the phone being a little itty bitty person that's purposely keeping my calls from getting through. And that annoying as all hell little ring from the receiver is them laughing at me. That's when I get the urge to **strangle** the living shit out of that little person with numbered buttons on it. Arg! 

Damn... it's too early in the morning....

*click*

I hung up and dialed Seph's **house**. I should have done that in the first place I guess. I mean... he couldn't really still be out looking for Riku could he? He said he'd call if he found Riku. I know I'd told him not to bring Riku back to my place though. So..., what the hell then? 

My eye's widened when I heard the phone get picked up on the other end. For a moment it was silent then I heard Seph's voice in the background.

"Ask who it is..." 

????

".... Are you sure?...." Came a muffled but very soft voice. My heart beat picked up for some reason. 

"...*yawn* Y..yeah..." *rustle, rustle* *grunt*. "Mmm... just say 'hello'..." It was Seph again.

"What should I say if they ask for you?" 

"...That I'm asleep..." *yawn* "It's only Cloud anyway..." 

I perked up in delight. My hopes suddenly lifted. So Seph **had** found Riku then...? At least... I think that's Riku's voice. IT had **BETTER** be Riku's voice. Then a thought hit me. Wait a minute. What the fuck...? Seph only had **one **phone... the one in his room. On the nightstand by his bed.

His **bed**!

"Hey!" I hissed into the phone. I was **very **awake now.

"He...hello?" Came Riku's meek voice. He still sounded half asleep. 

"It's Cloud." I said a little less forcefully. The hiss was still in my tone though. 

"...uh... Hi... You wanna talk to Seph...iroth.."

I glared across the room and gripped the phone. The little piece of plastic creaked under in my fist. I don't know why, but hearing Riku **almost** utter Seph's nick name, the nick name I'd given him, made my blood boil. 

"Yes I'd like to speak to him." I said slowly. My teeth scraped each other rather painfully when I spoke. 

"Cloud wants to talk to you." Riku said. His voice sounded far away so I assumed he'd lowered the phone from his mouth. 

"What does he want?" Seph mumbled. 

I bristled. **WHAT! **The fuck!

"He says what do you want" Riku repeated lazily back to me.

I bit my tongue to keep a stream of curses I had ready from escaping my mouth. This.... whole scenario may have been funny any other time but it for damn sure wasn't now. I was pissed beyond reasoning. At myself for giving Seph that crappy idea for helping Riku. It was back firing in my face already. And for Riku running off in the **_first_** place. If he had just kept his ass here I would have **never** had to suggest such a utterly wicked idea to my boyfriend in the **first **place.

"Riku! Why the fuck did you run off!" 

You know what. I was tired of being nice and keeping my thoughts in check. It was payback time. Riku was either shocked or scared because he didn't say anything back for a moment. 

"Riku, Cloud says why the fuck did you fun off?"

It was Seph on the phone now. My anger just... seeped away like water down the drain. I heard Riku stuttering in the background. 

"He says he's sorry. Now _what _do you want? I was sleeping." Sephiroth said drowsily. He did sound really tired. And for a moment I felt bad for waking him. For a very, barely a minute, moment. 

"Why didn't you call me last night and tell me you'd **found **Riku." I asked in a reprimanding tone. Seph knew better. He could have left a message or something. I'd been worried out of my mind for nothing. 

"Because I told you I'd call only if I **hadn't** found him. No call means he's safe and sound. Right?" 

I simmered and forced myself to lye back down. Sora yawned once but didn't wake up. I glanced at him briefly as I spoke. 

"**Your** logic is _fucked_ you know that. I was worried okay." 

"I know. But now you can stop worrying. Riku's fine. He's clean, he's eaten and slept. All is well in **his** little world. Now if you'd be so kind as to let **me** go back to sleep now I'd be more then happy to continue this joyous conversation later." 

Man, if looks could kill Seph would have died 6 times by now from the way I was glaring at the ceiling. He could really push my buttons sometimes. 

"That's not funny. Stop kidding around." I scowled. 

"I'm not." Seph sighed. He sounded like he was getting tired of me. Oh no!

"Seph... look.. I'm sorry. I just..." I scratched my head and rolled onto my side and closed my eyes. "Thanks for finding Riku and taking care of him." 

That should bring this conversation to a decent end. 

"Anything for you love. Now go back to sleep. It's to damn early for us to be bickering." 

I agreed. 

"I love you." I whispered and opened my eyes. I jumped just slightly when I saw Sora staring at me through very awake and aware eyes. I had to sit up for a moment. 

"Love you too." Seph said back. I could hear him shifting around. 

"I'll call back later okay." I said and kept watching Sora. He was just giving me this haunted expression that told me he'd over heard the whole phone conversation. 

Oh.. shit..

"Yeah.. sounds good.... Night." Seph said and he hung up. I turned off the phone and sat it down in my lap. I felt odd and really hollow for some reason. 

"Riku's alright?" Sora asked softly and pulled the comforter up to his chin. His eyes drooped again which told me he really hadn't been as awake as I'd thought. I smiled. 

"Yeah. Seph found him. Just like he said he would." I Leaned down and kissed Sora's forehead. I don't know why I did it..., it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Sora's eyes went really wide from the kiss too.

"Is he coming home today?" He asked in a child like voice. I pursed my lips and looked away from Sora's piercing gaze. I couldn't lie to him. I'd told Seph **not** to, no matter **what**, to bring Riku home **just **yet. It was far to soon for him to be seeing Sora anyway. Even though he'd been gone barely a day.... I bet to Sora it felt like forever.... I hate that feeling. 

"Not today." I finally said and rubbed the back of my neck. Sora didn't say anything after that and he just rolled over. After a minute or so I heard him breathing deeply again. He'd fallen back into a deep sleep. I had a feeling this was going to be a day spent in bed doing nothing but resting. I was tired, Sora was exhausted. And so were Seph and Riku. I didn't know what was going to happen next. And for a while. Nothing really did. 

-------

Riku

-------

I'd been staying with Sephiroth for about 6 days now. I can't say things had changed much in this time. I just lounged around most of the day. I wasn't allowed to touch the phone to call Cloud's house and talk to Sora. I wasn't allowed to leave the apartment. Sephiroth had given in and bought a futon for me to sleep on in the guest room since he didn't have an extra bed. I guess he wanted his bed back. He didn't talk much to me either unless I spoke to him first. I wonder if he's like this with Cloud. There were a lot of things I wanted to ask him... some of them so I could just see what he'd say. But he only had short yes of no answers for me most of the time. I don't know why but all of a sudden he was being really cold to me. 

We were in the living room, me sprawled across the couch. Sephiroth was sitting at his labtop clicking away at the keyboard doing some odd thing or other. I gave him a side long glance from my comfortable position and found myself sighing. I was so bored. I got up and found some paper and a pen and started doodling and sketching random things over it. I noticed quite irritably that my scribbles looked like stick figure Sora's and paopu fruits. I had Sora on the brain. This went on for minutes, then hours. With an irritated sight I finally got up to watch TV and amazingly there was nothing on even worth my time. So much for trying to force myself not to think about depressing stuff. I'd promised myself to just and forget about all of the terrible things that had happened recently. I wasn't doing so well either. 

"You know." Sephiroth started without turning to look at me. He had my full attention. I didn't care what he was about to say. Just hearing him talk was great.

"One of those video game system things is under the entertainment center." 

I frowned and eyed the black pull out wall across the room. You should **see** it. Seph has this huge flat screen big screen TV with a VCR/DVD/CD player and a dobly digital surround sound set up. The speakers are built into the wall they are so big. When the entertainment center is closed it just looks like a flat wall. You press this blue button nearby it and it slides slowly and silently out. It's fucking crucial. Seph has so many CD's and movies it was like being in a video store. But.. even that lost it luster after a while. I'd spent the last few days watching movies. 

"A what?" I said slowly. I really... hadn't understood what Seph was trying to say. He kept typing and turned to look at me. I felt my eyes grow large as I watched his hands moving without him even looking at the keyboard to see what he was typing. That... was so amazing to me. I can't do it... not that fast anyway...

"You don't play video games?" He asked absently. I understood now. Wait.

"**You **play video games?" I asked and crawled over to him. He watched me silently and shook his head slightly. 

"No." He sighed. "It's Cloud's." Seph turned back to the computer. He glanced across the screen for a moment then scowled and started hitting the delete button over and over again. I stood up on my knees so I could see what was on his computer screen. Whatever he was doing was far more interesting then some video game right now. 

"What're you typing?" I asked softly and tried to read the screen. For some reason I couldn't see what was on it. It looked black from where I was. I squinted and tried to adjust my view. 

"None of your business." Seph scolded and gave me a smirk. I smiled slightly. 

"Writing a love note to Cloud?" I insisted. Sephiroth chuckled and hit a button on the keyboard. The little machine went silent. I blinked. 

"Maybe." He said and pushed out his chair to stand. I watched him stretch then ruffle his hair. He was wearing ash colored jogging pants and a cotton white t-shirt that looked really soft and comfy. The pants hung loosely at his hips. I caught myself staring at his exposed abdomen when he stretched. The soft curve of pale skin down to his pelvis was really nice. I kind wanted to run my fingers across it to see if he was ticklish. 

"No it's not a love note. I was talking about you actually." 

I frowned instantly and stood up. Seph smirked again and raised an eyebrow. "I was telling Cloud that you're doing fine. He says Sora says 'hello'. 

That was it? A fucking Hello?

"..er.. yeah..." Was all I could manage. I was a little upset about that. "Hey.. when can I see Sora anyway?:" I started and followed Seph into the kitchen. He was pulling his hair free of it's restraint and shook his head to let the slivery strands fly free over his shoulders. 

"I don't know. When you feel up to it I guess. Are you really ready to see him?" 

No.

"Not really." I said softly, rubbing the back of my head. I let my hand trail down to the back of my neck and gave Sephiroth a pout. "I miss him though." 

Seph made a face and turned from me to the stove. "I know." He said and left it at that. I didn't say anything more for a few moments either. I just watched Seph move around the kitchen as he went about making our lunch. Again I caught myself staring at his body and noticing just how nice it really was. I mean... I've seen him damn near naked already when I first got here. For some reason, seeing him in clothes was much more alluring. His clothes complemented his body and his personality. I noticed he didn't have to many colored garments. Maybe a deep wine burgundy sweater, or a cream colored jacket. But not to many bright things. His whole apartment consisted of black, white, gray, and some auburn in the living room. He lived a very.. um... professional life it seemed. 

His whole apartment was neat and sparkly clean. I mean.. you could probably eat off of his floors. He didn't have any pets. Well he had some fish. But I don't consider those pets. Fish are for eating... I'm sorry. His video collection was in alphabetical order. His towels were folding and stacked by size and color. His kitchen, I'm surprised wasn't labeled, was so in order I knew exactly where to go to get everything without even having to search first. 

Yeah... he had a pretty orderly life style.

Did I mention he was unnaturally rich too....

One of his watches cost more then Cloud's rent for his apartment for 3 months. Cloud's rent is 1,200 a month. You do the math. Yeah. 

Seph had lots of expensive things in his house. His couches were leather, his desk's and tables were all imported from other regions of the world, his clothes cost enough to pay 6 college tuitions.... He... just had everything. But.. he didn't brag about his wealth. He.. kind of didn't seem to happy about it either. 

He told me he got a check every summer since he was 17 for over 60 grand for being in the military. He invested his money and now he has well over 500 thousand dollars saved up. I guess he thought the money would be for his kids or something. Maybe he and Cloud are planning to adopt someday. That's a lot of fucking money isn't it? The other night, we had lobster **and** crab for dinner. Now, back on Destiny Island that wouldn't be a big surprise. I could eat that stuff all of the time for free whenever I wanted. But here, In Traverse Town, where fresh sea food was rare, that was some expensive dinner. Seph also had this mashed pink stuff that reminded me of smashed fish eggs. ... I think that's what is was too. He'd cooked it all himself. I looked at the receipt from the grocery store. He'd sent over 450 dollars on like... 6 things. 

He even bought me new clothes cause I didn't have any here. Some of the stuff he brought back for me was so expensive I didn't even take it out of the plastic. I couldn't possibly wear something like that. I was being spoiled to death and I had no idea why. Seph said he'd done the same thing for Sora. I can kind of figure out why Cloud is with him now. Well... this is just one of the reasons I'm assuming. Money, good looking, great personality. 

Oh yeah...

I bet he's a good fuck too.

Seph gave me an odd look for some reason and stopped what he was doing. I felt my mouth hanging open. 

Oh my god.... had I just said that out loud?

"What did you say?" He asked me. I couldn't tell if he was mad or confused. His face was expressionless. 

I shook my head several times and waved my hands. "Er.. nothing, nothing. I was just thinking out loud that's all." I made an innocent face. Seph gave me one last calculating glance before he went back to cooking again. I sighed and left the kitchen. 

I... almost got myself in trouble there. I can't believe I'd said that out loud. I _know _he heard me clearly. He just wanted to hear me say it again. Why I wonder?

I flopped down on the couch again and closed my eyes. I started dozing off in just that instant. I was so bored I was tired. I need to find something to do. I looked back into the kitchen I could see Seph leaning against the counter staring aimlessly down at the pot he was stirring a spoon in. His shiny silver hair was falling over his shoulders and partially hiding his face. He swept the loose strands absently behind his ear. Every movement or gesture he made was extremely elegant. No matter how simple. He had this casual elegance someone like me could only dream of having. He was nice to watch. He made everything some how beautiful. 

Oh... to just imagine what he'd be like in bed. 

Cloud's a very lucky guy. 

I still find it hard to believe Seph is even with someone as down to earth as Cloud is. He's like me in a way. All of this glamour is just too over whelming. How do you say thank for a thousand dollar gift? 

By giving **some** up that night that's how. 

Okay.. I shouldn't be thinking so poorly of Cloud like that. But still. I can only wonder what Sephiroth sees in him. He is handsome and really sweet. But.... there's nothing all that special about him. Unless Seph really is in love with him. 

Hmm...? 

I wonder...? 

I was suddenly full of rather interesting personal questions to ask Seph when he came to sit down and eat. He told me I could ask him anything anyway. So I wouldn't hold back on him. I wonder how much he'll tell me. 

A moment later Seph was sitting my lunch down in front of me. I thanked him and started to eat. He turned on the TV and put it on some random channel just to have something on, but he didn't pay attention to it. 

"Thanks for lunch... again." I said softly and took a bite of my turkey sandwich. It was really good. I swallowed and sipped a spoon full of my rice and chicken soup. Seph was always making me soup. He said it would coat my stomach and keep me from starving. That and all the salt he put in it. It wasn't bad....but I could taste it. You know, Sephiroth is a really good cook. I'm sure that's another reason why Cloud is with him. 

Sephiroth nodded at my thanks and sipped his tea. It smelled really sweet. I kind of wanted some. He was eating a plane salad with some vinegar dressing on it. You know, I think he's on a diet or something. Or just very selective about what he eats. He leaned back into the couch after sitting his tea down and stared blankly at the TV screen I couldn't really tell if he was watching it or not. I was almost done eating now and decided, since he wasn't busy, that now would be a good time to ask some of my questions. 

"Uh.. Sephiroth. If I can.. would you mind if I asked you something?" I asked politely. He looked at me without turning his head and clenched his jaw. I didn't know if he was upset about it or not but I didn't really care. He said I could ask him anything I wanted. So I was. 

"What is it?" Sephiroth said softly. He didn't sound annoyed at the prospect of me interrogating him. I scooted forward a bit in my seat and bit my lower lip. Hmm... where to start? And how to ask this particular question?

"It's... kind or personal." I added and lowered my eyes to the floor. Well.. this question was way **more** then just kind of personal. It was _really_ personal. Seph shifted, crossed his legs and folded his arms. He made a soft sigh before saying. 

"I have to say I'm intrigued to hear just what kind of _personal_ question you have to ask me. So go on please." 

I swallowed hard. You know... I wasn't really ready for him to say yes so willingly. He didn't even take the time to think about it. 

"Uh.... Well.. It's about you and Cloud." 

He turned his head to look at me. I swear I saw his eyes light up. My face felt really hot all of a sudden and I had to avert my gaze once again to keep my cool. His eyes were so intense. Man... how am I going to ask this question with him looking at me like that?

"What about us?" Sephiroth asked. He still didn't sound upset after finding out the subject matter of my inquiry. I took a deep breath and stilled my shaking hands. My lips felt really dry and my stomach was fluttering. This... really shouldn't be this hard to talk about. We were both guys and comfortable with our sexuality. I mean... he'd shared his bed with me for 2 nights without a problem. I raised my eyes and peeked at Seph through my bangs. 

"Have... have you and Cloud had sex?" 

There I said it! 

*dies*

Sephiroth's eyes widened just slightly. I guess the question _had_ surprised him. It was silent for a moment and then he started to laugh softly. I looked at him fully with a shocked expression. Why was he laughing? 

"Is that all?" He asked covering his face for a moment and sniggering. I couldn't help but smile. I felt a little embarrassed now. Mostly because I made such a big deal over such a little thing. 

"Uh.. well no that's not all I wanted to ask but... You don't have answer if you don't want to...?" 

"Riku, it's fine really." Sephiroth said and rolled his shoulders. He had this expression on his face that made him look pleased about something. He raised his eyebrows and made a soft swooning sound in his throat. 

"Have we had sex? How to answer that?" He caught my eye and smiled slowly. 

"Yes we have." 

There, question answered. 

But he wasn't done.

"Quite a few times actually. Well, not recently because I've been here with you. But we make love roughly... 6 or 7 times a day." 

I blinked and I swear my jaw hit the floor. 

Holy shit.... 6 or 7 **_times _**a day?! 

Sephiroth raised his eyebrow and smirked. "Did that answer your question?" I nodded stiffly. He'd answered maybe a little too much I think. 

"Uh... so... wow..." I stuttered. Sephiroth laughed again and shook his head. 

"Does that surprise you?" He started and picked up his tea again. He started to take a sip but paused. "That we do it so often?" He lowered his lashes and whispered. "Or that we do it at all?"

I shook my head several times and grinned sheepishly. 

"Er... no... I'm not surprised. I suspected.... I guess.. I mean.. look at you... Uh I mean..." 

I shut my mouth. 

"Cloud's... got a lot of energy." Seph said absently.

I gaped again. Sephiroth grinned and sipped his tea. For a moment we didn't say anything more to each other. 

".... He... Cloud I mean.... Doesn't mind... You staying alone with me here?" I asked. After that immensely awkward moment the rest of my question would be a cinch to ask. 

"Why would he?" 

...Seph was so direct. 

"It's not like I'm cheating on him with you. Yes you are very attractive I will admit that. But my attraction to you is purely physical, Riku. I love Cloud. He knows this. So he has no reason to worry." 

I frowned at that comment. 

"Purely physical? What.. what are you talking about?" 

I felt suddenly uncomfortable. 

Sephiroth put a finger to his lips and look contemplative for a moment. 

"How can I word this? If I were a wicked person, I would have tried to take advantage of you a long time ago. Probably the first night you got here. But I'm not a wicked person. I don't find any pleasure or joy in taking advantage of anyone. Especially a child. Regardless of how attractive he is. And regardless of how much I know _he_ likes _me_." 

My heart skipped two beats. 

"How he... likes... **You're** talking about me?" I squeaked and mindlessly pointed at myself with both hands. My face had to be about 20 different shades of red by now. What the hell? How did he know?

"It's alright, Riku. You don't have to feel so embarrassed. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. I'm... kind of used to it. Cloud used to be the same way. But I liked him back in equal passion . I don't like you back that way." 

Talk about being blunt. 

"And that doesn't bother you?!" I asked. I couldn't believe it. What was he a machine? I mean.... sure I'm not the most attractive person in the world but damn... he didn't feel anything for me?! Not even a little?! Not that.... I wanted him to hold me down and ravage me or anything.... Still, he didn't have to say it like that. 

"You look upset." Sephiroth said and sat down his now empty tea cup. I huffed and leaned back into the couch. I had no idea why I was getting so mad. Maybe it was because I kind of **_did _**like Sephiroth. To _hear_ him so easily deny any feelings for me made me kind of sad. Again... 

"No I just... No one's ever just came out and said something like that to me." 

"You're direct with me." Sephiroth pointed out. "I figured you wouldn't want me to sugar coat my feelings... So.. here they are. I'm sorry if I upset you." 

I waved a dismissive hand of forgiveness. It was alright. I was glad he'd been honest with me. Albeit to damn honest. But... I guess he was right. 

"Besides. Would you really feel comfortable staying alone here with me knowing I had some cruel intentions about you?" 

Okay he had a **really** good point there. I shook my head to answer him. He smiled. 

"But you are a very sweet boy. I'm glad to have met you and learned more about you." 

Hah... my cheeks burned again. Why did he have to do that? He had a way with words... Simple words at that! He made them sound so nice.

There was a moment of awkward silence and I decided to change the subject. No more questions about sex for a little while. 

"Oh yeah. I've been meaning to ask you about this." I perked up and turned to look down the hall to the bedroom. 

"Er.. why did you go out of your way to buy a new bed for me?"

Sephiroth was playing with some strands of his hair and I noticed, quite amusedly, that he was braiding the silky silver strands. 

"Would you have rather slept on the floor?" He said back with a smile.

I laughed nervously. Sephiroth always had to ask the most obvious but indirect questions. Of course I hadn't wanted to sleep on the floor. But that wasn't the point I was trying to make. 

"Uh... no. What I'm asking is... Well you have that other room down the hall. I just figured that was an extra bed room. So.... why didn't you just put me in there?" 

I felt a little noisy for asking that. But I was curious. He probably had a good reason for not letting me sleep in that room anyway.

"Oh, well. That would be rude of me." Seph said slowly his eyes flicked around the room, and past me, very quickly. He seemed kind of nervous about this new subject. I gave him a strange look because I didn't understand what he meant. 

"That's my roommates room."

Heh... okay. He had a REALLY good reason for not letting me go in the room. I felt my eyebrows rise up in shock. This was new. Wow... I never would have guessed Sephiroth would be the roommate having type. I knew my face was asking him, "So where is this roommate?"

"He's out of town on business. Actually, if Cloud had introduced you and Sora to me earlier you would have gotten the chance to meet him sooner. He wants to meet the two of you very much." 

My face flushed. Oh my. I could only imagine what kind of guy this 'roommate' is if he lives with Sephiroth. Is he elegant and handsome like Seph? Maybe he's even more mysterious... If that's possible? I wonder what kind of intellectual conversations Seph and his roommate have. They probably talk about stuff that would go right over my head.....

"What's he like?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. Sephiroth laughed, his eyes twinkling slightly. 

"I can't describe just exactly _what_ he's like. It'll just confuse you. You'll like him though." 

This picked my interest. 

"Well... how old is he then?" I wanted to know as much about this guy as I could before I got to meet him.

"25." Seph said with a soft breath. He almost sounded wistful. I blinked.

"Uh.... hair and eye color?" 

"Black and hazel. Want to know his name?" Seph said with another soft breath. I couldn't tell if he was getting annoyed by my questions of by my interest in his roommate. 

"Uh..... sure... I guess." I said nervously. I guess I kind of did. Maybe his name would help me place some kind of face. 

"Hmmm... His name is.... Why are you so interested in my roommate?" Seph gave me a pointed gentle glare. I lowered my eyes from his gaze again and my face flushed. I bet I looked like a really ripe cherry by now. I just wanted to know more about this guy. That was all. Seph didn't seem like the type to have many friends, let alone have one live with him. I was just curious.... really that was all. 

"I know I don't seem like the type to have friends. I really don't have very many to be honest. He was... well we were lovers at one time. That's probably why I'm comfortable living with him." 

My head snapped up. I forced myself not to gape this time by biting my bottom lip. Holy fuck!! Seph lived with his EX!! That was the last thing I'd expected to hear. Seph was laughing openly at my startled expression. 

"Don't worry. Our relationship is purely platonic. We haven't been together for a long time. About 7 or 8 years now I think. I was really young when we were together. Oh, and Cloud knows by the way. He's fine with it. They actually get along a little better then I'd like." 

Sephiroth raised one of his eyebrows and smiled as he thought silently about something. He shook his head and focused back on me. 

"He should be back in a month or so." 

I leaned back into the couch and rubbed my face. I had so many more questions to ask Seph but couldn't grasp a single one. I think I'd learned enough for today anyway. Seph was still really young, but he sounded like he had a lot happen in his life. I'm just assuming this. He let it slip a few nights ago about something happening to him when he was in the military but I was way to scared to ask him about that. Whatever it was... it wasn't happy or as light hearted as the other things he told me about today. 

"Can I call Sora?" I asked after a moment. I put on my best begging face and clasped my hands in front of my heart. I really wanted to talk to him. I didn't care what it was about. I just wanted to hear his voice. I missed him so much. Seph gave me sad expression and shook his head. 

"No." He said. His tone left no room for pleading or questions. I slumped in defeat and laid down on the couch. I covered my face with my forearm and went silent. I could hear Seph taking our plates and cups into the kitchen so he could wash them. Normally I would have helped but I was kind of angry with him now. Why couldn't I call Sora? I glared with my eyes closed. Hmph... Seph and Cloud had thought it be better if Sora and I didn't commute for a while. They said Sora's presence agitated my bad memories. And until I came to gripes with my rape that he'd only make my condition worse. Personally I thought it was a bunch a bullshit. True I had wanted to get away from Sora for a bit to sort out my thoughts... and maybe my feelings. But I didn't want to forget he existed all together. 

But I guess it was no use whining about it now. Seph's answer was final. If I asked again the might just ignore me altogether. So I whined to myself. This really sucks.... I miss... Sora... so... mu...

I opened my mouth a bit and took a shuddery breath. It was a sob really. I tried to hide it by controlling my breathing. I couldn't let Seph see me crying. I wasn't crying just yet. But my throat was hurting.. so I was close to it. I hated being away from Sora. It was like when I moved away from DI all those years ago. It was torture. And this was too. What was worse was that I was actually thinking about Sephiroth is sexual ways. I was mentally cheating on Sora. I felt awful. There were things about Sora that Seph could never have, and vice versa. When I woke up in the morning I missed Sora being sprawled halfway over me sleeping like he's fighting the sheets. I missed his breath in my ear as he kind of snored. I missed his baby soft cinnamon hair tickling my cheeks and neck. I oh so missed his silky smooth skin pressed so close to mine that I could feel his veins pulsing under his skin. 

I just missed Sora. 

I had to hide another sob. This one hurt and made my eyes burn. I massaged my temples and tried to force away the tension headache that was working it's way through my face. I opened my eyes and say big blurs of color for a moment. 

"I'm sorry." I heard Seph voice very close by. 

I jumped up and scrubbed at my eyes. Oh no.. he'd seen me...

"You don't have to hide it, Riku." 

I turned sharply and looked up. Seph was standing behind me looking down. His expression was so sincere that I almost started crying again. It wasn't fair... I was here with Cloud's guy and Cloud was with mine. I wanted Sora. I wanted him NOW!

"....leave me alone..." I hissed slightly. This was partly Seph's fault. He should have just taken me back to Cloud's place that night. BUT NO! I had to be a drama queen and beg him to bring me to his house. 

"You'll get to see him soon." Seph said. He was sitting a little bit behind me. I looked at his reflection on the glass table in the middle of the living room. He was looking at my back. He seemed like he wanted to comfort me but didn't know how to. 

"It's not fair... Why did this have to happen? I just don't understand why anymore. I have this strange feeling that Sora loved Leon. And that he still does.... He never told me. Then Leon hurt me... and Sora acts like he doesn't.... like doesn't even care.... and...." I covered my face and coughed. I couldn't contain my tears anymore. They leaked free without reserve. ACK!! This is so lame. I was making myself sad thinking about all this stuff. Control, Riku. Control.

Yeah right...

I was shaking now I was crying so hard. 

"Riku..." Sephiroth started. He seemed at a lose for words. He didn't know how to comfort me I guess. I wasn't really asking him too. I was just tired of hiding my sadness. It's what got me in this situation in the first place. And I attacked Sora so ruthlessly because of it. 

"There's... something you should know Riku... It's about Leon and Sora..." 

For the first time since I'd known Sephiroth I'd never heard him sound so nervous. I stopped sobbing almost instantly out of shock from his voice. About Leon and Sora.... what the Hell? This sounded like bad news. I turned to Seph, not caring anymore if he say my tear stained face and looked wide eyed up at him. He swallowed hard. 

".... Sora...."

My heart beat was racing and I felt suddenly terrified to hear this breaking news. I didn't want to hear it. It would crush me I knew. So I did the only rational thing I could think of. 

I kissed Seph.

-------

Sephiroth

-------

I faltered when Riku turned to look at me. I couldn't have picked the worse time to mention this now. But Riku had to know. He still had this weird belief that Sora didn't care about Leon raping him. I had to just completely erase that crazy thought from him mind. But Riku didn't know **_why_** Sora was acting the way he was in the first place. Cloud didn't want Riku to know yet. But I feared if Riku learned this later he'd do something drastic to vent his anger. He could try to hurt Sora, or himself. There's no way of telling how he'll act about this.... but I have to chance it. 

"...Sora..." I started. Riku's eyes went wide and before I could stop him he was pressing his lips against mine. I was so shocked I didn't push him away for a moment. I could feel his tears against my face and the heat of his skin. His eyelashes brushed mine and my eyes closed. Riku's lips were very soft. He put his hands on my shoulders and tried to make the kiss more passionate. I put up my hands out of habit from being with Cloud to hold his waist. I was being pressed back onto the couch on my back. My mind kept telling me to push Riku away, to make him stop. But then.... if he acted this way when I tried to tell him about Sora's secret... this must be what he wanted. His way of dealing with his pain. There's no telling how mind scarring me making him stop will be. 

Blast you Cloud!

I kissed Riku back. 

He was laying over me now kissing me with more passion then I knew a 17 year old could have. He was... quite good at it too. I forced myself to just try to enjoy this so I wouldn't hurt Riku's feelings. It wasn't so bad honestly. But I felt terrible for letting it happen. Riku pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I took this moment to catch my breath. I hoped my facial expression was convincing enough. It must have been because Riku leaned back in and kissed me again. With lots of tongue this time. 

His mouth was so warm and soft.

I mean... damn... I'm starting to enjoy this....

FUCK!

This was wrong. But somehow right....

If Riku was acting this way he must have felt safe and comfortable enough to do so. Then again... he could have just done it as a way to keep me from saying what I was about to say. He must have figured it was bad news. His small hands were roaming over my chest and he was almost moaning into my mouth. I groaned... which probably sounded more like a moan in Riku's ears and ran my fingers through his hair. We weren't doing anything particularly more erotic then what I've done with Cloud. But there were several differences about Riku that Cloud most certainly didn't have and that made this whole situation much more different. 

For starters, Riku wasn't my boyfriend and he was just a kid. He was very soft and curvy compared to Cloud. Cloud was more broad and tight around his shoulders, back, thighs, and face. Whereas Riku was round and supple. He had lots of baby fat. He was almost femininely built. He had baby's breath. I could taste the milk and turkey from his lunch in his kisses. Little things like that made me even more aware of just how young and innocent Riku really was. And the references to babies was making me feel like a child molester with each passing second....

I was feeling more and more terrible about this. Riku moaned into my mouth suddenly started to grind his pelvis into mine. I gasped when he hit a _very _sensitive spot, you know what I'm talking about, and I tried to pull a little more forcefully away from him. This was starting to get a little out of hand now. He had me pinned. Well, he was certainly strong for a 17 year old. 

"Riku... no." I gasped and turned away from his persistent kisses. He was panting, his breath warm and quick against my cheek. 

"I'm sorry..." He breathed, eyes half lidded. He didn't look as upset as he did a moment ago. Being suddenly turned on can change your mood like that. Riku climbed off of me and put some distance on the couch between us. I thought he was going to run away. Instead he curled up at the end of the couch and hid his face. I sat up, panting, and licked my lips. I could still taste Riku on them. I cringed and wiped my mouth. I was shaking my head to dismiss his apology. Uh... why was I doing that? I didn't want to give him the impression that what he had done was _okay_.... or that he could do it **_again_**. But I didn't want him feeling bad about his. He kissed me. So what. It meant **_nothing _**to me... but I'm not sure what it meant to him. 

"No... I shouldn't have done that... You're with Cloud... I feel awful... I'm so sorry..." Riku whispered over and over again. I fixed up my hair and cleared my throat. Riku jumped. 

"Stop it. It's over. It was just a kiss. It happens." I said tersely. Riku gave me a shocked wide eyed expression. I mentally kicked myself. There's got to be a better way to say that. Time to switch to doctor mode. ...I've never had one of my patients kiss me before.

"I mean. It's alright, okay. Don't feel bad. I know you're going through a lot of things right now. You just did it on impulse. But like I said it happens. I know you like me. You just wanted to see what it was like. I don't mind. Just **_don't_** get used to that alright." I smiled as best I could. There, that sounded _much_ better. Direct, honest, not too mean, but setting the ground rules. 

Riku smiled just slightly but didn't say anything. His cheeks spoke loud and clear though. I'm surprised he hadn't tried to douse his face in water by now as much as he was blushing. Poor kid. 

I didn't say anything more to Riku either and walked into the kitchen. My legs felt weak for some reason. I rubbed my face and leaned against the counter. I can't believe that just happened. I had to tell Cloud about this.... He'd get mad. I could already see his face. It was his bright idea though. I hope I didn't make things worse... I hope Riku is getting the impression I was starting to like him like **_that_**. It wasn't true. But words can only mean so much. Riku probably was thinking the same thing. No... just when he was starting to open up to me a little and feel comfortable... I just somehow screwed this whole thing up...

I need a glass of water. 

I got myself something to drink and absently tugged at the draw string of my pants. My groin felt really tight. I wasn't sure if it was because Riku was rubbing his abdomen against **_it_**.... or because the _whole_ time I was thinking about Cloud. It was both. For a moment I saw Cloud kissing me instead of Riku. 

6 days without sex.... oh my God I missed Cloud. Not **_just_** because of the sex. I just missed him. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone either. We'd just been passing emails and instant messages online. 

This... really sucks...

I guess I'd have to deal with it. But it was going to be hard. I had a feeling Riku would try to come onto me again. He probably wouldn't have a reason besides **just** wanting to next time either. I had to keep control of myself before I actually end of sleeping with that boy.... 

How would I explain that to Cloud? 

Yeah... this sucks....

*sigh*

-------

Riku

-------

I can't believe I did it.... I'd... been wanting to since the first time I met him at 7th Heaven. But... I actually did it. It was nice too. Oh my God! His bodies so hard! I wish I could have touched him more... His skin's so soft and smooth. I did feel kind of dirty for acting that way. At first I'd just kissed him to make him shut up. But... as I got into it I really wanted to go further. I know he was enjoying it too. I felt **_it_**. ....He's.. really big.... 

I had to cover my face to hide my, I'm sure, flustered expression. I shouldn't be feeling like this about Sephiroth. There's nothing wrong with a little crush I guess. But I was close to trying to take his clothes off for minute. I had no idea I was so brave....

But on some level I felt like a whore. I really shouldn't be doing things like that with Seph. I bet he wanted me to stop... he just didn't want to hurt my feelings. What was I saying. So what if he got a boner... If I had something _rubbing_ **me** I'd get one too... I must be crazy to think he wants me. He said so himself. And he's the one who asked me to stop. Well, he just said 'no', which meant stop. This is so confusing. I love Sora. I _love _making _love_ to him. I don't love Seph in the slightest. But I want to have sex with him. I really do. I won't deny it. But I'm really fucking scared. Maybe I should just tell him I feel this way.

Seph I wanna fuck you!

How do I say **_that_** out loud? 

Maybe... if I do this and get it out of my system I'll feel better. I don't know. That night when Sora said I was going to leave him for Seph really made me think.... I don't want to leave Sora for him.... but I did want to see him and be with him...

What the Hell is wrong with me? All of these emotions. I sound like a girl. Random mood swings. This must be PMS! I don't like this at all!

I tangled my fingers in my hair and glared at the carpet. I glanced into the kitchen and say Seph drinking a glass of water. He was tugging at his pants. I raised an eyebrow at that. 

Maybe... I should tell him...

Or at least show him...

Maybe if I slept with him... I'd get over my rape. Seph wasn't after me for sexual reasons or anything. He was safe. I didn't have to feel afraid of him. He loved Cloud. Not me. 

So.. somehow. It was okay. 

Right?

------

Leon

------

(6:45 pm)

"It's the start of week 2 for the manhunt for Squall LeonHeart, the alleged rapist/attempted murderer. Authorities are at a standstill as no new information on the present whereabouts of the man have been discovered. It's almost as if he vanished off of the face of the planet. With no sightings or information regarding where LeonHeart could be there is a possibility he has left town. Every regional police department is on alert. Blockades have been placed at every entrance and exit for each city limit. Cars, trucks, and other transport are being continuously monitored. The authorities would like to impress very strongly that if you have any information concerning LeonHeart, little or otherwise please call the police department. And to anyone who could possibly be hiding LeonHeart, know that you are in grave danger and you could suffer loosing your life, or even time in prison for hiding an armed felon. For anymore updates concerning the hunt for LeonHeart stay tuned to this station. "

I turned down the radio and bit my bottom lip. I'd been in hiding for damn near 2 weeks. I'd managed to slip out once to take care of some business for an hour or so. I'd finally managed to capture that little fuck too. The news wasn't kidding either, there were hundreds of police swarming the streets now. I'm surprised no body saw me at all. If I could just wait this out the search would be called of any day now. Well, it will if no one notices a certain _someone_ missing. I'm surprised there was no news about that yet. Well, it hadn't been 24 hours just yet. I'm sure the kids parents have noticed by now though. Maybe I'd just made things worse for myself. 

Ahheheheh!

I turned to a dark corner of my now new home in the old Inn in district 2. I learned no one came near this place in fear of the 'giant rats' that festered around here. I'd only seen one of them the whole time I'd been staying here. I took care of the little fucker easily. To bad for the cops though. They would have found me a long time ago. Oh well. No skin of my back. 

I stood and walked to the dark corner slowly. I could sense the presence of the other in the room. I heard him whimper and flatten himself against the wall. He couldn't run away, scream for help, or fight back. He was at my mercy. 

"You look scared." I said softly and kneeled down to look in the boys face. He was a pretty good looking kid. Sandy blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, perfect skin. Probably a good quick fuck too. I hadn't had any fun for a while now. He was probably a virgin. I kind of wanted to hear him scream out in pain.

"You should be scared. After what you did to me." I leaned in and whispered into his ear. He was shaking so hard his breathing was quivering. 

"I'm going to have so much fun with you." I licked his ear and snatched him up. He was pretty small. Smaller then how he'd looked that night. I can't believe this is the same kid that got away with hurting me. Little shit. 

I had his hands and feet tied up so he couldn't try anything. He staggered when I let him try to balance himself. I shoved him and he hopped forward. 

"Get on the bed." I hissed. He gave me a wide eyed shocked expression and started shaking his head. I shoved him again and he fell onto the now clean sheets. I'd cleaned up all the filthy shit that had been left behind. 

"I don't think you're in any position to say no to me." I forced him face down onto the bed and he whimpered. I wasn't even being rough with him. All he had on was a t-shirt, jeans, socks and shoes. He was probably cold from the lack of heat in this place. I'd gotten one of those portable heater things, but it only did so much you know. 

"I'll warm you up." I breathed into his hair. He smelled so nice. Like a boy, but nice. It was pretty obvious he wasn't gay. He was looking at me like I was the most vile creature in the world. I wasn't sure if it was because he knew what I was going to do, or if he really was gay but didn't want his first time to be like this. But I really didn't give a fuck. I'd change his whole perspective on life after tonight. 

I pulled out my pocket knife and ran in over his cheek. A thin stream of blood bubbled up from under his skin and he whimpered through the gag in his mouth. I was starting to get turned on by his struggling. I leaned down and lapped at his blood just slightly, just to taste it. I squeezed his eyes shut and tried to flatten himself into the sheets. I should take out his gag so I can hear him beg. He was eyeing the knife with wide pleading eyes. I guess he thought I was going to kill him. 

"Relax. I _still_ need you at the moment." I cut the ropes around his ankles and sat on his legs so he couldn't start kicking at me. He started to squirm a bit more though. His eye's were begging me to stop. He was so fucking terrified. I guess I could be a little nicer. I racked my nails over his back through his shirt in a soothing manner and leaned back to take off his shoes. He started trying to loosen the ropes on his wrists by pulling and tugging at them. He wasn't doing anything but hurting himself. 

"You're gonna cut yourself doing that." I warned and put my hand over his fists. He stilled instantly. More like froze. I laughed and ran my free hand, and knife, under his shirt. His skin was soft but pasty and cold. When I reached the nape of his neck under his shirt I pulled back with the knife and started to cut downwards through the thin cloth. The boy started sobbing and shaking his head. 

"Shhh. If you stop fighting me this will won't be so bad." I soothed and ran my palm over the now exposed flesh of his pale back. He tried to flinch away from my touch but only succeeded in letting me touch him more. I climbed off of him and started to unbuckle all of my belts and let them drop to the floor. He watched me for a few moments in disbelief. I could just see it running through his mind. 

"This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening!"

But it was. And there was nothing he could do to stop it. I wasn't about to strip completely because it was to damn cold in here to do that. It would be weird to do this with all of my clothes on though. I stopped before I unzipped my pants and felt around in my back pocket. I smiled when I found the little plastic object I was searching for and pulled it out. All of my fun would be shot to hell if I didn't have this little thing. Before I opened it though I went to take of the boys pants. He tried to kick me. I cut him really deep across his lower back. I'd really only meant to knick him. His continuous movement had made the blade pierce deeper then I'd meant it to. He stopped fighting after that. 

I threw his jeans aside and kicked off my boots to climb into the bed. I turned the boy over for a brief second just so I could look at his face. He closed his eyes so he couldn't see me. 

"This is your own fault. No body asked you to fucking interfere that night did they?!" I ripped his boxers off and he groaned in pure fear. I could see it in his eyes. He was silently giving up. I lowered my pants just enough to expose myself and when the kid got a clear view of me he started to sob silently. 

Wow... I didn't realize I was that big. Ahehhehahahahahahaha!

I ripped the condom open and put it on. I flipped the boy back over onto his stomach and held his head still while I did my business. I'd pinned him under me so he couldn't struggle even the slightest. I didn't have any lube or anything so he was just going to have to deal with the pain for a while. If he just calmed down it wouldn't hurt as much though. 

*sigh*

My eyes fluttered for a moment when I pushed in. Oh yeah, he was a virgin. A strangled gasp came from the boy. He would chock himself on that gag if he kept doing that. I rested my body over his and started to move. This reminded me of that Riku kid. He was so good. Put up way more of a fight though. Hmph. Oh well. I guess without that lamp this kid was just.. well a kid. 

"Aw, don't cry. It'll all be over soon..." I breathed and gave a particularly hard thrust. 

"This is what you get for being the hero." My body shook from pleasure and i breathed the boys name. 

"Tim..." 

It went on for hours it seemed. Tim passed out in about 20 minutes. I cleaned myself up once I was done and went about trying to blot up some of the blood that had leaked all over my sheets. Maybe I'd been a little too rough. *shrug*

It was about 8:55, the 9 o'clock news was about to come on in a few minutes. I turned on the radio to listen for it while I put Tim's clothes back on. He was still bleeding.... Hmph... Oh well. He whimpered in his sleep and I saw tears leaking from his closed eyes. I know he was having nightmares about what just happened to him. He'd have them for the rest of his life. If I let him have a 'rest of his life'. 

The jingle for the news reel started up and I went to sit next to my little portable radio. At about 7:25 tonight Tim would have been claimed missing for 24 hours. If he wasn't mentioned in the news, then his parents didn't love him as much as I thought. 

"We have just received word stating 19 year old Tim Jennings has been prounounced missing as of about 7:45 pm last night. He was last seen closing up his families corner drug store by the footage on the security cameras. The area for about 6 blocks was searched near by the small drug store and no sign of a struggle was found. Tim Jennings was the proclaimed hero of 25 year old Aeris Gainsborough, having saved during a brutal attack by Squall LeonHeart. The authorities are not yet sure if Tim's disappearance is directly linked to LeonHeart, but they suspect if it is, the man has been hiding out somewhere near by for quite awhile. Just at the start of week 2 for the manhunt...."

That's all I wanted to hear. I turned down the radio so it was still loud enough for me to hear. I looked at Tim. He was half awake and staring at me with a pained expression on his face. I didn't pay attention to him for a second and listened around outside. I could see the red and blue lights shining outside as the police cars headed down the street. I rolled my eyes. Fucking dumb shits. 

I looked back at Tim. He flinched when I caught his eye. 

"The news was talking about you." I got up off of the floor and walked over to the bed. Tim tried so hard to crawl away from me. I grabbed his leg and tugged him back. He cried out through his gag at the pain I'm sure shot up his lower back. I wasn't in the mood to hurt him at the moment. I took a moment to check the cut on his cheek and back and cleaned them up. I could tell he was wondering why I cared about his wounds even in the slightest. 

"I just don't want you getting an infection and dying from gangrene or something before I'm done with you. Go to sleep." I hissed and tossed him roughly onto the bed. He balled up in the corner of the bed closed his eyes. I could tell he was trying to make himself stop crying. 

Little pussy. He wasn't so brave now. Bet you he won't come to anyone else's fucking rescue next time. Hahahahahahahaha......

__

"Why did you do that?!!"

I paused in my villain like laughter and stared at the ceiling. It was **his** voice again. 

"Go away." I hissed. I stood up and looked around just slightly. I know I wasn't tripping. I heard his voice loud and clear. 

__

"Look what you've done. You didn't have to hurt him. He only wanted to save Aeris!!'

"It's his own fucking fault." I snarled and turned quickly, like he was standing right behind me. There was no one there in the darkness. But his voice was so close. 

__

"All you had to do was leave! You just had to make things worse! I gave you a chance to get away! I can't help you anymore. Now we're both in trouble!"

****

"Shut the fuck up!" I bellowed and instantly slapped my hand over my mouth. My voice made the old glass in the windows shake for a moment and I listened really hard to see if anyone had heard me. All I could hear was the echo of my own voice though. I sent a cold glare in Tim's direction. He was looking at me like I'd lost my mind. 

"What the **_fuck_** are you looking at?!" I snarled and ran my hands through my hair. Why did he always have that affect on me? I was the one in control. ME! I did what the fuck I wanted to. I'd gotten myself in trouble, yes! But I was enjoying this. The cops were fucking clueless as the where I was. I was just an inch away from having that brat Riku in my grasp and then Sora would be mine. But he just had to put in his 2 damn sense. 

Squall.... you always had something to say didn't you?

You were always trying to tell me what to do and what not to do. 

You were always saying no to me. 

"That's because everything you did was wrong..."

It was _my_ voice this time. I was gripping my head when I opened my eyes. I felt dizzy for a moment and I took a second to blink back my dizziness. It was getting a little easier to control my anger. Oh it's time for my medicine again. I pulled out the bottle and poured a few of the tiny white pills in my hand. I noticed I'd taken far less then I should have by now. ...Maybe I should take 2 this time to make up for the other times I missed. No... I go by the instructions. I can't believe I'd missed taking them so much though.... I remember starting too. 

I found my bottle of water and downed the pill. It wouldn't work instantly , but when it kicked it I felt a little tired. I walked over to the bed and sat down. The boy, Tim, shrank away from me. I know why he did. I didn't know how to soothe him anymore. I'd tried to talk him into not being scared when he was first brought here. It hadn't helped. And now Tim was hurt. I leaned forward and pulled the blanket up over the boy. He gave me a truly confused look. I could tell he could see something was wrong with me. 

"I'm... sorry he... I mean... I'm sorry I hurt you..." I breathed and laid down on top of the blankets. I knew this boy would hate me forever. He probably couldn't wait for the police to find me and shoot me where I stood. I didn't blame him. He'd never believe my story anyway. I figured out what was wrong with me a few days ago. The memory lose... the mood swings, waking up in strange places being accused of murder and rape... it was him... it was...

Seifer....

He was back...

Somehow...

****

You know the drill. Review please! :)

------

Author's notes

------

Okay, lack of Sora and Cloud scenes in this one. I think everyone can pretty much guess what was going on over at Cloud's place anyway. I'll focus on them more next chapter. I decided to drag out the scenes before the big finally with more character development so I could make IC longer. I must please my reviewers. Riku and Seph got a little touchy feely huh? There will be some heavier stuff in the next few chapters. I think chapter 16 will be twice as long as this one (42 pages with my notes.). But it was all for you guys. I had a lot of fun writing Seph's little flash back. As depressing as it was. Can you guys guess who his roommate is? He'll be mentioned again in later chapters. Oh yeah, some familiar faces are about to pop up again to. I can't wait to get to those parts. FIGHTING TIME!! I wonder if you guys can feel the sexual tension between Seph and Cloud yet. By the time I'm done, you guys will be flaming me demanding a lemon! Heheheheh. I had to much fun with this chapter. A lot of things happened. Were you guys surprised about Tim being the kid Leon was watching in the last chapter? This was an idea that's been floating around in my head since the time I wrote that Leon assaults Aeris scene. It's pretty brutal really. ( I know everyone hates me for Leon hurting Tim now *dies*) Tim's suffering will come to a very.. abrupt... end... *sigh* Leon is scaring me. 

Till next time. (Goes to type chapter 16. Bless you winter break!)


	16. Chapter 16

None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

--------

Chapter 16

Let's see what Sora and Cloud are up to huh?

------

__

And the truth shall set you free... again...

------

Cloud

------

I think the entire city of Traverse Town went dead silent and still after that 5 minute news cast. At 9:00 that night Tim Jennings was pronounced missing. Missing? Kidnapped? Maybe he was just at a friends house? Maybe he was at a movie? He couldn't be missing. Leon wouldn't sink that low would he? 

Oh... my... God...

I covered my face in my hands and sat down on the bed. I didn't even know this boy, but Aeris did. I felt so sad and worried and sick all at the same time. Just when it seemed like things would calm down, and Leon would be caught this had to happen. My hands were starting to shake and I rubbed the back of my neck to calm myself down. I know why this was bothering me so much. Tim... could have easily been Riku or Sora. There was no telling what Leon was doing to that boy. Maybe nothing... but with his current track record.....

My stomach lurched and I had to fight the urge to hurl suddenly. What the fuck was Leon thinking? All he had to do was keep hiding out until we found him and talked some sense into him. I'd wanted to help him so badly. I was on his side.... I wanted to find out what was really wrong. I thought he was sick... I guess I was wrong. So was Seph... I wonder if he's heard the news yet. I hadn't talked to him in almost 2 weeks. I had no idea how he was going to contact me to tell me his thoughts on that boy coming up missing. I wonder how Riku was taking it. Maybe he hasn't heard yet.... 

I glanced over to the corner of my room and stared at Sora for a moment. After he heard the news about Tim he went and sat in the corner of the room and stared blankly at the wall. He didn't say anything or move. He was in his own little world. His behavior worried me. I couldn't tell if he was scared or happy to hear about Leon still being on the loose. Sora wouldn't talk to me. He avoided me most of the time. He was pissed at me for taking Riku away. Well, I hadn't really taken him away... I just wouldn't let him talk to or see the boy. Seph and I had decided this way was best. Riku seemed to be doing better because of it too. Sora was almost falling apart though. He must feel awful... he blames himself for this whole mess. On some levels it _is_ his fault... but he's just a kid. Kid's are curious. I'm not angry with Sora, just confused as the why he'd put himself in such a situation. He's only 16... and going through his mid life crisis. 

"Sora." I started and stood up. I needed to move around a bit. "Stop staring at the wall. Come talk to me." I spoke as softly as I was able and patted the bed getntly. My voice shook slightly though. Sora was far to silent for me right now. I needed to hear his voice. Anybodies voice really. I wish Seph would call. 

*bring, bring*

I almost leapt to the phone to answer it. Was it Seph? I felt a smile come to my face. Perfect timing. 

"Cloud!" 

It was a women's voice. My face fell slightly from it not being Seph's though. 

"Aeris." I said softly and sat down on the bed. I saw Sora's shoulders flinch slightly. I didn't even have to ask Aeris what she was calling for. I knew she'd seen the news reel by now. It was playing back to back every 10 minutes. And the child missing search siren was blaring softly in the far distance of the city. Everyone was on watch. 

"Cloud.... he's...." Aeris started. Her voice broke and I heard her burst into tears. I wish I could have been there to hug her and make her feel better. At least in the physical sense. She was probably kicking herself for Tim being in danger. Where ever he was. After the initial news update about he boy missing, another update came on telling the viewers about the boy. All of his friends and family said he wasn't the type to just up and leave with letting someone know where he was going. He always came home right after he closed up the families drug store and he always took the same route. So judging by that information and if Leon had snatched him, Leon had been watching this boy for a while now. He'd known his schedule and probably attacked him at his most vulnerable time. Leon grabbed that boy the moment he walked out of view of the stores security cameras. And so much for searching for a struggle. If the estimated time of Tim's abduction was correct, any tracks made by Leon and him had been covered soon after by freshly falling snow. 

Leon had planned this from start to finish. He had taken this boy on purpose. He was telling anyone protecting Riku and Sora loud and clear, that he was going to find them. And if he had to resort to foul play he would. Dear God.... I hope he hasn't hurt that boy.... First he torches district 3 now this.... He _wasn't _fucking kidding around. 

Leon... I was actually starting to feel sorry for you. How could you do this?

"I'm.. I'm sorry *sniff* Cloud. I'm just.... *sniff* so worried *sniff* I hope Tim is alright..." Aeris gasped through her sobs. I glared across the room at Sora's back. I wanted to throw something at him for the way he was acting. 

"Aeris it's alright. If you need to cry go right ahead. I'm here." I soothed. This was lame. I should go and see her. Man... Cid lived so far away. Speaking of Cid... just where was he anyway?

**__**

"I'm gonna fucking knock some sense into the brainless pretty bitch!!!"

I winced and pulled the phone away from my ear. Oh... there he was. I'm assuming he's talking about Leon.... I hadn't done anything... At least... I don't think I have.

"Is that Cloud on the phone!?!" Cid yelled. He sounded like he was getting closer to the receiver. I mentally prepared myself for the verbal abuse I'm sure I was about to get. Cid was going to pissed that he was one of the last people hearing about this. 

"Yes Cid." Aeris said softly. I could barely hear her of his hollering. 

"What the **FUCK**! Why didn't anyone tell me 'bout this shit?!" 

Oh no... Cid had the phone now. He was a little further then just pissed off. He was enraged. 

"Er... we.. uh..."

"WHATEVER! I _knew **something**_ was up when Aeris suddenly came over here with a cut cheek and all her personal belongings and shit. Then I hear about Leon attacking her on the news too! NOW Leon's a fucking rapist/murderer/kidnapper!! So **when **were you guys planning on telling me this huh? **_HUH_**?!"

I swear I heard Cid's phone crack through the receiver. Poor phone. But I did understand how Cid felt. It was just.... we didn't want everyone else getting involved in all of this. Well... the whole world kind of was now. It wasn't a big secret anymore. Truth be told, no one really knew it involved Riku and Sora. At the current moment it was all about Aeris being nearly killed by Leon and this boy Tim missing. Maybe we could keep it that way.... But I really would like to report Riku's... rape... 

"Sora." I yelled again, ignoring Cid for a moment. I picked up a pillow and chucked it at his head. When he turned _before_ it hit him and knocked it out of the way I froze for a moment. He gave me a vicious glare and stood up. I faltered for a moment. What the hell? 

"WHAT?!" He hissed at me, his blue eyes a blaze. I kept my eyes on him and half listened to Cid string swear words together. 

"Hey Cid, can I call you back later." I said. I wasn't really asking him. 

"Hey, I'm not done with you yet! Cloud, don't you hang..." 

*click*

I'd deal with him later when I call back. Right now I had more pressing matters. Like Sora looking like he wanted to kick my ass for some reason. 

"What's your problem?" I said softly. I tried not to sound to upset. I was surprised he'd reacted to me like that though. I mean... I was only playing with him when I threw the pillow. A few days ago he seemed fine. Maybe he'd been suppressing his anger. But _what _was he angry about? 

"My **_problem_**?! **My** fucking problem is every damn body getting involved in my business. You never even gave me and Riku a chance to work this out!" 

I blinked in utter shock. I had never heard Sora talk like this. And I sure as hell wasn't expecting him to suddenly be talking to me like it. 

"_What_ are you talking about? Sora if **I** recall, you _asked_ for my help. You asked if you could live here with me. I took you in, just like you wanted. The moment you asked for my help was the moment **I **got involved." I said this as calmly as I could. But my tone was faltering. I couldn't believe Sora was acting like this. 

"Why'd you have to be so nice and say yes!" Sora snarled and turned his back on me. His last comment made absolutely no sense. 

Okay...

"Riku left because of your perfect pretty boyfriend anyway..." Sora mumbled. I heard it loud and clear though. But before I could say anything about that last comment Sora went on.

"You never even asked us if it was alright if Sephiroth knew about this! You just assumed! Now Riku's gone. I can't see him, can't speak to him, I can't even apologize for this whole fucked up mess!"

Sora slammed his fists into the wall and I felt it tremble. I had to remind myself just how powerful this kid really was. This was the same little boy that had saved our world from total darkness with nothing but a freaking key as his weapon. 

"I can summon creatures of infinite power, seal doors to untold evils, even beat the living shit out of a villain so wicked he possessed my best friend and lover.... All of that with a straight face... .... But when it really comes down to it... I'm fucking powerless..."

Sora slumped slightly against the wall and put his forehead against it. He looked like he'd just collapse at any given moment.

"...It's just not fair... This is all my fault. If I'd never...." Sora started. He sounded like all of his angry energy had seeped away suddenly and he was slowly being drained. I took a step forward but paused so I wouldn't alert him.

"Don't start with that self blame crap. It will _only_ make you feel worse. Shit happens Sora. Everybody makes mistakes." I had to assure him of this fact as clearly as I could. He was headed down a very quick path to self destruction if he kept this up. 

"_Most_ people don't make mistakes that put their friends lives in danger!" Sora vicious tone had returned in full force. So much for him calming down. 

"I was so fucking stupid! What was I thinking. I'm always... trying to be the good guy... I just felt sorry for Leon and now... It's me he wants... Maybe I should just...."

"Don't you even say it!" I suddenly snapped. I knew exactly where this was going. Sora made a defeated expression and sat on the floor. He'd been thinking about that option for a while now it seems. His final conclusion to making Leon stop this crazy nonsense. Give the psychotic bastard what he wanted.... 

Sora. 

I went and fell to my knees beside Sora and looked him in the face. 

"Now listen to me. There is **NO.** **FUCKING.** **WAY.** _That_ is ever going to happen. After all we've gone through to keep you safe and you want me to just **give** you over to Leon? Are you out of your mind?!" I half yelled. Sora averted his gaze and I forced him to look back at me. 

"We don't even know for sure if this Tim boy was kidnapped by Leon. It could just be a coincidence...."

"**Oh **come on Cloud!" Sora snatched his face from me and stood up again. He gave me a shocked expression. 

"I know you're smarter then that! Think about it for a minute. Just _think_ about it. This is the same kid that beat the hell out of Leon with a glass lamp a few nights ago. Leon's nowhere to be found for days and days after his attempt at killing Aeris, no one's seen him at all. And then suddenly that same boy comes up missing! You put everything together!"

I didn't say anything. So much for being optimistic. Sora didn't have to explain it to me like I was a special kid either. 

"But I just don't understand why he'd... he can't be that desperate. He must know by now how much trouble he's in..." Sora was talking to himself now. He pinned me with that intense blue gaze of his again and I dreaded what he was about to say. "Cloud, I have to find him. I have to find out why he's doing this.... There's something else going on that I don't know about...." 

I knew it would be bad... But what Sora was saying now was fucking insane.

"Now.. hold on." I paused and held up a hand. "You want to go and _look_ for him. What the fuck Sora? The damn police can't even find..."

"That's because they don't know where to look." 

Sora sounded suddenly _much_ too sure of himself. And I was suddenly very worried. 

"And _you _do?" Was all I could manage to say though. I think I just egged him on into actually going to look too. Smooth Cloud... real smooth... urg....

"Maybe I do. I could be wrong. I'm not going to tell _you_ were I think he might be though..." 

I felt like I'd been slapped in the face for some reason. Who did Sora think he was? 

But his answer was so final. He really wasn't going to tell me anything... 

Sora pointed at me and gave me a snide glare that sent a chill up my back. If he really wanted to.. he could be a really good villain with a look like that. "All **you** want to do is slaughter him anyway. None of you people understand him. None of you know what he's gone through!" 

Sora was now giving me this look that said if I pushed him even the slightest bit he'd try to kill me. And for the first time noticed he wasn't a kid anymore. He was damn near 18, he was a just as strong.... probably more so, then I was. And he was in a very bad mood. 

"And you do?" 

There was that retarded ass question again. It was all my mind could muster to ask right now. 

"**_YES_**!" He roared. "I **do** understand! I **know** him better then all of you guys. I took the time to talk to him, to get to know him while all you guys _ever_ did was push him away. He's human just like everyone else. Just like me....." 

"Sora." I started and pinched the bridge of my nose. I was getting a headache all of a sudden. "You do realize, and if you don't by now there's more wrong with you then I thought, that Leon is out to kill you and Riku right. If he has that boy... he could kill him too. That in his mind he has a good reason too! And if you have the slightest idea where he could be you could ultimately be the reason that boy ends up dead." 

Sora gave me a shocked look. I'd made my point.

"Now... please if you... know anything.. or even suspect..." 

"I was only bluffing..." Sora squeaked. I wanted to smack him for lying so quickly. 

"Sora!" I hissed. He jumped and hugged himself really tightly. 

"....It's just a feeling I've got.... I mean.. the police have looked everywhere, or so they say, and haven't found Leon. I just thought maybe... he'd be somewhere _so_ close that they may have overlooked it that's all..."

I frowned and thought about that for a moment. Whoa... that was kind of clever of Sora. So close they'd over look it. Hmm... where could that possibly...

Oh my God.... No way...

Sora's anger faded away in that instant and he burst into tears. I realized he'd noticed I'd figured it out. He'd just given me Leon's whereabouts without really meaning to. He'd just signed Leon's death warrent. Sora looked so pale and like he would faint any minute. But when I tried to go to him, he held up his hand telling me to keep my distance. I was at my wits end at this point. Sora's outburst had been long coming... he'd been holding this all inside for so long....

"I just wanted to help him.... I'm just a weak, pathetic little boy... I can't do anything right.... I couldn't even protect Riku..." Sora sank to his knees and covered his face. I didn't try to go and comfort him again. Now I understood...

Everyone always looked to Sora to be the perfect caring innocent little boy he used to be. He was trying so hard to keep up that image of himself. People, myself included, just always had this certain perfect little boy next door image of him... I guess... I guess I hadn't noticed he'd grown up. But then, when he finally screwed up, when he finally made a mistake, everyone felt the full affect of it. He must of thought the only one it would concern was himself. He'd put himself in this situation full prepared to deal with the consequences on his own. I'm sure... he never expected it to go this far though. 

"You're wrong Sora... I don't want to hurt Leon. I read his diary... I want to help him too... I'm just really mad at him right now. For what he did to you and Riku. You may not think it was wrong for him to sleep with you... even if you said yes. But he took advantage of you and your feelings. He _used_ you. I just don't understand why you don't get that yet...." 

You know... I have some strange feeling Sora really wanted to be telling this stuff to Riku and not me.

"....I know that already... But I don't care. When you really think about it, so has everyone else." Sora was only sniffling now, but I could barely understand what he was trying to get at with this.

".... Used me. You all used me to save your asses back then.... I never once complained or asked for _anything_ in return. I never even wanted to really do it. But I faced up to my destined responsibility and did it. True you guys all tried to help... but you really couldn't do anything. I was all on my own in the end... I'm sure though, without everyone's constant support I wouldn't have made it.... I _wanted_ the help back then. But now... when I try to do things on my own everyone wants to butt in..." 

I glared at the wall past Sora's head and thought about _that_ for a second...

"**_This _**is out of your hands now!" I hissed in extreme frustration. I can't believe he just said all of that nonsense. What was worse was that he believed it. "You just contradicted yourself like, 50 times.... What the hell's wrong with you? This isn't about... how could you even.... What kind of adult would I be if I just sat back and let this go on?! I already hate myself for letting it happen in the first place..." 

I sat down on my bed and took a shuddery breath. I was tired of arguing now. It was pointless yelling at Sora. He was so confused right now. Hell, I was fucking confused right now.... 

I wish Seph was here...

"Sora..." I said while taking a breath. Lets try this again. Without the yelling and swearing this time. "What do you want to do....? Whatever it is... just name it..." 

I would help him in anyway I could.

"I don't know... I just want this to be over..." 

I nodded, more so to myself and stared at the wall across from me. There had to be something we could do... someway we could help. But what? The police were on extreme alert right now. I'm sure if Leon was even spotted once he'd be shot to death... He had no chance in Hell of making it out of this alive now.... But considering who Leon was... he probably knew all that already. It just baffled me the police haven't found him yet... And no one has seen him, even when he came out of hiding to snatch that boy...

"It's not Leon...." Sora suddenly said softly. My head snapped up of its own accord and I locked my eyes on him. Whatever he'd just said had given me the strangest idea.... it was right on the tip of my tongue.. but I didn't know how to word it...

"Not him...?" I said slowly and let that thought roll around in my mind for moment. Sora was shaking his head slowly. 

"I... never told you this... because.. Well it sounds ridiculous even to me... But.. sometimes Leon would seem like a completely different person sometimes. One minute he'd be wanting to hold me and cuddle me then... he'd start yelling and screaming at me for no reason. And I hadn't even done anything. It scared me at first but... I guess I got used to it. I was with him for over a year by myself... I saw him do some pretty odd things..." 

I just blinked and let that cryptic information sink in. 

"....Once... he was looking at himself in the mirror... This freaked me out by the way... He was... talking to himself... I don't mean like just commenting on his image and saying stupid things about how good he looked or anything. I mean he was having an actual conversation with **himself**... and _someone_ else... It was like... every time he answered himself... his voice would get a little huskier and he'd swear a lot. Then he'd say something else and be... Leon... I don't know how to explain it...

Sora turned to look at me. He had that same haunted expression on his face when he told me about his secret a few days back. I felt dizzy from how creepy this was starting to be. 

"He calls himself some pretty nasty things too sometimes... I mean... Leon has this extreme level of self hatred going on. He's always downing himself... hurting his own feelings..." 

Sora was starting to stand up and he walked slowly over to the window in my room. It was snowing outside for the fifth time today. Sora put his palms on the glass and said.

"Sometimes he's Leon.... and then he's not.... It's like.... 2 people in one body... but... if that's the case... Who's this other person... and why is he so angry with Leon to where he'd do such terrible things to get him in trouble?" 

Sora pulled his hands away from the glass and turned around. I frowned, thinking hard about his comments. I was so lost right now. I bet Seph would know what Sora was talking about. But... I had a strange feeling I knew what Sora meant too... I just couldn't remember what it was called right now...

"This other person... in Leon..." 

I got it!!!

"Personality!" I breathed wide eyed and stood up. Sora gave me a blank look for a second.

"Sora.. Oh my God... Oh my God... I've heard of this before... Oh shit... Leon has...." I waved my hands around trying to trigger a memory I'd known I had but couldn't recall right now.... "Um, Uh, what did Seph call it?"

I racked my fingers through my hair and stared around the room for anything to help me form the words. "Disassociative.... Two people in one... A multiple... Ah YES!!" I snapped my fingers and felt a grin on my face.

" Disassociative multiple personality disorder!" Wow.... that's long... I can't believe I remembered it. I walked up to Sora and smiled widely.

"Sora, It makes so much sense now, why we've never seen it before. It's because of you, Sora. Leon loves you, as well as this.... other person, and it wasn't until you showed up that he/she/it started to come out... You... triggered something...."

Sora's mouth was hanging open in utter shock. It was all so fucking clear now. I'm amazed we'd never come to this conclusion before. Not that it was painfully obvious or anything. But it made sense. Some really creepy sense. We have to tell the police. 

"This isn't good Cloud..." Sora said softly. My triumphant smile fell flat. Sora hugged himself close and gave me a horrified look. "Cloud, if what you say is true.... Then this other personality... **_hates_** Riku... Hates him enough to want to kill him..." 

Man... once again my slightly good mood was completely destroyed. Sora was right. But we couldn't be sure just which personality, assuming our new discovery was **even** right, really wanted to hurt Riku, and which one was in love with Sora. 

It could be both. And how could we even tell? 

This is scary....

"So what do we do.... I bet if we explained this to Seph he'd be able to tell us for sure if Leon really does have multiple personalities..... We could explain all those weird things he does and..."

"How would _he_ know if Leon's schizophrenic or not?" Sora asked cutting me off. I gave Sora a blank look before I frowned. 

"I thought I told you he's a doctor... A psychologist actually."

Sora gave me this very angry glare. I raised my hands in confusion. 

"So..., you let Riku stay with Sephiroth so he could analyze him or something? Are you crazy? Does Riku _know _this?"

"Er... no.. It's not like that Sora. Seph wouldn't mix his work with his personal life." I tried to explain. Sora's expression didn't change, actually his glare got even more intense.

"Riku _doesn't_ know. Is that what you're saying? I don't care what _you_ say. Sephiroth won't be able to help not trying to figure out what's '**wrong**' with Riku. So much for being his 'friend'." 

"No Sora, that's not what's going on. I told Seph to take Riku to his place so he could just have some time to himself. That's it. Seph says he's doing better actually." 

God.. it was just one thing after another. 

"Is that so? You aren't worried about them being alone in Sephiroth's place together? There's no telling what Riku might try considering what he's gone through...." Sora trailed off and looked suddenly upset with saying that out loud to me.

I faltered. What? Huh? Who....? Why did Sora only assume _Riku_ would try something?

"Cloud, I know Riku. Just as well as I know myself . For all I know he's the one who suggested going back to Sephiroth's place. He's mad at _me_ for being with Leon first... He probably hates me for it and openly blames me for him being raped... But I suggest you keep a very close watch on what goes on over there.... You may end up loosing your boyfriend by the time all of this is over." 

And Sora ended that topic by turning his back to me. I kept thinking about it though. Was that a threat? Was he telling me Seph would fall for Riku? Or that Riku would break us up somehow? I was suddenly very disturbed. Seph wouldn't lie to me would he? He'd tell me everything that was happening over there right? In **_vivid gruesome _**detail? 

I was starting to feel sick....

"If we show Leon's diary to the police... maybe they'll calm down with the 'shoot first ask questions later' motto they seem to be going by now. If we can just get Leon to calm down... And give Tim back safe and sound..." Sora was telling this to me but I was barely paying him any attention. 

"Cloud, did you hear me? If we go to the police now with Leon's diary..."

"I heard you..." I whispered. I lied. I ran a shaky hand through my hair. "We need to explain how this all started... in detail... And I mean _every_ _single thing _that lead up to this point..." I turned to Sora and saw him wiping at his eyes and staring at the tear drops on his finger tips for a second before I went on. 

"...That means we have to tell them about your affair with Leon... And with you being under aged it will be considered rape... err, statutory rape no matter what you say..." I licked my lips. "Then about Riku's **rape**... about you two living with Leon... about his mood swings... him being an alcoholic... everything...." 

I sighed and stared the floor.

Leon's going to jail.

No matter what we do... and if **not** jail a _mental institution_...

That... might actually be good for him considering.....

"So are you going to tell Sephiroth all of this?" Sora asked, now curled up in the corner again. He was at least looking at me this time. I didn't answer at first. I was still thinking about Sora's warning to me about Riku and Seph.

"Yeah... eventually. I just need to figure out a few more details...." 

"Did you figure out where I think Leon might be...?" Sora said hesitantly. I gave him a side long glance and rubbed the back of my head. Oh yeah... I'd figured it out. Dumb ass cops. What the hell was making them avoid searching that place anyway.

"The old abandoned inn in district 2..." I said softly to Sora. His bottom lip trembled as he nodded a forced yes. Deep down, he really didn't want that Tim boy hurt. He was afraid for Leon as well though.

"Sora.... do you think he'd still be there after all of this time?" I wondered. Considering. Leon was pretty much trapped like... a rat if he stayed in this city. And now lugging that boy around with everyone keeping an eye out for him... With the police practically swarming the streets... How the hell did he manage to do it without being spotted?

"I told you before Cloud... It's not Leon somehow... The way he thinks, acts, talks, even his mannerisms are different when he's... not being him.... And for all we know... he could even _look_ different in this state he's in...." Sora almost seemed to be just talking to himself. Throwing out random ideas... How did he know so much about this anyway...?

Riku...

That's right. Sora's dealt with this before. When Riku was taken over by the darkness. He _was_ Riku... but at the same time _not_ Riku... In mind nor in physical body....

"So there's a strong possibility... that when people _see_ Leon.. they don't **_see_** Leon...."

?????

I just confused the hell out myself.... What was I trying to say anyway? I need help with this... But I wasn't going to bother Sora anymore about it. He'd actually helped me a lot just now. More then I could have possibly even imagined. 

"I'm gonna call Seph, okay." 

Sora frowned slightly but nodded and went silent. He must still be mad at me for letting Riku stay with a 'doctor'.... Can't I ever win. I went over to the phone and picked it up. I stared at it for a long time, probably 20 minutes, before I dialed a number I knew so well I didn't even have to look at the buttons to press it in. I felt nervous, like I was calling for the very first time all over again. 

But I had to speak to him.

I had to speak to Seph.

------

Sephiroth

------

I think I'm going to stop watching the news. Every time I turn it on it's something bad. And lately all of this bad news has me connected to it somehow. 

So Leon kidnapped that Tim boy. I didn't know him but Cloud's friend Aeris did. I didn't even know what the kid looked like. He was taken home before Cloud and I reached Aeris's house that night. Damn these lazy ass police officers. I swear... if this where back at home... Tim would have been found by now. If this cops would stop pussy footing around all ready. I was much inclined to call up the police station, tell them who I was, and just continue the search myself...

Er... no... I won't... I promised myself I wouldn't return to that life. Ever...

No matter what...

But with each passing moment I could feel that familiar surge of adrenaline starting to kick in. Any minute now I was going to go into General mode... Just what exactly I was going to do was beyond me right now though. I did however have a slight idea of where Leon could be hiding.... And if he was there, why the police had avoided looking at all.

Hmm... I wonder if I should call the police and anonymously tip them off. Hell, I may be completely right and if they go to look and find him... They'll shoot Leon down like a wild boar or something. 

No...

I won't say anything... I don't know what Cloud wants to do. Even though my better judgment was telling me to end this whole mess as quickly as possible and save that Tim boy. This **whole** mess involved the **whole** city now. Everyone was watching and waiting for the next news update to see if anything has changed or happened. It must be horrible for Tim's parents. I kind of wanted to laugh though. No one really took Leon being dangerous.... and armed... to seriously at first. But now that he'd supposedly kidnapped a child.... it was the talk of the town. I went out to pick up a few things and it was all I heard about just about everywhere I went. Even the cashier at the grocery store mentioned it to me. I felt on the spot when he did too.... because I knew more then even the news did...

You know what.... I need a drink... I don't mean water either...

I glanced over to my left and sighed. Riku was busying himself with my laptop. He was playing some game that I hadn't know was on there in the first place. He'd been bugging me with really intense stares as of late. I had to find something for him to do that would keep him from staring at me. Well... his stares weren't so much as bugging me as making me uncomfortable. I hadn't forgotten about that kiss a few days ago. 

Damn it.... I can't drink and he's here....

I turned completely to watch Riku and caught myself really getting into looking at his movements. He was really very graceful for a 17 year old boy with no real training in anything. He told me he used to do some martial arts and fencing when he lived on his island. He was technically 2 years out of practice. But the fluidity of his movements was far more graceful then someone who wasn't trained at all. 

He shifted his shoulders slightly and sat up straighter in the chair and I frowned at his posture. He slumped a lot. It was obvious he just recently started doing that though. He kept righting himself every few minutes. That was a distinctive trait of someone who was normally very proud of themselves. Who was normally in control. Well, Riku wasn't anymore....

I frowned and tilted my head slightly, not blinking once as I just kept staring. Bad Sephiroth, Bad, bad, bad. 

Riku absently pushed his silvery tinted tresses behind his ear then rubbed the back of his neck. I heard him sigh once before he went back to mashing buttons. His right hand flicked out once to mess with the wireless mouse briefly. 

Stop staring before he turns around. **Stop**.

Riku glanced over his shoulder and I turned back to the black TV screen. I couldn't pretend I was watching this television because, well, there wasn't anything on it at the moment. I wonder if he saw me watching him. 

Out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking back at me, his game forgotten. I shifted slightly out of... was I nervous? And looked around the room to appear to be minding my own business. 

Oh my God... I _am_ nervous...

"Seph?" Riku said softly. 

Fuck! He was paying attention to me now. His attention span was very short when it came to things that _didn't_ concern me. Ever since that little kiss a few days ago he's been constantly in my way. Not in an a annoying sense. He's just become suddenly very interested in me. And that bothers me.

He was getting out of his chair at the computer desk and heading my way. I swallowed hard and cleared my throat quietly. Nyah.... what was going to happen next I wonder. 

"Are you alright....?" Riku asked crawling onto the couch. He kept his distance but was still close enough for me to catch the aroma of the scented shampoo he'd talked me into buying coming from him. Hmmm... it smelled really nice. _His_ scent by itself was nice too..

ACK! What am I saying!?

"You look.... kind of nervous..." Riku went on softly. His eyes did one of those up and down motions across my body and I froze. Was he.... sizing me up. And _how_ did he guess I was feeling fidgety right now?!

Stop looking at me like that!

"I'm not nervous..." I lied. That made me sound weak. I hated it. I had to correct Riku right away.

"I'm anxious." There... that sounded better. Even if it was only half true.

Riku tilted his head and gave me a wide eyed expression. He reminded me a very curious kitten when he did that. 

"Oh.... Why are you anxious?" He asked softly with a slight smile on his lips. There it was _again_. He was looking me up and down. What the Hell?

I stared blankly at him for a moment. I couldn't think of what to say to him to explain why I was shaky. If I did he'd probably be scared away. Most of the thoughts centered around sex, Cloud, a craving for expensive wine, and him. of Riku. Not in that order by the way. Cloud, sex, and Riku where the first on my list. The alcohol is what I needed to sedate myself. 

The sex and Cloud part made me feel all fuzzy too...

Mmmm...

Cloud....

"It's Cloud isn't it?" Riku whispered. My eyes widened and I turned away from Riku so I could gape without him seeing me do it. Such perceptiveness this boy had. Put me to shame really.

"You don't have to hide it. I know you miss him." Riku was closer to me now. I turned back, not facing him, just turned back, so I could listen to him. My mind was clouded... hehhe, see, I can't get him out of my head, my mind was _blurry_ right now so I barely caught a word Riku said. 

"Why don't you just go and see him?" Riku asked. I shook my head without really knowing what I was responding to. Riku seemed confused by that and inched a little closer. 

"You do want to see him don't you?" He said just a wisp away from my ear. I lurched away from him. What was he trying to do to me. It was bad enough that I was having even slight sexual thoughts about him. He was rubbing it in!

"I do want to see Cloud. But I have to stay here with you." I explained as calmly as I could. I felt like yelling though. Riku smirked and sat back on his knees. That's when I realized how close to me he'd actually been. He could have kissed me again if he'd wanted to.

"You leave me here alone to go get groceries and stuff. So why not just go to Cloud's place?" 

He was right. But if I went to Cloud's apartment, I'd be gone for much longer then 20 or 30 minutes. More like days. 

"No. It's not right. You can't see Sora so I can't see Cloud.... It's only fair I suppose."

No this really wasn't fair. On either end. Riku should get to see Sora. But he couldn't. I mean, I could easily solve both of our problems and take Riku with me to Cloud's house. But that would be... counterproductive. There's no telling what Riku and Sora might do... I know _exactly_ what Cloud and I will be doing though. 

God, I miss my boyfriend!!!!

Riku was giving me this knowing smirk and I found myself frowning. 

"Wow. You've got a lot of will power." He said and unfolded his legs from underneath himself so he could sit normally on the couch. I inched farther away from him and he started to follow me. 

"But you know.... this problem could be.. solved even easier if..." Riku trailed off and his face flushed red almost all over. I felt my mouth go dry because I **_knew_** what he was going to suggest. 

"I could... I mean... we could..." Riku stopped talking and started to run his, extremely hot, palms over my thigh. I was rooted on the spot and just kept staring into Riku's eyes as he did. Something about his touch just... ugh.. I don't know... I was more powerful then Cloud's somehow.

I couldn't move to stop him as his hand just barely caressed my inner thigh then worked its way up to the juncture of my leg and pelvis. I took a shuddery breath besides myself and felt my eyes droop. 

Oh no... this... shouldn't feel it his good...

Riku crawled up over me and buried his face into my neck. His breath was warm and moist against my skin. When he started to trail kisses over my collar bone I couldn't even attempt to stop the moan that escaped my lips. I don't know what was turning me on more. Being _with_ Riku and _not_ Cloud. Or just being touched at all after so much time....

That thought made me feel suddenly very guilty and I started to push Riku away. He stopped my hand with his free one and looked me in the eyes. He didn't say anything, but his lips parted into a very _pretty_ smile. His cheeks were still red too. He leaned in and kissed me oh so softly and I swear all of the breath rushed from my lungs. When he pulled back and looked at me for a moment I was almost gasping. He was testing my lips. 

"Just.... let me do this... for a while..." Riku whispered. I didn't really know what he was talking about until his free hand started _rubbing_ me very slowly. The surge of pleasure that went through my body was indescribable. I flopped back onto the couch and gasped openly then. I couldn't help it anymore. It was torture trying to fight it....

Riku closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss me again. I groaned and kissed him back once. He grinned and started rubbing me in a more rhythmic motion. My back arched of it's own accord and I grabbed Riku's shoulders to brace myself. **Plus....** I'd almost thrown him off of me. 

"See... it's okay isn't it... just to do this a little..." Riku whispered and I opened my eyes to look at him. He had this disturbing wistful look on his face that told me he was just as turned on as I was. I really couldn't tell through his clothes though. But he was enjoying this.... maybe a little to much. 

"Seph.." He breathed and ran his hand under my shirt. I shuddered like I'd just been doused in cold water and gasped a few times. Riku had stopped so suddenly. I wasn't ready for that. He was barely doing anything too. Cloud and I'd done far more then this.... Why was I getting so hot over... barely a hand job.

It's because it wasn't Cloud that was doing it....

Riku pushed my shirt up enough to expose my lower abdomen and he leaned over and started kissing my skin softly. I gasped silently and made no attempt to stop him. Not because I was so far gone in lust that I couldn't stop him, it was because he wanted to do this.... and I wanted him to go on....

I wasn't going to sleep with this boy... I wasn't .... but if he wanted to feel me up... I could handle that... I guess... I think...

It _was _for the sake of 'helping Riku get over his rape'.

But I wasn't going to sleep with....

My thought was cut short instantly when I felt a very warm hand wrap around me. I hadn't even noticed Riku had gotten that far with my pants. Damn draw strings! I'd done this with Cloud enough to know how much I like it. .

And... Riku was good at it too...

Okay..

I think...

I'm..

....going... to black out...

"Riku..." I breathed. This shouldn't feel this good. This different. I'd done this dozens of times with Cloud and it never felt like this....

"Riku..." 

No way... it hasn't even been 5 minutes... I'm... not about to...

"Riku..." 

I hissed between my teeth and Riku pulled back to look up at me, his hand still securely around me. He'd been whispering sweet nothings in my ear for most of the time. His eyes were clouded in ecstasy and he blinked a few times. 

"Stop." I said. It was final. I wiggled from under his small frame and put myself back in my pants once I'd turned my back to Riku. He was silent. I didn't know what to say to him either. I spent about 5 good minutes pulling at my hair for letting what just happened happen.... I can't believe I actually let it get that far...

"It was just a hand job." Riku said stiffly. He sounded offended by me pulling away. I was so upset with myself I could do anything but massage my scalp for a moment. 

JUST!?

Just a hand job?.... That sounded really....

"Do you do this all of the time then?" I sighed after I said that. Fuck.... I had not meant to say that out loud.

"No." Riku said quickly. 

I let go of my hair finally and stood up. I could feel Riku's eyes on me. 

"Then why now, Riku? Why with me?" I almost yelled. I was still rather turned on and the lingering affect was making my legs feel weak and shaky. 

"Because I wanted to. Because I like you... If I'd known you were going to trip over something so small I'd just have gone ahead and sucked you off." 

I know I was gaping like a fool. Well, Riku was blunt wasn't he? I guess I'd asked for that somehow. 

"T.. t.. that's beside the point." I stuttered and covered my mouth. It was not good that I was at a loss for words at a time like this. Riku smiled slightly and stood up. He didn't walk up to me but I took a step back.

"I don't see anything wrong with expressing how I feel about you. I mean... you enjoyed it didn't you? And you _don't_ love me right? So it's okay then. As long as you still love Cloud that's all that matters." 

I let my hand drop to my side. Had this boy lost his mind? What the hell was wrong with him? As long as I still loved Cloud...? 

Oh shit.... wait a minute...

"Why would you even mention that? Of course I still love Cloud." I had to see if Riku knew what was going on. If he'd somehow found out what Cloud had put me up to... this was not good at all. 

"Then there's no problem. Besides..." Riku walked up on me then and I found myself almost bending over backwards over my futon. I didn't want Riku this close to me right now. There was this strange uncomfortable aura radiating from him that I didn't like.

"What Cloud doesn't know won't hurt him." Riku whispered and tried to kiss me again. I pushed him away with more force then last time. He gave me a hurt, almost angry, expression. I wanted to smack him for saying that. Whatever drug he was on he'd better get off of it right now!

"What the Hell's wrong with you? It's not like we're **_fucking_** or anything. I just felt bad for obligating you... That's all. I mean, you can't see Cloud because of me. I just wanted to pay you back for you kindness.... It's not like you have to do this..."

I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. I instantly felt bad for shoving Riku. But what he said hurt me deeply. I'd never cheat on Cloud, for any reason. And if I did I'd tell him and suffer the consequences. But for Riku to so openly and easily throw himself at me... It was just... wrong...

"What you said is only half true isn't it?" I asked Riku and sat down on the futon. He kept standing though. The look on his face was unreadable but bordering on extremely pissed. 

"This is only partially about you 'repaying me for my kindness. It's about Sora sleeping with Leon." 

There. *sigh* I said it.

Riku was silent for a long time. I was staring at the carpet wondering what would happen next. 

"Fuck you!" Riku roared and started to turn to leave. I reached forward and grabbed his wrist. I snatched him back and made him look at me. 

"I'm right aren't I. You're doing this as a way to get back at Sora." 

I was mad now. Very, very mad. 

Riku bit his inner jaw and looked away from me. I pushed past him and walked halfway across the room. 

"So what, that whole act about liking me was just a way for you to trick me into feeling sorry for you?! So you could worm your way into my bed! Is that it?" 

If Cloud was only here to see this. I can't believe I'm yelling at this kid. It's been a long time since I had to yell at anyone really. It felt weird. It took a lot to get me mad. And I wasn't so enraged that I was out of control. I'd just never had anyone try to fuck with me like this....

"No!" Riku cried. His voice sounded like he was bordering on the verge of tears. I didn't care at the moment though. For a boy he sure does cry a lot. *sigh*

"That's... not the whole reason.... I... I really do like you... I thought it's what you wanted.. I mean... I didn't know you and Cloud were so serious.... I swear I wasn't trying to..." 

And there went the tears. Riku sat down on the couch and covered his face. I shook my head but stayed where I was. I wasn't going to comfort him again. He might end up really giving me a blow job next time. 

This was so fucked up...

I had to most definitely tell Cloud about this... To Hell with his plan. I refuse to put myself in the middle of this anymore. I know now that I can't handle the repercussions that may come. This whole emotional fiasco was beyond even my abilities now. 

And I think what makes this whole situation so much more is that; I wasn't thinking about Cloud during the touching and kisses. 

I was thinking about Riku...

I was mentally... and damn near physically cheating on my boyfriend. 

"Why me Riku...?"

There was that question again. Hadn't he already answered this once already?

"...I don't know... Because you aren't Sora... because you aren't Leon... Because I like you... and because you love Cloud..."

Riku's voice was muffled and he took a second to wipe back his tears. When he looked at me I noticed he hadn't been crying as hard as I thought he had been. He wasn't sobbing... The tears were just breaking free... Hmm...?

"It's because you're safe."

I frowned in absolute confusion. I did a mental archival of all of my studies in psychology in the blink of an eye. I knew I'd heard this somewhere before. This theory one of my professors had. Safe. Safe? What was this? When a patient expresses infatuation for his or her doctor... When a patient expresses love interests with his or her... 

???

!!!

"You think I can help you get over your rape by sleeping with you?" 

__

Well... it didn't sound all that intelligent... but it was to the point.

"Yes." Riku breathed.

Bingo...

*sigh*

Nooooooooo!

This is all Cloud's fault. 

"How can I...?"

"Because **you** aren't after me... Because I'm **not** afraid of you..." Riku said softly and stood up. I didn't step back or shove him away. I let him pull me into a warm hug. This wasn't bad.... As long as he wasn't trying to force himself on me anymore...

"I've... Leon was my _first_ to tell you the truth... Sora and I've never really shared positions before. After Leon.... hurt me... I couldn't even stand to have Sora kissing me... It always felt like Leon was there somehow... But with you... I don't feel like I'm being forced to do anything..."

That's because **_you're_** doing the forcing.

I didn't say _that_ out loud though.

"Riku... why didn't you just tell Sora this?" I looked down at the top of Riku's head and was almost inclined to run my fingers through his hair. But at this moment that seemed a bit _too_ comforting. I'll just keep my hands at my sides....

".. I tried to... I didn't know how to bring it up... I think Sora started to feel it was him that was causing the problem. It's not that I don't want to be intimate with him... I'm just afraid to be..."

I understood exactly how Riku felt. It was the same for me back when I was raped all of those times. I think it was because I had Zack there that I got through that period of Hell and shame. Riku had plenty of people to help him in this, but he didn't seem to want it from them. I didn't understand why he....

Oh!

Wait a minute! I do know why. When I met Riku that day at 7th Heaven, I was just a stranger to him. But he almost instantly took a liking to me. I could tell _something_ was on his mind. Something he wanted to talk about. He was almost very close to actually sitting down and getting to know me. Cloud told me later why he'd run off suddenly and I ended up with that Yuffie girl waiting on me. 

I'd bonded with Riku.... on a pure chance meeting. He probably never expected to even _see_ me again. Let _alone_ be staying with me for awhile. 

Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger.

"Riku." I said softly and tilted his chin up so he could look at me. He gazed at me with so much intensity I almost couldn't stop myself from pulling him into a tighter hug. 

"We'll go see Cloud and Sora in a few days. You just need some time to refresh, and so does Sora. Is that alright?"

I hoped this settled a few things in Riku's mind for now at least. He was such a intense person. I never would have guessed all of this was going on his head. I'm glad he told me. It must have been hard. I hadn't meant to force it out of him like this though. But in the end he seemed more then relieved to get it off his shoulders. 

Riku smiled so sincerely I couldn't help but smile back. His hug tightened around me and I patted his back. 

"And when we do. Please tell Sora how you feel. It's only fair that he knows all of this. He told you his story right....?" I trailed off. Well... Sora had only seemingly told him _some_ of it anyway. 

"Yeah.... I guess you're right...." Riku mumbled. He didn't sound to sure or very gleeful about the thought though. I know he'd do it eventually. He'd tell Sora how he felt and Sora would tell him the truth. Things would be settled.

I just hope this all worked out for the best.

God... I hope it does. 

The phone started to ring and I stared at it. I rang several times. From where I stood I could see the caller ID. 

It was Cloud.   


I didn't answer the phone.

-----

Leon

-----

"Please stop crying...." 

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration and bit my bottom lip. The boy Tim, was crying again after I'd tried to get him to stand up. He groaned and whimpered even though I was supporting his weight over my shoulder and burst into tears. It had been a few days since _he_... I mean since I.... I mean....

...Since **_I'd_** raped him....

I hadn't really bothered him much after that and just paced around the room while he slept. Strangely, I'd managed to keep my anger in check and hadn't once had a single outburst. It felt good to be some what calm and collected for once. Tim woke up to find me staring at him. He couldn't scream or yell or fight or anything. I hadn't meant to scare him. He was just really cute and looked so peaceful while he was asleep. I felt awful for hurting him... and I even tried to explain why I had... That it hadn't been me... But Tim just gave me this look that told me I was losing my mind. 

I am... I can feel it... With each passing moment I'm becoming less and less myself. And more and more like him....

And he wants to hurt Tim. Over and over and over again. 

The way he used to hurt me.

Over, and _over_, and **_over_** again.....

I gritted my teeth and winced from a sharp pain in my jaw. Tim had managed to kick me once really good across my chin. I wasn't mad at him for it. I'd deserved it. I'd contemplated a few times just letting the boy go. But I knew if he got to the police he'd tell them where I was. I wasn't going to threaten him not to say anything, I wasn't that kind of person. But then.... I didn't know _who_ I was anymore. Everything is so fucked up right now....

"Tim... please stop crying. I won't let him hurt you anymore... I promise..." 

It was an empty promise. I could barely keep _him_ from hurting _me_... Or getting me in trouble. But the boy didn't deserve this. I would try to protect him from myself..... For as long as I could manage. 

"Are you hungry...?"

I asked softly. Tim was only sniffling now. He looked up at me through pained blue eyes and just stared at me for a long time. I swallowed and leaned into him a little closer. 

"I.... can get you something to eat if you are..."

__

"There's no point in feeding someone who's already dead!"

I grimaced and closed my eyes to clear the haze that washed over me for a brief moment. His voice echoed in my head so clearly I could swear he was standing right behind me. I didn't turn though because I knew on some level I was just imagining things. When I opened my eyes Tim was giving me this totally confused look. I blinked a few times and shook my head. 

"I.... I mean... I have some soup if..."

__

"I swear I'll slit the little fuckers throat if he so much as whimpers again."

I paused and stared wide eyed into Tim's clear blue eyes. He looked like he wanted to ask me what was wrong. He couldn't with the gag in his mouth. I couldn't even begin to tell him what was wrong anyway. I wasn't sure myself really. I shook my head again and stepped away from Tim where he lay on the bed. If I just kept my distance _he'd _stop saying such horrible things. Whatever _he_ thought about I couldn't seem to see... but he could see and hear my thoughts just fine.... There were a few times I'd managed to read what he was doing... Like when he raped this boy.. But that was the only time.... Even so... I couldn't do anything to stop him.... 

"I'm alright... I just need..." I paused. I didn't know what I needed to do really. I fished around in my coat pocket looking for the strips of beef jerky I'd found a few days ago just magically in there. I guess _he_ must have put them in there.... I was content to chew on dried meat of a while. Besides I didn't know if I was stable enough to try and open a can of soup with only my pocket knife. I might cut myself up. Tim would have to eat the jerky for now. 

Oh wait.. It's time for my medicine...

I picked up the little brown bottle and poured one of the tablets into my hand before I walked back over to Tim. He inched away from me again when I kneeled down on the floor. 

"It's alright. I'm just going to give you something to eat okay." 

I reached over and started to take Tim's gag off. But before I did I had to tell him something.

"Please... don't scream." I wasn't _trying_ to scare him. Just warn him. I _wasn't_ going to hurt him if he screamed. But _he_ would. And someone might hear.

"Okay?" I asked softly. Tim nodded a few times without breaking his gaze on me. I knew he'd stay quiet. He was to terrified to scream anyway. I knew what that was like. To want to be helped.... but be to horrified to ask for it....

I knew all to well...

I pulled the gag out of his mouth and lowered it to his neck. He moved his jaws for a moment and coughed. I opened the jerky and stood up. 

"I hope this helps your hunger a bit... Sorry I can't get you anything better."

I helped him sit up and leaned him against the wall. He was trying extremely hard not to be afraid of me. He seemed like he wanted to find out what was up with me.... like he could tell things were off somehow. 

"Here." I said and held up the jerk strip to his mouth. He eyed it for a moment then looked up at me. 

"Go on.... It's not poison or anything..." I insisted. Tim's eyes widened for a brief moment in surprise but he leaned forward to take a bite. When he did I felt a little better knowing I was at least helping him slightly....

"Take your time. I have some water for when you're finished." I told him and sat on the far side of the bed to take my medicine. It was starting to work much faster the more I took it now. I was down to a only about 6 pills of 20. So far the news showed no new details about my whereabouts. That was a good thing really. I really didn't want to be caught... not until I could really explain what was wrong with me without sounding like a raving lunatic. I probably am a lunatic by now though...

Tim was looking at me like he was ready for another bite of jerky. I stood up an went to sit next to him again so I could feed him. He didn't hesitate eating for the rest of the time at all. I smiled slightly at that. 

"You.... know something's wrong with me don't you...?" I had to ask. Maybe this boy could see what I couldn't and explain it to me...

Tim gave me a confused look and I sighed with a slight shake of my head. 

"Uh.. forget I asked...." I said and tore off some jerky for myself. Tim chewed slowly for a moment then swallowed. I wasn't expecting him to speak. I hadn't really heard him talk. Only scream in pain at me...

"....Are... are you sick?..."

I looked up at the boy and he blinked and flinched away from me. He look scared again. I guess he thought it was wrong of him to ask me anything...

"I... I don't know really... Maybe. Probably.... Yeah... I am..."

Tim looked around the room we were in for a moment as he let my notion sink in. He was probably trying to make an escape plan in his head now that he knew for sure I was a fucking psycho. 

"...I'm not sure what it is... But sometimes I feel like I can't control myself... I do things and don't remember doing them... I hurt people and then...." I ran a hand over my face and closed my eyes. What the hell was I saying? I don't understand any of this...

"....You're a schizophrenic...."

My eyes snapped open and I stared at the boy like he'd said the most enlightening thing I'd ever heard. I'm a what? How did he come to that conclusion?

"A what?" I started. I knew what a schizophrenic was I just asked that on impulse. It sounded... more real somehow having said it myself. It's just... the thought of comparing myself to one was ridiculous. I knew what those people were like... I dealt with them almost routinely way back when. Homeless crazies disrupting the peace in a downtown area. Fed up blue collar workers shooting up their departments in a flash of rage. They always claimed they had no control over themselves... that they didn't remember. A few of them I didn't believe... but some of them... it was in their eyes... They really had no clue what they'd done or even remembered it. They couldn't even think if they'd premeditated it or not....

Oh my God.....

I gave time a stunned expression. It probably looked more crazed in his eyes. He was suddenly terrified of me again and tried to inch away from me, into the wall. I stood up and ignored him for a moment....

I'm... I'm crazy... I'm sick... Why... why didn't my doctor diagnose me being a schizophrenic? How could he have missed it....? I mean... I'd only seen the illness but I wasn't sure how it worked. I just knew, one moment the people were like rage filled wild animals, that we had to use tranquilizer darts on to calm down, then, all of a sudden they were normal... pretty decent people... just having a bad day...

Yes!

I was pacing back and forth now across the small space of the room. This was all starting to make some sense. People who suffer from multiple personality syndrome don't show any signs of having the illness until certain points called 'breaking points.' They get so fed up... that they just lose it.... It's like every dark thought, every hateful thing they've ever imagined manifests itself as a physical being. 

A physical being....

Me...

Seifer...

How weird... I... I knew who my other self was. But... it wasn't some person created from my most sinister thoughts... I actually knew the person I was changing into....

This was new....

So... Am I just acting out how Seifer used to be...?

Or is he somehow acting through me...?

And why..?

I thought he was... No.. I saw him...

I did it myself....

How could he possibly be...

Alive...

__

"I'll never let you go Squall. I told you. You. Are. Mine. Now and forever."

I heard his voice, clear as a bell in my head. I'd remembered him saying that... Just a memory. But it was like he was standing right there reminding me of that fact. 

His forever....

I shivered and hugged myself tight. I felt cold and suddenly scared. I had this strange feeling Seifer was just going to jump out on me from the shadows and try to hurt me... I absently stepped into the light of my heater near the bed and looked around. It was deathly silent. I couldn't even hear Tim breathing anymore. I turned around to look at the boy and noticed he was lying down again. The jerky half eaten. 

He was asleep. He either no longer cared if I hurt him or was just to tired to worry. Probably the latter for now... I wasn't going to bother him. I was still trying to figure things out. As soon as I knew what was really going on... I'd... Turn myself in and try to get help. I'm going to give Tim back safe and sound... well.... at least sound... He'd already been hurt... How am I going to explain that....?

Enough of that. That's for me to figure out later....

Okay...

Breaking points.... It's always something small... something repetitive that seemed to cause all of those people with schizophrenia to snap. Something they dealt with every single day.... But on that day, it was somehow more dramatic....

Let's see.... I'm trying to figure out when I started feeling fed up about things... When I just couldn't take it anymore....

__

*whack*

"You're such a worthless fucking piece for trash. I can't believe I actually believed I could love someone like you...."

I flinched and bit my jaw. A sharp pain cracked up my side and I had to grip my side to soothe it away. The memory of that blow almost made me keel over in fear. I was only imagining it... But it felt so real... I couldn't really tell...

I whimpered and rubbed my side. It was just a dull throb... A reminder... 

__

"Fuck! You ruin everything! This is all of your fucking fault. Maybe if you just got down on your knees and did what you do best things wouldn't be so fucked up like this!!"

I gasped and chocked on my own breath. I had to cough to clear my throat and more pain erupted up and across my body. My left arm suddenly felt like it was being tugged on very roughly and I felt a snap. I winced and looked away...

I was just imagining things.... I had to be....

I fell to my knees and rubbed my left arm. The snap was just a memory... the pain was all in the past... My ribs were healed now... I was out of the hospital... 

But the pain went on.... 

Day after day.... 

Hour after hour....

"You know. You're only good for 2 things Squall. Giving head, and getting fucked. As long as you're alive you should remind yourself of that every single day."

I'd gotten to point where I was afraid to ask him how his day had gone. Maybe I'd say it wrong... Maybe my voice was too loud... Maybe I just didn't have a right to ask at all.

"You're a whore. No body wants you. All you'll ever have is me. Your own fucking father disowned you the moment he met you. Even he can see your not worth it."

His friends were allowed to do and say anything they wanted to me. On more then one occasion I was nearly raped by them while he was out. Whenever I tried to tell him what they'd tried to do to me he'd just tell me I was begging for attention. 

"Don't ever question what I say. God so help you. If you ever talk back to me I'll cut your tongue out and tack it on the wall as a reminder to you. Never disobey me."

I didn't.... I never said no to anything he said. I never questioned anything. I just kept quiet. When he'd back hand me for looking away while he yelled at me I'd simply bite my tongue and hold in my tears. If he came home, drunk, high, at 5 in the morning, and decided he wanted to fuck. I spread my legs and let him. Even though he was so rough there'd be blood on the sheets the next morning... Even though I had to get up in 3 hours for work....

I did everything I could to make him happy....

But.... that was a long time ago... He couldn't hurt me anymore. He couldn't rape me in the middle of the night. His friends couldn't feel me up in the kitchen with him in the next room. He... couldn't push me down a flight of stairs anymore. He couldn't cheat on me on our anniversary...

He... he.... couldn't hurt me anymore....

I suddenly didn't feel so sure...

My eyes were watering. From pain and fear. The words cut to the bone. The blows broke them... The constant continuous physical and verbal abuse....The scars never healed. Every time I looked at my face in the mirror. That scar... one just like his... I'll never forget what he did to me.... I was trembling and almost sprawled across the floor. I laid down an attempt to calm my nerves. My body was shaking like I was having convulsions....

He won't let me... forget

Even now...

Spiteful bastard!

What did he _want_ from me?

He'd already hurt me enough....

What else could there be...?

I was so close to being somewhat happy again.

So close...

I learned to love again... I learned to trust and not to be afraid...

I hadn't cried in a long time. Not since that last time. That time that left me with this scar on my face... That **_last_** time...

But I was crying now. I... let him hurt me so much... And for what? Why? Because I deserved it? I used to feel that way. Like I asked for the pain. But then.... I'd never done anything to deserve it in the first place... Even when I obeyed... I was somehow disobeying...? 

I wiped at my eyes and looked at the tears on my fingers. If he caught me crying.... That used to make him so mad... To see me cry.... Even if he _was_ the reason I was crying... 

I looked around and roughly wiped my tears away. I couldn't break down like this... Not when I was so close to figuring all of this out. I would help myself by admitting to being ill....

That was it... That was the first step. 

I was to weak to push off of the floor so I just kept lying there. I had to take a few deep breaths and close my eyes before I could remember where I'd left off in my thoughts. I'd gotten swept away by the past for a moment.

Okay...

My breaking point must have been... When I caught Seifer cheating. I was so mad at him... I think... yeah... he came home and tried to explain himself to me. I shot at him twice with my Gunblade, I missed, and kicked him out... I'd wanted to kill him for hurting me like that... No wait.... that's not it... I got over that and let him move back in a week later.... 

God... I was so pathetic...

Okay....

Wait... I know...

It was the same night he gave me this scar....

That night... I'd been in a department store looking for a gift for him for his birthday. I got him this really expensive cologne. Even though I really couldn't afford to buy it. I dipped into our savings for it... I'd absently, without really thinking about it, sprayed some of the cologne on myself to see how strong it was....

I wanted to make him happy...

I was so proud of myself for getting him something I'd know he liked. I wrapped it in cute paper and put a blue bow on the top... I did everything...

I closed my eyes as the memory started to play out in my head....

I remember on my way home, it was rather gloomy out. For a summer day the weather was mucky and wet. But that was okay. I was in a good mood. I'd make Seifer happy today. I was almost home when some kid bumped into me and asked me if he could talk to me. I recognized him from being around the neighborhood. He had... really silvery white hair and piercing sea green eyes.... He's kind of creepy looking actually. I was in a hurry so didn't really pay him any mind. I just remember him tell me not to go home tonight. he said he was frightened for me. That he felt like something bad was going to happen to me. I barely knew this boy.... His dad was Seifer's boss.... Or something like that. That's how I knew him... I didn't take the time to acknowledge what he'd said to me. He wasn't going to ruin my mood. 

"Please Squall. I know what he does to you... Don't go home tonight..." He begged again. I ignored him and went on home. Not thinking about his warning again.

Seifer was supposed to be home at 7 o'clock for a candle lit dinner with me. He was turning 21. I sat around waiting for him. Watching the steam on his hot dinner dwindle with each passing moment. I tried to keep smiling, and saying to myself that he'd be home any minute. That he knew I wanted to spend his birthday with him....

Because I loved him...

I was half asleep when he walked through the door at 2 in the morning. I was too tired to be really mad at him though. I just figured... maybe he'd gone out with his buddies to drink. Legally this time... I was hurt that he didn't spend his birthday with me though... I'd wanted to.... baby him that night. To make love gently over and over again into the wee hours of the morning. To tell him that I forgave him for everything... That it was in the past.... 

We could still do those things today.... but it was so much more... symbolic to do it on his birthday... With him...

He noticed me dozing on the couch but didn't say anything to me. I said hi, and asked him what he'd been up to all night. He didn't respond. He looked tired.. and kind of upset. I smiled, and knew just what to do to make him feel better. I got up and went to heat up his cold birthday dinner. I was barely past him when he grabbed my arm and snatched me back to him. He had this suspicious look on his face. Like he was trying to figure out if I'd been up to something....

"What's wrong?", I asked him. He glared at me and suddenly just slammed me into the wall. I was so stunned the pain didn't register at first. I just looked at him.... wondering what he was so mad about all of a sudden. 

"What the fuck!?" He hissed and squeezed my shoulders. I was to afraid to say anything back to him... He slammed me into the wall again. I cried out....

"So this is what you do while I'm gone!"

He hadn't asked me that. He was telling me... whatever he was telling me... I was confused and started to ask him what he was talking about.... He shook me roughly and told me to shut the fuck up. 

I did.

He gave me one final shove into the wall and stepped away, pacing. I stayed close to the wall in case he wanted to shove me again. I was so used to this that I couldn't even bring myself to feel sad that he was hurting me. I was just... I didn't know why he was so mad this time...

What had I done while he was away?

"I do everything for you!" He yelled and punched the wall he was closet too. He left a hole in it. I flinched beside myself and he say it. 

"Scared?! You should be? Fucking whore! How dare you do this to me!" He had me in his grip again. I was trembling. I was so afraid at that moment. 

How dare I... do what?

I didn't understand....

I was so much smaller then Seifer. Just completely disregard that fact that I'm a man. Compared to Seifer... I'm a 13 year old girl in size and strength....

And I didn't _want_ to fight him back.... I couldn't hurt him. Believe me... I'd tried several times...

I guess he was tired of me silently denying having done anything and he hit me. Back hand to the face. I stumbled and caught myself on the couch. One blow and I was spitting up blood... Lots of it...

"And here I thought, I was going to come home and be with you on my birthday! How could you do this to me?!"

He turned me over and yanked me up. I was dizzy and could barely stand. I coughed and accidentally spattered blood on his face. He threw me on the floor and practically roared in his rage. I just tried to keep my distance. 

"... I don't... Whatever it is... I'm really sorry..." I said softly, crawling away. Seifer was suddenly over me, glaring down. I was afraid he was going to kick me but instead he just picked me up by my throat and shook me by it. I gagged and gasped but he didn't let go.

"It's all over you! You're sorry!? You think saying that is good enough?! You think that'll change the fact that your fucking someone behind my back!?" 

I froze in utter shock. 

Where... had he gotten that idea?

I'd never cheated on Seifer a day in my life while I was with him...

He'd been my first.... for the most part, in everything. He'd been my boyfriend since I was 15.... Cheat on him? With who? Everyone, accept his friends, knew to keep their hands off of me. His bastard buddies only got away with it because they could trick Seifer into believing I was lying somehow... But why would I cheat anyway?

I loved Seifer. I'd never hurt him like that.

Ever...

"Seifer... I didn't... I don't..." I started. He pushed me away and started pacing back and forth like a enraged lion in a cage. 

"Shut the fuck up!" He roared again. "I can _smell_ it on you! What, did you forget to take a shower or something? Forgot to cover your tracks? How long has this been going on?! For fucks sake, you always **_ruin_** everything don't you?!"

I looked down at myself expecting to find some kind of proof to clarify Seifer's claims. What was I looking for? Cum all over my shirt or something? How could he smell.... it? What was he talking about anyway....

When the realization hit me I almost burst into tears. How could he accuse me of sleeping around over something as petty as that. Oh my god...

The cologne from the department store... I'd sprayed it on myself earlier. 

And Seifer knew my cologne, as well as he knew his own. This scent was new.... 

I remember giving Seifer and pitying look. He took it the wrong way. 

"So you **_admit_** to it!" He said in disbelief. I shook my head and tried to correct him. I was to slow and couldn't avoid being grabbed again. He practically dragged me to our room. I tried to pull away and make more attempts to explain myself. I had to set him straight about this whole big mix up. 

"Seifer... wait. Please, just listen..." I managed to start. The second blow sent me reeling to the floor and I was to dizzy and in too much pain to try to do anything more. 

"**Didn't I tell you, you were mine!!" **Seifer practically spoke through his teeth. I remember how mad he was. He wanted to kill me. I'd done nothing wrong.... When he picked me up and tossed me onto the bed I just slowly tried to crawl away from him. I knew what he'd do next. He **_make_** me his again.... He was stripping down so fast his clothes looked like big blurs of color flying across the room. He didn't have much to take off of me. All I had on was my shirt from earlier and pajama bottoms. I was naked in 2 seconds. 

"Bitch! Little. Fucking. Slut!

I remember all of this very clearly... and I still can't believe I let him do it to me. He raped me like I was the vilest thing on the Earth... He put all of his strength into each time he took me... like he wanted to break me in half... I was on my stomach, his hand wrapped around my throat from behind, and him taking me over and over again until the sun peeked into our room. I couldn't even cry out in pain...

I was so mad at him. So fucking mad. All of the things he said to me that night. Each time he hit me... The false accusations... The bloody sheets, the bruises... all of it... I was so enraged that he hurt me like that...

But I wasn't going to say anything... He'd made a mistake... I'd forgive him eventually. And he'd forget about it....

That's how it always went...

But then... I watched him, from my spot sprawled across the bed that very same morning, pick up that pretty little box of white wrapping paper and a blue bow... I watched him rip it apart with a sneer on his face. I watched him take that barely 10.oz bottle of expensive cologne, the cologne I'd spent the last of my saved money on, and toss it aside like it was a rag doll. I was too stunned to sit up. But I followed the bottle with my eyes... followed it unblinkingly until it crashed into a million clear shards of glass and liquid against the floor. The scent instantly filled our room and I watched Seifer sniff the air. He mumbled...

"Where... do I know that scent from....?"

And he looked at me... I don't know what kind of expression I had on my face, but my eyes felt like they were bugging out. My head hurt because I was frowning so hard....

How could he do that?

That little bottle, that had cause me to be hit twice, slammed into the walls, chocked, then raped 7 times. That bottle had cause me to bleed....

And he'd tossed it aside....

His birthday gift...

That I'd picked out specifically for him...

For him...

Because I loved him...

I remember sitting up and crawling to stand out of the bed... I was still naked, soiled, dirty, bruised... I didn't care. I pulled on a shirt and pants and left the room. I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't be _here_ anymore... I'd had enough... I was done...

I'd put my shoes on and was about to open the back door. Seifer slammed it closed and almost caught me in it. I didn't turn around to look at him, I just turned and went to the back door. Not saying a word. I heard him behind me, yelling, screaming, asking me what was wrong. If he didn't know by now...

The fool...

Bastard...

He accused me of cheating.

He'd beaten and raped me.

And then he asked me what was wrong.

Bastard.

He destroyed that cologne.

The gift I'd bought for him on his birthday.

He'd destroyed me.

"Don't you fucking walk away from me." I heard him yell. A shove to my back sent me flying to the back door. I hit the glass panel face first and felt it break under me. A piercing sensation went across my skin and I winced. I didn't have time to check and see if I was cut when Seifer roughly turned me around and slammed into the back door. Breaking out the rest of the glass. I blinked back the pain, the blood in my eyes, and focused all of my pain, hate, anger, and sadness into retaliating. 

He wasn't going to win this time. 

I didn't think and just lashed out. I had a piece of glass in my hand. I caught Seifer between the eyes, mirroring the wound across my face. He was so shocked I fought back that he stumbled away, holding his face. I ran up and shoved him harder until he lost his balance. He tripped over one the chair legs at the kitchen table and went stumbling backwards. To break his fall, he grabbed hold of the table clothe. The whole table toppled like a see saw and sent everything on it flying into the air. Everything just happened to be Seifer's gunblade. He'd been oiling it the night before his birthday and had just left it there. 

I watched the wicked black blade spin once in the air and speed downwards, blade facing the ground. 

Seifer was behind the now fallen table so I couldn't see him. But I heard the resounding thunk, the piercing of flesh and cracking of bone, the wet chocking coughs of his voice.

And I knew I'd won this time.... 

I heard Seifer gasp and gag. I walked around the table and almost smiled at the sight before me. There he was, pinned down by his own blade, through his chest cavity. His white t-shirt stained the deepest red I'd ever seen. Blood leaked from his mouth without control. 

I stood in front of him. He was staring blankly at the ceiling. Teal blue eyes dimming. He noticed me and gave me a saddened look. With another cough he tried to say... Help...

I almost laughed. Help him? How ironic. How totally fucking ironic. After all the pain he put me through... He expected me to...

"...baby..." He whispered. His voice the softest I'd ever heard it. My resolve cracked and I burst into tears. 

I suddenly realized he was dying.

Oh no...

He reached out a hand to me, fingers stained and cut from the glass littering the floor. He chocked and coughed but kept reaching. I reached back, almost touching his fingers. 

Almost...

I couldn't stop my tears. In spite of everything he'd ever done to me... I couldn't hate him. I don't know why still to this day. I don't know even understand.

I pulled my hand away just after I brushed his finger tips. They were so cold. Going stiff. He was dying...

Dying...

He'd be gone...

Forever...

Gone.... out my life...

The pain would be gone...

"Squall.... I... I love you..." He breathed just barely. 

Lying bastard!

And I snapped. I wanted to tell him **every single thing **I hated about him at that moment. I wanted to curse and call him cruel names. I wanted to slam him into walls and toss him around like he was worthless. I wanted to.... treat him like he treated me... But instead, as he smiled up at me, I put my hands on the hilt of his gunblade and shoved it down. 

There was blood in my eyes, I was filthy and sore, tired, and angry. But I did it. I felt the blade give as when the tip hit the tile floor. I wanted it to go farther. I wanted Seifer impaled on it like a stuck pig. I wanted to watch him bleed to death like a cow with a slit throat. I wanted to watch him die. 

He'd already had the pleasure of _killing_ me several times. It was only fair....

Seifer's eyes were so wide. He looked at me in disbelief. Utter shock. H didn't think I'd do it. He didn't think I had the guts. 

"Squall.... you... you killed me...." His head fell back to the floor and he stared at the ceiling. The light in his eyes faded rapidly but he managed to mumble....

"You're still mine..." 

When he went still I was sure if he was really dead. I didn't go to check. I just knew... I'd just pretty much murdered my boyfriend... oh wait, my fiancé.... I just murdered him in cold blood. If I hadn't touched the blade it would have just been an accident. 

Too late now... 

So I left.. I took my things and got the Hell out...

I read about a week later that Seifer's body was discovered 2 days after I killed him by some kids who came into our yard to get their ball. The back door was still open.... And he was decomposing... It was summer after all...

No one knew where I was. My blood was discovered on the murder scene, and my finger prints on the blade's hilt. For a while I was accused of murdering Seifer. I was being looked for everywhere. But then.... all of my friends. Zell, Quistis, Rinoa, Irvine, Selphie.... They all came forward and told the police about how Seifer abused me... The case was later closed, charges against me were dropped. I killed Seifer out of self defense.

It was self defense.

I should have listened to that kid that day. He tried to warn me... 

Seifer was... He was haunting me.... Some 8 to 9 years later he was trying to destroy my life. All of those things he did... I let him off easy by killing him. He truly deserved to die... I never even got the chance to thank the others for stepping forward and helping me like that. Now I'll never have the chance. They're all dead....

My breaking point... 

Seifer's abuse had made me this way. I was becoming him. I'd... I'd hurt the ones I care about. The one I was starting to love. The one I do love. 

Sora....

I'd hurt him... But... I don't get it... Things were great until... I mean... I was happy up to....

2 years ago....

When he....

When Riku came back....

When Riku.... Took Sora away from me....

That was it.... And that's why....

I sat up and looked around suddenly. I understood everything now. It was all so clear. Seifer's personality felt towards Riku, how he used to feel towards....

Towards me... He hated me.. but loved me...

Riku and Sora are practically one and the same.... But I don't hate Riku.. I just... don't like him. I envy him for being able to take Sora back so easily. For being able to hurt me without realizing it... He just smiled and Sora was his again....

I was alone again.... 

Oh my God.. I'm a monster. I should be happy for Riku and Sora. Not... hateful. Sure I'm sad that I lost someone I loved.... But.. Sora's happy with Riku. I can't believe I was always so mean to the both of them. Even when Sora showed his love back to me I treated him like trash... I used to do to Sora what Seifer used to do to me....

Yes! I understood everything now. 

I stood up and went to wake Tim. He jumped up and started to yell. I covered his mouth earnestly and shook my head. He went silent like I'd just cut off his air supply. 

"Come on." I said to him, helping him stand. I was going to take him home now. I cut the ropes on his feet so he could stand up on his own. He gave me a suspicious look. Like I was lying to him. I smiled beside myself. 

"It's okay now." I said to him, pulling on my coat. I still had his hands tied up though. I couldn't let him get away yet. 

"I'm taking you home. I'm going to turn myself in.... I need help..." I said. I know I sounded crazy. Even more so I mean. Maybe the police would shoot me down. Maybe they wouldn't listen at all to what I had to say...

Even so... I'd come to terms with myself and my past.. It was over now. What was done was done. I'd get help after I turned myself in....

I opened the door leading to the alleyway behind the inn. It was bitterly cold out. Tim shivered and turned his face away from the wind. With my Gunblade in hand I pulled him forward so he could follow me. We made our way down the dark alley in silence until he asked.

"You're... letting me go..?" 

He didn't sound to sure of himself. He was still afraid. I just nodded and kept walking. No time for small talk. I had to get the police station without being seen by the street cops. They'd shoot me for real. If I just walked into the police station, with Tim, and pleaded guilty the cops would have no choice but to take me into custody. 

"I'm sorry for hurting you Tim... I'm sorry for hurting Aeris... I just.... I need help. And after I give you back to your family I'll get it...."

Tim raised an eyebrow in confusion. I didn't try to explain what I meant to him. It was none of his business. 

"I'll never hurt you or anyone else again.... I swear it...."

If I'm locked away... I can't hurt anyone... Especially myself....

It would be over soon....

Soon....

I shook my head once as Tim passed me up. I felt dizzy all of a sudden...

Dizzy and... 

Oh no...

NO!! 

Not now! 

Please no!

Run Tim!

I wanted to say it.. but couldn't find my voice. I struggled for another moment and then it was too late....

That's right Tim. I'm going to take you home. Safe and sound. You just keep on believing that.

Heheheheheheh.

I looked down at my hand, reassured by the heavy blade that rested in it. If I played my cards right. The kid wouldn't know what was going on until it was too late.

"Turn here." I said softly. Tim took a pause and looked around. 

"I thought we were going to the police station." 

My eye twitched. Keep it together.... Be nice...

"We are. We have to go the long way to avoid the cops. They'll shoot me if they spot me." I said tenderly and smiled. Tim seemed to by it and kept on walking. 

Police station. BAH! Like hell I was going there. Besides, the place we were headed was way cooler. Kinda high up. You could see all of downtown from here. At night the water was so dark it looked like oblivion. I hear it's a pretty cool sight. I've never seen it before. Until tonight. 

Yeah, just keep on walking Tim. This night is almost over for you. 

I ran my fingers over the sharp side of my gunblade and smiled. 

Almost over......

****

To be continued. :)

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Author's notes

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DUN DUN DUN!!! After many attempts to finish up this chapter I finally managed too. 42 pages long again. Lots of DRAMA! Oh my god. *shoots Sora* See, he ain't so sweet is he? You guys are going to absolutely hate him in the next chapter. HATE HIM!! He hurts poor Riku. And Riku... okay, issues. He's so... ack, weird to me. I know there are some girls who act the way he is.. but man, from a boy's perspective... yikes. He wants Seph SOOO bad! *pulls on Riku's collar, down boy!* Hahaha, Seph never picked up his phone. Poor sex deprived Cloud. Oh, and Leon. Now do you guys understand why he is the way he is. So... who's the victim here? I don't even know anymore. *dies* Okay, my wrist is aching. I'm done. :)


	17. Chapter 17

--None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

I hope there aren't too many typos. I wanted to get this chapter posted since it's been such a long time since chapter 16. The person who guessed Leon's issue back in chapter.... 14? I believe, is mentioned in one of the POV's. Another plot/character development chapter. I will continue in my attempt to drag out IC so it will at least be longer then 20 chapters.... But at this rate... It still may be only about.... 20 chapters. Hope you guys like it, hope it was worth the wait. :D

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Chapter 17

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You and I, we're more alike then I thought. We both desire the same thing. 

We both just want to be.... loved....

------

Leon...?

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"I thought we were going to the police station..." 

Nngg.... Will this kid shut up. For fucks sake...

"Why are we taking such a big detour...?"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose and shook my head. Be nice. Like Leon. Be nice. I gritted my teeth and tried to keep my facial expression straight. I couldn't let on that my mood had taken a big change for the worse. 

"Look... Tim. We **are** going to the police station. I'm trying to avoid getting shot to death if that's alright with you.... Weather you're with me or not they may still fire... _Okay_..." I forced the last word out, hoping he got the point finally. I was tempted to put his gag back on, but then he might notice I was.. wasn't myself. The idea was to fool him long enough to get to where I was headed. I **_wasn't_** going to drag him there. That would slow me down much more then I'd like. 

Tim seemed to believe me and continued to blindly follow my footsteps. I wonder if he knew where I was _really_ going. I slowed my step so I could get behind him once again. I had to watch him. He may still try to make a break for it. OR try to kick me in the back or something. I noticed he was staggering slightly. His movements were sluggish. Guess I fucked him a little harder then I thought. Oh well... Was his own fault. He wasn't half bad either.... I should have a little more fun with him before I finish him off...

Hmm... Nah. Not time for that now anyway.

You know, it amazes me how trusting he is now. He's not even showing the slightest suspicious that I could be duping him.... He probably doesn't even care anymore. He just wants to get away. The prospect of being let free, alive, was a little too overwhelming I guess. The idiot. 

I should just do it now.... NO! I have to wait. Shouldn't be long now. Just a few more blocks. 

Tim suddenly stopped.

I was smiling so hard and was so lost in thought that I didn't notice and ran into his back. He yelped and leapt forward, about to break into a run. I grabbed him and roughly pulled him back before he barely took a step forward. 

"Where the fuck...!"

I started to yell, but caught myself. I was supposed to be Leon. Calm, cool,..... sweet....

"Be quiet damn it!" I hissed in a hushed tone. What the fuck was he trying to do? I could still hear his startled cry echoing in the small space of the back alley. I forced myself not to just strangle him then and there. 

"S...ss.. sorry...." He stuttered in fear. I shook my head and pushed him away from me. 

"That's it. I can't let that happen again." I growled.

I reached forward and pulled his gag back up. He protested slightly and I gave him a quick jolt when I tied the clothe tight around his mouth. That would shut him up. 

"Walk." I ordered and pointed forward. He gave me a saddened expression but proceeded forward. I sighed in relief. He didn't notice my anger flare. Good... 

**__**

How did Squall manage to put up with shit like this? He was always so fucking nice to people. Even when they treated him like trash. I swear I hated that about him. I wanted to smack him for being such a pussy. When I did, he acted like it was the most horrible thing I'd ever done to him. So I hit him a bit. **So** what. In the end it toughed him up. He dumped those fucking nosey ass friends of his too. God I hated them. Them _and_ there fake smiles. They never really cared about Squall. Just always wanted to be in his business. In _our _business. 

They didn't want us to be together from the start. They were always trying to get him to break up with me. Even after I apologized for my mistakes they'd try to talk him into leaving me. 

Leaving me. 

I always wanted to be with him. 

I loved him.

And each time I hurt him I _was_ **_so_** sorry for it. 

And he always forgave me.

What...?

What did I do to screw that up...?

What...?

"What?" I whispered softly when I noticed Tim stop. He was eyeing me with this strange cautious look that caused me to frown. I looked around slightly to see what was up before locking eyes back with him. He didn't say anything and his wide gaze was starting to unnerve me. Well... he couldn't really speak with the gag in his mouth. I reached forward and pulled it off of his face.

"You... you were talking to yourself..." He said softly. I glared at him for a moment and he flinched and took a step back. I didn't advance on him though. 

"And?" I hissed, testing his reaction. I wanted him to say something about it. I hadn't noticed I was mumbling out loud, and I couldn't really remember what I'd said. I may have just given myself away. I was already at my wits end with this kid. He had no idea how badly I just wanted to cut his head off right now. One clean stroke was all it would take. 

".... You said... You said Squall..." Tim stuttered. My eyes went wide for a brief second. I tried to hide it but I know the kid saw it. 

"Why are you talking about yourself...? Isn't your name...? Aren't you... Squall...?" The kid took another step back and I knew any moment he was going to bolt. 

"So I talk about myself in the third person. So the fuck what! Just shut the hell up and keep walking!" I tried not to raise my voice. My grip on my Gunblade tightened and I could feel the ache in my palm. It was getting so hard to keep my anger in check. 

It used to be like this with Squall. He always questioned what I did. Always. It used to make me so mad. So _fucking_ mad!

"Walk damn you!" I snarled after a moment. Tim turned away from me and started to take steady steps again. He was looking around every which way as we moved and I knew he was trying to figure out where we were. He would know in a minute. We were almost out of the alley anyway.

"Take a left here." I ordered quietly. Tim stopped and stood completely still. I stopped just behind him and sighed. What the hell? Now what was it?

"First... tell me why you're doing this." 

My eyes went wide. Tim didn't see it though.

"Look, I don't think you're in **_any_** fucking position to ask for anything from me boy. Walk!" 

I gave him a rough shove and he staggered. When he caught himself he stood still again. He turned to me and looked me dead in the eye. There was a slight hint of pain in his expression. I'm sure me constantly shoving him around was aggravating his wounded backside. Interestingly though, for the first time since I took this boy hostage he actually looked like he wasn't afraid of me anymore.

"Why?" he asked again. His voice held no fear what so ever. 

The fuck?!

"I said..." I started...

"I don't **_care_** what you said!" Tim yelled back at me. Cutting me off. I gave him a shocked expression. Who the hell did **he** think he was? **I **was the one in charge here. 

"Why do this? Why attack Miss Aeris? Why attack... and hurt me?! I can tell something horrible happened to you.. something.. some one you loved did to you..."

I felt my eyes narrow. This boy was pushing it way to far. It was one thing for him to be yelling at me like this, but to suddenly jump to conclusions about something.... Wait.... Oh yeah. Ahheh.. He doesn't know... He thinks I'm Squall... That's right....

Squall...

"I know people just like you. You get off on hurting people weaker then you. You get off on abusing peoples feelings towards you and hurt them for it.... Just because you can. You hurt Miss Aeris for no reason at all. And now.... now you attacked me because I managed to hurt you back. It doesn't feel to good does it, when your the one being hurt!?"

I froze.

Wait a minute...

"I heard you, earlier, talking about him. About Squall, and I figured it out. Whoever you are, you hurt him, just like you're doing now. You keep getting him in trouble. It wasn't Squall who attacked Miss Aeris!" Tim squared his shoulders suddenly. I noticed for the first time just how tall and big this kid was. He was about my size actually. If it wasn't for his hands being bound, he could probably take me on.... Maybe even beat me.

"You said his name.... a few nights ago. You said** he **was back?

This really weird sensation passed over me, like a chill down my spine. Only... it was much more... paralyzing...

"It was _you_... You're the one who attacked Miss Aeris that night..." Tim narrowed his eyes at me. 

In my minds eye, I saw glass breaking into a million microscopic pieces. And a startling realization hit me hard in the gut... 

"Seifer..." He whispered. 

My name sounded like a bitter, evil, curse you'd only wish on someone you truly and utterly despised beyond all logical reasoning. Hearing my name said like that... Hearing someone other then Squall utter it... sent a pained through my chest. A hot searing pain. Almost piercing... like hot sharp metal... It made me feel... scared, lonely, and weak.... That's the same way Squall said it that day... the day he...

Killed me....?

Tim was giving me this almost triumphant stare. He'd managed somehow, to explain what _I_ couldn't in a way **_I_** could understand. And it broke something in me....

"So it's Seifer then...? You were.... Mr. Leon's... Squall's lover... his boyfriend... right?" 

Tim was _talking_ to me now. His voice suddenly soft and pitying. I lowered my gaze to the pavement and stared at my feet. How had he managed to figure all of this out...? 

"You talk to yourself out loud about a lot of things. I just over heard...." 

My head snapped up and I leveled Tim with a dangerous glare. He over heard? All those times I thought he'd been asleep he'd just been faking it? And now he knew the truth... somewhat anyway. 

"Why didn't you say anything... if you knew what was really going on..?"

Why hadn't he?

"Because..." Tim looked suddenly very, very sad. I snarled inwardly at that look. I hated it when people gave me that look. When they looked at _Squall_ like that.

"At first... I just thought you were evil, that you were only hurting people just for the sake of hurting them. I didn't know you, and I still don't. After you... after you..."

Tim's voice broke for a second and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I felt a twinge of guilt for just a brief moment. He couldn't seem to bring himself to say it out loud, so I just said the words for him.

"After I raped you." I said flatly.

Tim glared at me through his mussed bangs and I saw so much hatred in his baby blue eyes. I was just stating what was true. I had raped him. I wouldn't deny it.... I didn't.... really like the fact that I'd done it now... though... It just sort of happened...

"Yes.... after you did that..." He hissed. He was leaning against one of the brick buildings in a slightly lit area of the alley. He looked tired. Of me, and of what he was going through. It was almost over. 

"After.... after it happened.. I just kept telling myself it was a bad dream.. That I'd wake up any minute and find myself safe at home in my bed. But when I opened my eyes... there I was.... flat on my stomach, naked, bloody, in some old run down building.... Alone with you..." 

Tim took a breath and I noticed his eyes get really shiny. He was fighting back pained tears with all of his might. I always thought boys his age that cried were pansy little bitches. No matter how bad you were hurt. Suck it up and walk it off.

Squall could never do that...

".... I wanted to kill you..." Tim whispered. I inclined my head to look up at the sky and stared at the dark clouds looming overhead. It looked like it would rain any minute now. And this kid.. was just trying to stall. I'm sure he's figured out by now what I plan to do with him. Especially if he knows I'm not 'Squall' at the moment. 

"I couldn't wait for the police to find you and gun you down... I've never hated anyone before... I've never wished death on any person I've known.... Ever... But you..." 

I looked back down at Tim and almost gaped at how he was looking at me. All of this talk of hating me, of wanting me dead, and I saw no anger or ill will in his eyes at **all**. 

Just this...Ungh... stomach churning look of pity...

"I just... After spending this time with you... seeing how you really are... I feel sorry for you... Sorry for what happened to you... Sorry.. that he hurt you like that..."

How he hurt me!?

__

"How you hurt **me** Seifer."

I was suddenly on Tim, my fist ready to knock him into oblivion. I wanted to see him bleed, I wanted to see him beg for me to kill him so his pain would stop, I wanted to hurt him so bad...."

He didn't know anything!

"You don't know anything!" I yelled. 

I was always the one being blamed!

"Everyone always thought it was just me!" I smacked Tim's back hard against the wall and watched him cringe. He didn't cry out in protest though.

It wasn't fair that I had to suffer like that! No one would believe me!

"I **tried** to tell someone what he did to me! I **told** all of the adults how **I'd** been hurt but no one **_believed_** me!

"I was _always _getting in trouble! No matter _what_ I got blamed for _everything_! Every night he'd come and take me away to that dark room.... Every night I'd cry and beg for him to stop, that I didn't want to! I would get so mad! Wasn't saying **NO** enough!? Wasn't saying that it hurt **_enough_** to make him stop!? No one understood me! No one took the time to see that I had feelings too! No body but him! Only Squall understood! That's why I....."

I suddenly paused and looked at the blue eyed boy in front of me. Looking at him now, it was like seeing his face for the first time. He had deep expressive pretty blue eyes that almost sparkled. In this light, his sandy blonde hair looked almost brown, almost auburn. And he was looking at me with so much understanding.... He could see what I was feeling... could understand what I was going through... And he didn't even know me...

Squall used to look at me like that...

And so did Sora....

They were the same to me. 

In almost every single way. 

Those eyes, their mannerisms. No one ever saw how gentle and loving Squall was behind closed doors. He was the sweetest person I'd ever known. That day so long ago, when I was barely 10, when he came to me and said he was sorry about what happened to me, that he understood how I felt. That he wouldn't _let_ the bad man hurt me again....

And then he hugged me.... Only 9 years old.... And he'd just gone through the same thing...

We're alike you and me....

We have to keep this a secret.... The grown ups won't believe us anyway....

But.. we don't need them. We have each other right? We'll protect each other right?

Somehow... Squall and I... We developed this love/hate relationship as time passed. But in the end, we ended up loving each other for real. 

And everyone hated **_me_** for it.

Hated Seifer. 

They all had me pinned as this juvenile delinquent kid with a fowl mouth and attitude to back it up. I went through life always being accused of every bad thing that ever happened. Squall was the only person that saw past that... The only person who took the time to get to know me... 

And I screwed it up...

I hurt him... the same way I was hurt when I was a kid....

Yet... he still stayed with me....

"He.. he loved you..." Tim was whispering now. I noticed blood leaking from his mouth. I'd slammed him into the wall a bit to hard. 

"He... Squall... understood you... That's why he stayed with you. Regardless of what anyone said, regardless of the pain you put him through... He stayed with you... But... now you have to let him go...." 

I pulled away and watched Tim stagger forward. 

Something was wrong...

Very **wrong**...

Wait... 

Let him go!?

Let **Squall **go!?

Let Sora go!?...

I can't do _that_!

He's **_mine_**!

Squ...ora's mine!

Sora's mine! 

He said he was! 

I told him he **always** would be!

He'll always be **_mine_**! 

"I don't know who you are... Leon... Squall... Seifer..." Tim groaned in pain. "But for what it's worth... I'm sorry you had to suffer like that.... I'm sorry..." 

I snatched Tim up by his shirt collar and started to drag him. He staggered along behind me like a dog with a broken leg. I was going to end this now! I had to shut him up. He didn't know anything. He was sorry? **_For what_**? He didn't understand? He wanted me to let Squall ~_Sora~ _go?!" How dare he say something like that to me...!

Ah.. my head hurts... All these voices... in my head.... 

"He killed you...." Tim gasped and tried to pry away from me. He was digging the heels of this shoes into the pavement in a futile attempt to slow me down. 

I could see the bridge, only another 20 feet away maybe, it's lights glowing dully in the bitter night air. But my step faltered. Tim was practically on his knees, his breaths short and rushed. I threw him to the ground and took a step away from him.

"Seifer's... dead Mr. Leon... He's dead.. _You_ said it **_yourself_**. You said **you** killed him... yourself..."

Squall killed me??!!

I gripped my head, wincing in pain....

__

"You're such a **worthless** fucking piece for **trash**. I can't believe I actually believed I could **love** **someone** like **you**.....You're a **whore**. No body wants you. All you'll ever have is me. Your own fucking father **disowned** you the moment he met you. Even he can see your not worth it. I can smell it on you! What, did you forget to take a shower or something? Forgot to cover your tracks? How long has this been going on?! **For fucks sake, you always ruin everything don't you?!"**

I always...

"Don't you fucking walk away from me!".

He was going to kill me that day....

"Squall.... I... I love you..." 

That boy warned me.... Why didn't I listen...?

"Please Squall. I know what he does to you... Don't go home tonight..." 

Why didn't listen!!??

"Squall.... you... you killed me...." 

I was _so_... happy to watch him suffer. To watch him die... Because I knew... I knew that he wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore....

"So that's how it ended..?!" I was talking to myself but looking at Tim. I was so damn confused right now. I didn't know who I was at the moment... 

"Squall killed me?!" 

__

"That's right Seifer."

Tim nodded once just slightly. I hadn't really asked him that question. But he just had to answer it didn't he?! I gritted my teeth and griped my Gunblade. This boy! He had to go **now**!

__

"Seifer... wait..."

****

"It's too late Squall!!" 

I raised the Gunblade above my head, it's blade pointed down. All it would take was one swift movement. I'd catch him in the spleen. He'd be pinned to the ground like a stuck pig. He die in a matter of seconds. 

"It's all in your head! He's dead because he hurt you! It was self defense!" 

Tim wasn't making any attempt to roll over or try to run away from me. There was something about what he was saying that made me feel funny. Sad. Made me feel sad. I was regretting something deep in my heart. Something... I couldn't remember for some reason. 

Squall had killed me.... But here I was... This didn't make sense... If I was dead.... How am I...? Wasn't I...? Why would Squall kill me...? I thought he loved me...? 

"I did...." 

I stared out into the darkness of the cold night looking for his face in to appear at that moment. To see his smile, his beautiful gray blue eyes.... To just see _him_.... But I didn't. No one was there. Just me and this boy. 

"He killed you.... Seifer" Tim said again from his spot on the ground. "Look..." The boy motioned to a panel of old almost completely shattered glass in a window next to me. I turned and gaped at my reflection. 

My reflection...?

It was broken and distorted due to the fragmented shards of glass.... but I could see plain as day who's reflection was looking back at me....

This is... This isn't my face...

There they were... Those eyes. Piercing blue. Cold as ice. But oh so beautiful. You could drown in them. But you wouldn't be afraid to die. Because in the depths of those endless, emotionless windows of his soul, you'd find something more powerful then love.

Older, but still the same. 

Squall's face... 

But... why....? 

Where was I now then?

What was going on...?

"It's all in your head....." Tim said again. His words shattered my reverie. I looked back down at him and he looked back up at me.

"_You_ are **not** Seifer. He died a long time ago. You killed him to protect yourself. **You _are_** Squall. _Seifer_ **_can't_** hurt you anymore....." 

I lowered the Gunblade and took a step back, covering my face. My head hurt almost unbearably. I was so lost...Why didn't _anything_ make sense anymore. 

I'm not Seifer... But I'm Squall and I feel Seifer's feelings. But Seifer's dead. 

I'm schizophrenic... Right? I'm sick... Right?

I'm Squall... I killed Seifer because he... tried to kill me...

On his birthday...

I killed Seifer the day after his birthday. 

Because he tried to kill me....

That's it....

__

"You broke my heart as easily as you broke that glass bottle that day. 

The love I had for you was just a reason for me to find an excuse to exist.

I **needed** someone to live for. 

A reason to live. 

That day when I was barely 10 I found a kindred spirit in you.

****

We were alike you and I. 

But was it love.. or just need? 

Need for the other's presence. 

I gave **you** a reason to live. 

I gave you a physical punching bag...

I suffered for the both of us.

Took the burden of life... of bad memories... of being hurt... for the both of us...

I'm so tired... Seifer.

Just let me go....

I'm in love again, and it's not with you.... 

For once I want to be happy.. 

I'm sorry things had to end the way they did... 

I wish you a restful and peaceful eternal sleep..."

****

"Squall wait!"

I saw it, the blade spin in the air then plunge down. I saw his eyes dim to gray/green empty pools as he drew his last breath... I saw.. I watched him die. I _felt_ him die. 

It was self defense....

I realize that now.

Seifer... you **can't** hurt me anymore....

I looked heaven ward again and felt a smile tug at my lips. It was... a smile of liberation. Of freedom... Seifer was.... He was....

"Goodbye Seifer." 

Gone.

Something clicked in me then... Something wonderful... I wasn't angry anymore... I wasn't upset. I was just lonely. I wanted to be near him again. I wanted his soft hands caressing my face. His petal soft lips kissing my scars and making the pain go away. I wanted....

Sora....

He was mine.... Sora was mine.... 

Sora? 

...Sora.... is... mine...

Those eyes...

Sora.....

__

Everyone is trying to take him away from me....

But he's mine....

Everyone....

Riku...

Riku was trying to take Sora away from me. 

I looked down at Tim and noticed his pained expression. 

"I have to find Sora." I said softly. He gave me a confused look from over his shoulder. I'd completely forgotten what I was about to do with him... 

"Who's Sora?!" He yelled obviously frustrated that his attempt to make me see reason had failed. Fuck reason. 

"It doesn't matter." I raised my Gunblade again. 

"Wait! **_Squall_** don't do this!" His eyes pleaded with me. I smiled just slightly. 

"_Squall_?" I let the name I knew so well roll on my tongue. It was strange being called by my real name after so long. "That's right. I am _Squall_ aren't I." I whispered. 

Tim gave me a wide eyed confused gaze when I slashed quickly at his back. He tensed up, waiting for death. But it wasn't going to come tonight. Not by me anyway. The ropes binding his wrists snapped softly and he laid there, completely confused with my actions. 

Tim was only trying to protect Aeris.

"I'm sorry.." I whispered. It was all I really could say. 

I was done with him. I was done with the past. 

With Seifer.

I didn't say anything more to the boy and just walked away. He could find his way home by himself from here. I hope.... he can forgive me someday for what I put him through. That's right, it _was_ all in my head. I'd killed Seifer. He was gone now. Dead and buried. I didn't feel sad, or even regret killing him. He'd honestly deserved to die for what he put me through. I was always there for him. Always. I was ready to move on with my life now. Ready to let him go for good. 

Now.. I had to get **my** Sora back. And get rid of Riku. For once, I understood somewhat how Seifer used to feel. He loved me so much that he didn't want to share me. That's how I feel about Sora. That boy, he understands me. He loved me in a way no one else could. He loves me the way I loved Seifer. But unlike Seifer, I won't hurt Sora... I'll love him back with equal passion. I'll give him what he really wants. 

I have to show him that he and I are meant to be. 

Riku's just a fling. It's puppy love. Riku can never _really_ appreciate Sora. Not really. Not ever. Not the way **I **do. 

Riku is evil. 

He'd tried to kill Sora at one time. 

I never really liked that kid. And now he'd taken Sora away from me. 

I still don't understand everything that's going on.... But I know now....

I have to get rid of Riku. 

There's no telling what he's putting Sora through. All of that pain he caused him 2 years ago. That _evil_ back stabbing little bastard. How dare he come back after all this time and try to take Sora **_away_** from me. Sora was happy with me. And I was happy with him. 

Happy with Sora.

-------

????

------

"Hello, this is Officer Krimzon at the 2nd district police station." 

The officer sounded young. I hesitated for a moment before I spoke.

"Yeah... um... I'd like to file a 2 sexual assault complaints. I'm... a boy..." 

"Don't be ashamed. I'm here to help you, not judge you. Alright, sexual assault? In what degree?" The officer sounded nice, concerned... caring...

"Rape...." I just barely whispered. 

"I see. Your name please." I frowned and bit my bottom lip.

"I'd like to file anonymously." I really didn't want to give out my name.

"Young man, you do realize what level an offense rape is don't you. I need all of your personal information regarding the rape, when it happened and who is suspected of the crime."

"Suspected?" I said back. Officer Krimzon let out a soft sigh.

"I know you're scared young man, but I'm here to help you now. So please, tell me everything that happened. Would you rather... come down to the station and...."

"No!" I almost yelled. I gathered my composure and lowered my voice again. I couldn't have anyone over hear me. 

"Listen... I know who raped me. And.. I know where he is..." 

"Go on." Officer Krimzon was speaking in a hushed tone so as not to let anyone over hear. But I could hear people in the background go quiet. I was on the speaker phone now, I could tell because I could hear my voice echoing in the receiver. 

"My rapist is Squall LeonHeart. He's hiding out in the 2nd district old abandoned Inn."

"Squall LeonHeart!" 

"Yes." I said softly. Why sound so surprised?

"You're positive he's the man that sexually assaulted you?"

What a dumb question. Of course I was sure. But I knew it was standard procedure for the police to ask twice just to be positive. 

"Young man... What's your name...?" 

"I said I'm not giving you my name. There was another person who was raped too... My friend...." 

"Two people? How long ago? 

The officer sounded so shocked. 

"About 2 months ago..." 

"Why didn't you call in then?" Officer Krimzon was trying to hold me on the phone while notes were taken. I could tell. Not only had I just given them another reason to go after Leon, but I'd just told them where he was too. 

I smiled slightly. 

"I was scared. He threatened to kill me and my friend. He told me not to tell anyone." 

"Where are you now." 

"I can't tell you." 

"Okay...., are you **certain** LeonHeart is in District 2?" 

"Oh yes. I'm very certain." I stated simply.

"How do you know?" They were starting to trace the phone I was on now. To bad it was a cell phone. 

"I just do." I said softly.

"That's not evidence enough for....!" Officer Krimzon yelled. 

"I have to go now." I didn't give any more time for Officer Krimzon to say anything more and I just hung up.

*click*

I smiled to myself. 

There... it was done.

------

Cloud

------

"Why are you on the phone Sora?" I asked softly, taking the receiver from him. He looked a little afraid of me for some reason and shrank away until he was standing on the other side of the room. I noticed he'd tried to hastily hang up the phone when I walked in.

I stared down at the little black piece of plastic and frowned. It hadn't rang all day. Not a call from Aeris, not a chewing out by Cid, .... and no call from Seph. Under normal circumstances I would been happy the phone wasn't ringing off of the hook. I didn't really like being on the phone. But now.... It seemed like my only way to reach the outside world. I hadn't been to work in almost 3 weeks... I couldn't leave Sora alone. Anything we needed I had delivered to the apartment. I was starting to get cabin fever. Even though I wasn't here alone, Sora refused to really talk to me. After that long discussion we had last time.... I hadn't even had the chance to tell Seph what we'd discovered.

"Hmph..." I heard Sora snort softly in the corner he'd made himself comfortable in. He'd practically moved into that small area of the living room. He slept there and ate there. He only left to go to the bathroom or something. He'd become a little hermit. Sometimes, when it was really dark in the house, I'd look over there and see him looking back at me. His blue eyes almost glowing in the pale light of the room. 

His behavior was creeping me out to say the least.

"Hmph, what?" I asked. My voice came out bitter though. Sora got up and stretched across the couch. He was wearing pajamas again. That's all he wore all day long. This time a red pair of sweat pants and a white t-shirt. He gave me this cool stare for a moment then smiled. But it wasn't a happy smile. 

It was twisted.

"It sure seems that you miss Sephiroth _far _more then he misses you." Sora spoke softly, but made sure I could hear him very clearly. I scowled and put the phone back on it's base. I put my towel around my shoulders, I'd just gotten out of the shower, and turned around to give Sora a vicious glare. 

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?" I hissed. 

Sora shrugged and turned over to lay on his back. 

"I was just pointing out the **obvious**. That's all." Sora yawned and closed his eyes. I felt my temper flare. Oh, Sora had no idea how much thin ice he was on with me right now. 

"Pointing out the obvious?" I said slowly, biting back a string of swear words. "I call that being a little prick and prying into business that's for fucking certain not yours."

Ah, swear word slipped. But it made my point sound all the more better. 

Sora opened his eyes and regarded me silently. _So_ I was resorting to name calling. Maybe I was being childish. But I wasn't in a good mood right now so... yeah whatever. 

"Don't get mad at me because you're sexually frustrated. This long distance relationship crap wasn't my bright idea anyway." Sora sat up and stared at me.

"If you miss him so much just go and see him." 

I raised an eyebrow. Sexually frustrated hmm? Oh, Sora had me **SO** fucked up.

"No." I said, just short of snapping. I wasn't upset just because I hadn't had sex in damn near 21 days. I just _missed _my god damn boyfriend?! Was that a fucking crime?! 

"I won't leave the apartment." Sora kept going. I wasn't stupid. He was deliberately trying to talk me into leaving so he could sneak out. 

"Like Hell." I hissed. Sora frowned. 

"It's bad enough that Riku managed to override my security system and leave last time. I won't even have that to keep _you_ in if I leave you alone. So, uh, I'll just have to bear with it."

Sora stood up and walked up behind me. I made a face at how close he was standing to me. He was so close that I could smell soap on him from his bath. 

"What?" I said in irritation. Sora smirked. 

"You're worried aren't you? About what I said" 

I blinked. Something about the tone of his voice bothered me. Fucking shit... he hadn't _asked_ that. He was stating a pretty damn obvious fact! I couldn't really tell what he was getting at though. I gave him a confused look, and decided to wait for him to continue before I jumped to conclusions.

"I warned you about this." Sora spoke softly and leaned away from me. He brushed his hair out of his eyes before he went on. His tone serious now. "Sephiroth hasn't called you in several days. Hasn't even left a message on your answering machine. He won't even answer **your** calls. Why not I wonder." Sora paused and put his index finger on his bottom lip. Another smirk spread across his pink lips. I was frowning now.

"I told you this would happen. Riku has this aura about him that practically emits sexuality. He's... hard to resist. He won me over after all." Sora chuckled for a minute at his own comment. 

"But a man like Sephiroth. Even Riku would have trouble getting him to swoon."

Okay... Sora was digging his own grave now. Be calm Cloud. He's just a kid... a 16 year old brat who has no idea what he's talking about. That's all.

But....

Sora went on, he was giving me this very sultry look that made me my stomach flutter oddly. 

"Riku and Sephiroth. Those two are... kinda alike you know." Sora looked up at the ceiling, lost in thought for a moment. I felt my mouth go dry.

"Both in personality and appearance. Hell, if I didn't know any better, I'd say they were related." A chuckle escaped Sora's throat. But the sound held no humor or happiness. It was a chuckle of... Fuck I don't even know.

"Oh, I shouldn't think like that. All of those nice visions I have about those two together would be soiled."

Double take. Visions? Of Seph and Riku? TOGETHER?!!

Rapid blinking session taking place.

Okay.... I rubbed my eyes and took a breath.

"Excuse me?" I forced out. Had I heard Sora right. Now... there are several ways to... take the implications of what Sora meant when he said 'together'. Only one ran through my mind. 

And I have to say... I felt more then a little... sinful... and dirty.... for the rapid succession of images that graced my brain.

My face was burning. I tried to hide my.. uh... slight mental arousal at the thought of Riku and Seph 'together'. Sora saw it. And I saw a positively sinister feral grin cross his face. I had to step back. 

For someone so... sweet and innocent looking as Sora, he sure could look damn evil.

"See what I mean." Sora breathed. He brought his index finger to his lips and bit down on it. Almost like he had to repress a very passionate sigh. I got out a bit anyway.

"Can't you just see it. I won't lie Cloud. Sephiroth if fucking gorgeous. I think I mentally cheated on Riku the first time I saw him. Ha, and I wasn't even _with_ Riku back then." Sora's eyes were sparkling now. "Have you ever seen him fight?"

I knew Sora was referring to the tournament and the Coliseum. But no... I'd never seen Seph fight. But he must have been pretty damn good.... to keep up with Sora anyway. The kid may have been small, but he was incredibly powerful. At least, he used to be.

I shook my head finally. Sora's grin grew wider. He looked like a murderous little doll. I starting to get kinda... creeped out.

"I'm sure I **_don't_** have to tell you, but I bet he's _amazing_ in bed." 

I glared. It was all I could think to do.

"All of that tight taunt muscle rippling under all of that perfect flawless ivory skin. And that silver hair, soft as feathers falling in your face, laced in your fingers." I heard Sora squeal softly. That squeal bordered on a soft moan. My stomach felt really hot suddenly. I couldn't help but wonder if Sora had seen Seph naked for some reason. How did he know Seph was flawless.

Sora licked his lips and I saw him grip his shirt just slightly. It looked like he was getting turned on for some reason.

"I bet his lips are soft as flower petals, and just a smooth. I can just see it. He's on top, looking down, his eyes, so intense, so focused, burning into you, controlling you. You feel lost, but you want to stay lost. Forever."

Sora ran his hands through his hair and moan silently, his eyes closed. I noticed vaguely that I was sitting now. Leaning forward slightly while I listened to his soft words.

"He's probably gentle, slow, drawing out every touch and caress with the tips of his fingers. He makes it feel so good it hurts. You don't think you'll be able to take much more."

I like how Sora kept saying 'you'. Kind of felt like he was referring to _me_.

"Then, just when you think he can't make your body feel even the slightest bit more wonderful then it already does..." Sora paused and I watched his eyes slide closed. He bit his bottom lip and took a quick breath through his nose.

"He... you.... you feel **_him_**..." 

My eyes slide closed.

Oh yeah, I know what **_he_ **felt like.

"He's hard, slick, smooth, long. Fits oh so perfectly _inside_ you."

My pants felt extremely tight now.

"And it hurts at first. Hurts so _good_ that you can't help but gasp, breath forcefully, and run your nails across that powerful, absolutely perfect back."

Oh dear God...

"He can't thrust fast enough. You want it to _hurt_ but you don't want to feel the pain." Sora opens his eyes, and I notice very vaguely that he can't seem to control his breathing. 

"But you _do_ want to feel the pain." Sora whispers.

I think I just nodded.

"And he makes it hurt. Makes your body do things you didn't think it was capable of. Makes you let go of your inhibitions. He makes you want to obey."

I had to bit down on my bottom lip to keep a moan that I'd been holding onto for a long from escaping. This was.... unreal...

"He makes you yell. 'Harder', 'Faster', 'More', 'Don't stop'..." Sora walked up to me at some point and tipped my head up to look at him. His blue eyes gleamed down at me. I was gaping, I knew. My mouth was incredibly dry too.

"Fuck me." 

Sora whispered. 

Mentally I went into rapid blinking mode. Outwardly, I think I just drooled.

"Fuck me." Sora repeated. His breath soft and rushed. I felt his warm mint scented breath wash over my face, and that's when I noticed how close his lips were.

"Fuck me." He said for the last time, and his lips just brushed mine. 

"Cloud." 

I came to a conclusion. Satin really _does_ exit. His physical form is a petite, brown haired, blue eyed, 16 year old boy. Named Sora.

Yeah... 

Sora pulled away from me abruptly and I caught myself before I fell face first onto the floor. I looked up at him wide eyed and confused. Sora gave me a blank look before he smiled. 

No emotion what so ever in that curve of his lips.

"At least... that's what I think it would be like to sleep with Sepiroth." He says. His voice no longer airy and sexual. I gaped at his sudden change in character. 

What. The. Fuck??!!

"Now _imagine_ Riku and Seph together. To me, those two are one and the same. Riku's a bit more... graceless, but still a fierce sexually charged individual." Sora looks at the ceiling again for a brief moment without tilting his head up. His eyes drop back down to look at me, narrowing slightly. "Pretty HOT huh?" 

I shook my head to clear my hazy state of mind. I swear.... I almost came in my pants. That was.... a little too close of comfort there. Oh, and Sora knew it too.

"You have at least... some reason to be worried Cloud. Just to let you know, I slept with Riku the same night he came back home from Kingdom Hearts. He'd barely been back for 10 hours...." Sora didn't sound to proud when he said that.

"I trust Seph." I said without really thinking about it. The words just flowed naturally. I was slightly angry with myself for letting my control slip like that just now. All over a description. Albeit, a damn vivid description. But still.... 

God, I miss my boyfriend. 

"I know you do. That's why I'm warning you." Sora's voice sounded very sad suddenly and I gave him a blank look. There he went with change in character again. This kid could win an Academy award at the rate he was going. 

"That whole distance makes the heart grow fonder crap is true." Sora huffs. He'd laid back on the couch he'd perched on and covered his face with his forearm. ".... It's different though, when the there's someone there to fill that distance. Someone you didn't really want to be there."

"Sora....." I started but clamped my mouth shut. I didn't know how to word this exactly without it sounding like an insult. But... it would only be an insult if it weren't true. What I was about to say was very true. So true it hurt me to say it.

"Is that what happened with Leon?"

Sora lifted his arm and gave me a hurt look. I knew I struck home. So that's what Sora was trying to tell me. He wasn't trying to scare me on purpose. He... feels bad about what happened between him and Leon. 

"I... I did use him..." Sora started. His voice cracked. Oh no.. Please don't cry.

"I missed Riku.. so much. I was making myself sick... worrying about him. I needed.. something, anything..., anyone to latch onto. Leon was in a similar predicament. So... ultimately we fed off each others sorrow. We gave each other shoulders to lean... and far, far more."

Yeah, no kidding...

Sora took a breath. "But... somewhere down the road... our mutual understanding for each others needs turned into.... love... I guess. Yeah, Love." 

I bit back a twinge of anger.

Love. The word got tossed around far to easily. Sora didn't know what being in love was. He was too young to really understand. What he and Leon had wasn't love. It was.... Pedophilia. Leon twisted his sick infatuation for Sora into words that made the boy feel better. Made him believe Leon really loved him....

Stop Cloud... Stop... you don't know that for sure.... Leon really, and truly could be in love with Sora. And that, in concept, was okay. But.... to act on it... to think something could come of it... was just sick. Sora was a child. Age **_did_** really matter in this situation. Sora wasn't, and still isn't, mentally and psychologically mature enough to be in a relationship like the one he 'thought' he had with Leon. He can't even handle the 'teen' angst relationship he has with Riku. And Riku's only a year older then him. 

"And how do you feel about Leon now Sora? Do you still love him?" 

Sora turned to me then, eyes unblinking. He looked mad for some reason now. Maybe he was angry that I mention something was so plainly 'obvious' as he'd put it. But I was so wrong about that. 

"No. I don't love Leon." Sora said softly and slowly. I blinked in utter confusion as he sat up and leveled me with a powerful icy gaze. 

"I _love_ **_Squall_**."

------

Tim

------

I can't go back now....

What am I going to tell my parents?...

I.... can't even believe it myself....

That man.... what he did to me....

I was so scared. Scared that he'd kill me... but then....

I.... 

No.... that's not me... I'm not like that...

I'm not that kind of person....

He hurt me....

I didn't want to do it....

Then....

Why did I start to like it...?

I can't take this anymore....

....I can't....

------

Sephiroth.

------

I should really call Cloud and tell him what's going on. 

I should just pick up the phone and dial his number. 

It's just two simple movements. Pick up the phone. Dial the number.

Simple.

But why, tell me, does it sound like, scaling a sheer horizontal cliff with nothing between you but air.... pavement....?

What the hell am I going to say to Cloud if I do get up the nerve to call?

I don't even know where to starting _thinking_ about that.

I really shouldn't be this hard. 

Nothing is really going on over here anyway. 

But why do I feel so damn guilty?

Do I feel guilty?

Okay.... I had some brief sexual thoughts about a 17 year old boy... that just happens to like me... and just happens to be pretty damn hot.

Okay, I feel guilty. 

But nothing has happened.

Yet.

I take that back. Nothing will happen. I won't let it.

I.... almost let it. 

Fuck!

I don't like not being in control like this. I feel far too.... out of control. This has to be because I haven't had sex in so long. Imagine going from making love 6 and 7 times a day... to... not doing it at all....

It's kind of like not eating for several days. 

I'm starving damn it. 

STARVING!! 

*sigh*

I flopped down on my bed and buried my face in my blanket. Defeated. This was so not cool. I felt like I was grounded for doing something really, really bad. I couldn't see my boyfriend or do the things I liked to do. But there was no one stopping me. 

I raised my head to take a breath and pulled my pillow to me. Balling up, I hugged the downy filled cushion to me and sulked. It was all I could do really. I glanced up at toward my door way and saw Riku's shadow lingering just outside of view. He was probably trying to come in here and talk to me, but didn't really know what he was going to say. He'd been quite since he'd poured his heart out to me some days ago. 

He'd avoided me too. 

Can't say I don't blame him really. It's not like I was trying to start up any conversations either. 

*sigh*

I didn't feel like talking to anyone but Cloud right now. I wanted the hear his voice. His laugh, his whispers. Ack! 

I hate this.

I grimaced and stuffed my face in my pillow again. I had to lift up again quicker this time because I'd gotten lots of my hair in my mouth. I pulled the, too long, strands out of my mouth and tossed them aside. 

I need a hair cut. 

Cloud would just **die** if I got one. 

How short would I get it chopped off.

To my shoulders maybe. Or maybe even chin length. I frowned. Eh, no... I'd probably look even _more_ feminine with my hair _that_ short. I'd look.... kind of like an older version of Riku....

Riku...

I turned and raised an eyebrow. He wasn't standing outside my door anymore. He'd most likely gone back to his own room. I'd momentarily found something to preoccupy myself with. But now it was gone. I was back to thinking about Cloud. How much I missed him. And how much I missed having sex. 

With him. 

And only him.

I rolled over onto my back and tried to smother myself with my pillow for a moment. I realized that it would hurt to much to put myself out of my misery like that and opted for tossing fluffy article across the room. The pillow hit the wall with a dull thump. 

What to do now?

I sat up and looked expectantly around my room. My eyes landed on the phone for a moment. I shook my head to force those thoughts away again. I still had no clue what I was going to say to Cloud anyway. When my eyes passed over my digital clock I noted it was about 8 o'clock at night. There was really nothing else left for me to do now but go to bed. I'd made dinner about 2 hours ago. Riku sat silently during dinner as well. What was up with that kid now?

I was tempted to go and see what he was up too for a moment. 

I dismissed that thought quickly. I was not going to trap myself by chancing a visit into his personal domain. No way. 

I'm going to take a shower. 

Then go to bed.....

I'm kind of tired anyway.

------

Riku

------

I listened closely to Seph's movements out in the hall. He sounded like he was mumbling and grumbling into his pillow for a minute. I wanted to laugh, but didn't want to give myself away. I'd been... watching him for the past few days now. Just studying him. To see what he'd do next. It kind of seemed like he was avoiding me. 

Maybe he was afraid I'd come on to him again. 

I guess I can't really blame him. 

It's hard not to be attracted to Seph. Just looking into his eyes... It's like he's silently beckoning you to come closer. It feels like he's sucking you into some elaborate and very erotic trap. I can't help but be enticed.

I want to get closer to him. 

I wish he'd talk more about himself. I really only know only about what I asked him a few days ago. He never really elaborates on things. Maybe I should just write down all of the questions I have for him, and tell him to answer them. I wonder if he would. 

Maybe I'm prying to much. 

I really, really want to know about this whole issue with him being in the military though. That had been one of the really important questions I'd wanted to ask back when I gave him an interrogation. But I'd faltered. Seph... didn't seem to apt to discuss his past, especially his sexual history, so I didn't press the issue. I do know that his elusive roommate/lover was involved in it though. Very closely involved.

I forced myself to just let those thoughts drop and made my way back to my room. I just sat there in the dark for a long time before I head Seph's foot steps down the hall. I thought at first, that he was coming to my room. But then his steps grew farther away in sound and I heard the bathroom door click shut. I could always tell when the bathroom door was being closed. The bathroom, was the only room in the whole apartment that lacked any semblance of fancy decor. It only had the bare essentials. Towels, soap, shampoo, a small carpet on the floor, and other bathroom things. The lack of furnishing caused the bathroom to be really empty and have an echo. An echo that resounded down the hall whenever the bathroom door was closed. 

Seph was in the bathroom. A moment later, I heard the shower start up. 

I left my room. 

I knew he'd be in there for a while. A while as in... hours. Seph had this long drawn out process he went through when he took a shower. Mostly due to his hair being so long. I watched him do it once when he let me. He actually had to wash, shampoo, all of the silvery silky stuff before he got in the shower. Section by section. It was something he did every other day too. He'd start from the roots of his waist length tresses then work his way down to the ends. This whole process in itself took about an hour. And he washed his hair twice before repeating with conditioner. I used to think sometimes the Seph was a bit vain. But I found out later that, he just really didn't have anything else to do. And he like playing in his own hair.

I took the time looking around his room. I hadn't really been in here much in the last few days. It still looked the same. Nothing new at all. Not really.

I went and laid down in the bed and snuggled into the blankets. For some reason, Seph's bed seemed so much more comfortable then my own. It wasn't so stiff. It had lots of nice soft spots to curl into. I sat up abruptly and stared down that mattress. My mind had taken a turn towards the gutter. Hahahaha, lots of dents in the mattress. I know what those are from. *giggle*

*Sigh*

I miss Sora....

Hmm... Maybe I should chance making a phone call while Seph's in the shower. I jumped out of the bed and headed towards the phone on the opposite side of where I was. Why hadn't I thought of this before. All of those times I was alone in the apartment. I could have called Sora a long time ago. Duh, Riku!

I couldn't help but smile in anticipation. I was just about to grab the phone, when something else literally grabbed my attention. 

A tattered and worn old book. Kind of looked like a over stuffed journal. 

Hmm.

Lots of random thoughts started to run through my head then. Was this Sephs old diary maybe. No wait. That sounded too feminine. I couldn't see Seph keeping a daily archive of what goes on in his life... at least not in a place so openly located. Maybe it was an old school notebook or something. Wonder why he'd keep something like that though. 

I let my fingers graze over the tattered and cracked cover or what I'm sure used to be a laminated hardcover. It felt old. And worn. Full of memories. Full of... the past. 

I smiled and found myself opening the cover just slightly. The anticipation of possibly learning something about my 'guardian's' past was extremely strong. I couldn't wait to read the first page. 

I paused.... 

Wait...

This was wrong....

I shouldn't be prying. I had no right to read Seph's personal journals. He probably just forgot to put it back in it's hiding spot. 

I should just leave it alone and go back to my room. 

I should....

I squinted and went ahead to fully open the cover of the book. I was greeted with an arrangement of old photos meticulously placed on the page. Little notes were written under each on. The year it was taken, where, and who was in the picture. One picture in particular caught my eye. It wasn't the photo itself that I recognized, it was the people in it. Or... at least one person. 

He looked about my age....Shorter hair, no scar,... And he was smiling. 

*insert twilight zone music here*

It's Leon.... Back when he was Squall....

I glanced quickly at the, afraid the Seph might come out of the bathroom at any moment and catch me snooping. My better, and certain, judgment scoffed. Yeah right, it had only been barely 15 minutes since he went in the bathroom. I had plenty of time... Unless he forgot something. 

I should quite while I'm ahead. 

I started to close the journal and just walk away. But I couldn't help but wonder, it was more like a nagging pull at my gut, why would Seph have Leon's old journal in his possession? What was he doing with it anyway? I wonder if Cloud knew about this....

I felt a frown crease my brow. I suddenly felt like I'd been left out of a very important, very crucial, circle of information. There was something in this books pages that I should know about. It was a window into Leon's past. 

I was so not ready for the secrets written on this journals pages.... 

------

Sephiroth

------

I threw my now damp hair over my shoulder and rubbed my scalp for a moment. My hair felt really heavy not that it was completely wet. The thought of getting it cut again crossed my mind. I stared at my reflection in the mirror over the sink for a moment. I guess I wouldn't look so bad with shorter hair. It would take some getting used too. But it would eliminate this 3 hours long process of keeping my waist length hair maintained. It was a tedious task that I usually did to keep myself occupied. Normally I just washed my hair once every few days and left it alone. 

I fingered a few strands and watched them curl up as they dried. You know... my hair is actually naturally wavy. Just imagine me with long silvery loose curls all over my head. Yeah.... I'd really look like a women. I had to blow dry my hair straight to keep it from getting wavy. Another tedious task. 

I shrugged for not real reason and stripped out of my pants and underwear. I'd taken off my shirt along time ago to keep it from getting wet while I groomed my tresses. I'd managed to completely soak my bathroom rug too... Well, now I had something to do later. Wash my rugs. 

My life is so pathetic. 

If only Cloud where here.

I turned on the tube faucet and adjusted the water temperature. I shivered from the feel of hot water on my finger tips, and the tickle of my icy cold strands of hair on my back and shoulders. It was an odd but pleasant sensation to be honest. I turned on the shower head and climbed in the shower stall, pulling the curtains as I went. The steam instantly filled the bathroom and shower area. I closed my eyes and let the hot water run over me. I felt a lot of stress simply wash away with the water. 

Hmmmm. Felt so nice. I tilted my head back under the spray of water and felt a chill run down my spine. My scalp tingled from the sudden change in temp. That felt oddly nice too. All of these different sensations would have been great to share with Cloud. I could only imagine how much better I'd be feeling right now if his hands were playing all over me. Another, but strangely warmer, chill? Ran up my body. It started from my groin though. That was really nice. I think I'll think about Cloud some more. 

I was barely diving into my fantasies when I heard the distinct click of the bathroom door opening. I cursed myself of not locking it as I thought I should have earlier. I knew it was Riku coming in so I wasn't worried. At least..... not about a possible intruder lurking outside the shower curtain. I was a bit worried that Riku might peek into the shower though, and see it wasn't just my hair that I was tending to.

I have the biggest hard on right now. 

Awww.... just when my thoughts of Cloud were getting so nice and detailed. 

Down boy.... Down...

What the hell is Riku doing anyway?

I started to look out of the shower and ask him what was wrong. I thought quickly against it though since I had yet to really get control over the lower half/midsection of my body... part....

Seriously Riku... go away. Now!

I couldn't really tell what Riku was doing through the clear, as in see right through, showe curtain I had. the bathroom was really steamy now too. I could make out his blue pajamas in the dim haze though. He wasn't moving. Just standing there, facing the shower. I could tell that at least. 

He stood there for a long time. Not saying a word. Then I saw him walk up the shower curtain and put the palm of his hands against it. His finger tips pressed into the layer of plastic and leaned in towards me. My eyes narrowed of their own accord. I noticed once again that I still had a raging hard on. 

Riku, from what I could tell, was pressing his face into the plastic. I could make out the shape of his lips and nose in the film. His hands started to run up and down the shower curtain in a rhythmic circular pattern. I found myself raising my hands to follow his lead. Even through the plastic I could feel how cool his skin was compared to the hot water and steam in the air. I leaned in, without really thinking about it, and put my lips to his through the curtain. They felt just as soft through the clear barrier as they had when he forced them on my a few days ago. 

Riku backed away suddenly and I let my hands fall to my sides. I watched him through the curtain again saw him moving. I could clearly tell that he was taking his clothes off. I let him get his pants off before I tore back the shower curtain, my modesty forgotten, and leveled the 17 year old with a intense stare. Riku was naked, as in, no underwear either, from the waist down. He had his shirt down to 4 buttons, revealing his smooth chest and slightly curved abdomen. I could even see his navel. His face was flushed and his skin was shiny. I knew he was burning up in the cotton shirt in all of this hot steam. I knew he wanted to strip so he could cool off. I knew....

He wanted me...

But I had to ask.

"What do you want?" 

It wasn't a question directed at anything in particular. I really thought, naively, that maybe he just needed something or had something to tell me. I watched his cheeks turn 4 shades of red before his full pouty lips spoke so very softly;

"I want you." 

I raised my arms. 

"Here I am." I said in a low voice. And sighed when Riku's lips met mine in a heated and incredibly passionate kiss. 

The water tasted so good on him. So much more pure. 

------

Tim

------

I liked it.... Only for a little while...

But even still...

I'm just as bad as he is...

I enjoyed being hurt.... Being taken like that...

How can I ever... tell this to my parents...

They'll hate me forever...

------

Cloud

------

Still no call. Still no response. For goodness sake.... How many times did I have to let the phone ring before Seph picked up. 

I was on my 10 call to his place in the last 4 minutes.... This was driving me crazy. Was he avoiding me on purpose? I got the answering machine again and hung up the phone. I was at my wits end at this point. 

I felt nervous... worried... suspicious. All of those feelings were making me feel ill...

What was going on over there? What was so important in Seph's life right now that he couldn't answer the phone?

I knew the answer to that question before I finished thinking it up. 

It was Riku. He had Seph's immediate attention. He was over there, in Sephs's line of sight almost 24/7. There was no way I could compete when I wasn't even physically in Seph's view. I was tempted to go over there right now. But I looked at the clock and noted it was about 11 at night. It would be pointless to make my way over there this late at night. Besides, Seph and Riku were probably asleep by now. 

Asleep together....?

Sora's words were bothering me. In more ways then one really. I was still thinking about the way he so clearly described how it was to have sex with Sephiroth. He said it almost like he had really experienced it himself. Then he mentioned how Riku and Seph were so much alike, in appearance and almost in personality..... Would they somehow click and.... get together behind my back.... Those two.... practically radiated sex from their pores... There was nothing there to stop them from acting out on any kind of secret desire they may have been fostering for each other. Especially in Riku's case. And if what Sora said is true about Riku getting back at him... for Sora sleeping with Leon....

I think I'm going to just die....

I trust Seph. And I trust Riku. I have to keep faith in them that they won't let things get too out of hand. That they will control themselves no matter what the situation. 

And I know Seph... won't let anything... happen...

That he would never hurt me... like that....

------

Sephiroth

------

Riku practically had me pinned against the wall of the shower. His hands were roaming free, touching, testing, stroking, every part of me he could grasp without have to look. More then once his finger tips brushed my painfully hard arousal and I had to stop kissing him just to breath without choking on inhaled water. He was being so forceful, so passionate, that my head was spinning. All of this pent up energy in such a small boy. 

My mind was screaming to me that this was so wrong. So very, very wrong. 

But my body kept on going, kept on encouraging Riku to continue. And I could tell, and feel, he was just a turned on as I was. Riku's hips kept bucking every time his member pressed into my inner thigh, or my hand just grazed it while I stroked and caresses his slightly curvy hips. Riku was still in his pajamas shirt, and it was plastered, almost sucking, onto his skin. I could feel a very different type of heat radiating from him through the drenched clothe. His nipples were so hard I could see the pink flesh right through the almost transparent blue of his clothing. I let myself get pulled into another heated tongue tangle and I realized I'd actually let Riku get away with French kissing me. 

His mouth was so sweet. So hot....

I pulled him closer to me and deepened our already breathless kiss. I don't know why I suddenly felt inclined to ravage this absolutely gorgeous boy. Something in me had cracked, something extremely fragile. I couldn't resist anymore...

I came to conclusion to something I'd been denying for a while.... Since I'd first met Riku at 7th Heaven actually. 

I wanted this boy. 

From the moment I learned his name and saw that such a pretty face when along with the 4 letter word. 

I've wanted him.

My body wanted him.

I should have never allowed myself to be alone this long with Riku....

I fought back a gasp when Riku finally took me in his hand and started to stroke slowly. He was smiling up at me and running his free hand over my chest. I leaned forward and licked his swollen red lips, tasting them again, and sighed. It was like.. drinking warm green tea from some reason. With lots of sugar in it. 

Riku tasted so good. And that was just his lips.

I stroked his wet hair and started to kiss down his cheek, to his long slender neck, and across his shoulder. A soft moan wisped past his lips into my ears and groaned deep in my throat. Riku's hand tightened around me at the same moment as well. I had to fight down and very pleasure filled gasp. I was normally, fairly quiet when I was having sex.... But this hadn't even gotten as far as sex yet. It was just foreplay. I wanted to moan really loud every time Riku ran his fingers up and down me. 

I was so out of control...

I ripped the last 4 buttons of Riku's shirt off and tossed the heavy piece of fabric out side the bathtub. The shower curtain was still wide open, the floor was getting extremely wet, but I really found myself not even caring anymore. 

All I cared about was the person in front of me. 

This gorgeous living little wet dream. 

Riku. 

Riku tilted his head back to kiss me on the lips one more time before he started kissing across my collar bone. I let my head lull back against the shower wall and closed my eyes. Riku was slowly making his way down my torso, to my navel, just below my navel....

I didn't hold back the gasp that forced its way through my lips this time. It was so sudden, what Riku did, that I couldn't do more then just.... encourage him to go faster by cradling his head with my hands. Riku took his time. Dragging out each and every motion until my knees were practically bucking under me. I caught myself on the wall and looked down. My groin tightened just at the sight of what Riku was doing to me. 

I was also slightly amazed at how good he was at this....

Riku pulled back and looked up at me, his eyes half lidded, but twinkling. I ran my thumb over his lips and pulled him back up to me so we could kiss again. What ever inhibitions I had about not going to far with him earlier.. had completely vanished now.... 

I wanted Riku so bad....

My arousal was painfully pressing into my abdomen, reminding me of just how bad I really wanted to go on with Riku to the final stages of this erotic encounter. 

If I didn't do something soon I was going to.... splatter all over him....

That sounded so... dirty...

Riku looked down at our members and smiled. He was just as turned on as I was. He rubbed my hair out of my face and once again presses his moist full lips into mine. Our tongues danced for a while until he pulled back, leaned over the turn of the water, looked back at me and said two words that.....Cloud.... just.... could never say the same way no matter how hard he tried....

"Fuck me."

I practically hoisted Riku up on my shoulder and carried him back to my room. I didn't mind the fact that I'd tracked water all the way over 1000 dollar rugs, I didn't mind that my water bill for this day alone would be 3 pages long....

All I cared about was Riku. 

Riku had grabbed some dry towels sometime along the trek back to my room. I spread one of them out along the bed, Riku still over my shoulder, before I gently laid him down. His wet hair framed his head like a pool of silky sliver and I crawled over him to start another series of kisses and licks. He was giggling into my mouth like a girl and I couldn't help but chuckle back. He kissed my cheeks, my forehead, my nose, and let his hands roam over my sides and back almost like he was feeling me for the first time. The air in the room was cold, but I felt really, really warm at that moment. 

Riku was so beautiful. 

Almost, angelic beautiful. 

I buried my face into his flowering smelling wet tresses and took a breath. Riku smelled so pure, so clean, so.... innocent...

I pulled back and looked down at him. He smiled lovingly up at me and reached up to touch my cheek. My heart was starting to ache for some odd reason....

"Seph." Riku breathed. 

The ache subsided just slightly and I gestured for Riku to move up further onto the bed. He did so and rested his head on the many pillows. I leaned over to reach my nightstand and opened the drawer. Riku watched me with a slight gleam of anticipation in his deep aqua marine eyes. I bit back and soft moan from how hard it was to keep being patient. I was really pushing my will power to it's limits. 

I got the condom and lubricant out and went to work. I was about to tear open the silver little package when Riku stopped me with a touch of his hand to my shoulder. He looked deep into my eyes and said;

"Let me do it." His voice shook.

I hand the condom to him and watched him tear it open with a slight pull of his teeth on the plastic. He looked down between us, after wrapping his long slender legs around my waist, and blushed. He seemed to notice just now.... how endowed I was. I waited patiently for him to continue. He blushed the entire time he rolled the condom up, then I let him apply the lube. He was pretty good at the preparation part. I hissed when he ran his thumb over my tip and pulled me into him. I noted vaguely, that he wasn't going to give me a chance to prepare him. 

"Riku..." I said softly and he rose his eyes up to look in my face. He looked suddenly very scared. I noticed he'd been watching where I'd ultimately penetrate his body with a bit of hesitation. He didn't seem to sure about this anymore. I frowned.

"Go..." Riku started as he took a deep shuddery breath. "Go... slow okay..." 

I nodded at leaned over to kiss him. as a means of distraction. I felt him tense and went even slower. I was pressing only slightly into him and a pained, almost frightened whimper escaped his lips. I was about to pull away, bothered by how scared he sounded, but Riku wouldn't have it. He wrapped his arms around my neck and kept me positioned. I started again....

"Please go slow..." I heard him breath. This time, his voice sounded terrified. I reached behind my neck and loosened his grip. I sat back, Riku's legs still around my waist, and looked him in the eyes.

"You can say 'stop', Riku." I said softly. Soothingly. I wasn't going to take this any further anyway. I hadn't intended too in the first place. 

I'd lost my desire to sleep with Riku the moment he asked to 'fuck him' in the shower.

I was done after he uttered those words. I just had to find the right moment to stop. I had to see how far he'd let this go before the decided he didn't really want to do it anymore. 

"....I'm sorry...." Riku gasped and turned too look away from me. I gently dislodged his legs from around my waist and went to lay beside him. I absently removed the condom and tossed it in the waist basket on the side of my bed. So much for that... 

Riku had actually been ready to go all the way....

Didn't he feel bad about cheating on Sora?

I felt bad for even considering going all the way just now with Riku.... I felt awful actually. Not because Riku was a kid and really didn't know what he was doing, although that was part of it. I felt the most anger at myself because I'd almost let things get out of hand myself. Riku snapped me out of it with 2 little vulgar words. 

Cloud said the same thing to me the last time we made love. But those words weren't dirty coming from his lips. I wasn't just fucking him.

I loved Cloud. 

I didn't love Riku.

At all.

"It's alright Riku." 

Riku had balled up on his side, his back to me, and was sobbing silently to himself. I got out of the bed and went to get clothes to put on. I gave Riku a pair of my pajamas. After we dressed we sat in silence for a moment. I looked at the clock. It was exactly 1:30 am. 

"Riku." I started and he stopped messing in his damp hair to look at me slightly. He looked completely embarrassed with himself for what had just happened barely 10 minutes ago. He was surprised at himself I knew. Hell... I was surprised with myself too...

This was going to be so much fun retelling to Cloud... The kisses... no big deal... The touching... pushing it... The blow job and almost actual penetration....

I think I need to wear a bullet proof vest....

"Get dressed." I said. I didn't give any further explanation at that moment. I could see the fear in Riku's eyes towards my attitude though. He must think I'm mad at him about something.

He didn't have to ask. I told him.

"We're going to Cloud's house."

I thought that would make him happy. To hear he'd get to see Sora in a matter of minutes. But the look I saw flash briefly across his face mirrored my own. We were both in trouble.

We were doomed....

But maybe.... Considering how much Sora and Cloud loved us. We might get off with being their slaves for oh say.... the next 5 years....

To be continued

Author's notes-

Weird chapter. Well... to me it was anyway. Leon's part in particular was very difficult to write. Ack! If your confused, GOOD, you should be. You think things are resolved, you think Leon's back to his old self? Think again! Things are far worse now then before. Pay close attention to what Leon says about Seifer in his POV. Re-read if you have to. So, who saw that twist coming along, hmm, hmm? Anybody. Did you guys see Tim being mutilated beyond identifiable reasoning? I'm far to much of sinister B!TCH to let that happen. It's so much more complicated then that. *evil laughter* OH, And Sora. Crazy little (insert vulgar name calling here) isn't he? He just completely played on Cloud's weakness didn't he. Poor Cloud. He'll get to have fun next issue. Can you guys feel the tension yet? Part of the reason why I waited so long to put this chapter up was because I wanted to build up the suspense factor in the readers. I know you guys are just itching to see Cloud and Seph go at. They will, through yelling, screaming, and then make up sex. :P Cloud's about to find out just how loyal old Sephy really is. It's not a pretty sight. And Riku and Sora.... man... all I can say is that their scene is really fucked up. You will be mad at **_me_**, for writing such cruel things, and both of them, for feeling those cruel things, afterwards. Oh yeah, Wasn't Seph and Riku's shower scene **H-O-T!! **Fan service galore in this chapter. Thankfully it has to do with the plot. I am very much tempted to draw some of the scenes in this chapter out. If you guys are interested, drop a hint at what you like to see rendered out from Innocence Corrupted and I'll get right on it. It's bought time for me to do a 'Thanks for #### of hit's' pic anyway. Cid, Aeris, and Yuffie all make an appearance next chapter as well. As always, thank you to all of my readers for your continued and loyal support. Lots to look forward too. 


	18. Chapter 18

--None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Took me long enough huh? :P:D

--------

Chapter 18

------

Will you still love me, once you really know the **real** me...?

------

Sephiroth

------

I don't think it's healthy to be feeling this... awkward... around someone I almost slept with. Someone one I'd been living with for almost 2 weeks. It's been.. a long time since I felt _this_ uncomfortable.

Here we were, in the car, in absolute graveyard silence, minus the crickets, much closer to each other then I really wanted to be at the moment. Riku hadn't said a word since we left my apartment. I really hadn't said anything either... besides telling him to put on his seatbelt...

What was there to say?

I know without a doubt I just made the BIGGEST mistake of my life.

I'd hurt not just myself, but Cloud and Riku.

I'm sooooo going to Hell for this....

I let things get out of hand..... WAY out of hand...

I should have never agreed to do this in the first place. What the hell was I thinking? I knew damn well this kid had a crush and me and that...

"....I'm.... really sorry...."

Riku's voice was soft and muffled. He was facing away from me, hiding behind his mussed up white tresses. I watched him for a moment before quickly averting my eyes back to the road before I had a wreck. Why was he apologizing?

"I... don't know what came over me... I couldn't help myself... I was just tired of... hiding how attracted I was to you..."

I raised an eyebrow beside myself.

"Was?"

The word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. This was going to be interesting. Well... at least we were talking now.

"... Still am... but not so much... anymore..." Riku turned to look at me then and I noticed how tired he looked. We really hadn't gotten any sleep tonight and it was almost 2 in the morning now. I started to tell him to just get comfortable and sleep until we reach Cloud's place. But the look on his face told that what he was about to say couldn't wait until later.

"Sora told me a while back that he felt you were a threat to him..."

I raised both eyebrows. Why would Sora say something like tha.... uhaha... don't answer that...

Riku looked down at his folded hands and frowned before he went on.

"I was so mad at him when he told me that too. I felt like... he didn't trust me or something... That he had so little faith in me that he thought I'd run off with any guy with big.... uh.. assets..."

I wanted to laugh. But this wasn't supposed to be a humorous moment was it?

"Point is.... how could he be so untrustworthy of me? I've done nothing in the past.... like **_that_** to give him reasons to think that way.... I thought I'd proved how much I loved him already...

I kept my mouth shut and continued listening.

"But I thought... why do I have to be so perfect for him... I should be the one feeling suspicious of him. He never told me about his relationship with Leon until I got raped... How could he keep something like that from me... And act like it was none of my business...?"

Still I kept silent.

"Sora's so.... I don't know... **Fake**."

Riku looked at me when he said that word, his gaze asking if that was the best word to use to make his point. I just nodded. I knew what he was getting at. And I'm glad he'd noticed it. Kept **me** from having to say it out load.

"Sora acts all helpless and sweet... and innocent... But deep down... he's... just as... screwed up as the rest of us..." Riku paused and looked out the window again.

"I always felt like I had to protect him from everything... and everyone. And I went out of my way to make sure no harm in anyway or form came his way.... I doubted Sora's abilities to take care of himself.... because he's just **so** _fucking_ nice....

Riku blew in exasperated breath through his bangs before going on.

"Back on the island... He's was everybody's golden ray of sunshine. He smiled no matter WHAT was going on. I mean... older kids used to pick on him because he was smaller then them... They'd trip him, shove him, one of the fuckers even punched him in the chest for no reason...and do you know what he did? He got up, dusted himself off and _smiled_."

Riku jumped slightly in his seat out of barely restrained anger. I'm glad he has his seat belt on. I could tell just remembering these things was bothering him greatly. Sounds like Sora was a very passive person... He still kind of is now...

"He never stood up for himself to anyone... not even to me. I never did anything to hurt Sora though. A few times I'd play tricks on him... because he was so gullible... but I never **hurt **him... He was my best friend and I'd do anything for him...."

Riku fell silent for a moment and I wondered if he'd grown tired of telling me his thoughts. When he spoke again his voice sounded sad, broken, and almost on the verge of tears.

"He stood up for Leon.... He keeps apologizing for Leon.... He'll take up for a man that abused him, molested him, raped me, tried to kill his friend, killed a bunch of innocent bystanders.... but he'd never take up for himself..." Riku covered his face and sighed.

" I don't get it..." Riku looked at me again and I gave him a quick glance.

"Sora... actually... got mad at me for calling Leon a bastard..."

I won't say anything.... not yet...

"_What_ is it about Leon that would make Sora... allow such horrible things to be done to himself..."

I blinked. Was that... a rhetorical question...? Was it even a question?

Riku was looking sternly at me and I could tell what he'd say next would probably make me hit the breaks really hard... Maybe cause an accident... It was his last... statement that was bothering me.

"I read Leon's diary..."

I **didn't** hit the breaks! Yay! I just lowered the window really fast. I was having trouble breathing all of a sudden...

"Really..." Was all I could manage. FUCK! I thought I'd hidden that thing....

"I guess I should ask you were you got it and why you had it.... And then I should ask why you didn't tell me about it...."

I looked at Riku, guilt and apology crossing my face. I couldn't explain myself out of this one.

"I'm not going to ask.... because I don't care how... not anymore..."

Riku went silent again. For a longer duration of time. I was about ask him how he felt about the things he'd read in the journal but he suddenly perked up again.

"Can you pull over... I'm... not really in a hurry to see Sora yet... besides.. I still wanna talk to you about something..."

I was surprised and couldn't hide it. I pulled off of the next intersection from the freeway and parked in a 24 hour grocery store parking lot. Riku unhooked his seat belt and turned his whole body to face me. I unbuckled but didn't look in Riku's direction. He figured I was listening.

"I guess I should be mad huh...?" Riku was playing in his hair again. He was nervous. I picked up on that habit a long time ago from him.

"You have every right to be. I was wrong for keeping something that important from you." I sighed and rubbed at my temples. I think I'm getting a tension headache.

"Does Cloud know about all of that...? About what happened to Leon..?"

I shook my head. I saw anger flash in Riku's eyes just briefly.

"So... both of you... knew this... but.... Do you guys **feel **sorry for him now?"

Riku's voice shook as he spoke. I could tell he was extremely upset and was forcefully trying to keep his temper in check. He didn't have to hold back for my sake though.

"Feel sorry....?" I said slowly. I wouldn't say that. I did pity Leon. He was... a sorry excuse for a man now. A long time ago I did feel sorry for him.... But... I went through nearly the same thing and I was 5 years younger then he was when it happened to me... You don't see me running around raping and almost killing people. Leon was out of control.

"No. I don't feel sorry for Leon. I think he's pathetic actually. But... you had to be there to understand just what it was like... I can't explain or apologize for Leon... For Squall...."

I turned and looked at Riku and winced internally at the appalled look on his face. I finished my sentence though.

"I.... understand where he's coming from.... Riku..."

Riku blinked several times, his pale sea green eyes were wide and utterly confused. I frowned and mentally kicked myself for unintentionally revealing some of my past. He was going to ask me about it now I knew.

"Had to be there....?" Riku said slowly. Those words seemed to sink in and he gave me a wide horrified stare.

"Yes...." I closed my eyes tight as the mental images of that hellish night replayed in my mind. I could almost feel the blows... I could smell the blood... I could hear his pained pleas for mercy...

Squall... I tried to help you...

I really did...

"Seph.... tell me about yourself... I hardly know anything about you... Did you.. know Leon back then...?"

Riku stuttered over his words. He seemed reluctant to ask me about such personal things.

I owed him this at least. Oh boy... where to begin...?

"I..." I started then closed my mouth quickly. I realized something very horrifying to myself. I'd... never told _anyone _about my past before.... not even my own parents.... The only person who knew about it was Zack... because he'd been there to witness it....

"Seph...?" Riku asked in worried tone. I gave him a slight smile to reassure him that I was okay... I was really... but kind of scared too...

"I used to be in the military...." I started again. I didn't stop after that. Once I'd finished retelling my mid-teenage-life-crisis I went silent. Riku was staring blankly out of the front window with his mouth gaping open. He looked to be in disbelief.

"...How... how did you... manage to... deal with all of that?" He asked breathless. I had to think about that for a moment. How had I? I really couldn't remember... I mean... I went through a stage of rage, self destruction, depression... I just came out of it okay. I had Zack there with me to help me deal....

"I just... wasn't going to let it control my life I guess. I had friends who were there for me... I just refused to let _them_ win... Them, as in, my attackers."

I sighed and rubbed my hand across my face. I was suddenly very tired.

"But it's not like that for everyone. Some people just can't let it go...." I added after a moment.

They won't let themselves heal...

I didn't want Riku to be like that. And he was doing his best to cope. He was trying to take control of the situation so he wouldn't feel helpless anymore. I was proud of him for that. He may have not had the best ideas to get better at first, but now he's on somewhat the right track.

"Seph... are you talking about Leon?"

I simply nodded.

"So... you knew Leon before he.... Before now...?"

I nodded again.

"Were you... friends with him...?" Riku asked timidly.

I laughed slightly, shaking my head.

"Um, no. I don't think he even really knew I existed... He's older then me. I was only 14 back when all of that happened. I was a little kid in his eyes...."

Riku closed his eyes.

"And.. you saw his boyfriend do those terrible things to him..."

I nodded very slowly this time and gave Riku a weary glance.

"I lost faith in our justice system that night.... Hmph, bastards laughed at me. They thought I was making a prank phone call...."

That left a bitter taste in my mouth. It was because of that fucked up stunt by the police that I joined the military. I was so tired of having to depend on other people to protect me and people I cared about. I'd do it myself. I'd... protect Squall.... Imagine being 14, calling the police to report a domestic dispute, and being told two faggots fighting isn't considered abuse.....

Yeah.... Makes me want to vomit...

"....This is so unfair..." Riku said suddenly. I was snapped out of my thoughts by his comment and gave him a confused look. What was so unfair?

"I... I can't even hate Leon anymore now... Everyone's going to expect me to feel... **sorry **for him being abused by his boyfriend... They're all going to say he has a good excuse.... for raping me..."

"Riku, no. That's not true." I started reassuringly. **I** for damn sure **didn't **feel that way.

"_That's_ **Sora's** **_reason_**!!"

I closed my eyes and ran my hands through my hair. Riku was right. I knew it, Cloud knew it and Riku did too now. It was all apart of Sora's _grand design_ to help Leon over come his past and trust people again. But it had backfired beyond repair. Leon was everything but over his past. He was practically living in it all over again....

"I can't believe he'd do that.... I'm starting to think that Sora.. was actually glad that Leon raped me... That was his way of punishing me for what I almost did 2 years ago..."

I frowned at how true that _could_ really be. It was extremely cruel if it was Sora's true intentions.

Riku's was practically pulling at his hair now.

"Sora can look me straight in the **face** and still say Leon's **not** a bad person. And maybe at one point in his life he _was_ a good person. But not now... I could understand if he'd done this only once... then went and got help for it.. But to keep going... To keep following an endless path of destruction...."

Riku growled and shook his head a few times.

"So having an abusive boyfriend makes Leon's actions **okay**?! What if **_I_** started going out killing and raping people!!? Would Sora feel _sorry_ for **me**? Would he _forgive_ **me**? Would he.... would he let **me** _hurt_ him the way he let Leon...?"

I shook my head, really to myself, at Riku's outburst. I didn't know how to answer him because I wasn't Sora....

"What else do I have to do.... to show him how much I love him..? I tried to let it go... but I can't... Every time I close my eyes...** he's **there... I can still feel how much it hurt... I can still feel how scared I was... I begged and pleaded for him to stop... I kept asking myself..., '**What** did I **do** to _deserve_ **_this_**?'"

Riku was sobbing now. I grabbed his shoulders and forced him to look at me.

"Riku, you didn't **do** _anything_. It **wasn't **your fault." I said sternly. Riku had suddenly taken 50 steps back in his succession to recovery. This was not good... Not good at all.

"Does Sora _really_ **hate** me that much... for what I did...?"

Riku lowered his head and bawled into his hands. I was at a total loss for what to do next. I hadn't been ready for this.... I thought Riku was past all of this...

" I'm so sorry for hurting him, for hurting Kairi, for causing so much trouble. I've asked for forgiveness a thousand times, and I've done everything I could think of to make amends... I just... don't know what to do anymore...."

I couldn't hide how sad I felt for Riku right now... Poor kid...

"I wish.. I could tell Leon... how sorry I am that he had to suffer like that...."

My eyes went wide. What did Riku just say?

"No body deserves to go through what he did.... Especially at the hands of the person **you** love with all of your being.... but... that doesn't give Leon the right to hurt other people..."

Riku's sobs died down a bit and he could speak a little clearer. I watched him with calculating gaze. What was he getting at here?

"I hate him. I'll never forgive him for he did to me. And I'd... like to know why he raped me.... Why he hates me so much.... for no reason I can think of..."

"He's in love with Sora." I said stiffly. Riku sniffled once then looked up at me. He didn't looked surprised though.

"He feels you're a threat. He doesn't think you're good enough for Sora after what you tried to do 2 years ago. You took away the only person he's let himself love in almost 10 years...."

Riku frowned at me.

"He doesn't trust you." I breathed.

I sat back in my seat with an exhausted sigh. Everything I just said put us right back at the starting point. Why rape Riku though? Why attack Aeris? Why kidnap some innocent kid..? Why go that far....? None of it made any sense. It was so... **out** of character for Squall... At least the Squall **I** **_used_** to know.

"We can go now...." Riku said softly, pulling his seat belt back on. I did the same and started the car up. In no time we were back on the free way headed to Cloud's place. Riku didn't say anything else during that time and we soon pulled up in front of the apartment building. I parked the car and we sat there in silence for a moment, neither of us making a move to get out of the car. I gave Riku a weary smile and took his hand. He looked pale all of a sudden.

"Riku... whatever happens, you have my support. I know Sora and Cloud are going to be upset. But they'll get over it."

Considering this **was** Cloud's fucked up idea in the first place.....

Riku gave me a stiff nod and made a move to open the car door. He paused for a moment then _leapt _out and ran to the side of the building behind some bushes. I was to surprised by his actions to move at first. Then I heard a gagging sound and groaned.

Poor kid.

I walked slowly around the corner and winced each time I heard Riku gag. I wasn't too eager to watch him throw up and turned my back once I'd reached him. I have to admit... I can handle blood and guts tossed all over the place in battle, but someone puking makes my insides turn. Maybe it's the smell....?

"You alright?" I asked after a moment. Riku had gone silent so I assumed he had finished tossing his cookies. He took a few shuddery breaths and panted a pained 'yes'. I turned around then and reached out to help him stand.

"I... just... felt kind of sick..." He stuttered and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his sweater. I shook my head, frowned, and told him **not** to do that.

"Urg... clean up when we get upstairs alright."

Riku nodded. He looked deathly pale right now.

This was going to be... uh... interesting to say the least.

God help us...

Riku was still sucking in gulps of air by the time we reached the front door to the building. I rubbed his back and gave him a reassuring smile before hitting the buzzer under Cloud's name. There was a long silence before anyone answered. Cloud sounded surprised.

"He.. hello."

I'm sure he wasn't expecting anyone to ring his doorbell at 2 in the morning.

"It's me, Cloud." I answered softly. Riku was staring at the concrete trying to focus on his feet and get his equilibrium straight.

"Seph..."

Cloud whispered softly. He sounded short of breath and extremely surprised. He must have really missed me. I hope I can restrain myself from sprinting up the stairs once he unlocks the door. I missed him more then I could put into words right now. I was SO close too.

"Can we come up?" I asked a little unsure. Why was it taking Cloud so long to unlock the door? Was he mad at me for being so distant?

Oh no...

I bit my bottom lip and twirled a strand of my hair anxiously. Riku's habits were rubbing off on me. After another moment the soft mechanical buzzing of the lock unlatching rang in my ears. I pushed the door open and pulled Riku inside. We stopped for a moment again and he sat down on top of the heater in the mail area.

"...I don't think I can do this anymore..."

I gave Riku a slightly confused look. He could have meant a few _different_ things by saying that.

"...It's kind of to late now, Riku." I said smiling, motioning to the fact they we were already here at Cloud's place. My heart wasn't in it though. I have a feeling Cloud's going to slap me once I tell everything that's been going on. I guess I deserve to be hit though.

"...You wanna know something...? This... has been bothering me for a while now..." Riku spoke softly and slowly, staring down at his lap. I leaned on the stair railing to listen.

"... I can hate Leon all I want... But if I do that, I should also hate myself..."

I'm getting a headache from frowning so much. Riku... seriously, come on. Enough of the self accusations already....

"...Leon... **did **all of those things for a reason. A reason **he** at least thinks is valid. To him... what he did was **right**... So, does what I did to Sora two years ago mirror what Leon's doing now? My excuse for hurting Kairi, and helping in the near destruction of our world, was because I loved Sora. I loved him enough... to almost kill the one person rivaling me..."

Riku paused and drew a breath. He looked like he was going to puke again. I looked around for a trash can and noticed the one nearby was to big for me to pick up and sit in front of him. Hold **it** in Riku. **Hold** it in. Urg

"I was so blinded by my... jealousy for Kairi that I almost killed a lot of innocent people... I was a fool though... I forced Sora to choose between his two best friends. But I couldn't help it... I just wanted to be with him so badly. I was so close too.... Then Kiari showed up and ruined everything..."

Riku raised his head to look at me and absently rubbed his temples.

"When you really think about it... I forced Sora to love me... in return for the safety of everyone he held dear...."

I should just hand over my Masters Degree in Psychotherapy right now. Riku was psycho- analyzing himself.... far better then I ever could. No where during my studies was **_this_** kind of thing mentioned. I had no CLUE what to tell Riku this time. If I came right out and told him he was wrong, he wasn't doing what Leon is doing, I may confuse him. But if I stay quiet, he might think I'm agreeing with him.....

Someone help me... seriously....

"... But... if I'm so much like Leon... wouldn't that make Sora love me even more? If Leon is really what he wants in a lover...?"

****

That's a trick question if I ever heard one.

"Unless... Sora really _doesn't_ love Leon as much as he lets on... then he doesn't love me as much as I think he does..."

I _don't_ think Riku's talking to me anymore.

"Wait.... Sora never came out right and said he loved... Leon... not the way he said he loved... me... So that means..."

Riku suddenly stood up and looked at me wide eyed. It took a minute for his words to sink in though. I was to busy thinking about my explanation to Cloud.

"Leon... ? Riku gasped. "...The way he's acting isn't normal for him... Why would he hurt his friends. Aeris, she's known him longer then all of us right? And it's not common for someone so mentally damaged to lash out at the people closet to him."

I frowned while I thought about this. Riku was right.... Why would Leon...er Squall do all those things? He's not that crazy.... and I honestly don't think he meant to hurt anyone....I know people change over time... but his behavior is just so.... out of character that I could swear he's acting like.....

Oh dear God....

Why didn't I see this sooner!

I gave Riku a dazed wide eyed look and he stared back at me in confusion. We'd both come to realize two different things, both involving Leon. I don't quite think Riku was on the same page as me though.

"Seph... what's wrong? You look kind of.... worried..." Riku said softly and walked up to me. I shook my head to clear my mind and took Riku's hand.

"I've got to speak to Cloud...." I said mostly to myself. If I was right about what I was thinking about, then this whole ordeal with Leon would be over. How could I have missed it in the first place? Sora had pretty much told me and Cloud about it. He probably didn't realize it though but he was a vital part to this whole equation. I couldn't tell Riku about my theory just yet though.... it might upset him... and make him lash out at Sora...

With a new found vigor I made my way, holding Riku's hand, up the stairs to Cloud's apartment.

------

Cloud

------

I was dozing off. The nice blissful embrace of sleep almost had me. Then I heard the buzzer to my apartment go off. I snapped awake and looked around. I noted absently that it was 3 in the morning. Who the FUCK is ringing my doorbell at this hour?

I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the door. About half way there I stopped though and thought about this.

Just who would be at my door at this time of the night?

Should I be scared?

Maybe someone got locked out of there apartment and forgot their key....?

Dude.... what if it's Leon...?!

I shook my head to rid my mind of sleep and ill conceived thoughts. If it was Leon I could take his skinny ass down no problem.

I think...

Not like he could get up here without me unlocking the door first anyway. I continued on my way to the door. Was almost there when Sora's soft, childlike voice made me freeze mid step.

"Stop acting so surprised." He whispered.

I didn't waste my time looking to see where he was. I knew very well by now. He'd turned into a little hermit, camping out in the corner of the living room. I looked at the wall in front of me and noted his shadow splayed across it. His unruly hair and slender frame were silhouetted perfectly on the wall.

"You already know who it is."

Sora went on. I was actually surprised to hear him talking so much. He hadn't said a word since he dropped that overly cryptic message of his unspoken love for Leon in my lap. I'd avoided talking to him after that as well. He'd freaked me out.

"You look like a wife that's been waiting up late wondering oh so desperately where her husband is. He hasn't called, or written in a very long time, and you're at your wits end with worry."

Sora laughed softly to himself. He thought that shit was funny. I started to call him something REALLY mean but put my temper in check. He was JUST a kid, I kept telling myself.

****

ONE more word Sora and Domestic Services will be dragging me off of you with pepper spray and clubs!!

I FINALLY reached the door and pressed the receive buzzer for downstairs. I asked 'hello' and waited for a reply. It was silent for a minute and then I heard a voice that made my heart do triple-spin-flips!

happiness meter, rising, rising, rising (It's not **_that_** that's rising, PERVERTS!)

SEPH!

internal feminine squeal

Yay!

I tried to get keep my happiness under some control. The last thing I needed was Sora making remarks about me hopping around like an idiot chanting Sephiroth's name. I did kind of feel like doing that. Ah heh...

I didn't hesitate unlocking the downstairs door and pretty much ignored whatever else Seph asked me. He could talk to me when he got upstairs.

I unlocked the door while I waited and stood smiling like a fool. I couldn't wait to see Seph's face. It felt like I hadn't spoken to him, seen him, touched him in.... **_years_**. I was so giddy that I was shaking.

I can't wait to hear what.... what he's been... up... to....

happiness meter.... dropping...., dropping....

I slumped, somewhat defeated. My happy energy had all drained away suddenly. Why was I suddenly so worried? I mean... Seph... was going to be in my arms in about 5 seconds. I should be running out of the door to meet him right? Then why do I feel so sad....? So scared...?

Something... bad is about to happen.....

I covered my face out of confusion. I was starting to feel like I'd have an anxiety attack.

What the hell...?

I heard Seph and Riku's foot steps scaling the last flight of stairs before they reached my door. I wondered why they didn't take the elevator. I opened the door and stood aside to watch them come in. I felt my heart and head flutter erratically when Seph came into view.

I couldn't seem to say anything....

Seph smiled slightly, but I noticed how forced it was. He looked somewhat distressed.

"...Hi..." He said just above a whisper and stood rooted where he was. I blinked and felt a sharp sting of sadness work it's way into my throat from his stiff almost cold '**Hi**'.

Was that all he had to say?

I forced, I mean _really_ forced, myself to smile. Oh it was fake. And Seph knew it too because he bit his bottom lip and averted his gaze from me. I noticed Riku standing behind him, trying to stay out of my line of sight. He was latching onto Seph like a 3 year old to their mother. I couldn't stop the glare that came to my eyes.

I hadn't seen Riku... in a while... He looked the same... a little tired maybe... My glare turned into a frown of disapproval. I was still mad at him for running away. I probably would stay mad until he gave me an extremely good explanation. I was tempted now to go off on him. But I noticed how Seph seemed to be blocking him from me and stopped myself.

"Can we come in?" Seph asked softly. For a minute I was tempted to slam the door in his face. Why was he acting so timid? He seemed almost guilty about something. I was starting to feel sick from worrying so much...

What the hell's going on?

"Yeah..." I said stiffly and stepped aside to allow Seph to walk by me. Riku seemed hesitant to come near me at first but I motioned him in as well. I couldn't help but glare at the back of his head. I wanted to smack him. For more then him just running away too.

God, let go of my boyfriends hand! What are you, a six year old?!

I shook my head to rid if of the vicious thoughts running rampant in it. I had no reason to be acting like this. Sure I was upset, sexually frustrated to the maximum, and worried out of my mind. Take a deep breath Cloud. Everything will be alright. Seph's here now and I'm sure he has a reasonable and very rational explanation for never calling, emailing, or stopping by to see me.

I closed my door and locked it. The click of the dead bolt was rather... ominous. Riku jumped.

There was a long dramatic silence and I caught myself gritting my teeth.

**__**

OKAaaaaaaY!!

"So..." I started and looked everywhere around the room **but** at Seph. I noticed Sora had gone back to his little hovel in the living room since he was nowhere in sight at the moment. I could only imagine what was running through his mind right now. Did he see Riku holding Seph's hand?

Did he even care?

"So...?" Seph repeated and I heard a bit of humor in his voice. That made me feel a little better. Relaxing a bit, I stepped forward, intent on embracing my lost love. He held out his arm to hold me at bay....

arrow to the heart, dies

Seph shook his head and motioned at Riku. I glared again at the boy and put my hands on my hips. Waiting.

"He got sick." Seph explained calmly.

Riku nodded a few times and closed his eyes. He... looked like he was going to be sick _again_...

"Cloud... I'm.. sorr..." Riku started. I heard the ominous gurgle in his throat and I stepped back cringing. Seph was slower to react. Riku stared in shock at what he'd just done.

"Seph... I am... so... sorry...." He gasped and hid his face in embarrassment. Man... Poor kid must be real nervous about something. I felt too sorry for him right now to be mad that he'd just soiled my carpets.

"I'll get it Riku." I said softly and went to the kitchen to get my handheld carpet cleaner. This was just... weird. Riku was a pretty tough kid. I'd only seen him cry once in the whole time that I knew him, and that was, I believe, the day after he was raped. Riku isn't the type of person to express his feelings, besides anger, to much. He doesn't like showing helplessness. I guess I can understand that to some extent. But Riku's a kid. It's okay to ask for help. He was kind of like Seph in that sense. I don't think Seph's ever shown being helpless around me.... or anyone really....

But... for Riku to be so nervous or scared that he'd throw up... Something must be seriously wrong.

Seph ushered Riku into the bathroom to clean himself and Riku up. He'd probably have to take his trench coat to the cleaners. The smell of puke was hard to remove.... My poor carpets.

This situation would have been funny had this been any other time....

I set to work cleaning up my carpets and gagged. This wasn't how I expected to spend my night.... I finished cleaning before Riku and Seph were done in the bathroom and went to check on them. Seph had finished wiping off his coat and slung it over the shower railing to dry. Riku was gurgling water over the sink.

"You okay?" I asked Riku and walked up to him. He glanced up at my reflection in the mirror and nodded before spitting out the water. His cheeks were bright red.

"I... couldn't hold it in...." He explained and gave me an apologetic stare. I shook my head. It was no big deal. Happens to the best of us.

"You want some warm ginger ale or something?" I asked, attempting to be helpful. Seph had his back to me while he ran the ends of his..... He has his hair tied back... I blinked and lost my train of thought... I'd... never seen him with his hair pulled back before... I hadn't even noticed it until now...

I didn't like it that way...

Seph gave me a sidelong glance before lathering some soap onto the ends of his hair and rinsing it. I'm assuming some of Riku's baby puke got on his hair. ICK!

Riku nodded in agreement to getting the soda and followed me out of the bathroom. He flopped down on his back on the couch and closed his eyes to rest. I got his drink and sat down across from him on the other couch.

"Take your time." I whispered to Riku while he sipped his soda. As I sat there watching him I noticed how he was trying really hard not to look me in the eye. What was he hiding from me for? What had he done _besides_ run away?

Seph came out of the bathroom a little while later, towel drying the end of his ponytail. I frowned again at his hair being tied back. I'd have to fix that as soon as I got the chance.

"Feel better?" He asked Riku, but he was looking directly at me. I made a face at him and noticed he smiled slightly. Riku nodded a few times but didn't look up.

"Well.... are you going to be okay out here by yourself? I need to talk to Cloud about something."

silent gasp

There goes that bad feeling again. Seph wanted to _talk? _Why did he **say** it like _that_? Why was he asking Riku if it was OKAY for the two of us to leave him in the living room?

I gave Seph a surprised and utterly confused look until he came over to me and took my hand.

"Come on." He said softly in my ear. My whole body tingled from his voice and from his touch. **OH**, he wanted to **_TALK_**. Ah heh heh, I get it now.... I think...

I let myself be wisped away to my room without a second thought. Riku was probably gagging. But I didn't care.

Seph was mine again. We'd talk, make love, then everything would be okay.

I was **so** not ready for what he told me though.

------

Riku

------

I am so embarrassed!

I just... puked TWICE in front of Seph. And ALL OVER HIM!!!!

DIES

I can't believe I just did that. This is worse then me trying to jump his bones in the shower! I'm never going to live this down. And what's worse, I threw up on Seph in FRONT of Cloud!

stabs self

ARG! I couldn't resist stuffing my face into the couch pillow I'd latched onto like a security blanket. I screamed into it and punched it a few times.

I!

Am!

So!

****

Lame!

Seph must be disgusted with me. In one night I've managed to screw up enough for three life times. I can't believe I almost slept with... someone who **wasn't** Sora! But I wanted Seph **SOOO** bad! Enough to risk everything. Like... my failing relationship with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend...

Sora...

The one person I want to see more then anything... But I'm terrified to face him... What can I say to him...? I know deep down... he's holding some weird grudge against me.... I want to find out what it is... but first I have to apologize to him for what I almost did. I tried to sleep with Seph as a way to punish Sora for sleeping with Leon...

Sora wasn't with me when he slept with Leon, so it was.... okay I guess....

But.. I haven't broken up with Sora yet....

So what I almost did with Seph was cheating....

This is so frustrating... How can I even begin to apologize. I want to be with Sora. I always have. I love him with all of my heart and soul. Being away from him for this short time has given me a chance to think. I hope after what I tell Sora tonight that he can still find it in his heart to love me... and to forgive me...

"Pathetic."

I sat up sharply and stared around. I didn't even recognize the scratchy, almost exhausted sounding voice that spoke to me. I saw his eyes before I noticed the rest of his body. He was hiding in the darkness, watching me. Looking unnervingly like Leon used to.

"Hi... Sora..." I said softly and tried to smile. It fell flat though when he stepped out of the darkness.

Oh dear god... He looks awful and... he's really pissed about something.

"Hello Riku. It's good to see you again."

Sora's words were like DRY ice. My heart practically withdrew into itself at his tone. He sounded more like he wanted to cast a hex on me. One that would rip my eyes out and gouge them over hot knives.

shiver

I think I'll stand up now. Sora was looming over me and making me kind of nervous. He was staring at me so intensely that I almost couldn't match his gaze. This was going to be difficult.

"Why are you here?" Sora suddenly asked.

Man did he sound bitter. I guess I owe him an apology for not really explaining myself. I did just kind of get up and leave. And I didn't call or write. That wasn't completely my fault though. I wanted to contact Sora... I just... Even if I had I wouldn't have even known what to say to him.

"I live here." I said, in a matter of fact tone. It was true... And the best answer I could come up with. Sora scowled just slightly.

"I thought you wanted to get away from me."

Here we go.

I ran a shaky hand through my hair and looked around the room. If I didn't look in Sora's eyes I could keep my cool.

"Uh.. about that... I didn't really want to get _away_ from **you**..... I just... needed time to think... I was really confused about a lot of things. And the way I... attacked you that night... I just couldn't bare to look in your face...."

Sora blinked really slowly but didn't say anything. I kept going.

"So... I mean... In all honesty you **weren't** helping. The way you threw yourself at me, practically _forced_ me to fuck you and then you start raving about me wanting to be with Seph.... I was angry... At you for acting like that... and at myself for letting you goad me into responding." I was getting angry.

Sora started at me dumbstruck for a moment. I wasn't finished yet however.

"It's like...." I waved my hands frantically an a attempt to find the right words, "you... I don't know.... got suddenly jealous and freaked out. I wasn't sure if you were giving me head because you loved me or... because you thought Seph could do it better or something..."

I paused. Sora gasped deep in his throat and I saw hurt and anger flash in his eyes.

"I did it because I loved you!" He yelled, voice a pitch to high on the soprano note. And because of the hollow pain I heard in his voice. I snapped.

"Bullshit, Sora!"

He clamped his mouth closed, stopping himself from saying whatever it was he was about to say and stared wide eyed at me.

"You started tripping because you _loved_ me.... **Right**.... So, you'll go out of your way to give your body to me when you think you have a challenge, because you _love_ me **so** much, but when the time came that I needed your love _most_, that I _needed _your honesty, your shoulder to cry on, you turned your back on me."

I drew a breath and held up my finger to silence Sora. I. Wasn't. Done. Yet.

"Do you have even the slightest idea how much trouble you've caused? Leon could have very well killed me! He's still fucking **trying** too. He **tried **to butcher Aeris and then he **kidnapped **some innocent bystander. He could have very well already killed him!" "Squall wouldn't do that!" Sora yelled back me, almost cutting me of.

"Shut the **_fuck_** up, Sora!" I didn't yell, only spoke very slowly and calmly. That seemed to tear at his heart far more then me raising my voice. I was almost surprised I said that to him. But it was **MY** turn now. I was so pissed at Sora I couldn't even begin describe my level of anger right now.

"I came over here with every intention of talking this out and setting things right with you. I'm tired of fighting, yelling, and being scared out of my mind at the possibility of Leon finding us and slitting our throats. Being away from you gave me a hell of a lot of time to think I came to a very disturbing conclusion."

I paused for just one moment and took a shuddery breath. Sora was biting his bottom lip, nearly chewing on it, he was either really frightened of me right now, or so angry he couldn't react.

"Sora, I'm eternally sorry for **EVERYTHING** I ever did back then. I was a.... so fucking stupid... Too stupid to realize how much I hurt you. I forced you to choose between the lives of a many innocent people, Kairi, your other friends, over me. I was jealous beyond all **_conceivable_** reason, and I know exactly how you feel, thinking Seph might steal me away.... I felt the same way about Kairi."

I shook my head slightly so I wouldn't lose my train of thought. My rage was seeping away and I was feeling drained and really heart broken. There was this burning sensation in my throat, and an ache in my heart that made my chest hurt. I knew with my next words, I'd either get mad again, or burst into tears.

"I knew deep down you never forgave me for that shit I pulled two years ago... And I know deep in your heart that you believe Leon is only acting the way he is because of his past.... But Sora... never in my life have I ever wished anything bad on someone. Sure I wanted Kairi to just **go** away, but I never wanted her... hurt or... killed....:"

Fuck... my eyes are starting to water....

If I don't ask it now.... I never will...

"....Sora...."

".... Are.... are you glad Leon raped me...?"

There... I said it.

Sora looked at the floor and frowned.

"I...." He started.

Sora looked up at me and to my utter surprise, he _smiled_ just slightly.

"I wanted to hurt you... the way you hurt me... But I couldn't bring myself to do on my own... But I knew... somehow you'd get what was coming to you... Riku..."

I felt like I'd faint.

I couldn't believe it.

It was one thing to think Sora felt this way, but to actually _hear _him say it.

"Everybody always loved you Riku.. You were _so_ perfect. Good grades, you were good at sports, you were good at martial arts. Everybody looked up to you. You were the perfect role model for everyone...."

Sora sneered.

"I was always being compared to you. "_If only you were as nice as Riku." "Riku always helps out, all you do is lazy about." "Riku's always on top of things, he so responsible, he's so handsome, he's so respectful, _he's so **fucking** perfect!"

Sora took a deep inhale and a stream of tears fell down his cheeks. "I was **never** good enough for anything!!" Sora closed his eyes but continued to speak. "No body really respected me. I was just a _sweet goofy little boy_ with his head in the clouds. People only wanted to be my friend to get **close** to **YOU**! There was **_never _anything**just for me! My **OWN** god damn parents even compared me to you!"

Now... wait just a minute....How long has Sora been keeping this all inside..? I never knew he felt like this... It's not my fault everyone... Hold on....

Sora balled his fists and his voice raised a notch.

"I tried SO **_hard_** to keep up with you. If you did something I had to try and do it better! But I never could. Everything always came SO easily to you. You never even tried to be good. You just were!"

Sora opened his eyes and gave me the most hateful look I'd ever seen on his face. He didn't even look this mad when I told him I'd been raped. Further evidence the was happy it happened. Little bas.... holding his tongue

"All of this **IS YOUR FAULT RIKU**! Leon **raped _me_ **because I was fucking stuck here in this hell hole of a town **_ALL_** alone. If you'd never _ever _suggested that stupid adventure bullshit I'd be at home right now with my mom and dad, totally happy with my meager existence. But like the dumbass little fool in love I was I followed you into oblivion! And for the **FIRST** time in forever **I** was chosen to be the greatest.... and even _then_... it was a hand me down for **you**!

Sora advanced on me then and I had to take an involuntary step back. I thought he was going to hit me. I was too shocked to really say anything back to him....

"And you thought **saying **you were _sorry_ was going to fix things! Why don't you go and apologize to Kairi, to my parents, to all of those people you put in danger!? Why don't you tell Leon your sorry for being so disrespectful to him, even before he ever touched you? Why don't you..." Sora clamped his mouth shut and his eyes looked around the room really fast for a second. Another wave of tears leaked down his cheeks and I suddenly wanted to stab myself.

"I... envied you Riku.... I was so jealous of you. You had everything I wanted, everything I always tried so hard to get.... You were everything I wanted to be... When I started to realize how much I really loved you.... I didn't even think.. I was **_good_** enough for you....

Sora stepped back and lowered his head, crying.

"God Riku.... it's not.. fair.... Why is it that.... everything I do upsets everyone...? I can't do anything right.... I.... was so close to letting go of the past. And then... you said those things about Leon that day... and I got SO mad... You had no idea what he'd gone through.... I thought my life was hard... Compared to Leon's it was an easy stroll...."

Sora ran both hands nervously through his hair and sniffled. I frowned and swallowed but kept my mouth shut. I was going to let him finish before I said my piece.

"....The first **time**.... Leon did rape me.... But I was too scared to do or say anything about it.... Then I found his diary.... and.... I guess I tricked myself into thinking it was okay what he was doing.... He'd been abused so badly.. I just wanted him to have a chance to..."

Sora sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"I... don't know what I wanted.... It was so many different things running through my mind...."

There was silence for a minute. I waited to see if Sora had anything else to say. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. This little brat...

"Are you done?" I finally said. My tone was **everything **but sentimental and understanding. Sora looked up at me with wide confused eyes. He must have heard the anger in my tone of voice.

"That was a real nice little soap opera episode right there. I'm glad you told me all of that too. Because now I know I was right about how fucking spoiled and ungrateful you really are."

Sora gaped at me.

"You were compared to me huh?" I wanted to laugh really hard. This was kind of funny.

"Sora, do you know how old I was when I discovered I liked boys?" Sora took to long to answer. "10 god damnit. I was still a little kid!"

"Do you know how fucking crazy my mother is, no of course you don't, the bitch was so fucking **fake** around everyone. No one could have ever guessed she abused her only son. That she forced him to be something he hated. I was GAY **before** I reached puberty. My mother found out about that and do you know _what_ she did!?"

Once again Sora took to long to guess.

"She beat the fuck out of me. I didn't even know women could swing so hard! Do you know how much my mother hated you Sora?! She despised you because you were the one I loved. **YOU** were the **REASON** I was a faggot! Imagine your own mother calling you that! A dirty cock sucking faggot every time you came within her line of sight."

"So which is worse Sora, getting smacked around by your lover, or by the women that gave birth to you?! Unlike me, Leon had a chance to walk away when he got ready to. Oh, Seifer may have gone after him, but Leon always had a way to break free."

I slammed my fist into the wall closet to me and watched Sora jump. I was so fucking enraged.

"It's not like... a **woman** in that situation. Not that women are helpless, but up against a full grown man in a abusive relationship.. it's either kill or die... Leon's a man! Don't give me that he had **no** choice bullshit. I was a child standing against my mother. I didn't have SHIT! Sora, I'm sorry Leon had a fucked up life, **_millions_** of other people do too. But that does not give him the right to go around hurting others."

Recalling my past was starting to get a little hard to take. My voice cracked and I viciously wiped away tears. I wanted this to end right now. I was tired of everything. I should have just killed myself when I had the chance and been done with it. Fuck... everything....

"Fuck.. what does it even matter anymore. I was perfect. **For.** **You**, Sora. My mother would take you away from me if I even put a toe out of line. I had to be good at everything. Everybody **had **to LOVE me.... So I could be with you. You selfish little bastard! I did everything for you! And because I fuck up **once** you hate me forever. You wished harm on me, and it happened, and you were happy..."

I sucked in a deep breath...

"I'm sorry your life was ruined because I was forced to be a GOD in everyone's eyes! I'm SORRY that by a flukey fucked up chance of fate, we ended up being mortal enemies! I'm SORRY that I just wanted to get AWAY from the Island of HELL and BE WITH YOU! I'M SO FUCKING SORRY, That... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M apologizing for anymore...."

This is pointless...

"I'm done..." I said throwing my arms up. There was no point in talking, yelling, and screaming anymore. My throat hurt, I had a massive headache, I was tired..... I give up.

"I can't take this anymore. If you want to be with Leon so badly.... Go. To. Him." I gave a defeated sigh and turned to head for the door.

"It's _over_ Sora."

Those three ominous fate shattering words, said by me... The words I feared _over_ death to hear from Sora's lips. And I was the first to say them.

I heard him gasp and felt my emotions nearly overflow. I **didn't** want our relationshiop to be over. Sora had been my best friend since we were in diapers. Every pain I'd ever suffered had always been for him. I took the abuse from my mother, the sneers from people who hated me because they thought I was stuck up, I got into fights to protect Sora... Maybe I'm overly selfish... or just a damn fool... but I really doesn't matter anymore does it...?

"Again, I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I guess I was being to hopeful thinking you could ever forgive me... or _love_ me enough to forgive me for what I did."

I left it at that and went to the door. It took me a minute to find the 'real' door knob through my blurry vision. I pulled open the door and couldn't fight down the sob that escaped my throat.

Christ..

This hurt so bad...

"Riku!" I heard Sora yell. The desperation in his voice made me pause. I didn't turn back to him though. If he begged me not to go I would give in.... I couldn't let that happen.

I didn't turn to Sora, I only shook my head slightly and heard a defeated sob echo across the room from him. Reality had set in for him. I was **really** leaving this time. And probably not coming back.

I pulled up the door behind me. If Sora said anything else I didn't hear him. I walked in a daze to the elevator and pressed the down button. I was crying I know... but only the tears were coming. When the elevator arrived I stepped in and leaned against the wall. I couldn't bring myself to move after that.... and I collapsed....

The doors closed with a soft jingling noise and I just laid across the floor. It was like every ounce of my strength had been snatched out of my body. I let go then..... and just cried and cried..... for a really long time.

--------

Cloud

--------

The moment my bedroom door closed I leapt into Seph's arms for a long embrace. I came to me just as eagerly this time and we just held each other for a moment. During that long beautiful moment I pulled the hair tie from his hair and tossed it aside, before running my hands through all of the gorgeous silky strands. I missed this SO much.

Seph laughed softly and tightened his arms around me. Feeling the pressure of his body, feeling the warmth of his skin, seemed to make all of my worries vanish into thin air. He was all that mattered right now. I nuzzled into his neck and breathed in the scent of soap and cologne. We fell back onto the bed and I couldn't help but giggle like a girl. I felt all warm and fuzzy.

For a long moment, we just laid there in silence. Perfectly content with just being so close to each other again. Seph shifted and brought his hands to my hips and nudged me so I looked up at him.

"Hmm?" I said absently, lost in the euphoria that was Sephiroth. :D

"You really missed me didn't you?" Seph asked with a smirk. I frowned, okay pouted, and poked him in the ribs. He grimaced but smiled none the less.

"Yes I missed you. Dumbass." I hissed and snuggled even closer to him, if that were possible. Seph laughed good naturedly and ran his hands through my hair. My frown disappeared instantly and I smiled to myself. I felt like a kitten getting spoiled.

"Cloud..."

Seph said softly, and his tone forced me to sit up quickly, worry etched into my face.

He gave me the strangest look before he sat up and pushed me off of his lap. I felt an arrow pierce my heart again, that's 2 in one night. Insert chibi Cloud crying

"Seph... what is it. You're acting... kind of weird..."

Seph ran his hands anxiously through his hair, and I noticed, to my frustration, that Riku had the same habit when he got nervous. Why was Seph, of all people, nervous?

"Are... you mad at me about something?.."

I can't believe I just asked that... I really sound like a girl now...

Seph looked at me over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

"No. Do I have something to be mad at you about?" He assured. I bit my lower lip.

"Uh... me suggesting you take Riku to your place and... yeah.. that..."

Seph groaned and stood up. He walked away from the bed and went to stand next to the window. The lights from outside cast his shadow across the room, over me, and seemed to make the air a bit heavier.

"Yes... that..." He said softly.

"Before you say anything Seph.. I'm sorry.. For ever dragging you into this whole mess. I should have kept it to myself, should have gone right to the police.. regardless of Rilku's protests... I keep calling him immature... I'm no better then..."

"Cloud."

I froze and looked Seph in the eye.

"Shut up for sec would you." Seph sighed wearily. I couldn't help but gape slightly at his words. He'd never told me to shut up before... I don't think he's ever said it... at least not around me... I'm scared... I really am...

"I refuse to sit here and let you blame yourself over and over again about something you had nothing to do with."

I blinked.... Okay..

"True, you suggested I take Riku to my place, in hopes that he'd get better. It's true you stated, rather idiotically, to help him by any means necessary. But it's false that I had to actually listen to you, and do what you asked."

I blinked again.

"I could have said '**no'**, that it was a bad idea to take a 17 year old boy, who'd just been raped, who'd just had a fight with his boyfriend, who had a crush on me, to my place. I never said no, or thought to say it, because I _wanted_ to help."

I shifted on the bed.

"Cloud... I have my own mind... I love you, but your not such an influence on my actions that I'd do something crazy just because you asked me to. So **STOP **blaming yourself, okay."

I nodded, a confused smile on my face.

Seph closed his eyes really slowly and seemed to be forcing his voice to work. I have to admit it did hurt to hear his next words, but at the same time, I really didn't care... And that's because...

"I almost slept with Riku, Cloud."

I took a deep breath, waiting for him to finish.

"And when I say I 'almost', I mean.... we were naked, in my bed, and I was barely an inch away from penetrating him...."

I couldn't stop my eyes from widening, just the mental image.... Uh, anyway...

"We touched each other, all over. We kissed... the way **you **and **I** kiss... Riku sucked.... er... he did stuff to me that... sigh.... And it felt soo good, Cloud. I'm ashamed to say that I wanted to go on. I wanted to keep touching, and kissing, and then fuck Riku until... until... I guess until we passed out..."

Again, all I did was blink. A lot slower this time though.

"I let myself lose control. Not YOU. I'm a grown man, no one can tell me or force me to DO anything... I acted of my own accord and let things get... madly out of hand and I'm so...."

I stood up and crossed the room to stand right in front of Seph, he was ranting and raving on and on and didn't seem to notice me. He was just about to apologize when I grasped his face, shoved him against the wall, and kissed him with every ounce of my being.

I saw his eyes flutter closed, and he tried to resist me for just a moment, then he gave in. That proves I have more influence over him then he'll ever admit. grin

"So you wanted to fuck Riku?" I said softly, huskily, into to his ear. "So what." I bit his ear lobe gently enough to hurt, but not enough to be really painful. A shuddery breath left his lips.

"And you were so close weren't you?" Oh, this is fun. I don't care what happened 10 minutes ago at this point. All I want is Seph right now. All of him.

"You bad boy." I pulled back and licked just slightly at his lower lip. I wanted to laugh at the aroused fog that seemed to cloud his eyes. He was just a sexually gone as I was.

"You smell like him..." I said in a slight hiss. "..like Riku." But I wasn't mad.

"You smell like a baby." I started to pull Seph towards the bed by his shirt collar. He followed blindly.

"What you need to smell like, is sex, with me." I said and pushed Seph down on the bed. He gave me the cutest bewildered look I'd ever seen on his face before I straddled his hips. He hissed between clenched teeth when I sat, on purpose, on his delicate area.

I MISSED this!

"I could punish you for almost cheating on me. But then you could punish me for ever giving you the freedom to DO something like that right?" I nuzzled into Seph's neck and let my hands run under his sweater. I felt his hips buck up, so he could keep rubbing his arousal against me. I licked my lips before practically tongue diving into his waiting tender lips. His hands came up to run up my back and down my spine in caressing manner. It was taking an immense amount of will power for me to not just rip his clothes off and ride him like he was a wild bull.

That sounds like it'll be fun.

I'd managed to unzip his hooded sweater and ran my palms across the expanse of his chest, those rock hard abs, mmmm ripples, up the sides of his waist, to his nipples, then back down to the area just below his navel. I was about to slide my hand into his pants, just to feel how ready he was. Seph jerked stiffly and I knew he was just barely holding to any form of control he had left.

Oh yes, we were going to spend hours and hours making love over and over again. Until **we** pass out.

"Cloud stop..."

What the fuck did he just say....?

"Stop..." Seph said again. But a little sterner this time.

I pulled back and glared as hard as I could into his eyes. He was panting and gasping but also trying to push me off of him.

"Wait..." He slightly stuttered and sat up. I stayed on his lap though, dead set on having sex at some point.

Seph took a minute to gain control and I made sure I was sitting on his hard on just to keep it that way. Hard. He wasn't going to get out of this.

"I said... we needed to talk..." He breathed and looked up at me. I scoffed.

"Seph... I wanna fuck!" I almost yelled. GOD how I wanted too. To my surprise Seph started to laugh. I forced down on his crotch out of frustration. He hissed.

"Ow..." He breathed and glared at me. I bit my bottom lip and said.

"It's been weeks Seph. Weeks. I'm about to go crazy. Unlike you, I haven't had ANYTHING to keep my sex drive under control. You at least came close to getting laid this whole time... I've been so freaking worried I didn't even jerk off.!"

"Cloud.. ow... it's... okay, could you just get off my lap... That really hurts now..." Seph begged. I threw myself off of his lap and onto the bed and turned my back to him.

He laughed again, while wincing, and fixed his sweater.

"So talk.... god dammit." I snarled and hugged a pillow. Just in case I needed to punch something. I was so horny it wasn't even funny.

So Seph talked, a hell of a whole lot, about things I didn't really want to hear. But things I needed to know. He told me about Riku, how he's been coping. Then he told me about talking to Riku on the way to my place, how they had a revelation of sorts. How Riku helped him come to the conclusion that Leon was out of his mind, but we already knew that right? Seph realized Leon was a shizo, just like me and Sora had. Only, Seph was properly educated on the facts behind such an illness, and plainly stated Leon was really sick in the head.

"It's Seifer."

I raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know that?" I asked, my attention was all his now.

"I knew Seifer. About as well as I knew Squall...., which wasn't that much, but I knew him." Seph said and pursed his lips.

"You read Leon's diary, Cloud. You know how abusive Seifer was.... Leon's taken on his personality. How he attacked Riku, how he attacked Aeris, how he quite possibly attacked that missing boy... It all fits. Those are things Seifer would do. Now, he **_was_** crazy..."

I frowned. And Seph knows all of this.. how..?

"Like I said, I was around Squall and Seifer enough to know a fake relationship. In public, Seifer was the perfect boyfriend. But you could see just how terrified of him Squall was. Every time Seifer went to hold Squall, or talk to him, Squall would flinch away in fear. I never said anything because I was a kid, no body listened to me. And other adults were totally blind to all of those little details... they were all to busy dealing with other unimportant issues... Like social status... and shit..." Seph hissed...

I figured we were treading on a not too happy subject. I decided to cut it short.

"So now that we know, Leon is Seifer, or he thinks he is, we can call the police, tell them where Leon is and all live happily ever after."

"Call the police...?" Seph said softly. He gave me a weary look.

"Seph, oh my god... come on... We finally know what the deal is right? Let's just let the police handle everything now.. Like we should have done from the beginning!"

Seph frowned and looked away from me. "So they can shoot Leon down like a wild dog... So they can mutilate him without ever knowing why he's like this....?"

I recoiled slightly at the ice in Seph's voice. Why was this such a big deal to him.

"Seph... I know you feel sorry for Leon, that you feel bad that you couldn't help him when you were a kid... but you've got to..."

"What? Let it go!?"

That was the first time I ever heard Seph yell. It sent a chill down my spine.

"I'm not saying what Leon is doing is right. Yes, he's wrong for raping Riku, for hurting your friend Aeris, for... kidnapping that boy.. He's wrong for all of it... But Seifer was wrong for what he did too. All he got was a quick stab to the heart, and there, he's off the hook. But Squall, he has to live with the memories, the pain.. for the rest of his life. Seifer never apologized for what he did. Not even with his last breath! He cursed Squall for the rest of his life.."

I watched Seph pace around the room. He looked so furious that I was too afraid to go near him. What was this outburst all about.

"Seifer, that bastard had the audacity to look Squall in the face and say he loved him. He could hit Squall, rape him over and over and over again... but never even once did he apologize for all of the shit he did. Son of a bitch was so hell bent on making Squall's life miserable that he willed himself to LIVE through getting impaled...."

I sat up then, eyes wide and utterly shocked. Wait... did he mean...

"You mean... Seifer's still alive...?"

Seph stopped pacing and looked at me. His sea foam eyes were burning with... madness. This was the Seph I was always afraid to meet. The Seph of the past. That's why I never tell people about my past... I can't even remember much of it now...

"Alive? Oh no. He's good and dead. Which is far better then he deserves."

I sighed. I don't know why I was relieved to hear that.

"I made sure he was dead. I made sure he'd never hurt Squall again...."

My head snapped up to look at Seph again. That vengeful aura that had surrounded him just a moment ago had disappeared. He was back to himself again. But... had I heard him right...?

"W... what are you saying...."

Seph came to sit next to me on the bed. I had to resist the urge to move away from him. I was just... a little scared of him right now.

"I told you.. I was the one that called the police, right?" Seph asked me. I nodded.

"I saw the whole thing... I waited for Seifer to get home... this was a few hours after I'd tried to keep Squall for going home that night. I was worried, so I followed him home... just in case something happened. I was about to leave when Seifer showed up, drunk off his ass and falling over. I watched through the window. I could hear and see everything...."

Seph squeezed his eyes shut. I gaped in pure fear of this recollection. No. Fucking. Way.

"Squall begged and pleaded for Seifer to stop hurting him. I tried to call the police, I tried to tell them what was happening. Those fuckers HUNG up on me! What was I supposed to do, run in there and try and fight Seifer myself. I was scared as hell too! The way Seifer was hitting Squall... so much force.. he would have killed me if he'd hit me like that..."

I suddenly felt like crying. Oh my god.. Seph... Squall... oh my god...

"I cried... every time I heard Squall scream in pain... If I couldn't do anything more... I'd cry for him... and pray that Seifer didn't kill him... over something so stupid..."

I gasped, trying not to let my emotions overflow. Is this the first time Seph ever told anyone this? And was just a baby when he saw something so terrible happen...

"It went on for hours Cloud... By the time it went silent.. it was morning... I thought... Squall was dead.... I couldn't hear anything anymore. I snuck around to the back of the house and tried to peek in. At first I didn't see anything... And then Squall slammed into the back door, breaking out the glass. I was so shocked that I just stood there..."

Seph stood up again and this time he started to act out what he was remembering.

"It was so surreal. I'd been waiting for it for so long... like I was the one Seifer had been abusing. Watching that sword come down, it twirled 6 times before it descended. Just imagine... a pound of raw meat hitting the ground from 3 stories up... yeah, it sounded like that. I heard bone break.... And I was so happy...."

This was really freaking me out....

"And then Squall grabbed the hilt of the sword and impaled it further into Seifer's spleen. And he smiled. God, seeing him smile.. was like a breath of fresh air... And then it was gone... replaced by fear... Squall realized what he did and he ran away... right past me..."

I suddenly felt like I had to puke.... I have a bad feeling about what Seph's going to say next.

"He wasn't dead Cloud.... The cut was so clean... It only broke his rib cage... I know... I did research... Hahahaha.."

Is he laughing...? Oh dear god...

"I sat there and waited for him to die Cloud. He was twitching and gasping, trying to cling desperately to life. He'd coughed up blood and was bleeding so heavily that he probably would have died in a few more minutes anyway... But he was taking to long to just croak. I went and kneeled next to him and started to cover his mouth and nose, to suffocate him..."

I couldn't hold back my gasp this time.

"But he turned and looked at me. I saw my reflection in his eyes. I got so scared that I jumped away.... He was starting to sit up. I couldn't believe it. How the hell was he still alive?..."

I'm speechless right now.

"_Little cock sucking bastard_"... That's what he called me.... "_You think you can kill me! Squall thinks he can get rid of me...?_" He was pulling that damned sword out of his chest, coughing up blood the whole time. But he was still coming. "_Squall will never get rid of me! He's mine god dammit. **MINE**!_"...."

Seph turned around and looked at me.

"That was the first time I ever killed anyone."

I closed my eyes.

"Before Seifer could stand, I lunged forward and wrenched that blade out of him. I didn't even think, I just struck, lifting that sword with both hands, and all of the might my 14 year old body could muster I swung! I closed my eyes before the blade hit Seifer's body.... but I heard the thud... and felt it roll into my leg...."

gag

"When I opened my eyes.... his eyes were looking up at me... wide and surprised. Still I could see my reflection in them.... I wouldn't let him curse Squall, if he wanted someone to haunt, he could haunt me. I was in shock really.... I cleaned up the blood, amazingly none of it splashed on me... and wiped the hilt of the blade, to remove my finger prints as well as Squalls, with alcohol and left. I waited 2 days before I called the police to report I'd 'discovered' Seifer's body. I was the kid playing with his ball outside their yard.. I knew full well Squall was long gone."

I was still speechless. I just blinked several times and shook my head. So... well... man... what to say.

"I killed Seifer. Had it not been for me... He might have lived. But I can guarantee.. if he'd lived, Squall wouldn't be alive today."

And Seph was right. To my utter disbelief.

"Still wanna have sex?" Seph said, a bit of humor in his tone. He was trying to appease my unease. I shook my head slowly. Uh.. no.. at least not right now...

"So what now?" I asked softly... I was worried about the answer.

"Leon's a schizophrenic. He's got Seifer's personality. Hell... sounds more like he's possessed by Seifer. But you know me; I'm not one to believe in supernatural hokum."

I gave a stiff laugh, trying to calm myself.

"But now that I've put everything together it all makes sense now. Leon, or rather Seifer, isn't after Riku... well he is.. but Riku's not his real target."

I perked up and frowned.

"It's Sora then?" It has to be... Who else is there?

Seph nodded and then looked up at me, and I saw my reflection in his eyes. I gasped.

Oh.

My.

God.

"It's me." Seph said.

It was him.

****

------------------

Author's notes:

------------------

I. Am. SOOO sorry for the this super long wait. I've been so busy with school, art projects and other time taking things that IC just kept getting pushed aside. I thought about it all the time though. In my head, I have the rest of the story mapped out, it's the explaining it that's the hard part. I've got so much more I wanna tell. This story has... I don't know, turned into an epic novel of sorts. But I haven't forgotten about it and for damn sure will not let it die. So how was it? Surprised? I know you guys are about ready to kill me for not letting Seph and Cloud get their freak on. But all in due time. Really it's coming! So, as Riku and Sora's rocky relationship comes to a heart stopping end, how is everyone feeling? I'm looking forward to LONG reviews bashing me about being an evil cold hearted bitch who better put Sora and Riku back together ASAP. :P Revelation, after revelation. When will it all end?

points her make believe Gunblade

"BANG"

(hint, hint, wink, wink)

You'll see.

-Tata


	19. Chapter 19

--None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

Bang!

--------

Chapter 19

------

Let the bodies hit the floor....

------

Leon

------

Hmm, if I were Riku... Where would I be?

He left with Cloud and Sora that day.... To go to Cloud's place no doubt. But where the hell does Cloud live. I can't believe I slept with him all those times and never once did it at his place..... Hmmm...

This is going to be difficult. But at least I don't have the police to worry about...

Damn.. I want a cigarette...

Maybe I should quite smoking.... I don't like being all fidgety every time I'm low on nicotine. Yeah.. I think I'll quite...

A lot of changes are about to be made... Within myself. Good changes... For Sora. So I can be with him.... I know I've done some awful things... Hopefully he'll find it in his heart to forgive me...

Back to the task at hand. I know for sure that Cloud doesn't live anywhere close by. So he has to drive... or take the train to get to his place. Come to think of it.... Sora used to take the train all the time to go see Cloud. So that means I've been looking in the wrong places. Time to go Downtown.

It's strange. How easily I can blend in amidst the rest of the Traverse Town populace. I'm a wanted man... supposedly. Everyone should have torches and pitch forks armed so they can drag me down. That's not the case however. Even though I'm wearing a hood, covering my eyes, and no body really knows what I'm wearing, people don't seem to notice me. I'm not trying to draw attention to myself or anything. But I'm not trying to be sneaky either.

It could also be that, people around here just don't give a damn. They're all fugitives or criminals in their own right. If they call the police on me.. they call the police on themselves.

I bet if a reward was put up for me though... someone would notice me.

Over head a flurry of snow was starting to fall. The air instantly got cold and I pulled my bomber jacket tighter around me. My Gunblade was a nice reassuring weight at my side and it would thud dully against my hip with each step I took. To many onlookers it looked like a musical instrument of sorts warped in cloth. I'm not stupid enough to walk around with a 3 foot razor sharp blade out in the open.

When was the last time I went to the train station....? Hell the first time I ever rode the train was coming into this Hellish place... I've never ridden it since. To go anywhere really. Everything I needed was right nearby. Walking distance from my quaint and slightly cozy little hovel of a home. Now that I think about it.... why the hell did I ever come here?

To this place?

To Traverse Town....

Mostly because I had nowhere else to go. I was a wanted man back then too... But anyway... after I settle things once and for all and get Sora back... We're going to leave this place. I'd say we'd move downtown, where the streets are paved with gold and every one has a white picket fence outside their front yard.... but... I'm not sure I even want to stay there.... I just want to get AWAY from this PLACE period.

Speaking of getting away... I need to check my bank account...

Even though... I'm kind of scared to go up to an ATM right now... those things have video cameras hooked up in them....

Lets see... the last time I withdrew any funds was... to... I think go grocery shopping.... Yes... Sora went that day... that was.... about 300 I took out.... so that'll leave me with.... 10 gran...

__

"This is Nancy Andrews reporting live from Uptown Traverse....."

At the sound of that familiar TV voice I lost my train of thought and turned to my left. I was standing in front of a dinky, yet quite popular, bar. The front door was open wide and I could hear the television blaring loudly. There must be some kind of Blitz Ball game on tonight.... Men and women, drunk off their asses, were booing at the news for interrupting their game. I walked up to the door and leaned in to listen. Heat from the interior was mixing with the frosty air outside, making a thick frothy steam just inside the door way. Hopefully no one would notice me.

"Aww, not this shit again." One of the men inside barked up at the TV in frustration. A pretty blonde girl was sitting on his lap and she frowned down at him.

"Shut it! This is important, don't you know that guy kidnapped a little boy?" She hissed and I could see her full attention on the TV. A few more people were eagerly focused on the small screen, eyes unblinking. I squinted slightly, to see the blurry noise ridden screen. The bartender cursed and promptly struck the side of the TV with his huge fist. The picture cleared up instantly.

"Do you think they finally caught him?" Someone whispered. I scoffed silently. If only they knew who was standing just behind their backs. Hahaha....

__

"The man hunt is still on for the notorious Squall LeonHeart AKA Leon."

I'm notorious...? Oh yeah... I did kind torch the 3d district huh....

__

"As of this moment authorities are still in the dark on this ruthless criminals whereabouts. He was last seen trespassing on 25 year old Aeris Gainsboroughs' property, where he attempted to physically assault and rape the young women."

I did **NOT **try to rape her! Christ!

__

"Following those terrifying events LeonHeart allegedly sat fire to his home in District 3 as well as destroyed nearly a third of the bustling community."

Did she just say bustling...? sigh

__

"And as recently announced 19 year old Tim Jennings has been claimed missing. It's been 5 days now and still no word of his whereabouts. There has been no ransom claiming Leon indeed has young Tim and at first the police weren't going to file a missing report.... and.... Oh what's this.... we have some new information folks.... I've just received word that an anonymous call has led police to believe LeonHeart is hiding away in the old abandoned Inn in district 2!"

I smiled just slightly.

Here we go.

A wave of gasps and 'no ways' rang across the overly packed bar. People starting chatting amongst themselves about the newest revelation. They were barely paying attention to the news now. I kept listening though.

__

"As of this moment the Traverse SWAT Team is preparing a full infiltration of the tattered complex."

As if on cue the sound of tires screeching to a halt, many footsteps, and the ominous clicking of many guns filled the air. I looked to my left again, this time to the gate separating District 1 and 2. I was currently in District 1. I could see the helicopters and search lights starting to illuminate the sky.

They were... really going all out...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is so fucking funny. I'm not even in there!

But... this is further evidence that they weren't fucking around anymore... Hmm...

I backed away from the bar door as a pile of people started to speed out to see what the commotion was all about. Some of their faces were filled with awe, while others looked scared out of there minds.

"Are they gonna.... shoot up the place..." Someone asked. I noticed quite anxiously that the crowd of people was starting to get bigger. People were swarming out of their homes and stores to see what was going on.

Opp... time for me to make my graceful exit.

"What if some stray bullets come this way?..."

"Don't get too close..."

"It's looks like they're about to start a war over there... damn... This guys got himself into some serious shit..."

Ha.. maybe I have... Stupid cops. I find it interesting how they suddenly want to take me out... for a crime.. I can't even freaking remember committing. But when I called on them for help.. when I was in danger... did they come to my aid....?

Hell no.

"It's been awhile since this much ruckus has gone down in this city..."

I tilted my head to the side and noted the rather thick bodied old bartender was standing in the door way. His glassy eyes reflected the search lights. He didn't look slightly interested or amused by the movie quality spectacle taking place barely a mile away.

"Considering the reputation this place has.. You'd think peopled be used to stuff like this..." The old man pulled out a shot glass from his apron and absently started to shine it. "Most people.. just wanna live in peace when they come here though. This place..." He held up the shot glass, examined it, then went back to glossing it over. "...it's for the lost really... People come to this city.. In hopes of salvaging what little bit of their existence they have left."

It was starting to snow harder now.

The old man went on. I was compelled to keep listening to him for some reason.... despite my better judgment to haul ass before someone recognized me.

"The prostitutes.." He inclined his head towards the blonde girl from earlier.

"The drunken blue collar worker...." He inclined his head again towards a frail balding man with glasses who's eyes were glossed over in a haze of drunken ecstasy. He watched the light show with a absent smile.

The old bartender turned his head to me and for the first time I think he realized he was _actually_ talking to someone. I regarded him wearily.

"People like you." He said with a slight matter of fact tone. He held the shot glass out in front of him and I know he was capturing my figure through the glass.

"It just takes time... but eventually... people find their way. You will too."

I gaped beside myself... Did he.. know who I was...?

"What bugs me though... is no body really knows why this guy went off the deep end."

The old man went back to shining his glass. My feet just **wouldn't** move.

"I mean, people just don't go postal without a reason. Even if it's stupid to the rest of us..." He blew a frosty bit of air onto the glass before taking a cloth to it again.

"I already know how this is gonna end. No questions... just shoot. Weather he's **armed and dangerous** or not... I've seen it happen many a times... I feel for those fools..."

I frowned. I'm NO fool.

"I'm not a religious man.... but I'll pray for this guy regardless... Pray that he... gets to say his piece, make amends.... at least before they shoot him down..."

The man looked at me again. I took a step back.

"So... you made amends yet?"

No way....

I couldn't respond.. just stand there, eyes wide.

"You must have done something bad in the past to be here in this hell hole town. So you asked for forgiveness yet?"

I shook my head.

"Shame... well, you still got time. Do it now while you still can...."

The man turned his back on me.

"You used come by here a lot. You've got a face I could never forget. Those eyes of yours. They... reflect many hardships..."

One of his big hairy arms went up to lean on the door frame.

"You used to sit here in that dark corner of the bar and drink yourself into oblivion... You'd be so far gone you couldn't even remember your name... But you'd get up, and walk home on your own... I used to wonder if you made it... Somebody like you, I gotta admit, don't look very tough... But looks can be deceiving right? You proved me wrong a dozen times... cause you'd be back the next day to do it all over again. I used to think, that's **_one bad son-of-a-bitch_** right there, and I used to wonder.. what the hell made you this way... what made you keep going."

He lowered his arm.

"I still don't know.. and if the cops catch you, no one **ever** will. So while you've still got the chance kid... make amends... and get the hell outta here."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I bounced the hell out of there at top speed, kicking up snow as I went. A guy I only knew as... 'the Bartender' of that **one** bar... just let me get away... knowing full well I've fucked up somehow....

This place is... most definitely strange....

Something told me I should be worried. Someone saw me.. hell even talked to me... He might call the police on me... He might be aiming his sawed off shot gun at the back of my head right now... I didn't look back though. And ran all the way to the train station.

------

Cloud

------

So much has happened. Just... 2 months ago my life was... normal. And now it's... upside down...

The sun peeked in through the blinds and I squinted at the overly bright UV rays.

Here I lay, with the one person I love more then I love myself.

Sephiroth...

He's done so much without asking for anything in return. He got involved.... because he wanted to. For a long time, since I found out about all of this drama with Riku and Sora... I never would have thought the term 'small world' could relate to me. How wrong I was. All of this time I tried to keep Seph from getting involved, only to find out, he was there when it all **began**.

I mean back from the VERY start he was there.

Seph, as a child, killed Seifer. Leon's abusive, drug addicted boyfriend.

Seph killed him.

Seph was a little boy.

Now... Leon's... '_possessed_' by Seifer and wants to kill Riku....

At first I didn't understand. What's Riku got to do with this now... If Seph is the one that really killed Seifer.

Here I go... try and keep up with me okay.

Seifer loved Squall to the point that he'd kill him if Squall ever tried to break up with him. Squall did try to leave him after one totally horrible abusive episode. By freak accident, Seifer was impaled during an argument they had. Squall supposedly finished him off by running him through deeper with the blade. It was self defense by all rights and purposes. Seifer didn't die. 14 year old Sephiroth just happened to be an eye witness of this scene after he'd tried to get help for Squall by calling the police. Squall fled once he'd realized what he'd done. Sephiroth stayed behind to make sure Seifer was really dead. Another freak moment led Sephiroth to decapitate Seifer, finally bringing an end to his ruthless rampage.

All of this time Leon believed he'd murdered Seifer... When it was in truth Sephiroth who'd taken the bastard out.

Onto what's happening now. Leon in in love with Sora. Sora's a little 16 year old boy who... in all honesty could be Leon's younger brother.... So he could be a young Squall. Okay, then there's Riku. Riku could easily pass as Sephiroth's son, brother, or a version of him when he was 17. Yeah.... Now here's the tricky part.

Leon/Squall is a schizophrenic. He's got multiple personalities.

One being his own, as in Leon/Squall.

The other being Seifer, as in his abusive mentally challenged late boyfriend.

Still with me..? Okay.

****

Sephiroth killed **Seifer** right? When he was 14.

****

Riku could be a **MIRROR** image of **Sephiroth** when he was around that age.

****

Seifer has a grudge against _young_ **Sephiroth** for killing him and helping **Squall** escape.

****

Sora looks like **Squall/Leon**, who has an infatuation with **Sora**, who also happens to have **Seifers** personality. Remember **Seifer** was madly in love _with_ **Squall**.

Still with me right? Okay.

So, and I came to this conclusion after hours and hours of thought and contemplation;,

****

Leon/Seifer isn't after **Riku** **because** he's trying to take **Sora** away. **Leon/Seifer **is after **Riku** _because _he _thinks _**Riku** is _YOUNG_ **Sephiroth**, who killed him almost 12 years ago.

Whew. Did you get all of that?

I looked absently up at the ceiling waiting for Aeris and Cid to reply over the phone. They were silent for a **LONG** time.

"So.. let me get this creepy ass shit straight.... Leon's after Riku because he **really** thinks he's Sephiroth?"

"Yes." I nodded absently, happy I'd explained things so clearly.

"And... he wants to kill Riku.. to get back at Sephiroth for killing him...?"

Aeris said this time. I responded happily again.

"Something ain't right...." Cid said softly. My face went slack.

Huh?

"I get the whole bit about Seifer wanting to kill Sephiroth.. but how does he get Riku confused for him... I know those two look alike and all but...."

"It's because Seifer wouldn't know what I look like now."

I turned and looked at Seph, who was half awake, with wide eyes. Had he been listening in the whole time?

"I'm telling Cid and Aeris the whole story now." I mentioned. Seph groaned and snuggled closer to me. I took his words into account.

"Seifer only remembers what Seph looked like as a kid. He wouldn't know what he looks like now..." I told Aeris and Cid. Cid made a sound of comprehension.

"Yeah... and I bet the crazy fuck hasn't seen old' Sephy boy since you've been with him." Cid let out a boisterous laugh. "Cloud, do you know what this means!? Fuck, we've got an advantage."

I sat up in the bed and looked across the room. Listening as hard as I could. Aeris was agreeing with Cid.

"Listen, if Leon... er.. Seifer.. or whoever the fuck he is doesn't really know what Sephiroth looks like, we can lure him out using that as our bait."

Uh oh.. this doesn't sound good.

"Here me out, Cloud. That boyfriend o' yours. That's a BAD mother fucker laying next to you. You ever seen him fight? He may not look it, but I heard rumors back WAY before you started knocken' boots with him 'bout some crazy summoning type of shit he did back at the Olympus Coliseum. He was blowing all sorts of SHIT up! No body could take him down!"

Cid's vocabulary is so... flamboyant.

"And.. how will that help us find Leon." I asked, barely containing a laugh. This was supposed to be serious.

Cid scoffed.

"Who said anything about finding him? That's for you and Angel boy to figure out. I was just talk'en 'bout once we catch his skinny ass Seph can beat the flying fuck out of him. Bet'cha he won't be able to run away anymore."

Hahahahaha. I couldn't help but laugh that time....

Did he just call Seph Angel boy?

Aeris was laughing wearily in the background.

"Oh.. Cloud.. how are Sora and Riku doing. I haven't heard from them in a long time."

I don't think she'd really want to talk to Sora with the way he's been acting. And I'm not even sure about Riku. He seemed to be okay.... but....

"There.. alright.. they just want all of this mess to be over."

"Yeah, I don't fucking blame them. Poor little brats.... Little annoying asses have been through a lot..." Cid said.

Wow... that's the nicest thing I've ever heard come from his mouth. Usually he can't stand Sora and Riku.

"So you already called the police."

I paused.

"About that..." I started. It was true. I'd called the police and started to make the report. Strangely though.. as I told the story.. the police women cut me off saying a report similar to mine had already been made. No name was given of who made the report though. But the caller mentioned Leon raping 2 boys. Was it Sora or Riku who called in first?

"So the police know huh..?" Cid asked. I didn't know how to answer that. Yes, they knew two boys had been raped, but not **what** two boys or their names.

This was weird.

"Did you guys see the latest news report?" Aeris suddenly said. And I heard the familiar jingle of the news starting up in the background. It was silent for a time. Then I heard the echo of the news from Cid's end of the line.

"Cloud turn on your TV quick!" Aeris gasped.

I found the remote amidst the blanket and sheets and turned the TV on. MTV blared at me for a moment with the song "Let the bodies hit the floor" and I rapidly hit the volume button. Why the hell was that old music video running? I dismissed it and turned to channel 5. There on the screen was a big bright "NEWS UPDATE" logo in red. I flipped the channel to find the same thing. And again on the next channel.

Whoa.. what the hell was going on...?

"Mmm.. what is it...?" Seph groaned and went to rest his head in my lap so he wouldn't have to sit up to see the TV. I stared blankly at the screen waiting for the news reel to start up. It was just lots of blurry footage from a camera trying to get positioned at first.

"They need to fire him.." Seph said absently and yawned. I gave a quick stiff laugh at his comment.

__

"We seem to be having a bit of technical trouble ladies and gentlemen. Please bear with us."

A male reporter was speaking but was no where in sight. The screen split then into two frames. one showing the speaking man outside. Snow was being kicked up and flurrying all around him.

__

"For those of you just joining us, last night an anonymous tip was called in at the local police station giving them the exact location of fugitive Squall LeonHeart. He was said to be hiding out in the old abandoned Inn in District 2"

I gasped. Seph sat up.

__

"Early this morning a heated stand off was made as police tried to negotiate LeonHeart into coming out of the building. They feared if they tried to force their way into the building they could negatively provoke the man into harming his captive, 19 year old Tim Jennings."

"Cloud.. do you see this shit!" Cid yelled into the phone. I answered absently.

__

"Behind me the SWAT Team is preparing to barricade the door and infiltrate the building. So far, there's been no word from LeonHeart or his captive. It's now bright enough outside for a full on pursuit."

Behind the reporter where dozens of police cars. The area for what looked like a mile around had been taped off with a police line. Mob control was trying earnestly to keep the gathering people back, I'm assuming in case in case gun shots were traded. A few helicopters were circling the sky and I could see snipers set up in various complexes around the area. The camera was giving quite the dramatic performance.

"Who called this in?" Seph asked... rather calmly actually. I thought he'd start going off the deep end again... like last night. I watched him closely.

"No body knows...." I said carefully. Seph shifted so he wasn't leaning on me anymore and threw the covers off himself.

"This is all wrong..." He murmured. I looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain why he thought that. But the TV took my attention again.

The camera that had been malfunctioning was working now. A full screen of the interior of the shoddy old Inn could now be seen. The place looked like road kill run over 6 times inside. And man.. those rats were fucking huge. If Leon had been camping out in there... he really was crazy. Those rats where bigger then full grown cats....

"Look at this place..." One of the masked SWAT team members said off handedly, mindless of the camera following him. The camera swerved around to show the broken down interior of a few rooms the troops passed by. Some of them would go in rooms and come out in seconds then motion for the rest to continue on.

Seph, I noted was studying the TV very hard. But not really what was going on. He seemed to be watching the troops.

"They're so poorly trained..." He whispered. I raised an eyebrow to that. Like he could do better... Wait.... could he? Now that I think about it.... I don't really know much about....

That's a whole other topic altogether. makes note to mention that later

The team was now searching the second floor room by room. I've got to admit the suspense was killing me. If Leon was indeed in one of those rooms, they were going to find him in a matter of seconds. But so far.. the only thing that looked like it had been in this place for... hella years..... was rats... No sign of Leon or any living person for that matter at all.

"Cloud?" Aeris said softly.

"Yeah...?"

"They won't... start shooting will they? As soon as they reach the last room I mean..."

I shook my head. "I hope not..." If they do... and Leon and that kid are in there....

"He's not there." Seph said softly, standing up. I noted vaguely that he was stripping out of his boxers and headed towards the bathroom. I wanted to follow him. But this was no time for quickies. What did Seph mean Leon wasn't there...?

"He called that in himself." Seph finished and went into the bathroom. A few seconds later I heard the shower start up. I leapt out of bed. Ignoring the news. They'd broken into the last room and from what I'd seen, someone had indeed been there. But whoever it was, was gone now.

"Seph.. uh.. what do you mean he called it in himself...?" My attention went from the bathroom to the TV and back again.

Over the spray of water I heard Seph say;

"Leon made that anonymous call. To throw off the authorities... Aeris said she hadn't called in. You didn't call in either until just this morning. And I had a lock on my phone to keep Riku from calling out while he was over my place... And I doubt Sora called in... isn't he trying to help Leon get away? And you know for damn sure I didn't do it. So there you go. It's a strategy that gets used a lot actually. What better way to confuse the police then by.. literally turning yourself in. Only to escape out the back door while they are busy."

The back door...?

As in.. literally the back **door** out of the **Inn**... or...

I glanced back to the TV and froze. The new images on screen were positively disturbing.

Mostly because they could mean _anything_.

This room looked a little better then the others, but not by much. All of the trash and broken plaster had been moved aside to make a clean area near the bed. The door had been boarded off enough to let someone get out, but also barricaded to keep someone else from getting in. Plastic water bottles were stacked quite neatly in front of the bed on top of a semi clean blanket. It looked recently slept on. Beef jerky packages were piled near a battery powered heater that was off right now.

And then there was the bed.

At first glance it just looked dirty. But as it was inspected, those stains turned out to be dried blood stains. And there were other things mixed into the blood. A used condom was found tossed on the floor as well as some ripped cloth. Further inspection of the room led to the discovery of an empty medicine bottle. A few dead rats could be seen near the bottle, chalky white foam bubbling at their mouths. Whatever was in that bottle had not been for rats to eat.

The bottle had Leon's name on it. It was medicine he'd bought at the pharmacy.... The pharmacy in the same convenient store that Tim boy worked in.

Oh my god...

But still no sign of Leon or Tim...

The shower had been shut off. Seph came up behind me, a towel around his waist and glanced at the TV.

"I told you he wasn't there."

"Fucking shit!" Cid yelled. I remembered then I was still on the phone. Aeris just gasped and tried to repress a sob. She was so hoping Tim was safe now... No such luck...

"What the hell happened here... I thought they said... No way he could have fucking moved that fast....?" Cid barked. I pulled the phone away from my ear at his outburst.

Seph dried himself and got dressed and I found myself absently thinking of how many ways we could have made love just now.... damnit... I pushed those nice thoughts aside and went to stand by the window. From my apartment room I could see all the way across the city. District 2 wasn't that far away if you just looked outside. I could see helicopters pulling out from the scene and police cars making there way back to their respective precincts. So much for that...

Seph came to stand next to me, dressed, and seemingly ready to go somewhere.

"We don't have any more time. Leon's here now, he's downtown. And he's coming for Riku..."

I stared at Seph for a second.

"No.. he's coming after **you**... He just _thinks_ **Riku** is **you**!" I corrected.

"Exactly." Seph said with a smile. I frowned.

"Cloud, tell Aeris and Cid to meet us at the Down Town plaza at 7 pm sharp okay."

Seph walked away and headed for the door. I noticed he shut the TV off as he passed by it. Why did he want to meet Aeris and Cid... at 7....?

"Guys..." I started. And told them Seph's meeting time. I didn't really know what he had planned. But I trusted him, and would stand behind him. Aeris and Cid agreed to meet us. And that was that for now. Once I got off of the phone I took a quick shower, dressed and followed Seph outside to the kitchen. Sora was laying across the couch... looking for all accounts... dead to the world. I nudged his leg and he looked up at me abruptly. His eyes were puffy and red. He'd been crying...

I have to admit... I didn't hear a damn thing that went on out here last night... Something bad happened it seemed. I looked around for Riku and noticed he was no where in sight.

Panic instantly shot through my heart.

Not again...

"Sora where's Riku!?" I yelled and snatched him off of the couch by the front of his shirt. Sora gave me a blank look and didn't answer.

"Did he leave again?!" I asked desperately. NO FUCKING WAY!!

"Answer me!" I dropped Sora onto the couch and went to the front door. Seph was already standing there, looking down into the hallway. I walked up behind him and felt relief wash over me. There was Riku curled up on the carpet fast asleep. But... why in the hallway?

"I'll get him." Seph said softly and went out to pick Riku up and carry him back inside. The boy latched onto Seph like a leech but didn't wake up.

I have to admit.. I was a little jealous at how close they had gotten. But there was no time for that now. We had a lot to talk about.

------

Sephiroth

------

If all goes well. This whole ordeal will be over by the end of the night.

It was 3 hours away from 7 o'clock. I'd spent all day explaining EVERYTHING to Sora and Riku. But I had to do it separately. First I spoke to Riku . He seemed okay with what was going on... but Sora.. was like a lifeless doll the entire time. He didn't speak... he barely moved. I had to keep nudging him to make sure he was listening....

What the hell happened between those two last night... is beyond me... But I have a feeling Riku finally spoke his mind.. and Sora couldn't handle it.

"Sora." I snapped and he eyed me with a weary glare. "Pay attention. This isn't a joke, understand. There's a strong possibility that Leon could want to kill you too." I saw Riku give me a confused look.

"If Leon's in his Seifer personality, then he's not just angry with me, or rather Riku, he's angry with you too Sora... or rather Squall. Understand that?"

Riku and Cloud got it. They shook their heads. Sora just stared at me. Unblinking.

"Now that you know the truth Sora, are you still hell bent on helping Leon escape?"

Still no reply. This kid... was really pissing me off.

"Hey Cloud, Riku. Could the two of you excuse us for a few minutes?" Riku didn't hesitate and got up to leave the room, not saying a word. Cloud stood and walked over to me.

"Go easy on him okay." He said softly and kissed me on the cheek. I smirked, rather evilly, and closed and locked the door behind him. Then I turned to Sora.

"You've got some real issues you know that." Screw this polite nice guy bullshit. I've had it with this kid.

Sora looked at me like he couldn't care less what I had to say. That was fine with me.

"So tell me, what exactly were you planning to do when you found Leon? Hmm? Take him into your arms and make all the pain go away. Forgive him again and again so he can think what he did was right, that it was okay to lash out at innocent people."

I spoke softly, slowly and calmly. I wasn't mad. But my temper was damn short right now.

"Sora, you read Leon's diary right? You know how much he suffered right?"

Sora continued to stare at me. I walked up to him and sat down.

"I was **there** Sora. It's all fine and good that you think you know how much he went through... But I saw it kid. Let me tell you this, I tried to get him help **over** a dozen times and he turned it down. Leon chose to stay with Seifer and let the abuse continue. I know this for a fact. So get this delusional fantasy that we're all going to live _happily_ **ever after **out of your head. It's too late for Leon. It was a long time ago."

Sora gave me a rebellious stare and I sighed.

"Sora, Leon, the Leon you know, doesn't really exist. He's just a make believe recreation of a nicer, gentler Seifer. Being in a abusive relationship makes people bitter.. it makes them cold and extremely untrustworthy. As much as you claim you love Leon.. it's not being returned. He loves you solely on the thought that he believes you ARE Squall. Think of Leon as a combination mix of Seifer and Squall. That's who you fell in love with. Leons' so confused right now that he doesn't know weather to kill you or kiss you."

Sora squinted. He was listening now.

"I killed Seifer 12 years ago. **Not** Squall. It's not Riku, Leon is after. It's me. And then he's going to kill you. Think of it this way." I sat down in front of Sora again and tried to explain things to him like he was 3 years old.

"_Sora_, **you** are Squall. **Riku** is _me_, **Sephiroth**. **Leon** is **Seifer.**"

And realization finally made it's way across his face. I smiled.

"...You mean... Leon never... He **never** loved... **me**....?"

I shook my head. "And that whole thing about you loving Squall...Yeah Cloud told me that... It's bullshit. You _never_ **knew** **_Squall_** to love him in the first place."

Now the kid gets it. This was going to be so much easier now.

"....So Seifer, whose Leon... hates me.. because... he thinks I'm Squall... And he wants to kill Squall...?"

"Yes." I folded my arms.

"And he hates.. Riku... because he thinks he's you... so he wants to kill him too... for **you** killing **him**...?"

"As creepy and confusing as that sounds, yes."

At last he understands.

"...Leon's... here...?"

I made a grim face.

"Yes..." I said softly.

Sora's blue eyes got extremely wide and he stood up slowly. It was like... being baptized...

He saw the light.

Finally.

"Oh.. shit..."

I nodded.

"Yup."

------

Cloud

------

At roughly 6:59 we met up with Aeris and Cid. It just so happens a parade was going on that night. So there were lots of people out. Perfect for us to blend in. We went around and absently enjoyed some of the festivities. A welcome change from the overly dramatic days that have passed. I was really enjoying myself and almost forgot entirely why we'd come out here to begin with.

The various lights from the parade lit up the sky and snow that littered the ground. It was like walking across a crystalline rainbow. People from all over Traverse had come out tonight, in spite of the dark events just recently taking place, to enjoy some simple pleasures.

Seph bought Riku and Sora pretty much anything they asked for. Cotton candy, licorice, gummy bears, we made a joke about gummy Sephy's needing to be made, every kind of fizzy drink we could find, and way to many corn dogs.

Riku was acting a little out of character, but for the most part, better then how I'd seen him acting in the few days before he'd run away. He wasn't talking much, but he was smiling somewhat. He'd almost seemed to change overnight. Which leads me to believe something really.. bad happened between him and Sora last night... Riku wasn't even looking in Sora's direction... And I know for a fact just how obsessed that kid is with Sora.. something was really strange...

Sora... What to say about him? He ate his cotton candy and ice cream in silence. The kids usually a chatter box, asking ga-jillions of questions a second with only one breath. But not tonight. It wasn't as bad as when he was held up in my apartment... He wouldn't even move sometimes... But it was still weird....Well.. all I can do is hope things get worked out between those two.. I won't interfere in **their** relationship.

Seph saw me being all contemplative and scooped some ice cream onto the tip of his finger and dabbed it on my nose. I blinked. Aeris and Cid chuckled. Riku rolled his eyes. Sora wasn't paying attention.

"You're supposed to be having fun." Seph said softly and ran his tongue.. very seductively across his ice cream. I felt my loins stir. A blush burst across my face and I had to turn away.

"Oh geez." Cid said. I could hear a gag on the tip of his tongue. Aeris and Riku just laughed. "You two ain't gonna fuck right here in front of everyone are ya?" Cid hissed playfully. Aeris yelped in a girly manner at Cid's vulgar words and repressed a giggle. Riku, who'd been drinking a slushy, spit it all over the place.

"Want to watch?" Seph said huskily at Cid and pulled me into a very slippery, strawberry flavored tongue kiss.

IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! OO

Did somebody just whistle? BLUSH

Aeris was hiding her face for some odd reason. Cid was bark laughing at the whole scene. And I think.. Riku's gawking at us. I couldn't hide my laughter after that. Ah.. this felt good. Just enjoying stupid things like this with people I cared about. This whole moment would be utterly perfect if Yuffie had been here. I have a strange feeling she'd have a digital camera with her though....

We went to the games section of the parade and Seph asked me if I wanted this blue teddy bear with a white heart on it's belly. I asked how much more feminine could I get by asking him for it.... then I said **yes** I wanted the bear. **Only** cause he suggested it though. Seph actually won 6 bears. It was one of those knock the bottles over and win a prize type of games. Seph paid for 6 games, then got 6 balls, and knocked over all 6 stacks of all the bottles. In **one** toss. MY BABY is SO COOL!

He let me, Sora, Riku, and Aeris pick out a bear each. He tried to give a pink one to Cid, but Cid didn't want it. Aeris took it instead. Haha.

I had to wipe my eyes of the tears they'd collected from me laughing so hard that night. I was having so much fun right now. The only thing that could ruin this night was... well I won't jinx us....

And so for another 2 hours we enjoyed ourselves. By 9:30 we met up at the Plaza fountains to get down to business.

So here's Seph's plan. He wants to take Riku to the police station and have him make a public announcement to lure Leon to him. Seph assumes because of Leon's current state, he won't try anything really stupid.. Like try and murder Riku on open ground or anything. Plus we'll have snipers and police and bullet proof vests protecting us and everything. We brought along Leon's old Diary and let Cid and Aeris read it in turn. Aeris already knew a few things about Leons' history from that fateful night at her house.

After about an hour of revealing revelations back and forth Seph made a call to the police station. I'm not sure about everything he said.. but he sounded... remarkably like a General while he was talking. Almost like he was giving direct orders to the police. I had no idea Seph was so.... in the **know** of police etiquette.

The night was starting to linger on and everyone, at least I was, starting to get a bit on edge. Well.. minus Seph. He's never on edge...

Even though it was starting to get late, the parade was still going at full force. A marching band playing I believe "Hikari" the orchestral version came through. Seph danced with me for a moment, swinging me around like we were two teenagers frolicking in the springtime. Aeris hummed the music while she and Riku made snow men. Seph said all we could do was wait now. For what.. I'm not sure.

------

Riku

------

This is sooo fun! Man, I haven't done stuff like this since..., since a long time.

Seph and Cloud are so great. I can't believe I ever tried to come between those two. Not intentionally... but I had tried... Watching them kiss, share goodies, dance together, and just enjoy each others company made my heart sting with pain. I remember when Sora and I used to be like that.

When did things.. turn so bad....?

Every relationship has it's ups and downs... It's only natural that they do... But Sora and I just.. went down... and never even attempted to come back up... What was the start of all this...? Something before this whole Leon mess...

I always thoughts Sora and I were perfect for each other....

Was I wrong to think that way....?

Looking beyond everything that's happened in the last 2 years.. hell almost 3 years ago come next month..... If I'd never suggested leaving the Island... If I'd never gotten so jealous.. Would things be different now...? Would things be better...?

How could they be? I was miserable on that floating rock called a home. Unlike Sora, I don't have anything wonderful, like great parents, to go back too. My mother probably wouldn't even remember me now.... She's probably had another kid.

The only part about that, that makes me sad is that my mom couldn't just.. accept me for who I was... I was a good kid.. just not what she expected me to be... sigh Anyway, I've got to forget about her... I doubt I'll ever go back home... I probably can't even if I wanted too. But what about Sora... Deep inside.. I think he wants to go home... Unlike me, Sora has people waiting for him... People that care and love him so much... what am I compared to dozens of people? He can argue that they only liked him... to get close to me if he wants.. but it was the other way around...

I used to envy Sora.. and his wonderful life.

But for him to wish so much harm on me.... Christ... I don't know what... No.. Stop Riku... Stop blaming yourself... True you screwed up.. But so does everybody else. It's not like I haven't learned from my mistakes. I've learned a hell of a lot. I know this is just another hurdle in life I have to get over.. and I'm willing to fight to make it across.. It's just hard sometimes... Hard to deal with this alone...

I want Sora by my side. But.. I can't be with someone that.. wishes hurt... pain... even death on me... I just can't be..

I can't believe all of those things Sora said was true.. He was angry, just like I was. We said a bunch of things we didn't mean. Sora's not that kind of person. Sure he's... nice to people that treat him like trash... but he's only that way because he doesn't like chaos. But... what about people that are always nice to Sora? Like me. Like I said I'd do anything for him.

Why can't I be more like Seph? Why can't I just be calm and collected and let things flow?

I was so sure Cloud and Sephiroth were going to be yelling and screaming once Cloud found out what had been going on over at Seph's apartment.. But no such thing happened. And I'm sure Seph told Cloud. Those two love each other enough.... to risk everything.

That's how much I love Sora.

I'd risk everything for him.

I'd die for him.

Looking around I noted absently that he wasn't near by. He'd been watching Aeris and me building our snow man for while. Then he walked away. I looked up and saw him sitting on the fountain staring down into the heated pool of water.

We needed to talk. For real this time. No yelling, no screaming, and no swearing.

I hope he listens. I squared my shoulders and walked over to the fountain. I saw Cid look up from him sitting post, sipping some hot coco, and watch me. Once he noticed I wasn't walking too far away he went back to minding his business.

I told Sora I was going to leave... and probably not come back. I lied. I made a promise to myself. I won't run away again.

Ever.

------

Leon

------

Well isn't this just perfect. Nice night for a party. No one's going to notice me in all of this chaos. I couldn't have asked for better camouflage.

The last thing I'd expected was a huge street crowding parade to be taking place the moment I stepped off of the train. It was like stepping into another country.. let alone another part of town. Hard to believe all of this.. beauty is only a 45 minute train ride away. I've heard great things about Downtown Traverse... but I never would have guessed...

....The streets are really paved with gold... Okay it's yellow brick but still... All this glitter from the parade floats makes it **look** like gold.

I made a bee line for a hot dog stand. The aroma sung to me. And my growling stomach yelled at me. It had been a while since I ate last. The steam from the mini broiler filled the air and I practically floated over to stand in line. It was a short wait and I was cradling my dog like it was a rare artifact.

Haaaaahg, fooood.

Drink in one hand, hot dog in the other I went to find a place to sit and eat. I leaned against a tree instead, opting to stand just in case I need to make a break for it. I went to take a bite but the sound of fire works going off scared the shit out of me and made me jump.

Sounded like... gun shots...

I almost dropped my damn hotdog too... I would have been... so mad...

The fire works kept going off but I ignored them. Noting how much different, if not almost exactly like, how close they sounded to gun shots.

I'd just sunk my teeth into my hotdog and was looking around absently. I froze mid chew....

What... the... fuck...?

I kept chewing and went to hide myself behind the tree I leaned on. I peeked around the trunk while trying not to look too suspicious.

Is that... Is that Cloud?

Speak of the devil.

And Aeris too! Holy shit... There goes Cid...

I tilted my head. A bit confused... Who is this tall guy with them....? I almost thought that was Riku.... He.. kind of looks like Riku...

I squinted and took another bite of my hotdog. It was starting to get cold.

I was.. confused about something now... Who is this guy with Cloud...? I swear I've seen him somewhere before.... Not recently though... God he looks so fucking much like Riku... Maybe that is.. Riku... But that kids not THAT tall... Is he?

I looked around for a minute and my eyes landed on the object of my obsession. There was Sora, sitting away from the rest of the group by himself on the fountain. I was too far away to really see his face so I couldn't tell what his expression was. He looked.... kind of sad from his slumped over position though.

I smiled beside myself. I was **so** close.

I could easily walk up to Sora and....

My eyes went wide for a brief moment, then they narrowed into a vicious glare. There he was... that little cock sucking bastard! He was the cause of all of this! He tried to make Sora leave me... He tried to take him away from me!

Riku.....

And at that moment my vision shifted to the right again.

To that man with long silver hair....

Then back to Riku...

Now... wait a minute...

There are 2 of them...

GASP

__

"You'll never hurt Squall again..."

It's...

It's that kid....

What was his name....?

The tall silver haired guy turned around finally and I saw his face and eyes. It all came flooding back to me then... And I knew **exactly** who this person was. I slinked back behind the tree and absently fingered the hilt of my Gunblade. A crooked, victorious smile made it's way across my face.

So now it **all **makes sense.

Sephiroth.

Boy, did I have a surprise for him.

------

Riku

------

"Sora..." I said softly. He looked up and regarded me coolly for a moment.

"Can... can I talk to your for a minute...?"

Sora stared at me again for along moment before he nodded and scooted over a bit to give me a warm place to sit. I didn't really know where to start this... I won't do it like last time.. No yelling... No blaming each other back and forth... I was just about to say something when Sora beat me to it...

"I wanna be with you." He said and pulled me into a tight embrace. I'm was so surprised I didn't now what to do. I hugged him back.... a bit relieved.

But... this was too easy....

"Sora.... I...."

"I was so stupid Riku... I hurt you... I said so many cruel things to you..." Sora buried his face in my jacket and I felt him sobbing.

No.. no.. not this again...

"I'm... so sorry for everything I did and said... I... I never wanted you to get hurt.... that way... I wanted to see you sad.. But not miserable, not suicidal, not hurt...."

Sora pulled away from me then looked me in the face.

"I love you Riku. And I was so... blinded by my anger.. by jealously and stupidity that... that... I..."

"Sora stop, please..." I grabbed his shoulders and shook him once roughly.

"Don't do this.. not again. Enough with the self accusations already. That's so not why I came to talk to you...."

Sora sniffled and wiped at his eyes. His cold cheeks flushed with red and his baby blue eyes chipped in ice. I wanted to kiss him all over right here and now.

"I came to ask you... What is that you want... out of our relationship? I want to be with you.... but... not yet... we still both have.. so many things we need to work out in ourselves. I think we need to start over."

Sora nodded in agreement. I smiled and absently rubbed my hands through his hair. It had been so long since I'd been this close to him.

So long.

"We'll have to work hard. To make this work Sora. I want to be with you... That's all I've ever wanted! I want things to be.. right again... okay?" Sora smiled at me and his tears were starting to ice over. I leaned in a kissed his cheek to melt one of them. He let out a soft gasp and I leaned back to look at him. He was staring at something, just past me, into the distance. I noted the sound of fireworks going off.

Suddenly Sora smiled and stood up.

"Come on!" He chirped and dragged me to a standing position. I tried to look behind me, to see what Sora had seen, but he didn't give me a chance to.

"Sora... hold on a second.. we shouldn't...." I was trying to protest. But seeing him smile... after so long had me hypnotized. I knew against my better judgment that we shouldn't be wandering off. But something had Sora excited. I wanted to see what it was.

And Sora disappeared into the crowd, I'd lost my grip on his hand. I could hear him giggling though. And without a second thought I followed him.

Wow.. he's gotten so fast.

I was trying to squeeze through the crowd at break neck running speed as well as keep sight of Sora. The whole area was lighting up with every color of the rainbow from the fire works up above. At one point I had to wait for the sky to light up just to see where Sora had gone. He was waiting in an alley. He waved to me and dashed off before I got there. I kept following him, through the dark alley, my foot steps echoing over the laughter and cheer of the huge crowd and boom of the fire works. Sora's giggles reverberated down the wet slick brick alleyway, sounding more like a million children giggling, then just one.

I skidded to a halt when I came to the end of the alley and looked left and right. I was on the other side of the parade, near the rides. The grounds were more open over here, but it was still just as crowded. I didn't see Sora anywhere and then I heard my name be called. I looked right and Sora was whistling for me.

"Riku, over here!" He took off again.

I was starting to get short of breath now. Man... he could run...

"Come on, keep up with me!" He yelled happily.

I stumbled for a moment. Again the sound of the fireworks blasted and banged over head. One of the lights caught Sora's face perfectly in an over cast. When he turned to smile at me, it was like an holy light had illuminated an Angel.

"Sora! Where are we going?!" I called out. Laughing even though I was tired.

"You'll see!" He chirped. He turned and ran backwards, quite gracefully for a brief second before saying.

"It'll be a **blast**!"

I kept running after him.

------

Cloud

------

Seph was leaning in, kissing me over and over and over again. I was in heaven. We went around in a circle again while the fireworks went off over head. It was like... a fairy tale. I was a prince who'd found... his prince. For a few blissful moments, all was right in the world. And then suddenly Seph stopped. He sat me down and looked around, I'm sure, the entire area in about 2 seconds. It was like watching a machine process millions of amounts of information faster then light speed.

"Where are they?" Seph suddenly snapped. He'd let me go and was looking around, standing on his toes, not that he needed to, to see into the crowd. Aeris and Cid ran over to us to see what was wrong.

"Sora and Riku, where are they?" Seph said again, and I heard worry etched in his voice.... I looked around too but didn't see them anywhere. This was most definitely not good.

"How could they have run off so quickly?" Aeris cried. Cid shook his head. "We all got distracted by the fucking fire works!" He yelled. Seph shook his head. But something else was wrong.

"Seph.. what is it?... I mean.. even if they wandered off, look at this crowd. Leon will never find them in this."

Seph seemed to ponder that for a second and looked up. I noticed too for the first time that there were HUGE projection screens attached to the buildings about 20 feet in the air. My eyes went wide... mostly because I could see my image looking back at me. Had those things been on the whole time? So **EVERYBODY** saw me and Seph being all lovey dovey...?!

ACK!

"We'll go and look for them." Aeris called out and she and Cid ran off into the crowd.

"We should go look too. So just in case Leon is here, we'll find the boys first." I said and grabbed Seph's arm. He was still staring at that screen. He was so much more taller then me that I couldn't see the expression on his face. But he seemed to be frozen in place. I looked up at the screen and saw the most terrified expression on Seph's face that I'd ever seen. His pupils were even dilated.

"SEPH!" I screamed. Christ what the hell was wrong?

"He's already found them...." Seph whispered. He pointed up at another screen, one that was recording footage on the other side of the plaza.

And there he was.

There was Leon, stepping out of the crowd. Slowly his hood was falling from his face. No body seemed to notice him either. And then I saw Sora dash across the camera's view, Riku followed close behind.

They ran **right** past Leon.

Oh my god...

.

"Cloud, call the police, tell them to get there asses here **now**!" Seph yelled and shoved me to start running opposite the way he was going.

"The plaza circles around! See if you can head Sora off! I'm going to stop Leon!"

And with that Seph took off running in the longest strides I'd ever seen any body take. His black trench coat whipping behind him.

------

Riku

------

Something's wrong.. Very wrong...

"Sora! Sora, stop... I can't... run....!"

I stopped so I could catch my breath. My lungs felt like cold knives were stabbing into them. And my face was stiff from the bitter frost.

I was wheezing... It'd been a long time since I'd run like this...

I looked up through my bangs and saw Sora skipping up a small flight of stares. He was standing in front of the Plaza Ice Sculpture gallery. I couldn't tell what the sculpture was at first and I started to walk slowly, panting, to get closer.

I smiled widely.

Sora reached out to me, his eyes beckoning me to join him in front of that huge wall of ice.

Which was carved into the shape of a paopu fruit.

I picked up speed again, and reached out. This was the perfect moment. Like in a dream. The fireworks blasting up above, illuminating the ice like a million colored shards of glass.

It was so perfect...

I was almost there.....

------

Cloud

------

".... This... isn't a prank call asshole!" I yelled into my cell phone and ran as fast as I could. I was shoving people out of the way while trying to keep myself from falling. I kept glancing up at the screens above, watching Seph zoom past them like a blur of black and silver. At one point hot dog stand was blocking the way, surrounded on each side by about 12 dozen people. Seph leapt onto a bench without slowing down and actually did a front hand spring off of the top of the hot dog stand banner. Black coat fanning out like wings, silver hair like a stream of stars. He landed with barely a halt in between his next running step. I almost ran into a women staring at that TOTALLY AWESOME display.

People were actually starting to chase after him to see why he was in such a rush. They couldn't keep up too well.

I rounded a corner and almost slipped and busted my ass. After I righted myself I noticed there was lots of ice around. Chips of it anyway.... This must be the ice sculpture gallery. I think I'm getting close to Sora now.

"Fuck.... listen this is an emergency. Please send.... oh... BITCH!!" I snarled and hung up my phone. Why the fuck were those police pussy footing around tonight? Considering this is a HUGE city gathering you'd think.... they'd be here...

YES!

Just across the lawn was a police car and 2 cops. They had steaming hot cups of coco or something in there hands. Biting my lip I came up with a plan... I really hope I don't go to jail for this later. But I needed to police to back me up.

I picked up a huge ice chunk and chucked it with all the force I could across the lawn.

The sound of shattering glass rang across the distance.

Holy.. shit... I broke both windows...

The police officers gaped at the broken glass for a moment then looked to see where it came from. I waved, to let them know it was me, and took off running into the gallery. About a moment later I heard the sound of an engine behind me.

OH SHIT!!

I ducked and skidded and turned as quickly as I could without falling. I could hear those glass figurines shattering behind me. I burst out from the side of the gallery and made a U- turn to head towards Sora. At the same time I saw Seph come running out of an alley way on the other side of the plaza.

The police car behind me came roaring out of the trees just to my left and gracelessly soared down the stairs right into the concrete. The crunch of metal and breaking of glass made my ears pop. The blaring police siren went out with a tiny whizzing sound. I didn't look back to see if the cops were still following me.

"SORA!!" I yelled. But he didn't hear me. I put all of my power behind running as fast as I could, Seph was doing the same coming up behind Riku......

And almost like.. in slow motion I saw Riku reach out to Sora's outstretched hand, their finger tips only a few feet apart.

Dully in the background I heard people screaming and the rapid dash of many foot steps. I flicked my eyes away from Sora for one second and saw Seph stagger in his run. He paused for just a moment.... Then went down almost like he fainted.... A wave of fire works started to go off, like the climax to a very wonderful performance. But there was one shot... that rang out above the rest...

Something splattered all over Sora. Something dark. And I saw Riku fall forward, not even trying to catch himself, his teal green eyes rolled into the back of his head, his hand still stretched out to grasp Sora's....

------

Sephiroth

------

There were a bunch of people running past me and an immense pain shot through my left shoulder. When I staggered I lost my footing on some ice and slipped. It was perfect timing though. I heard the distinct sound of a gun shot go off. Lots of people around me fell flat to the ground and started to scream. Then another wave of loud bangs went off and I realized they were more fireworks. What I thought to be shattered glass was really broken pieces of ice. I glanced to my left in one of the screens and saw Leon coming up behind me.

I didn't think and grabbed a shard like piece of ice from the ground. I stood up quickly, Leon had his gunblade ready. I turned in a sharp 180, just as he pulled the trigger again, and threw the piece of ice like a small dagger. His bullet missed me completely and landed with a dull thud in the trunk of a tree. But I didn't miss. Leon cried out in pain and griped his left shoulder. He grimaced and tugged the shard of ice out. Blood started to flow freely from his wound. Leon looked at the blood covering the ice spike before he tossed it on the ground.

It shattered.

"Son of a bitch!" He yelled.

I smirked.

"Running out of things to call me!" I said back coolly. That pissed him off. "I'm not a kid anymore." I added.

He raised his GunBlade head level to me and bit his bottom lip.

"Pull it." I taunted. My eyes narrowing. "You'll miss. I'll catch it. Then throw it back at you." I'd done it once in training.... I'll do it again.

Leon hesitated.

"SEPH!!" I heard Cloud call out to me. My attention was immediately on him.

"Riku he..." I took a chance to look around and my eyes widen at what I saw....

No....

I heard foot steps retreating opposite me and realized Leon had run away.

I turned to run towards Cloud, Riku, and Sora.

"Cloud are you okay!?" I asked but my attention was really on Riku, who was sprawled out on the ground. He wasn't moving either.

"I'm... fine... but I think...Seph..."

"Is Sora okay..."

"YES, DAMMIT! I got to him before.... Seph.. Riku... I think... the bullet... his head.... oh god..."

I skidded t a halt and fell to my knees next to Riku's prone body. I could hear Cloud and Sora standing up.

Fuck!

I knew I wasn't hearing things when I heard two shots go off. I couldn't figure out where the second bullet went.

There was blood everywhere. All of it Riku's

I took off my gloves and felt Riku's back. The crimson had soaked through his snow white jacket and was literally dying it red. I turned him over gently and checked for a pulse.

He had one

Barely.

"Riku, stay with me.." I said softly and unzipped his coat.

He was almost blue he was so pale. His eyes were open just slightly and he was watching me. I leaned in to listen to him breathe. He was practically gasping. Cloud came up on Riku's opposite side. He skidded to his knees across the cold wet concrete and pulled off his jacket. It was bitterly cold out. He balled it up and put it under Riku's head while I pulled open his jacket. There was a huge blood stain on the interior of the down garment which lead me to believe the bullet had gone right through. I looked around where Riku fell and I noted a steaming hole in one of the steps a few feet away. Blood was splashed all around it.

"Cloud, call 911 right now. Tell them to send an ambulance, that there's a wounded civilian, 17, bullet to the...." Seph trailed off and pushed up Riku's sweater to reveal a puncture through his lower abdomen.

"...Through his.... kidneys..." Seph breathed. I paused for a second and pulled off my jacket to cover Riku. The boy was starting to convulse.

"No no... Riku.. just keep breathing..." I said soothingly. I was trying not to panic. Christ... he was so small.... I can't.... do.. CPR on him with the way he's bleeding....

I put my jacket across Riku's lower body to keep him warm and went to work.

"Did you call Cloud?" I said calmly. I heard Cloud's cell phone click on and he started talking, saying exactly what I'd told him to. I tore open Riku's sweater, it was in the way, and used his T-shirt to stop the bleeding. If I could get it to stop.... then he should be okay until the ambulance gets here.

Cloud's voice was vague over the thoughts running through my head.

Leon.... that fucking son of a bitch... He's actually gone off the deep end. He just shot a 17 year old boy... He sure as hell **didn't** look crazy when he'd done it.... Maybe I was wrong to ever feel sorry for him....

Riku bucked and gasped sharply. Blood started to fountain out of his mouth. Cloud screamed next to me.

"He's dying!" He gasped and went to cradle Riku's head. He started to rub the boys hair and whisper softly to him.

"Come on Riku.. please, please hold on... the ambulance is gonna be... Yes! FUCK WEREN'T YOU LISTENING!? I JUST SAID A KID'S BEEN.... What...? Oh my God..."

I looked up at Cloud then and saw the horror laden across his face.

"What?" I hissed and then I felt Riku go still under me.

SHIT!!

"That boy... Tim..."

Riku BREATHE!! COME ON!

"...Seph they found that boy..."

I looked up at Cloud and regarded him in confusion. What did he mean they found him?... That's great... unless...

"He's dead... His body washed up on the river bank an hour ago...."

I couldn't help but gape wide eyed up at him for a moment. Then my focus was back on Riku.

"Cloud hold this here, put as much pressure as you can down on it. We've got to stop the bleeding." I moved up to Riku's head and listened to see if he was breathing again.

He wasn't.

Cloud was in shock.. I could tell because he was suddenly to calm about what was going on.

I leaned down to start CPR on Riku but hesitated for a moment at the amount of blood in his mouth...

To hell with it... I had to get him breathing.... if I could...

And the repetitions started.

Over and over again I pumped his chest and breathed into his mouth. My fingers were numb, my arm was killing me, and I was starting to get tired.

"They said all of the police and ambulances are busy... Seph... it'll be 20 minutes before they get here..."

FUCK THAT.

I spit out blood and snatched the phone from Cloud. He went to doing the repetitions in my place.

"This is General Sephiroth Operating Class 0- X1469. I'm putting in a distress call for an ambulance at Traverse Plaza Downtown. At 2300 hours a 17 year old civilian was gunned down. The wound has been assessed and deemed fatal if not treated promptly."

I drew a breath.

"**SO that means get a mother-fucking ambulance over here in the next 20 seconds or I'll take your badge and slit your god damn throat with it. DO YOU UNDERSTAND**!?"

I heard the man on the phone stutter a quick and frightened 'Yes Sir."

"General Sephiroth out!" I tossed Cloud's phone back to him and ignored his bewildered look at my outburst. I'd have to explain myself later.

I went back to breathing for Riku. I was afraid we were too late however.

I gasped out of pain and exhaustion and went to breathe once more into Riku's mouth. I heard Cid and Aeris, as well as many police cars and an ambulance pull up. My lips were an inch from Riku's when he suddenly drew in a breath of his own. At the same time, the paramedics where lifting him onto a stretcher.

They quickly took over. Setting up an oxygen mask and IV needles to make up for how much blood he'd lost. I fell back and tried to catch my breath. My chest hurt as did my arm and I was starting to see spots before my eyes. The next thing I knew Cloud was holding me up calling my name. I couldn't answer him before I passed out.

------

Cloud

------

This has to be a bad dream....

A nightmare....

Any minute now... I'm going to wake up.... with Seph in my arms in my room in my bed. And everything's going to be okay....

How did everything go so wrong...?

Everything was happening in a blur. I was being asked questions at a million miles a second and I couldn't keep up. I kept looking at Riku's lifeless body while the medics hustled back and forth in the small ambulance space. I wanted to take his hand, to make sure it was still warm. But they wouldn't let me get close to him. They were saying a bunch of medical jargon that I didn't understand.... but I didn't really care either. I just wanted to hear them say...

Riku will be okay.

Aeris rode with Seph, he told me he'd be fine before he passed out and told me to ride with Riku instead. Cid rode in a police car with Sora. They were tailing us in a mad rush to the emergency room.

I looked down at my hands and noted how much blood was on them. It was all Riku's. I started to shake, desperately wishing I could put this blood back into him. Knowing he would die with out it.

Riku.. please don't die....

The next thing I knew Riku was being rushed inside of the hospital. A band of doctors in light blue scrubs came running up. Again I was lost in the blur of medical terminology and mass of tubes and needles.

Riku was taken into a room at the far end of the hall and the doors shut with a loud click. I stood there in the waiting area, wet, cold, and almost delusional with worry. People were staring at me like I was a mental patient that just showed up out of nowhere. I glared at them all in turn... Like they could understand what I was dealing with right now....?

The front doors opened again and Seph's stretcher was wheeled in. I went to stand by his side. I really didn't know what was wrong with him besides him having fainted.

"Please stand back sir." One of the paramedics said. I frowned but kept following the stretcher.

"Where are you taking him...?"

"To the OR." (operating room)

I looked at Seph, he was still out cold.

"Why.. he..., he wasn't hurt...?" I assured myself. The paramedic looked at me like I was crazy.

"He's been shot sir. Please excuse us."

And they too disappeared behind the huge double doors.

I started to shake... from being cold one, the other from being scared and worried out of my mind.

I hadn't even noticed Seph had been hurt... He hadn't looked hurt the whole time... he... God.. please let him be okay... please.

I went to sit down in one of the waiting room chairs and put my head down. Before I knew it I'd started to cry.

I just couldn't fight it anymore.

What went... wrong...?

I don't... get it....

Everything was so.. perfect... just for one moment...

The hospital doors opened again and Aeris, Sora, and Cid walked through it. Aeris came up to me, sobbing, and pulled me into a hug. I wiped at my eyes and held her close. She'd just found out about Tim.

"Oh Cloud.. this is just.. awful... How could Leon do this...? Why would he do this...?"

I shook my head....

Hell if I knew...

Cid put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a weary look. He then tipped my chin up, telling me to suck it up and be a man. I took a shuddery breath and halted my tears. This was no time for crying.

And then.. there was Sora... He'd seen everything first hand. He'd been even closer then me to Riku when the bullet hit him.

I went over to him, he'd went to stand in the corner near the water fountain. He was staring down at his white and red sleeved jacket. Blood had dried across it.

"Sora...." I said softly and went to touch his shoulder.

"I... just wanted.... the paopu... I just wanted to see... for him to see...." He muttered. I turned him around to look in his face. He was gone.. mentally I mean..

"...blood... Riku's blood.. all over.. me... all over.. the... paopu.... Riku said... he..."

Tears started to roll down Sora's cheeks but he just kept muttering absently. I pulled him into a hug and rocked him gently.

"Shh... it's okay. Riku's going to be just fine...." I looked to Cid for assurance and he smiled.

"Course he will, that little smart mouthed bastard, he's a fighter."

That he was indeed.

I turned to look at the doomed double doors. 2 people I cared deeply about had been swallowed up by them. I hope, and pray, a wish that they come back through them....

Alive....

****

-----------------

Authors notes-

-----------------

I'll leave it to you guys. evil grin Dramatic enough for you?


	20. Chapter 20

--None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

--------

Chapter 20

------

_Kill me kiss me...._

------

Cloud

------

It felt like...

Seconds were minutes.

Minutes were hours.

And hours were days.

I felt like every time I blinked more of Seph and Riku's lives were slipping away. I'd managed to calm myself enough to pace slowly back and forth. I started to shake too much if I sat still. I kept staring at the massive walls of metal that two of my loved ones just disappeared behind. Doors I wasn't allowed to enter.

Doctors came and went through them with the passing of time. None of them so much as stopped or looked at me to tell me what was going on. I noticed vaguely that they all had the same stone stoic like expression on their faces.

Faces of ice.

They couldn't break....

They left that up to people like me...

I sucked in a quick breath and ran a hand over my face. I was tired. Really tired. My eyes burned when I blinked and there seemed to be this haze over my mind.... A haze I couldn't clear just by shaking my head.

Aeris, Cid, and now Yuffie sat silently behind me. Regarding me wearily. They didn't know what to tell me besides, 'it'll be okay Cloud'. I will continue believing those words until a doctor tells me something other wise.

Once... Aeris tried to get me to sit down. To rest. And I almost snapped on her.

Sit down?

Rest?

Why?

Seph and Riku... could be dying... Riku could already **be** dead.

**Rest**.... she says?

I'll be able to do **plenty** of that after I've buried a 17 year old boy along side my boyfriend....

Cause I'll just **die** if they don't make it....

A shuddery breath and a cough left my lips. I have a strange feeling I'm coming down with a cold. I'd been wet and somewhat soaked in blood when we'd reached the hospital. I'd since then been given a nice big hooded sweater from the hospital gift shop.

Why are the selling sweaters in a hospital gift shop?

Wanna know what it says across the front?

Traverse Memorial Hospital. Glad your stay was a brief one....

The fuck?

-sigh- Whatever....

I coughed again and rubbed my throat. It was starting to hurt a bit. Yeah... I'm getting sick now. -frustrated sigh-

I turned sharply, reaching the apex of my pacing and retraced my steps. I glanced up briefly and looked again at the place where Sora was laying. He'd stretched out across 2 seats and rested his head on Aeris lap. He'd freaked out so badly he'd gone into shock... Almost cardiac arrest. I didn't know until now that kids his age could have heart attacks. They had to sedate him. They wanted to put him in a room and monitor him too..... I wouldn't let them. So a nurse kept coming back and checking on him every other hour.

Every other hour.....

How long had we been hear now...?

I looked at the glass front doors and noticed the sky was still really dark. The sun didn't come up until around 7 am anyway. But still what time was it?

I looked over the receptionist desk to my right and the clock read 5 am. I couldn't repress a yawn.

I wouldn't sleep though. Not until somebody told me something.

Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned on them quickly. The small women jumped back and almost dropped the tray in her hand.

I'm so on edge.... gotta calm down....

"Er... sorry... you startled me..." I said softly and reached out to balance the tray she carried. She smiled and excused my apology.

"I brought you all some coffee." She said gently and I noticed 4 steaming plastic cups sitting on the tray. I took a cup thankfully and blew at the chocolate colored liquid. It felt so good going down my itchy parched throat. The nurse, the same one that was looking after Sora, handed cups to Aeris, Cid, and Yuffie. They smiled beside themselves from her kindness.

The nurse tapped Sora on the shoulder and he responded with a soft whimpering sound. The nurse smiled and took his pulse again. She nodded to herself.

"He's doing fine now. Gave us a bit of scare earlier." She laughed good naturedly ran a hand over his now wild hair. I felt myself getting a little calmer. If the nurse was acting so under control towards us... Seph and Riku MUST be okay right?

Okay my worry meter just went back up.... God... somebody please tell me something!

Are they okay!?

Is Riku... gonna live...?

He'd lost so much blood before they'd gotten him to the hospital...

"Mr. Strife." The nurse called to me. I blinked hard several times and forced myself to listen closely to what she said. She may divulge some information about Seph and Riku's current state.

"One of the doctors told me to give you these." She handed me a small package. It barely fit in my palm. I sneered just slightly.

"Get some rest." She said with a soft smile. She patted my shoulder and walked away.

Maybe I should... No telling how powerful this medication is she just gave me.... I have to stay alert dammit.

"Talk about suspense." Yuffie said softly. I nodded in agreement and took another sip of my coffee. Yuffie had been trying to reach us all night. She'd seen the news and everything and wanted to see if we knew what was going down with Leon. Oh yeah... we knew alright. She couldn't reach any of us at home and called our cells. Aeris explained everything to her and she came over to the hospital to be with us.

I hate now that we dragged her into all of this. She told us Leon had been sighted again after all of the chaos at the parade. He was being chased again....

It amazes me.... A whole fucking city is on his heels and NOBODY can catch him. I know last night Seph came really close to it. He had couldn't pay attention to Leon the whole time though. He'd been SO CLOSE!

Christ.... I never knew Seph could do.... He just.... threw the thing and.... He stood up to a man with a gun pointed at his head.... then the CPR and the police and..... the yelling and.... the whole time he'd been hurt too..... -dazed-

Seph is SO cool!

That brought a weary smile to my lips. I had so many things I wanted to ask Seph once I got the chance. And I **would** get the chance. Seph **would** make it. Riku would too. Like Cid said; Riku was a fighter. And may I add, **extremely** stubborn.

Riku would be okay.

He would.

To think... this night could get any more worse or any more chaotic....

I was **so** wrong.

It was like this weird chain reaction.

The hospital doors burst open again, this time about a dozen police came hurdling in. Right behind them were a few medics carrying bags and equipment. They tracked dirty black snow and water all over the tile floor and none of them slowed down to tell anybody what the fuck was going on.

Everyone sitting in the waiting area stood up to take in the sudden change of things. I felt panic suddenly grip my heart as well. I recognized some of the equipment being carried. My fears weren't confirmed until I saw a man come in wearing a goggles and a Medical Air transport uniform. Then he resounding sound of a helicopter out front jarred my senses painfully.

.....This is bad....

Usually when a patient is so badly injured they call in a helicopter for immediate transport to another hospital. A better hospital.... where a patient close to **death** can get help.....

Oh my god.... please let it **not** be Riku.... Please let it not be....

Hold on a second....

They're bringing somebody **in**....

I walked closer to the door, my curiosity level beating out my common sense to stay back. The police were holding us at bay and talking on cell phones or into radios. I managed to see out the door and noticed a stretcher being wheeled in. And behind the helicopter, the ambulance, the police cars, barricades and yellow tape was a slew of cameras, flashing lights, and.... reporters with microphones.

What. The. Fuck?

Who they hell were they bringing in here...?

The stretcher was getting closer with each passing second and it's like time suddenly slowed down. The last person I'd ever expected to get carted in here, an oxygen mask hooked up to their face, covered in blood....

I should be happy....

But I wasn't....

I blinked and in the short passage of time the OR doors slipped closed again. Sucking police and medics inside. The helicopter driver made his exit and the resounding sputter of the planes fans started up again before disappearing into the white noise of the chattering reporters. The front doors to the hospital closed, cutting off the artic wind blasting it's way through and the deafening buzz of many voices. The reporters where forcefully shoved away from the front entrance. At the same time, the waiting room went completely silent.

Sora sat up and stared blankly at the OR doors. He looked scared and surprised. I'm sure he thought something bad had happened to Riku.

Hell, **_I_** had.

But now... something good and at the same time worse had just happened instead...

"What the hell was that all about?" Yuffie asked stunned. She nudged my arm and I looked blankly at her.

"I couldn't see anything over the mob." She said.

Aeris and Cid walked over to me and waited for me to speak.

I almost couldn't find the words.

I'd seen the whole thing. I saw who was on the stretcher clearly. But I was still so shocked.

**He** was actually here....

"Cloud..." I heard Sora say. I turned to look at him and gave him a weary stare. I couldn't stop the slight grin that came to my lips.

"Leon."

And with that one simple statement everyone turned to the doors. Even people just aimlessly standing around reacted to the name.

Leon was **here**, in the hospital.

They'd **caught** him.

But I didn't have time to dwell on that simple fact because a doctor came up behind me. His voice was calm, but exhausted. He looked tired and extremely weary. I blinked a few times to clear my head of everything that just happened and waited for him to speak.

And in the brief blink of time it took him to open his mouth about a million heart shattering scenarios ran through my head...

And I couldn't tell reality from nightmare....

Suddenly the ground seemed like it was getting closer to my face....

And I couldn't breath....

My eyes burned and my throat was parched...

Every sound seemed to be muted out by the rush of blood to my ears...

I saw this long semi dark hallway lit only by a few flickering fluorescent lights...

Tables covered in white sheets hiding.... lifeless bodies underneath were pushed neatly to the side....

I stopped at another set of thick tall ominous doors...

The sign next to it read;

Morgue...

The door opened on it's own because I don't remember moving.... and there in the in the center of this ice cold room.... was 2 tables....

Ever felt like... you just don't belong somewhere? Ever felt like you're the only thing living in a particular place?

That's how I felt now....

Again I was moving forward against my will...

I saw my hand reach out to grasp at the sheets covering what I knew to be a body....

Never.... in my worse nightmares have I been so heartbroken.... and felt so... sad....

Riku.... was that body....

He was.... about as pale as the sheet I held in my hand.... but his lips were blue....

His eyes were closed and he was so still... I couldn't even see the simple rise and fall of his chest....

The rise and fall that signified life....

I gasped, I know I did, but I couldn't hear my own cries of pain.....

I reached forward slightly and recoiled from the frost that touched my fingers tips.

He was.... so cold!

I wanted so badly.... to pick him up and hold him. To bring some color back to his pallid complexion....

But I couldn't bring myself to touch him....

He'd be stiff.

Kind of like.... how raw ground beef feels under the plastic wrapper in the meat isle at the grocery store.

I started to shake... and choke on my own breathes...

I knew I was crying... but it was so cold in here that my tears were freezing in my eyelashes.

Beside myself... I turned to the next table and ripped the sheet off.

I heard myself scream this time.

And my voice echoed so loud in my own ears it sounded like a million harpies just shrieked as loud as they could.

I fell to my knees and tried to catch my breath....

I couldn't even look up again....

I couldn't believe it....

Seph....

Seph.....

And I threw up....

There were foot steps and people crying behind him.....

We have to take the bodies... Someone said to me.

Bodies! Why did people suddenly start calling Riku and Seph, BODIES? They have names.. and feelings.. and personalities... they aren't just... **things**.

Bodies?

Like.. an inanimate object... like... something you can throw away once you get tired of it.

I hated to hear people say that....

Someone tried to help me up, but I fought them... they were trying to take me away from

Seph... away from Riku....

I had... wake them up...

It was so cold in here.... They'd get sick.... They'd.... catch their....

...Death...

In...

Here...

"Cloud...." Someone called to me... It was... a voice I didn't recognize....

"Mr.. Strife."

"No...." I whimpered and felt the sting of tears in my eyes.

I blinked.... and was suddenly standing in the waiting room again. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to focus on what the doctor said. I felt a cold trickle of sweat slide down the side of my face.

I'd... imagined it...?

The doctor was staring at me in a worried expression. I felt my eyes go wide while I waited for him to speak. I only really heard a few words the doctor said.

But it was enough.

Success..... recover.... fine....."

There was a resounding outlet of held breaths behind me. And I had to remember to release my own.

-exhales slowly-

I've never shed tears of joy before. But I have to admit....

It felt good.

So very good.

------

Sephiroth

-----

That beeping noise....

Sounds like.... a heart monitor....

It's so close.... and annoying... Like an alarm clock....

I guess that's.... a good thing that it's... beeping so persistently though....

Mmm.... Can't open my eyes....

Is that the sun... or a fluorescent light?

Can't tell...

Where am I anyway?

The last thing I remember was.... Cloud's face... He was... trying to tell me something.... Something about Riku....

RIKU!

..Ugn..

Now... I know I just tried to sit up.... Tried to move... But I can't.... My body feels like lead. I can't even feel my fingers moving.... but I know I'm moving them..... I'm thinking about moving them anyway....

"Don't try to move..."

I tried to turn towards the voice but noted vaguely that I couldn't.

"It's the medicine..... gave..... you.... Doc.... sa.... it'll keep... for a while...."

What the hell?

"So.... st..orn.... Stay... ill...."

Cloud?

"Se..."

Cloud... is that you?

"Sep..."

And suddenly I could see and hear... somewhat.

The rush made me dizzy for a second...

"Seph."

Someone was laughing softly near my ear.

"Would you stay still."

As my vision cleared I noticed how dark it was.... where ever I was. Don't know why I saw a light at first.....

"Take it easy."

I blinked a few times and looked to my right. I knew who was sitting next to me before my eyes even focused.

"Cloud..." I said and wanted to grimace at how scratchy my voice sounded. I must have been out for a long time. I looked around and figured I was in a hospital room. The door was closed right now so I couldn't see out into the hall. I wasn't worried about that now though. I focused back on Cloud and his sweet voice.

"Hey there sleeping beauty." Cloud whispered and smiled slightly. He looked so relieved. I couldn't figure out what that was about. I couldn't really... remember anything....

"You're in the hospital." Cloud started. I kept my eyes on him while he spoke to keep me focused. I noticed he had bags under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping much it seemed.

"They just wheeled you from urgent care a few hours ago. The doctor said you're out of critical condition." Cloud leaned in closer to me and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"They gave you some really powerful drugs to keep you asleep so you could heal.... Doctor said you'll be a bit out of it for a while."

I blinked really slowly.

"You remember don't you?"

I didn't even have to shake my head for him to realize that, no, I didn't.

"You were shot.... Leon shot you. You and Riku."

That's right!

Again I tried to force myself to sit up so I could look around but my body wouldn't respond to my orders. Cloud put his hand on my chest to keep me still.

"Don't move." He hissed. I sneered, I know I did.

"Look, every things fine now, okay. Take it easy. You'll agitate your wounds. You just came out of surgery again you know."

No... I didn't know...

Again?

Huh?

Cloud leaned his head on the railing of my bed and sighed.

"They couldn't get the bullet out of you at first. It fractured your left shoulder blade and got imbedded in you collar bone."

I winced. Cloud nodded and his face took on a miserable grief stricken expression.

"They didn't want to take any chances. During the first surgery they couldn't get the bleeding to stop..... they just closed you up and tried to get you stable. A few days later they took you in again to remove the bullet. It had shattered so.... they had lots of little pieces to get out." Cloud looked up at me again and reached out to run his hand through my hair.

"It... missed your spine by a barely an inch.... They said it would've either killed you.... or paralyzed you..."

My eyes went slightly wide. Really? Now that I remember.... I hadn't... felt that much in pain.... when I'd gotten shot....

"And you were up running around after you got injured... You did all of those things... in such a horrible condition...." Cloud whispered and leaned forward again to kiss me, this time on the cheek.

"You are so amazing Seph."

I didn't feel amazing.... Just what the hell did they give me anyway? I had to repress a tired shudder.... as best as I could. I felt like falling back asleep.

Wait a minute. A few days later....?

"How... long....?" I breathed and realized that was the best I could do to ask my question. Cloud sighed and took my hand in his.

"6 days. Even though... with how fast every thing's been happening it only feels like a few _hours_..." He said softly. And I'm sure the surprise was evident on my face.

I'd.... been out for 6 days? No way....

"You were.... really exhausted... The doctor said you put a lot of strain on your body performing CPR after you were wounded.... You could barely breath yourself and you were trying to resuscitate Riku. That's why you passed out."

I closed my eyes in acknowledgement. Well.... that explained a few things at least.

Except....

"Riku....?" I breathed. Cloud's face fell and I felt my stomach sink to my feet.

Oh no.... No....

"He's still out." Cloud smiled just slightly. "He's stable."

I sighed.

Well... that was better then dead.

I wanted to smile. Face was too numb. I'm so glad though.

"He flat lined once in the operating room....."

My eyes snapped from the door back to Cloud and I could only stare.

What?

"Yeah... about half way through the surgery. I was told that he'd lost so much blood his organs were starting to shut down, an a attempt his body made to try and keep him alive... They almost couldn't revive him."

I closed my eyes again and fought fatigue.

"None of his organs were injured though.... a bit of tearing at his intestines... but they stapled them back together. Now... we just have to wait for him to wake up.... Unlike you, whose been in and out of consciousness for the past few days.... Riku's just stayed asleep."

Cloud licked his lips.

"He's so... frail..." Cloud whispered and I didn't miss the sound of sadness in his voice. "It's.... still a slight possibility that he might.... not make it.... The hospitals having trouble getting more blood that matches his type..."

I sighed again and tried to look around. I could move my neck a little now at least.

"They'd let you do it.... if you weren't hurt." Cloud muttered. I turned to look back at him. He nodded. "You and Riku have the same blood type you know." He said.

No... I hadn't known that.

Hmmm....

"They won't let you even if _you_ say yes. In a few more days maybe... depending on your condition. They need at least 2 and 1/2 pints.... You can't spare even a drop right now." Cloud smirked at me. I wanted to kiss him deeply at that moment. I was so happy to see him.

"Where's.... Riku.... now...?" I stuttered out slowly. I frowned again at how meek my voice sounded.

Cloud's face brightened and he moved aside in his chair.

"He's still asleep. But he reacts to our voices." Cloud stood up and helped me sit up slightly so I could see across the room. Not far away was Riku's bed. He still needed assistance to breath so he had a oxygen mask on. Tubes were connected to various parts of his body, one a blood filled one extending from his outstretched arm, another 2 extending from his nose. He was breathing a bit slower then I liked but he looked for the most part okay. His shoulder length silver hair cascaded over his pillow, framing his head like a hallow of stars. He looked like a sleeping angel.

I'm so glad he's just sleeping.

I really hate those tubes... And I just noticed I have one coming out of my nose. Glad I can't feel it yet.

"You saved his life Seph." Cloud stood up this time and sat on the edge of my bed. He laid his head onto my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"The paramedics said if you hadn't been there to keep breathing for him, he would have died instantly."

I wiggled my fingers and felt them move this time. With a bit of work I managed to lift my right arm and returns Cloud's hug all the while keeping my eyes on the sleeping child across the room. Something moved on the other side of Riku's bed and a head covered in spiked brown hair popped up before laying back down again. It was Sora, he was resting his head on Riku's bed.

I sighed and leaned harder into my pillow. I was tired again and ready to fall asleep. Riku was safe and alive, and everyone else seemed to be fine. I could... relax for a minute before I started to beat the hell out of myself for being so stupid.

Okay.... minute's up....

How could I have been so careless?!! SO STUPID!! I brought Riku and Sora out into the open knowing full well Leon could be close by..... I really just wanted to give those two a chance to enjoy themselves for awhile after being secluded for so long. They could have been killed...

Leon didn't try to hurt Sora.... though

Hmmm....

But he most definitely was trying to kill me... I'm not so sure he was trying to really shoot Riku at that time though. Because he fired twice.... so _quickly_....

Both of those bullets were _supposed_ to hit me....

It's because I slipped that the second one missed.

I wonder what Leon.... er.. Seifer would have done if he'd managed to kill me. Would he go on to kill Riku then?

I gathered my thoughts and asked.

"Any... word... on Leon?"

Whoo... that was... tiring....

Cloud looked sharply at me and I flinched. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that. Cloud frowned at me.

"That's right... you wouldn't know.... He's been captured."

I gaped.

"He.....has?" I breathed in shock. I sound like I have asthma.... Cloud nodded quickly a few times. He didn't look too happy though.

"Yeah.... he's been shot too. Ironic huh? A bartender at a bar in district 2 did it. Gun shot wound to the leg. Took him down..." Cloud snapped. "...like gravity to an apple falling from a tree."

I chuckled then frowned myself.

"So...?" I let my words linger.

"He's here. He's being treated here, in this hospital. He's up on the 10th floor. There are police and everything guarding the whole area. You can't even get on the 9th floor without authorization.

I nodded. Well... isn't that something? Why did I feel so relieved? This... could all be over.... So... Leon's been caught....? No final showdown between me, him, and police... Some trigger happy civilian had the guts to take him down.... I'm sure Leon didn't get to far after I injured him. So it's finally over then...? Right...?

What now...?

"It's been all hush, hush since he got here." Cloud said softly. "It's been all over the news that he's been caught though." Cloud stood up and stretched.

"I still need to talk to the Chief of police. They want to question all of us and hear our side of the story. Leon's being charged with kidnapping...that boy Tim..."

Cloud scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah... and attempted murder for you and Riku.... Plus the rapes... and the arson.... Nobody died in the fire amazingly.... then assault.... Oh yeah... Leon's going to jail...." Cloud said absently. I don't think he's trying to be funny. He just... probably doesn't even care anymore.

"At least.... I'd like for him to go to jail..." Cloud murmured and sat back down. He sighed again.

"What about murder? ....... I thought that Tim was found dead.?" I asked softly. Only had to pause once to say that.

Cloud closed his eyes.

"I'm... not completely sure about the whole thing with that. From what I was told though... Leon _didn't_ murder the boy like we thought...."

Cloud looked down at his hands and picked at his nails.

"Tim.... Eyewitnesses say they saw him jump off of the bridge.... He killed himself Seph..."

Cloud looked back up at me. But I didn't react this time. I was too surprised to do anything.

"His parents are here... They talked to Aeris... and she told me they found out Leon had raped him... during the autopsy they did..."

What the FUCK is up with Leon raping everyone?! Christ. He really is a sick bastard.... But.... that sounds like Seifer alright... He used to love doing that to Squall... Didn't matter where they were either....

"Tim's dad..." Cloud started again. I gave him my full attention. "He... man... he tried to strangle Leon the other day. Leon's unconscious... they said he slipped into a coma for 3 days.. came out of it.. and then Tim's dad broke into his room and started to choke the shit out of him... And the police _barely _tried to stop him!"

I blinked, notably faster this time. Whoa....

"There's been no word on a trial or anything yet. I already know you and Riku are going to have to testify in it though."

I nodded once. Yeah... that was true.

"But not until after you heal." Cloud said softly and leaned over to kiss me again, then again, and again. I felt my eyes droop, not from exhaustion, but from being so loved. It was nice to be missed like this.

"Your doctor told me to tell you he'd be in to see you later. He wants to talk to you once you're coherent enough."

I nodded again and at that moment a female doctor walked into the room. She smiled gently at me and walked over.

"Well hello there Mister Sephiroth." She said. I didn't respond to her with any sort of welcome. I was to busy staring at the needle in her hand.

I have... issues with needles. I glared at the nurse but she didn't see it.

"Good to see you up." She said. She was checking my heartbeat readouts and breathing patterns. I watched the lights and graphs go up and down on the machine for a moment. Unlike most people, who probably have no knowledge of how these machines work, I do. I knew exactly what the stats on each one meant. My blood pressure was a bit high....

"How are you feeling?" The nurse asked me absently. Cloud moved out of her way and sat on the other side of my bed.

I blinked and took a minute to reply. "....fine...." I said dully. The nurse smiled at me again.

"Well that's good." She pulled some things out of her pocket and sat them on a tray. I felt a sudden rush of anxiety.

"This is just a regular check up." She said in a soothing tone. Like I was a 6 year old or something. I felt myself sneer.

The nurse pulled out a cotton swab, some alcohol cleaning strips, one of those wooden Popsicle stick things, a petri-dish for getting a culture, a small bottle of clear fluid, and a vial with my name written across the label.

What... the hell was all of this...? I'd been shot, I wasn't sick!

"I need to take your temperature again." She said softly. I glared again when she pulled out the machine. Again she says....? Considering I'd been asleep for so many days... how had she managed to take it those other times....?

I grimaced and dismissed my mind of those sickening thoughts.

"Say 'aaah'." She whispered. I didn't and shot a vicious look at her and just opened my mouth. She smirked and kind of jabbed the thermometer under my tongue. I flinched and came really close to calling her something really rude.

I did not like this nurse.

She went to preparing the needle while my temp was taken. When the small machine beeped I took it out of my mouth myself. She tapped my hand and 'tsked' me.

"Ah ah, you're supposed to be resting."

Again I glared. I heard Cloud laugh softly behind me.

"99.5... Not bad... still a bit feverish. It should come down in a few hours since you're still resting."

She then reached over me and turned up what ever was being pumped up my nose. I coughed slightly from the sudden change and my eyes watered.

"Relax, it's just a bit of different fluids to keep you from getting dehydrated."

Like I didn't know that already. I'm pretty sure I can chew just fine.

This women.... oh.... if only I wasn't so high on this medicine I'd get up and throw her out of my room. I'm... really irritable right now.... for some reason...

She went back to preparing the needle, oblivious to my growing dislike for her. I bit my bottom lip and sat up a bit. She turned to me again and gave me this warning look.

That was it.

"I said I was fine. I can move on my own."

I could talk at a regular speed again. My voice was still really soft though. The nurse eyed me for a moment.

"You need to rest." She said pointedly.

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing? Christ.... If me moving bothers you so much feel free to get the hell out."

I know I was being rude... I couldn't seem to stop myself... It _has_ to be this medicine....

"Mister Sephiroth... I'm only trying to..."

"Treat me like a child." I said icily, finishing her sentence..

"Sir." She said again. I shook my head.

"Forget it." I hissed and laid back down. I sat and watched her while she continued on for a minute. Then she was ready to give me that injection. I recoiled sharply and sat up.

"What is that?" I pointed to the contents of the needle. The nurse repressed a glare at me. I refused to cooperate until she told me what she was about to shoot into me. If it was more methane I didn't want it, I didn't want to feel all light and fluttery anymore.

"It's just something to help you sleep."

"I've been asleep for _6_ days. I'd _like_ to stay up for a while." I explained and inched even further away from her. She had her hand ready to grab my arm. My injured arm lay limply at my side in it's sling.

"It'll help with the pain." She tried to sound soothing but she was starting to grit her teeth.

"I'm _not_ in any pain." I retorted.

"Well... you might be later." She said. I sat up to my full height. That kind of sounded like a threat.

"When I do _feel_ like I'm dying I'll be sure to let you know. Now tell me what's in the needle."

"_You_ wouldn't understand." She tried to rub in.

I raised an eyebrow. "And apparently you don't _understand_ either. I don't want, what ever that is, shot into me. If you poke me with that needle I swear to God I'll smack you to the other side of this room."

"Seph..." I heard Cloud say softly, his voice sounding shocked.

The nurse lowered her hand and glared hatefully at me.

"Are you threatening me?" She said in a hostile tone. I raised an eyebrow, as if she couldn't figure that out on her own.

"You are _not_ a doctor. I was ordered to do this by one of our specialists."

"And neither are _you_....Nurse..." I looked at her badge. "Kara Anderson! Tell your _specialist _that he can kiss my ass! I know what's in that needle and if you give it to me I could have a heart attack!"

I _know_ it's more methane in that needle and I know _why_ they're trying to give so much to me....

I'm in trouble...

Fuck that....

"Goodbye." I said coolly to the nurse and watched her mentally battle with herself between staying, and getting the fuck beat out of, or leaving and reporting me. She chose to run.

Good little nurse.

She snatched up her tools and almost sprinted for the door. Cloud closed it behind her and turned back to me. He looked pretty upset.

"Seph... what the hell was that all about?"

I flopped back down onto my pillow and closed my eyes. How could I explain this one...? I never even got around to telling Cloud about my past... outside of knowing Squall and Seifer....

"Not... now Cloud... I just... didn't want the shot okay..." That was somewhat true too. I really didn't like needles... I have a kind of phobia of them....

Cloud was sitting next to me again.

"Seph....?" Cloud whispered and I thought he was trying to force me to tell him anyway. I opened my eyes and frowned at him but it faltered. He was smiling and shaking his head.

"You're hopeless.... Okay, fine, I'll wait until later for a logical and I'm sure very rational

explanation."

I smiled beside myself at how patient Cloud could be with me. I was feeling suddenly tired again and slumped heavily into my pillow. For a time, only the steady and reassuring sound of various life machines was heard. I tried to zone out all of the others and focus solely on Riku's. I could hear his gentle breathes over the sounds of beeps and clicks and started to be lulled to sleep. Cloud had moved closer to me again and was tenderly running his hands through my hair.

"Rest." He said softly. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sleep.

------

Cloud

------

heavy sigh

I am.... really sick and tired of being in this hospital. I want to go home, with Seph, Riku, and Sora right behind me. I've always hated hospitals. I'll never get the smell of antiseptics out of my skin... my hair... my minds eye...

I stumbled across the morgue today. FUCK! I was so mad at myself for that. It just happens to be on the same floor as the Critical Care rooms. What the hell's with that?

I... I guess many critical care patients don't make it.... through the first few nights... Thinking back to 6 days ago.... I didn't think Riku would either. When they finally let me into see him, he was so pale he looked blue. Under this pale florescent light.... he looked like a dead body. I was afraid to go any closer at first. The doctor kept assuring me that he was alive and stable. I was so freaked out... I could barely breathe...

Sora went in with me. But unlike me, he was too relieved to be worried. He ran to Riku and took his hand so eagerly, cradling it to his cheek and starting to sob. He looked up at me, tears sparkling in his bright blue eyes and said almost breathlessly;

"He's warm."

In any other situation, that notion would have been silly. But I felt crushing pressure lift from my lungs and heart at Sora's gentle words.

Thank you God, Buddha, Allah, Shiva, Bahamut, Ifrit, anyone who cares to listen....

Just... thank you...

Seeing Seph was an entirely different episode altogether. This is how I know I'm truly in love with him. Riku's like my kid brother. I felt like a piece of me died after he was hurt. But Seph... is my heart. When I saw him right out of surgery the first time, he was awake, and slightly coherent. The feeling of seeing him alive nearly floored me and I had to brace myself on the wall.

He was watching me, trying to clear his mind of the drugs clouding them. When I sat next to him to he just watched me absently. I couldn't help but laugh. He looked so dazed. He gave me a lazy smile but didn't say anything. I don't think the medicine he was pumped with let him exercise his motor skills too well.

Up to this point I'd managed to keep from crying. But the wave of emotion hit me so hard I could stifle the sob that forced it's way up my throat. I'm glad we were alone. Seph was in a room by himself after his first surgery. I wanted to hug him so hard, and never let go. But I couldn't get so touchy with him right after the operation. His body was too vulnerable for that. So... I just put my hand to his heart, and felt it thump steadily against my palm.

I didn't move for a long time, and after a while, our hearts beat in unison.

I thought after that, everything would be fine. I didn't concern myself or my attention to anything but Seph and Riku. I went back and forth between rooms every other hour to keep tabs on them. Sora hadn't moved from his spot next to Riku. He even slept there.

Riku didn't have any more episodes and spent the passing days recovering. He was doing really well. I remember one of the doctors saying he had a strong will to live. That he wouldn't give in without a fight. Cid was so right, Riku was a fighter.

My nerves had calmed considerably and I allowed myself a moment to think about other things.... Namely Leon.

The fact that he was here, in the same hospital, only feet above me, left a weird daze around me. In the back of my mind I wished he would just slip away in the middle of the night. Put this whole mess to a definite end. If Leon were dead... all our lives would be better. But I had to stop myself and really think hard on that notion....

Who am I to wish death on someone? I've been way too close to it in the last few days... I shouldn't be fucking around like that....

What if Leon dies anyway? I don't know how bad his injury is. I just know he got shot.

Karma... it's a bitch really. I'm sure Seph having injured him before played a big role in him getting caught. Other wise.... I doubt he would have ever been caught... by anyone _but _Seph.

About that by the way.... It's been bothering me lately, but Seph seems to have a secret life I don't know about. I didn't think too much on it at first, but the way he tosses around his authority, and _actually_ has people listen to him, makes me wonder. First was that moment with the cop back at Aeriss' place. I thought the guy was afraid of Seph at first.... thinking back on it now, he seemed almost to be acknowledging his status, but was surprised to see him there. Then the shocking moment back at the parade. Seph _threatened_ a police officer, demanded an ambulance rush over, and he actually got what he wanted!

I most definitely have to ask about this later.

I have to say.... I'm glad with the way things turned out. Not with the Riku and Seph getting shot and nearly dying part... but with Leon being in custody. I have a strange and terrible feeling this could have ended much worse. Like with both Seph and Leon killing each other in a heated final battle...

I should be relaxing.... I should be... happy... but I'm not. I don't know what to feel right now. I'm frustrated, annoyed, bitter, ecstatic, confused. I'm a muddle of emotions. The only ones I can grasp are a heavy sense of relief and dread though.

But I've got to keep my cool and be rational. I can't start flipping out and demanding things regarding Leon right now. I'm sure I'll find out his deal soon enough.

"Um... Mr. Cloud Stife?"

I looked up from the pop machine, I'd been standing there for at least 10 minutes, still undecided about which flavor to pick. A police officer, a young one, was walking up to me.

Speak of the devil.

"Yeah." I said softly and finally picked a cola to sip on. The officer greeted me kindly and waited for me to obtain and drink some of my soda before he started to speak.

"Um... this is sort of short notice, and we know you've gone through a pretty difficult time, but we'd like to ask you a few questions about the shootings if that's okay."

Of course it was okay.

"No problem. Where do you want me to begin?"

The young cop smiled and nodded, a pen and clipboard in his hand.

"Right, um, could you follow me please, there's a room we can talk privately in."

We started to walk. Riku and Seph lingered on my mind. Like I said... I couldn't think about anything else. I forced them aside though and started to recap on everything that had happened so I could give the police accurate information.

"First question, what's your relationship with LeonHeart, if any?"

I blinked, grabbing onto my answer, and started to talk.

"Well.... at one time, I called him a friend, then a lover....."

This was going to be extremely difficult....

------

Sora

------

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep_.......

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep_.......

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep_.......

"Riku...."

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep_.......

"This.... little machine... It's all that's keeping you here right now huh?..."

I blinked slowly, felt my eyes water, they were dry. I hadn't moved, barely shifted, blinked, or spoken in a long time. I didn't have anything to say.

I was ignoring everybody else. Cloud especially. I was afraid he'd go off on me... for leading Riku away from safety like that.... And Sephiroth... I keep expecting him to hit me.... not that I don't deserve to be....

If Riku dies....

It's my fault....

If Sephiroth is paralyzed.... it's my fault....

I'm the reason they got shot....

I'm the reason.... all of this happened....

My voice was soft and somewhat scratchy. It had been six days since I even attempted to whisper. I felt like talking to Riku now, even though he was asleep, even though I knew he couldn't hear me....

I had to apologize...

"Riku...."

I shifted and brought my hand up to brush his hair out of his face. He never moved while he slept. He was as still as a.... I won't say it.... But he just slept so peacefully...

"I'm so sorry... for _everything_... for _hurting_ you... for.. _hating_ you.... for...."

I swallowed.

"My love was so twisted... I don't know what's wrong with me... I kept blaming you for my misfortune, for my problems, for my weakness... And all along.... it was my own fault... because I didn't have the confidence, because I was afraid to try...."

I felt the sting of tears and my throat got tight....

"Because I didn't want to take responsibility for my own fuck ups..."

I had to pause and repress a sob. I made my whole body shake.

"I should be the one lying here, barely clinging to life.... Not you... not... Sephir.... Seph..."

I let out a pained laugh.

"Seph.... I like that better then Sephiroth. Did you give that nick name to him?" I blinked away tears and ran my fingers over Riku's cheek. They were blushed over in a nice healthy pink again. That made me feel better. It meant blood was flowing through his body well again.

"He saved your live didn't he. He saved... all of our lives... and how did I repay him for wanting to help us... I was rude and disrespectful... I hated him without even knowing him..."

Half of the next sob broke free and I had to bury my face in the sheets.

"Riku.... please.... wake up... I want to see your eyes, hear your voice.... I can't.... I can't repent for my sins until _you_ hear me apologize... Until you forgive me... I'll do _anything_...!"

I took Riku's limp hand in mine but didn't look up. I couldn't let anyone hear me crying right now. My voice was so tangled with emotions I doubt anything I said made sense.

For long moments I just sat there crying into the sheets. It hurt. It was a pain like I'd never felt before. It coursed all over my body. But it wasn't enough. I had to hurt more... I had to suffer...

I want.... to just die....

I'm a terrible person....

I should have been the body that washed up on the river bank... not Tim. Not the innocent boy who only tried to help. Not the boy who saved Aeris's life.

Tim, his parents, Aeris.... they're all mourning his death... when they shouldn't be... If I'd only tried to help more... instead of being so fucking selfish....

Someone was dead because of me!

I should...

I froze and sat up quickly, looking down at the hand wrapping it's fingers weakly around my mine. I had to hold my breath, to feel the pain that lack of oxygen caused, to be sure I wasn't dreaming.

Again and again the fingers tightened, weakly at first, then stronger until they were secure.

Riku was mumbling and trying to turn his head slowly. Eyes still closed. He shifted his whole body and groped around absently with his free hand. I eagerly clasped it, waiting for anymore movements from him.

It was like... watching a baby take it's first breath.

"Sora....?" Riku's voice was barely a whisper but I heard it as if he'd yelled it.

My name. So beautiful the way he said it.

"I'm right here, Riku."

He reacted to my voice and turned to look my way, eyes still shut tight.

"Sora...?" He said again. I kissed the backs of his hands.

"Yes." I said breathlessly. I felt like doing back flips I was so ecstatic.

Riku was waking up!

Barely, just enough to see the aqua of his eyes, Riku peeked at me. He seemed to be having the hardest time. I waited patiently. Eagerly. Still holding my breath.

"....The paupo...."

I nodded, waiting.

"....Did... you...." Riku sighed. " ....see....?"

"Yes!" I gasped happily, a smile coming to my face, tears leaking down my cheeks.

"...pretty..." He slurred.

I faltered. Wait....

"....pretty...." He said again and went limp in my hands.

My heart seemed to stop for a minute and I could only stare wide eyed.

Wait... Wait!

Riku.... don't!!!

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep_.......

The strangle hold on my heart relented and I suddenly felt like fainting.

I thought.... I thought Riku had...That he was... He only went back to sleep....

Sleep.

He was sleeping.

Oh my God....

Breathe Sora, breathe....

I felt the twinges of a panic attack ebb away and for a moment I could only sit there and stare at Riku's face again.

I wiped away my tears and looked around the room. I jumped beside myself when I noticed Seph.... staring at me.

How long had he been awake? How much had he heard?

He didn't say anything to me and just kept staring. I wonder what he was thinking of me at that moment. I wouldn't be too surprised if he was hating me right now.

I let out a somewhat frightened and forced laugh.

"I'm.... sorry... I didn't mean to wake you..." I stuttered. Still he didn't say anything. I felt my nerves go on alert. His look was so intense... I felt like I couldn't get away.

"Um... Cloud went to get... a soda or something... he said he'd... be back soon..."

Again, Sephiroth said nothing.

"I'm sorry..." I said again. Not for possibly waking him.... but for everything.

"Why are you apologizing to _me_?" He said softly. His words startled me though.

I was confused and didn't know how to answer.

"Because.... I... Because this is..."

"_Your_ fault?"

I lowered my head. Even he knew who was really to blame.

"Did you rape Riku?"

I looked up quickly. Sephiroth didn't give me time to answer though.

"Did you kidnap and rape that boy?"

"I...."

"Did you shoot Riku and me?"

"....no... but...."

"Then why are you blaming yourself?"

I was getting frustrated. I pushed my chair away from Riku's bed and stood up.

"I... I don't...."

"Can't answer that?"

"...Yes... because..."

"Then don't feel guilty."

"But...."

"You didn't make Leon do all of those things."

"No I didn't.... but...!"

I was almost yelling now.

"Then I'll ask again; Why are you blaming yourself?"

I clamped my mouth shut and felt angry tears stream from my eyes. I don't was so mad now.... because I couldn't answer his questions.

Because he was right.

I was supposed to be punishing myself. He was telling me I shouldn't be.

"You're still a child. You'll understand someday though. But Sora, people are responsible for their own actions. If you go around taking on everyone's burdens, you'll never be able to be happy. You'll never be able to live. Squall chose himself to stay with Seifer, even though he was abused. Seifer chose to hit Squall, even though he knew it was wrong. Leon chose to shoot Riku and me, even though he knew it was wrong. You wished Riku to be hurt, even though you _knew_ it was.... malicious."

I gaped. How did he...? He'd heard us that night?

"In every persons mind we trick ourselves into believing bad things are justified if we have a good reason to do them. We do them knowing how it can benefit us. Sometimes it's for another person that we do things we know to be wrong. Take on the burden of your _own _mistakes, not others, if you try to apologize for everyone, you'll fall apart, So stop it, while you still can. It's because of that, that Leon was able to manipulate you in the first place."

I choked and forced myself to say. "Because of what?"

Sephiroth gave me a critical look before he sighed and turned away. I had to strain my ears to hear what he said.

"Riku was right.... you _are_ _too_ nice..."

And I understood everything with those few words.

Be true to yourself.

If someone hurts you, don't trick yourself into believing they had a good reason, by doing so, you take on their mistakes, you help them further justify their screw ups.

But don't be cruel. Take pity, but don't feel sorry.

Is that.... what he meant... about Leon?

Don't forgive.... just understand....

And never forget.

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Author's Notes:

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I'm going to end this chapter there. It felt like it was starting to drag a bit. Seph and Riku are fine. You guys didn't _really_ think I was going to let them die did you??!! (Is shocked that you would think so). And considering Seph and Cloud haven't gotten any love making time yet. No. Way. :D BUUUUT this story is very far from ending. I came up with a new arc. 'Cause I love you guys, and you rule, and make me giggle as well as happy with your reviews. I feel this chapter is a kind of a up to this point chapter. How the characters feel, and it's psyching you up for what's to come. Sora's about to do something... radical, NOT try to kill himself. Lol, that's to obvious. Cloud will spill his guts about all that's happened, And you'll get to meet one of Seph's relatives, a returning character from a previous chapter, as well as his roommate. Then Riku finally wakes up. His reaction to Sora.... is.... different Okay, I'm done. I'll get started on the next chapter soon here. :D


	21. Chapter 21

--None of the Characters belong to me. © Square Soft

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Chapter 21

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Pretty little doll....

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Cloud

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I wasn't really sure how detailed or personal my answers had to be. But I was on a roll, the words just flying out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I was tired of the secrets, the manipulation, the lies. I just wanted everything out in the open. The police officer was waiting patiently for me to continue, my obvious sexual preference didn't seem to bother him. I was glad about that, even in this day and age people still have issues with homosexuality...

So... yeah.... He'd asked me about my relationship with Leon. I started from the beginning. I'd known Leon for... a while now... almost 3 years. We weren't super best friends or anything. I wouldn't even go as far as to call us buddies. We just.... got along, understood each other on some levels, didn't on others. I knew the guy was there when I needed him, and vice versa.

While I spilled my guts, something I'd never noticed before became almost shockingly apparent.

I _didn't _know a damn _thing_ about Leon.

Or **who **he really was.

Where he came from. His likes and dislikes. Hell.... I didn't even know when his birthday was.

So the question, what was my relationship with him, suddenly became much harder to answer.

"Mr. Strife... you don't have go into detail or anything." The officer said. I shook my head slightly, dead set on being a critical thinker about my answer.

"We were.... friends to some extent. Then.... after a while we started.... not dating just....seeing each other on a random but regular basis..."

That was a start.

"It lasted for about... 4 months. We'd have dinner together, and talk...." I shook my head again and smiled slightly. "....well **I** would talk anyway. And.... we were sleeping together..."

I paused and stared at the can of soda sitting next to me. I could hear the liquid contents fizzing and bubbling against the tin of the can. A droplet of water on the outside of the can slide down onto the table, mixing with the other droplets that had gathered there.

"But it wasn't love... I mean, I cared about Leon, he had his good qualities. I never wanted to see the guy hurt or anything. But it was just... casual.... our relationship... casual sex... yeah..."

Oh my god... That just sounded so horrible.

I cleared my throat and waited for the officer to finish typing up what I was saying. I realized he hadn't had the clipboard to take notes. The clipboard had a set of papers on it, my background information. I could see an old photo, a copy from my ID, paper clipped to the top of the stack.

Was I being interrogated?

I frowned.

"Okay...." The police officer said. I realized then that I didn't know his name.

"What's your name?" I asked, looking the young guy dead in the eyes. He looked up from the laptop screen and smiled. I noticed he had really clear hazel colored eyes. Looking at him even closer now I could see he had a really smooth curvy face. The face of a _boy_. He couldn't be that much older then **me**.

He was.... um pretty cute.

"Oh, sorry about that. I'm Daniel Tippet."

I smiled and kept staring into this eyes. He raised an eyebrow and smirked at me.

What was that hmm?

While he edited some things I asked another question.

"How old are you? You seem pretty young to be on the force."

Officer Daniel kept typing and looked at me again.

"I'm 22."

Whoa.

"I'm the youngest." He stopped typing and flipped through some papers. "I'm still in training... so I don't get to do much field work. I get to do lots of office stuff instead. This is my first real case."

I blinked. I hadn't expected him to tell me all of that. "Oh." Was all I could think to say.

Daniel chuckled. "Next question. Did you ever notice any strange behavior exhibited by Mr. LeonHeart before now?"

I frowned and started to think about that. Then I closed my eyes and frowned harder.

Now that I think about it... sometimes Leon _did_ act strange. Strange for him anyway. Leon doesn't talk much, and even when he does, his sentences were short, to the point, and very monotone. And another thing about Leon, he_ didn't _swear much. I'd heard him say the occasional 'damn' or 'fuck' or something.... But other then that he didn't curse at all. Then there were sometimes that he'd talk about things I didn't even know he was _interested_ in.

Like... **women**.

I'd always just assumed he was gay, not bi. I heard him talk about girls he'd slept with sometimes. But I can almost promise I'd never seen a female, besides Aeris and Yuffie, step into his house. I can actually remember the name of one girl he talked about a lot.

Rinoa...

I think that was it. Not sure about her last name. Yeah, he talked about that girl a lot. But not in a good way. I winced just thinking about some of the vulgar things he used to say about that girl.

One specific conversation that made me really feel sorry for Rinoa, and made me hope Leon had just been lying. He was talking about a time they'd had sex.... and how forceful he'd been with her. How she'd cried and begged him to stop.... To stop hurting her. Leon used the words, uterus stabbing, and face fucking more then a few times. He said he'd made her _bleed_...

-shudder-

Another thing I knew about Leon, he didn't talk about people. He didn't seem to give a shit about others enough to waste time actually talking about them.

So this was kind of weird.

There was another thing... Leon seemed to have a weird fetish for younger boys.

I winced, suddenly realizing something that was right in my face too late.

__

Much too late...

More then once I'd seen Leon bring home a boy that looked barely over 16. I remember him telling me that the younger ones were more willing to do anything he said. They would submit quicker, couldn't fight back if he wanted to get a little rough. They lasted longer. Gave better head and actually liked to do it more. Then he said they liked to be fucked all of the time, anytime and anywhere. And that they'd be too scared to say anything about it later....

I had to repress a pained shiver.

Oh.... My.... God....

I covered my mouth and closed my eyes. Suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

Leon had.... **told **me.... he got off on _raping_ young boys....

This was **_long_** before any of this mess with Riku and Sora ever happened. And I'd _known_ all along. The clues, the evidence, the signs were all there right in my face!

How could I have missed that?

Why wasn't I suspicious....? Especially since both Riku and Sora fit his preferred age demographic. Since they were both **_living _**with him.

And Leon had practically _admitted_ to raping Sora from the beginning!

Christ.... and Sora _hid_ it so well!

Because he was terrified... Just like Leon said.

I bit my bottom lip.

"Mr. Strife are you okay?" Daniel asked, concerning evident in his tone. Yeah, you could tell this was his first time. He was too overly concerned.

"You look a bit pale..."

I took a silent breath and reached for my drink. "I'm fine." I said, putting on a mask. I had to persevere. No matter how disturbing this would be, no matter how many revelations I discovered.

I _would_ tell **everything**.

So I did. And I mentally cursed myself for being so oblivious. Officer Daniel looked surprised by what I told him. I guess he hadn't been expecting something so concrete. So painstakingly obvious.

Leon was a rapist and he premeditated acting out on the rapes too.

I wonder if they know about Leon's mental disorder yet.

I wonder if they'd leave it up to me to explain that...

"Mr. Strife..." Officer Daniel suddenly looked at me very seriously and I felt myself tense. Gone was his concerned and curious expression. In its place now lay a harsh and somewhat confused glare.

"If you noticed strange behavior as well as heard out of place comments from LeonHeart, **why** didn't you do anything to remove those two boys out of a such a dangerous situation?"

I blinked, lost, dazed, and guilty.

Why hadn't I?

Because... I just hadn't noticed... Because I'd been blind...

Because I was just plain **stupid**.

"I don't know." I said softly. "Wait..." I looked up and sighed heavily. "...It's not that... Okay, it's true, Leon said those things, but the way he said it, his tone.... It just sounded like a bunch of **BS** you know... You know how guys are. It's like someone at a bar bragging and boasting about how many young and sexy girls he banged 3 hours ago..."

I was getting a headache for some strange reason. I'd just... fucked this up so badly.

"So you really didn't think twice about what LeonHeart could have meant by saying those things? You thought he was joking around. It _never_ crossed your mind that he could be molesting the minors living with him?"

"**No**." I said sternly and truthfully. Like I said, Leon never did anything physically to cause me to be suspicious. It's true I saw him dating and sleeping with younger guys, but that was none of my business. And couple that with the fact that his partners never looked scared or unwilling in my eyes. **How** the hell.... or better yet, **_why _**the hell would I suspect Leon of raping and molesting Riku and Sora?

"Next question." Officer Daniel said. I gave him a surprised look. I thought he'd question me further about what I'd just told him.

"How did you find out about the rapes?"

I sighed. "Riku.... No wait, Aeris told me."

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "Miss Gainsborough?" He noted this on his keyboard. I nodded absently.

"She just came right out and told you?" The officer asked without looking up at me. The clicking of his keyboard sent me into a daze.

"No... I think... I think it was a month or so... not sure anymore... after Riku was raped. But I _hadn't _known he'd been raped at the time. Riku went off on Aeris and she came to me explain why he did."

"He went off on her...?" Daniel let the question hang.

"Oh...." I licked my lips. "Riku works at the 7th Heaven, the restaurant that I co-own with Aeris."

click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click

I closed my eyes. I had the sudden feeling that I should stop talking. Something about this seemed wrong.

"And how did Miss Gainsborough know about the rape?"

Should I really answer that? I gave the officer a wide eyed stare. He looked back at me absently.

"She... she knew about Sora's rape she said. She told me she sensed a change in Riku. This was a little while after the rapes, after I'd taken Riku and Sora in. Aeris decided to tell Riku she knew about Sora. But that she hadn't known he'd already found out about Sora being raped by Leon. Riku got really upset, went off on her, and stormed out in the middle of his shift. Aeris came to me later that night and told me everything."

I took a deep shuddery breath.

"So Gainsborough knew the whole time. Not just about LeonHeart, but about the rape. And she never reported it or attempted to take the boys out of the house."

I just sat still. If I nodded I'd be agreeing with him... Even though it was true what he said. Aeris really had known all along and she didn't do anything or tell anyone about it until it was too late.

I suddenly had the feeling that Aeris was in deep trouble. She'd be held responsible for never reporting the rapes in the _first _place. Oh dear god....

"What made you decide to move Riku and Sora in with you?" Officer Daniel was flipping through some papers and I noticed Riku's and Sora's background papers spread out in front of him. They had very little history.

"I told you, I didn't find out about the rapes right away. But from what Riku told me, the day after he was raped, Sora came and asked me if he and Riku could come and live with me. Naturally I questioned why. Not because I didn't want them to come stay with me, but because it was so sudden. It had been their idea to live with Leon in the first place."

I scratched my head, now somewhat nervous. I had to be careful how I said things from now on.

"They... just told me Riku got into a fight with Leon. That explained the bruises he had. Sora simply said they just needed to get away and that he would explain later. Later came about 2 months afterwards. Naturally I was suspicious. But I didn't know how to bring up a conversation asking why Riku and Sora had been so eager to move."

The ominous clicking of keys filled the small room for a few seconds. I felt a chill run up my spine and I suddenly want to flee from the room. The typing stopped and for a long uncomfortable moment there was silence. I looked up in confusion.

"So these boys have been with you since the incident."

Officer Daniel wasn't asking a question. I could tell by his tone of voice.

"You aren't their legal guardians?" He asked looking up at me. I shook my head and felt my jaw clench.

Oh... my... God... Sora and Riku are going to get taken away from us...

"You were planning on adopting these boys?"

I blinked several times at the question. It was a thought... that _hadn't_ crossed my mind.

"Um...." I started. I didn't really know what to say.

"It says you applied for legal guardian-ship right here." Daniel gave me a calculating stare. I simply nodded, agreeing with his on screen data. Even though I had no clue what he was talking about.

"The child named Riku will be 18 in a few months it says. But the boy named Sora is only 16. The man you put down as your spouse, Sephiroth, applied to adopt him."

My eyes went wide and I quickly lowered my head. I was in shock, I was relieved, and I was mad all at the same time.

Seph had never spoken to me about _that_. Adopting Sora. Even though it was probably the smartest thing to do... He could have mentioned it to me first.

"Are you alright Mr. Strife?"

I looked up and smiled slightly. It was forced and fake. I was ready for this questioning to be over.

"Are we done?" I said a bit bitterly. I didn't try to hide my frustration and looked sternly into Officer Daniel's eyes. He looked down at his clipboard, then he looked back up at me.

"Yes, for now sir. But I'll need to speak to you again soon to get your side of the shooting incident."

I nodded and started to stand but I had a few more questions for the officer.

"Was I being interrogated?"

The boy looked at me with blank expression on his face. I sighed, thinking he wasn't going to answer.

"We just needed to hear your side of the story sir. We've already questioned Miss Gainsborough...."

I gaped.

"...Her story parallels yours."

I sighed in relief but started to worry again instantly.

"Is.... Aeris in trouble... For never reporting the rapes at first I mean?" I bit my bottom lip while I waited for the officers reply.

"Considering the circumstances, Gainsborough will not be charged for neglecting the children and reporting the rapes. She feared for her life which is common in situations like this."

I nodded in understanding. But that left a bitter taste in my mouth. I'd never really gotten the chance to reprimand Aeris for keeping something so serious a secret from all of us. She could have told me and Cid at least. There would have been no way Leon could have taken both of us on.

....Don't start blaming people again Cloud. I scolded to myself silently. I didn't need internal conflicts right now. Had to keep my head clear of all evil thoughts.

I reached for my half empty can of pop and pushed in my chair. I was about to turn around to leave when another question popped into my head.

"...What's Leon's condition? Is he... alright?"

Officer Daniel gave me a confused and barely hidden look of surprise. I guess he couldn't believe I was worrying about the man that almost murdered two of my loved ones.

"I'm not at liberty to say Mr. Strife." He said after a pause. I nodded absently, already realizing he wouldn't answer that question in the first place. I turned on my heel and left the room. Stepping out into the semi crowded hospital hallway, into the green tinted fluorescent lights, suddenly made me feel sick and dizzy. I saw spots before my eyes briefly and swayed on my feet. It took me a minute to get my bearings straight and I walked slowly back to Seph's room. The sudden shock of not seeing him or Riku in the room made my mind go completely blank. Anything I had to ask or tell Seph about the questioning vanished with the sudden twist of my stomach and I got violently ill. I threw up right in the door way.

My soda can clattered to the floor and the coppery colored liquid sprayed everywhere.

My heart seemed to stop beating and I sank to the floor. A doctor came up behind me and started asking if I was okay. I couldn't think, my mind running rampant, my vision blurry.

"Where....?" I gasped and tried to stand up. I couldn't make the room stop spinning. I covered my mouth but it was futile because I threw up again. I heard the doctor that was trying to help me call to someone else.

"Please sir, come this way. You're really sick." It was a mans voice. I gripped onto the door frame to Riku and Seph's room.

"Where are they!?" I snapped and felt myself gag, about to vomit again. The doctor let me slide to the floor his hand rubbing soothingly at my back.

"Relax. They're fine."

I looked into the mans face as best as I could. The area swayed for a minute but I could make out a handsome face, glasses, brown almost red colored eyes, framed in long black hair.

This was a **_doctor_**?

I heaved again and this time there was no splatter on the floor. I gasped and gagged for a second before I realized I'd just puked all over the man standing in front of me.

"...I am.... so... sorry...." I covered my mouth in utter shame and embarrassment and tried to stand up. The floor looked like it rushed up to meet me. I closed my eyes.

"It's alright." I heard a soft chuckle. "I'm... used to it.... sadly. Third time today. Working with children and all...."

I let out a nervous half choke, half chuckle.

I can't believe I just did that.

"Riku and Sephiroth are perfectly fine. They've just been moved to another room."

I blinked hard and slowly as his words sunk in.

Moved to another room? Who is this guy?

"Are you alright now? Think you can stand?" The doctor asked me. I looked at the floor for a few minutes, staring at the puddles of puke I'd made. I shivered and ran my hands over my face and through my hair.

"...Ye... yeah..." I stuttered and used the wall as my brace to stand up. I wasn't sure why I felt so sick so suddenly. I was so worried.... It was affecting my health now.

"You're burning up." The doctor who'd been helping me had placed his palm against my forehead. I leaned into his touch. It was nice and cool.

"You may have the flu." He said softly. His voice concerned. I nodded in agreement not really realizing what he was saying.

"I'm going to get you checked into a room so I can take a look at you okay." The soft spoken doctor said gently to me. I blinked again, staring at him. He'd turned away from me and was talking to a nurse who'd just suddenly appeared. He took off his lab coat and handed it to the nurse. She was nodding vigorously at what ever he was telling her. I stared at the back of the mans head, watching the light bounce of his extremely soft looking deep black hair. He turned around abruptly and smiled.

"Sorry, I was about to go on my break, get a few hours of sleep before my next shift. It's been very hectic around here."

I squinted. Did... did all the doctors here look this good?

"The flu is running rampant this time of year. Many children were admitted with it today."

We were walking now. Very slowly. I watched open doors fly by my vision and I tried to look into the rooms to catch a glimpse of Seph or Riku. I didn't see them at all by the time we'd reached the elevators.

I cringed and felt my stomach do flips. The doctor laughed softly and let me lean on him.

"We can take the stairs. It's only one floor down." He said and we headed for a door in the far corner of the area we were in. The walk was short and brisk and the next thing I knew I was getting examined by a female nurse. She took my temperature. I had fever of 101.3. She checked my breathing, took my blood pressure, then did a culture on me.

"Mr. Strife." The nurse called. I looked absently at her. She looked familiar. I think she was the same nurse who'd given me the sleeping pills the first night we'd come to the hospital.

"Is your body sore or aching anywhere?"

I nodded without checking first. I'd been feeling achy for days now.

"Patient exhibits all signs related to the virus." The nurse said absently and wrote something on a clipboard. She then turned and handed me a cup of something warm, milky white looking and mint scented.

"Drink that." She ordered gently. I did as I was told and immediately regretted it. A bitter shiver ran down my body from the horrible taste of... this tar thick milk I'd just downed.

"Gluh..." I gagged. "What... -cough- what hell was that?... Gah..."

"It's for your stomach." She simply stated, a slight chuckle in her tone. I frowned and let another disgusted chill scamper down my spine. I was very cold for some reason but my face was burning up. The nurse was holding my arm gently out away from my body. I smelled alcohol briefly then I saw a needle. Before I could react or even scream in pain the nurse was putting a band aid over the place she'd just poked me at.

"Your husbands in room 441. Try and get some rest." She said gently and before I could blink she was gone.

Did she just say my _husband_?

Absently I got up and hobbled to the elevator. When the doors closed, me inside, I leaned heavily against the wall. A dull ache made it's way up my arm and I was suddenly very tired. The chime of the elevator doors opening spurred me forward and walked slowly down the long wide hallway, staring at room numbers.

"441... Is that what she said...?" The numbers came up as another patient on crutches moved out my way. I looked into the room and a weak smile spread across my face.

"Here you are..." I mumbled and went into the room. Seph was sitting up in bed, his blanket tossed aside, bare, slender, and perfectly toned legs dangling off of the bed side.

"Where are you going?" I asked before sitting down heavily in a chair in the corner. Seph gave me a concerned look.

"You don't look so good." He whispered. I nodded a few times and winced. I shouldn't do that....

"They said... I have the flu... I got a shot.... Need to rest."

Seph raised an eyebrow then he frowned.

"They gave you medicine and let you walk around on your own?" He sounded upset. I waved my hand dismissively

"It's okay... I'm okay... I'm just tired." I sighed and sank back into my chair. My eyes drooped. "So where are you going again...?" I asked blankly.

I heard the bed creak and the shuffling of sheets. I forced my eyes open. Seph was lying down now and staring at me.

"Nowhere." He whispered. "I just came from the bathroom...."

I chuckled. "You know, you shouldn't be up and walking around so soon?"

I heard Seph scoff. "It's my arm that's injured, not my legs."

I smiled. "Sexy legs..." I cooed. Seph laughed softly and pulled back the blanket to look at his legs. They were long, slender, and lean. His calf muscle tightened when he pointed his toes. His legs were pretty hairless too. Don't ask me why...

"Tease..." I murmured. Seph covered himself back up and went to lean against his pillow. I saw him wince and I was instantly up on my feet. He looked up at me in surprise.

"I'm alright... I just keep forgetting to be careful with my arm." He consoled me gently and pointed at my chair, indicating I should sit. I sat down again, closed my eyes and yawned. I was exhausted.

"How high was your fever?" I heard Seph ask. I didn't try to open my eyes this time and just whispered my reply.

"101... something..." I felt my head drop quickly to the side.

I opened my eyes for a second and watched Seph absently play in his hair with his uninjured hand. Then he settled back into his pillows and yawned slightly.

"You can go home you know." I heard him say softly.

I was suddenly **very** awake.

"Huh? Why? No way, not without...." My mouth snapped shut from the stern look Seph was giving me. I'd almost been yelling.

"You're sick, Cloud." He blinked slowly and spoke patiently. "I'm fine now. There's no reason for you to keep sitting around in the hospital all day everyday like this. You need to rest."

I blinked and instantly argued back. "What about Riku?"

One of Seph's eyebrows arched up and he smirked. "The doctors aren't going to let him die."

He was trying to tease me I knew. But the word 'die' and 'Riku' in the same sentence sent a shiver down my spine and put a pained expression on my face. Seph instantly looked guilty.

"I'm sorry." He said gently and reached out his hand for me to take. I was instantly at is side again, pressing my body into his as much as I possibly could. He wrapped his good arm around me stroked my hair and cheek absently with his fingers. Instantly I felt the pull of sleep and let my eyes slip closed. Seph moved over a bit on the bed, waking me abruptly. I blinked away exhaustion to see what he was doing. He pats the bed and I curl up next to him, not bothering to take off my shoes.

"Think they'll make me get up?" I ask blankly, already falling asleep. Seph laid his head next to mine and sighed. I instinctively put my arm over his torso.

"Fuck them." He mumbles and I know he's already asleep. He doesn't stay awake for very long these days. One last time, call me paranoid, I put my hand over Seph's heart and smiled lazily at the steady beat I felt on my palm. I turn just enough to see Sora curled up in a chair next to Riku's bed. He's fast asleep, a blanket up to his shoulders. I sigh, lulled by the constant soft beep of Riku's heart monitor and Seph's breathing, and finally fall asleep.

------

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Man is it good to be home.

Fucking hate airplanes. The jetlag, geh, just awful. I feel weak in the knees, my head is aching, and my ears hurt from popping so much. I shiver, because it's cold as hell outside and in the hallway, and finally manage to unlock the door to the home I haven't been in for almost 2 months.

It's silent and empty.

I drop my luggage unceremoniously on the floor right in the doorway and look around. The loft looked like it hadn't been in use in days. Maybe longer then that. It was about as cold inside as it had been outside too.

"Well... welcome home..." I said softly and nudged at my suitcase with my foot. I didn't close the door behind me and randomly started pulling off my jacket, tossed my keys on the table just inside the living room, and ran my hand through my hair. God I'm so tired.

"Seph?" I say softly but loud enough for my voice to carry. Eyes narrowing in confusion, I make my way through the house. I notice vaguely there's a bed in the used to be empty guest room.

So... we've got a new roomy...?

Or maybe Seph's new boyfriend, ...what was his name again... , finally moved in?

I ran my hand over my face and went into Seph's room. The first thing I noticed was that the bed wasn't made up.

My heart did flips and my stomach dropped to my knees. I had to sit down, felt sick suddenly. Not from the jetlag either.

Seph's bed wasn't made up... _Something_ was wrong...

I sound silly... But I know Seph... He's anal about things like this. He believes a messy bed means a messy person. Needless to say, we get into debates over that concept. I don't make my bed....

I let a shiver, from exhaustion and worry, run down my back before I stand, letting my hand linger on the comforter. A sad smile crosses my face as nostalgia rears it's ugly head.

I remember when this bed was mine too.

I sigh and leave the room before I'm tempted to just lie down and snuggle into the blankets and sheets I know will smell like Seph's expensive cologne. Cinnamon and vanilla. I pause in the door way...

... Well... will smell like his cologne and his new boyfriend... I meant...

I shake my head to clear my mind of those depressing thoughts and opt to find the phone. Where ever Seph is, he's probably left a message for me about it. I flop down onto the cough, cordless in hand. My body instantly relaxed into the cushions. I pat the pillows absently with my free hand, smiling, they still remember me. Heh.

The answering machine clicks on with a friendly chirpy tone and I press the code to let me hear them.

"You have four new messages."

Only four? I pout. Hmph, nobody loves me...

"To play your messages pres..."

I cut the machine off and press the appropriate numbers. The first message has the voice I want to hear on it. I perk up and listen intently.

Something was indeed wrong. I could tell just by how slowly Seph was talking.

"I don't know when you're getting home..." He started, without referring to me so I would know this message was indeed directed at me. So that meant his boyfriend hadn't moved in yet. I didn't have time to smile on that thought though. The message went on.

"If by any chance you get home in the next few days, I'm sorry I'm not there to greet you. A lot has happened since you left... -long sigh- ...I'm in the hospital...."

My eyes go wide and I stand up quickly. Jet lag snatched my equilibrium right from under me and I had to kneel over for a second.

Fuck.... I fucking hate this feeling....

"...Traverse Town Memorial, room 441. Visiting hours are from 11 to 5. I'm assuming you'll be tired once you get home so don't worry about rushing over here okay. Get some rest. I'm fine."

Why did he have to sound so nonchalant about everything? He knew full well I was going to come to the hospital right after he mentioned he was there. Perceptive, too calm, logical thinking son of a--..."

"Don't get upset..."

I sighed.

"...I'll see you soon. I love you. Bye." -click-

I hung up the phone and let it drop to the carpeted floor. About a million things ran through my mind, trying to explain and rationalize why _Seph_ would be in the hospital. Was he sick? Nah, Seph didn't get sick.... Had he gotten hurt? By who.... and what? Did he... have an attack...?

I started chewing my bottom lip nervously.

But... if he took his meds he should have been...

I shook my head, winced, and sat back down. Oh my god.... when will this fatigue bullshit go away?! I let my head rest over the back of the couch, eyes closed, letting my limbs relax. I opened my eyes once I felt myself dozing.

...Well... Seph told me not to worry... To rest... He was trying to make things sound better then they actually were... I knew him well enough to know that. But I'll do as he wishes and not rush over there like an insane worry stricken mother about her child... Seph will tell me everything once I see him... In a few days... or maybe tomorrow.

I stand and start unbuttoning my shirt and undoing my belt. I decided to take a nice long hot bath. I head to the bathroom and turn on the faucet, adjust the water to hot and let my hand linger under the soothing warmth. I pour some bubble bath into the water before I head to my bedroom.

I click on the light and watch the shadows run away. I give my room a once over, noticing everything is just how I left it. Except my bed. Which is made up.

Seph.

I smile, shaking my head, and go to lay face first into my expensive sheer comforter. The soft downy of the blanket and the sturdy but soft support of the mattress made my body melt. It felt so good that I had to think about how hard it would be to get up again. I could hear the water running down the hall but wasn't worried about the bathtub overflowing. I cough up 10 grand a month for this place and I made sure I had all sorts of nifty high tech gadgets installed. Like an automatic timer that would stop the water in the bathtub once it reached a certain height.

So I just lay here now, breathing contently, and letting out soft sighs of blissful joy. I could feel my body relaxing, even though my mind was telling me to stay awake. The pull of sleep was almost overwhelming and I couldn't stop my eyes from closing. I felt the sweet darkness veiling me over and I was almost out cold when the alarm on my watch as well as the one on the tub went off, jolting me awake. I sighed in a bit of frustration and crawled up into a sitting position.

The room did a twist and turn for a second but I got my vision straight and started to strip. Shoes, socks, shirt... The air in the house was bitterly cold and I felt goose bumps prickle up on my skin the instant the cloth left them. I rubbed my arms absently and went to the living room again and found the panel to turn the heat on. I put the temp on 80, that should be warm enough. A yawn makes my body shudder and I undo my zipper on my pants before stopping in front of the linen closet. Blinking I get out a set of towels. I undo my super large dry towel and wrap it around my chilly frame before turning into the bathroom.

The room was filled with a nice stuffy steam that made my suddenly itchy eyes and throat feel better. I breathed in the scent of peppermint bubble bath and wiggled out of my pants. The heat felt like gentle fingers caressing my skin.

Seph's gentle fingers.

I suddenly sneezed and got a chill. Geh... Am I getting sick now? I pulled off my boxers, kicked them aside, and stepped into the hot bubbled filled water. I winced at the weird but pleasant sensation that sped up my body. Slowly sinking into the water I could feel every nerve that was tight, every tendon that was pinched, and a sudden ache in my throat, slowly fade away. I practically melted into the water and wanted nothing more then be able to sit here and soak for hours and hours on end.

Simple pleasures. How people take them for granted.

I sat there for a while, content, happy, and more relaxed then I thought was humanly possible as I let my mind just rest for a moment. I would take Seph's advice. He was right anyway. It wasn't until I reached the house that I realized how tired I was. My job is so stressful sometimes...

Absently I reached up to stretch my arms. I could feel every muscle sigh from such a simple action. I played with the water and dunked under once to wet my hair, which was extremely brittle from being abused by the cold weather. I examined a strand of my hair and chuckled from the silky touch it made against my back in the water.

I have split ends? I need to condition....

My hair dressers going to flip over this...

I shake my head and lay back down in the water, closing my eyes this time I allow myself to doze. I didn't start to wash up until I felt the water's temp dip just below luke warm. The soap's texture was nice against my skin and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what made Seph suddenly start buying such feminine smelling soap. Was this Cloud's idea? Not that the thought of smelling like flowers and candy bothered me too much. It just made me aware of how much Seph seemed to have changed over the short time I was gone.

I wonder... just how much he's changed...

Rinsing just a bit I unplug the drain and watch the water go down. The tub is empty in less then a minute and I stand to turn on the water again. I hate rinsing off in soapy water. I pull the shower curtain closed and turn on the shower. I take this time to wash my hair and rinse the remaining soap from my body.

I really missed our massaging shower head. They don't have these at any of those fancy five star hotels. -sigh-

Finished with my bath and almost completely dry, I work my fingers through my hair. The touch of my own hands was soothing and nice and I found myself wishing they were someone else's hands. I leave the bathroom, bolting the water from my hair, pouting slightly, and head for my room. I make a detour though and go into Seph's room instead. It was nice and warm in here now. The carpet all but massaged my bare feet and I went and sat on the bed. For almost 20 aimless minutes I sat and dried my hair. By that time my body was completely dry and I kind of itchy. Ah, time to lotion up.

It's fun to pamper myself sometimes. Regardless of how glamorous my job may be, I'm not treated like a king while I'm on the clock. I guess it's worth it though, considering how much money I make standing still or walking like a lifeless doll with no emotions.

I opted to put the lotion on later and fell back into the blankets on the bed instead. The cloth was cool against my back and I couldn't hold in the sigh that came out.

The memories I have in this bed. I grin lopsidedly and turn to lay on my side. I can't help but bury my face into the sheer blanket that still has the lingering scent of Seph all over it. It's so faint though. Now everything smells like the frost from earlier mixed with the roaring heat that was radiating now.

Seph must have been away for a while.

I crawl further up onto the bed and cuddle into the pillows. One under my head and another in my arms. If I think really hard, I can almost imagine this pillow is Seph... If he were really out of shape that is.

I frown at nothing in particular and hug the pillow closer. I really wanted to see Seph today. And not in the hospital... He must be in pretty bad shape to be admitted though. I wonder what.... Stop, stop.... Don't start worrying now... I scold myself and ceased all those thoughts with a mental slap to my brain. It would have to wait until tomorrow. It was too late to go to the hospital anyway. I let my mind stray to other thoughts while I waited to fall asleep. My body had decided a little while ago that it wasn't going to move from this spot.

Seph... he's serious with someone now.

Cloud.

That super gorgeous blonde that owns some really nice restaurant downtown. I was there the day Seph actually met him for the _second_ time. Seph told me he'd run into some really hot guy at the library one day. Figures, Seph would meet a catch like that in such a geeky place. But the guy invited Seph to 7th Heaven for dinner, a place he and I had always thought of going to but never got around to it. I remember just 4 hours prior to the conversation where he mentioned meeting Cloud we'd just slept together... It was so weird that he brought it up then...

I felt a deep frown set into my face. I guess.... I should have been upset that day... Seph and I have a really odd relationship... I fuck around and so did he... Well, he doesn't _fuck _around like that, but I know he's seen people on and off. I haven't really had a solid relationship since we kind of broke off dating. But we still lived with each other and even slept together like things were still the same. I can't say I'm regretting still letting those things go on. I love Seph and making love to him was wonderful. Hell just thinking about making love to him makes my senses tingle.

But... is this really healthy...?

I remember that night as though it were a painted picture...

I was falling asleep, curled up really close to Seph, my head laying on his chest. I was absently running my finger nails over his perfectly sculpted abs and sniggered every time the muscles of his stomach would contract. He was making soft sighing sounds in his throat and running his fingers through my hair. I remember thinking nothing could fuck up such a wonderful and utterly surreally perfect moment. I'd unplugged the phone just to make **_sure _**nothing could fuck up this moment. I looked up at Seph from my comfortable spot on his chest and silently questioned what he was thinking about. He stared back at me for a moment, his whole persona completely relaxed and caught in euphoria. I didn't think he was going to say anything. He rarely spoke after sex anyway. I was used to it. He was tired and so was I. But we were happy and knew what the other was thinking, so dialogue wasn't really needed.

But I just had this feeling Seph needed to tell me something...

When his eyes finally registered that I was still staring at him he shifted and went to lay on his side. I moved to accommodate his new position and laid down next to him. Facing him still and silently staring into his eyes. He closed his for a moment before he spoke.

"...Do you remember me telling you about that guy I met....?"

I just remember feeling like an arrow had pierced my heart.

Seph had been mentioning it for a while... How he'd met some really nice guy and wanted to see him again. I didn't discourage him but I had to sit up and really look at him.

Seph.

****

My Seph.

Mister _antisocial-all-I-need-are-my-books-and-you-to-live-happily_. I blinked several times for no real reason. I was still caught up in the after glow of letting him fuck my brains out and he suddenly blurted out calling Cloud and seeing if he was free on Friday. I could only stare at him at first. Confused. He just gave me this gentle smile that said 'I should have known this was coming'. I mean.... I was kind of seeing someone on the side too and I was still messing around with Seph. So it was only fair.

Now that I think about it... I was hurt to hear him say it. But like the idiot I was I said;

"Yes, call him, see if he's free. You've only been talking about him like a kid pestering his mother about a new video game. You need to get your sexy ass out of this house anyway."

Seph laughed. I couldn't help but smile. "He must have really been something to make you all mushy and obsessed over him like this."

Seph sat up on his elbow, silver hair spilling over the bed. "I'm not obsessed." He said softly, but his tone was playful. I raised any eyebrow.

"Seph, you're _wasting_ your **_precious_** time actually talking about **another** living human being. We both know the only things you _ever _acknowledge are the news, your studies... Oh, and **me**!" I grinned. "You're obsessed man."

The fact alone the Seph retorted to my accusation proved he _was_ obsessed. I just wanted to goad him some more.

Seph shook his head, laughing good naturedly and I felt my heart flutter. God he was so gorgeous. I was so lucky to have him like this... Whenever I wanted.

But all of that was about to change huh?

"He seemed like a nice guy." Seph purred and started playing with a strand of his hair.

My eyes narrowed on their own and I scoffed. "Look at you, you're acting like a 14 year old girl!" Seph's eyes went wide for a second and he let go of his hair. His cheeks practically erupted into this really pretty shade of red. I gasped beside myself.

"OH MY GOD!!!" Seph hid his face into the sheets.

"Stop that..." He groaned. I crawled on this back and laid onto him, my nipples brushed against his shoulder blades and I felt a stirring down south. This game we were playing could easily turn sexual at any moment.

"Why haven't you hooked up with this guy yet!? He's got you whipped and you only talked to him for like, 20 minutes!" I nuzzled into Seph's hair. "I want to meet him. Anyone that can make **you**, mister glacier, turn into a big teddy bear deserves major props."

I ran my hands up and down Seph's arms and purred. He was so warm and soft. I could easily fall asleep lying on top of him like this.

"Even I've never made you blush." I whispered.

The thought left a slightly envious twinge on my nerves.

Seph looked back at me as best he could and I noticed the smile he once had was gone. He looked serious. I leaned back and climbed off of him.

"Seph..." I said softly, feeling such a wonderful moment die. I wondered vaguely if this was the last time I'd get to play so freely and openly with him. And if so... could I handle it?

"You've made me blush before." He spoke barely above a whisper. I let out a slightly bitter laugh.

"You were 14... It's not like it was that hard..." I felt suddenly cold and pulled the sheets around my shoulders. The room was silent for a time and with each passing second the reality of this whole situation became more real. I moved to the foot of the bed, suddenly feeling like I would cry.

I... thought I'd prepared myself for this... I felt my body sag forward. Defeat.

"_Zack_..." I heard Seph whisper. His voice was practically begging me not to run away. Not to turn my back on him. He'd never sounded so desperate in all the time I'd known him.

Seph... please don't...

I didn't say that out loud though.

"I... I won't do this... I mean... if you don't want to me see him... I won't..."

I sat up straight as an arrow and turned around. I felt a splash of wetness on my cheek and quickly wiped it away. Seph was still lying there, his sultry bed room eyes pleading with me, begging me to understand. I glared at him out of pure frustration. At myself and at him for saying something so **stupid**.

"Why the fuck would I want that?" I hissed and I saw Seph's eyes flicker hurtfully for a second. I snapped my mouth shut and took a moment to calm this rising anger I could feel in my chest.

"I'm... not greedy Seph. We aren't _married_, hell, technically we aren't **even **boyfriends anymore. What divine right do I have to say who you can and can't see?"

Seph's eyes searched my face for a moment. He didn't look convinced. I knew him well enough to know this one thing; If I said I didn't want something to happen, he would make sure it didn't happen. And vice versa.

"...I just.... don't want to hurt you..." He breathed. I knew that was coming and I felt my glare dissolve away like sand in the wind. Something dawned on me suddenly.

Seph was _afraid_.

In all of this time we'd been together, in all the jokes and quips I've made at him about being anti-social, a loner, and a cold ice prince, it dawned on me that that shit was _really_ true.

When Seph said all he needed were his books and **me** he'd been serious.

I'd been his **first**....

In **_everything_**.

And now... he was trying to let me go... He was asking **me** to let **him** go too...

I've dated, fucked, seen, one timed with probably well over 100 people in my short life time. I'm not a whore, I just like to live okay. I'm used to the games, the phone calls, the arguments, the tears, all of the bullshit that came with RELATIONSHIPS.

But not Seph.

He was a virgin when it came to things involving.... **_Life_**.

Seph and I never got into fights. And when we did, it was more like a heated debate over what color carpeting to get for the loft. We'd always apologize for going off the deep end on each other with nice long hours of touching, sucking, and love making. We agreed on just about everything, and on the things we didn't, we'd make up for them with something else. We were perfect opposites that balanced each other out. Seph kept me in control and I made him go out of it.

But Cloud might not be like that.

Seph knew we had something good... Something wonderful actually. He was just as hesitant to let it go as I was.

But our... relationship was so much more then sex. We had sex because we could and because it felt great. But it wasn't required. Sure, Seph had become an integral part of my bodies chemical balance, and it made my days so much better when we'd have sex first thing in the morning. That... actually made me late for work more times then I'd like to admit... _But_ sex, with him, was something I could live without...

I think...

Seph and I were companions, in war, in love, in friendship... He was... He was my **_soul mate_**. No matter how cliche and super cheesy that may sound.

**__**

I believe it.

This guy, this Cloud. He could never take that from us. No matter how good he is in bed or how nice a guy he is.

Seph will always and forever be _mine_.

"Seph..." I started. "...you could never hurt me. Not like that anyway. I can't horde you to myself forever. I mean, look at you." I motioned to the perfection that was 'Sephiroth'. He smirked but let me keep going.

"I'd be a total jackass not to share you." I couldn't help but grin. The atmosphere suddenly wasn't so stifling.

"Share me?" Seph spoke, a frown on his face. "What am I, a sex toy?" He chuckled. I batted my eyelashes at him suggestively.

"You're **my** _sex_ toy." I said huskily.

He reached out to me and that was all it took for my heart and libido to go out of control. But I stayed planted at the end of the bed.

Staring.

"Come here." Seph said softly, motioning with his fingers. I bit my bottom lip. Seph's eyes were smoky and intense. I couldn't look away.

"But.... is this right...?" I couldn't help but ask. I already knew the answer. **NO** this was not fucking right! I was torturing myself by doing this, by letting myself get swept away each time he spoke, took a breath, or moved. I loved him and I wanted him for myself.

__

Forever.

"I said I'd call Cloud **tomorrow**. He's **not **my boyfriend yet."

I gaped, noting Seph was using one of _my_ lines against me. How dare this sharp tongued bas...

"You're awfully confident." I hissed and felt my body starting to move in his direction on it's own. My mind kept saying '**_What the fuck are you doing_**!?'. But my heart was gasping, '**_Yes I am yours. Take me_**!'.

I was so utterly pathetic.

The contact of his lips on mine sent all rational thought reeling out of existence and I turned into goo in his arms. The regrets, the doubts, the sorrow all seemed to vanish and I let myself be allowed one more intense night of pleasure. This was Seph's way of saying sorry, for any hurt he'd deal me later, for understanding, for being patient, for sticking with him through all of his issues, for being his friend.

His hands on my hips, my fingers in his hair, his tongue playing across my body. Making love to Seph is like doing everything you find pleasurable _all_ at the same time.

Oh my god... He's so good...

I have to suck in more air then I think is necessary to feed my deprived lungs. I can't catch my breath, I can't scream loud enough to properly express how good his mouth feels on me. How soft his hands are running up and over my chest, nipples, and ribs. My nerves can barely keep up and an almost seizure like spasm rolls over my body. I pull Seph up to me, my legs wrapped around his waist, almost devouring him with a brutal kiss. My salty taste coupled with his sends the most erotic flutter up my spine and I practically scream into his mouth. His tongue becomes my tongue. I'm almost delirious with lust and desire. I start to rock against him, panting, moaning, and whimpering into his mouth. He's much more calmer then I am and breathes slowly and softly between moans.

If he doesn't fuck me right now I swear I'll just die.

"Seph..." I whisper and he shifts so that he can enter my body. "Seph..." I can't stop whispering his name for some reason. It's the only word I suddenly know how to say and think. He kisses down my shoulder and up my throat and I feel the familiar pressure of his member about to penetrate me. I couldn't help but wince, from a slight pain and too many amounts of pleasure. I ran my hands up his back, letting my finger tips absorb every powerful muscle, every ripple, and every indent of his spine. I reached his neck and let my hands curve and caress before my thumbs traced his jaw line and lips. Through his hair, wrapping my fingers in the mess of silk that tickled like spider webs but warmed my skin like rays of white sunlight.

If this would be the last time I could do this, the last time I could lose myself in his universe, I'd let myself go completely.

I'd let my body remember his body.

I was caught in another heated bout of French kissing. Seph's mouth tastes so good. We were slick from sweat and a drop rolled off his cheek and splashed onto mine. For a minute I felt like I was dreaming. It was almost like we were making love underwater. Time seemed to be going in slow motion. Nothing in the world could feel this good. When our bodies, our hips, started to dance in that rhythmic back and forth sway I had to break the kiss and cry out. I saw Seph smile and a sadistic grin crossed my face.

"Is this all you got?" I panted huskily, almost breathlessly..

Seph grunted just slightly and put one of my legs over his shoulder. He sat up, on his knees, still moving slowly, and looked down at me. I half laughed, half moaned from this new position. It felt like he was deeper inside me. He reached back and grabbed a pillow to put under me without breaking the cycle of ours hips meeting and parting. I ran my hands up and down his body, as far as I could reach, and then up and down my own. He smiled just slightly down at me and thrust really hard. I gasped and winced at the same time.

That had hurt a bit... But felt good too.

"Again..." I said through clenched teeth. Seph obeyed and slowed down **way** too much. I gaped and he looked at me intently, waiting for my order. I was about to go crazy and went to stroke myself. He held my hands by the wrist away from my erection.

"What the fuck....?!" I panted. "SCREW YOU!!" I snapped and he thrust into me again, causing me to groan. Oh god...

"I'm already doing that to _you_, aren't I." He teased and took my hands into his. Slowly he let me touch myself, his fingers guiding mine. I saw spots before my eyes for a brief moment. This... this was insanely intense...

And it was the last time I could experience this with him.

He let his fingers stroke my tip for a very cruel second. I laughed out of frustration and near insanity.

"Fu... I hate you..."

I suddenly felt like yelling, calling him names, and talking really dirty to him. It felt so good. I'm so glad we own this apartment building. I saw Seph give me a strange look, smile, grin, and all the while his face was tinged with lust. He'd never admit it, but he liked when I talked dirty to him. I had no idea how he was still so much in control. He was such a quiet love maker. Always had been. But I was baffled by his level of will power at this point.

"No... I don't... hate... you..." I sighed in ecstasy. "...Don't stop... Fuck me... yeeesss.... fuck...."

I snatched my hands free of his and started to stoke myself finally. Seph didn't try to stop me and just kept running his palms up my pelvic bone and chest. This had to be the deepest, hottest, and quite possibly kinkiest sex I'd ever had. When did Seph learn this stuff!?

"The Kama Sutra is a very interesting book." Seph whispered and let his eyes slid closed. He let out this really sensual sigh and let his head fall back, exposing the curve of his neck. That forced me to buck up into him.

So that's where he'd learned this.... this... wonderful _thing_ he was doing to me. I'd never dragged sex out so long in my whole life. He had me on this border line between coming and lingering.

I'd have to get myself a copy of that book.

"...Harder..." I groaned, now arching my back up to meet him. He did as I commanded, but this time he didn't stop going. He was reaching his limit now as well.

"....Seph...."

I started to see spots again and suddenly my hands couldn't move fast enough. I cried out in frustration. "Fuck!!!"

Seph came back down to me finally, kissing me, and let himself go. He gasped into my ear and gripped my hips rather hard. I wasn't expecting such a rough thrust though and felt this really odd pain flare up in my spine. It brought tears to my eyes. But the pain just sent me closer to climaxing.

"Oh... g...god..." I choked and my voice shook. "Seph..." Ah... that really hurt.... I didn't tell him to stop though.

"...I'm sorry...". I heard Seph whisper. I wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. The pain was almost gone now... I opened my eyes and looked at him, he stared at me, his expression a sad one.

God I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him....

But I have to let him go....

"Thank you..." He just breathed and there was really no more room or need for dialogue.

I practically exploded. Seph followed me. He didn't cry out, like I did, he just buried his face into my hair and the sheets and whimpered. I couldn't stop panting, it felt like I'd run a million miles, sprinting, and would never catch my breath. We must have seriously gone at it for... hours...

Blindly I stared at the ceiling. I was gulping in air and I'm sure I looked like a beached fish. Seph snuggled into me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me up into a sitting position. I was dead weight.

"Zack..." He spoke softly, tenderly, in my ear. I blinked really hard and shuddered. My body was so tingly, it was like all of my nerves were freaking out all at the same time. I smiled lazily, closing my eyes and sighed.

"Mmmmm...." Was all I could make out. Seph laughed softly, nuzzling into my neck and kissing my collar bone. When I found the strength to move, I wrapped my arms around Seph's shoulders. His skin was cold in places but hot in others. I felt around without looking until my finger tips touched his face. Here, he was burning up.

I opened my eyes and saw the prettiest hue of red I'd ever seen blossoming across Seph's cheeks, the bridge of his nose, and lips. He looked 14 again.

"God...." I panted. "... You're so gorgeous."

Seph frowned, trying to hide his obvious embarrassment.

"You know.... You're the only one that gets away with calling me that..." He stuttered. I sniggered and pushed him onto his back. For some reason, I felt like I'd just experienced my first time. This time though, I actually wanted it.

"Mmmm, it's cause I'm special." I ran my fingers through his hair again. I was going to drag out these last few hours of having him to the extent of my ability. I wouldn't let him sleep if it meant just a few more moments of having him to myself.

"Cause you love me." I kissed his shoulder. He hissed playfully.

"And cause you know you like it." Seph scoffed.

"...Don't tell anybody that..." He sneered at me but started to laugh. I felt his grip on my waist dip down to my hips and he squeezed and glared at me. "I mean it..." He mock threatened. He couldn't hold his poker face for too long though and he started to laugh silently again.

"...eh..." I groaned and rose up a bit to look between our bodies. The sound of wet sticky... uh.... stuff made itself present and I saw Seph cringe. I looked up at him and he made a face.

"What are you looking at me for? It's yours! Do something about." His eyes narrowed. I returned the challenge.

"No way! You're the one who made me come, YOU do something about it!"

Seph blew a fake frustrated breath and flopped back onto the bed. "Zack, come on, I have to get some of my protein from **food** you know!"

That... made me gag and make a face. I hadn't been expecting an him to say that.

"Eww..." I drawled and rolled off of him. "Shower." I suggested already getting up. Seph sat up on his elbows and looked down the length of his body and grimaced.

"Agreed."

He crawled out of bed and followed me to the bathroom. We didn't have sex again though. I don't think either of our bodies could have handled it. We didn't speak in the shower at all really either. There was nothing to be said. We just let the hot water wash away the remnants of our last shared night together. If it were possible I'd let Seph's scent stay on me forever. But I guess... smelling like sex all the time isn't a major turn on.

-sniggers-. But I couldn't help but be sad. Somehow, watching the water wash away our love was like letting such a good thing go down the drain.

Literally.

I won't lie, I coped my share of feels off of Seph during our bath and he just a equally coped his own. We grinned and shared chaste kisses back and forth while he washed my hair and I ran the soap over his shoulders. Then we dried each other off slowly and sensually. I felt like... we were on a honey moon or something.

That was what lovers were supposed to do.

But...

Oh my god.... I missed moments like that so much....

Going to bed that night.... I was so sure I'd burst into tears like a 16 year old girl. It was almost unbearable to fall asleep in his arms, knowing that this would be the last time. He was holding me at first, close, my back was practically an extension of his chest. His arm was loosely draped over my waist, fingers softly running over my bare belly. My throat was burning and my head was aching. Plus there was this strange and bitter stabbing throb just behind my chest bone. I kept trying to soothe it away but it only seemed to get worse as the minutes passed. I couldn't fall asleep.

Seph was breathing softly behind him. My hair ruffling slightly from his warm exhales. I took in a shuddery breath and suddenly sat up. Seph had been asleep and I'd woken him up.

He didn't ask me if I was okay. I was shaking, so it was pretty obvious that I wasn't. He just reached over and tried to touch me again.

I pulled away.

"I'm... going to go to my room okay." I could barely get the sentence out. My voice cracked so bad.

Seph looked only slightly hurt and that made me want to smack him for being so understanding. He knew I was hurt, and he knew I was mad. But he wasn't going to try and make me see other wise. That's what I'd asked for after all.

I was suddenly very cold, despite how warm it was in the room, despite my pajama bottom. I rubbed at my arms and shivered.

"I bet it's cold in there." I forced a laugh. "Heh, I haven't even seen my room in what... a week... Heheh, it's going to be weird sleeping by myself again..."

I was about to leave. I'd finally made up my mind as well as my heart to just get up and go.

But... then I felt his arms wrap around my waist and his head lay on my shoulder. And I didn't have the strength to move or fight back anymore. I sagged forward like a deflated balloon.

"Zack, don't do this." Seph said softly, soothingly. I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. I was such a drama queen.

"The only thing that's changed is that... we can't be intimate anymore... at least not sexually." He sighed and pulled me back to lay down again. I didn't resist.

"This new guy, Cloud. Say, just as an example, he and I do get together, and become serious. Do you honestly think I'm just going to forget about you?"

His arms tightened around me. Well... yeah I kind of did. A little. I didn't say anything about that though.

"I'll never let you go." Seph cooed and nudged his head under my chin. I let go of the breath I was holding and felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Zack. My friend, my lover, my hope. You've... saved me... more times then you'll ever know. You're my guiding light. I wouldn't even be here today if not for you. How could I just mindlessly toss you aside just because I start seeing someone?"

Was I supposed to answer that? I was never really sure.

"Me, this loft, our home, we built this together. This room will always be yours. You can come and go as you please. I'll never take that back."

I had to repress an overjoyed sob. But a soft and overly feminine squeal left my throat.

"Oh my god shut up!" I blurted out and turned over, embracing quite possibly the only person I'll ever truly love. Seph only smiled and let me hold onto him as tight as I wanted to until we both fell asleep.

I remember waking up that morning and watching him sleep and happily realizing I'd have many more chances to see him like this. I loved moments like this, when I'd wake up before he did and I could watch the sun creep in through the blinds as it rose up. The soft gold rays of light would wash over Seph's face, practically making his flawless skin glow. He looked so relaxed when he slept, so young and innocent. For a moment, just before the sun would pass the window, the sunlight would illuminate his entire body, turning his starlight silver hair into golden silky thread.

I couldn't blink or breath during moments like that.

I lived to see moments like that.

Seph....

He would look like an Angel.

-groan-

Back in the present. Even after all of his words, his vows, his promises... I can't help but feel somewhat abandoned. I can tell Seph's changed. I met Cloud and he _really_ is a **really **sweet guy... Not to mention **_really_** hot. And Seph's been with him for a while now. At least... I think he's still with him...

On that topic, I made a mental note to check out the new guest room. Maybe if I snooped around a bit I'd be able to find out who the new roomy was.

It better not be a... baby or something. -kills that thought-

I'll go visit Seph in the hospital tomorrow... whenever I get up. I can't seem... to keep my eyes open now... Feels so nice... Lying here... in his bed.

My bed.

------

Sora

------

It's quiet...

Are... Seph and Cloud asleep finally?

I move slowly, pretending to be shifting in my sleep. It's been a few hours since Cloud and Seph cuddled up across his hospital bed. I wonder how long they'll be able to stay like that. I haven't seen a nurse or doctor in a few hours either. I'm sure they're tired of dealing with us by now.

I sit up, gripping my covers in my hand and stare around. Of course Riku is still asleep. From where I'm sitting I can't tell if Seph is. He's hidden behind Cloud. Well... I won't look suspicious just getting up and checking on Riku again. Not that I have any reason to look suspicious...

I stand, mindful of my sneakers on the floor. I don't want them to squeak. The ever present beep and exhale of the heart monitor and oxygen machine dulls out any sound I make anyway. I've gotten so used to that sound that when I'm not around it... I feel worried. That beep is Riku's heart beat right now. As long as it's going, things are fine.

Things are stable.

I watch the door, then Seph's bed. Cloud shifts slightly but I don't go on alert and just go to stand closer to Riku. He was resting peacefully. No rapid eye movements under his lidded eyes, no twitching or shifting. He was resting.

Good.

I made my way for the door. The moment I turned my back on Seph's bed though a warning bell went off in my head.

Sephiroth...

He's watching me.

I can just... feel it.

He's like a hawk. Even injured the way he is. He seems to know when anyone leaves or enters the room without even seeing it.

I stand there for a minute, waiting for him to speak. He doesn't say anything for a moment.

"Try not to wander to far."

I raise an eyebrow and turn slightly. Seph wasn't looking at me, his eyes weren't even open. He was still cuddled close to Cloud, his good arm over Cloud's hip.

"And since you're going out... Could you bring me back an Iced Tea, please?"

I nodded then answered in a soft whisper.

"Sure.... I'll be back in a few minutes."

Seph didn't say anything else or even make a movement to say that he'd heard me. I left the room with no other interruptions.

The moment I was in the hallway I stopped and took a deep breath. My nerves were freaking out, telling me not to go through with what I had planned. Telling me it was a crazy idea. Telling me... I could get into serious trouble for this.

But I have to know...

I have to see him...

The 10th floor was it?

Will I even be able to get in?

I head for the elevator. The halls were empty save for a janitor or two. Doctors were probably trying to recharge with a quick nap in the faculty lounge too. I've got a new respect for those people. They deal with so much and keep such straight faces for so long. Running purely on adrenaline and a strong will to help other people.

I could... never be a doctor.

The doctor that's caring for Riku is so cool and nice. It's the same guy that looked at him back when... back when he was raped at first... I.... I bet he was never expecting to see us again under such circumstances. He hasn't asked me the full story yet... And I don't even know what to tell him. I'm sure the police will explain everything to him though.

Dr. Valentine.

He's really hot for a **doctor**. Especially with his hair down. I feel safe with him. Unlike with some doctors, you feel.... exposed. He doesn't give me that 'lab rat' feeling like the other specialists around here. And he's taking such good care of Riku. He even talks to him and tell him stories while he's taking his vitals.

He said he was a Pediatrician. A child doctor. He didn't usually take patients like Riku, but the hospital was under staffed right now. I'm glad we were lucky enough to get Mr. Valentine again. He's making this whole situation... somehow more bearable.

-ding-

I stepped off of the elevator on the 10th floor and looked around. This floor looked like all of the others, except the carpet and wall paper was this off white color instead of a pastel blue. There were no pictures on the walls either.

I suddenly didn't like being up here.

The floors didn't have carpets and I could here my shoes squeaking softly as I took tentative steps down the hall. Each side of me was lined with closed doors. These doors had numbers on them in big black letters. They also had little windows centered on them. I noticed vaguely that each door seemed to be locked, a keycard and deadbolt sealing them shut.

A fluorescent light flickered above me and I looked up slightly dazed. The light kept flickering causing me to see spots once I looked away. The persistent buzzing of the bulb close to frying out made my nerves grate together and I found it harder to take more steps.

This place... something's wrong about it.

The 10th floor.

What... kind of patients do they keep up here anyway?

My unspoken question was answered for me when I found the front desk, a man sitting behind it. Over the desk was sign that plainly and clearly read 'Mental Ward'.

I looked quickly back down the hall and was greeted with the horrifying sound of what seemed to be many people yelling and screaming all at the same time.

The receptionist behind the help desk didn't seem to notice me and picked up a phone.

"Code yellow in 1045. Send security please." He said calmly and stood. I stepped back when he turned his tired blue eyes on me.

"Can I help you?"

I froze, still hearing the screams reverberating down the hallway. It was echoing off of everything and making my ears hurt. The receptionist sighed.

"It's Bobby again." He murmured and started shuffling through a folder sitting in front of him. I blinked. He seemed so... nonchalant about the whole situation.

"He's one of our... _extended_ patients. Guy's been here for a year now."

The guy looked back a me and all I could do was stare wide eyed, my mouth hanging open.

"He has nightmares you see. Post traumatic stress disorder."

I looked down the hall again to see two average sized men in blue scrubs standing in front of the door where the screams were coming from. A smaller female doctor came up behind them and slide a keycard through the lock pad. After a second the two men entered the room. The screaming intensified so badly once the door opened that I winced and covered my ears.

"... You get used to it..." Said the receptionist softly. I looked back at him with haunted eyes. He gave me a slight smile.

This was the last thing I'd expected to see or hear while I was up here.

"I'm Jake by the way." Jake introduced himself and sat back down in his chair. In the background I could hear 'Bobby' yelling some incoherent rants about 'they're going to get me' and 'closing in on me'. The screams had reached an alarmingly high pitched shrill that sent chills down my spine. I trembled and involuntarily took a step back. I couldn't look away from the hallway.

The female doctor hadn't entered the room yet. She was just standing there with her hands in her pockets. The expression on her face held absolutely no emotion what so ever. She may as well have been a statue.

Something about a female doctor being so cold and standing head the head with a raving mad man made my blood run cold.

Isn't.... she afraid he'll try to hurt her?

Just as I had that thought a thin, sickly pale hand lashed out of the doorway. The female doctor didn't even flinch.

"YOU BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!!"

The hand lashed out again, this time much closer to striking the women in her face. She barely batted an eye.

"Hold him down." She instructed and stepped into the room. I heard the door click shut and Bobby's screams went up another pitch.

"NONONONONONONONONONO!!"

I gasped and turned away. I'd never been so disturbed in my life. I covered my mouth, suddenly feeling sick and looked over at Jake. He had this blank somewhat bored look on his face but he smiled when he noticed I was looking at him.

"Scary huh?" He whispered. I shook my head a few times, opting not to open my mouth in fear that I'd throw up.

"Poor guy." Jake started absently. I know my face was asking 'why'. Jake went on.

I think I mentioned he's been here a year or so... Well, his stories a bit... disturbing. He came from an abusive family. His mother was a drug addict and his dad wasn't around. I think.... his mother had a boyfriend. The guy was abusive to her but she stayed with him. The story goes that Bobby's mother neglected him, smacked him around when she could, and that her boyfriend was... molesting him. I'm not sure... it's in his case file somewhere. Anyway, I think Bobby was being raped on a regular basis by his moms crack head boyfriend. Bobby tried to tell his mother what was happening but she didn't believe him. One day, Bobby just snapped. He ended up cutting his mom and her boyfriend to shreds... I mean to bloody bits... I got to see the murder photographs..."

I gagged, eyes bulging. He'd murdered... his mother... too? I found myself intrigued, despite this churning feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why was Bobby in the crazy house? He'd only protected himself. His mother was just as guilty as the guy raping him.... Right...?

Jake shook his head, recalling something I guess only he knew about. He laughed slightly.

"Okay, here's the freaky part. Bobby, like I said killed his mom and her boyfriend, but the way he did it was totally.... twisted and evil. During interrogation Bobby was super calm, he was even smiling. He told the police everything. His mother was having sex right... Bobby came into their room and grabbed her by the back of her neck. He told her to go faster and harder. He asked his mom's boyfriend if she was as '**tight'** as he was, did she 'suck him off' better then him. The boyfriend said he didn't know what he was talking about. Bobby... stabbed him in the stomach... For lying..."

I gasped. Was his mom... was she still....?

"...Bobby's mom was _still_.... ya know... yeah." Jake gestured with his hands to get his point across. I got what he meant and balked.

"So bobby ran the old nasty bastard through, but not enough to kill him. He made them keep fucking."

My stomach lurched painfully and I had to grip the desk to keep from falling over.

Oh... my... god...

Jake chuckled softly. "Sick huh? That's not all though..."

I rose my head slightly, shock written plainly across my face I'm sure.

"Bobby went on to tell the police he told his mother about all of the times he'd been raped. While she was sleeping, while she'd been in the shower, even while she was right around the corner sitting in the living room or something. Bobby said he couldn't go anywhere in his own house without being groped, grabbed, or have some vulgar sexual remark made at him. His mother tried to **apologize**. Can you believe that BS!?"

I closed my eyes, feeling nothing but sympathy for Bobby.

"His mother just didn't want to die. That crack whore... She ended up telling Bobby she never wanted him and she should have aborted him. Saved herself the stress of raising a little faggot brat that didn't do anything but spend all of her money."

Jake scowled. I assumed he had... personal reasons for feeling so... angered about this case.

"So because Bobby was gay, he deserved to be humiliated, abused, and violated like that...? I swear to you, some people in this world are totally fucked in the head. They use things like religion, personal belief, or morals to justify why beating the shit out of your gay son is a '_good_' way to make him _see_ his mistakes."

Jake folded his arms and leaned back into his chair. I could only stand there with my head hanging, soaking up everything he was telling me. The cries in the background had gone silent.

"It's already bad enough that kids his age get picked on at school, only to have to come home to it... To be called a horrible names by the same woman that gave you life... That bitch deserved to die... Bobby... he mutilated them and left the rest of their bodies still joined at the hips in the bed room..."

I made a sound of disgust in the back of my throat. Jake laughed just slightly.

"It's sick... but... Bobby took their heads and put them in a garbage bag before walking to the police station and turning himself in. He told the police he wanted to report a murder that just happened and that he was repenting for his sins. I was told that he dumped the heads onto the floor and just stood there. During the trial to decide if Bobby would go to prison or not... a priest asked him what he was repenting for..... Bobby said; "For being who I was born to be"."

Jake sighed. "Poor guy... He's one of the many patients I take the time to go see everyday. He's a nice guy, when he's not yelling and screaming bloody murder. He was admitted here because he just couldn't seem to get over the fact that he'd murdered his mother. Even if it was out of indirect self defense... He thinks he should be executed.... He asked once, for a lethal injection. Naturally he was denied... The doctors here think with time he'll be able to heal and regain a normal life... Only time will tell... You can never really... be sure what's going on the mind of someone who's suffered like that..."

All I could do was nod. I'd forgotten why I'd come here in the first place and suddenly all I wanted to do was be back beside Riku.

"Jake... I'm Sora... by the way... What... what exactly do they do to make people get over... _post traumatic stress disorder_...? I asked slowly. I had this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach... That somehow Riku... could end up like Bobby.

Jake bit his bottom lip and made a contemplative face. "Well.... there's a multitude of different methods used. Depending on the patient and his or her mental stability the right method is chosen. The one that's most effective is the 'Memory' treatment though."

I let go of a shuddery breath. "Memory?" I whispered. This was not... good... I didn't even know what it was or how it worked... but it didn't sound good...

"Yeah." Jake started. "They make the patient relive.... or _act out _the event that led up to their break down. It's really complex too. Sometimes, with advanced cases, they may even set up a stage for it to be played out in real time again. It's like... shock treatment. Whatever triggered the break down can be used again to un-trigger it... As weird as that may sound."

I looked around, somewhat dazed. "Does... this method always work?" I asked. Jake made a face.

"Well... yes and no. Sometimes the patient can regress so badly that they become vegetables... The won't speak, won't respond, won't even blink... It's scary. Then there are those that work too well... but in a negative way. The patient can become... bitter... mean, violent... They could start lashing out at people trying to help them.... That's what happened to Bobby. He regressed instead of progressed.... The affects may be permanent too. Sometimes, a patient can heal just fine on their own if they're left alone... but other times the patient will get violent or develop multiple personalities."

Oh my god.... Leon... That sounds just like what happened to him...!

I covered my mouth and turned to leave. "I have to get back to my room now." I said quickly. I didn't wait for Jake to try and stop me and I almost ran to the elevator. I mashed the buttons nervously and almost leapt onto the elevator when the doors opened.

Sinking to the floor was all I could do to calm my pulsing heart and over labored breathing. It felt like I might pop I was so... overloaded.

Why'd I come up here...?

I hadn't been expecting any of that...?

I'd just wanted to see Leon... I wanted to see how he was doing...

But instead I got a dose of medical reality that punched me right in the gut... I **can't **go back there, not knowing what's behind all of those identical doors. I can't look into that guy Jake's eyes again. So... blank... How can he... put up with that day in and day out?

The...

The harsh shrilling screams!

The grabbing hands!

The... dead look in the patients eyes!

****

I'd go crazy in a place like that!

And... _that _was where they had Leon. Was he screaming and fighting for freedom? Begging for someone to make the voices stop, to make the pain subside, to probably just kill him!!

I held back a sob and released a pained shuddery breath just as the elevator doors opened to my floor. No one was around and I had to crawl out and sit on the floor for a moment. Just long enough to catch my breath and stop my mind from wandering into madness.

I was sitting there for almost half an hour before I struggled to my feet and went back to Seph and Riku's room. I didn't try to be quiet and flopped down into my chair. If Seph had seen or even cared that I'd come back without his iced tea, he didn't say anything. Cloud never made a move to show if he was awake.

And there I sat in silence, reflecting, contemplating, deciding, questioning. I was a mess. To think.... Leon was going to be locked up in a place like that... For god knows how long... To think I could have ended up in a place like that, had I been.... weaker mentally.

To think... Riku may end up in such a horrible place...

But... Riku's so much stronger then I am. I mean, 6 days after the incident he woke up, he spoke. The doctors were baffled about it.

So... there's no chance Riku could end up a vegetable or... insane. There was just no way...

Right...

But I think it's too late for Leon. Going by what Seph said, Leon... er... Squall's already long gone... Has been for a while now.

And I helped him lose it...

All that time I thought I was helping him when all I was doing was making him crazier by the day. I had no idea he... was so obsessed with me.

Well, that Seifer was so obsessed with Squall...

This is so confusing...

So confusing it's making my head hurt.

I'm going to sleep. Please... let me just pass out. No nightmares, no memories... Just sweet silent, blank, blissful sleep.

And it came, quite quickly actually. I felt my head drop and I snuggled unconsciously back into my chair. Just as the room was becoming hazy, just as my mind was starting to loose any train of thought... I could swear I saw Riku staring at me. The aqua of his eyes was so clear and bright. But something was off... Something was different...

Before sleep took me I felt this odd flutter of fear in my chest. It felt like my heart skipped a beat and my breathe got sucked from my lungs.

Had I just imagined Riku staring at me... Was I so delusional with confusion that I was seeing things?

Riku... his eyes... usually so soft and gentle when he looks at me... But for that brief second... his eyes looked so...

__

...furious...

So...

__

...enraged....

So...

__

...hateful...

So...

__

...evil...

------

Cloud

------

More tests...

I looked around absently while Seph's doctor did his regular check up. Another 2 days had passed and not one time had the doctor mentioned anything about Seph being able to go home. I have a feeling it'll be a while before he can anyway. Riku may be here for months...

I couldn't repress the bored and tired sigh that escaped my lips. I was feeling better amazingly. I still had the sniffles and a slight cough, but it was just a cold. The shot I'd gotten seemed to work. Now wasn't the time for me to get sick anyway. I'd just gotten back from the house. Sora and I had gone home for a while to take baths, change, eat, and take a nap. Sora seemed overly eager to be out of the hospital for a while. Not that I could blame him. It's the holidays after all. He probably wants to go see the festivities.

I saw Seph watching me while his doctor checked his pulse. He had this overly annoyed expression on his face and he kept glancing back at the doctor. I chuckled just slightly at that. Seph really didn't like doctors. I think he was just a few nerves short of beating the hell out of one of them too. But... he knew they were trying to help to she kept his composure. I can't blame him for being tired of this aimless process though.

I'm tired of it...

"Go shopping." Seph suddenly said. I saw his eyes light up. I blinked and turned my attention on him. He smiled just slightly, ignoring the doctor.

"Seph... it's still November... Go shopping for what?" I frowned but felt a smirk on my lips. He was trying to make me go away so I wouldn't get bored.

"So. Start early. Besides, we still need to get everything to cook for Thanksgiving."

I nodded absently. Thanksgiving was only 4 days away. I'm sure Aeris had already started cooking though.

"You.... think you'll be out before then...?" I asked. Seph's expression fell and I regretted asking that.

"Probably... not..." He whispered. I stood up and went to stand near him. He looked up at me and flinched slightly when his doctor pressed his fingers under Seph's chin, examining his lymph nodes. The man mumbled something about 'no sign of infection'.

Seph gave him a dirty look.

"Your hands are cold." He said blankly. The doctor chuckled and pulled away to write something on his clipboard.

"Okay, okay. We're all done for today. As usual get some rest."

Seph let out a slow aggravated sigh. I know he wanted to say something snappy but he stayed quiet.

"Ah yes, about the holidays. A dinner will be held in the cafeteria for patients who can't leave. You're friends and family are invited if you like." With that last comment the doctor left, pulling the door up behind him.

I looked at Seph and smiled brightly.

"That's great. We can have Yuffie, Cid, and Aeris come to visit and have Thanksgiving dinner together."

Seph puffed out a breath of air and absently rubbed at his 'gimp' arm. It was out of the sling now, only in a cast. It was extremely pale too.

"Yeah... that's fine I suppose. I didn't... really want to spend the holidays in here though..."

I made a sad face and ran my fingers through Seph's hair. "I know..." Was all I could say. But Seph didn't complain anymore and leaned his head to rest on my belly. I absently massaged his scalp and stared across the room. Sora was staring blankly back at me.

"Did you hear that Sora. We can all go have dinner together for Thanksgiving."

Sora blinked and nodded. "...What about Riku?..."

I felt Seph turn to look at Sora. I couldn't see his expression, but he seemed to be examining Sora.

When Seph did that, he reminded me a computer downloading information.

"We can sit up here for a while before we go eat." Seph said gently. It was more then plainly obvious... Riku wouldn't be joining us for dinner.

"I'm... scared..." Sora suddenly said. I felt Seph go stiff and I stopped stroking his hair.

Sora eyes were bright and full of pain and fear.

"...What... what if Riku never wakes up...? Or what if he doesn't remember us...? Me...? What if...?"

"Come here, Sora." Seph said softly. His tone was gentle, but demanding. Sora sniffled, hesitated, then slid from his chair and walked over to us. Seph reached out his good hand to him and Sora took it. Seph took Sora into his arms held him close. I couldn't help but blink in surprise.

"Sora, if you start asking 'what if' those things might start to happen. You can't doubt things okay. Riku's going to be fine. He'll wake up soon. He did once already right?"

Sora hiccupped and nodded.

Seph smiled and buried his face into Sora's hair.

"...Soon, Riku'll be back to his normal inquisitive self. You just have to be patient. Give him time... He'll come back to you..."

Standing there, watching those two, remember the barrier that used to be between them.... It was almost surreal. The way Sora so easily melted into Seph's embrace. Pretending Sora had never given me that monologue on what he'd think it'd be like the have sex with Seph, I could see the potential in what could be a very strong relationship. Not a sexual one... but a paternal one.

Seph had wanted to adopt Sora.

And now I could see why.

Despite his aloof exterior, Seph was really good with children.

Look what he'd done with Sora and Riku. They'd talk to him before they'd talk to me and they'd only known him for 4 months.

Speaking of that adoption thing, I had to remind myself to talk to Seph about that later as well. ...Maybe I should write down all of the questions I have for him...

"You alright?" Seph whispered into Sora's ear. Sora pulled away and wiped at his eyes. "Yeah... yeah, I'm okay. Sorry." Sora laughed slightly and got up to walk back over to his perch by Riku. Seph nudged him under the chin before he did though.

"Smile." He cooed. Sora did, beside himself. Seph turned back to me.

"Now about going shopping." He smirked. I laughed.

"Seph... Christmas is almost a month away. Besides I want to go shopping with you and Riku. All of us together you know."

Seph frowned. "Who said anything about Christmas. There's another special day in December besides that."

I raised an eyebrow and stuck out my bottom lip. I saw Seph's eyes go wide and he feigned a hurtful expression.

"Hmph, some boyfriend you are." He flopped back onto his pillows and crossed his arms.

"Wha...? I don't... OH!" I chirped and started laughing. Seph gave me a fake glare and I saw his mouth twitch while he tried to repress a smile.

"Aww, your birthday!" I giggled and leaned over to give him an Eskimo kiss. His nose was really warm. He sighed and nuzzled me back.

"You forgot..." He mumbled. I sniggered... cause he was partially right... I knew his birthday was coming up... just not so soon.

"How old are you turning, Seph?" Sora was sitting up, his eyes glowing with happiness all of a sudden.

Seph looked at him for a second then said. "27."

Sora stood up and his mouth hung open wide.

"YOU'RE THAT OLD?!!"

I saw Seph's eyebrow twitch.

"...old..." He murmured. I burst into laughter again. Sora's face turned bright red.

"Uh... I mean.. um... Not that you're old... I just mean, I didn't know you were already about to b 27... I thought... I thought you were younger then that..." Sora covered his face in embarrassment.

"How old did you think I was?" Seph asked, his tone curious.

Sora's cheeks looked like they were on fire. "Um... maybe about... 22... 23..."

Seph raised an eyebrow but he looked amused. I balked.

"Sora, you thought **_I_** was older then him!?" I stopped laughing abruptly and put my hands on my hips. Seph turned sharply and looked at me. Sora's eyes went wide and he choked back a giggle.

"Well, you do act like a grumpy old lady sometimes... Or rather... a worry wart mother." Seph cooed. I gasped.

"I... I do NOT act like an old lady!"

Sora was practically rolling on the floor now.

Seph rolled over, turning his back on him. I could see the shape of his hip through his blanket. "So you act like a nagging old lady then." He mumbled and let out a tired sigh.

I bristled but it was out of humor. I... I **don't **act like an old lady!!

I climbed onto Seph's bed and ran my hand over his hip suggestively. He looked back at me quickly with wide eyes.

"Could an old lady do this?" I said huskily and leaned in to kiss Seph.

It was a deep, slow, wet kiss, that made my body shake more then I'd like to admit. In that instant my body remembered how deprived it was and the thought of pouncing on Seph here and now almost won out against my common sense.

I heard Sora squeak.

When I pulled away I had to let go of a deep breath. Seph gasped and absently groped around at the sheets.

"Curse you...." He hissed under his breath. I grinned triumphantly. I went to sit back down in my chair just as knock filled the room. The door creaked open and Dr. Valentine peeked his head in. He had his glasses on.

"Hello? I'm not interrupting anything am I?" He whispered. I saw him smile at Sora, who waved him inside.

"Dr. Valentine, hello." I chirped and stood up. The same doctor I'd puked all over a 2 days ago. He'd been in and out of our room many times and I'd never noticed him before that incident. That's how out of it I was.

"Cloud. You look much better. And please, just call me Vincent." A gentle smile graced Vincent's handsome face and I felt my stomach flutter. God he's so pretty.

I heard Seph make a growling sound in his throat. I looked back at him. He looked absolutely feisty. Like a disgruntled cat.

Weird...

"What do you want?" He hissed. My eyes went wide. Vincent looked over to Seph, his expression blank but calm. His eyes sparkled dangerously though.

"Nice greeting." He mumbled and walked over to look at Riku. Sora smiled, almost lovingly, up at the man while he checked Riku's vitals.

"He's doing much better. No fluctuation in his heart rate and he seems to be dreaming quite peacefully."

I smiled and nodded a few times absently. Hearing the words 'much better' soothe my heart a bit. I blinked and looked back at Seph, he was buried up to his chin in his blanket and was eyeing Vincent like a hawk. His pupils had even dilated.

Whoa... did I miss something...?

Vincent stood up straight and reached over to ruffle Sora's hair playfully. "How are you today?" He asked gently. Sora looked like he'd turn into goo at any moment. Another blush ran across his cheeks.

"I'm... um... I'm fine..."

I had a strange feeling he was lying... But he only said that to please Vincent.

Vincent stared at him for a moment, seeming to see something I'd missed. But he smiled again despite his calculating stare. "Well, that's good. We can't have you getting sick now." Sora nodded. Vincent turned his eyes on Seph, who shrank away, then on me, and Seph scowled.

"What do _you _want?" He hissed again. Vincent walked over to Seph, his hands in his pockets. He leaned over Seph and I watched, in shock and amusement, as Seph sank into his pillows as far as he could go. His pupils were practically slits.

"Why are you being so rude?" Vincent whispered. Seph looked away from him and I saw, what looked like fatigue, pass over his face.

"...Go away..." He groaned. Vincent chuckled and did something totally unexpected. He _kissed_ Seph, several times, on the cheek.

I could only stare.

Seph sat up and pushed half heartedly at Vincent. "Stop that!" He gasped. His cheeks were turning red.

I blinked again.

Vincent ruffled Seph's hair, lovingly, and ran his finger tip over Seph's nose.

"You never cease to amuse me." He chirped. I could see Sora giving me this odd and disbelieving look. I blinked again, as that seemed to be all my body could do, and shrugged slightly. I had no clue what was going on either.

"You're a doctor for Christ's sake, act like one!" Seph yelped. I'd never heard his voice that high pitched and I felt my eyes get even wider.

Vincent was laughing whole heartedly now. "Look at you. It's like you're 5 all over again."

OH!!!

...WAIT A SECOND!!

"You... two know each other?" I blurted out. Seph looked at me and hid the lower half of his face behind his sheets.

"Sadly yes..." He muttered. Vincent shook his head.

"All of _his_ life." Vincent held out his hand and lowered it down to about hip high to himself. "I remember when he was _this_ tall and used to latch onto my leg when he got scared.

I heard Sora gasp and he clasped his hands together.

"YOUR SEPH'S DADDY?!!" He squealed, almost like a girl.

Sephiroth groaned and hid his face behind a pillow. Vincent had this look of pride on his face.

No. Way. All I could do was gape.

"Oh my god, that is **SO** CUTE!!!" Sora was almost bouncing. "I knew it! Seph looks so much like you!! And he was all shy and childish around you!" Sora broke into a fit of giggles and I had to sit down.

"Look what you did!" Seph snapped at Vincent. The blush was still on his cheeks though.

"It's your own fault for being embarrassed to admit that I'm your father." Vincent quipped. Seph rolled his eyes.

"It's... weird..." He breathed.

And he _was_ right. Vincent looked way too young to have an almost 27 year old son. Got to say though, I'm glad it turned out Vincent's his dad instead of a past lover...

Seph was much too... flustered around Vincent. Now I can see why.

"People always think we're lovers." Vincent went on matter-of-factly. Seph clenched his jaw. "No one believes me when I say I have a 26 year old son. It's because I'm so well preserved.... Or maybe just because I got his mother pregnant when we were barely out of high school..." Vincent trailed off and I had to slap my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.

"... How... young... exactly..." I stuttered.

"I was 17. So that would make me 43 now."

Sora ran up to Vincent and looked him up and down. "No way..." He breathed. Vincent smirked. I did a double take myself. Wow... hey uh... Looking good. Was all I could think. 43? This man? Good God...

"I drink lots of water." Vincent said absently.

Seph huffed. "And talk lot's of shi---"

"Seph's just mad. He thinks I'm too immature to be a parent." Vincent went on, playing with his ponytail. Looking very much like a 17 year old.

"Because you are." Seph said, getting his composure back. He sat up and fixed his hair.

"Dad... go away..." He said again.

"Aww, you called me dad. How I miss hearing your tiny little voice calling me 'daddy' and asking all sorts of questions."

Vincent reached out to ruffle Seph's hair again. Seph batted at his hands and I felt my mouth pull into a wide grin. I've never seen something so cute in my entire life.

"Seph, as a little boy?" Sora said. He sounded almost like he couldn't believe it. Vincent nodded, that proud smile still on his face. "I had, and maybe I'm being overly biased, the most beautiful son on the block. He was so sweet, soft spoken and kind. His whispery little voice was like music in my ears, whenever he spoke I couldn't help but pay attention. Ah, and Seph was so shy when he was little. He still is a bit..."

Seph looked like he wanted to just melt into the bed and vanish at this point. "For the love of God please stop..." he groaned and shook his head. Vincent laughed and came over to Seph again, he placed chaste kiss on his forehead and tapped his nose.

"You mother wants you to call her." He chirped. "She's going ballistic with worry."

Hmm, Seph's mom huh? At the moment I turned to look at Seph and I had to flinch at the expression that now graced his face. If looks could kill... Man... What was this all about. Seph's blush, and all of the other blood in his body, seemed to have rushed to his eyes, making them this blazing red green color. He looked almost livid in his anger... or hatred... Whatever the case, he didn't seem to happy to be hearing about his mother.

I raised an eyebrow to that.

Whoa...

"Well if she's so worried, why didn't she just come and see me?" Seph said bitterly. His voice was like dry ice. Hell had seriously frozen over. Vincent put his hands in his pockets and from that simple gesture I got a creepy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Vincent had put his glasses back on and they were catching the light from the room, hiding his eyes behind a high beam glint.

He looked like a mad scientist... for just a moment...

-shiver-

"Seph, don't start, you know how demanding your mothers work is. She's on a research trip again... She said she was sorry."

Seph sneered. "Like she always does..." He went silent for a second. "...I'll call her... maybe... When I feel like talking to her..."

Vincent glared and this time I could see the auburn of his eyes. He had this 'I'm the father and you'll do as I say' look I say look on his face.

Seph shrunk away. "Alright, alright... I'll call her... But not today..." He said quickly. Vincent smirked just slightly. I looked across the room and saw Sora watching the back and fourth 'gentle' confrontation. His bright blue eyes held more amusement then they should. I have to admit, I was enjoying watching Seph lose his cool, in front of his father no less. I'd never let him live this down.

Heheheh!

"Fine, that's what I like to hear." Vincent fingered the rim of his glasses. "Where was I now...? Ah yes, Seph, you've got X-rays today. You're doctor asked me to escort you down."

Seph sat up straight and groaned. I thought he'd put up a fight, like he always did with the other doctors. But he just pushed back his sheets and slowly crawled out of bed. I'm sure lying around all the time was taking it's toll on his body and patience. Thankfully he'd been given and fully body hospital clothes, instead of that ass revealing dress you're always forced to wear when you're a patient for a while.

"Cloud, would you like to come with him. It's going to be a while... and I can't stay the entire time. Besides I'd like to talk to you a bit more, get to know you." Vincent offered. I stood and started to follow.

"Uh, sure. Why not? Sora..." I turned to the boy and noticed he had sunk back into his chair and was twirling his fingers around rubber band he'd found. He acknowledged me with a slight 'hmm?'.

"...You gonna be okay by yourself for a while?" I asked softly, noting his mood seemed to have taken a sky dive.

"...yeah..." He said just above a whisper after a moment. I nodded.

"We'll be back in a little while. If you need anything just ask one of the nurses. I'm sure they'll help you." With that I left the room, closing the door behind him me. Seph and Vincent had made their way up the hall and were absently talking about something. Probably Seph's mom again. I looked around, just because, before I started to walk.

"Cloud?"

I paused in step and turned around. I know I heard someone call me. I looked around absently, trying not to look too lost. Some guy with long black hair dressed an a expensive leather waist length jacket, matching leather gloves, some skin hugging designer pants,and I'm sure vintage tinted glasses, waved at me. I didn't recognize him at first.

"Haha, you look kind of lost." He said playfully and walked up to me. I frowned, for the life of me I couldn't tell who this was. Then he took off his glasses and I recognized quite possibly the prettiest hazel eyes I'd ever seen.

"Zack."

I was fuming internally.

"Hey." He said with a grin and started taking off his skin tight leather gloves. God... he looked like he was dripping with money. It had been a while since I'd seen him.

"You're back?" I said mindlessly and only after the question left my lips did I realize how stupid I sounded. Duh he was back from his trip. He was only _standing _**right** here right?

He raised a delicate eyebrow. "Yup, the fall/winter show's over now. I get a 3 week vacation before I have to start shooting for the spring collection."

I smiled beside myself, trying my hardest not to stare at his hips in those leather pants. He's the only person... next to Leon, that I know that would wear leather pants in the winter.

I wonder if I could get Seph into some leather. Hmmm....

"So..." I started and focused back on Zack's face. Gah.... he's so pretty. Not pretty like how Seph is. Seph has this masculine delicate beauty, you can't help but keep looking at him and think you must be dreaming or high. Zack, he's got a triple X pretty about him. Like just by smiling at you he's asking you to fuck him.

Is he wearing lip gloss?

"Uh... I mean, so how was the shoot anyway?" Zack followed me with his eyes. He had this feral lazy look that made me nervous. He watched me for a second then smiled.

"Busy. The show was a big hit though. I got two more contracts too and some of that designer shit actually sold." He brushed a lock of jet black hair behind his pierced ear and sighed. "I'm glad to be home though. Some of those designers are just proverbial pricks." Zack laughed softly but a bit bitterly. "One of those bitches had the nerve to tell me I need to go on a diet because I couldn't fit into her anorexic sized two pair of vinyl pants. A fucking 3 year old couldn't fit into that cut up shit." Zack put his gloves into his jacket pocket. " I simply told her to go fuck herself. She didn't like that too much. The **I **offered to fuck her, she could use a good rear-ending anyway... She called me a dick and left. HA!. I think she's a lesbian." He shrugged but went on.

I was speechless.

"I swear to you... people with money and a bit of social status think they can get away with creating anything and call it the latest fashion..." Zack sneered at something far off into space before turning his husky stare back at me..

"Anyway, enough about that, how are you, Cloud? From what I heard it's been pretty rough this last week. How ya holding up?"

My mouth opened and closed a few times before I got my motor skills to work right again. "Uh... Okay I guess. I'm ready to go home." Zack nodded in understanding.

"I bet. I'm surprised Seph hasn't just told you to go home yet... Or better yet, that he hasn't just left on his own."

I laughed just slightly. "Well... he did suggest that.... but I told him no... Besides, it's not just him that's in the hospital." I turned back to the room and Zack followed.

"Huh?" He said curiously. I frowned, wondering why Seph hadn't told him about Riku in the message he'd left on the answering machine. "What did Seph tell you exactly?" I asked and hesitated just before I opened the door.

Zack clicked his tongue before answering. I noticed his tongue piercing for the first time when he did that. "Only that he was in the hospital and his room number. Why?"

I raised an eyebrow. "...So you have no idea why he's in here..." I said, not really asking. Zack shook his head.

"Is he... alright...?" He sounded worried.

"Yeah, he's recovering very well actually." I assured. Zack touched my shoulder.

"Recovering from what?" He breathed and I heard desperation in his tone.

"He was... shot..." I said slowly. Zack gasped silently. "But he's fine..." I went on. "He's in X-rays right now though. If you want, you can wait in here with..." I opened the door and saw Sora still sitting in his chair. But something was very wrong with him. He was staring across the room, looking dazed and disturbed.

"He yours?" Zack asked. The meaning behind his question eluded my mind at first and made me forget about Sora's clearly distraught state.

"Mine?! Oh... aheh, no he's not my kid... I'm too young to have a 16 year old..." Zack stared at Sora.

"16 huh... That's too bad. He's a cutie." I sucked in a breath and ignored Zack's comment.

"Uh... yeah. That's Sora. He's a staying with me right now. I'll explain later...." Zack brushed passed me went to stand near Riku's bed. He looked down over Riku and he seemed to be entranced.

"He's gorgeous. Oh my god..." He whispered and gently reached over to finger a strand of Riku's silvery hair. "He... looks just like Seph... when he was younger."

"That's Riku..." I said quickly. Something about the way Zack was staring at him was making me uncomfortable. His eyes had become predatory. I knew instantly that I'd have to watch him around Riku.

"Right... um... He was hurt too... in the accident... Seph saved him..." I stuttered. Zack turned and looked at me, his expression almost blank.

"I leave him alone for a month and look what he does..." He stood up then but let his hand trail over Riku's cheek just slightly. "You can take the man out the war..." He muttered and trailed off. I couldn't help but frown. I didn't understand.

"Anyway, where is he no... What's wrong with him anyway?" Zack asked suddenly, referring to Riku. "Don't tell me he was shot too?"

I nodded. Zack scowled. "Christ, what the fuck happened...?"

I scratched the back of my head and sighed. I really didn't feel like talking about any of that right now. "It's a long story... and you of all people deserve to know. I'll... tell you later okay... Just I need to get to Seph and all. If you wanna come you can... I mean I'm sure he'll be happy to see you.... and all..."

I suddenly didn't feel too well. Something about Zack, the way he was reacting, the things he was saying, the way he looked... I suddenly felt... _average_...

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I can't wait to see his face when he sees me." Zack laughed and I saw him eye Sora again. He didn't say anything about him though.

"Shall we go then?" He said, suddenly really close to me. I shook my head slightly, blinked several times, backed away and nodded.

"Right... yeah... Okay... He's down..."

Something latched onto my arm very tightly. So tightly and desperately that it scared me for a moment. I looked down to see Sora, leaning into me as closely as his body and mine would allow. He looked up at me and my breath caught in my thoart.

"Sora... what's...?"

"Don't leave me..." He gasped. His voice was brimming with barely controlled fear. Zack stepped back looking just as confused as I did.

------

Moments earlier

-

Sora

------

Cloud left the room and I was again alone. Sitting in silence with only Riku's heart monitor and breathing to keep me company. For a long time I just set there absently stretching and pulling on the rubber band I had and stared across the room.

If it hadn't deathly silent. I would have missed the soft whispering of my name.

"...Sora...?"

I focused and looked at Riku, who was shifting around clumsily. He looked over at me, eyes sleepy and dazed. I slid from my chair and went to him.

"Hey!" I chirped happily and laid my hand on Riku's chest. He smiled lazily and put his hand over mine. He blinked slowly a few times before he said anything.

"Mmm... what time is it...?"

I laughed. "It's uh... 3:15." Riku just nodded absently. I don't think he really cared about the time, he just wanted to ask me something... anything...

"How are you feeling?" I wondered and ran my free hand gently through his hair. He was warm... warmer then he should have been. I put my hand to my forehead to make sure.

Yeah... he was burning up...

"Thirsty." He said hoarsely. I nodded and stood up. "I'll get you some water okay. Be right back." I was up in an instant. I ran to the cafeteria and got a big cup full of crushed ice and water. I didn't stop to acknowledge anyone or thing and was back to the room in a flash. Riku smiled again at me when I walked back up to the bed.

"Thanks...." he broke off into a wet sounding cough. I winced and gave him his water. He drank slowly.

"You've got a fever..." I whispered. Riku looked up at me through his bangs and held his cup in his hands. He just nodded a few times.

"It's dark..." He noted and looked at the window. The blinds were drawn.

"Want me to turn on the light?" I headed for the lamp. Riku shook his head.

"Is... the sun out...?" He questioned softly. I bit my bottom lip and eyed the blinds.

"Maybe. Let's see. Oh there's so much snow on the ground. You should see, it's really pretty." I grabbed the string to lift the blinds just slightly. Riku sat his cup down on the small table between his and Seph's beds and leaned back to rest again. As the bright frozen light of outside slithered across the room and Riku's pale form, I noticed the shadows under his eyes fade away.

He was actually a lot healthier looking then I thought.

"There..." I gasped at how bright and pretty the light from outside was. The sun was indeed out today and it made all of the snow sparkle almost retina burningly bright.

"...that's much better huh?" I said, smiling and turned around to look at Riku. My shadow cast across his body and at first he was smiling back at me.

But then... His expression changed.

I thought it was the light and shadows messing with my vision again. But as I walked closer to the bed I realized I wasn't seeing things.

"Riku what's...?"

"The paopu..." He muttered. I dizzying bought of deja vu hit me just then and I had to shake my head to clear the daze.

"Yeah..." I murmured, not wanting to tread on that subject. Too many bad memories...

"The light... your smile... You... you were smiling..." Riku gasped and broke into another fit of coughs. I sat on the bed and pulled him into a hug. He hugged me back, weakly, leaning his head on my shoulder.

"Shhhh..." I soothed and ran my hands through his hair. "Don't worry about all of that now. Just... just rest okay..." I felt Riku nod into my shoulder. He was running his hands gently up my back. He hooked his finger tips under my shoulder blades just slightly, hugging me tight.

"You were smiling..." He whispered. I didn't miss how bitter he suddenly sounded.

"Smiling while I was dying..."

I gasped and tried to pull away to look at him. He tightened his grip on my shoulder blades, digging his nails under them and pulling outwards. I whimpered.

"Are you happy now Sora? You've taken everything from me now... You killed me..."

He nudged his lips into my neck and kissed along the juncture of my neck and shoulder.

"I've given up everything for you now. Now, I don't owe you anything..." He bit down on the flesh of that muscle and a scream caught itself in my throat.

"You owe me Sora." He cooed as he let go of my skin. I let out a shuddery breath. "Don't scream..." He demanded tenderly. But there was nothing loving about his tone. Riku's rage was practically oozing from his pores. He was quiet about it though. Controlled. And I've never been more terrified in my entire life.

"You're so fucking _fake_. You _knew_ what was going to happen. Like a fool I followed you... I couldn't believe you'd be evil enough to lead me right to Leon." His grip on my back tightened and I could barely breathe. My back was pulsing with pain but I couldn't get away from Riku. He was deceptively strong.

"I'm going to get you back for this Sora. You'd better hope with all of your life Cloud and Seph never leave you alone with me. If you talk to me, I'll hurt you. If you touch me, I'll beat the shit out of you. If you so much as open your mouth to ever fucking lie and say you love me again... I'll **kill** you."

Riku suddenly released me and shoved me very hard. I slammed into the wall opposite his side of the bed and slid to the floor. I was in pain and utterly horrified.

Riku looked down at me and I felt my heart stop and my blood run cold.

"I hate you Sora. I'll never forgive you for this. Ever." Riku started to cough just slightly again and he leaned back into his pillow and closed his eyes. I climbed onto my chair and balled up as tight as I could, hugging myself.

I had to have imagined it... The shadows must be playing tricks on me...

Hate me...

No Riku... Please no...

I'm so sorry... I swear I didn't... know Leon was...

Please Riku...

I.... I love you....

The door opened again and Cloud and Zack came in. Whatever they were talking about I missed. I was too shocked to care. Riku had closed his eyes again, seemingly asleep. But I knew he was faking... He had to be...

Then Cloud went back to the door. I jumped up and grabbed his arm as tightly as I could. Fear had struck my heart. I couldn't be alone in this room...

Not with Riku...

------

Cloud

------

Sora was staring not at me, but past me. He didn't seem to be 'there' at the moment. I took him gently by the hand, the one choking my arm, and tried to loosen his grip. His fingers didn't budge.

"Christ Sora... you're hurting me..." I hissed. Sora whimpered in his throat and I saw Zack stare blankly across the room. I finally looked to see what the big deal was. And there he was, staring right back at me. Wide awake.

I was happy at first, but then something passed through his eyes that made my blood run cold. Something weird... I couldn't put it into words though.

"Riku...?" I said softly. His eyes registered and he looked sharply at me. He'd been staring at Sora. He looked lifeless almost. Not blinking, not even seeming to be breathing. He shifted just slightly and his head lulled forward. I ran over to his bed, wrenching my arm free. Sora protested but didn't follow me. Instead he pressed his back into the wall and watched.

"Riku..." I said softly took his face gently in my hands. He looked at me and smiled.

"Cloud..." He said softly. His voice was threaded in exhaustion. I pulled him into a gentle hug, mindful of his still healing injury. He didn't hug me back, but I hadn't expected him to.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I was so..." I pulled back and my mouth snapped shut. Riku had the most vicious scowl on his face that I'd ever seen. I wasn't sure what had upset him so quickly.

"Riku...?"

"I can't... feel my legs..." He croaked. I felt his frail body lurch. I looked down the bed at his legs, which were covered by the blanket. He had this determined look on his face and I knew he was trying to get them to move.

"Riku.. don't strain yourself... It's because you've been asleep for so long... Just give..."

"Why can't I...?!" He almost screamed but his voice cracked halfway through his words. He choked and started to cough.

"Riku stop..."

"NO!!! FUCK!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!" He snapped and shoved me away. For someone who had been comatose for almost 2 weeks he was extremely strong. I backed away.

"Nononononono...." He chanted and his body lurched again. He coughed and for some reason flinched. When he did he knocked over the folded chair sitting against the wall behind him. When it clattered to the floor it made an extremely loud banging sound. It forced us all to wince.

Riku went ballistic!

I had to cover my ears. I've never heard anyone scream like that before. It was like a million sorrowful pain filled ghosts had all struck a soprano chord in unison. Riku covered his ears but kept screaming. He shook his head, almost like he'd lost his mind and I saw blood drip down into his lap.

"**KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME**!!!"

He screeched over and over again.

"**NO, STAY AWAY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!! PLEASE**!

Riku was pulling at his hair and I watched helplessly as he practically ripped a handful of his beautiful hair free from the back of his head. Blood stained his finger tips.

"**I DON'T WANNA DO IT AGAIN!! IT HURTS! NO**! "

"Make him stooooop!" Sora cried and fell to his knees, covering his ears as well.

Zack only stared. He didn't look the slightest bit surprised or disturbed.

I didn't know what to do.

"**STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!!**"

Riku flopped back onto his bed and started to shake, his mouth gaping open like a gasping fish. He couldn't seem to catch a breath.

"**GET AWAY FROM ME! NO**! -wheeze- DON'T -wheeze- **LE**...-gasp- **TOUCH** -pant- **ME!**!"

"I can't take this anymore!" Sora stood up and ran from the room. He left it wide open and doctors halted in what they were doing and rushed to the room. Shoving past me and Zack. Zack stepped into a corner and watched. I gripped my chest and looked around worriedly.

Riku was still kicking and screaming like he'd been possessed.

"**LEON**!!! **PLEASE NO**!" -GASP-

"A seizure! He's delusional from the fever!"

"He's convulsing. There's blood everywhere. There may be some internal bleeding!"

"**LEON!!! NO**!!!" -WHEEZE-

"Hold him down, we have to examine his wound. If it's reopened...."

"We can't get his blood pressure down!"

"**LEON**!!! -cough, choke- **STOOOOP**!!"

"Up the methane dosage!"

It was Vincent's voice. He was suddenly standing over Riku, holding him behind the head and checking his pulse.

"**LEEe**eeeooooon......." Riku's scream faded into a pathetic whimper. His eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp.

"Get him stable. Lower the dosage now... That's enough! I want the OR cleared out now we're going to do an emergency operation!" Vincent barked orders around and the other doctors and nurses reacted without hesitation. A stretcher was wheeled into the room and Riku's limp pale body was lifted onto it. A tube was pushed down his throat and clips connected to needles and cords were poked into his finger tips. An oxygen mask was then settled over his face.

"Cloud, I have to go get prepped for surgery. When Seph gets here tell him I'm sorry for running out on him like that." Vincent brushed passed me but paused. He'd just noticed Zack standing in the corner. A glare settled on his face but he didn't say anything and left the room.

"Wait is Riku going to be..." I ran out of the room yelling, but Vincent was gone. I let my body slump in defeat.

Not again...

Not this again...

Why...? What happened...? What went wrong...?

Zack came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. "He'll be fine. Believe me." Zack was much too calm about what just happened and I turned on him, anger flaring in my already bad nerves.

"And how the fuck do you...." I froze at the knowing smile on his face.

"Because that kid... is too much like Seph to die so easily. You'll see what I mean. It's almost..." Zack trailed off and ran his hand through his hair. He let out an almost pleasurable sigh before he looked back at me. "...creepy, how alike those two are."

I scowled and looked around. I was too freaked out by what just happened to think too deeply about what Zack was saying or hinting at. And I was worried about Sora. He'd freaked out and ran off. He was sitting on the floor somewhat down the hall, his head buried into his curled up knees.

I went to him. I knew Zack was watching my back and I had this irking feeling that he was grinning.

He creeped me out...

"Sora...?" I whispered and kneeled down to touch his shoulder. He looked up at me, face grief stricken and tear stained. I knew he was scared and disturbed.

"Sora... Riku's going to be fine. He just... freaked out because his legs wouldn't..."

Sora sniffled. "NO! That's not it... He... Riku... He said he hates me..."

I was confused. "Sora... why would he say that?"

"He said it was my fault he got shot... He said I led him to Leon... He said... if I tell him I love him he'll..."

Sora broke off into a pained sob. His tiny body shaking fiercely with grief.

"It was just his fever. Sora... why would Riku say that?"

"Riku would never say what?"

It was Seph. I stood up quickly and he eyed me wearily for a moment.

"You don't look so good." He noted. His tone was laced with worry.

"You... missed a lot... Um... Riku woke up and... he said he couldn't feel his legs and he had a seizure..."

Seph's eyes went wide. He seemed speechless.

"Yeah... um... your dad... I mean Vincent rushed him to surgery, said something about possible internal bleeding..."

Seph studied my face in pure disbelief. "All of this happened just now?" He hissed. I nodded, chewing my bottom lip. "Is Riku going to be alri..."He started but was cut off.

"Seph!"

Sephiroth's attention span flew out of the window the moment he turned and saw Zack standing nearby. He was leaning against the wall, looking for all the world overly relaxed and nonchalant. Personally I thought he looked like a well dressed and expensive prostitute. He pushed off the wall and gave Seph this very suggestive smile.

"Hey sexy. Look at you in your blue scrubs. You look so cute." Zack teased.

"Zack..." Seph breathed.

The way he said Zack's name, the way that blush snuck across his cheeks, and the way he seemed to forget about me and the fact that Riku's life was in danger again, made one thing very clear to me...

I didn't like Zack. I'd never gotten to know the guy that well before he'd left on his business trip anway...

The man walked up to Seph and wrapped his arms around his neck in a very intimate embrace.

"Missed you." He cooed lovingly and placed a kiss on Seph's lips. Seph didn't pull away. The kiss wasn't anything deep... but it lingered way too much for my liking. AND it was on the lips. What the fuck? Seph **does** have cheeks!

"Got yourself into trouble I see. I swear... can't leave you alone for 5 minutes..." Zack chided and brushed a strand of hair out of Seph's face. Seph looked lost, to my utter dismay. Zack pulled him into another hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay. After that message you left me... God... I'm so glad you're okay..." Zack grabbed onto Seph's back like he'd never let him go and closed his eyes. Seph hugged him back without hesitation. I just stood there, watching. I wasn't going to fret over this. I knew they were best friends, had been lovers, and were very close. I was going to let this slide, because I can imagine how worried Zack must have been, coming home after 2 months of being gone and finding out his best friend was in the hospital.

Then Zack opened his eyes, still holding onto Seph possessively, and looked me right in the eye. There was this glint, an almost malicious glint, in his eyes that sent me on alert.

"I thought about you everyday, Seph. Every night..." He breathed into Seph's ear. He made sure I could hear him though. I watched his hand slide slowly and sensually down Seph's back and rest on his hip. He nuzzled into Seph's hair, still staring at me.

I let out a shuddery breath.

"Did you miss me?" He asked sweetly. Seph breathed a 'yes'. Zack chuckled and curled his fingers into Seph's back.

"Good." He murmured, his voice sounded aroused. I felt my jaw clench.

Zack eyed me and mouthed one word. I didn't have to think hard to figure out what he'd said.

__

Mine.

"Excuse me." I heard someone clear their throat and Zack was suddenly, almost roughly, pulled away from Seph.

"Sorry to break up such a _sweet_ reunion." It was Vincent. He was removing blood stained latex gloves.

He was finished already...? That was quick.

Again Vincent gave Zack a weird look. A look that had 'I hate you, stay the fuck away from my son, or I'll slit your throat' written all over it. Seph blinked several times and waited for Vincent to go on. Zack however just grinned.

"Hi **_dad_**!" He drawled. Sarcasm was oozing off of his words. Vincent shot a vicious glare at Zack, who only smirked back at him.

"Do shut the fuck up. I'd rather die then ever claim you as my son in law." Vincent said blankly. I did a double take. He turned to me and Seph. Zack huffed but kept smiling.

"Seph, Cloud. Riku's fine. He bit the inside of his jaw and that's that caused the bleeding. We've put him under and bandaged up the wounds from him pulling out his hair. Now he just needs to rest again."

Zack folded his arms. Vincent ignored him. I let out a sigh of relief and latched onto Seph, who wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my head.

"But... there's something I need to talk to you both about, involving Riku's condition... His mental condition. Sora as well. This is serious..."

"What about?" Seph asked, his tone serious. He eyed his father and something passed between them. A realization.

"...post traumatic stress disorder..." Vincent, Seph, Zack, and myself all turned and looked down at the floor. Sora was staring off into space. He'd been the one to speak.

Vincent frowned. "Sharp aren't you? I heard about your visit to the mental ward the other night. I see you learned a few things."

I gave Sora a scolding glare. He'd gone _where _now?

"Save your reprimanding for later. This is more important." Vincent said to me. I looked back at him and he put his hands into his pockets. He looked very stressed.

"Listen and listen good... We're in a delicate situation here. There's a strong possibility that Riku's mind has regressed, as in, he's forced himself to forget about his rape and the accident.... but.... It seems to have twisted his emotions. To put it lightly... He may now act violently towards the last person he recalls before he lost consciousness... "

Seph continued for him. "... So..."

I covered my mouth and looked down at Sora. He had gone back to resting his head on his knees and that's when I noticed the blood stains on the back of his blue shirt. I sank to my knees and lifted up his shirt only to choke at the deep dark red gashes embedded into his skin.

"Sora...!" I whispered and forced him to look at me.

"...Riku..." He whimpered. "...Riku did it..."

Vincent sighed. "Well... it looks like things are even worse then I thought... Much worse..."

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Author's Notes:

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Oh my freaking gosh!!! This chapter takes the cake! 62 pages! I just couldn't find anywhere to end it. So much has happened. Twist after twist, plot after plot. And here is where IC ends and the **Sequel** begins. I'm not sure If I'll start a new story or just keep uploading under the same title. I want to call the sequel 'Fragments of Innocence' though. Hmph, we'll see. Well, Zack's a regular character in the story now. Can you feel the tension between him and Cloud yet? I know some of you are probably already hating Zack, but don't. You'll find out why I say that later. So, was Riku's reaction what you expected? What about Sora, did you feel like he kind of had that coming? Vincent will most likely make more appearances in the later chapters, if not become a regular. I like how I'm using his character. He's playful with Seph and Cloud, but can be serious. He's a cool dad. We'll divulge more into Seph's past, before he went into the military as the story progresses as well. You'll also find out why Zack and Vincent are on pins and needles around each other. More back story on Squall and Seifer as well. The big trial to decide Leon's fate is coming up and a grueling and tear jerking interrogation forces him to let out his darkest and deepest secrets. I have a feeling people are going to hate Leon much more then they do now after he's confessed. Till the next installment. :D


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